Miracle Workers (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Dark Ages: Moving Out Part 1 - full transcript
Alex wants to go with Cosmos to Paris, while Prince Chauncely prepares for his arranged wedding.
TEN YEARS AGO
The old witch returned to the fair
seamstress at her spinning wheel,
this time, carrying
a steaming cauldron.
Are you ready for your supper,
my pretty ?
I hope you're hungry
for little-girl soup !
- Great fairy tale, Dad.
- That's no fairy tale.
That just went down last week.
The witch lives right over there.
Dad, can Mr. Potato
do the safety spell ?
I don't know.
Let's see if he remembers it.
Greeble, grabble, snubble,
snau, baggle, wag, kablevver.
These magic words protect you now
and always will, forever.
- Thanks, Dad. Good night.
- Good night, honey.
- Going out.
- Okay, hon.
- Do you need any coins or food ?
- No, thanks.
Let me get you a sweater.
Might get nippy later.
I'll be fine, Dad.
Hey ! What's this ? Haven't seen
this little guy in years !
- Remember me, Al ?
- Sick !
- Don't you love me anymore ?
- That is a legit health risk.
- You've gotta burn that thing.
- Okay. I will.
See ya.
And always will, forever.
MIRACLE WORKERS
DARK AGES
At least you still need me,
little rock sprouts.
- Mornin', Eddie.
- Hey, Lila.
- You doin' okay, there, buddy ?
- It's just parenting stuff.
- Your boy fucks cats or somethin' ?
- No, nothing like that.
My daughter is growin' up so fast !
Feels like yesterday she was
a little kid pulling at my sleeves.
Now look at her. She's a fully grown,
independent woman
with a smoking-hot,
perfect ten boyfriend.
That's tough.
But there's nothing you can do.
Kids grow up.
They get their own lives.
It's not like you can just make 'em
spend more time with you.
I'm giving you more hours.
- Why ?
- It's the busy season.
I didn't know
there was a busy season.
The cabbage harvest just
came in, so, buckle up.
We're gonna have to start
working nights, weekends...
Just in general, spending
a whole lot more time together.
Wow. Okay. Yeah. If that's what
we gotta do, then, count me in.
Oh, Bard ! Play Heartbreak Mix.
I'm strong enough to stand without you
Strong enough to dance alone
I'm strong enough to be a maiden
A maiden on my own
Chauncley. Oh, boy.
Bard, off !
You have to stop moping
about this peasant girl, Prince.
It's getting unhealthy ! This place
is filthy and you smell terrible !
You don't understand, Vexler.
I've never felt the way I did
when I was with Al.
She made me feel so free.
Like I could choose
my own destiny.
You're still perfectly capable
of choosing your own destiny, okay ?
Your dad needs
to tell you something.
- You're getting married.
- What ?!
We're losing the war
with the Valdrogians.
The only way
they'll agree to a truce
is if we combine our kingdoms
through royal marriage.
You shall be the pawn
I use to secure my legacy.
What if I don't want
to get married ?
Wedding's tomorrow.
Congratulations.
Did you know about this, Jaka ?
And those are the top fifty weirdest
trees I've ever seen.
Thanks for telling me
all about those again.
- Archie ! You got it !
- Yeah !
- You guys bought a wagon ? How ?
- It's all those extra hours.
- I've been saving my share.
- Good for you, kids !
I remember when I bought my first
two-wheeler pulled by a cow.
Man, I had some wild times
bummin' around town in that thing.
- That's not really why we got this.
- What do you mean, Alligator ?
Dad, you know how I'm always
telling you about my dreams
to do something bigger
with my life ?
Archie and I have been talking
and we've decided to move to Paris !
- The one in France ?!
- Yeah ! Look ! It's got everything.
It's got universities and cafés,
culture, art, intellectuals.
- Isn't it kinda far away ?
- Oh, yeah. It's super far.
But now that we have this wagon...
- It's finally possible.
- Mr. S, you made this happen.
I can't thank you enough, Dad.
This is all because of you.
I can't believe you're
moving to actual Paris.
I never thought it'd really happen,
but I'm finally getting outta here.
- You gotta visit me all the time.
- It takes ten months to get there.
Once you go, there's a good chance
we'll never see each other again.
Come with us !
There's room in the wagon !
My career is here. Things are
going really well at the convent.
We'll open fifty
new churches this quarter
and I'm leading creative on a new
crusade we're launching in spring.
I know people say
Christianity's a bubble.
But I feel like I'm on the ground
floor of something big.
- I don't wanna leave you.
- You're leaving Lower Murkford.
You know you have to. There's
nothing keepin' you here anymore.
You're right. There's not.
- So... Princess... ?
- Vicki.
Have you ever been
in an arranged marriage before ?
Yeah. Actually,
I've been engaged nine times,
but all my other fiancés
died of plague.
- Oh, gosh ! I'm sorry.
- You don't have plague, do you ?
- Oh, me ? No. I'm clean.
- Have you been tested ?
- Yep, every six months or so.
- Okay, fine.
I've been burned before and
I'm not about that drama right now.
I totally understand.
Can't be too careful.
Oh, god. Looks like my mom
is day drinking again.
She's already two skulls deep.
By the end of the night,
she's either gonna start killing
people or, worse, dancing !
- My father kills people a lot, too.
- See ? You get it.
- Is that you, in that portrait ?
- Yes.
It was painted a while ago. I'm not
sure why we've still got it up there.
Is that a Sumerian
flat-billed mallard ?
Yes, it is !
I have six of the same kind
back at my castle.
Let's see. There's Flapster, Quacky,
Fred, Ginger, Honky, and Bill.
Those are my guys.
- Guys ? What's goin' on ?
- Hello, Alexandra.
We didn't expect you home so soon.
Your brother Michael and I
were just in the middle
of a little intellectual gathering.
We like to get together
and do smart, intellectual
talking about culture.
Michael, you were about to say to me
an opinion about art, weren't you ?
- Weren't you ?
- I don't understand what's happening.
Would you excuse us
for one moment ?
Get your shit together ! Do you
want your sister to leave forever ?
Just give her
the damn hors d'oeuvres !
Today, we have an assortment
of local, fresh rock sprouts.
Ooh, la, la ! Rock sprouts ?! I'll
bet you can't get these in Paris.
Because they're a poisonous weed.
No one outside of this town
considers rock sprouts food.
If this isn't food,
why am I eating it ?
I have no idea. They give you a nasty
rash and turn your teeth black.
Small price to pay
for the bitter taste.
This has been fun, but I gotta
start loading up the cart.
We're leaving in the morning.
- Al. You can't go.
- What ? Why ?
Because Paris is Paris
and you're just a kid !
- No, I'm not. Not anymore.
- I'm still your dad. I forbid you.
I'm sorry you feel that way,
but this is what I wanna do.
- You can't stop me.
- We'll see about that.
Try getting to Paris
without your wagon.
Dad ! Come on !
You're gonna hurt yourself ! Stop !
Oh, my god. Okay. Here.
Fine ! You hate this place ?
Then, just go ! I don't care !
Get out of here ! Go !
Vicki, I was rather skeptical
about being forced to marry
for political purposes,
but it might not be all bad.
Oh, you're sweet !
In three hours, we're gonna be
standing at the altar together.
And, in four hours, we'll be eating
our wedding cake.
In twelve hours, we'll be in our
carriage, riding back to Valdrogia.
We will.
In a week,
we'll have our coronation.
In a month,
you'll begin waging wars.
In a year, I'll give birth to our first
heir, and then the other five,
then my womb will explode, we'll
both become addicted to opium
and you'll be assassinated by
your most trusted advisor.
Yes. Yeah. I suppose it will all
just play out like clockwork.
By the way, this is for you.
It's a wedding crown.
It doubles as a gravestone,
so, when you die,
you can just pop it
right onto your coffin.
Chauncley, I feel like us
meeting was destiny.
Turtles !
So, the pretty bird flies away
And the pig boy gets to stay
But they'll always have each other
For the rest of their days.
The end.
Mikey ! That was a beautiful
farewell song. Thank you.
I love you so much !
Write me a letter when you get there.
I will.
- Guess Dad's not coming, huh ?
- He doesn't want you to go, Al.
I know, but, I can't spend the rest
of my life doing what Dad wants.
- Get up there, son.
- Yes, Dad. Whatever you want.
Hello, friends and family, thank you
for joining us on this beautiful day.
The bride and groom have decided
to do something very special.
They've decided to have their vows
written for them by their parents.
"We promise, from this day forward,
to be their obedient tools,"
"doing anything they ask of us
without question,"
"never thinking of our own feelings,"
"and forgetting all previous
love interests forever."
Do you, Princess Vicki,
so swear ?
I do.
And do you, Prince Chauncley,
swear the same ?
Go on, son. For once in your life,
make me proud.
I do.
Not ! No !
I don't ! I do not !
You fucking suck !
I'm sorry, but this is not
the life I want.
You're a prince ! What kind
of life would you have ?!
Whatever it is, I have
to figure it out for myself.
I have to make my own destiny,
to choose how I live and who I love.
I'm sorry, Vicki, it's nothing
personal. I hope you understand.
I completely get it. Honestly,
I think it's really mature of you.
You gotta know you before
you commit to someone else
and, even though this didn't work
out, I'd love to stay friends.
That would be great.
Just one thing. Now, that our treaty
has been broken,
we do, unfortunately, have
to slaughter your whole kingdom.
Call forth the blood warriors !
Oh, great !
First thing we do when we get
to Paris, boat tour of the Seine.
Then, we hit up the mausoleums
and go dancing.
- That all sounds good.
- Is everything all right, babe ?
Yeah. Totally.
Do we have any more wine ?
Yeah. Ew ! What is that thing ?
It's my old doll.
It must've gotten mixed in
with my stuff.
- It looks diseased.
- I told my dad to burn it.
I guess he couldn't bear
to get rid of it.
Why not ?
When I was little,
he used to make Mr. Potato
say this stupid magic spell
that was supposed to keep me safe.
It was just
a dumb little-kid thing.
Greeble, grabble, snubble, snau,
baggle, wag, kablevver.
These magic words protect you now
and always will, forever.
Cool story, babe.
Ready to burn ? Toss it in.
- What's that ?
- It's Valdrogian war horns.
I'll see if I can decipher
what they're saying.
- I hope everything's okay.
- I'm sure it'll be fine. Okay.
"Begin full-scale attack"
"on Lower Murk... ford."
- Oh, my god !
- No ! It might be all right.
It says here that, when
the Valdrogians massacre a town,
they often keep one person alive
to tell the tale,
to serve as a living horror story.
That might be your dad.
Or your brother.
Although, not both, I guess.
- We have to go back.
- If we go back, we'll be killed.
I have to make sure my family's safe.
- It's suicide. I'm not going.
- I'll go alone.
Don't ! Think about
all you're throwing away.
You weren't meant to die
in Lower Murkford. You know that.
You've always known it.
Goodbye, Archie.
- You won't get to Paris without me.
- I'll find my own way.
I knew this would happen. You can
take the girl out of Lower Murkford,
but you can't take the Lower
Murkford out of the girl.
I thought you were different
from all those idiots.
- But I was wrong about you.
- Me, too !
Why does every chick I date
turn out to be a psycho ?
My mum was right ! There can only
be one star in a relationship !
I can't believe I spoke up against
my father and went against his wishes.
- It was very brave of me.
- It was super brave. Excuse me.
For the rest of her life, she's gonna
think of me as this crazy nut job.
- That's not true.
- I just wish I could apologize.
It's too late. I'm never gonna
see her again in my entire life.
- Dad !
- Al ! Oh, my god !
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry I didn't
show up to say goodbye,
and then that thing with the wagon.
I was just so scared of losing you,
I lost my mind.
- It's okay. I love you, Dad.
- I love you, too.
Everything's all right now.
Hear ye ! Hear ye !
I'm the town crier !
And this just in.
We're all gonna die.
TO BE CONTINUED
MIRACLE WORKERS
DARK AGES
The old witch returned to the fair
seamstress at her spinning wheel,
this time, carrying
a steaming cauldron.
Are you ready for your supper,
my pretty ?
I hope you're hungry
for little-girl soup !
- Great fairy tale, Dad.
- That's no fairy tale.
That just went down last week.
The witch lives right over there.
Dad, can Mr. Potato
do the safety spell ?
I don't know.
Let's see if he remembers it.
Greeble, grabble, snubble,
snau, baggle, wag, kablevver.
These magic words protect you now
and always will, forever.
- Thanks, Dad. Good night.
- Good night, honey.
- Going out.
- Okay, hon.
- Do you need any coins or food ?
- No, thanks.
Let me get you a sweater.
Might get nippy later.
I'll be fine, Dad.
Hey ! What's this ? Haven't seen
this little guy in years !
- Remember me, Al ?
- Sick !
- Don't you love me anymore ?
- That is a legit health risk.
- You've gotta burn that thing.
- Okay. I will.
See ya.
And always will, forever.
MIRACLE WORKERS
DARK AGES
At least you still need me,
little rock sprouts.
- Mornin', Eddie.
- Hey, Lila.
- You doin' okay, there, buddy ?
- It's just parenting stuff.
- Your boy fucks cats or somethin' ?
- No, nothing like that.
My daughter is growin' up so fast !
Feels like yesterday she was
a little kid pulling at my sleeves.
Now look at her. She's a fully grown,
independent woman
with a smoking-hot,
perfect ten boyfriend.
That's tough.
But there's nothing you can do.
Kids grow up.
They get their own lives.
It's not like you can just make 'em
spend more time with you.
I'm giving you more hours.
- Why ?
- It's the busy season.
I didn't know
there was a busy season.
The cabbage harvest just
came in, so, buckle up.
We're gonna have to start
working nights, weekends...
Just in general, spending
a whole lot more time together.
Wow. Okay. Yeah. If that's what
we gotta do, then, count me in.
Oh, Bard ! Play Heartbreak Mix.
I'm strong enough to stand without you
Strong enough to dance alone
I'm strong enough to be a maiden
A maiden on my own
Chauncley. Oh, boy.
Bard, off !
You have to stop moping
about this peasant girl, Prince.
It's getting unhealthy ! This place
is filthy and you smell terrible !
You don't understand, Vexler.
I've never felt the way I did
when I was with Al.
She made me feel so free.
Like I could choose
my own destiny.
You're still perfectly capable
of choosing your own destiny, okay ?
Your dad needs
to tell you something.
- You're getting married.
- What ?!
We're losing the war
with the Valdrogians.
The only way
they'll agree to a truce
is if we combine our kingdoms
through royal marriage.
You shall be the pawn
I use to secure my legacy.
What if I don't want
to get married ?
Wedding's tomorrow.
Congratulations.
Did you know about this, Jaka ?
And those are the top fifty weirdest
trees I've ever seen.
Thanks for telling me
all about those again.
- Archie ! You got it !
- Yeah !
- You guys bought a wagon ? How ?
- It's all those extra hours.
- I've been saving my share.
- Good for you, kids !
I remember when I bought my first
two-wheeler pulled by a cow.
Man, I had some wild times
bummin' around town in that thing.
- That's not really why we got this.
- What do you mean, Alligator ?
Dad, you know how I'm always
telling you about my dreams
to do something bigger
with my life ?
Archie and I have been talking
and we've decided to move to Paris !
- The one in France ?!
- Yeah ! Look ! It's got everything.
It's got universities and cafés,
culture, art, intellectuals.
- Isn't it kinda far away ?
- Oh, yeah. It's super far.
But now that we have this wagon...
- It's finally possible.
- Mr. S, you made this happen.
I can't thank you enough, Dad.
This is all because of you.
I can't believe you're
moving to actual Paris.
I never thought it'd really happen,
but I'm finally getting outta here.
- You gotta visit me all the time.
- It takes ten months to get there.
Once you go, there's a good chance
we'll never see each other again.
Come with us !
There's room in the wagon !
My career is here. Things are
going really well at the convent.
We'll open fifty
new churches this quarter
and I'm leading creative on a new
crusade we're launching in spring.
I know people say
Christianity's a bubble.
But I feel like I'm on the ground
floor of something big.
- I don't wanna leave you.
- You're leaving Lower Murkford.
You know you have to. There's
nothing keepin' you here anymore.
You're right. There's not.
- So... Princess... ?
- Vicki.
Have you ever been
in an arranged marriage before ?
Yeah. Actually,
I've been engaged nine times,
but all my other fiancés
died of plague.
- Oh, gosh ! I'm sorry.
- You don't have plague, do you ?
- Oh, me ? No. I'm clean.
- Have you been tested ?
- Yep, every six months or so.
- Okay, fine.
I've been burned before and
I'm not about that drama right now.
I totally understand.
Can't be too careful.
Oh, god. Looks like my mom
is day drinking again.
She's already two skulls deep.
By the end of the night,
she's either gonna start killing
people or, worse, dancing !
- My father kills people a lot, too.
- See ? You get it.
- Is that you, in that portrait ?
- Yes.
It was painted a while ago. I'm not
sure why we've still got it up there.
Is that a Sumerian
flat-billed mallard ?
Yes, it is !
I have six of the same kind
back at my castle.
Let's see. There's Flapster, Quacky,
Fred, Ginger, Honky, and Bill.
Those are my guys.
- Guys ? What's goin' on ?
- Hello, Alexandra.
We didn't expect you home so soon.
Your brother Michael and I
were just in the middle
of a little intellectual gathering.
We like to get together
and do smart, intellectual
talking about culture.
Michael, you were about to say to me
an opinion about art, weren't you ?
- Weren't you ?
- I don't understand what's happening.
Would you excuse us
for one moment ?
Get your shit together ! Do you
want your sister to leave forever ?
Just give her
the damn hors d'oeuvres !
Today, we have an assortment
of local, fresh rock sprouts.
Ooh, la, la ! Rock sprouts ?! I'll
bet you can't get these in Paris.
Because they're a poisonous weed.
No one outside of this town
considers rock sprouts food.
If this isn't food,
why am I eating it ?
I have no idea. They give you a nasty
rash and turn your teeth black.
Small price to pay
for the bitter taste.
This has been fun, but I gotta
start loading up the cart.
We're leaving in the morning.
- Al. You can't go.
- What ? Why ?
Because Paris is Paris
and you're just a kid !
- No, I'm not. Not anymore.
- I'm still your dad. I forbid you.
I'm sorry you feel that way,
but this is what I wanna do.
- You can't stop me.
- We'll see about that.
Try getting to Paris
without your wagon.
Dad ! Come on !
You're gonna hurt yourself ! Stop !
Oh, my god. Okay. Here.
Fine ! You hate this place ?
Then, just go ! I don't care !
Get out of here ! Go !
Vicki, I was rather skeptical
about being forced to marry
for political purposes,
but it might not be all bad.
Oh, you're sweet !
In three hours, we're gonna be
standing at the altar together.
And, in four hours, we'll be eating
our wedding cake.
In twelve hours, we'll be in our
carriage, riding back to Valdrogia.
We will.
In a week,
we'll have our coronation.
In a month,
you'll begin waging wars.
In a year, I'll give birth to our first
heir, and then the other five,
then my womb will explode, we'll
both become addicted to opium
and you'll be assassinated by
your most trusted advisor.
Yes. Yeah. I suppose it will all
just play out like clockwork.
By the way, this is for you.
It's a wedding crown.
It doubles as a gravestone,
so, when you die,
you can just pop it
right onto your coffin.
Chauncley, I feel like us
meeting was destiny.
Turtles !
So, the pretty bird flies away
And the pig boy gets to stay
But they'll always have each other
For the rest of their days.
The end.
Mikey ! That was a beautiful
farewell song. Thank you.
I love you so much !
Write me a letter when you get there.
I will.
- Guess Dad's not coming, huh ?
- He doesn't want you to go, Al.
I know, but, I can't spend the rest
of my life doing what Dad wants.
- Get up there, son.
- Yes, Dad. Whatever you want.
Hello, friends and family, thank you
for joining us on this beautiful day.
The bride and groom have decided
to do something very special.
They've decided to have their vows
written for them by their parents.
"We promise, from this day forward,
to be their obedient tools,"
"doing anything they ask of us
without question,"
"never thinking of our own feelings,"
"and forgetting all previous
love interests forever."
Do you, Princess Vicki,
so swear ?
I do.
And do you, Prince Chauncley,
swear the same ?
Go on, son. For once in your life,
make me proud.
I do.
Not ! No !
I don't ! I do not !
You fucking suck !
I'm sorry, but this is not
the life I want.
You're a prince ! What kind
of life would you have ?!
Whatever it is, I have
to figure it out for myself.
I have to make my own destiny,
to choose how I live and who I love.
I'm sorry, Vicki, it's nothing
personal. I hope you understand.
I completely get it. Honestly,
I think it's really mature of you.
You gotta know you before
you commit to someone else
and, even though this didn't work
out, I'd love to stay friends.
That would be great.
Just one thing. Now, that our treaty
has been broken,
we do, unfortunately, have
to slaughter your whole kingdom.
Call forth the blood warriors !
Oh, great !
First thing we do when we get
to Paris, boat tour of the Seine.
Then, we hit up the mausoleums
and go dancing.
- That all sounds good.
- Is everything all right, babe ?
Yeah. Totally.
Do we have any more wine ?
Yeah. Ew ! What is that thing ?
It's my old doll.
It must've gotten mixed in
with my stuff.
- It looks diseased.
- I told my dad to burn it.
I guess he couldn't bear
to get rid of it.
Why not ?
When I was little,
he used to make Mr. Potato
say this stupid magic spell
that was supposed to keep me safe.
It was just
a dumb little-kid thing.
Greeble, grabble, snubble, snau,
baggle, wag, kablevver.
These magic words protect you now
and always will, forever.
Cool story, babe.
Ready to burn ? Toss it in.
- What's that ?
- It's Valdrogian war horns.
I'll see if I can decipher
what they're saying.
- I hope everything's okay.
- I'm sure it'll be fine. Okay.
"Begin full-scale attack"
"on Lower Murk... ford."
- Oh, my god !
- No ! It might be all right.
It says here that, when
the Valdrogians massacre a town,
they often keep one person alive
to tell the tale,
to serve as a living horror story.
That might be your dad.
Or your brother.
Although, not both, I guess.
- We have to go back.
- If we go back, we'll be killed.
I have to make sure my family's safe.
- It's suicide. I'm not going.
- I'll go alone.
Don't ! Think about
all you're throwing away.
You weren't meant to die
in Lower Murkford. You know that.
You've always known it.
Goodbye, Archie.
- You won't get to Paris without me.
- I'll find my own way.
I knew this would happen. You can
take the girl out of Lower Murkford,
but you can't take the Lower
Murkford out of the girl.
I thought you were different
from all those idiots.
- But I was wrong about you.
- Me, too !
Why does every chick I date
turn out to be a psycho ?
My mum was right ! There can only
be one star in a relationship !
I can't believe I spoke up against
my father and went against his wishes.
- It was very brave of me.
- It was super brave. Excuse me.
For the rest of her life, she's gonna
think of me as this crazy nut job.
- That's not true.
- I just wish I could apologize.
It's too late. I'm never gonna
see her again in my entire life.
- Dad !
- Al ! Oh, my god !
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry I didn't
show up to say goodbye,
and then that thing with the wagon.
I was just so scared of losing you,
I lost my mind.
- It's okay. I love you, Dad.
- I love you, too.
Everything's all right now.
Hear ye ! Hear ye !
I'm the town crier !
And this just in.
We're all gonna die.
TO BE CONTINUED
MIRACLE WORKERS
DARK AGES