Minx (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Just relaying news about a wayward snake - full transcript
- Eat your broccoli.
♪ ♪
Oh...
I found a velvet sectional
for the living room.
I put some plants behind it,
you know, scheffleras.
There is a gorgeous
new plant store in Arleta.
Turns out I like Arleta.
Don't go there at night.
Oh, and Theresa
needs a grand piano.
I mean, who are we fooling
with this upright?
She's too good.
- We're gonna have to hold off
on this stuff
for a while, all right?
- Why?
♪ ♪
Where'd the money go, Vince?
Did it just disappear?
- It's been
a tough couple of months.
- Oh, yeah,
it's gonna be a tough year
if you keep letting
Johnny do your books.
- Hey, that's business.
That's not your problem.
- Oh, yes, it is.
You know who never loses money,
who tracks every cent
that comes
in this house like a hawk?
Not that you'd appreciate it.
- I appreciate you.
- And I need a new dishwasher.
It's hot in here.
- How big of a piano
are we talking about?
- You tell me.
you're better at fitting things
in tight spaces.
- Okay, the piano,
but the other stuff--
- No, no, no,
I totally understand,
completely understand.
- Good.
I got a surprise.
Guys got this off a truck.
- Oh, my God.
- Brand-spanking-new.
- Might put you in the mood.
Oh, oh, my.
You didn't tell me
you got a second job modeling.
What the hell is this?
♪ ♪
- No, no, no, no, Louie.
I got it.
No problem.
I-I'll fix this.
Okay, no, thank you.
- Uh, who do I go to
for petty cash?
We need some set pieces
that read
Italian Renaissance.
- Put that on ice, Prigger.
We got a bigger problem.
- We're in business
with the Mob,
with the literal Mob
who whack people
and bootleg whiskey?
- Well, it's not the 1920s,
but, yeah.
- You never thought to tell me
that the Mafia
delivers my magazine?
- Guys in trucks
deliver our magazines,
and they are employed
by shipping companies
who may or may not,
but absolutely do,
have ties to organized crime.
- Well, then let's get
a different distributor.
- Great, you know anybody
who wants
all their trucks set
on fire tomorrow?
- Okay, so they're--they're
Catholic enough
to be offended by an article
on birth control,
but yet they're somehow fine
with naughty nuns?
- These are
complicated people, Joyce.
They contain multitudes.
- Don't quote
my heroes back to me.
It's so irritating
when you do that.
Don't--
They probably just blew past
the nuances in my article.
What if I talk to 'em
and--and I explain the benefits
of family planning?
- Are you one of those people
who gets turned
on the moment before you die?
- How could anybody answer that
with any accuracy?
You're just giving in?
- No, I'm getting "Minx"
back on the shelves.
This is now
a shippable magazine.
One down and 499,000 to go.
You're welcome.
Grab a magazine.
- ♪ Getting you
took a long, long time ♪
♪ What's your name?
Are you feeling fine? ♪
♪ Pull up a chair,
share my wine ♪
- Hey, there they are.
- ♪ Close your eyes,
come inside ♪
- Don't worry about us.
We will be in and out quicker
than a senator in a whorehouse.
There you go.
Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar.
Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar.
Thank you.
- You do realize your
magazine's already broken out
by region--
like, all over the warehouse.
You gonna have to go around
pulling bundles.
It's gonna take all week.
- All right, Bambi,
you are our page opener,
Richie, staple remover,
Shelly, article extractor,
and, Tina, bringing it all home
as our re-stapler.
- Um, yeah, you know,
I think we should--
Yeah, um, I'm actually
a natural staple remover.
- Oh.
- It's a shoot day tomorrow.
These shouldn't be
near anything sharp.
- Gotcha.
- Ooh, I like that.
- I'm--I'm not trying
to die today.
- Big centerfold
shoot tomorrow.
We're doing "David."
- Oh, Niven?
- Uh, no, Michelangelo.
- Oh, that's my Joyce-y.
- This is what I'm talking
about right here--
the A-team setting
the standard.
I love to see it.
- How long is this gonna take?
I have so much to do
at the office.
- We'll leave when we're done.
How's that?
- I suggested day laborers.
- Yeah, but they don't care.
They're mercenaries, just
ripping apart our magazine
like a pack of wolves.
No, I hire good people
who give a shit.
I'll go talk to 'em.
- And I will get coffee.
- Mm, now, I don't have a thing
for feet,
but check out
those little piggies.
- I'd like to take them
to market.
- As you were, gentlemen.
It's nothing I don't see
every single day.
In fact, I actually consulted
on this photo shoot,
which is why
our naughty teacher
is holding the book
right side up.
I wonder if you could point me
in the direction of the coffee.
- It's in the cabinet,
but the pot's cracked.
- Excuse me,
after an 18-hour shift,
you might get a case
of the dropsies, too.
- 18 hours?
That is a long day.
- Tape is in the cabinet.
- Oh, merci.
- Right on.
- What happened to your hand?
- Forklift, one.
Carlos, zero.
- Noted.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, my God.
- What's wrong with you?
- Oh, yeah.
Ventilation in the warehouse
is dog shit.
Fumes from the trucks.
- Well, gentlemen, not to give
our current administration
too much credit,
but they did pass
federal workplace
safety regulations
two years ago.
Surely you've heard of OSHA?
- OSHA?
- Yeah, you don't have to labor
in these awful conditions.
You, like all workers,
have rights.
♪ ♪
- How many more days, Tina?
- Not my call, Phil.
When the job's done,
it'll be done.
- But fixing "Minx"
is not our job.
I have four profitable titles
of my own.
I spent all day yesterday
hauling magazine bales
like a goddamn farmer.
- Van leaves at 9:00.
- Oh, huh, oh--
- Oh, that doesn't look
like Eddie.
- It's not Eddie.
- Who is Eddie?
- The snake we book for shoots,
but that's not Eddie.
- All right, okay, look,
we have been socialized
by the patriarchy
to think of ourselves
as victims
who need to be rescued,
but we're liberated women.
We can clearly
just rescue ourselve--
- Oh!
- All right, okay, all right.
Okay, all right.
- Aw, hi, friend.
Are you lost?
It's okay.
We're gonna find you
a new home.
What about the parking lot?
In a little ditch back there,
I saw a bunch of mice.
Seems like a fun time.
Yes, cutie.
- Bleh! Okay, we have got
to put up a sign,
make sure people
do not leave the door open.
- You think that thing
slithered in on a its own?
That was a threat.
- Oh.
- Message received, Louie,
and snake received.
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not accusing you.
I'm--I'm simply relaying news
of a wayward snake.
The point is,
is I will handle this 100%.
You are as reasonable
as you are kind.
T-thank you.
Bye.
Prigger!
- Why do you always assume
that it's my fault?
- Oh, was it some other jackass
in a pussy bow
riling up
the warehouse guys,
educating them
about workers' rights?
- It's a wildly unsafe
environment.
Surely even the Mob
doesn't want their employees
dying on the job.
- They're the Mob.
They're famous
for being okay with that.
- And I'm the bad guy here.
- Listen to me, kid.
I went from having no "Minx"
to no magazines at all.
They won't deliver anything
of mine because of you.
15 years I'm in business
with these people,
no problem.
You're here six weeks,
and I don't know if I have
a business anymore.
- Well, if it's that fragile,
I might argue
that you don't
have a business at all, really.
- Don't you take
the high road on me.
So you're into workers now?
You're their champion?
Is that it?
- Sure.
- Stand up.
Look out the window.
I mean it.
Stand up, please.
Look out the window.
You see all these people?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, their asses are
on the line because of you.
- All right, okay,
surely there is
a simple solution here.
- Yeah, there is.
You're gonna get your wish.
You're gonna talk to the Mob.
♪ ♪
- Uh...
♪ ♪
I cannot believe
I'm missing this,
but I'm sure that everything
you need is right in here.
Oh, and Shelly knows
what I want, so...
- I'm not sure where exactly
he's supposed to be looking.
- Away from camera.
That's the "Minx" twist.
- Oh.
- "The David" is idealized
male beauty.
It's a sculpture
that invites objectification,
but just as we reject men
looking at women,
we also reject men looking
at women looking at men.
- But he's
already looking away.
- Yes, that's why we
having him looking away
but in the opposite direction.
It subverts expectation.
- Oh.
- Okay. Uh, Dane, hop up there.
♪ ♪
- Am I supposed to look away?
- You'll get used to it.
♪ ♪
- Yeah, that's the rough idea,
I guess, but I have to go.
So, um, I know
you'll make it sing.
- Joyce--
- Is he just
gonna leave that there?
Lord in Heaven.
- How long is this drive?
Those chocolate dicks are not
gonna hold up in the sun.
- Think they're gonna melt?
- Move over.
You have no flair
for presentation.
- All right.
Thank you.
Today's gonna go good.
I'm gonna go to this
little shindig for Little Vito,
get some face time
with the big man,
and, boom,
we'll be back in business.
- If I knew the fate of our
company came down to a T-shirt,
I would've sprung
for a 100% cotton.
- You sure you're
cool to hold down the fort?
- You cool with waltzing
into a Mob boss' house?
- Oh, come on,
these are L.A. gangsters.
The danger peters out
the further you get
from Sicily.
♪ ♪
What is going on?
Are you worried about me?
- I'm just not sure
bringing the problem
to solve the problem
solves the problem.
- All right, well,
unless you got any connections
to a rival crime family...
I think this is our only move.
Hey...
what do you think?
- Cement shoes are gonna
go great with those slacks.
- All right, go ahead.
Let me hear it. Practice.
- With pep.
I'm sorry I sowed seeds
of resentment
at your warehouse.
- Joyce...
you are there
to kiss the ring, okay?
- Oh, please.
He's not the Pope.
Not that that guy is any great
shakes either, by the way,
His policy on homo--
- No, Joyce.
You're there to apologize
and to congratulate Little Vito
on getting made, married,
or out of jail.
Under no circumstances
do you preach, rabble-rouse,
or speak truth to power--
no Joyce-ing.
- Oh-ho, I didn't realize
I was a verb now.
And maybe, you know,
just to play
devil's advocate,
aren't we here because
Joyce-ing is effective?
I-I activated
those workers, didn't I?
- I'm so sorry.
What is your argument here?
- That maybe
I'm the perfect person
to change
a few hearts and minds
about reproductive rights.
- Okay, you know what?
I think they made
their position on the pill
crystal clear, Prigger.
Why don't we
take them at their word
and stop pissing 'em off?
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm grea--yes.
All right, practice, go again.
- Oh, my God!
♪ ♪
- Vito, Vito,
don't go too far!
And no peeing
in the Larsons' yard!
Must be here for Vince.
Follow me.
Get the door.
- Little Vito?
- I thought it was ironic,
like Thin Joey
or Handsome Tom, okay?
- ♪ Somewhere ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Beyond the sea ♪
♪ She's there
watching for me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If I could fly ♪
♪ Like birds on high ♪
- The ball is out!
- ♪ Then straight
to her arms ♪
♪ I'd go sailing ♪
- Hey, Vince,
some work friends are here
at your son's birthday.
- Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar,
and this is--
- Come on, honey.
Girls are in the kitchen.
- Oh, no, I'm fine here.
- I'd say just go
in the kitchen.
- No, it's--this is
where all the action is.
- Believe me, you'll be bored
out of your mind, sweetheart.
Go.
- Plans change.
Go make friends.
I'll pull you in if I can.
- Come on, hon.
We need help in the kitchen.
♪ ♪
- Help me settle a bet,
will you?
I say every man with a beard
has a weak chin.
- You got me.
- Oh, shoes off, hon.
We just polished the floors.
- Oh.
- Girls, this is Joyce.
She came in
with a very handsome fella.
- Oh!
- No, no, God, no.
He's not my boyfriend.
- Who is not her boyfriend.
- Oh.
- Wow, seems like
there is a lot
of unacknowledged labor
going on in here.
Do the men ever lift
a finger to help--
- Yeah, stir the gravy.
I got to frost the cake.
- So we only had the one car,
the GTO,
and Freddy had to be
the one to drive it.
By the way,
Freddy hates left turns.
We'll make smaller
and smaller circles
till we just get somewhere.
- We don't want to ruin
your nice outfit.
What was this, $30?
Bullocks on Wilshire.
- Actually, yes.
- So I wait
till Freddy's out of town,
and I go and buy one of those
baby car seats, a pink one,
and I put it in the GTO.
Freddy comes home.
Now it's a woman's car.
He goes out
and gets himself a Caddy.
I got the GTO.
- That's very clever.
But, uh, it reinforces
gender norms--
- Will you hold Steffi a sec?
- Sure.
Oh, God, I don't think
she likes me, though.
- Don't forget the gravy.
- Quickly?
You know, there is
a new movement
called Wages for House--
- You like?
- That is incredible.
- Mm.
- The problem isn't the angle.
It's the concept.
- Then why don't we try
something else?
I mean, we're already
not doing the "David."
- Mm.
- Sure.
Look at this guy's giant hands
and cute little fella.
- You have a much bigger penis
than the "David."
- Much.
- Standards of masculinity
were different
in Renaissance Florence.
Large penises were associated
with foolishness,
ugliness, and lust.
- Oh.
Oh, okay.
Listen, Joyce told us
her vision,
and we need to execute that.
- But are we even in the
neighborhood of arousal here?
- If we give Joyce
something that sparkles,
I mean, she'll find meaning
we didn't even know was there.
- She is very good at that.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's the face thing.
I want to see his face.
- It's the one thing
she was clear about--the face.
Can't you just use
a different lens or something?
- Babe, that's not
how photography works.
Get him up there.
I'm gonna change the lens.
- And it does a sani cycle.
Washes glasses
without leaving spots.
- Louie doesn't know it yet,
but he's getting me
one of these.
- The design is very elegant,
but it just--you know what?
Appliances like this
just give women
the illusion of more time.
- I want one,
but Freddy is so cheap.
- That's consistent
with the Freddy
you've been describing.
- Oh, hon.
Steff Just spilled her juice.
Will you get that for me?
- Yes.
Did you spill your juice?
- Freddy, did you see
Francie's new dishwasher?
It soaks and scrubs.
- Looks expensive.
- Oh, I wasn't suggesting.
I know we can't afford it.
But maybe in a few years
when Francesca
or Brenda upgrade,
we can get their old one.
- Louie's getting you
one of these?
- It's been discussed.
- Pick one up this weekend.
- You're the boss.
Did you see that?
She just totally
manipulated him.
- Time for birthday cake.
She's good.
♪ ♪
- What a tough loss, right?
But I think
we all know how it feels
to have something
pulled out from under you--
- Postgame, postgame.
- Yeah.
Let's just
finish the postgame.
- Tough one
out there today, Billy.
- Those backers
were all over me
like a tick on a coonhound.
Only one thing left to do--
shake off the loss,
hit the town,
see what kind of tail
Buffalo has to offer.
- Oh, Jes--
You earned it, Billy.
They don't make 'em
like him anymore, right?
- No, they don't--
a guy who makes mistakes
but somehow comes back
even stronger for the win--
- It's the only position
in the league
where they still allow
white guys to even play.
- It's the most important one.
They need someone
who strategizes good.
- They don't let the mulignans
on the team for their brains.
- You know, when I was young,
we had the Yankees, right?
And then they had a
Negro league, and it was fine.
It just worked fine.
Jackie Robinson comes along,
before you know it,
I got to hire these people.
- Yeah, that's when the money
starts walking out the door.
- That's why there's fucking
cash missing all the time.
- Sticky fingers,
every single one of them.
- Well, you know what they say
about the Sicilians--
they're no-good gangsters,
and they're thugs,
every single one of them.
- What'd you just say?
- I thought you guys
were gonna laugh.
I was making a joke.
I'm an Italian myself.
Oh, really?
- You got to be a Nablidon
of course, right?
- I don't speak the language.
- Oh, you're not Italian.
- I didn't mean any disrespect.
I have nothing
but respect for you.
You know, a-at my company,
Bottom Dollar,
I got everybody under the sun
working for me.
My top lieutenant's Black--
a woman, Black woman.
- Oh.
- She's good, man.
She's good.
When I had money missing,
it was her
who figured out who took it.
- Who stole it, her brother?
Funny, no, no.
All I'm saying is,
if somebody's skimming
off the top,
the chances are it's not
a low-level guy you just hired.
It's somebody who knows
your business the best.
It's the inner circle--
the people you let
your guard down around,
the ones
you consider your friends.
And if you ask me,
that's just common se--
- 40% budget increase,
camera upgrades,
60-pound glossy stock--
what is this?
- List of demands.
You know Doug has lost it.
- We want a fair workplace.
We want what "Minx" gets.
- Shouldn't you be working?
- We can't.
"Minx" is two hours
over their studio time.
Big surprise.
♪ ♪
- Vittorio!
It's time!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Vittorio!
♪ ♪
- Finally.
So?
- So it's
a complex negotiation.
- You haven't even brought up
the magazine yet, have you?
- Nope.
- Why are you so sweaty?
Your beard is really sweaty.
- Oh, shit.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- It's dripping.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday-- ♪
- Vince needs
to speak with you one-on-one.
- I thought I--I was gonna have
some cake first.
- I strongly advise against it.
Come on.
♪ To you ♪
- ♪ And many more ♪
- Happy birthday.
♪ ♪
- Seven in a row.
- How are you doing that?
Are you actually David?
- No, I just grew up on a farm.
- Okay, we have
to get back to work.
I changed
the whole lighting setup.
Let's just pretend like we've
never done any of this before.
- I'm not your mother, Dane.
Thank God.
- Up here.
- Oh, cramp.
- You okay?
- Ooh, yeah, yeah.
Just give me a sec.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
♪ ♪
- Where'd you learn this?
- Juilliard...
calisthenics class, man.
- I went there for a semester--
too competitive.
- All right, I'm good.
- No, no, no.
Keep doing what you're doing.
It's great.
♪ ♪
Excellent.
Hold that for me, extend.
Gorgeous, stay there.
Stay there.
Okay, give me--
- Come on in.
Let's go.
- Hey, Phil,
we're still shooting here.
- Not anymore.
- Phil, what's going on?
- We're about to shoot.
That's what we're doing.
- What's happening?
- I don't know.
- No, no, Phil,
we have the studio.
- You've been here for hours.
Show's over.
You guys have been here
long enough.
- I'm in the middle of a shoot.
- No, no, no, no.
- Don't! These are--
- Don't touch our books.
- Ladies, no, please.
If you could just cover up.
- Been waiting for--
- Hey!
Stop it!
Knock it off!
- I know that you don't respect
me, but you have to go--
- That is a library book.
- This is our book!
Absolutely--
- I said
knock it the fuck off!
"Minx," you went
way over your studio time.
You are one magazine out of 15.
- Yeah, you tell 'em.
- Shut up, dumbass. You can't
bum-rush a photo shoot
because you're unhappy.
- It's all our equipment.
- So we'll set up a system
that ensures equal access.
I'll talk to Doug.
- Doug is out of his mind.
- Well, if he is,
he's earned the right to be
more than anyone else here.
And I'll remind you
that he has taken a chance
on every single one of us
in this room.
So, if you don't like what's
happening at this company,
you are free to walk.
There's the door.
Now clean this shit up.
"Minx," you have
ten minutes to finish.
- Okay.
Please.
- Thanks, sugar.
- You know his dick
is more like Goliath's
than David's, right?
- Oh, yeah, it's enormous.
- We're aware.
- Okay, yeah.
- It's almost too big.
- Renetti...
Very few men come
into my home
and talk to me
like you talk to me,
You interrupt the postgame.
- First of all, I--
- Whoa! Whoa.
Now you're interrupting me.
And on top of that...
you accuse my guys...
my guys of stealing from me.
About that, uh--uh...
- Mm.
- The truth is
I-I don't know your guys.
- Well, I do.
They're my cousins.
They're my brother-in-laws.
They're my nephews.
And every one of them
is a freaking piece of shit.
You hit the nail right
on the head, Renetti--you did.
Sometimes it takes someone
from the outside to, uh...
to make one confront
an awful truth.
My whole family--
they're all skimming from me,
and I know it.
But I'm trapped in some web
of--of--of nepotism
and incompetence.
And, frankly,
I'm jealous of what you
and this colored broad got.
So tell me, Renetti,
what's your secret here?
- I guess if there's a secret,
the secret is, is, um...
hire the best people
for the job.
Black, white, gay, straight,
pretty face, lazy eye...
Good people
are good people, full stop.
- Yeah, well, obviously
I don't get résumés
here on my desk, you know?
- Hey, if I can put
a winning team together
in porn,
surely you can with
all your, you know, legitimate
and impressive businesses
that I have
so much respect for.
What is it?
You having
money problems, Vince?
So let me ask you--
who do you trust the most
with your finances?
- Thanks for getting
the dishes, hon.
- It's fine.
You know, honestly, right now
it just feels good to be busy.
- Trouble at home?
- Work.
- The handsome fella?
- I am in a partnership
with a man
who doesn't respect
or value me.
It's fine. You girls don't want
to hear about that.
- Uh, yeah, we do. We've heard
Sylvia's car story three times.
- That was twice.
- I just--I don't know
what we're doing here today.
You know, he brings me here.
Supposedly
we want the same thing--
to put out
our magazine together--
and then he just
brushes me aside,
and he has no idea
how hard it is to do what I do.
- I bet he's more than happy
taking the credit, too.
- Oh, you know Doug?
- I know men.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ha!
You know what?
I-I see you women,
and I see everything
that you have, and...
I made
a different choice,
but some days
I just--I wonder--
I just wonder
if that was the right one.
- I saw your magazine.
I thought it was cute.
That article on birth control,
unacceptable.
- You read it?
- I didn't need to.
I'm a good Catholic.
I know the Church's teachings.
- I respect and I completely
understand that faith, okay?
I'm a good
Episcopalian myself.
Well, I'm Episcopalian.
Could I at least tell you
about the article?
I think it'll make me
feel better.
- Okay, sweetie.
Have some cake.
♪ ♪
- All the magazines are back
on the trucks tomorrow,
except "Minx."
I tried, kid.
There was nothing I could do.
This guy respects his wife
like nobody's business.
- Well, actually--
- I thought I was a goner.
Lights out for old Renetti.
I thought
he was gonna kill me.
He locked eyes with me,
and, I mean,
my heart was exploding.
- I know, right,
but the thing is--
- But don't worry
about it, okay?
'Cause I'm gonna
get "Minx" back, kid.
I'm not quitting on "Minx."
I will find a way.
- I know you will.
- ♪ I'm a fool
to do your dirty work... ♪
- These are amazing.
Taking him off the pedestal
in a series of shots
just eliminates the--
the oppression
endemic to idealized beauty.
We've made it okay to look.
- That's exactly
what we were going for.
- Really great job, guys.
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ ♪
- Hey, how'd it go yesterday?
- Uneventful. You?
- About the same.
- I did make
some policy changes
on studio time
and equipment.
You want to approve?
- Approved.
Hey, I made a good choice
when I hired you.
And I'm thankful
for that every day since.
I'm, um--I'm sorry if
I don't tell you that enough.
- Phone call, Doug.
- I should take that.
- Mm-hmm.
You should.
- ♪ I don't wanna do
your dirty work ♪
- Thank you.
- ♪ No more ♪
- "Minx" is back on the trucks,
birth control article and all.
- You don't say.
- I guess I made
a bigger impression
on Vince than I thought.
Luckily, we didn't get too far
on that hatchet job
on your article.
- Well, in retrospect,
that was a very resourceful
idea that you had.
- Thank you.
That's, um, big of you to say.
- You're the boss.
♪ ♪
- ♪ There was
an in-love lady barber ♪
♪ Who wanted
what she could not have ♪
♪ She climbed up the mountains
too high ♪
♪ She fell over
and over again ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She wanted to capture
the sunshine ♪
♪ To touch each brand-new drop
of rain ♪
♪ To travel the length
of a rainbow ♪
♪ And never come back again ♪
♪ She wanted to lie
in straw meadows ♪
♪ ♪
♪ To feel capital love
everywhere ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Yet way, way down deep,
deep inside her ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She wondered
if she really cared ♪
♪ ♪
♪ There was
an in-love lady barber ♪
♪ Who wanted
what she could not have ♪
♪ She climbed up the mountains
too high ♪
♪ ♪
Oh...
I found a velvet sectional
for the living room.
I put some plants behind it,
you know, scheffleras.
There is a gorgeous
new plant store in Arleta.
Turns out I like Arleta.
Don't go there at night.
Oh, and Theresa
needs a grand piano.
I mean, who are we fooling
with this upright?
She's too good.
- We're gonna have to hold off
on this stuff
for a while, all right?
- Why?
♪ ♪
Where'd the money go, Vince?
Did it just disappear?
- It's been
a tough couple of months.
- Oh, yeah,
it's gonna be a tough year
if you keep letting
Johnny do your books.
- Hey, that's business.
That's not your problem.
- Oh, yes, it is.
You know who never loses money,
who tracks every cent
that comes
in this house like a hawk?
Not that you'd appreciate it.
- I appreciate you.
- And I need a new dishwasher.
It's hot in here.
- How big of a piano
are we talking about?
- You tell me.
you're better at fitting things
in tight spaces.
- Okay, the piano,
but the other stuff--
- No, no, no,
I totally understand,
completely understand.
- Good.
I got a surprise.
Guys got this off a truck.
- Oh, my God.
- Brand-spanking-new.
- Might put you in the mood.
Oh, oh, my.
You didn't tell me
you got a second job modeling.
What the hell is this?
♪ ♪
- No, no, no, no, Louie.
I got it.
No problem.
I-I'll fix this.
Okay, no, thank you.
- Uh, who do I go to
for petty cash?
We need some set pieces
that read
Italian Renaissance.
- Put that on ice, Prigger.
We got a bigger problem.
- We're in business
with the Mob,
with the literal Mob
who whack people
and bootleg whiskey?
- Well, it's not the 1920s,
but, yeah.
- You never thought to tell me
that the Mafia
delivers my magazine?
- Guys in trucks
deliver our magazines,
and they are employed
by shipping companies
who may or may not,
but absolutely do,
have ties to organized crime.
- Well, then let's get
a different distributor.
- Great, you know anybody
who wants
all their trucks set
on fire tomorrow?
- Okay, so they're--they're
Catholic enough
to be offended by an article
on birth control,
but yet they're somehow fine
with naughty nuns?
- These are
complicated people, Joyce.
They contain multitudes.
- Don't quote
my heroes back to me.
It's so irritating
when you do that.
Don't--
They probably just blew past
the nuances in my article.
What if I talk to 'em
and--and I explain the benefits
of family planning?
- Are you one of those people
who gets turned
on the moment before you die?
- How could anybody answer that
with any accuracy?
You're just giving in?
- No, I'm getting "Minx"
back on the shelves.
This is now
a shippable magazine.
One down and 499,000 to go.
You're welcome.
Grab a magazine.
- ♪ Getting you
took a long, long time ♪
♪ What's your name?
Are you feeling fine? ♪
♪ Pull up a chair,
share my wine ♪
- Hey, there they are.
- ♪ Close your eyes,
come inside ♪
- Don't worry about us.
We will be in and out quicker
than a senator in a whorehouse.
There you go.
Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar.
Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar.
Thank you.
- You do realize your
magazine's already broken out
by region--
like, all over the warehouse.
You gonna have to go around
pulling bundles.
It's gonna take all week.
- All right, Bambi,
you are our page opener,
Richie, staple remover,
Shelly, article extractor,
and, Tina, bringing it all home
as our re-stapler.
- Um, yeah, you know,
I think we should--
Yeah, um, I'm actually
a natural staple remover.
- Oh.
- It's a shoot day tomorrow.
These shouldn't be
near anything sharp.
- Gotcha.
- Ooh, I like that.
- I'm--I'm not trying
to die today.
- Big centerfold
shoot tomorrow.
We're doing "David."
- Oh, Niven?
- Uh, no, Michelangelo.
- Oh, that's my Joyce-y.
- This is what I'm talking
about right here--
the A-team setting
the standard.
I love to see it.
- How long is this gonna take?
I have so much to do
at the office.
- We'll leave when we're done.
How's that?
- I suggested day laborers.
- Yeah, but they don't care.
They're mercenaries, just
ripping apart our magazine
like a pack of wolves.
No, I hire good people
who give a shit.
I'll go talk to 'em.
- And I will get coffee.
- Mm, now, I don't have a thing
for feet,
but check out
those little piggies.
- I'd like to take them
to market.
- As you were, gentlemen.
It's nothing I don't see
every single day.
In fact, I actually consulted
on this photo shoot,
which is why
our naughty teacher
is holding the book
right side up.
I wonder if you could point me
in the direction of the coffee.
- It's in the cabinet,
but the pot's cracked.
- Excuse me,
after an 18-hour shift,
you might get a case
of the dropsies, too.
- 18 hours?
That is a long day.
- Tape is in the cabinet.
- Oh, merci.
- Right on.
- What happened to your hand?
- Forklift, one.
Carlos, zero.
- Noted.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, my God.
- What's wrong with you?
- Oh, yeah.
Ventilation in the warehouse
is dog shit.
Fumes from the trucks.
- Well, gentlemen, not to give
our current administration
too much credit,
but they did pass
federal workplace
safety regulations
two years ago.
Surely you've heard of OSHA?
- OSHA?
- Yeah, you don't have to labor
in these awful conditions.
You, like all workers,
have rights.
♪ ♪
- How many more days, Tina?
- Not my call, Phil.
When the job's done,
it'll be done.
- But fixing "Minx"
is not our job.
I have four profitable titles
of my own.
I spent all day yesterday
hauling magazine bales
like a goddamn farmer.
- Van leaves at 9:00.
- Oh, huh, oh--
- Oh, that doesn't look
like Eddie.
- It's not Eddie.
- Who is Eddie?
- The snake we book for shoots,
but that's not Eddie.
- All right, okay, look,
we have been socialized
by the patriarchy
to think of ourselves
as victims
who need to be rescued,
but we're liberated women.
We can clearly
just rescue ourselve--
- Oh!
- All right, okay, all right.
Okay, all right.
- Aw, hi, friend.
Are you lost?
It's okay.
We're gonna find you
a new home.
What about the parking lot?
In a little ditch back there,
I saw a bunch of mice.
Seems like a fun time.
Yes, cutie.
- Bleh! Okay, we have got
to put up a sign,
make sure people
do not leave the door open.
- You think that thing
slithered in on a its own?
That was a threat.
- Oh.
- Message received, Louie,
and snake received.
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not accusing you.
I'm--I'm simply relaying news
of a wayward snake.
The point is,
is I will handle this 100%.
You are as reasonable
as you are kind.
T-thank you.
Bye.
Prigger!
- Why do you always assume
that it's my fault?
- Oh, was it some other jackass
in a pussy bow
riling up
the warehouse guys,
educating them
about workers' rights?
- It's a wildly unsafe
environment.
Surely even the Mob
doesn't want their employees
dying on the job.
- They're the Mob.
They're famous
for being okay with that.
- And I'm the bad guy here.
- Listen to me, kid.
I went from having no "Minx"
to no magazines at all.
They won't deliver anything
of mine because of you.
15 years I'm in business
with these people,
no problem.
You're here six weeks,
and I don't know if I have
a business anymore.
- Well, if it's that fragile,
I might argue
that you don't
have a business at all, really.
- Don't you take
the high road on me.
So you're into workers now?
You're their champion?
Is that it?
- Sure.
- Stand up.
Look out the window.
I mean it.
Stand up, please.
Look out the window.
You see all these people?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, their asses are
on the line because of you.
- All right, okay,
surely there is
a simple solution here.
- Yeah, there is.
You're gonna get your wish.
You're gonna talk to the Mob.
♪ ♪
- Uh...
♪ ♪
I cannot believe
I'm missing this,
but I'm sure that everything
you need is right in here.
Oh, and Shelly knows
what I want, so...
- I'm not sure where exactly
he's supposed to be looking.
- Away from camera.
That's the "Minx" twist.
- Oh.
- "The David" is idealized
male beauty.
It's a sculpture
that invites objectification,
but just as we reject men
looking at women,
we also reject men looking
at women looking at men.
- But he's
already looking away.
- Yes, that's why we
having him looking away
but in the opposite direction.
It subverts expectation.
- Oh.
- Okay. Uh, Dane, hop up there.
♪ ♪
- Am I supposed to look away?
- You'll get used to it.
♪ ♪
- Yeah, that's the rough idea,
I guess, but I have to go.
So, um, I know
you'll make it sing.
- Joyce--
- Is he just
gonna leave that there?
Lord in Heaven.
- How long is this drive?
Those chocolate dicks are not
gonna hold up in the sun.
- Think they're gonna melt?
- Move over.
You have no flair
for presentation.
- All right.
Thank you.
Today's gonna go good.
I'm gonna go to this
little shindig for Little Vito,
get some face time
with the big man,
and, boom,
we'll be back in business.
- If I knew the fate of our
company came down to a T-shirt,
I would've sprung
for a 100% cotton.
- You sure you're
cool to hold down the fort?
- You cool with waltzing
into a Mob boss' house?
- Oh, come on,
these are L.A. gangsters.
The danger peters out
the further you get
from Sicily.
♪ ♪
What is going on?
Are you worried about me?
- I'm just not sure
bringing the problem
to solve the problem
solves the problem.
- All right, well,
unless you got any connections
to a rival crime family...
I think this is our only move.
Hey...
what do you think?
- Cement shoes are gonna
go great with those slacks.
- All right, go ahead.
Let me hear it. Practice.
- With pep.
I'm sorry I sowed seeds
of resentment
at your warehouse.
- Joyce...
you are there
to kiss the ring, okay?
- Oh, please.
He's not the Pope.
Not that that guy is any great
shakes either, by the way,
His policy on homo--
- No, Joyce.
You're there to apologize
and to congratulate Little Vito
on getting made, married,
or out of jail.
Under no circumstances
do you preach, rabble-rouse,
or speak truth to power--
no Joyce-ing.
- Oh-ho, I didn't realize
I was a verb now.
And maybe, you know,
just to play
devil's advocate,
aren't we here because
Joyce-ing is effective?
I-I activated
those workers, didn't I?
- I'm so sorry.
What is your argument here?
- That maybe
I'm the perfect person
to change
a few hearts and minds
about reproductive rights.
- Okay, you know what?
I think they made
their position on the pill
crystal clear, Prigger.
Why don't we
take them at their word
and stop pissing 'em off?
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm grea--yes.
All right, practice, go again.
- Oh, my God!
♪ ♪
- Vito, Vito,
don't go too far!
And no peeing
in the Larsons' yard!
Must be here for Vince.
Follow me.
Get the door.
- Little Vito?
- I thought it was ironic,
like Thin Joey
or Handsome Tom, okay?
- ♪ Somewhere ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Beyond the sea ♪
♪ She's there
watching for me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If I could fly ♪
♪ Like birds on high ♪
- The ball is out!
- ♪ Then straight
to her arms ♪
♪ I'd go sailing ♪
- Hey, Vince,
some work friends are here
at your son's birthday.
- Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar,
and this is--
- Come on, honey.
Girls are in the kitchen.
- Oh, no, I'm fine here.
- I'd say just go
in the kitchen.
- No, it's--this is
where all the action is.
- Believe me, you'll be bored
out of your mind, sweetheart.
Go.
- Plans change.
Go make friends.
I'll pull you in if I can.
- Come on, hon.
We need help in the kitchen.
♪ ♪
- Help me settle a bet,
will you?
I say every man with a beard
has a weak chin.
- You got me.
- Oh, shoes off, hon.
We just polished the floors.
- Oh.
- Girls, this is Joyce.
She came in
with a very handsome fella.
- Oh!
- No, no, God, no.
He's not my boyfriend.
- Who is not her boyfriend.
- Oh.
- Wow, seems like
there is a lot
of unacknowledged labor
going on in here.
Do the men ever lift
a finger to help--
- Yeah, stir the gravy.
I got to frost the cake.
- So we only had the one car,
the GTO,
and Freddy had to be
the one to drive it.
By the way,
Freddy hates left turns.
We'll make smaller
and smaller circles
till we just get somewhere.
- We don't want to ruin
your nice outfit.
What was this, $30?
Bullocks on Wilshire.
- Actually, yes.
- So I wait
till Freddy's out of town,
and I go and buy one of those
baby car seats, a pink one,
and I put it in the GTO.
Freddy comes home.
Now it's a woman's car.
He goes out
and gets himself a Caddy.
I got the GTO.
- That's very clever.
But, uh, it reinforces
gender norms--
- Will you hold Steffi a sec?
- Sure.
Oh, God, I don't think
she likes me, though.
- Don't forget the gravy.
- Quickly?
You know, there is
a new movement
called Wages for House--
- You like?
- That is incredible.
- Mm.
- The problem isn't the angle.
It's the concept.
- Then why don't we try
something else?
I mean, we're already
not doing the "David."
- Mm.
- Sure.
Look at this guy's giant hands
and cute little fella.
- You have a much bigger penis
than the "David."
- Much.
- Standards of masculinity
were different
in Renaissance Florence.
Large penises were associated
with foolishness,
ugliness, and lust.
- Oh.
Oh, okay.
Listen, Joyce told us
her vision,
and we need to execute that.
- But are we even in the
neighborhood of arousal here?
- If we give Joyce
something that sparkles,
I mean, she'll find meaning
we didn't even know was there.
- She is very good at that.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's the face thing.
I want to see his face.
- It's the one thing
she was clear about--the face.
Can't you just use
a different lens or something?
- Babe, that's not
how photography works.
Get him up there.
I'm gonna change the lens.
- And it does a sani cycle.
Washes glasses
without leaving spots.
- Louie doesn't know it yet,
but he's getting me
one of these.
- The design is very elegant,
but it just--you know what?
Appliances like this
just give women
the illusion of more time.
- I want one,
but Freddy is so cheap.
- That's consistent
with the Freddy
you've been describing.
- Oh, hon.
Steff Just spilled her juice.
Will you get that for me?
- Yes.
Did you spill your juice?
- Freddy, did you see
Francie's new dishwasher?
It soaks and scrubs.
- Looks expensive.
- Oh, I wasn't suggesting.
I know we can't afford it.
But maybe in a few years
when Francesca
or Brenda upgrade,
we can get their old one.
- Louie's getting you
one of these?
- It's been discussed.
- Pick one up this weekend.
- You're the boss.
Did you see that?
She just totally
manipulated him.
- Time for birthday cake.
She's good.
♪ ♪
- What a tough loss, right?
But I think
we all know how it feels
to have something
pulled out from under you--
- Postgame, postgame.
- Yeah.
Let's just
finish the postgame.
- Tough one
out there today, Billy.
- Those backers
were all over me
like a tick on a coonhound.
Only one thing left to do--
shake off the loss,
hit the town,
see what kind of tail
Buffalo has to offer.
- Oh, Jes--
You earned it, Billy.
They don't make 'em
like him anymore, right?
- No, they don't--
a guy who makes mistakes
but somehow comes back
even stronger for the win--
- It's the only position
in the league
where they still allow
white guys to even play.
- It's the most important one.
They need someone
who strategizes good.
- They don't let the mulignans
on the team for their brains.
- You know, when I was young,
we had the Yankees, right?
And then they had a
Negro league, and it was fine.
It just worked fine.
Jackie Robinson comes along,
before you know it,
I got to hire these people.
- Yeah, that's when the money
starts walking out the door.
- That's why there's fucking
cash missing all the time.
- Sticky fingers,
every single one of them.
- Well, you know what they say
about the Sicilians--
they're no-good gangsters,
and they're thugs,
every single one of them.
- What'd you just say?
- I thought you guys
were gonna laugh.
I was making a joke.
I'm an Italian myself.
Oh, really?
- You got to be a Nablidon
of course, right?
- I don't speak the language.
- Oh, you're not Italian.
- I didn't mean any disrespect.
I have nothing
but respect for you.
You know, a-at my company,
Bottom Dollar,
I got everybody under the sun
working for me.
My top lieutenant's Black--
a woman, Black woman.
- Oh.
- She's good, man.
She's good.
When I had money missing,
it was her
who figured out who took it.
- Who stole it, her brother?
Funny, no, no.
All I'm saying is,
if somebody's skimming
off the top,
the chances are it's not
a low-level guy you just hired.
It's somebody who knows
your business the best.
It's the inner circle--
the people you let
your guard down around,
the ones
you consider your friends.
And if you ask me,
that's just common se--
- 40% budget increase,
camera upgrades,
60-pound glossy stock--
what is this?
- List of demands.
You know Doug has lost it.
- We want a fair workplace.
We want what "Minx" gets.
- Shouldn't you be working?
- We can't.
"Minx" is two hours
over their studio time.
Big surprise.
♪ ♪
- Vittorio!
It's time!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Vittorio!
♪ ♪
- Finally.
So?
- So it's
a complex negotiation.
- You haven't even brought up
the magazine yet, have you?
- Nope.
- Why are you so sweaty?
Your beard is really sweaty.
- Oh, shit.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- It's dripping.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday-- ♪
- Vince needs
to speak with you one-on-one.
- I thought I--I was gonna have
some cake first.
- I strongly advise against it.
Come on.
♪ To you ♪
- ♪ And many more ♪
- Happy birthday.
♪ ♪
- Seven in a row.
- How are you doing that?
Are you actually David?
- No, I just grew up on a farm.
- Okay, we have
to get back to work.
I changed
the whole lighting setup.
Let's just pretend like we've
never done any of this before.
- I'm not your mother, Dane.
Thank God.
- Up here.
- Oh, cramp.
- You okay?
- Ooh, yeah, yeah.
Just give me a sec.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
♪ ♪
- Where'd you learn this?
- Juilliard...
calisthenics class, man.
- I went there for a semester--
too competitive.
- All right, I'm good.
- No, no, no.
Keep doing what you're doing.
It's great.
♪ ♪
Excellent.
Hold that for me, extend.
Gorgeous, stay there.
Stay there.
Okay, give me--
- Come on in.
Let's go.
- Hey, Phil,
we're still shooting here.
- Not anymore.
- Phil, what's going on?
- We're about to shoot.
That's what we're doing.
- What's happening?
- I don't know.
- No, no, Phil,
we have the studio.
- You've been here for hours.
Show's over.
You guys have been here
long enough.
- I'm in the middle of a shoot.
- No, no, no, no.
- Don't! These are--
- Don't touch our books.
- Ladies, no, please.
If you could just cover up.
- Been waiting for--
- Hey!
Stop it!
Knock it off!
- I know that you don't respect
me, but you have to go--
- That is a library book.
- This is our book!
Absolutely--
- I said
knock it the fuck off!
"Minx," you went
way over your studio time.
You are one magazine out of 15.
- Yeah, you tell 'em.
- Shut up, dumbass. You can't
bum-rush a photo shoot
because you're unhappy.
- It's all our equipment.
- So we'll set up a system
that ensures equal access.
I'll talk to Doug.
- Doug is out of his mind.
- Well, if he is,
he's earned the right to be
more than anyone else here.
And I'll remind you
that he has taken a chance
on every single one of us
in this room.
So, if you don't like what's
happening at this company,
you are free to walk.
There's the door.
Now clean this shit up.
"Minx," you have
ten minutes to finish.
- Okay.
Please.
- Thanks, sugar.
- You know his dick
is more like Goliath's
than David's, right?
- Oh, yeah, it's enormous.
- We're aware.
- Okay, yeah.
- It's almost too big.
- Renetti...
Very few men come
into my home
and talk to me
like you talk to me,
You interrupt the postgame.
- First of all, I--
- Whoa! Whoa.
Now you're interrupting me.
And on top of that...
you accuse my guys...
my guys of stealing from me.
About that, uh--uh...
- Mm.
- The truth is
I-I don't know your guys.
- Well, I do.
They're my cousins.
They're my brother-in-laws.
They're my nephews.
And every one of them
is a freaking piece of shit.
You hit the nail right
on the head, Renetti--you did.
Sometimes it takes someone
from the outside to, uh...
to make one confront
an awful truth.
My whole family--
they're all skimming from me,
and I know it.
But I'm trapped in some web
of--of--of nepotism
and incompetence.
And, frankly,
I'm jealous of what you
and this colored broad got.
So tell me, Renetti,
what's your secret here?
- I guess if there's a secret,
the secret is, is, um...
hire the best people
for the job.
Black, white, gay, straight,
pretty face, lazy eye...
Good people
are good people, full stop.
- Yeah, well, obviously
I don't get résumés
here on my desk, you know?
- Hey, if I can put
a winning team together
in porn,
surely you can with
all your, you know, legitimate
and impressive businesses
that I have
so much respect for.
What is it?
You having
money problems, Vince?
So let me ask you--
who do you trust the most
with your finances?
- Thanks for getting
the dishes, hon.
- It's fine.
You know, honestly, right now
it just feels good to be busy.
- Trouble at home?
- Work.
- The handsome fella?
- I am in a partnership
with a man
who doesn't respect
or value me.
It's fine. You girls don't want
to hear about that.
- Uh, yeah, we do. We've heard
Sylvia's car story three times.
- That was twice.
- I just--I don't know
what we're doing here today.
You know, he brings me here.
Supposedly
we want the same thing--
to put out
our magazine together--
and then he just
brushes me aside,
and he has no idea
how hard it is to do what I do.
- I bet he's more than happy
taking the credit, too.
- Oh, you know Doug?
- I know men.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ha!
You know what?
I-I see you women,
and I see everything
that you have, and...
I made
a different choice,
but some days
I just--I wonder--
I just wonder
if that was the right one.
- I saw your magazine.
I thought it was cute.
That article on birth control,
unacceptable.
- You read it?
- I didn't need to.
I'm a good Catholic.
I know the Church's teachings.
- I respect and I completely
understand that faith, okay?
I'm a good
Episcopalian myself.
Well, I'm Episcopalian.
Could I at least tell you
about the article?
I think it'll make me
feel better.
- Okay, sweetie.
Have some cake.
♪ ♪
- All the magazines are back
on the trucks tomorrow,
except "Minx."
I tried, kid.
There was nothing I could do.
This guy respects his wife
like nobody's business.
- Well, actually--
- I thought I was a goner.
Lights out for old Renetti.
I thought
he was gonna kill me.
He locked eyes with me,
and, I mean,
my heart was exploding.
- I know, right,
but the thing is--
- But don't worry
about it, okay?
'Cause I'm gonna
get "Minx" back, kid.
I'm not quitting on "Minx."
I will find a way.
- I know you will.
- ♪ I'm a fool
to do your dirty work... ♪
- These are amazing.
Taking him off the pedestal
in a series of shots
just eliminates the--
the oppression
endemic to idealized beauty.
We've made it okay to look.
- That's exactly
what we were going for.
- Really great job, guys.
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ ♪
- Hey, how'd it go yesterday?
- Uneventful. You?
- About the same.
- I did make
some policy changes
on studio time
and equipment.
You want to approve?
- Approved.
Hey, I made a good choice
when I hired you.
And I'm thankful
for that every day since.
I'm, um--I'm sorry if
I don't tell you that enough.
- Phone call, Doug.
- I should take that.
- Mm-hmm.
You should.
- ♪ I don't wanna do
your dirty work ♪
- Thank you.
- ♪ No more ♪
- "Minx" is back on the trucks,
birth control article and all.
- You don't say.
- I guess I made
a bigger impression
on Vince than I thought.
Luckily, we didn't get too far
on that hatchet job
on your article.
- Well, in retrospect,
that was a very resourceful
idea that you had.
- Thank you.
That's, um, big of you to say.
- You're the boss.
♪ ♪
- ♪ There was
an in-love lady barber ♪
♪ Who wanted
what she could not have ♪
♪ She climbed up the mountains
too high ♪
♪ She fell over
and over again ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She wanted to capture
the sunshine ♪
♪ To touch each brand-new drop
of rain ♪
♪ To travel the length
of a rainbow ♪
♪ And never come back again ♪
♪ She wanted to lie
in straw meadows ♪
♪ ♪
♪ To feel capital love
everywhere ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Yet way, way down deep,
deep inside her ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She wondered
if she really cared ♪
♪ ♪
♪ There was
an in-love lady barber ♪
♪ Who wanted
what she could not have ♪
♪ She climbed up the mountains
too high ♪