Miracle Workers (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Dark Ages: Day in Court - full transcript

♪♪

[ Growls ]

[ Horse neighs ]

♪♪

[ Insects chirping ]

Roz: Is this your first time
in therapy?

Yes.

[ Clock ticking ]

I noticed you wore
a lot of armor to our session.

So what?
I'm curious

if part of you feels like
you need protection,



like there's something
about you that is,

in some ways, vulnerable.

Okay, well, this has
been a waste of time.

You are enough.

♪♪

What did you say to me?

You... are... enough.

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Sword clangs ]

[ Sobbing ]

You're being very, very brave.

Here.

Great work, Ethan.

[ Crying, blows nose ]



♪ I've gone down
that road again ♪

♪ I've been there before

♪ Though want to know more

♪ It's always been

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sword slices, chicken clucks ]

♪♪

Wow, that was one
heck of a wait,

but, ha,
my garden's finally ready.

I can't wait to pick
those veggies. What did you grow
this year, Dad?

Oh, everything... tomatoes,
beets, carrots, cucumbers.

Oh, my God. Dad, look at your garden!

[ Fly buzzes ]

Oh, no!

Who would do something
like this?

[ Goat bleats ]

A royal goat.

Come on!

I work hard all year,
busting my back

to try
and put food on the table,

and a royal goat takes it away
in the blink of an eye!

And now we're all gonna
starve to death!

[ Inhales sharply ]
Oh, well.

Nothing we can do about it.
[ Chuckles ]

Dad, no.
The Crown should be held liable

and give you money
for new seeds.

Take the Crown to court? Yeah.

I don't know, sweetie, uh,

maybe we shouldn't
ruffle any feathers.

Yeah, Al.
A smooth bird flies better.

No, I'm tired of the Crown
always screwing us over.

I say we stand up for ourselves
and we fight this thing.

[ Goat chomping ]

♪ Pudding man, pudding man

♪ I'm a little pudding man

♪ Pudding man, pudding man

♪ I'm a little pudding

Ohh! Oh! Oh!

Father, I'm so sorry.

Please, just make
the thrashing swift.

It's okay, son.

No problem.

Would you like to go for a walk?

♪♪

Dad, uh, are you...
Are you quite well?

You do... You do seem
a little different today.

[ Blows ]
I feeldifferent.

Been doing therapy, and,
uh, it's really helping me

find the roots to my core hurts.

Also, my therapist
prescribed me a potion

that's got me
low-key kinda faded.

Oh, oh, father, I...

think it's absolutely wonderful
that you're asking for help.

Son, I'm sorry
it's taken me so long.

I want to make up for lost time.

What do you say you and me
put the past behind us

and start afresh?

I-I-I would love that,
Dad.

Oh! Aah!

Sorry. Reflex.

Ah, totally understandable.
Growth doesn't happen overnight.

Thank you.

Come on.

Let's do bonding.

Eddie: You sure this lawsuit's
a good idea, sweetie?

Oh, yeah.
The Crown is going down.

Ah, I just can't wait
to get started.

Ditto. Lord Vexler,
representing the Crown.

Wowzers.
You look [bleep] hot!

Dad.

Alexandra, he needs to know.

Why'd you bring the goat?

This is my client, Gobbler.

I'm sorry. What?

No, we're suing the Crown,
not the goat.

The Crown didn't allegedly
eat your garden.

Your issue is with Gobbler,
and my goat client is innocent.

[ Goat bleats ]

He's just trying to get
under our skin, but don't worry.

An unbiased jury
will side with us.

What the hell?

Vexler, did you stack the jury
with goat herders?!

That's not fair!
They love goats!

Oopsie.
I'm a bad wittle lawyer.

Judge Marks,
you old bag of balloons!

Judge: Lord Vexler!

A little gift...
from my client.

♪♪

Mmm! Yummy!

Looks like a pretty
goat-friendly judge and jury.

But I trust ya, sweetie.

[ Goat bleats ]

Mikey, is the goat
who ate the garden

in this courtroom now?

Yes.

Can you point out him or her?

[ Goat bleats ]

Oh, come on.

[ Goat bleats ]

Let the record show
that Mikey pointed to Gobbler.

Between this eyewitness
testimony

and the preponderance
of forensic evidence,

you have no choice
but to convict.

No further questions,
Your Honor.

[ Yawns ]

Wow, that was educational.

[ Grunts ]

I think I speak for everyone
when I say,

"Thanks for the nap,
Alexandra."

[ Laughter ]

Nap!

Vexler:
I'll take it from here.

Michael, would you consider
goats to be stubborn animals?

I mean, yeah.

That's kind of their thing,
right?

Oh, so you think all goats
are stubborn?

Sounds like pretty classic
anti-goat bias to me.

All: Goats. Goats. Goats.
Goats. Goats. Goats.

On behalf of Gobbler the goat,
I would like to enter a motion

to countersue for defamation.

Motion approved.

What?! Mr. Shitshoveler,

the penalty for defamation...
is death.

So, if we lose this trial,
my dad will be killed?

That's correct.

Specifically, he will be fed
to the defendant.

This is totally unfair.

I mean, how are we
supposed to win

if Vexler won't play
by the rules?

Maybe we can still go
with the public defender.

[ Chicken clucks ]

I've got a better idea.

Is this sea or sky?

Ooh, that's a bit of sky,
I think.

I shall put it in this area.

This shall be the sky area.

Good idea.

Ooh!

I think I've found
a corner piece.

Oh, wonderful!

They are the key in a puzzle.

Oh, Father, would you mind
if we take a brief respite

from our puzzle party?

Not at all.
I'll be right here, son.

It does sound like
your father's been given

some rather rough treatment.

I-Is there anything
I can do to help?
Yes.

I was thinking maybe
you could ask your dad

to come down to the courthouse
and enforce a fair trial?

Well, normally,
I would be terrified
to ask my father anything,

but we've become quite close
as of this morning,

so I'll give it a whirl.
Thank you! Thank you!

Okay, well, please hurry
because I don't know

how long
we're gonna last in there.Okay.

What did I miss?

Eddie: Honestly,
it's been amazing.

Lord Vexler totally
broke Mikey down.

[ Crying ] I don't know
what's real anymore.

I'm so mixed up.

Mwah! Bellissimo![ Gavel bangs ]

Hey, big guy!

Father, I was wondering if
you might do me a small favor.

Of course, son.
What is it?

Would you mind popping down
to the courthouse very quickly?

It turns out our judicial system

might be a little
less than fair.

♪♪

Are you saying...

there's a problem with my laws?

♪♪

Nevermind, Papa.
All is well.

Oh, okay. Cool.

Vexler: Your Honor,
I would like to introduce...

Perfect timing.
Where's the king?

Uh, so, yes, bit of a good
news/bad news situation.

Bad news is my dad's not coming.

Good news is our
father-son relationship

is still progressing
quite nicely.

Well, what did he say
when you asked him?

Well, to be fair,
I didn't actually ask him.

I sort of started to ask him,
but then I got a very
strong vibe

it was gonna be a no,
so I just didn't.

You didn't even ask him?!

Al, he's been in such
a good mood lately.

I didn't want to annoy him.
So, not annoying your dad

is more important
than saving mine?

What? No.
Al, come on.

[ Sighs ]

[ Gavel bangs ]

Hear ye, hear ye!
I'm the town crier!

And it's the end of day two
of what's being called

"The Trial of the Century."

Closing arguments are tomorrow,

but it's not looking good
for Eddie,

as depicted here
in this courtroom sketch.

Lord Vexler, any comments
on today's proceedings?

Yes, thank you.

Some hard truths came to light
in there today,

but all in all, we're confident

that tomorrow,
justice will prevail.

I also want to let everyone know
that my client's written a book

for sale entitled "If I Ate It,"

now available
wherever books are sold.

Ooh. You got to
read me that book.

[ Crowd cheering ]

Father, do you mind
if I ask you something?

There's a-a young woman
that I've come to know recently,

and the truth is, I find myself
quite dazzled by her.

But recently, I-I fear
I may have done something stupid

that has ruined any chance
we have of growing closer.

I-I was wondering
if you had any advice.

You should murder her.

Um, Dad, when are you
going back to therapy?

Never. I burnt down
my therapist's hut

when I realized that she was
charging me for a full hour

and I had only been there
for 50 minutes.

I mean, what's that?

So, you're, um...
You're...

You're back to being
how you've always been, then?

Yep.
I'll never grow or change.

Change is weakness
creeping into the body.

Anyway, it's not like I'm sick.

Servant: King Cragnoor, sire,
I'm sorry to inform you

we've run out
of Maraschino cherries.

[ Gulps ]

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

How's it coming, sweetheart?

I'm trying to figure out
something that'll sway the jury,

but it's not going great.

You wouldn't happen to have
a secret twin

we could blame this all on,
do you?

[ Sighs ] I do, but not one
that I'm close with.

I'm sorry I got us
into this, Dad.

I was an idiot for thinking
I could change things.

Oh, it's okay, sweetie.

You know I'll be proud of you
until my dying breath,

which is tomorrow.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Hi.
What do you want?

Look, I'm so sorry
I let you down earlier.

Al, it was...
very stupid of me.

And I want to try and help.

So it isn't much, but I-I
raided the royal library.

Thought there might be something
in here that can help your case.

What, this is...
This is amazing.

Thank you.
Chauncley, seriously.

Oh, no, it's the least I can do.

Anyway, I'll, uh,
leave you to it.

Wait.

Would you want to stay and help
me read through some of these?

I-I'd love to.

♪♪

[ Blows ]

♪♪

[ Yawns ]

[ Chiseling ]

♪♪

♪♪

Chauncley.
Chauncley, look.

♪♪

[ Gavel bangs ]Vexler: In closing,

this trial has been
the most disturbing experience

of my entire life.

It's true, kids.
Monsters are real.

So I beg of you, find
Eddie Murphy Shitshoveler

guilty on all counts

and give my client,
Gobbler the goat,

the justice
she so rightly deserves.

I rest my case.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Defense, your closing statement.

♪♪

Truth... justice...

These are all concepts
I almost stopped believing in.

But then I realized, sometimes
justice needs a new truth.

And with that in mind,

my father pleads guilty
to all crimes!

[ Spectators mumbling ]

[ Gavel bangs ]Judge: Order!

Oh, finally decided
to give up, huh?

Per this change of plea,
the court finds the defendant...

Just one more thing, Your Honor.

We all agree the goat
has the full legal right

to eat my father.

But here's the rub.

How can a man
legally be fed to a goat

when that goat is also...
his wife?

[ All mumbling ]

Explain yourself, counselor.

Chapter 14, article 221
"Lower Murkford Law"

states that,
"No wife may eat her husband,"

but there's no law that says
a man can't marry a goat.

I see.

And has this marriage
been authorized

by a royal representative?

It has. By me.[ All gasp ]

Seeing as Gobbler
is royal property,

when Mr. Shitshoveler asked
for her hand in marriage,

I eagerly gave my blessing.

I don't know what she sees
in this melted Popsicle,

but, hey, I'm not gonna
talk her out of it.

[ All "Aw" ]

Objection!
This is insane.

A-A-A man
can't marry a goat!

Okay, that sounds like some
classic anti-goat bias to me.

Goats. Goats.

Judge: Order!

[ Gavel bangs ]

After reviewing the exhibits

and determining that
Eddie and Gobbler

clearly love each other
very much,

Mr. and Mrs. Shitshoveler...

you are free to go.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Laughs ]
Great job, sweetie.

I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Dad.

Alright, get your purse, dear.
We're going home.

[ Goat bleats ]

[ Cheers and applause
continues ]

Al: For real,
thank you.

I-I couldn't have done it
without you.

You're welcome.
Al, I was wondering,

would you ever want to hang...?

Hello, Father.

I've just been informed
that you aided a peasant

in humiliating the Crown
in court.

Yes, and I can see how that
might be a trigger for you,

but I'm still your son.

What do you say we just move
past this and continue to heal?

I say that this is the reason
I cursed God

the moment you were born.

When I saw your soft, weak mass

expelled from
your mother's womb,

I knew my kingdom was doomed!

[ Sighs ]
You suck.

Chauncley, I'm sorry. It's fine.
I'm used to it.

Yes?

[ Bell tolls ]

♪♪

Chauncley: [ Sighs ]

[ Rocks clatter ]

[ Rocks clatter ]

Oh!
Al: Ooh!

Oh, hi!

I brought your books back.

I didn't want to go
through the front

'cause your dad was
strangling someone in the foyer.

Oh, yikes.
That's two in a day.

Well, at least
he'll sleep well tonight.

You didn't have to come
all this way, by the way.
That's very kind of you.

I'm sorry you got in trouble
for helping me.

It was worth it.

Have you eaten dinner?

Um...

You know, I-I haven't.

Great.

Sir, thank you so much for
having me. This is wonderful.

Oh, it's our pleasure.

Sorry the vegetables
are a little bit eaten.

Oh! No,
I-I hadn't even noticed.

We should say grace.

After all, we've had it
pretty good lately.

Dad, things have been
going horribly.

The goat ate your garden,
and then you were almost killed.

Oh, honey, don't be dramatic.

Hands.

Dear Lord, thank you
for the privilege

of eating this great meal
with family and new friends.

Amen.
Amen.
Amen.

Hey, babe, can you
grab me a water?

That's okay.
Don't worry about it.

[ Goat bleats ]Happy wife, happy life.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪