Minx (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - A roll of film, a 3-iron, and a pearl necklace - full transcript
- Wow.
- Quiet, right?
- Yeah.
- I mean, that's
double-paned glass right there.
You could get murdered in here,
and no one would know.
- Ooh. What
about Rita's desk over here?
- Rita?
No, are you crazy?
I'm not wasting that view
on Rita.
That's your spot.
- Hell, no, I'm getting
my own office and my own Tina.
- His name will be Theodore.
- Just imagine sitting here
with Philip Morris
and Seagram's over here,
and they're just tripping
over themselves
to give us all their dough.
- "Sorry, Mr. Hefner.
He's in a meeting.
"But sure,
you can borrow the jet.
Just make sure
you top off the tank..."
- Hey!
- "Because last time--"
- This is an active work zone.
Who let you in?
- Michael Schwartz.
- You got ten seconds
before I kick your ass.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Okay, we're going, we're going!
- Leave the hard hats.
♪ ♪
- ♪ You know that your love ♪
♪ Is like a violin ♪
♪ Baby, when you kiss me ♪
♪ You know the music begins ♪
- Uh...
Hi.
Excuse me, Officer.
Hi, is there a problem here?
- Are you an employee
of Bottom Dollar, Miss?
- Technically, yes.
But I think of myself more
as a creative leader, actually.
I just finished the maiden
issue of my new magazine.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Hey, Kenny.
Help lighten
this nice lady's load.
- What?
Oh, oh, no, I'm so sorry.
- Ma'am.
- Those are mine.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
No--okay.
Where are you going with those?
Oh, okay.
Rita.
Rita, what is going on?
- It's a raid.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna hitchhike
down the road ♪
♪ ♪
- Oh, babes?
- Yeah?
- Do me a favor
and stuff this in your bra.
- Why is everyone so calm?
We're under siege here.
- Oh, it's no big deal.
It happens a few times a year.
The pigs grab our stuff,
Doug pays a fine,
and they return it
in a day or two.
- I want those tassels
back, Wayne.
- What are we
being charged with?
- Aw, it's baby's first raid.
Did you hear
what it's for this time?
- I think maybe
an underage model.
- We shoot underage
models here?
- I'm sure they're of age now.
- Listen, every time
they come in,
it's for something else.
A zoning violation,
harboring a felon.
The charges are
always bullshit, okay?
This is just a racket,
a shakedown.
- This is the dirty part
of the business.
- Oh.
- Okay, is this too much?
- You look thin but bulgy.
- And I guess
these are for the cops now.
- Mm-hmm.
We talked about this, Pete.
You don't fuck
with my space heater.
- Sorry, T.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, what happened
to the heads-up?
- New councilwoman, new rules.
I'm just a humble servant
of the law.
- Oh, don't sell yourself
short, Petey.
You're a prince.
I'll save a doughnut for you.
When are we gonna be done
with this bullshit?
- Around the time
we get that jet.
- This is insane--
they just come in here,
and they just take
whatever they want.
How do you live like this?
- Oh, it's never stopped us
from getting an issue out
before--19 raids and counting.
- That is a weird thing
to be proud of.
- All right.
Happy Monday, everybody.
Okay, seems we got
a new pal at City Hall,
and I haven't paid her
the proper respect.
So we got a spot
at the printer in 36 hours.
We need
to hold on to it, okay?
Anybody got a title
that's ready to go?
"Rich & Horny,"
what do you got?
- I saved a roll of film,
a three-iron,
and a pearl necklace.
- I'm assuming
not the fun kind.
- Negative.
- "Milky Moms."
- They took everything, man,
even the dolls.
- Animals.
- All right.
You know what?
Let's not do this piecemeal.
Everybody, everything you got.
Put it on the table.
What's wrong with you people?
Our magazine is 90% photos.
Did anybody save any negatives?
- Well, don't call me a hero,
but I got "Minx" in my pants.
- Oh, Richie.
- Good stuff.
Hey, kid.
Did you, uh, save any boards?
- I fought valiantly, but--
Oh, my--no, wait.
Uh, I do have mimeographs
of the articles.
See, I, um--
I implemented a backup system
after Hurricane Donna
scattered my thesis through
the streets of Poughkeepsie.
- Well, congrats, kid,
your release date just got
pulled up a month.
- All right, Joyce.
♪ ♪
- Joyce.
- Hmm?
- You have a call.
- It wasn't a real raid.
It was a shakedown.
You know, it was
selective use of local--
No, uh, no.
Kathy, you know the news
always gets this stuff wrong.
It was--please
don't get cold feet, okay?
"Minx" will not be the same
without your piece.
I'm very sorry to hear that.
I lost every
single contributor.
"Degendering Children's
Literature," gone.
"The Patriarchal Implications
of Breastfeeding," poof.
"A Manifesto on the Virtues
of Armpit Hair."
- Which are?
- Unconvincing at best.
I will admit that.
But half of my magazine
has just disappeared.
I cannot go
to the printer's tomorrow.
- Oh, you'll figure it out.
- Oh, that--you're done?
That's it?
There's no more advice?
- Well, look, you've been
working on this magazine
since seventh grade,
so find some old gems,
do a little Joyce-y update,
and, wham bam, you're done.
- Yeah, yeah, I suppose
I could dip into the archives.
I can't put my name on
every single article, though.
That's not professional.
- So change them.
- What to?
- Norman Mailer.
Samantha Shortcake.
It doesn't matter.
You're the editor.
Edit the magazine.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Morning ♪
♪ Couldn't sleep
after a long night ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Morning ♪
♪ I rolled around,
in my nurse-wear tights ♪
♪ ♪
- Councilwoman Westbury.
- Oh, you must be Mr. Renetti.
You were due ten minutes ago.
- Well, I didn't want
to show up empty-handed.
- Aw.
- Congratulations
on the landslide victory.
- Oh, thank you--I don't
accept gifts from constituents.
Also, I grow my own,
blue-ribbon winners--
Crown of Thorns,
three years running.
- Very nice.
Well, what's the secret?
- Love.
- Oh, that's nice.
- Would you mind grabbing that
other brown file up there?
It's a little high for me.
- It'd be my pleasure.
- So I'm assuming that
you're here about the raid
conducted on your premises
this morning?
- Yeah.
The list of citations
was very creative.
- Mm.
- Improper ventilation, um,
expired darkroom materials,
and, uh, what was my favorite?
Access to egress.
What does that even mean?
- Well, safety
is job number one.
- Yeah, I agree, absolutely.
You see, in the past,
uh, after I paid my fines,
of course,
I've been able to expedite
the release of my materials
by making a personal donation
to the charity
of the councilman's choice.
- Ah.
- So...
- Wow, yes, some
of my predecessors
were colorful characters.
I found a gun in my desk
on my first day.
I kept it.
Well, maybe a donation
to the NRA, then?
- Oh, Mr. Renetti, are you
aware that in the Valley,
there are more pornographers
than there are pediatricians?
- I was not aware.
But if you need a doctor,
I got a cousin named--
- That won't be necessary.
- Okay.
- You know,
I was elected to restore
the values of this community,
so, you know,
that's gonna mean pulling
the weeds up by the roots.
Companies
that exploit young girls
and drive down property values
and lead good men
to stumble in their faith.
- The Dirty Dozen--
Adulty's Bookstore,
Romantix Saloon,
The Tickle Corner.
- Mm.
What are you--what are you
trying to do here,
cut out the Valley's heart?
Or its tumor.
- Well, Councilwoman,
there's nothing illegal
about any of these businesses.
Despite how distasteful
you might find them,
this is still a free country.
- The job of government
is to protect its citizens
from bad actors.
If those actors find
my oversight too onerous,
they are free
to set up shop elsewhere.
I heard Oxnard is lovely,
and it's by the water.
- Come on.
- So if you'll excuse me,
I have a tea
with the Daughters
of the American Revolution.
And trust me, you don't want
to keep those gals waiting.
You can see yourself out.
- This sucks.
- Zip it.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Hey, mama ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Showing up lookin' good ♪
♪ With them skinny legs
twisting around ♪
♪ In them hot pants ♪
♪ Look at that, have mercy ♪
- Auntie Joyce,
I've never seen--
- Hey, what did
I tell you in the car?
Eyes down, mouth shut.
- Tommy, I was not expecting
to see you here.
- And I was not expecting
someone
to light his classmate's
buttocks on fire.
- It wasn't his butt.
It was his fart.
- Eugene is in
the burn ward, Thomas.
I can't even look
at you right now.
Rest of the boxes, chop-chop.
My God, Joycie, this
place is quite an operation.
- Well, trust me, it's held
together with masking tape.
Aw, you ever read this article?
"Out for Blood: The Fight
for Menstrual Reckoning."
- Oh, of course,
it challenged everything
I thought I knew
about menstrual reckonings.
- Okay.
- Oh, that reminds me.
I got to pick up ketchup.
It's meatloaf Monday.
- Yay, Shelly's here!
- Hi.
- Do you want a tour?
It's kind of my thing.
- Yeah, I want to see
everything.
Wait, do I, or--
- Yes, you do.
Maybe not that corner.
- Oh, that's so much fun.
But, um, could you just wait
on that,
and instead, could you just
help me go through these boxes
and pick out the best--
you know, the best articles?
- Oh.
- Okay.
- I mean, I guess
I could be here for an hour.
- Oh, great.
- Where should I park
this little pyro?
- Um, the lobby should be fine.
- Follow me, cutie.
- Oh, uh, just know that any
of the women you see here
appear
in our photos voluntarily
and are appropriately
compensated, okay?
Oh, but you should also
not expect the girls
that you're romantic with to be
as open with their sexuality.
'Cause--oh, but if they are--
- Joyce.
- Yeah.
- He's 13.
- Oh, okay.
- You took scout sashes, why?
- Don't know, it was the
closest thing to the door.
You know what? You take
my stuff, I'm taking yours.
- That's the dumbest shit
I've ever heard.
We got a real problem here.
- I know.
I looked in that woman's eyes.
She wants to end us.
Look, we got to get
those boards back,
show her that we got friends
in this community, too.
- And how are we supposed
to do that?
- I don't know.
Beg, borrow, or steal.
She thinks she's the Valley.
Mm-mm, I'm the Valley.
- Okay, slow down, Capone.
It was one thing
to do that stuff
back in the day
when we had nothing to lose.
Got real assets
to protect now.
Got to follow some rules.
- Yeah, not exactly
why I got into porn.
- I can call some people,
find out who's got her ear,
you know,
aboveboard political stuff.
Play the long game.
Come out clean, get so big
she can't fuck with us anymore.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
Let's try it your way.
- All right.
- Uh, okay, so, um, which ones
were your favorites?
- All of them.
- Guys, it's okay.
I'm not married to anything,
all right?
Although I am a little in love
with that article
on marital rape.
- Oh, yeah.
That one was neat.
- You think marital rape
is neat?
- You didn't read it.
Okay.
- Uh, we tried really hard.
There just wasn't much
to latch on to.
- Yeah.
- All right, all right.
Uh, Shelly, you must have liked
"Home Economics:
The Contretemps
on Domestic Expiation"?
- I'm so sorry, Joycie.
I couldn't get through it.
- But I literally
wrote it for you.
It debates whether wives
should be compensated
for their housework.
- How was I supposed
to know that?
- "The Contretemps
on Domestic Expiation."
I don't know
how I could be any clearer.
- Well, uh,
what if you called it
"Kids Get Paid For Chores,
Shouldn't Moms?"
- Mm.
- I would read that.
- Well, yeah, if we want to go
for the low-hanging fruit.
- For me, it was more,
like, an energy thing.
It's like the articles
didn't want to be read.
- Oh, my gosh.
You put that so well.
It's like they were angry
at me for even trying.
Joyce, this is one paragraph.
I feel attacked.
- Yeah.
- All right, okay.
I guess the gloves are off.
Go ahead, I can take it.
- Crabby.
- Lifeless.
- Pedantic.
Yeah, I looked it up.
I looked all these up.
I guess I mostly read
the dictionary.
- All right, well, um,
thank you for your suggestions.
I will definitely
give them some thought.
- Oh.
- Uh, Jo--
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Understood.
No, thank you.
Okay.
- Can I help you
with something?
- Oh, I'm just here
with my mother.
- She a Horny Housewife
or Milky Mom?
- Neither, I hope.
Um, my aunt is an editor here.
And I got kicked
out of summer school.
- Oh, been there.
- I'm in a lot of trouble.
Well, let's see
if we can brighten your day.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Well, I love you, baby ♪
♪ I'm telling you right here ♪
♪ But please
don't make me decide, baby ♪
♪ Between you
and a bottle of beer ♪
♪ Baby, come on over ♪
♪ Come on over to my side,
come on, baby ♪
♪ My side ♪
♪ Well, I may not live
past 21 ♪
♪ But, whoo,
what a way to die ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Your lovin'
fluctuates, baby ♪
♪ And everybody knows ♪
♪ But the temperature
always stays the same ♪
♪ On an ice-cold bottle
of Stroh's ♪
♪ So, baby, come on over ♪
♪ Oh, come on over
to my side ♪
♪ Come on over, honey ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well, I may not live
past 21 ♪
♪ But, whoo, what a way... ♪
- Oh, there she is,
the Valley's
most eligible bachelorette.
- It's going to take
an honest man
to make an honest woman
out of me, Dougie.
That rules you out.
- This never happened.
- I don't even know
what you're talking about.
I will be in
and out in no time.
Thank you.
- ♪ Oh, come on over
to my side, come on ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well, I may not live
past 21 ♪
♪ But, whoo,
what a way to die ♪
♪ ♪
- Mr. Renetti,
after our little meeting today,
I asked around about you.
Ooh, you are
quite the rapscallion.
- Okay, listen, lady,
my employees
are your constituents, too.
What happens to them
if I lose my business?
- Well, I've found Valley folk
to be tremendously resilient.
And with the dynamic economy
that we're building,
there's gonna be plenty
of opportunity
for people
to pursue respectable work.
- When are you up
for reelection?
- I'm certain
I will have your vote
before that day arrives.
By the way, there was a bag
in my office.
It grew feet and scurried off
right about the time
you popped by.
Troop 17 has
their pictures tonight,
and the girls cannot pose
without their sashes.
- That is so unfortunate.
Well, it seems like we both
need something back, don't we?
- Hmm.
- Keep 'em, Carole.
- She won't let me.
- Hi.
- Hi, Joyce, you okay?
- There were 32 different boas
stuffed in the corner,
so I have organized them now
into color, length,
and species.
- Oh.
- Oh, looks a lot better.
- Mm-hmm.
- It does, mm-hmm.
- Hey, babes.
So we were thinking, you know,
maybe it wasn't
very helpful of us
to criticize your magazine
and not have any ideas
of our own.
So we came up with some stuff.
- Oh.
- Since we need
to fill more pages,
I tweaked the layout of some
of the existing material.
I created a jazzy infographic
based on
the birth-control article.
I added a whole page.
- And I changed the headline
from "Eisenstadt v. Baird:
Reproductive Justice Granted"
to "Hooray, Now Single Gals
Can Get the Pill."
See?
It's catchy.
- Hmm.
That, uh--that is a change.
- And last
but hopefully not least,
I used the reject Polaroids
from the centerfold casting
and made this.
- What am I looking at?
- It's a game.
You match the man
with the penis.
- It's cute.
- Why?
- Well, first of all,
it's a lot tougher
than you think--I mean, try it.
- Yeah, and we thought it might
be a little bit shocking
to flip from your article
on female genital mutilation
straight into a two-page spread
of that fireman's dingle dong.
- Yeah, you--you need
a transition, kind of, like,
a scoop of sorbet
in between courses.
- Yeah.
- That's good.
- So this is what you've been
working on all day?
- And Shelly's hair.
- Yes.
- And my makeup.
- Doesn't she look gorgeous?
- Stop it.
- I don't know how to do this.
I don't know
how to make you understand
that this magazine
is not a joke.
You know, we don't do
bubble letters
or dumbed-down headlines
or penis games
with no redeeming social value.
My God, Doug is making me
do something that
is impossible here,
and he is giving me
absolutely no support.
- Joycie, w-we're your support.
We're trying to help.
- Yeah, but you can't,
because a real magazine has
real writers and real editors,
and it's not cobbled together
at the last minute
like it's Meatloaf Monday.
- You're right. I don't know
what we were thinking.
Good luck, Joyce.
- Wow, I've never seen
one this big before.
- Tommy, you're so good
with your hands.
- Wow.
What is going on in here?
No, sir.
- No, uh, he just told us about
what happened with Eugene.
- Yeah.
- Tough break.
- It's so sad.
- Just awful.
- You know,
kids make mistakes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Um...
thank you.
- Sure.
- Okay, let's go.
- So good.
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
- Bye, Nikki, Jade, Lola,
Amber, Roxy, Cherry.
- Bye, Tommy.
- Bye.
♪ ♪
- You got to be kidding me.
♪ ♪
- Okay, Westbury comes
out of her house, you know.
Obviously there's your car.
Later in the day, fancy lunch,
Antonio's maybe?
There's your car again.
- When do we go in her house?
- We're not breaking in.
This is intimidation.
We're just trying
to get in her head.
- It would be easier, though,
just to kill her.
- Arkady, please, this is
a simple plan, no improvising.
We're just trying
to intimidate her--
Oh, what the fuck?
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Joyce.
- Hi.
- If you finished early
and you're coming in here
to tie one on, boy,
have I misjudged you.
- No, I-I can't finish.
- Of course you can finish.
Okay, this is what it means
to be a boss--you're just fine.
- Well, maybe I'm not cut out
for leadership
because I'm not getting...
Who are those guys?
- Ah, they're associates.
Nothing to worry about.
- Why are they staring
at me, then?
- I don't know.
They're curious gentlemen.
What were you saying?
What do you need?
- Are you plotting something?
- No, I'm not
plotting anything.
Joyce, you handle editorial.
I'll handle the business, okay?
- This is business?
- Yes, this is business.
I've been dealing
with politicians for 15 years.
They come, and they go.
I'm still here.
- Yeah, which is
a miracle, frankly.
What, are you gonna
kidnap some scouts
or steal their cookies?
So you heard about that?
- Yes.
- Look, I don't steal, Joyce...
- From people
who don't deserve it, okay?
- What I'm trying
to do is real,
and it's hard,
and there are no shortcuts.
I can see I came to
the wrong place for any help.
- That's enough, okay?
How about this?
Do your fucking job,
and I'll do mine.
- Okay, we'll see about that.
- We're good, gentlemen.
- Spasibo.
My Svetlana will love these.
- Pozhaluysta.
- Okay, girls.
Your attention, please.
I know these aren't real,
but if there's one thing
scouts know how to do,
it's improvise and stay chaste.
- Councilwoman Westbury.
Hello.
Hi, I am Joyce Prigger.
I am a big admirer of yours,
ever since you ran
for school board in '65.
- Oh, well, I couldn't just
sit back and watch them
teach our kids Salinger,
now, could I?
- Certainly not, no.
Um, but you,
you're an inspiration--
the way you've been able
to balance raising a family
with a career.
I mean,
the first city councilwoman
in all of Southern California.
You're a pioneer.
- Oh, well,
I have a bottomless can
of Folgers and a crackerjack
all-female staff.
Are you looking
to get into politics?
- Oh, uh, no, um, no,
I'm just--I'm actually here
to, um, return these
with apologies
from Doug Renetti.
Okay, well, it seems like you
two got off on the wrong foot.
- Mm-hmm. Marian, be a lamb
and, um, distribute these
and, uh, organize the girls.
- Ja, fraulein.
- Apologies for my daughter.
She has a unique
sense of humor.
- Yeah.
Um, I think you got the wrong
impression of Bottom Dollar,
and even of Doug Renetti,
actually, because,
look, I know he can be a little
rough around the edges,
but you know what?
He was the only one
who would take a chance
on publishing my magazine.
It's a road map for
the next generation of women,
for girls like yours who
will redefine what's possible.
- Really?
What kind of articles are
in this magazine of yours?
- Oh, well,
important topics, you know--
uh, Title IX, ERA.
- Mm, mm-hmm. Annabelle!
What do you think
of the ERA?
- I don't want to get drafted
and die in Vietnam.
- Hmm.
- Oh.
- Julie, would you like
to weigh in?
- If I get divorced,
I don't want to pay
my husband alimony.
- Even if he raises the kids
while you
attend medical school?
All right, well,
what about the right
to join a male scout group
if you want to learn
about wood carving
and wilderness survival,
instead of--
- Do you carve a lot of wood?
- No, but I do believe that
I should have the right to.
- This one has a turtleneck.
- I just--I don't know.
It's a lot harder
than it looks.
- Oh, my God.
- Where's the answer key?
- Give that to me!
Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, it--
- Is this your road map?
I'm fairly certain
that leads straight to hell.
- Oh, for Pete's sake,
they're just penises,
minding their own business--
it's silly, and it's fun.
And there's something
to be said
for not taking oneself
so seriously.
- Ah, well, we clearly have
very different ideas
about how to shape the minds
of young women.
And if you've already
aligned yourself
with the likes of Mr. Renetti,
I can assure you that your days
in the San Fernando Valley
are numbered.
Okay, girls,
enough monkey business.
Form up!
Don't dawdle. Let's go.
Now, I want big smiles,
straight spines,
and flat tummies.
Suck it in, Ruth.
- Oh, thank God
you're still here.
Okay.
We have a magazine to make.
- Oh, we?
- Look I am so, so sorry
about today, okay?
You came in
with enthusiasm and ideas,
and I just stole
your joie de vivre.
The truth is,
I am in way over my head
but I have to figure it out.
We have to figure it out,
if not for us, then
for the girls who come next,
because I have seen the future,
and it is terrifying.
- Like you at 4:00 p.m.?
- Oh, scarier.
♪ ♪
- Let's get to work, boss.
- Oh, okay.
Oh, my God.
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I remember ♪
♪ when we first met
we said we'd never part ♪
- ♪ We'd never part ♪
- ♪ Darling,
we both understood that ♪
♪ Everything was good
about you ♪
♪ I can't live without you ♪
♪ Now that we
are broken up, darling ♪
♪ My life is nothing
without you ♪
- ♪ We... ♪
- This layout, was it Curt?
- Richie.
It's not just photography.
He has a real eye for design.
- Great.
The game is new.
- It's fun.
Bambi's fun.
- She loves her mix and match.
Look, I don't know
how you did it,
but this is the best version
of this rag I've seen so far.
- Right?
Yeah, it really
came together.
- Ah, even Samantha Shortcake
got a piece in it.
- Samantha Short is
a nom de plume
I will use very proudly.
- Great, good stuff.
♪ ♪
- You know, Doug,
in your own way...
you're actually
a really good boss.
I just--I want to say thank you
for giving "Minx" a chance.
- Are you trying to get
in my pants, Prigger?
'Cause I don't put out
in the office anymore.
- Okay.
- I learned that lesson
many times.
Oh, by the way,
I love the new headlines.
They're punchy
and understandable,
which I didn't know
you could be.
Good work.
♪ ♪
- Tommy!
- It was Bobby.
- Yeah, was it?
That was my grandmother's owl!
Turn it down!
Okay, the Hendersons
have their own TV.
They don't want to hear ours.
Jesus Christ!
Do you know why babies come out
looking like the dad?
It's some, like,
evolutionary thing,
so men won't eat their young.
But was does biology do
for the moms, Joyce?
- I have
kind of a crazy idea.
- Oh, no.
I already tried Quaaludes.
- No, what if you came
to work for "Minx"?
I mean, mornings
or a few times a week,
whatever's good for you.
- What, because yesterday
went so well?
- Okay.
I know I was not at my best.
- You know, just because
people can't do what you do
doesn't mean
they can't do something.
- See, yeah, that right there,
that's what I need.
You're so good with Bambi
and Tina and Richie.
It's--and you've
always been funnier than me.
- Low bar.
- Okay, thank you.
I mean,
when you think about it,
making a magazine
isn't entirely different
from making a meatloaf.
Oh, my God.
Jesus, Tommy!
- Oh, no, that's Bobby.
His anus is bluer.
- Okay, you really, really
need to get out of your house.
- Hey, Barb.
Yeah, give me a Maker's
and a banana daiquiri.
- Sure thing, baby cakes.
- Thanks.
You seen "Minx"?
- Looks good, bumpy ride.
- Yeah, kid pulled it off.
It's great.
- Barely.
But bought us 24 to 36 hours.
- Well, it looks like
we won't be getting that jet
until next year, huh?
♪ ♪
- Yep, seems our new
councilwoman has a few secrets
of her own.
- I mean, we show her this,
she moves on
to someone else right away.
- Mm-hmm.
- Man...
♪ ♪
How'd you get this?
I had a favor to call in,
and I used it.
That's all you need to know.
- Great.
♪ ♪
Put that somewhere
where I can't get it.
- Here you go, hon.
- Hey, do me a favor.
Stay straight.
That's how this works.
♪ ♪
- One, two.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Satisfaction ♪
♪ Satisfaction is
what I want ♪
♪ Satisfaction ♪
♪ Satisfaction is what I ♪
♪ I'm tired of being the one
that love passes by ♪
- ♪ I want to be satisfied ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ There's nothing
I won't try ♪
♪ If I could get a chance ♪
♪ Then I would have romance,
if I had it once ♪
♪ 'Cause satisfaction
is what I want ♪
- ♪ Satisfaction ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Satisfaction ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah,
is what I want ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Love is passing ♪
♪ Satisfaction ♪
♪ No one gives you,
what did I do? ♪
- ♪ I didn't do nothing ♪
♪ Don't deserve
the sun coming in ♪
- ♪ If I could get
one chance ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ To prove that I'm worthy,
to be qualified ♪
♪ To have love desired,
if I had a chance ♪
♪ Satisfaction
is what I want ♪
- ♪ I'm just hopin' ♪
- ♪ For your company ♪
- ♪ If I hold on ♪
- ♪ It will surely come... ♪
- Quiet, right?
- Yeah.
- I mean, that's
double-paned glass right there.
You could get murdered in here,
and no one would know.
- Ooh. What
about Rita's desk over here?
- Rita?
No, are you crazy?
I'm not wasting that view
on Rita.
That's your spot.
- Hell, no, I'm getting
my own office and my own Tina.
- His name will be Theodore.
- Just imagine sitting here
with Philip Morris
and Seagram's over here,
and they're just tripping
over themselves
to give us all their dough.
- "Sorry, Mr. Hefner.
He's in a meeting.
"But sure,
you can borrow the jet.
Just make sure
you top off the tank..."
- Hey!
- "Because last time--"
- This is an active work zone.
Who let you in?
- Michael Schwartz.
- You got ten seconds
before I kick your ass.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Okay, we're going, we're going!
- Leave the hard hats.
♪ ♪
- ♪ You know that your love ♪
♪ Is like a violin ♪
♪ Baby, when you kiss me ♪
♪ You know the music begins ♪
- Uh...
Hi.
Excuse me, Officer.
Hi, is there a problem here?
- Are you an employee
of Bottom Dollar, Miss?
- Technically, yes.
But I think of myself more
as a creative leader, actually.
I just finished the maiden
issue of my new magazine.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Hey, Kenny.
Help lighten
this nice lady's load.
- What?
Oh, oh, no, I'm so sorry.
- Ma'am.
- Those are mine.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
No--okay.
Where are you going with those?
Oh, okay.
Rita.
Rita, what is going on?
- It's a raid.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna hitchhike
down the road ♪
♪ ♪
- Oh, babes?
- Yeah?
- Do me a favor
and stuff this in your bra.
- Why is everyone so calm?
We're under siege here.
- Oh, it's no big deal.
It happens a few times a year.
The pigs grab our stuff,
Doug pays a fine,
and they return it
in a day or two.
- I want those tassels
back, Wayne.
- What are we
being charged with?
- Aw, it's baby's first raid.
Did you hear
what it's for this time?
- I think maybe
an underage model.
- We shoot underage
models here?
- I'm sure they're of age now.
- Listen, every time
they come in,
it's for something else.
A zoning violation,
harboring a felon.
The charges are
always bullshit, okay?
This is just a racket,
a shakedown.
- This is the dirty part
of the business.
- Oh.
- Okay, is this too much?
- You look thin but bulgy.
- And I guess
these are for the cops now.
- Mm-hmm.
We talked about this, Pete.
You don't fuck
with my space heater.
- Sorry, T.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, what happened
to the heads-up?
- New councilwoman, new rules.
I'm just a humble servant
of the law.
- Oh, don't sell yourself
short, Petey.
You're a prince.
I'll save a doughnut for you.
When are we gonna be done
with this bullshit?
- Around the time
we get that jet.
- This is insane--
they just come in here,
and they just take
whatever they want.
How do you live like this?
- Oh, it's never stopped us
from getting an issue out
before--19 raids and counting.
- That is a weird thing
to be proud of.
- All right.
Happy Monday, everybody.
Okay, seems we got
a new pal at City Hall,
and I haven't paid her
the proper respect.
So we got a spot
at the printer in 36 hours.
We need
to hold on to it, okay?
Anybody got a title
that's ready to go?
"Rich & Horny,"
what do you got?
- I saved a roll of film,
a three-iron,
and a pearl necklace.
- I'm assuming
not the fun kind.
- Negative.
- "Milky Moms."
- They took everything, man,
even the dolls.
- Animals.
- All right.
You know what?
Let's not do this piecemeal.
Everybody, everything you got.
Put it on the table.
What's wrong with you people?
Our magazine is 90% photos.
Did anybody save any negatives?
- Well, don't call me a hero,
but I got "Minx" in my pants.
- Oh, Richie.
- Good stuff.
Hey, kid.
Did you, uh, save any boards?
- I fought valiantly, but--
Oh, my--no, wait.
Uh, I do have mimeographs
of the articles.
See, I, um--
I implemented a backup system
after Hurricane Donna
scattered my thesis through
the streets of Poughkeepsie.
- Well, congrats, kid,
your release date just got
pulled up a month.
- All right, Joyce.
♪ ♪
- Joyce.
- Hmm?
- You have a call.
- It wasn't a real raid.
It was a shakedown.
You know, it was
selective use of local--
No, uh, no.
Kathy, you know the news
always gets this stuff wrong.
It was--please
don't get cold feet, okay?
"Minx" will not be the same
without your piece.
I'm very sorry to hear that.
I lost every
single contributor.
"Degendering Children's
Literature," gone.
"The Patriarchal Implications
of Breastfeeding," poof.
"A Manifesto on the Virtues
of Armpit Hair."
- Which are?
- Unconvincing at best.
I will admit that.
But half of my magazine
has just disappeared.
I cannot go
to the printer's tomorrow.
- Oh, you'll figure it out.
- Oh, that--you're done?
That's it?
There's no more advice?
- Well, look, you've been
working on this magazine
since seventh grade,
so find some old gems,
do a little Joyce-y update,
and, wham bam, you're done.
- Yeah, yeah, I suppose
I could dip into the archives.
I can't put my name on
every single article, though.
That's not professional.
- So change them.
- What to?
- Norman Mailer.
Samantha Shortcake.
It doesn't matter.
You're the editor.
Edit the magazine.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Morning ♪
♪ Couldn't sleep
after a long night ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Morning ♪
♪ I rolled around,
in my nurse-wear tights ♪
♪ ♪
- Councilwoman Westbury.
- Oh, you must be Mr. Renetti.
You were due ten minutes ago.
- Well, I didn't want
to show up empty-handed.
- Aw.
- Congratulations
on the landslide victory.
- Oh, thank you--I don't
accept gifts from constituents.
Also, I grow my own,
blue-ribbon winners--
Crown of Thorns,
three years running.
- Very nice.
Well, what's the secret?
- Love.
- Oh, that's nice.
- Would you mind grabbing that
other brown file up there?
It's a little high for me.
- It'd be my pleasure.
- So I'm assuming that
you're here about the raid
conducted on your premises
this morning?
- Yeah.
The list of citations
was very creative.
- Mm.
- Improper ventilation, um,
expired darkroom materials,
and, uh, what was my favorite?
Access to egress.
What does that even mean?
- Well, safety
is job number one.
- Yeah, I agree, absolutely.
You see, in the past,
uh, after I paid my fines,
of course,
I've been able to expedite
the release of my materials
by making a personal donation
to the charity
of the councilman's choice.
- Ah.
- So...
- Wow, yes, some
of my predecessors
were colorful characters.
I found a gun in my desk
on my first day.
I kept it.
Well, maybe a donation
to the NRA, then?
- Oh, Mr. Renetti, are you
aware that in the Valley,
there are more pornographers
than there are pediatricians?
- I was not aware.
But if you need a doctor,
I got a cousin named--
- That won't be necessary.
- Okay.
- You know,
I was elected to restore
the values of this community,
so, you know,
that's gonna mean pulling
the weeds up by the roots.
Companies
that exploit young girls
and drive down property values
and lead good men
to stumble in their faith.
- The Dirty Dozen--
Adulty's Bookstore,
Romantix Saloon,
The Tickle Corner.
- Mm.
What are you--what are you
trying to do here,
cut out the Valley's heart?
Or its tumor.
- Well, Councilwoman,
there's nothing illegal
about any of these businesses.
Despite how distasteful
you might find them,
this is still a free country.
- The job of government
is to protect its citizens
from bad actors.
If those actors find
my oversight too onerous,
they are free
to set up shop elsewhere.
I heard Oxnard is lovely,
and it's by the water.
- Come on.
- So if you'll excuse me,
I have a tea
with the Daughters
of the American Revolution.
And trust me, you don't want
to keep those gals waiting.
You can see yourself out.
- This sucks.
- Zip it.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Hey, mama ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Showing up lookin' good ♪
♪ With them skinny legs
twisting around ♪
♪ In them hot pants ♪
♪ Look at that, have mercy ♪
- Auntie Joyce,
I've never seen--
- Hey, what did
I tell you in the car?
Eyes down, mouth shut.
- Tommy, I was not expecting
to see you here.
- And I was not expecting
someone
to light his classmate's
buttocks on fire.
- It wasn't his butt.
It was his fart.
- Eugene is in
the burn ward, Thomas.
I can't even look
at you right now.
Rest of the boxes, chop-chop.
My God, Joycie, this
place is quite an operation.
- Well, trust me, it's held
together with masking tape.
Aw, you ever read this article?
"Out for Blood: The Fight
for Menstrual Reckoning."
- Oh, of course,
it challenged everything
I thought I knew
about menstrual reckonings.
- Okay.
- Oh, that reminds me.
I got to pick up ketchup.
It's meatloaf Monday.
- Yay, Shelly's here!
- Hi.
- Do you want a tour?
It's kind of my thing.
- Yeah, I want to see
everything.
Wait, do I, or--
- Yes, you do.
Maybe not that corner.
- Oh, that's so much fun.
But, um, could you just wait
on that,
and instead, could you just
help me go through these boxes
and pick out the best--
you know, the best articles?
- Oh.
- Okay.
- I mean, I guess
I could be here for an hour.
- Oh, great.
- Where should I park
this little pyro?
- Um, the lobby should be fine.
- Follow me, cutie.
- Oh, uh, just know that any
of the women you see here
appear
in our photos voluntarily
and are appropriately
compensated, okay?
Oh, but you should also
not expect the girls
that you're romantic with to be
as open with their sexuality.
'Cause--oh, but if they are--
- Joyce.
- Yeah.
- He's 13.
- Oh, okay.
- You took scout sashes, why?
- Don't know, it was the
closest thing to the door.
You know what? You take
my stuff, I'm taking yours.
- That's the dumbest shit
I've ever heard.
We got a real problem here.
- I know.
I looked in that woman's eyes.
She wants to end us.
Look, we got to get
those boards back,
show her that we got friends
in this community, too.
- And how are we supposed
to do that?
- I don't know.
Beg, borrow, or steal.
She thinks she's the Valley.
Mm-mm, I'm the Valley.
- Okay, slow down, Capone.
It was one thing
to do that stuff
back in the day
when we had nothing to lose.
Got real assets
to protect now.
Got to follow some rules.
- Yeah, not exactly
why I got into porn.
- I can call some people,
find out who's got her ear,
you know,
aboveboard political stuff.
Play the long game.
Come out clean, get so big
she can't fuck with us anymore.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
Let's try it your way.
- All right.
- Uh, okay, so, um, which ones
were your favorites?
- All of them.
- Guys, it's okay.
I'm not married to anything,
all right?
Although I am a little in love
with that article
on marital rape.
- Oh, yeah.
That one was neat.
- You think marital rape
is neat?
- You didn't read it.
Okay.
- Uh, we tried really hard.
There just wasn't much
to latch on to.
- Yeah.
- All right, all right.
Uh, Shelly, you must have liked
"Home Economics:
The Contretemps
on Domestic Expiation"?
- I'm so sorry, Joycie.
I couldn't get through it.
- But I literally
wrote it for you.
It debates whether wives
should be compensated
for their housework.
- How was I supposed
to know that?
- "The Contretemps
on Domestic Expiation."
I don't know
how I could be any clearer.
- Well, uh,
what if you called it
"Kids Get Paid For Chores,
Shouldn't Moms?"
- Mm.
- I would read that.
- Well, yeah, if we want to go
for the low-hanging fruit.
- For me, it was more,
like, an energy thing.
It's like the articles
didn't want to be read.
- Oh, my gosh.
You put that so well.
It's like they were angry
at me for even trying.
Joyce, this is one paragraph.
I feel attacked.
- Yeah.
- All right, okay.
I guess the gloves are off.
Go ahead, I can take it.
- Crabby.
- Lifeless.
- Pedantic.
Yeah, I looked it up.
I looked all these up.
I guess I mostly read
the dictionary.
- All right, well, um,
thank you for your suggestions.
I will definitely
give them some thought.
- Oh.
- Uh, Jo--
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Understood.
No, thank you.
Okay.
- Can I help you
with something?
- Oh, I'm just here
with my mother.
- She a Horny Housewife
or Milky Mom?
- Neither, I hope.
Um, my aunt is an editor here.
And I got kicked
out of summer school.
- Oh, been there.
- I'm in a lot of trouble.
Well, let's see
if we can brighten your day.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Well, I love you, baby ♪
♪ I'm telling you right here ♪
♪ But please
don't make me decide, baby ♪
♪ Between you
and a bottle of beer ♪
♪ Baby, come on over ♪
♪ Come on over to my side,
come on, baby ♪
♪ My side ♪
♪ Well, I may not live
past 21 ♪
♪ But, whoo,
what a way to die ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Your lovin'
fluctuates, baby ♪
♪ And everybody knows ♪
♪ But the temperature
always stays the same ♪
♪ On an ice-cold bottle
of Stroh's ♪
♪ So, baby, come on over ♪
♪ Oh, come on over
to my side ♪
♪ Come on over, honey ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well, I may not live
past 21 ♪
♪ But, whoo, what a way... ♪
- Oh, there she is,
the Valley's
most eligible bachelorette.
- It's going to take
an honest man
to make an honest woman
out of me, Dougie.
That rules you out.
- This never happened.
- I don't even know
what you're talking about.
I will be in
and out in no time.
Thank you.
- ♪ Oh, come on over
to my side, come on ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well, I may not live
past 21 ♪
♪ But, whoo,
what a way to die ♪
♪ ♪
- Mr. Renetti,
after our little meeting today,
I asked around about you.
Ooh, you are
quite the rapscallion.
- Okay, listen, lady,
my employees
are your constituents, too.
What happens to them
if I lose my business?
- Well, I've found Valley folk
to be tremendously resilient.
And with the dynamic economy
that we're building,
there's gonna be plenty
of opportunity
for people
to pursue respectable work.
- When are you up
for reelection?
- I'm certain
I will have your vote
before that day arrives.
By the way, there was a bag
in my office.
It grew feet and scurried off
right about the time
you popped by.
Troop 17 has
their pictures tonight,
and the girls cannot pose
without their sashes.
- That is so unfortunate.
Well, it seems like we both
need something back, don't we?
- Hmm.
- Keep 'em, Carole.
- She won't let me.
- Hi.
- Hi, Joyce, you okay?
- There were 32 different boas
stuffed in the corner,
so I have organized them now
into color, length,
and species.
- Oh.
- Oh, looks a lot better.
- Mm-hmm.
- It does, mm-hmm.
- Hey, babes.
So we were thinking, you know,
maybe it wasn't
very helpful of us
to criticize your magazine
and not have any ideas
of our own.
So we came up with some stuff.
- Oh.
- Since we need
to fill more pages,
I tweaked the layout of some
of the existing material.
I created a jazzy infographic
based on
the birth-control article.
I added a whole page.
- And I changed the headline
from "Eisenstadt v. Baird:
Reproductive Justice Granted"
to "Hooray, Now Single Gals
Can Get the Pill."
See?
It's catchy.
- Hmm.
That, uh--that is a change.
- And last
but hopefully not least,
I used the reject Polaroids
from the centerfold casting
and made this.
- What am I looking at?
- It's a game.
You match the man
with the penis.
- It's cute.
- Why?
- Well, first of all,
it's a lot tougher
than you think--I mean, try it.
- Yeah, and we thought it might
be a little bit shocking
to flip from your article
on female genital mutilation
straight into a two-page spread
of that fireman's dingle dong.
- Yeah, you--you need
a transition, kind of, like,
a scoop of sorbet
in between courses.
- Yeah.
- That's good.
- So this is what you've been
working on all day?
- And Shelly's hair.
- Yes.
- And my makeup.
- Doesn't she look gorgeous?
- Stop it.
- I don't know how to do this.
I don't know
how to make you understand
that this magazine
is not a joke.
You know, we don't do
bubble letters
or dumbed-down headlines
or penis games
with no redeeming social value.
My God, Doug is making me
do something that
is impossible here,
and he is giving me
absolutely no support.
- Joycie, w-we're your support.
We're trying to help.
- Yeah, but you can't,
because a real magazine has
real writers and real editors,
and it's not cobbled together
at the last minute
like it's Meatloaf Monday.
- You're right. I don't know
what we were thinking.
Good luck, Joyce.
- Wow, I've never seen
one this big before.
- Tommy, you're so good
with your hands.
- Wow.
What is going on in here?
No, sir.
- No, uh, he just told us about
what happened with Eugene.
- Yeah.
- Tough break.
- It's so sad.
- Just awful.
- You know,
kids make mistakes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Um...
thank you.
- Sure.
- Okay, let's go.
- So good.
- Excuse me.
- Okay.
- Bye, Nikki, Jade, Lola,
Amber, Roxy, Cherry.
- Bye, Tommy.
- Bye.
♪ ♪
- You got to be kidding me.
♪ ♪
- Okay, Westbury comes
out of her house, you know.
Obviously there's your car.
Later in the day, fancy lunch,
Antonio's maybe?
There's your car again.
- When do we go in her house?
- We're not breaking in.
This is intimidation.
We're just trying
to get in her head.
- It would be easier, though,
just to kill her.
- Arkady, please, this is
a simple plan, no improvising.
We're just trying
to intimidate her--
Oh, what the fuck?
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Joyce.
- Hi.
- If you finished early
and you're coming in here
to tie one on, boy,
have I misjudged you.
- No, I-I can't finish.
- Of course you can finish.
Okay, this is what it means
to be a boss--you're just fine.
- Well, maybe I'm not cut out
for leadership
because I'm not getting...
Who are those guys?
- Ah, they're associates.
Nothing to worry about.
- Why are they staring
at me, then?
- I don't know.
They're curious gentlemen.
What were you saying?
What do you need?
- Are you plotting something?
- No, I'm not
plotting anything.
Joyce, you handle editorial.
I'll handle the business, okay?
- This is business?
- Yes, this is business.
I've been dealing
with politicians for 15 years.
They come, and they go.
I'm still here.
- Yeah, which is
a miracle, frankly.
What, are you gonna
kidnap some scouts
or steal their cookies?
So you heard about that?
- Yes.
- Look, I don't steal, Joyce...
- From people
who don't deserve it, okay?
- What I'm trying
to do is real,
and it's hard,
and there are no shortcuts.
I can see I came to
the wrong place for any help.
- That's enough, okay?
How about this?
Do your fucking job,
and I'll do mine.
- Okay, we'll see about that.
- We're good, gentlemen.
- Spasibo.
My Svetlana will love these.
- Pozhaluysta.
- Okay, girls.
Your attention, please.
I know these aren't real,
but if there's one thing
scouts know how to do,
it's improvise and stay chaste.
- Councilwoman Westbury.
Hello.
Hi, I am Joyce Prigger.
I am a big admirer of yours,
ever since you ran
for school board in '65.
- Oh, well, I couldn't just
sit back and watch them
teach our kids Salinger,
now, could I?
- Certainly not, no.
Um, but you,
you're an inspiration--
the way you've been able
to balance raising a family
with a career.
I mean,
the first city councilwoman
in all of Southern California.
You're a pioneer.
- Oh, well,
I have a bottomless can
of Folgers and a crackerjack
all-female staff.
Are you looking
to get into politics?
- Oh, uh, no, um, no,
I'm just--I'm actually here
to, um, return these
with apologies
from Doug Renetti.
Okay, well, it seems like you
two got off on the wrong foot.
- Mm-hmm. Marian, be a lamb
and, um, distribute these
and, uh, organize the girls.
- Ja, fraulein.
- Apologies for my daughter.
She has a unique
sense of humor.
- Yeah.
Um, I think you got the wrong
impression of Bottom Dollar,
and even of Doug Renetti,
actually, because,
look, I know he can be a little
rough around the edges,
but you know what?
He was the only one
who would take a chance
on publishing my magazine.
It's a road map for
the next generation of women,
for girls like yours who
will redefine what's possible.
- Really?
What kind of articles are
in this magazine of yours?
- Oh, well,
important topics, you know--
uh, Title IX, ERA.
- Mm, mm-hmm. Annabelle!
What do you think
of the ERA?
- I don't want to get drafted
and die in Vietnam.
- Hmm.
- Oh.
- Julie, would you like
to weigh in?
- If I get divorced,
I don't want to pay
my husband alimony.
- Even if he raises the kids
while you
attend medical school?
All right, well,
what about the right
to join a male scout group
if you want to learn
about wood carving
and wilderness survival,
instead of--
- Do you carve a lot of wood?
- No, but I do believe that
I should have the right to.
- This one has a turtleneck.
- I just--I don't know.
It's a lot harder
than it looks.
- Oh, my God.
- Where's the answer key?
- Give that to me!
Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, it--
- Is this your road map?
I'm fairly certain
that leads straight to hell.
- Oh, for Pete's sake,
they're just penises,
minding their own business--
it's silly, and it's fun.
And there's something
to be said
for not taking oneself
so seriously.
- Ah, well, we clearly have
very different ideas
about how to shape the minds
of young women.
And if you've already
aligned yourself
with the likes of Mr. Renetti,
I can assure you that your days
in the San Fernando Valley
are numbered.
Okay, girls,
enough monkey business.
Form up!
Don't dawdle. Let's go.
Now, I want big smiles,
straight spines,
and flat tummies.
Suck it in, Ruth.
- Oh, thank God
you're still here.
Okay.
We have a magazine to make.
- Oh, we?
- Look I am so, so sorry
about today, okay?
You came in
with enthusiasm and ideas,
and I just stole
your joie de vivre.
The truth is,
I am in way over my head
but I have to figure it out.
We have to figure it out,
if not for us, then
for the girls who come next,
because I have seen the future,
and it is terrifying.
- Like you at 4:00 p.m.?
- Oh, scarier.
♪ ♪
- Let's get to work, boss.
- Oh, okay.
Oh, my God.
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I remember ♪
♪ when we first met
we said we'd never part ♪
- ♪ We'd never part ♪
- ♪ Darling,
we both understood that ♪
♪ Everything was good
about you ♪
♪ I can't live without you ♪
♪ Now that we
are broken up, darling ♪
♪ My life is nothing
without you ♪
- ♪ We... ♪
- This layout, was it Curt?
- Richie.
It's not just photography.
He has a real eye for design.
- Great.
The game is new.
- It's fun.
Bambi's fun.
- She loves her mix and match.
Look, I don't know
how you did it,
but this is the best version
of this rag I've seen so far.
- Right?
Yeah, it really
came together.
- Ah, even Samantha Shortcake
got a piece in it.
- Samantha Short is
a nom de plume
I will use very proudly.
- Great, good stuff.
♪ ♪
- You know, Doug,
in your own way...
you're actually
a really good boss.
I just--I want to say thank you
for giving "Minx" a chance.
- Are you trying to get
in my pants, Prigger?
'Cause I don't put out
in the office anymore.
- Okay.
- I learned that lesson
many times.
Oh, by the way,
I love the new headlines.
They're punchy
and understandable,
which I didn't know
you could be.
Good work.
♪ ♪
- Tommy!
- It was Bobby.
- Yeah, was it?
That was my grandmother's owl!
Turn it down!
Okay, the Hendersons
have their own TV.
They don't want to hear ours.
Jesus Christ!
Do you know why babies come out
looking like the dad?
It's some, like,
evolutionary thing,
so men won't eat their young.
But was does biology do
for the moms, Joyce?
- I have
kind of a crazy idea.
- Oh, no.
I already tried Quaaludes.
- No, what if you came
to work for "Minx"?
I mean, mornings
or a few times a week,
whatever's good for you.
- What, because yesterday
went so well?
- Okay.
I know I was not at my best.
- You know, just because
people can't do what you do
doesn't mean
they can't do something.
- See, yeah, that right there,
that's what I need.
You're so good with Bambi
and Tina and Richie.
It's--and you've
always been funnier than me.
- Low bar.
- Okay, thank you.
I mean,
when you think about it,
making a magazine
isn't entirely different
from making a meatloaf.
Oh, my God.
Jesus, Tommy!
- Oh, no, that's Bobby.
His anus is bluer.
- Okay, you really, really
need to get out of your house.
- Hey, Barb.
Yeah, give me a Maker's
and a banana daiquiri.
- Sure thing, baby cakes.
- Thanks.
You seen "Minx"?
- Looks good, bumpy ride.
- Yeah, kid pulled it off.
It's great.
- Barely.
But bought us 24 to 36 hours.
- Well, it looks like
we won't be getting that jet
until next year, huh?
♪ ♪
- Yep, seems our new
councilwoman has a few secrets
of her own.
- I mean, we show her this,
she moves on
to someone else right away.
- Mm-hmm.
- Man...
♪ ♪
How'd you get this?
I had a favor to call in,
and I used it.
That's all you need to know.
- Great.
♪ ♪
Put that somewhere
where I can't get it.
- Here you go, hon.
- Hey, do me a favor.
Stay straight.
That's how this works.
♪ ♪
- One, two.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Satisfaction ♪
♪ Satisfaction is
what I want ♪
♪ Satisfaction ♪
♪ Satisfaction is what I ♪
♪ I'm tired of being the one
that love passes by ♪
- ♪ I want to be satisfied ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ There's nothing
I won't try ♪
♪ If I could get a chance ♪
♪ Then I would have romance,
if I had it once ♪
♪ 'Cause satisfaction
is what I want ♪
- ♪ Satisfaction ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Satisfaction ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah,
is what I want ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Love is passing ♪
♪ Satisfaction ♪
♪ No one gives you,
what did I do? ♪
- ♪ I didn't do nothing ♪
♪ Don't deserve
the sun coming in ♪
- ♪ If I could get
one chance ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ To prove that I'm worthy,
to be qualified ♪
♪ To have love desired,
if I had a chance ♪
♪ Satisfaction
is what I want ♪
- ♪ I'm just hopin' ♪
- ♪ For your company ♪
- ♪ If I hold on ♪
- ♪ It will surely come... ♪