Minor Adjustments (1995–1996): Season 1, Episode 7 - Everybody's Got a Secret - full transcript
Okay, Darby, the emergency numbers and the number
to the restaurant's on the refrigerator.
Dinner's in the oven.
And keep Trevor away from the microwave.
If he says he needs it for a science project, he's lying.
Got it!
Wait, before you go I've got a question.
Well, it better be a yes or no question.
We were supposed to meet Francine and Dave
at the restaurant ten minutes ago.
Can I go to the movies with Julie this weekend?
- Yes. - Thanks!
Mom, you're gorgeous.
Dad...you can keep her out late. See ya!
Wait!
What movie is it?
Umm, it's a nice
family Thanksgiving movie.
No, it's not. It's scary movie called "The Gobbler."
Ohh, I've seen the previous for that.
"Once the carving starts
the screaming doesn't stop."
The Gobbler.
Nice try, Trevor, but you're too young to see
movies like that. They'll give you nightmares.
- Mom. - Mmm.
Yeah, I saw "Psycho" when I was your age.
I didn't take a shower again until I met your mother.
Hmm, now that's scary.
[scatting]
Goodnight.
[chuckling]
[sighs]
Thanks for babysitting, Darby.
Oh, you're welcome. Oh, by the way
Emma and I were playing hide and go seek
and by accident I sort of knocked over those golf clubs
that you brought Ron for Christmas.
But not to worry. I put the bow back on and hid them again.
Ron doesn't golf. I do.
Bye-bye!
So, my mom finally opens a door
and I just walk right past everybody up to my room.
To this day my parents never asked why I was naked.
[laughing]
Here, dad, take a look at this.
"I Trevor Aimes if allowed to see
"'The Gobbler' do solemnly swear to
"close my eyes whenever there's any
killing, carvin' or eating of flesh."
[laughing]
You got a crumb there.
Can't blame a guy for trying.
- So, how was dinner? - Really nice.
We went to this place called Le Petit Oiseau.
That's French for "Little Bird."
Yeah, I thought it was French
for "This is a stick up."
Stop exaggerating. It wasn't that expensive.
Oh, come on. Dave's my witness.
When you thought he went to the bathroom
he was trying to sell his watch to the waiter.
Right, Dave? Right?
I thought the company was worth the price of the dinner.
Thank you, David.
Aww, a budding relationship.
Makes me sick.
[chuckling]
Look at him. Look at him. All she's got to do is smile at him.
It's like Kryptonite.
[mimicking David] Help me. Losing Gynus.
Must get away before I start hating football.
And liking Meg Ryan romantic comedies.
[laughing]
You know, I could go for some coffee, Ron.
Coming up. Dave!
Thank you!
[exhales deeply]
Trevor, I'll give you five bucks for that sandwich.
Didn't you just get back from dinner?
Yeah, that doesn't mean I ate. Come on!
Thanks!
Well you never want a guy to see you eating
a lot when you're first dating.
Wow! You really like Dave.
Ohh! Oh, I'm sorry. Was that out loud?
Well, you know I think he ahh's you too, Francine.
Really? Oh, I hope so.
You know, I just mentioned Petit Oiseau
in passing last week and there we were.
I mean that's the way he is.
If I told him I like bear meat, there would be a dead grizzly
on my porch tomorrow.
Mmm, this is heavenly. What is it?
Cheese.
I must be starving.
- Francine? - Mmm!
How do you take your coffee?
Cream, two sugars.
Thank you.
Did anyone see where that landed?
[chuckling] Yes, there. Go back..
[scatting]
Nice flowers!
- They're yours. - I know.
I just wanted to hear someone say it.
[giggling] Dave and I are meeting for lunch.
Oh, Dave and I aren't meeting for lunch.
But it was nice of him to send me these to make up for it. Huh?
Yeah. Gosh, the last time I got flowers
it's 'cause my boyfriend thought I was dead.
I'm a very heavy sleeper.
Now you stop telling her she's ugly.
And you...stop telling her she's adopted.
[sighs]
I'll see you next week.
Oh, my God! This is a dream come true.
Ah, you finally got your settlement
from choking on that squeeze cheese?
No!
It's from the Professional Orthodontist Society.
They accepted my application.
It's my first step toward becoming a fellow.
I thought the showering after gym class
and not hiding in the corner was the first step.
Come on, Ron, I'm serious.
This is the most prestigious professional society
that all of orthodontist, getting in means I've arrived.
- This is great. - Uh-huh.
And Friday is the final test.
They're coming for an on-site evaluation.
- Well, good luck to you. - Alright, then.
Let's see. I'll bring in my best dental assistant, Vicky.
All my files and case histories are in great shape.
Then there's my office assistant.
Ooh, yikes!
Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum..
Dum, dum, dum. Uh-uh!
I think we may need a new angel fish.
Ah, Darby, did you get the memo?
No, what memo?
Oh, ah, umm, about tomorrow.
You don't have to be here
because the office is gonna be closed.
Why?
For a very, very special day.
It's-it-it's Universe Appreciation Day.
Yeah, and-and there's a, there's gonna be a big rally downtown.
Free balloons for the kiddies.
- Kenny Loggins! - Ohh!
Well, I guess it's about time the universe had its day.
Ohh. It's long overdue.
So here, why don't you take this, uhh, take the rest
of the day off and I don't know we'll see in a couple of days.
- Okay! Okay, fine. - Okay?
Wow, that was a great movie.
Yeah! My favorite part was when the meat thermometer
popped out of the guy's girlfriend.
[laughing]
Oh, how about when The Gobbler fell
into that pot of boiling gravy?
I bet it wasn't hot enough.
There's gonna be a sequel.
"Gobbler 2. The leftovers!"
You know, it's kinda cool going
to the movies on a weekday.
Yeah, here's your excuse for school tomorrow.
Oh, let's see. What was I out for?
Brain replacement?
That was just the joke. Here's the real one.
Oh, okay.
Constipation?
How about a little dignity?
Whoa, look over there.
It's Francine's boyfriend.
That's not Francine he's kissing.
No, it's not.
Man, that is wrong.
Maybe they're just friends.
We're friends.
Would I do that to you?
Yeah, if you had a death wish.
Francine really likes this guy.
He's busted! I'm telling my dad.
Oh, that's a great idea.
Your opening line should be..
"...You know, a funny thing happened
when I was cutting school today."
I guess I wouldn't get much further than that. Would I?
Eww!
He's sucking that woman's fingers.
Now that's just unsanitary.
[scatting]
Three, four, five!
Ha! Pennsylvania Avenue.
That's mine.
$800, please!
Daddy's only got $500, honey.
Okay, I'll take that.
And your Marvin Gardens.
[laughing]
Your turn.
What's the point?
I've been in jail for most of the game.
Well, you might role doubles and get out.
I don't deserve to get out.
Trevor, what's going on? Usually you like this game.
I just don't have the real estate mobile instinct today.
If you need me I'll be in solitary.
You know, he's been acting funny since he came home.
Maybe he's coming down with something.
[sighs]
One, two, three!
Mediterranean. Ha-ha-ha!
That's mine, little girl.
You owe me two dollars.
[chuckling]
Here's a twenty. Keep the change.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
[lightning crashing]
Hey, mom! Hey, dad!
Why are you all dressed up?
We just got back from Atlantic City.
Francine and Dave got married.
[lightning crashing]
She can't marry him. He's bad.
Did you tell her that?
No.
Well, then shut up and throw some rice at the newlyweds.
[gasps]
(Trevor) 'The Gobbler!'
Don't be silly, Trevor.
That's the groom. Dave!
(all) Hi, Dave!
But, but, he's evil.
By the way, Trev, thanks for not
saying anything to Francine about..
...you know what.
Let's have a party.
[thunder rumbling]
This can't be happenin'.
Oh, this is awful!
Where's Francine?
Francine? Francine?
[intense music]
Oh, no, not the music.
Mmm, that smells good.
[thunder rumbling]
[screaming]
Trevor, let's talk turkey.
I got a bone to pick with you.
To the freezer with my neck and my giblets.
[screaming]
This is all my fault.
(Francine) 'I'd kick your butt if I had any feet.'
[screaming]
[screaming]
Why are you screaming?
You screamed first.
Hey, what's going on out here?
A screaming contest.
It wasn't a screaming contest.
Sore loser!
Trevor, what's wrong? You've been acting really weird.
Did something happen at school?
No. Nothing happened in school.
I know because I'm there every single day.
Well, something must be wrong.
You haven't been eatin'.
I was startin' to get a gut.
Trevor, I wanna know the truth.
And you're not leaving until I get it.
Okay.
My stomach has been botherin' me.
I didn't wanna say anything
because I didn't wanna worry you.
Now, I've gotta go do my homework.
Oh, whoa, what kinda pain is it?
Is it sharp? Dull?
Yeah, it's a sharp, dull pain
that goes away when I do long division.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
I'll call Francine, have her check it out.
No! Because the pain is gone.
And suddenly I'm hungry.
Well, good, how about a turkey sandwich?
[whimpering]
I'm gonna call Francine.
Well, I'm certainly glad Dr. Pike
could spare you for a couple of days.
I must say this is a very impressive resume.
You've worked for seven medical groups, three hospitals--
And four wars.
United States Marine Corps
recon Charlie Company Semper Fi.
Well, uh, there seemed to be a couple of years missing here.
What were you doing between '78 and '82?
That's classified.
Okay!
You know what, tomorrow is a very important day here for us.
Yes, I'm very aware of that.
Dr. William Gerber, head of the Professional
Orthodontic Society will be here at 1100 hours.
I've done all the background research.
Wow!
You're as efficient as Dr. Pike said.
I never sleep, sir.
Ron, if this doesn't impress the head
of the admissions committee, I don't know what will.
Bruce, what you're doing to Darby is wrong.
I know, I know, but this is my shot.
I mean, come on. Look at her.
Looks like somebody ran an air attack on these files.
[chuckling]
I don't know about her.
She offered to arm wrestle me for the last bagel this morning
and when I walked away she called me a wuss.
The office is closed so we can make out in
my uncle's dental chair or in the reception..
...area except..
...then all these people will be staring at us and then..
...kind of be like the bus ride on the way over here.
Ah, yeah, well one more thing.
Uh, my appointment book is a mess.
I can't make any sense out of it.
My other receptionist's a little flaky.
Flaky?
Hi, Darby.
Happy Universe Day!
What's going on here?
Okay. Okay.
I hired a temp receptionist.
No, no, no, no. You-you gotta understand, I-I mean
you know, I have to get into the Orthodontic Society.
I mean, everything has to be in tip-top shape.
Thanks a lot, Uncle Bruce.
Come on, Don.
Enjoy your Universe Day.
- Hi, Dr. Hampton. - Trevor!
Aimes Trevor, Dr. Bailey's office, on the double.
Sir. Yes, sir!
Are you alright, sir?
Yeah, I'm fine. I, uh..
...just don't know if I did a good thing.
It doesn't matter.
As long as they can't trace it back to the President.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I'm happy to say I can't
find a single thing wrong with you.
Well, that's me. Healthy as a horse.
I better giddy on up outta here
so you can get to your next patient.
No, no, no, no. Take your time. You're my last.
Dave and I are doing something special tonight.
So I'm cutting out early.
I'm...playing hooky. Don't tell anybody.
Uhh..
You know, I plan to have a great time
especially now that I know you're okay.
Oh, man. Why'd you have to say that?
What? Does that embarrass you?
I'm sorry, Trevor. But I--
I know, you don't have to say it.
- Bye. - Bye!
I love you.
[thudding]
Now I am starting to feel sick.
What do you mean?
Dr. Bailey..
...this is hard to say.
[sighs]
I saw your boyfriend Dave kiss another woman.
- What? - I'm sorry.
- When did you see him? - When?
Um, I think it was, last night.
Trevor, Dave and I have been together every night
this week from the time I leave this office until..
Let's just say that his evenings are accounted for.
But not his days.
The truth is I saw Dave Wednesday.
At lunch time..
...while I was cutting school.
The day he couldn't make lunch.
I wanted to say somethin' but I didn't
wanna get in trouble for playing hooky.
Dr. Bailey, please don't tell my dad.
Dr. Bailey?
Hey, thanks for telling me.
I know it took a lot.
I won't tell your dad. I promise.
Here you go.
Mmm.
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
Yes, David. You are sorry indeed.
[chopping]
No, no, no, no, no, not now.
What happened to General Patton?
Her reserve unit got called up.
Oof.
That woman made strong coffee.
It was a woman, wasn't it?
What am I supposed to do?
The head of the admissions committee is due here at 1100..
Great. Now she's got me doing it.
I called Darby and asked her to come in.
And she told me to eat something that's..
...well not edible.
Yeah, well, you deserve it after what you did to her.
What? I gave her the day off.
Yeah, so that she wouldn't find out
what you were doing behind her back.
But sometimes people do find out what goes on behind their back.
Like I did from a sweet, decent nine year old boy.
But for his sake, I may have to break a promise to him.
I hope you're happy.
I would be if I knew what the hell you were talking about.
- Darby, what are you doing-- - Shh!
Just saving your hiney.
Oh, Dr. Gerber, this is Dr. Hampton.
Nice to meet you, doctor.
Okay, right this way we're gonna put you in
Dr. Hampton's office and he'll be in in just a moment.
Ah, and you're in for quite a treat this morning.
Our first patient needs a titanium coated
implant to assist in the eruption of cuspid.
Now, I don't know about you
but it's my favorite procedure.
Darby I, uh, I don't know what to say.
Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut
and concentrate on your patients
and don't tell your ball joke. He's wearing a rug.
Right.
Ooh, gotta go.
Francine, can I talk to you?
Damn! Sure, Ron.
I'll see you next week, James. Come on in.
Ron, I really can't stay. I'm kinda busy.
You know, I thought we were friends
but friends don't keep secrets from one another.
Oh, my God. How'd you find out?
I called you last night. I got your voicemail.
"Hi, this is Francine Bailey.
"and your message is very important to me.
"If this is Dave
die, die, die, die, die."
Why didn't you tell me you broke up with Dave?
Dave? Why are we even talking about Dave?
I have something far more important on my mind.
You wanna talk about it?
[sighs] No!
Well, if you change your mind, I'm here.
[sighs] I know.
Because you're very important to me.
Okie-dokie!
You can tell me anything.
Alright. You want me to tell you?
Fine! Oh, damn, this is hard.
Okay, here it is.
Mmm, Trevor cut school.
What? My Trevor?
- Who told you? - He did.
To protect me. You see..
[exhales deeply] When Trevor was cutting school
he saw Dave kissing another woman.
And I-I promised him I wouldn't tell you
but I think I have to for his sake.
I mean, if he makes a habit of cutting school
it could get serious, right?
But if I punish him, he'll know you broke your promise.
There's my dilemma.
Now it is yours. Go with God.
[instrumental music]
And that's our dilemma.
No, it's not. I don't have a dilemma.
He's gonna be grounded so long
he's gonna have to raise his kids in that room.
But, Rachel..
If we punish him for cutting class
we're also punishing him for helping Francine.
And he'll never trust her again.
So what do you want us to do? Just let him get away with it?
[screaming] Help! Help!
Hide me somewhere. The Gobbler's after me. Mom!
Come here, baby, what's wrong? You had a nightmare?
Mommy, it was horrible. I have a confession to make.
I cut school to see "The Gobbler."
And ever since, I've been having these terrible nightmares.
He was gonna make me the Trevor turnovers.
Trevor, cutting school is inexcusable
and you're in deep trouble.
But I can see you're plenty upset now.
So go up to your room and get some rest and..
...we'll talk about your punishment tomorrow.
If you don't mind, can we punish me now?
I wanna put this whole thing behind me.
Alright. How's this?
Since you were man enough to confess, I think you're
man enough to come up with your own punishment.
Really? Okay. Let me think.
I can't believe I'm doing this to myself
but I'm gonna let you two go to the ballet by yourself.
Wrong. We'll give you one more chance to think of a better one.
So why don't you sleep on it and we'll talk about it tomorrow.
Man, this must be a nightmare within a nightmare!
I'm gonna go upstairs, get in bed, and wake up.
[knock on door]
Now, who can that be at this time of night?
Hi, Ron. Rachel.
Now, look, I know what it did to Darby was wrong
but I did not deserve this. Now you guys gotta hide me now!
[knock on door]
Dr. Aimes!
Ma'am!
Where's that cute little dentist fellow?
Come on little buddy.
Your niece Darby told me you have the hots for me.
And that you like to play hard to get.
We gotta get to that air show.
Don't make me track you down.
Because if you do..
...I'm gonna hug ya, I'm gonna squeeze ya, I'm gonna kiss ya..
Let's go!
As you were, folks.
[scatting]
[laughing]
So, how did your date with Norma Schwarzkopf go?
Let me put it to you this way.
The woman's immune to pepper spray.
Well, I guess we're even.
Darby, I'm glad to see you back to your old self.
As much as I like the Taylor Darby.
I think I like this one a lot more.
Me too.
And you know, you really impress the hell out of Dr. Gerber.
I mean, you really did a great job.
Well, I just bit my lip and threw my head back
and drew inspiration from a courageous pioneer of a woman.
Betty Rubble.
Oh, Uncle Bruce, you have mail.
P. O. as professional..
Orthodontist Society. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Okay.
[ripping]
"Dr. Hampton, well our congratulations.
Orthodontic Society accepts you."
Yes. I'm in.
[chuckles] I'm glad, Uncle Bruce.
Oh, what's this?
$30,000 entrance fee.
$300 a month dues.
[scoffs] Oh, please.
Shove that. Cheaper to get a limb replaced.
[scatting]
to the restaurant's on the refrigerator.
Dinner's in the oven.
And keep Trevor away from the microwave.
If he says he needs it for a science project, he's lying.
Got it!
Wait, before you go I've got a question.
Well, it better be a yes or no question.
We were supposed to meet Francine and Dave
at the restaurant ten minutes ago.
Can I go to the movies with Julie this weekend?
- Yes. - Thanks!
Mom, you're gorgeous.
Dad...you can keep her out late. See ya!
Wait!
What movie is it?
Umm, it's a nice
family Thanksgiving movie.
No, it's not. It's scary movie called "The Gobbler."
Ohh, I've seen the previous for that.
"Once the carving starts
the screaming doesn't stop."
The Gobbler.
Nice try, Trevor, but you're too young to see
movies like that. They'll give you nightmares.
- Mom. - Mmm.
Yeah, I saw "Psycho" when I was your age.
I didn't take a shower again until I met your mother.
Hmm, now that's scary.
[scatting]
Goodnight.
[chuckling]
[sighs]
Thanks for babysitting, Darby.
Oh, you're welcome. Oh, by the way
Emma and I were playing hide and go seek
and by accident I sort of knocked over those golf clubs
that you brought Ron for Christmas.
But not to worry. I put the bow back on and hid them again.
Ron doesn't golf. I do.
Bye-bye!
So, my mom finally opens a door
and I just walk right past everybody up to my room.
To this day my parents never asked why I was naked.
[laughing]
Here, dad, take a look at this.
"I Trevor Aimes if allowed to see
"'The Gobbler' do solemnly swear to
"close my eyes whenever there's any
killing, carvin' or eating of flesh."
[laughing]
You got a crumb there.
Can't blame a guy for trying.
- So, how was dinner? - Really nice.
We went to this place called Le Petit Oiseau.
That's French for "Little Bird."
Yeah, I thought it was French
for "This is a stick up."
Stop exaggerating. It wasn't that expensive.
Oh, come on. Dave's my witness.
When you thought he went to the bathroom
he was trying to sell his watch to the waiter.
Right, Dave? Right?
I thought the company was worth the price of the dinner.
Thank you, David.
Aww, a budding relationship.
Makes me sick.
[chuckling]
Look at him. Look at him. All she's got to do is smile at him.
It's like Kryptonite.
[mimicking David] Help me. Losing Gynus.
Must get away before I start hating football.
And liking Meg Ryan romantic comedies.
[laughing]
You know, I could go for some coffee, Ron.
Coming up. Dave!
Thank you!
[exhales deeply]
Trevor, I'll give you five bucks for that sandwich.
Didn't you just get back from dinner?
Yeah, that doesn't mean I ate. Come on!
Thanks!
Well you never want a guy to see you eating
a lot when you're first dating.
Wow! You really like Dave.
Ohh! Oh, I'm sorry. Was that out loud?
Well, you know I think he ahh's you too, Francine.
Really? Oh, I hope so.
You know, I just mentioned Petit Oiseau
in passing last week and there we were.
I mean that's the way he is.
If I told him I like bear meat, there would be a dead grizzly
on my porch tomorrow.
Mmm, this is heavenly. What is it?
Cheese.
I must be starving.
- Francine? - Mmm!
How do you take your coffee?
Cream, two sugars.
Thank you.
Did anyone see where that landed?
[chuckling] Yes, there. Go back..
[scatting]
Nice flowers!
- They're yours. - I know.
I just wanted to hear someone say it.
[giggling] Dave and I are meeting for lunch.
Oh, Dave and I aren't meeting for lunch.
But it was nice of him to send me these to make up for it. Huh?
Yeah. Gosh, the last time I got flowers
it's 'cause my boyfriend thought I was dead.
I'm a very heavy sleeper.
Now you stop telling her she's ugly.
And you...stop telling her she's adopted.
[sighs]
I'll see you next week.
Oh, my God! This is a dream come true.
Ah, you finally got your settlement
from choking on that squeeze cheese?
No!
It's from the Professional Orthodontist Society.
They accepted my application.
It's my first step toward becoming a fellow.
I thought the showering after gym class
and not hiding in the corner was the first step.
Come on, Ron, I'm serious.
This is the most prestigious professional society
that all of orthodontist, getting in means I've arrived.
- This is great. - Uh-huh.
And Friday is the final test.
They're coming for an on-site evaluation.
- Well, good luck to you. - Alright, then.
Let's see. I'll bring in my best dental assistant, Vicky.
All my files and case histories are in great shape.
Then there's my office assistant.
Ooh, yikes!
Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum..
Dum, dum, dum. Uh-uh!
I think we may need a new angel fish.
Ah, Darby, did you get the memo?
No, what memo?
Oh, ah, umm, about tomorrow.
You don't have to be here
because the office is gonna be closed.
Why?
For a very, very special day.
It's-it-it's Universe Appreciation Day.
Yeah, and-and there's a, there's gonna be a big rally downtown.
Free balloons for the kiddies.
- Kenny Loggins! - Ohh!
Well, I guess it's about time the universe had its day.
Ohh. It's long overdue.
So here, why don't you take this, uhh, take the rest
of the day off and I don't know we'll see in a couple of days.
- Okay! Okay, fine. - Okay?
Wow, that was a great movie.
Yeah! My favorite part was when the meat thermometer
popped out of the guy's girlfriend.
[laughing]
Oh, how about when The Gobbler fell
into that pot of boiling gravy?
I bet it wasn't hot enough.
There's gonna be a sequel.
"Gobbler 2. The leftovers!"
You know, it's kinda cool going
to the movies on a weekday.
Yeah, here's your excuse for school tomorrow.
Oh, let's see. What was I out for?
Brain replacement?
That was just the joke. Here's the real one.
Oh, okay.
Constipation?
How about a little dignity?
Whoa, look over there.
It's Francine's boyfriend.
That's not Francine he's kissing.
No, it's not.
Man, that is wrong.
Maybe they're just friends.
We're friends.
Would I do that to you?
Yeah, if you had a death wish.
Francine really likes this guy.
He's busted! I'm telling my dad.
Oh, that's a great idea.
Your opening line should be..
"...You know, a funny thing happened
when I was cutting school today."
I guess I wouldn't get much further than that. Would I?
Eww!
He's sucking that woman's fingers.
Now that's just unsanitary.
[scatting]
Three, four, five!
Ha! Pennsylvania Avenue.
That's mine.
$800, please!
Daddy's only got $500, honey.
Okay, I'll take that.
And your Marvin Gardens.
[laughing]
Your turn.
What's the point?
I've been in jail for most of the game.
Well, you might role doubles and get out.
I don't deserve to get out.
Trevor, what's going on? Usually you like this game.
I just don't have the real estate mobile instinct today.
If you need me I'll be in solitary.
You know, he's been acting funny since he came home.
Maybe he's coming down with something.
[sighs]
One, two, three!
Mediterranean. Ha-ha-ha!
That's mine, little girl.
You owe me two dollars.
[chuckling]
Here's a twenty. Keep the change.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
[lightning crashing]
Hey, mom! Hey, dad!
Why are you all dressed up?
We just got back from Atlantic City.
Francine and Dave got married.
[lightning crashing]
She can't marry him. He's bad.
Did you tell her that?
No.
Well, then shut up and throw some rice at the newlyweds.
[gasps]
(Trevor) 'The Gobbler!'
Don't be silly, Trevor.
That's the groom. Dave!
(all) Hi, Dave!
But, but, he's evil.
By the way, Trev, thanks for not
saying anything to Francine about..
...you know what.
Let's have a party.
[thunder rumbling]
This can't be happenin'.
Oh, this is awful!
Where's Francine?
Francine? Francine?
[intense music]
Oh, no, not the music.
Mmm, that smells good.
[thunder rumbling]
[screaming]
Trevor, let's talk turkey.
I got a bone to pick with you.
To the freezer with my neck and my giblets.
[screaming]
This is all my fault.
(Francine) 'I'd kick your butt if I had any feet.'
[screaming]
[screaming]
Why are you screaming?
You screamed first.
Hey, what's going on out here?
A screaming contest.
It wasn't a screaming contest.
Sore loser!
Trevor, what's wrong? You've been acting really weird.
Did something happen at school?
No. Nothing happened in school.
I know because I'm there every single day.
Well, something must be wrong.
You haven't been eatin'.
I was startin' to get a gut.
Trevor, I wanna know the truth.
And you're not leaving until I get it.
Okay.
My stomach has been botherin' me.
I didn't wanna say anything
because I didn't wanna worry you.
Now, I've gotta go do my homework.
Oh, whoa, what kinda pain is it?
Is it sharp? Dull?
Yeah, it's a sharp, dull pain
that goes away when I do long division.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
I'll call Francine, have her check it out.
No! Because the pain is gone.
And suddenly I'm hungry.
Well, good, how about a turkey sandwich?
[whimpering]
I'm gonna call Francine.
Well, I'm certainly glad Dr. Pike
could spare you for a couple of days.
I must say this is a very impressive resume.
You've worked for seven medical groups, three hospitals--
And four wars.
United States Marine Corps
recon Charlie Company Semper Fi.
Well, uh, there seemed to be a couple of years missing here.
What were you doing between '78 and '82?
That's classified.
Okay!
You know what, tomorrow is a very important day here for us.
Yes, I'm very aware of that.
Dr. William Gerber, head of the Professional
Orthodontic Society will be here at 1100 hours.
I've done all the background research.
Wow!
You're as efficient as Dr. Pike said.
I never sleep, sir.
Ron, if this doesn't impress the head
of the admissions committee, I don't know what will.
Bruce, what you're doing to Darby is wrong.
I know, I know, but this is my shot.
I mean, come on. Look at her.
Looks like somebody ran an air attack on these files.
[chuckling]
I don't know about her.
She offered to arm wrestle me for the last bagel this morning
and when I walked away she called me a wuss.
The office is closed so we can make out in
my uncle's dental chair or in the reception..
...area except..
...then all these people will be staring at us and then..
...kind of be like the bus ride on the way over here.
Ah, yeah, well one more thing.
Uh, my appointment book is a mess.
I can't make any sense out of it.
My other receptionist's a little flaky.
Flaky?
Hi, Darby.
Happy Universe Day!
What's going on here?
Okay. Okay.
I hired a temp receptionist.
No, no, no, no. You-you gotta understand, I-I mean
you know, I have to get into the Orthodontic Society.
I mean, everything has to be in tip-top shape.
Thanks a lot, Uncle Bruce.
Come on, Don.
Enjoy your Universe Day.
- Hi, Dr. Hampton. - Trevor!
Aimes Trevor, Dr. Bailey's office, on the double.
Sir. Yes, sir!
Are you alright, sir?
Yeah, I'm fine. I, uh..
...just don't know if I did a good thing.
It doesn't matter.
As long as they can't trace it back to the President.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I'm happy to say I can't
find a single thing wrong with you.
Well, that's me. Healthy as a horse.
I better giddy on up outta here
so you can get to your next patient.
No, no, no, no. Take your time. You're my last.
Dave and I are doing something special tonight.
So I'm cutting out early.
I'm...playing hooky. Don't tell anybody.
Uhh..
You know, I plan to have a great time
especially now that I know you're okay.
Oh, man. Why'd you have to say that?
What? Does that embarrass you?
I'm sorry, Trevor. But I--
I know, you don't have to say it.
- Bye. - Bye!
I love you.
[thudding]
Now I am starting to feel sick.
What do you mean?
Dr. Bailey..
...this is hard to say.
[sighs]
I saw your boyfriend Dave kiss another woman.
- What? - I'm sorry.
- When did you see him? - When?
Um, I think it was, last night.
Trevor, Dave and I have been together every night
this week from the time I leave this office until..
Let's just say that his evenings are accounted for.
But not his days.
The truth is I saw Dave Wednesday.
At lunch time..
...while I was cutting school.
The day he couldn't make lunch.
I wanted to say somethin' but I didn't
wanna get in trouble for playing hooky.
Dr. Bailey, please don't tell my dad.
Dr. Bailey?
Hey, thanks for telling me.
I know it took a lot.
I won't tell your dad. I promise.
Here you go.
Mmm.
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
Yes, David. You are sorry indeed.
[chopping]
No, no, no, no, no, not now.
What happened to General Patton?
Her reserve unit got called up.
Oof.
That woman made strong coffee.
It was a woman, wasn't it?
What am I supposed to do?
The head of the admissions committee is due here at 1100..
Great. Now she's got me doing it.
I called Darby and asked her to come in.
And she told me to eat something that's..
...well not edible.
Yeah, well, you deserve it after what you did to her.
What? I gave her the day off.
Yeah, so that she wouldn't find out
what you were doing behind her back.
But sometimes people do find out what goes on behind their back.
Like I did from a sweet, decent nine year old boy.
But for his sake, I may have to break a promise to him.
I hope you're happy.
I would be if I knew what the hell you were talking about.
- Darby, what are you doing-- - Shh!
Just saving your hiney.
Oh, Dr. Gerber, this is Dr. Hampton.
Nice to meet you, doctor.
Okay, right this way we're gonna put you in
Dr. Hampton's office and he'll be in in just a moment.
Ah, and you're in for quite a treat this morning.
Our first patient needs a titanium coated
implant to assist in the eruption of cuspid.
Now, I don't know about you
but it's my favorite procedure.
Darby I, uh, I don't know what to say.
Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut
and concentrate on your patients
and don't tell your ball joke. He's wearing a rug.
Right.
Ooh, gotta go.
Francine, can I talk to you?
Damn! Sure, Ron.
I'll see you next week, James. Come on in.
Ron, I really can't stay. I'm kinda busy.
You know, I thought we were friends
but friends don't keep secrets from one another.
Oh, my God. How'd you find out?
I called you last night. I got your voicemail.
"Hi, this is Francine Bailey.
"and your message is very important to me.
"If this is Dave
die, die, die, die, die."
Why didn't you tell me you broke up with Dave?
Dave? Why are we even talking about Dave?
I have something far more important on my mind.
You wanna talk about it?
[sighs] No!
Well, if you change your mind, I'm here.
[sighs] I know.
Because you're very important to me.
Okie-dokie!
You can tell me anything.
Alright. You want me to tell you?
Fine! Oh, damn, this is hard.
Okay, here it is.
Mmm, Trevor cut school.
What? My Trevor?
- Who told you? - He did.
To protect me. You see..
[exhales deeply] When Trevor was cutting school
he saw Dave kissing another woman.
And I-I promised him I wouldn't tell you
but I think I have to for his sake.
I mean, if he makes a habit of cutting school
it could get serious, right?
But if I punish him, he'll know you broke your promise.
There's my dilemma.
Now it is yours. Go with God.
[instrumental music]
And that's our dilemma.
No, it's not. I don't have a dilemma.
He's gonna be grounded so long
he's gonna have to raise his kids in that room.
But, Rachel..
If we punish him for cutting class
we're also punishing him for helping Francine.
And he'll never trust her again.
So what do you want us to do? Just let him get away with it?
[screaming] Help! Help!
Hide me somewhere. The Gobbler's after me. Mom!
Come here, baby, what's wrong? You had a nightmare?
Mommy, it was horrible. I have a confession to make.
I cut school to see "The Gobbler."
And ever since, I've been having these terrible nightmares.
He was gonna make me the Trevor turnovers.
Trevor, cutting school is inexcusable
and you're in deep trouble.
But I can see you're plenty upset now.
So go up to your room and get some rest and..
...we'll talk about your punishment tomorrow.
If you don't mind, can we punish me now?
I wanna put this whole thing behind me.
Alright. How's this?
Since you were man enough to confess, I think you're
man enough to come up with your own punishment.
Really? Okay. Let me think.
I can't believe I'm doing this to myself
but I'm gonna let you two go to the ballet by yourself.
Wrong. We'll give you one more chance to think of a better one.
So why don't you sleep on it and we'll talk about it tomorrow.
Man, this must be a nightmare within a nightmare!
I'm gonna go upstairs, get in bed, and wake up.
[knock on door]
Now, who can that be at this time of night?
Hi, Ron. Rachel.
Now, look, I know what it did to Darby was wrong
but I did not deserve this. Now you guys gotta hide me now!
[knock on door]
Dr. Aimes!
Ma'am!
Where's that cute little dentist fellow?
Come on little buddy.
Your niece Darby told me you have the hots for me.
And that you like to play hard to get.
We gotta get to that air show.
Don't make me track you down.
Because if you do..
...I'm gonna hug ya, I'm gonna squeeze ya, I'm gonna kiss ya..
Let's go!
As you were, folks.
[scatting]
[laughing]
So, how did your date with Norma Schwarzkopf go?
Let me put it to you this way.
The woman's immune to pepper spray.
Well, I guess we're even.
Darby, I'm glad to see you back to your old self.
As much as I like the Taylor Darby.
I think I like this one a lot more.
Me too.
And you know, you really impress the hell out of Dr. Gerber.
I mean, you really did a great job.
Well, I just bit my lip and threw my head back
and drew inspiration from a courageous pioneer of a woman.
Betty Rubble.
Oh, Uncle Bruce, you have mail.
P. O. as professional..
Orthodontist Society. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Okay.
[ripping]
"Dr. Hampton, well our congratulations.
Orthodontic Society accepts you."
Yes. I'm in.
[chuckles] I'm glad, Uncle Bruce.
Oh, what's this?
$30,000 entrance fee.
$300 a month dues.
[scoffs] Oh, please.
Shove that. Cheaper to get a limb replaced.
[scatting]