Modern Family (2009–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Incident - full transcript

Jay's ex-wife shows up for the first time following a nasty incident at Gloria and Jay's wedding.

- Previously on "The Family"...
- What does he look like?

H-He has holes in his face.

Anyone who has ever worked
at this refinery

could've known how
to get into that tunnel.

[Gasps] Oh! Oh, God.

You are early.

I couldn't wait to see my baby.

- Aww.
- Both my babies.

I am announcing
my candidacy for governor.

Could I have a minute alone?
Just a minute?

Bridey: The older brother's not
totally sure Adam is Adam.

How the hell did you get that?

Julia: Would you consider your
neighbor Hank Asher a monster?

Yeah, absolutely. Yes, yes, I would.

If he had been chipped

after being convicted
of his first sex offense,

we could've cleared him.

- When did it start?
- What?

You sleeping with the dad.

Few months after.

Just wondering if it ever
clouded your vision.

I'm sorry for what happened to you.

You happened to me.

Your family happened to me.

Why did you confess?

They had stuff on me.

We stopped looking because
you said you killed him.

I didn't lock the boy in a basement.

No. You just made sure
that he stayed there.

Claire: Most of us never find
out what we're really made of.

If we could lift a car off someone...

... save a life...

... take one.

♪ Silent night ♪

If they cut you open,
what would they find...

- ♪ Holy night ♪
- ... feathers or steel?

- ♪ Shepherds quake ♪
- Answer me that

... I'll tell you if you're a mother.

Hank: You're not on my list.

- ♪ At the sight ♪
- Excuse me?

I get to choose who visits me.

♪ Christ the Savior is born ♪

It's the little things.

I was recently elected mayor.

- ♪ Christ the Savior is born ♪
- I read about that.

I don't have to be on a list.

That would explain it.

Where's my son?

What did you do with his body?

I can't help you with that.

I'm not asking for an apology.

I don't want to see you cry or beg.

I just want to have
a funeral for my child

with a body in the casket.

That's all I need from you.
Do you understand me?

[Exhales shakily]

So what did you do with him
after you murdered him?

I can't help you with that.

We're done here.

[Bell rings]


[Glass shatters]

[Dog barking in distance]


Synced & corrected by -robtor-

Cover of "The Trib," "USA Today,"

"The Herald," "The Post,"

"New York Times"...
page three over the fold...

- Well, no one reads that one.
- I do.

You'll get the endorsement,
Simpson drops out,

then it's just you against Lang.

An incumbent governor
with very deep pockets.

Whose track record
we can play like a dart board.

Please. You're the next governor
of Maine, mother.


Danny: Good morning.


- Morning.
- Morning.

[Muffled] You want coffee
or anything before you go?



This is Bridey. From high school.

She's not a hooker.

Oh. [Chuckles]

Why don't you sit, honey?

Who wants waffles?

If it's not too much trouble...


Go see if Adam's hungry, will you?

Yeah. Go see if Adam's hungry.

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.

Yes, it is.

It'll come off.

You don't have to do that.

You shouldn't be here.

It's not coming off.

Claire: Adam!



[Telephone ringing]


You look like you ate one of
those vegan muffins Teresa made.

Very upsetting.

An 8-year-old boy was snatched

from Rosemont Park an hour ago.

His mother assaulted
and knocked unconscious.

Looks just like Adam.

M.O.'s the same, too...

broad daylight in a public park.

[Dog barking in distance]

[Door opens]

Jane: Doug, where have you been?

- [Door closes]
- I sent you like 20 texts this morning.

- What were you...
- Everything looks terrific, girls.


Think it's a copycat?

Well, some guy's watching
the news, decides to take a kid

the exact same way
Adam Warren was taken?


What if it's not a copycat?

He lost Adam...

so he found himself a new one.

♪ The snow is snowing,
candlelight is glowing ♪

What kind of sick, depraved monster...

- ♪ It is Christmas time at last ♪
- Are we really doing this right now?

It wasn't enough
for him to kill a child?

That didn't get his rocks off?


- ♪ Christmastime ♪
- I want to have a funeral for my son.

Well, then, have one.
Why can't we just...

I'm not burying an empty coffin, John!

♪ Children singing in the snow ♪

Got to move on.

- ♪ It is Christmas time at last ♪
- Chapter three of your book?

It's been almost two years.

Sorry if I'm not grieving
gracefully enough for you.

♪ 12:00, Christmas Eve, Santa is on... ♪

- [Indistinct shouting]
- Woman: Mayor Warren, can you comment?

Is it true the police
suspect the same man

who took Adam may also be...

That's unconfirmed.

You're proposing a law
to chip sex offenders.

Would that have helped at all
in this case?

There's a child missing.
We're not gonna politicize that.

Scotty: We got job growth
locked down, governor,

but we need to shore up
our position on crime.

A few juicy sound bites
can go a long way.

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna do that today.

Claire Warren has made crime an issue.

- I'm not gonna talk about it.
- But she's talking about it.

So, let her talk about it.

Mayor Warren, have you spoken
to the Daniels family yet?

Obviously, I can imagine
what they're going through.

I want to point out
that the police have issued

an amber alert for a white van

with the license plate
beginning with "3JKE."

She's a one-trick pony, Scotty...

a lightweight, small-town mayor

running a one-issue campaign.

Believe me... people are gonna get tired

of sex offenders and microchips.

So, let her jump through
her pretty hoops

and her pretty ring.

And when the kids are done clapping

for the pretty, pretty pony,

we will get down to the real issues.

It's enough already!

No parent should have to
go through this nightmare.

And if the man who took Brian
is watching right now,

I want you to listen to me
very carefully.

You are on borrowed time.

We may not know your name
or where you live,

but we know who you are.

And we will find you.

Isn't this a press conference?

Yes, sir.

So, where's the damn press?

[Indistinct shouting]

Sources say they have
reason to believe...

She made me a latte this morning...

- ... the kidnapping may be connected...
- ... with almond milk.

... to the Adam Warren case.

What does your bang buddy think?

He's suspicious, but
he's too close to it to tell.

So, he lets the fox into the henhouse

to figure it out for him.

That's ballsy.

Somebody get me an almond-milk latte.

- Gus!
- What?

- It's his family.
- So?

So, I promised him
I would give him a heads up

before we ran with anything.

Well, I didn't.

[Knock on door]

You try a pressure wash?

- What?
- On your garage.

Probably take some paint off,

but better than what's on it now.

Hank Asher, right?

You've been served
with a restraining order.

You're not to come in contact
with or disturb the peace

of John and Claire Warren
or anyone in their family,

including their son Adam.

He came over here.

100 yards, okay?

They live across the street.

Then don't go past that tree.

So, we found four surveillance
cameras near the park.

My team's already
combing through the footage.

Anything on the license plate?

Stolen off an Accord
in New Haven three days ago.

That's helpful.

"What about the tip line?" he asked,

already knowing the answer.

Flooded, thanks to Warren's
press conference.

Anything other than the usual
shut-ins and crackpots?

Even if someone calls with something,

i-it'll take forever
to find them in the haystack.

We don't have forever.

No, we do not.

[Cellphone chimes]

But we have... this.

What do you think, Adam?

Take your time, honey. There's no rush.

- Oh, God, Adam.
- Get him some water.


- I gotcha. I gotcha.
- God!

Okay. Come here.

Is that him?

Is... Is that h... Is that him?
Is that the man that took you?

Claire: For God's sakes,
give him a minute.

That's him, isn't it?

You've been assistant warden

at Sinclair State Prison
for 12 years now.

[Chuckles] Got the scars to prove it.

Well, compared to herding inmates,

heading up my security detail

should be a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Welcome to the team. Thank you.

Give us a minute, Diane?

Were you able to... find out?

Uh, I wasn't.

[Sighs] But you had people speak to him?

He won't say a word.


Is there anything else I can do?

[Bell rings]


[Breathing heavily]

["Granite Feast" plays]


♪ I went to the village
and I knock on the door ♪

♪ To find what I was looking for ♪

♪ My eyes weren't blind,
but I could not see ♪

♪ Why they would not talk to me ♪

♪ And the court clown
danced upon the table ♪

♪ Threw the porcelain to the ground ♪

What can I do for you, Mr. Asher?

I want to sue the Warrens for
slander and... and defamation.

- The mayor's family.
- That's right.


Can I ask how...

She and her husband contributed

to my being wrongfully incarcerated.

You got a big payout from that.

She called me a monster
on national television.

Not exactly grounds for...

[Muffled] There are other things, too.

Mr. Asher.



You're a convicted sex offender.
She's a mother.

Who made my life a living hell.

Who lost her son.

♪ And the court clown
danced upon the table ♪

My advice...
use that money they gave you

and go buy yourself an island.

- I don't want an island.
- What do you want?


♪ Said my head spinning all around ♪

Good luck.

What if I was wrong? What if
it's been him this whole time?

- Okay, calm down.
- No, no, no, no, no.

You didn't see him today, all right?

When they showed him of the guy,
he... he flipped out.

He almost passed out.
You can't fake that.

Look, you didn't do anything wrong.

You were just looking for the truth.

Yeah, yeah, so I called a reporter.

Here. Let's go somewhere
and get a drink...

No, Bridey. I'm not drinking.

No, I know. I'm sorry.

Ju... Ju...

You didn't tell anyone, did you?

Of course not.

[Elevator bell dings]

I'm your friend.


You can't disappear today, okay?
It's a couples shower.

I'll be here. I will.

If I have to play
those stupid games alone.

- [Chuckles]
- [Scoffs]

Hey, where are you going?

You left the sherbet in the deep freeze.


What do you mean no?

I had to put down rat traps.
There's loose floorboards.

It isn't safe.


- I have to go out again. Real fast.
- What?!

I'll be back in time.
I'll do everything.

Only you have to promise me...


... you won't go in there.



That's my girl.


Got a lead on the tip line.

The perp has blonde to black hair,

is of short to tall build,

and either has a beard
or no beard at all?

Man says a white van
with the right plates

just stopped for gas at his station,

left 15 minutes ago,
headed north on 100.


- Oh, my God.
- Claire: What?

They... They... They caught him.
CNN says he's in custody.


Uh, no.

W-Wait. No. They made a mistake.

He, uh... They were wrong.
They're taking it back.

Okay, come on, Ad.

Where are you taking him?

He needs to get some air.

- John.
- There's none in here.

[ "Lazy Bones" plays]

I've never seen you eat anything
not in bar form.

- ♪ Na, na-na-na-na ♪
- Sometimes you got to get the job done.

Bars get the job done.

♪ Early in the morning ♪

Now we know
what your headstone's gonna say.

You sure you can look for this van

and be superior at the same time?

♪ Think you can leave ♪

♪ Only wake up to you ♪

My husband was an air-traffic
controller at Logan.

That must have sucked.

- ♪The mountains, while you're sleeping ♪
- Yeah, so bad, he got an ulcer.

♪ While you're sleeping,
While you're sleeping ♪

He quit, and we bought
five acres and some bees.

Say what?

- ♪ Saturday night is here ♪
- We make honey now,

and Jonah's ulcer is cured.

- ♪ Make me some coffee ♪
- It's the enzymes.

- ♪ Sunday night you say ♪
- I'm not saying you need to keep bees,

but you got to bring a little joy
into this job or you're never...

Hold on!

[Tires squealing]

[Tires screech]

What the hell?


Doug: Hi, it's Doug. Leave me a
message when you hear the beep.


You promised you'd be back.
I can't keep making excuses.

Where are you?

[Cellphone beeps]

Okay, so, choke up on the bat a little.



Elbow up.

Yeah, good.

[Toilet flushes]

[Water running]

[Doorknob rattles]

Sorry I'm late, everyone.

- ♪ Fa-la-la, fa-la-la ♪ - _

♪ Fa-la-la, aha ♪

♪ Fa-la-la, fa-la-la ♪

♪ Fa-la-la, ahahh ♪

♪ All I want for Christmas ♪

♪ Is for you to be near ♪

♪ Be near ♪

♪ Be near ♪

♪ To warm me up with kisses and cheer ♪

♪ And cheer ♪

- ♪ And cheer ♪ - You first, Mom.

- ♪ I think I may have missed it ♪
- From... Daddy.


♪ Maybe even wished it ♪

♪ My only Christmas wish is
for you to be near ♪

- ♪ Be near ♪ - [Chuckles]

- ♪ Be near ♪ - [Chuckles]

♪ Fa-la-la, fa-la-la ♪

♪ Fa-la-la, aha ♪

♪ Fa-la-la, fa-la-la ♪

- ♪ Fa-la-la, ahahh ♪ - Excuse me.

♪ All I want for Christmas ♪

♪ This year ♪

♪ This year ♪

♪ This year ♪

♪ Still warm you up with kisses ♪

♪ And cheer ♪

♪ And cheer ♪

♪ And cheer ♪

♪ I think I have missed it ♪

[Door opens]

- [Door closes]
- _

[Grunts] It's not him.

- Claire: What?
- John: How do you know?

He was in prison when Adam was taken,

uh, for rape and attempted murder.

The kid's his ex-girlfriend's.

It smells like
some kind of sick revenge thing.

Where's Nina?

There were shots fired.

- Is she hurt?
- Dad.

Is she hurt?


She's fine.

But that's all I can tell you right now.


Riker: Let's review.

When you entered the room,

did you immediately identify yourself

as a police officer?

Yes, I did.

When did you see Brian Daniels?

As soon as I got inside.

And you believed him
to be in immediate danger

from Mr. Lipton?

I did.

He was.

Mr. Lipton had a gun.

Which he pointed at you.


And did you tell him to drop the gun?


And what was his response?

He did not.

And Agent Clements...

he can confirm your version of events?

He's all right. Was the guy armed?


What do you want to do here?

Got to do it now.

[Sirens wailing in distance]

Agent Clements will confirm, yes.


How does it work?

I'm not gonna let anything
happen to you, okay?

What if you aren't home?

Okay, look. Uh...

the code's your birthday... 0, 5, 2, 2.

And then hit... hit "arm."


See? Easy.

The code's your birthday... 0, 5, 2, 2.

Charlie: Mayor Warren.

Please, call me Claire.

Damn it. Then it's "Charlie," too.


Thank you for making the drive up.

I asked you here
to set some ground rules

- before the bullets fly.
- Very sportsmanlike.

We both want what's best
for this great state.

So let's make this race about
education and wages and energy.

You're new to the scene,

but races in Maine

are won on issues, Claire,
not celebrity.

[Footsteps approaching]

Yes, Scotty?

I just need you to sign, sir.

It's budget appropriations.

It's a very complicated part of the job.

Labor unions make it almost
impossible at the state level.

You dealt with any of that
in, uh, whatsit?

Red Pines.

That's it.

Not as much.

How many freshmen
in the legislature right now?

Is this lunch or a civics quiz?

- You know all their names?
- Of course I do.

There aren't any. Not this year.

You're having a moment,
Claire. Enjoy it.

But it's not what this race is about.

Do you understand?

There are two.

Excuse me?

Well, I assumed you meant
the house, as well.

There are two freshmen in the house...

Cumberland and Jones... both women.

So, they're probably
very confused about that budget.

But I look forward to setting
them straight as governor.

I understand you don't want me
to talk about my son.

I understand that I'm not just
a threat to you,

I'm a nightmare because I am the voice

of every parent's worst fear,

and I actually intend
to do something about it.

But don't you worry, Charlie.

I don't intend to chip
adulterers, just criminals.

[Lunch cart rattling]


Ah, well, this looks lovely.

I'm an idiot.

Danny's not home.

I left something up in his room.

You could have called.

It was my phone.

This is Adam's room.

That's why I couldn't find it.

You don't like me very much.

I don't know you very much.

I know you.

You were a strange little girl
back in the day.

I still am.


That makes it interesting.

It's that one.


Are these mine again?


You gonna go to that psych eval
like they told you to?

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know what happened
at that motel,

but I know it didn't go down
the way you and your buddy said.

He was gonna kill that kid.

I'm not saying society isn't better off.

But you just shot someone dead,

and you're sitting here
eating a candy bar.

I'll go see the shrink, okay?

I'll, um, open up and cry

and talk all about
how I was chubby as a kid.

And if you don't...

I'll come back and get those myself.

- Let's go.
- Where?

Mayor wants to call you a hero.

Gabe: All right, little man.

Now that we have you
and your mom safe and sound,

here's the really important question...

nacho or jalapeño?

Just nacho.

So you're old-school. I like that.

Let's get you comfortable in here.

What about soda?



Brian, i-it's like I don't even
know you anymore.

Before things get crazy,

I want to thank you both personally.

What a job you did on this one. Hmm!

I appreciate that, ma'am,

and I'll let Nina speak for herself.

I've got some chips to buy.


You've gone above and beyond
for my family,

and I am so grateful for that.

All right.

But it's gonna stop now.

I'm sorry. I don't know...

You sleeping with my husband.

Do you think you're special,
a one-of-a-kind snowflake?

You wouldn't believe how many women

take their panties off
for the dad who lost his son.

Claire: First of all, Lynn has asked me

to thank the good people of Maine.

It's because of your tips,
your initiative,

your coming together
when she needed it the most

that she has her son Brian back.

- [Applause]
- Yes!

You know, I don't know
if you all believe in miracles.

You know I do.

Today's miracle was created not
just by the citizens of Maine,

but by its tireless
law-enforcement officers,

particularly Supervisory Special
Agent Gabe Clements of the FBI

and Detective Nina Meyer.

On behalf of the whole city,

let's thank them for being our heroes!



I-I meant to give it to you
for Christmas.

Why didn't you?

It didn't seem like the right time.


There's [clears throat]...

There's... something I have to tell you.

Um... we need to bury our son.


I can't wait for a body anymore.

He deserves a service. He lived a life.

And... we've got to live ours
however we can.




I'll open this tomorrow.


You cooked!

Try not to sound so shocked.

Join us for dinner.
You can help set the table.


Googled your girlfriend.


She's a reporter. She's a blogger.

She came back for her phone.

She was sniffing around Adam's room.

If she shows up again for her panties,

tell her we'll mail them.


[Drawer closes]

You sure you want me to toss it?

Get it out of here, or I'll eat it.

[Both chuckle]


I didn't want you to see it.

It's the wood from the walnut tree

we cut down last fall.


I was gonna surprise you
when I was all done.

I'm an idiot. I thought...

What? That I was doing something shady

right under your nose?

Come on.

I'm smoother than that.


No, you're not.

- [Laughs]
- No, I'm not.


- What were you doing in his room?
- [Gasps]

What the hell, Danny?!

I told you to leave it alone.

Are you crazy? You can't just
break in here and...

Like you did.

You know who I am.

What did you take from his room?

You want a story not to be written,

don't tell it to a reporter.

Whatever you took, give it back.

It's too late.

You're a lying bitch.

Well, you're a stupid drunk.

This obviously isn't gonna end in sex,

so why don't you just go?

[The National's
"This Is The Last Time" plays]

♪ Oh, when I lift you up ♪

♪ You feel like a hundred times
yourself ♪

♪ I wish everybody knew ♪

♪ What's so great about you ♪

♪ Oh, don't tell anyone I'm here ♪

♪ I've got Tylenol and beer ♪

♪ I was thinking that you'd call
somebody closer to you ♪

♪ Oh, but your love is such a swamp ♪

♪ You're the only thing I want ♪

♪ And I said I wouldn't cry about it ♪

♪ Ahhhh ♪

♪ This is the last time ♪

Natural energy.

Plus a little joy.

♪ This is the last time ♪

You think he'll do it, though?


Take another kid.

They always do.

♪ Jenny, I am in trouble ♪

♪ Can't get these thoughts out of me ♪

♪ Jenny, I'm seeing double ♪

♪ I know this changes everything ♪

♪ Jenny, I am in trouble ♪

♪ Can't get these thoughts out of me ♪

♪ It takes a lot of rain in the cup♪
♪ Jenny, I'm seeing double ♪

♪ It takes a lot of pain to pick me up ♪

♪ It takes a lot of rain in the cup ♪

- ♪ It takes a... ♪
- Ohh!

♪ Baby, you gave me pain and tears ♪

♪ Baby, you left me sad and high ♪

♪ It takes a lot pain to pick me up ♪

♪ It takes a lot of rain in the cup ♪

♪ It takes a... ♪

♪ Baby, you gave me pain and tears ♪

♪ Baby, you left me sad and... ♪

Synced & corrected by -robtor-