Minx (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - An exciting new chapter in the annals of erotica - full transcript
- Um...
could you repeat the question?
I only understood
the word "the."
- Sure.
"In Nixon's America,
"would you say gender equity
is about more
than just equal pay?"
And the word "the" is not
in that question.
- All right, let's just skip
to the next one.
- Um, okay, my turn.
"As the Soviet Union
and the collectivist East
turn towards radical egalita"--
- Tarianism.
Radical egalitarianism.
- "Radical egalitarianism,
what role do Western
democracies have in"--
You know what? I don't think
you're gonna get this question.
- I don't see a world
where we don't.
Abolishing gender distinctions
is squarely in the zeitgeist.
- We'll be lucky if any
journalists show up to this,
let alone the smart ones.
Bambi's right.
Stick to the basics.
- Hey, this question
is mostly in Latin.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, I know Pig Latin.
- Hey, what are your turn-ons?
- Oh, and a follow-up,
turn-offs.
- What's your sign, honey?
- Ooh, I was gonna ask that.
- First question--
I like it
when girls dress sexy.
- Oh, my God.
- I don't like it
when they don't.
- Wrong.
- How could it be wrong?
It's an opinion.
And I'm with you, buddy.
- You guys talk too fast.
Is this what the conference
is gonna be like?
- Yes, definitely.
- Not a chance.
- Yes, it will.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Oh! ♪
- That man,
that beautiful jar of nothing
cannot represent
the premiere issue
of our magazine.
- He's on the cover.
He's representing
the fuck out of it.
No one would be interested
if it's just you up there,
charming as you may be.
- This is our only chance
to make a first impression.
We are introducing
something completely new.
We have to get this right.
- You may be the brains,
but he's the face,
and there's a reason they call
the face "the moneymaker."
It's what makes the money.
- Yes, I get it.
♪ ♪
He doesn't understand
rudimentary hand signals.
Gorillas catch on faster.
- You got a couple of days.
Train him up as best you can
and, I don't know,
maybe lose the 'tude.
- "Lose the 'tude."
- Got a call from City Hall
this morning.
Enjoy your little badge gag
on the councilwoman?
Troop 69?
- Yeah, Art Department
knocked it out of the park.
- Well, now we're being audited
by the county tax assessor.
Couldn't leave it alone,
could you?
- You know, Westbury should
really give me a badge.
Teaching our bright young minds
that there's more than one way
to eat a cookie.
- Doug.
- Hey, did you hear
Scotty gave notice
down the block?
I bet we could swoop in,
make an offer,
and nab that building
before they even hire a broker.
- We don't have the cash.
- We will.
- We are bleeding money.
- You gotta spend money
to make money.
- You gotta have money
to spend money.
- Says who?
Don't worry about the audit.
Our books are good.
Gerry will handle it.
Hey, lose the sweater.
Throw this over your shoulder.
- "An exciting new chapter
in the annals of erotica."
- Annal is Tompkins'
favorite kind of erotica.
- "Who says feminism
can't be sexy?"
This is gold.
We gotta send someone
to cover this press conference.
- Is "female gaze"
just another way
of saying carpet munchers?
- See?
This stuff writes itself.
Anyone up
for a fish-in-a-barrel gig?
600 words.
- I'll take this one.
- Glenn.
all: Glenn, Glenn,
Glenn, Glenn,
Glenn, Glenn, Glenn,
Glenn, Glenn, Glenn.
- Okay. Let's review.
Feminism is?
- Good.
- And?
- Started with witches.
- No. that one's on me.
I should not have opened
with the Salem witch trials.
Okay, let's get back on course
in the struggle for...
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton.
- Was one of the names
that I mentioned
in the introduction.
- My mom almost named me Cody.
- Oh.
- But she didn't
'cause our last name.
She said that people
wouldn't take me seriously
if my name was Cody Brody.
- Well, she sounds
like a smart woman.
Would you call her a feminist?
- Not to her face.
- Come on.
It's not a bad word.
Feminism is about equality.
It's about giving people power
and a voice,
even if they are
some pretty little thing
that hasn't been taught
to use theirs yet.
- Okay.
Sorry. Jeez.
Now I understand why
women have so much suffrage.
- All right, um...
how about we have a drink?
- Sure.
- Okay.
- Got any beer?
- No, I do not.
I have a lovely Pouilly-Fuissé.
Trust me.
- Hmm.
Shouldn't you be bowling?
- I should.
I'm taking a look at Gerry's...
I'm not sure what to call this.
Work?
- Now, go easy on Gerry.
He's a real accountant.
I poached him from Capitol.
He's the one that figured out
how to write off
Phil Spector's guns.
- This is a mess, and I don't
even have an accounting degree.
- Well, I don't even have
a high-school diploma,
yet here we are.
To, uh, punching
above our weight.
Cheers.
- You do run
a successful business.
- Thank you.
- Sloppily.
Half your employees
have criminal records.
The other half
are lucky they don't.
You're spending money
you don't have
on things you don't need.
- Subjective.
Come on. Hold on now.
Look at what--
look at what Frank sent over.
- The Tower That Titty Built.
- Don't forget our new friend,
good old cock and balls.
You're telling me
you wouldn't want to show up
to work here every day?
Come on, Tins, our plan.
This plan.
Big circulation,
big advertisers, big money.
The same plan
that we came up with
in the back of that '64 Impala,
talking out of our asses,
is as alive now
as it has ever been.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You're on top of it?
- Like a duck on a June bug.
- Then you must know 50 grand
is missing from these books.
- No, I didn't.
- Hmm.
You didn't know that.
- Well, now I do.
- So the patri-archie
forces men
into roles
they don't want to play either.
By George, I think he's got it.
- It's Shane.
Yeah.
- But you're a good teacher.
- Thank you.
- Most of the girls--
women I meet aren't interested
in what I have to talk about.
- Well, I can tell that
you're a very sensitive man.
- I mean, I know firemen
are supposed to be tough,
and, like, I'm not afraid
of fire or anything.
- Probably should be.
- But sometimes
the other guys,
they can just be so...mean.
- Aww.
- Like, one time,
I rescued this cat
from a burning building.
I rushed outside,
but it wasn't breathing.
So I gave it mouth-to-mouth,
which totally works on animals.
- I would never have thought
to do that.
- But that night
in the showers,
the other guys, they just kept
meowing and meowing.
- Oh.
- I ran and hid
in engine number nine.
- Those men, they're not tough.
They're just scared,
scared of being vulnerable.
Now, I can tell you that
if women were firefighters,
then no one would ridicule you
for saving
a helpless little kitty cat.
- Too bad
women can't be firemen.
- Says who?
- Well, it's right there
in the name.
Fireman.
- Okay.
- Oh, but also, you have to be
able to carry 190 pounds.
- Oh, really?
Is that a lot?
- You're looking at a buck-90.
- Huh? Yeah.
Well, okay.
May I?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God. No.
Hold on.
I'm sure if I just, you know--
I had the proper training
and everything,
then, you know...
Hmm.
- Am I allowed to say
you're pretty?
- Well, I wouldn't accuse you
of objectifying me if you did.
Hmm.
Let me just--
- ♪ Uh, aww ♪
♪ Sookie, sookie now ♪
- Oh, my God.
- ♪ Hey, ow, uh ♪
- Now, in a real fire,
I'd be carrying you
out of the building
and not into the bedroom.
- Lucky for us, the only thing
on fire is our libidos.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
It's just a fancy way
of saying that you're--
that I--I am--I am
very excited about this.
- ♪ A sweet taste
in my mouth ♪
- Um, and this is not something
I ever normally...
Wow. Do.
Oh, my God.
- ♪ Happily, nah-nah ♪
♪ In a great big
ol' roomy house ♪
♪ And I know you're gonna ♪
♪ Groove me, baby ♪
- But, you know, I guess...
why not?
- ♪ Make me feel
good inside ♪
♪ Come on,
and groove me, baby ♪
♪ I need you to groove me ♪
♪ Oh, yeah,
now, now, darling ♪
♪ Uh, come on, come on ♪
♪ Hey! Uh! ♪
♪ Hey, there, sugar darlin' ♪
♪ Come on, give me something ♪
♪ Girl... ♪
- I just want
to make you feel good.
- You do?
- ♪ Yes, I'm good,
good loving ♪
♪ With plenty,
plenty hugging ♪
- Okay.
- ♪ You make me feel
good inside ♪
♪ Come on,
and groove me, baby ♪
♪ Move me, baby ♪
♪ Oh, sock it to me, mama ♪
♪ Uh! ♪
- Hello?
- Hey, honey.
- Hello.
- Just calling to remind you
about the editor's photo
today.
You have the clothes
picked out?
- I surely do.
- Ooh, someone's chirpy
this a.m.
- Someone had a very fun night.
- Oh, my--did someone have--
- Yes! Yes.
And not even in the confines
of a committed partnership.
I had a one-night stand.
- No!
- Yes.
- Well, check that
off your list.
- How do you know
about my list?
- Girls like you
always have a list.
- Oh.
Well, it was transcendent.
I don't know what came over me.
And then--and then,
like he read my mind,
he was just gone.
- Guess who brought croy-sants.
It's French for pastry.
I have to go.
- The bell tolls for thee.
- You told everyone?
- Does this look like
a place of discretion?
- Oh, come on.
Don't cheapen it.
'Cause I already did!
- So who's the lucky guy?
- A lady never--
- Uh-uh, spill.
- Yeah, we want details.
- Wait, it was Shane.
- No.
- Yes.
You had training last night.
- It just happened.
You know, a few verres de vin.
- I so called it.
- Mm, look at you.
Using your powerful position
in publishing
to score some tail.
- Ooh, baby.
Someone's playing with fire.
- You all told me to do it!
- Before we hired him, Joyce.
So unprofessional.
- Don't listen to him.
You deserve it.
- Mm, three of my five
current stalkers
were former employers.
- No, it's not like that.
- You were the one worried
about the press conference,
and now you've gone
and given this boy
something else to think about.
- That narrative may fit
your tawdry affairs,
but I can assure you
that my eye
is squarely on the ball.
- Which one?
This one or this one?
- I'm gonna have to go back
and do some forensics here.
I mean, the receipts I get
are on scraps of paper,
matchbooks,
toilet tissue sometimes.
It's a frigging miracle
I get us in the ballpark.
- You can take my word,
those numbers don't add up.
- And it's a very big ballpark.
- Is that my handwriting?
You know what?
These are my wife's glasses.
- That'll be all, Gerry.
I mean, he's not a crook.
- Just a terrible accountant.
- Agreed.
Why don't we round up
the troops?
Somebody's gotta
know something.
- You might as well come clean
because we already know.
- About the copy machine
we fenced?
- Sure, I pawned the cameras,
but I bought better ones,
and I also made rent,
so win-win.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Girl, there's a big,
big world out there ♪
- Between the fall of 1970
and the spring of 1971,
yeah, technically,
I did live here.
But that's just 'cause
I was hiding
from the Lambs of God.
- Oh, those are mine.
New Pinto.
Bought with money
from a dead aunt
who died of natural causes.
- Did she kill her aunt?
- Yes.
This is what happens
when you hire people
2:00 a.m. drunk on a Wednesday
because they beat you at darts.
- Kenny was the best
copy editor we've ever had.
I'll defend that hire
till the day I die.
- Real businesses
don't operate this way.
- All right.
So what do you want me to do?
Fire everyone?
Just clean house?
- No, but we gotta
start somewhere.
- Fine.
We'll fire Gerry.
- I'm glad we're doing this.
- Thank you.
Me too.
Um, tomorrow is the big day,
and I just wanted to make sure
that we're both understanding
what this is.
- Looks like fried squid to me.
- Yes. Yeah.
That is the food
that we ordered.
But on a deeper level...
there are power dynamics
in our relationship.
- I love when you say
smart things.
- And, uh, those dynamics make
issues of consent complicated.
- Wait, am I in trouble?
- No, no, no, not at all.
It's just, um...
last night was fun.
- Very fun.
- But it was just fun.
- Yes. I understand
what you're saying.
It was just fun.
- Right. Yes.
Oh, God, good.
Okay.
'Cause we're working together.
No one says
you can't have some fun
while you're working together,
but we both know what this is.
- I am so glad
you said something,
because it was on my mind too.
- Oh.
- I don't even use these
to go to the bathroom.
- Where do you go?
- What?
No, I use bathrooms.
I just don't go in public.
Oh, my God, just keep--
♪ ♪
- I should have debuted
the classier logo.
- Hello, Norman.
- 20 Bottom Dollar titles
in a decade,
and this is the one
that gets a fancy lunch.
Look at you.
William Randolph Hearst reborn.
- You know this one's
full of dongs
and lady opinions, right?
- "The Valley Porn Courier"
covers all things
Bottom Dollar,
not just what I find appealing.
That's a promise I made
to my readers.
- Norman.
- Your number-one fan.
- Hey.
Let me show you
to your VIP seat.
- Of course.
- We knew he would show up.
What about everyone else?
- Yeah, it's a--it's a turnout.
- Voilà.
- I like it.
- You do?
- I do.
- We are packed
to the gills out there.
Ah, you screwed him again.
- Boorish and inappropriate.
And accurate.
It's fine. It's fine.
It's under control.
- Good.
- You okay?
- Yeah. I'm fine.
It's just, um,
there's actually people here.
- Yeah, because our magazine
is a jolt of something new.
It's a whisper and a scream.
- I guess it is.
Just, uh, don't blow it, okay?
- Okay.
- Just ignore him.
I support your sexploits.
You should've been doing this
a lot sooner.
- I know.
- Mm-hmm.
- God.
What was he so hung up about?
Just think,
all of that free love
out there for the taking,
and somehow,
I thought I would have
to pay for it.
- Sorry I'm late.
Pop's van broke down.
- Oh, we're doing that.
- You brought your dad?
- Both my parents.
They're super proud of me.
I'm the first person
in my family
to attend a press conference.
- Hey, it's time.
- Don't be nervous.
We did the work.
You're gonna do great.
- I'm not nervous.
For the first time, maybe ever,
I know exactly what I want.
- Well, great.
Use that.
- It's you.
- What?
- You're, like,
the sexiest teacher ever,
except not married,
and, also, I'm of age now.
- No. Okay. No, hold on.
We were just having fun.
- Yeah, that's how it started--
with a spark.
But what's love
without a spark?
Uh, "Minx" is a--
Oh, "Minx" will establish
the female gaze, uh...
We are
at the exciting intersection
of feminism and erotica.
Any questions?
Okay, uh...
I would like to introduce
Shane Brody.
Shane was selected
out of countless applicants
because he was the minxiest.
He is a modern man.
He's a supporter
of our mission,
and he's also--
- A certified piece
of Grade-A man-meat.
- Ank-you-thay.
- Yeah, for Shane, tell us
what you really had to do
to get the job.
- I guess impress the boss.
- Has your mother
seen your debut?
- Ask her yourself.
She's right there.
Love you, Mom.
- I love you too.
- That's my boy.
- Okay.
Let's just pivot back to the--
- What are your turn-ons?
- Turn-offs?
- What's your sign, honey?
- Tell us
about your ideal woman.
- Yeah, are you single?
Is there a Mrs. Man-Meat?
- Yeah, I do have a new lady.
- Oh, no.
- She's smart, classy, strong.
She could probably lift
anyone in here.
- It's happening.
- She's patient, proper,
a teacher,
and she doesn't
have to dress sexy
'cause she already is.
- Oh, my God.
Shane's in love with Joyce.
- Oh, and she knows
how to have just fun,
which is, like,
a more pure kind of fun
'cause you're falling in love.
Oh, and when we did it
in the bathroom
at the Tony Pony, I realized--
- That no one has asked us
a single question
about this
very carefully researched
and thoughtful magazine.
So does anyone have a question?
- Yeah.
Glenn Hollingsworth,
"Lad" magazine.
- Glenn, you have a question.
- I do.
What do you say to all
the female readers out there
who might be curious
about "Minx"
but are also intimidated
by its content?
- Thank you, Glenn.
That's a great question.
Uh, well--
Thank you so much.
- Thanks, Joyce.
- Yeah.
I owe you something big.
- These can be brutal.
- Yeah.
- A little softball never hurt.
The magazine looks great.
It really does.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
It means a lot.
- Maybe we can do
lunch sometime.
- Sure. Why not?
But not at the club.
- Yeah, no,
you're banned for life.
They put your picture up front.
- They did?
Like--who's that guy?
That guy that streaked
the tennis tournament?
- Stu.
- Stu. Stu, yeah.
- Hey.
- Oh, God.
- You trying to steal my girl?
Woman.
Liberated woman
who cannot be stolen
and is not property.
- That's right.
- Well, um, I'll call you.
Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- We're going
to Marie Callender's.
- We?
- Hi.
- They want to meet you.
Get to know you like I do,
but not have sex.
- Okay.
No, stop.
All right, I think we need to--
There's been
a misunderstanding here, okay?
'Cause this isn't real.
We're not a couple.
It's not appropriate for me
to meet your very
enthusiastic parents, okay?
It was just sex.
It was just casual sex.
That's what "just fun" means.
- So you used me.
We were using each other,
in a good way, for pleasure.
- Don't tell me
what I was doing.
You say everyone deserves
their own voice, right?
Or am I just some
pretty little thing to you?
- Okay. All right. Okay.
I see what you're doing.
But that--no, that's not this,
because you're just someone
who technically works for me
who I then had sex with.
- I trusted you.
- Shane.
- I gave you my penis,
and I want it back.
- Hmm?
- I don't want to be
in your magazine anymore.
Madam editor.
It was a little shaky at first,
and then boom.
- Save it.
Shane's pulled out.
I broke
his simple little heart.
- Well, I'm sorry,
but he signed the contract,
which means we own the photos,
so we're publishing them,
and there's nothing
that he can do about it.
Though, what did I say?
- Oh, God, you love
a Pyrrhic victory.
- I don't know what that means,
so it doesn't hurt my feelings.
- Doug, we cannot publish
naked photos of Shane
without his permission.
I mean, yeah, fine,
we're legally allowed to,
but what kind of message
does that send?
- It would send the message
that we're good at business.
Look, this is hardly
the first time
a model has gotten cold feet.
- Yeah, but we have
to be better than that.
We have to.
In fact, I insist
on holding us
to a higher standard.
- Listen to you.
"A higher standard."
Because you couldn't keep
your vag in your pants.
- Do you always have to be
so crass?
- All right, Joyce, I'm gonna
give it to you straight.
The magazine is printed.
And I spent more on this rag
than anything
that I have ever done.
I upped our print run
to 500,000
at the last minute
against the advice of everyone.
If I were to pull this issue,
we'd be done.
And I would be in a hole
so goddamn deep
that it would take me years
to climb out of.
So...
get okay with this or fix it.
♪ ♪
- Résumés
for Gerry's replacement.
- I thought we only
fired people on Fridays.
- You've never fired anyone.
- All right.
♪ ♪
This is insane.
Can I talk to you?
I took the money.
But you already knew that.
- A bunch of transfers
between off-cycle titles
at the same time as a surprise
invoice from the printer?
That shit may fool Gerry--
- I knew you wouldn't approve.
- Your pet project
is bleeding us dry,
and now you're stealing from
yourself to hide it from me?
- Okay, maybe I just didn't
want you looking at me
the way you are
looking at me right now.
I changed the plan, Tina.
I am sorry.
- That's a start.
- We both know what you mean
to this place.
You are the other half
of Bottom Dollar.
I just--I need you
to trust me on this one.
Push down those business smarts
that I fucking love about you
and trust me.
- You know how hard it is
to see a burning building
and not yell fire?
- Well, maybe it's not on fire.
Maybe it's just hot
and uncomfortable.
- Is this where you come
to think?
- No, this is my job.
What are you doing here?
- I wanted to talk to you.
- Better make it fast,
'cause if there's a fire,
I'm gonna have to go.
- I think "Minx" is
a tremendous opportunity
for you.
And I know
that we haven't talked much
about your hopes and dreams,
but modeling can open
a lot of doors.
More modeling.
Acting.
You could be a star.
- I don't want to be a star.
I wanted 400 bucks and to show
my dick to the world.
- All right, well, I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this,
but you signed a contract,
and Bottom Dollar owns
your photos,
so there's nothing either one
of us can do about it.
- Wow.
So after all that
feminist stuff,
it just comes down
to a piece of paper?
- Yes, Shane.
This is business.
And I am here on business
and business only.
Um...
God, you're the fourth guy
that I have ever slept with
and the only one
who wasn't my boyfriend
and by far the best,
but that has more to do
with my relationship
to my own body, I think,
but still, it was, um, uh...
You were more into me
than I was into you,
and I knew that.
I should have been
more careful.
I just wanted
to feel good again,
so I pushed away all reason,
and that was really selfish.
It's so irresponsible.
- You could have said hi
to my parents.
- Yes, I should have.
If you don't want to be
in "Minx,"
then I will figure out
a way of killing the issue,
no matter the consequences.
You deserve to have a voice.
- ♪ I don't care
what they say ♪
- Nice work.
And you got some
in the process.
Let me know if you need help.
- Thank you, Tina.
- ♪ Can't you see
I live for your touch? ♪
♪ Because I believe in you ♪
♪ What else can I say? ♪
♪ I believe in you, girl ♪
♪ If I'm trying to be,
go on your way ♪
- 22 inches.
- Brown trout?
- Rainbow.
- Shut up.
- Well, if it isn't Mr. August.
- More like Mrs. August.
- His dick's so fancy,
it probably can't even get
wet anymore.
- You guys can all laugh,
but I'm the one
that feels bad for you.
You're victims,
victims of something
called the patri-archie.
Someday, you'll understand.
- ♪ You and I ♪
♪ Travel to the beat
of a different drum ♪
♪ Ah, can't you tell
by the way I run ♪
♪ Every time
you make eyes at me ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ You cry and moan ♪
♪ And say it will work out ♪
♪ But, honey child,
I've got my doubts ♪
♪ You can't see the forest
for the trees ♪
♪ So don't get me wrong ♪
♪ It's not that I knock it ♪
♪ It's just that I ♪
♪ I'm not in the market ♪
♪ For a boy who wants
to love ♪
♪ Only me ♪
♪ Yes, and I ain't saying ♪
♪ You ain't pretty ♪
♪ All I'm saying's
I'm not ready ♪
♪ For any person,
place, or thing ♪
♪ To try and pull the reins ♪
♪ In on me ♪
♪ So goodbye ♪
♪ I'll be leaving ♪
♪ I see no sense ♪
♪ In this crying
and grieving ♪
♪ We'll both live
a lot longer ♪
♪ If you live without me ♪
♪ ♪
could you repeat the question?
I only understood
the word "the."
- Sure.
"In Nixon's America,
"would you say gender equity
is about more
than just equal pay?"
And the word "the" is not
in that question.
- All right, let's just skip
to the next one.
- Um, okay, my turn.
"As the Soviet Union
and the collectivist East
turn towards radical egalita"--
- Tarianism.
Radical egalitarianism.
- "Radical egalitarianism,
what role do Western
democracies have in"--
You know what? I don't think
you're gonna get this question.
- I don't see a world
where we don't.
Abolishing gender distinctions
is squarely in the zeitgeist.
- We'll be lucky if any
journalists show up to this,
let alone the smart ones.
Bambi's right.
Stick to the basics.
- Hey, this question
is mostly in Latin.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, I know Pig Latin.
- Hey, what are your turn-ons?
- Oh, and a follow-up,
turn-offs.
- What's your sign, honey?
- Ooh, I was gonna ask that.
- First question--
I like it
when girls dress sexy.
- Oh, my God.
- I don't like it
when they don't.
- Wrong.
- How could it be wrong?
It's an opinion.
And I'm with you, buddy.
- You guys talk too fast.
Is this what the conference
is gonna be like?
- Yes, definitely.
- Not a chance.
- Yes, it will.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Oh! ♪
- That man,
that beautiful jar of nothing
cannot represent
the premiere issue
of our magazine.
- He's on the cover.
He's representing
the fuck out of it.
No one would be interested
if it's just you up there,
charming as you may be.
- This is our only chance
to make a first impression.
We are introducing
something completely new.
We have to get this right.
- You may be the brains,
but he's the face,
and there's a reason they call
the face "the moneymaker."
It's what makes the money.
- Yes, I get it.
♪ ♪
He doesn't understand
rudimentary hand signals.
Gorillas catch on faster.
- You got a couple of days.
Train him up as best you can
and, I don't know,
maybe lose the 'tude.
- "Lose the 'tude."
- Got a call from City Hall
this morning.
Enjoy your little badge gag
on the councilwoman?
Troop 69?
- Yeah, Art Department
knocked it out of the park.
- Well, now we're being audited
by the county tax assessor.
Couldn't leave it alone,
could you?
- You know, Westbury should
really give me a badge.
Teaching our bright young minds
that there's more than one way
to eat a cookie.
- Doug.
- Hey, did you hear
Scotty gave notice
down the block?
I bet we could swoop in,
make an offer,
and nab that building
before they even hire a broker.
- We don't have the cash.
- We will.
- We are bleeding money.
- You gotta spend money
to make money.
- You gotta have money
to spend money.
- Says who?
Don't worry about the audit.
Our books are good.
Gerry will handle it.
Hey, lose the sweater.
Throw this over your shoulder.
- "An exciting new chapter
in the annals of erotica."
- Annal is Tompkins'
favorite kind of erotica.
- "Who says feminism
can't be sexy?"
This is gold.
We gotta send someone
to cover this press conference.
- Is "female gaze"
just another way
of saying carpet munchers?
- See?
This stuff writes itself.
Anyone up
for a fish-in-a-barrel gig?
600 words.
- I'll take this one.
- Glenn.
all: Glenn, Glenn,
Glenn, Glenn,
Glenn, Glenn, Glenn,
Glenn, Glenn, Glenn.
- Okay. Let's review.
Feminism is?
- Good.
- And?
- Started with witches.
- No. that one's on me.
I should not have opened
with the Salem witch trials.
Okay, let's get back on course
in the struggle for...
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton.
- Was one of the names
that I mentioned
in the introduction.
- My mom almost named me Cody.
- Oh.
- But she didn't
'cause our last name.
She said that people
wouldn't take me seriously
if my name was Cody Brody.
- Well, she sounds
like a smart woman.
Would you call her a feminist?
- Not to her face.
- Come on.
It's not a bad word.
Feminism is about equality.
It's about giving people power
and a voice,
even if they are
some pretty little thing
that hasn't been taught
to use theirs yet.
- Okay.
Sorry. Jeez.
Now I understand why
women have so much suffrage.
- All right, um...
how about we have a drink?
- Sure.
- Okay.
- Got any beer?
- No, I do not.
I have a lovely Pouilly-Fuissé.
Trust me.
- Hmm.
Shouldn't you be bowling?
- I should.
I'm taking a look at Gerry's...
I'm not sure what to call this.
Work?
- Now, go easy on Gerry.
He's a real accountant.
I poached him from Capitol.
He's the one that figured out
how to write off
Phil Spector's guns.
- This is a mess, and I don't
even have an accounting degree.
- Well, I don't even have
a high-school diploma,
yet here we are.
To, uh, punching
above our weight.
Cheers.
- You do run
a successful business.
- Thank you.
- Sloppily.
Half your employees
have criminal records.
The other half
are lucky they don't.
You're spending money
you don't have
on things you don't need.
- Subjective.
Come on. Hold on now.
Look at what--
look at what Frank sent over.
- The Tower That Titty Built.
- Don't forget our new friend,
good old cock and balls.
You're telling me
you wouldn't want to show up
to work here every day?
Come on, Tins, our plan.
This plan.
Big circulation,
big advertisers, big money.
The same plan
that we came up with
in the back of that '64 Impala,
talking out of our asses,
is as alive now
as it has ever been.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- You're on top of it?
- Like a duck on a June bug.
- Then you must know 50 grand
is missing from these books.
- No, I didn't.
- Hmm.
You didn't know that.
- Well, now I do.
- So the patri-archie
forces men
into roles
they don't want to play either.
By George, I think he's got it.
- It's Shane.
Yeah.
- But you're a good teacher.
- Thank you.
- Most of the girls--
women I meet aren't interested
in what I have to talk about.
- Well, I can tell that
you're a very sensitive man.
- I mean, I know firemen
are supposed to be tough,
and, like, I'm not afraid
of fire or anything.
- Probably should be.
- But sometimes
the other guys,
they can just be so...mean.
- Aww.
- Like, one time,
I rescued this cat
from a burning building.
I rushed outside,
but it wasn't breathing.
So I gave it mouth-to-mouth,
which totally works on animals.
- I would never have thought
to do that.
- But that night
in the showers,
the other guys, they just kept
meowing and meowing.
- Oh.
- I ran and hid
in engine number nine.
- Those men, they're not tough.
They're just scared,
scared of being vulnerable.
Now, I can tell you that
if women were firefighters,
then no one would ridicule you
for saving
a helpless little kitty cat.
- Too bad
women can't be firemen.
- Says who?
- Well, it's right there
in the name.
Fireman.
- Okay.
- Oh, but also, you have to be
able to carry 190 pounds.
- Oh, really?
Is that a lot?
- You're looking at a buck-90.
- Huh? Yeah.
Well, okay.
May I?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God. No.
Hold on.
I'm sure if I just, you know--
I had the proper training
and everything,
then, you know...
Hmm.
- Am I allowed to say
you're pretty?
- Well, I wouldn't accuse you
of objectifying me if you did.
Hmm.
Let me just--
- ♪ Uh, aww ♪
♪ Sookie, sookie now ♪
- Oh, my God.
- ♪ Hey, ow, uh ♪
- Now, in a real fire,
I'd be carrying you
out of the building
and not into the bedroom.
- Lucky for us, the only thing
on fire is our libidos.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
It's just a fancy way
of saying that you're--
that I--I am--I am
very excited about this.
- ♪ A sweet taste
in my mouth ♪
- Um, and this is not something
I ever normally...
Wow. Do.
Oh, my God.
- ♪ Happily, nah-nah ♪
♪ In a great big
ol' roomy house ♪
♪ And I know you're gonna ♪
♪ Groove me, baby ♪
- But, you know, I guess...
why not?
- ♪ Make me feel
good inside ♪
♪ Come on,
and groove me, baby ♪
♪ I need you to groove me ♪
♪ Oh, yeah,
now, now, darling ♪
♪ Uh, come on, come on ♪
♪ Hey! Uh! ♪
♪ Hey, there, sugar darlin' ♪
♪ Come on, give me something ♪
♪ Girl... ♪
- I just want
to make you feel good.
- You do?
- ♪ Yes, I'm good,
good loving ♪
♪ With plenty,
plenty hugging ♪
- Okay.
- ♪ You make me feel
good inside ♪
♪ Come on,
and groove me, baby ♪
♪ Move me, baby ♪
♪ Oh, sock it to me, mama ♪
♪ Uh! ♪
- Hello?
- Hey, honey.
- Hello.
- Just calling to remind you
about the editor's photo
today.
You have the clothes
picked out?
- I surely do.
- Ooh, someone's chirpy
this a.m.
- Someone had a very fun night.
- Oh, my--did someone have--
- Yes! Yes.
And not even in the confines
of a committed partnership.
I had a one-night stand.
- No!
- Yes.
- Well, check that
off your list.
- How do you know
about my list?
- Girls like you
always have a list.
- Oh.
Well, it was transcendent.
I don't know what came over me.
And then--and then,
like he read my mind,
he was just gone.
- Guess who brought croy-sants.
It's French for pastry.
I have to go.
- The bell tolls for thee.
- You told everyone?
- Does this look like
a place of discretion?
- Oh, come on.
Don't cheapen it.
'Cause I already did!
- So who's the lucky guy?
- A lady never--
- Uh-uh, spill.
- Yeah, we want details.
- Wait, it was Shane.
- No.
- Yes.
You had training last night.
- It just happened.
You know, a few verres de vin.
- I so called it.
- Mm, look at you.
Using your powerful position
in publishing
to score some tail.
- Ooh, baby.
Someone's playing with fire.
- You all told me to do it!
- Before we hired him, Joyce.
So unprofessional.
- Don't listen to him.
You deserve it.
- Mm, three of my five
current stalkers
were former employers.
- No, it's not like that.
- You were the one worried
about the press conference,
and now you've gone
and given this boy
something else to think about.
- That narrative may fit
your tawdry affairs,
but I can assure you
that my eye
is squarely on the ball.
- Which one?
This one or this one?
- I'm gonna have to go back
and do some forensics here.
I mean, the receipts I get
are on scraps of paper,
matchbooks,
toilet tissue sometimes.
It's a frigging miracle
I get us in the ballpark.
- You can take my word,
those numbers don't add up.
- And it's a very big ballpark.
- Is that my handwriting?
You know what?
These are my wife's glasses.
- That'll be all, Gerry.
I mean, he's not a crook.
- Just a terrible accountant.
- Agreed.
Why don't we round up
the troops?
Somebody's gotta
know something.
- You might as well come clean
because we already know.
- About the copy machine
we fenced?
- Sure, I pawned the cameras,
but I bought better ones,
and I also made rent,
so win-win.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Girl, there's a big,
big world out there ♪
- Between the fall of 1970
and the spring of 1971,
yeah, technically,
I did live here.
But that's just 'cause
I was hiding
from the Lambs of God.
- Oh, those are mine.
New Pinto.
Bought with money
from a dead aunt
who died of natural causes.
- Did she kill her aunt?
- Yes.
This is what happens
when you hire people
2:00 a.m. drunk on a Wednesday
because they beat you at darts.
- Kenny was the best
copy editor we've ever had.
I'll defend that hire
till the day I die.
- Real businesses
don't operate this way.
- All right.
So what do you want me to do?
Fire everyone?
Just clean house?
- No, but we gotta
start somewhere.
- Fine.
We'll fire Gerry.
- I'm glad we're doing this.
- Thank you.
Me too.
Um, tomorrow is the big day,
and I just wanted to make sure
that we're both understanding
what this is.
- Looks like fried squid to me.
- Yes. Yeah.
That is the food
that we ordered.
But on a deeper level...
there are power dynamics
in our relationship.
- I love when you say
smart things.
- And, uh, those dynamics make
issues of consent complicated.
- Wait, am I in trouble?
- No, no, no, not at all.
It's just, um...
last night was fun.
- Very fun.
- But it was just fun.
- Yes. I understand
what you're saying.
It was just fun.
- Right. Yes.
Oh, God, good.
Okay.
'Cause we're working together.
No one says
you can't have some fun
while you're working together,
but we both know what this is.
- I am so glad
you said something,
because it was on my mind too.
- Oh.
- I don't even use these
to go to the bathroom.
- Where do you go?
- What?
No, I use bathrooms.
I just don't go in public.
Oh, my God, just keep--
♪ ♪
- I should have debuted
the classier logo.
- Hello, Norman.
- 20 Bottom Dollar titles
in a decade,
and this is the one
that gets a fancy lunch.
Look at you.
William Randolph Hearst reborn.
- You know this one's
full of dongs
and lady opinions, right?
- "The Valley Porn Courier"
covers all things
Bottom Dollar,
not just what I find appealing.
That's a promise I made
to my readers.
- Norman.
- Your number-one fan.
- Hey.
Let me show you
to your VIP seat.
- Of course.
- We knew he would show up.
What about everyone else?
- Yeah, it's a--it's a turnout.
- Voilà.
- I like it.
- You do?
- I do.
- We are packed
to the gills out there.
Ah, you screwed him again.
- Boorish and inappropriate.
And accurate.
It's fine. It's fine.
It's under control.
- Good.
- You okay?
- Yeah. I'm fine.
It's just, um,
there's actually people here.
- Yeah, because our magazine
is a jolt of something new.
It's a whisper and a scream.
- I guess it is.
Just, uh, don't blow it, okay?
- Okay.
- Just ignore him.
I support your sexploits.
You should've been doing this
a lot sooner.
- I know.
- Mm-hmm.
- God.
What was he so hung up about?
Just think,
all of that free love
out there for the taking,
and somehow,
I thought I would have
to pay for it.
- Sorry I'm late.
Pop's van broke down.
- Oh, we're doing that.
- You brought your dad?
- Both my parents.
They're super proud of me.
I'm the first person
in my family
to attend a press conference.
- Hey, it's time.
- Don't be nervous.
We did the work.
You're gonna do great.
- I'm not nervous.
For the first time, maybe ever,
I know exactly what I want.
- Well, great.
Use that.
- It's you.
- What?
- You're, like,
the sexiest teacher ever,
except not married,
and, also, I'm of age now.
- No. Okay. No, hold on.
We were just having fun.
- Yeah, that's how it started--
with a spark.
But what's love
without a spark?
Uh, "Minx" is a--
Oh, "Minx" will establish
the female gaze, uh...
We are
at the exciting intersection
of feminism and erotica.
Any questions?
Okay, uh...
I would like to introduce
Shane Brody.
Shane was selected
out of countless applicants
because he was the minxiest.
He is a modern man.
He's a supporter
of our mission,
and he's also--
- A certified piece
of Grade-A man-meat.
- Ank-you-thay.
- Yeah, for Shane, tell us
what you really had to do
to get the job.
- I guess impress the boss.
- Has your mother
seen your debut?
- Ask her yourself.
She's right there.
Love you, Mom.
- I love you too.
- That's my boy.
- Okay.
Let's just pivot back to the--
- What are your turn-ons?
- Turn-offs?
- What's your sign, honey?
- Tell us
about your ideal woman.
- Yeah, are you single?
Is there a Mrs. Man-Meat?
- Yeah, I do have a new lady.
- Oh, no.
- She's smart, classy, strong.
She could probably lift
anyone in here.
- It's happening.
- She's patient, proper,
a teacher,
and she doesn't
have to dress sexy
'cause she already is.
- Oh, my God.
Shane's in love with Joyce.
- Oh, and she knows
how to have just fun,
which is, like,
a more pure kind of fun
'cause you're falling in love.
Oh, and when we did it
in the bathroom
at the Tony Pony, I realized--
- That no one has asked us
a single question
about this
very carefully researched
and thoughtful magazine.
So does anyone have a question?
- Yeah.
Glenn Hollingsworth,
"Lad" magazine.
- Glenn, you have a question.
- I do.
What do you say to all
the female readers out there
who might be curious
about "Minx"
but are also intimidated
by its content?
- Thank you, Glenn.
That's a great question.
Uh, well--
Thank you so much.
- Thanks, Joyce.
- Yeah.
I owe you something big.
- These can be brutal.
- Yeah.
- A little softball never hurt.
The magazine looks great.
It really does.
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
It means a lot.
- Maybe we can do
lunch sometime.
- Sure. Why not?
But not at the club.
- Yeah, no,
you're banned for life.
They put your picture up front.
- They did?
Like--who's that guy?
That guy that streaked
the tennis tournament?
- Stu.
- Stu. Stu, yeah.
- Hey.
- Oh, God.
- You trying to steal my girl?
Woman.
Liberated woman
who cannot be stolen
and is not property.
- That's right.
- Well, um, I'll call you.
Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- We're going
to Marie Callender's.
- We?
- Hi.
- They want to meet you.
Get to know you like I do,
but not have sex.
- Okay.
No, stop.
All right, I think we need to--
There's been
a misunderstanding here, okay?
'Cause this isn't real.
We're not a couple.
It's not appropriate for me
to meet your very
enthusiastic parents, okay?
It was just sex.
It was just casual sex.
That's what "just fun" means.
- So you used me.
We were using each other,
in a good way, for pleasure.
- Don't tell me
what I was doing.
You say everyone deserves
their own voice, right?
Or am I just some
pretty little thing to you?
- Okay. All right. Okay.
I see what you're doing.
But that--no, that's not this,
because you're just someone
who technically works for me
who I then had sex with.
- I trusted you.
- Shane.
- I gave you my penis,
and I want it back.
- Hmm?
- I don't want to be
in your magazine anymore.
Madam editor.
It was a little shaky at first,
and then boom.
- Save it.
Shane's pulled out.
I broke
his simple little heart.
- Well, I'm sorry,
but he signed the contract,
which means we own the photos,
so we're publishing them,
and there's nothing
that he can do about it.
Though, what did I say?
- Oh, God, you love
a Pyrrhic victory.
- I don't know what that means,
so it doesn't hurt my feelings.
- Doug, we cannot publish
naked photos of Shane
without his permission.
I mean, yeah, fine,
we're legally allowed to,
but what kind of message
does that send?
- It would send the message
that we're good at business.
Look, this is hardly
the first time
a model has gotten cold feet.
- Yeah, but we have
to be better than that.
We have to.
In fact, I insist
on holding us
to a higher standard.
- Listen to you.
"A higher standard."
Because you couldn't keep
your vag in your pants.
- Do you always have to be
so crass?
- All right, Joyce, I'm gonna
give it to you straight.
The magazine is printed.
And I spent more on this rag
than anything
that I have ever done.
I upped our print run
to 500,000
at the last minute
against the advice of everyone.
If I were to pull this issue,
we'd be done.
And I would be in a hole
so goddamn deep
that it would take me years
to climb out of.
So...
get okay with this or fix it.
♪ ♪
- Résumés
for Gerry's replacement.
- I thought we only
fired people on Fridays.
- You've never fired anyone.
- All right.
♪ ♪
This is insane.
Can I talk to you?
I took the money.
But you already knew that.
- A bunch of transfers
between off-cycle titles
at the same time as a surprise
invoice from the printer?
That shit may fool Gerry--
- I knew you wouldn't approve.
- Your pet project
is bleeding us dry,
and now you're stealing from
yourself to hide it from me?
- Okay, maybe I just didn't
want you looking at me
the way you are
looking at me right now.
I changed the plan, Tina.
I am sorry.
- That's a start.
- We both know what you mean
to this place.
You are the other half
of Bottom Dollar.
I just--I need you
to trust me on this one.
Push down those business smarts
that I fucking love about you
and trust me.
- You know how hard it is
to see a burning building
and not yell fire?
- Well, maybe it's not on fire.
Maybe it's just hot
and uncomfortable.
- Is this where you come
to think?
- No, this is my job.
What are you doing here?
- I wanted to talk to you.
- Better make it fast,
'cause if there's a fire,
I'm gonna have to go.
- I think "Minx" is
a tremendous opportunity
for you.
And I know
that we haven't talked much
about your hopes and dreams,
but modeling can open
a lot of doors.
More modeling.
Acting.
You could be a star.
- I don't want to be a star.
I wanted 400 bucks and to show
my dick to the world.
- All right, well, I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this,
but you signed a contract,
and Bottom Dollar owns
your photos,
so there's nothing either one
of us can do about it.
- Wow.
So after all that
feminist stuff,
it just comes down
to a piece of paper?
- Yes, Shane.
This is business.
And I am here on business
and business only.
Um...
God, you're the fourth guy
that I have ever slept with
and the only one
who wasn't my boyfriend
and by far the best,
but that has more to do
with my relationship
to my own body, I think,
but still, it was, um, uh...
You were more into me
than I was into you,
and I knew that.
I should have been
more careful.
I just wanted
to feel good again,
so I pushed away all reason,
and that was really selfish.
It's so irresponsible.
- You could have said hi
to my parents.
- Yes, I should have.
If you don't want to be
in "Minx,"
then I will figure out
a way of killing the issue,
no matter the consequences.
You deserve to have a voice.
- ♪ I don't care
what they say ♪
- Nice work.
And you got some
in the process.
Let me know if you need help.
- Thank you, Tina.
- ♪ Can't you see
I live for your touch? ♪
♪ Because I believe in you ♪
♪ What else can I say? ♪
♪ I believe in you, girl ♪
♪ If I'm trying to be,
go on your way ♪
- 22 inches.
- Brown trout?
- Rainbow.
- Shut up.
- Well, if it isn't Mr. August.
- More like Mrs. August.
- His dick's so fancy,
it probably can't even get
wet anymore.
- You guys can all laugh,
but I'm the one
that feels bad for you.
You're victims,
victims of something
called the patri-archie.
Someday, you'll understand.
- ♪ You and I ♪
♪ Travel to the beat
of a different drum ♪
♪ Ah, can't you tell
by the way I run ♪
♪ Every time
you make eyes at me ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ You cry and moan ♪
♪ And say it will work out ♪
♪ But, honey child,
I've got my doubts ♪
♪ You can't see the forest
for the trees ♪
♪ So don't get me wrong ♪
♪ It's not that I knock it ♪
♪ It's just that I ♪
♪ I'm not in the market ♪
♪ For a boy who wants
to love ♪
♪ Only me ♪
♪ Yes, and I ain't saying ♪
♪ You ain't pretty ♪
♪ All I'm saying's
I'm not ready ♪
♪ For any person,
place, or thing ♪
♪ To try and pull the reins ♪
♪ In on me ♪
♪ So goodbye ♪
♪ I'll be leaving ♪
♪ I see no sense ♪
♪ In this crying
and grieving ♪
♪ We'll both live
a lot longer ♪
♪ If you live without me ♪
♪ ♪