Miracle Workers (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Dark Ages: Music Festival - full transcript
Alex begins to fear her friends are leaving her behind, while Prince Chauncley organizes a music concert to try to raise the spirits of the peasants.
One more round
of Knock-Knock-Ditch.
My turn !
ONE YEAR AGO
Hold this.
Hello ?
- What the shit ? Hello ?
- Okay, one more.
Who summons The Oracle ?
This is some bullshit !
- Okay, one more.
- One more.
- Who goes there ?
- It's the Valdrogians.
- Valdrogians ? State your purpose.
- We are here to wage war.
I'm ready to die !
Kill them all !
- Yikes. We better boogie.
- Let's go.
The women and children, too !
Everyone in this town
is so dumb.
Watch your head !
- What is it ?
- This is amazing.
I can't believe we've never
been up here before.
- From now on, this is our spot.
- I can't wait to get out of here.
And onto bigger
and better things.
- Until then, we've got each other.
- Yeah. You and me.
ONE YEAR LATER
MIRACLE WORKERS
DARK AGES
It's time to kill a person !
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- You missed the whole execution.
Something came up at work.
A statue of the Virgin Mary
started bleeding from her eyes,
and we had to call in
a regional supervisor...
If they made you stay late,
that's not your fault.
I sort of volunteered.
Are you, like,
into this convent job now ?
No, of course not. It's totally
dumb. So, what did I miss ?
It was pretty wild. They accused
this guy of murdering his brother
and then at the very last second,
the hag ran up and she...
Are you seriously on your rosary ?
I just have to hit
this dumb prayer quota before EOD.
- Actually, what time is it ?
- Quarter past.
- Shit, I better get back.
- You just got here.
I promised Trish that I'd help her
with her holy relic inventory.
That crazy nun
who cut out her own tongue ?
She can be very funny
with her hands. Catch you later.
Later !
And now it's time to kill
another person.
Driver, stop right here,
please. Thank you.
Al, fancy seeing you here. Thought
I'd take a little spin through town.
- Why ? This town sucks ass.
- Oh, God. I had no idea.
Now you know. There's nothing cool
here, and everything sucks !
- Later, Chauncley.
- Yes. Goodbye.
Father, some of the peasants
seem to be in rather a bad mood.
They think there is nothing "cool" here
and that "everything sucks."
Perhaps there's something we could do
to cheer her... cheer them all up.
It will be a frigid day in hell
when I, King Cragnoor the Heartless,
help those ignorant,
mud-caked peasants.
And if they do not like it,
I swear by all the gods
and all the demons
that I will crush their skulls !
There is something about my father.
I don't know what it is.
It's the way he is with people.
It's not very nice. Where
does he even get all the skulls ?
Skull bag. He makes me
carry this around everywhere.
It's really heavy and doesn't
really go with anything.
I don't want to end up like my father,
I want to help all the peasants,
from the plowshares,
to the ditch diggers,
to the ones who have long brown hair
and a razor-sharp wit.
I've had an idea. Yes ! This will
improve their lives immeasurably.
- You'll grant them human rights ?
- No. Even better.
Prince Chauncley's throwing
a music festival ! We gotta go.
I can't. I have a board meeting.
We hit ourselves in the head
with a wooden board.
Let's have some fun for once.
- Whatever happened to fun Maggie ?
- I'm still fun Maggie.
I'm in the middle of my shift.
Guess who's headlining.
Percival Forthwind.
No way !
Sorry, Trish.
Percival never plays small towns.
This could be our only chance. Please.
- I could take a personal day.
- Yes ! Let's go !
- Maggie !
- Coming.
Check, check, one, two, one, two.
Sage ? Sage ?
Anybody carrying ?
Al ! Good to see you.
So glad you could attend.
This festival rules. It's so cool
that you got Percival here.
Will he play "Hoo Hoo Hoo" ?
It's my all-time favorite.
Then I will make certain
he includes it in his repertoire.
- Thanks !
- Alright, enjoy.
Ah, God damn it. Come on.
Mr. Forthwind ! Welcome ! We are
so excited that you're here.
Look at you.
Totally buying it, huh ?
- What am I buying ?
- All of this. The illusion.
- What's happening ?
- I'm Kirsten, Percival's manager.
He is so excited to be here.
But we do have one tiny problem.
Oh, no ! Lord Vexler, did we remember
everything in Mr. Forthwind's rider ?
Ten jugs of top-shelf mead,
five pounds of robin's eggs
with the brown ones taken out,
and a personal toilet man.
- Eddie Shitshoveler at your service.
- So, what's the problem ?
Percival's an artist, and he just
doesn't feel very inspired now.
- What can we do to inspire him ?
- Your best bet is to pay him double.
- We already agreed on a fee.
- No, it's fine. That makes sense.
We will go and get the money
and return post haste.
Hold on. Chauncley, we're already
paying him a fortune.
It'll all be worth it
when he plays "Hoo Hoo Hoo."
Besides, we should be respectful.
The man is a great artist.
I'm not sure about this opening act.
- I'm glad we're doing this together.
- Me too. Thanks for inviting me.
- I hope Percival comes on soon.
- Me too.
Per-ci-val ! Per-ci-val !
- Trish ! Trish, over here.
- You invited her ?
I told her that I was coming,
and she wanted to tag along.
She doesn't have a tongue.
She can't even sing along.
She has fingers. She can snap.
I'm so glad you could make it !
- I don't get it.
- Oh, sorry, that's a work joke.
Trish had to bless the catacombs
this morning, and it's...
Never mind.
It's too hard to explain.
Stop ! I'm gonna pee !
Trish !
Mass media, they just treat art
as it's commerce.
They split it up so that
it kind of becomes...
It's product. This is art,
and it's just an object.
You just can't, Toilet Man.
You can't. It doesn't exist.
- Here you are.
- Feels like it's all here.
Alright. I gotta do
my little monkey dance.
We're very excited,
especially for "Hoo Hoo Hoo."
- What did you say to me ?!
- There's been a miscommunication.
Percival will not be performing
any of his old material tonight.
He's just gonna be doing
his new stuff.
We doubled his pay and he's not
playing the one song everyone knows ?
Your dad would have him
decapitated.
I'm not my dad.
There is no need for confrontation.
If we do literally everything
he says, he'll play "Hoo Hoo Hoo."
I'm into sort of amelodic stuff
lately, just devoid of melody.
Wow ! Trish, that is a spot-on
Mother Superior impression.
Yes ! Mother Superior sounds
like a huge bitch !
They should call her
Mother Bitch !
That was Mother Superior
giving alms to the poor.
- We were honoring her.
- I didn't realize. Sorry.
Thank you, Lower Murkford ! Yes !
And now the moment
you've all been waiting for.
Percival Forthwind !
Alright.
Alright ! Oh, no !
Got a little song.
"Bow to Your God."
Bow to your god,
His name is money !
He has to do the new stuff first.
And then he'll get to the old stuff.
I think he's drunk.
Experiments... with sound.
Experiments... with sound.
Trish is doing work at a concert.
That's so annoying, right ?
Maggie ?
- You've got to be kidding me !
- We're trying to hit our quota.
We came here was to forget
about work and have fun together.
I'm not missing anything.
This sucks.
- You're hanging out with Trish.
- Trish is my friend.
Trish is the kind of person
we used to laugh at.
She's like everyone else.
- All she cares about is her job.
- What if I care about it, too ?
That'd be crazy because your job
is pointless and boring.
And if you're into it, that makes
me sad to think about your future.
Maybe you're sad
because I have a future.
I'm proud of what I'm doing,
and if you were a real friend,
then you would be, too.
Come on, Trish.
I don't hear anything.
Is there a crew ?
- Maggie ! Wait !
- I have to get back to work.
You were right. I'm jealous.
You have new friends and a career.
You're doing really well. I should
be happy for you, but I'm not.
And it's really shitty of me.
I'm really sorry, Maggie.
Anyway,
I'll let you get back to it.
I could stay a little longer.
- One more song ?
- One more.
Hey, Trish, we're going back
for a sec. You wanna come ?
And one and two, two, two.
Where is the crew ?
This sucked for you, and it sucked
for me. This is bullshit. Bye.
- What the hell ?
- He's leaving already ?
Mr. Forthwind, my son, Mikey.
Big fan. Could he get an autograph ?
- Here you go. You met me.
- Thank you so...
What does it say, Dad ?
Does it say my name ?
I don't think so, son.
I don't think so.
Mr. Forthwind, please play your song.
It would make the peasants so happy.
The sheep didn't get to hear the song
they heard in the mead commercial.
What are they gonna do ?
Stupid idiots.
You son of a bitch !
Those peasants are good,
hardworking people
who spend all day toiling
at their various jobs,
doing I'm not exactly sure what.
Some of them are quite spectacular,
with an indomitable spirit that
soars like the wings of an eagle.
You are a washed-up has-been who
should feel lucky to play for them.
You're a nostalgia booking.
I want you to run onto that stage
and play your damn song !
If you don't, I swear
by every god and every demon,
I will crush your skull !
Hello, beautiful people !
You look great !
I am so happy to be here today
in Lower Murkford.
Go, Battle Axes !
I mean it !
I'm gonna need the crowd's help
for this next one.
So, if you know the words,
please sing along and sing loud !
Two, three, four !
A little lad fell in the stream
A maiden fair heard his scream
"Who is there to save my soul ?"
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...
Prince Chauncley, you did
some real damage to this guy.
I'm sorry. In some ways, I am
just as ill-tempered as my father.
King Cragnoor gets angry at the
peasants. You got angry for them.
He would never put on a free concert.
What possessed you to do all this ?
Nothing in particular.
A handsome dove
His wings are clipped
Who will save him ?
- Thanks for bringing lunch.
- It was nothing.
I know Sundays are crazy.
What's up with that new badge ?
- It's no big deal. I got promoted.
- Maggie ! What's your new title ?
Marketing executive.
You go to the market
and you beat yourself with a rock.
It's a big step up.
- We gotta celebrate. Where's Trish ?
- You are not gonna believe this.
She went on tour with Percival. Her no
tongue thing works with his new sound.
Way to go, Trish !
Guess we're all living our dreams.
Trish is dating a rock star.
You're a career woman.
- And I'm figuring it out.
- Cheers.
That's your cue.
- Maggie. Wait.
- Thanks.
MIRACLE WORKERS
of Knock-Knock-Ditch.
My turn !
ONE YEAR AGO
Hold this.
Hello ?
- What the shit ? Hello ?
- Okay, one more.
Who summons The Oracle ?
This is some bullshit !
- Okay, one more.
- One more.
- Who goes there ?
- It's the Valdrogians.
- Valdrogians ? State your purpose.
- We are here to wage war.
I'm ready to die !
Kill them all !
- Yikes. We better boogie.
- Let's go.
The women and children, too !
Everyone in this town
is so dumb.
Watch your head !
- What is it ?
- This is amazing.
I can't believe we've never
been up here before.
- From now on, this is our spot.
- I can't wait to get out of here.
And onto bigger
and better things.
- Until then, we've got each other.
- Yeah. You and me.
ONE YEAR LATER
MIRACLE WORKERS
DARK AGES
It's time to kill a person !
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- You missed the whole execution.
Something came up at work.
A statue of the Virgin Mary
started bleeding from her eyes,
and we had to call in
a regional supervisor...
If they made you stay late,
that's not your fault.
I sort of volunteered.
Are you, like,
into this convent job now ?
No, of course not. It's totally
dumb. So, what did I miss ?
It was pretty wild. They accused
this guy of murdering his brother
and then at the very last second,
the hag ran up and she...
Are you seriously on your rosary ?
I just have to hit
this dumb prayer quota before EOD.
- Actually, what time is it ?
- Quarter past.
- Shit, I better get back.
- You just got here.
I promised Trish that I'd help her
with her holy relic inventory.
That crazy nun
who cut out her own tongue ?
She can be very funny
with her hands. Catch you later.
Later !
And now it's time to kill
another person.
Driver, stop right here,
please. Thank you.
Al, fancy seeing you here. Thought
I'd take a little spin through town.
- Why ? This town sucks ass.
- Oh, God. I had no idea.
Now you know. There's nothing cool
here, and everything sucks !
- Later, Chauncley.
- Yes. Goodbye.
Father, some of the peasants
seem to be in rather a bad mood.
They think there is nothing "cool" here
and that "everything sucks."
Perhaps there's something we could do
to cheer her... cheer them all up.
It will be a frigid day in hell
when I, King Cragnoor the Heartless,
help those ignorant,
mud-caked peasants.
And if they do not like it,
I swear by all the gods
and all the demons
that I will crush their skulls !
There is something about my father.
I don't know what it is.
It's the way he is with people.
It's not very nice. Where
does he even get all the skulls ?
Skull bag. He makes me
carry this around everywhere.
It's really heavy and doesn't
really go with anything.
I don't want to end up like my father,
I want to help all the peasants,
from the plowshares,
to the ditch diggers,
to the ones who have long brown hair
and a razor-sharp wit.
I've had an idea. Yes ! This will
improve their lives immeasurably.
- You'll grant them human rights ?
- No. Even better.
Prince Chauncley's throwing
a music festival ! We gotta go.
I can't. I have a board meeting.
We hit ourselves in the head
with a wooden board.
Let's have some fun for once.
- Whatever happened to fun Maggie ?
- I'm still fun Maggie.
I'm in the middle of my shift.
Guess who's headlining.
Percival Forthwind.
No way !
Sorry, Trish.
Percival never plays small towns.
This could be our only chance. Please.
- I could take a personal day.
- Yes ! Let's go !
- Maggie !
- Coming.
Check, check, one, two, one, two.
Sage ? Sage ?
Anybody carrying ?
Al ! Good to see you.
So glad you could attend.
This festival rules. It's so cool
that you got Percival here.
Will he play "Hoo Hoo Hoo" ?
It's my all-time favorite.
Then I will make certain
he includes it in his repertoire.
- Thanks !
- Alright, enjoy.
Ah, God damn it. Come on.
Mr. Forthwind ! Welcome ! We are
so excited that you're here.
Look at you.
Totally buying it, huh ?
- What am I buying ?
- All of this. The illusion.
- What's happening ?
- I'm Kirsten, Percival's manager.
He is so excited to be here.
But we do have one tiny problem.
Oh, no ! Lord Vexler, did we remember
everything in Mr. Forthwind's rider ?
Ten jugs of top-shelf mead,
five pounds of robin's eggs
with the brown ones taken out,
and a personal toilet man.
- Eddie Shitshoveler at your service.
- So, what's the problem ?
Percival's an artist, and he just
doesn't feel very inspired now.
- What can we do to inspire him ?
- Your best bet is to pay him double.
- We already agreed on a fee.
- No, it's fine. That makes sense.
We will go and get the money
and return post haste.
Hold on. Chauncley, we're already
paying him a fortune.
It'll all be worth it
when he plays "Hoo Hoo Hoo."
Besides, we should be respectful.
The man is a great artist.
I'm not sure about this opening act.
- I'm glad we're doing this together.
- Me too. Thanks for inviting me.
- I hope Percival comes on soon.
- Me too.
Per-ci-val ! Per-ci-val !
- Trish ! Trish, over here.
- You invited her ?
I told her that I was coming,
and she wanted to tag along.
She doesn't have a tongue.
She can't even sing along.
She has fingers. She can snap.
I'm so glad you could make it !
- I don't get it.
- Oh, sorry, that's a work joke.
Trish had to bless the catacombs
this morning, and it's...
Never mind.
It's too hard to explain.
Stop ! I'm gonna pee !
Trish !
Mass media, they just treat art
as it's commerce.
They split it up so that
it kind of becomes...
It's product. This is art,
and it's just an object.
You just can't, Toilet Man.
You can't. It doesn't exist.
- Here you are.
- Feels like it's all here.
Alright. I gotta do
my little monkey dance.
We're very excited,
especially for "Hoo Hoo Hoo."
- What did you say to me ?!
- There's been a miscommunication.
Percival will not be performing
any of his old material tonight.
He's just gonna be doing
his new stuff.
We doubled his pay and he's not
playing the one song everyone knows ?
Your dad would have him
decapitated.
I'm not my dad.
There is no need for confrontation.
If we do literally everything
he says, he'll play "Hoo Hoo Hoo."
I'm into sort of amelodic stuff
lately, just devoid of melody.
Wow ! Trish, that is a spot-on
Mother Superior impression.
Yes ! Mother Superior sounds
like a huge bitch !
They should call her
Mother Bitch !
That was Mother Superior
giving alms to the poor.
- We were honoring her.
- I didn't realize. Sorry.
Thank you, Lower Murkford ! Yes !
And now the moment
you've all been waiting for.
Percival Forthwind !
Alright.
Alright ! Oh, no !
Got a little song.
"Bow to Your God."
Bow to your god,
His name is money !
He has to do the new stuff first.
And then he'll get to the old stuff.
I think he's drunk.
Experiments... with sound.
Experiments... with sound.
Trish is doing work at a concert.
That's so annoying, right ?
Maggie ?
- You've got to be kidding me !
- We're trying to hit our quota.
We came here was to forget
about work and have fun together.
I'm not missing anything.
This sucks.
- You're hanging out with Trish.
- Trish is my friend.
Trish is the kind of person
we used to laugh at.
She's like everyone else.
- All she cares about is her job.
- What if I care about it, too ?
That'd be crazy because your job
is pointless and boring.
And if you're into it, that makes
me sad to think about your future.
Maybe you're sad
because I have a future.
I'm proud of what I'm doing,
and if you were a real friend,
then you would be, too.
Come on, Trish.
I don't hear anything.
Is there a crew ?
- Maggie ! Wait !
- I have to get back to work.
You were right. I'm jealous.
You have new friends and a career.
You're doing really well. I should
be happy for you, but I'm not.
And it's really shitty of me.
I'm really sorry, Maggie.
Anyway,
I'll let you get back to it.
I could stay a little longer.
- One more song ?
- One more.
Hey, Trish, we're going back
for a sec. You wanna come ?
And one and two, two, two.
Where is the crew ?
This sucked for you, and it sucked
for me. This is bullshit. Bye.
- What the hell ?
- He's leaving already ?
Mr. Forthwind, my son, Mikey.
Big fan. Could he get an autograph ?
- Here you go. You met me.
- Thank you so...
What does it say, Dad ?
Does it say my name ?
I don't think so, son.
I don't think so.
Mr. Forthwind, please play your song.
It would make the peasants so happy.
The sheep didn't get to hear the song
they heard in the mead commercial.
What are they gonna do ?
Stupid idiots.
You son of a bitch !
Those peasants are good,
hardworking people
who spend all day toiling
at their various jobs,
doing I'm not exactly sure what.
Some of them are quite spectacular,
with an indomitable spirit that
soars like the wings of an eagle.
You are a washed-up has-been who
should feel lucky to play for them.
You're a nostalgia booking.
I want you to run onto that stage
and play your damn song !
If you don't, I swear
by every god and every demon,
I will crush your skull !
Hello, beautiful people !
You look great !
I am so happy to be here today
in Lower Murkford.
Go, Battle Axes !
I mean it !
I'm gonna need the crowd's help
for this next one.
So, if you know the words,
please sing along and sing loud !
Two, three, four !
A little lad fell in the stream
A maiden fair heard his scream
"Who is there to save my soul ?"
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...
Prince Chauncley, you did
some real damage to this guy.
I'm sorry. In some ways, I am
just as ill-tempered as my father.
King Cragnoor gets angry at the
peasants. You got angry for them.
He would never put on a free concert.
What possessed you to do all this ?
Nothing in particular.
A handsome dove
His wings are clipped
Who will save him ?
- Thanks for bringing lunch.
- It was nothing.
I know Sundays are crazy.
What's up with that new badge ?
- It's no big deal. I got promoted.
- Maggie ! What's your new title ?
Marketing executive.
You go to the market
and you beat yourself with a rock.
It's a big step up.
- We gotta celebrate. Where's Trish ?
- You are not gonna believe this.
She went on tour with Percival. Her no
tongue thing works with his new sound.
Way to go, Trish !
Guess we're all living our dreams.
Trish is dating a rock star.
You're a career woman.
- And I'm figuring it out.
- Cheers.
That's your cue.
- Maggie. Wait.
- Thanks.
MIRACLE WORKERS