Minor Adjustments (1995–1996): Season 1, Episode 12 - Make My Day - full transcript
Nobody listens to me.
Nobody pays any attention to me.
I don't know what to do.
You have to speak up for yourself.
Maybe they just don't hear you.
No offense, Kevin, but deep space is louder
than you are.
So...I should be louder?
Well, that's part of it.
What you really need to do is be more assertive.
It's like when I go snorkeling they make you wear this
big, orange life vest with a whistle attached to it.
First time I go snorkeling and I go to blow it
and I hear..
[blows raspberries]
[blows raspberries]
And I'm thinking wait a minute.
That whistle's supposed to save you
it's got to be louder than that.
Say you flew miles out to see a fog sets in
and they have to send a rescue ship looking for you.
[imitating ship horn blaring]
[blows raspberries]
See, that's your problem you're whistle's too small
and nobody can hear you.
Do you understand?
I think so.
Well then the solution's easy.
- It is? - Yes.
We've got to get you..
...a bigger whistle.
Blow this and people will respond.
Go ahead.
[whistle blowing]
Come on you can do better than that, blow it.
Really blow it.
[whistle blowing]
Huh, see, results, Kevin.
False alarm thanks for coming.
No, thank you for reminding me why I don't start everyday
by dunking my breasts into hot coffee.
[scatting]
[theme music]
[scatting]
Goodbye, Noreen. Goodbye, Mr. Wainwright.
'I'll see you next week.'
Hi, I'm Bruce Hampton.
I know who you are, Willard Wainwright
CEO of Synchrodyne.
Synchrodyne
we're big because we care about you.
I was thinking of buying some shares of your company.
Oh goodie, goodie.
I'll tell the board members.
What a creep.
I bet he makes a great CEO.
Hey, listen, Ron, I was thinking of buying some stock
in his company and I thought maybe if you could--
Don't even think it.
What? What-what did you think I was going to suggest that you
use his daughter to get me insider information?
Yes.
Well, since you brought it up, could you?
Bruce, get away from me.
Isn't this time for the small investor to get a leg up?
This system has always favored bigshots
like Willard Wainwright.
They get all the info, all the tips
help a little guy catch a break.
Bruce, you have a Jaguar you have a six figure income
you got a house by the river.
One house, I'm second homeless.
Alright. Somebody call security and have this man thrown out.
Why call security? Derby and I can do it.
Oh, yeah, okay, Uncle Bruce
we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.
Why are we doing this again?
Because Bruce wants me to give him some insider stock
information from one of my patients.
He-he could slip a few helpful hints into her session
she wouldn't think a thing of it.
First, you're a maggot for suggesting that
and a buffoon for thinking Ron would do it.
Want to go to lunch?
What?
You can't take a little criticism?
You're a maggot, a buffoon and a wimp.
Ron, lunch?
Sorry, I'm having lunch with Trevor.
[sighs] I hate to eat alone.
Bruce!
I think you misconstrued what I meant.
I meant you have the determination of a maggot
the good humor of a buffoon
and I'm stuck on wimp.
Alright, I'm buying.
Hey, Trevor, what's wrong?
Carl Horsley did it to me again.
He made me eat dirt.
I thought I settled this when I talked to his parents.
No, it just made him madder.
In fact he quoted you
just before he made me buy my pants back.
Can we move?
No, we can't.
Sure we can. Let's be adventurous.
The government pays people to live in Alaska.
Why not? They say bear meat tastes like chicken.
Come on, Trevor, running away isn't a solution.
Bullies are everywhere.
Maybe it's time you stood up to Carl.
I think you should take Kung Fu lessons.
Really, you think I can learn to beat up Carl?
Kung Fu is not about beating somebody up, it's about
protecting yourself.
What do you know about it?
Well, I'm a big Bruce Lee fan I've seen "Enter The Dragon"
23 times.
Really, I've seen that it's a snooze-fest.
If you want action and adventure from the far east
nothing beats a good "Godzilla" movie.
Oh, come on, you can't compare
Bruce Lee to a giant lizard.
You're calling the king of all monsters
a giant lizard? Ugh, you better step-off.
Hey, I could settle this whole thing.
Oh yeah, how?
Let's talk about me and this and keeping it
from getting it kicked again.
Alright, I'll talk to your mom about letting you take some
martial arts classes.
Did you take any?
Didn't need to, I had Bruce Lee.
Watch.
[grunting]
[thuds]
[scatting]
Mom, mom, guess what?
Dad wants me to learn martial arts.
Martial arts? I don't think so.
So much for Plan A, dad, you're up.
Carl Horsley has been picking on him anymore and he can't
take it anymore.
Hm, so you fellas have decided to beat him up.
Good plan.
Have you considered hiring muscle to do
the actual beating?
- I like that. - Trevor?
We are not going to resort to violence but sometimes
a show of strength is the best way to avoid it.
- Do you believe that? - I do.
And I'll find a teacher who believes it too.
I promise.
Well..
Okay.
Great, I'm going to tell all my friends!
Bye! Or as my Asian brothers say shalom.
[scatting]
Um, Noreen?
You're Willard Wainwright's daughter, right?
I'm Dr. Hampton, an associate of Dr. Aimes.
- How are you? - Okay, I guess.
Good, good how's your father?
- Why? - Ah, I don't know.
Things usually seem to start with the father.
Dr. Aimes and I concur on this point.
Psychology is such a vast field sometimes you..
...well, need to concur.
So, how is your father?
He's happier than I've ever seen him.
But I feel neglected.
[scoffs] Please, who doesn't? How is his business?
You know, sometimes that by itself can tell you a lot
about a person.
Let's play association, okay?
I'll throw a word out to you
and you just say the first thing that comes into your head.
- Okay. - Okay? Alright.
Synchrodyne.
Secret merger.
Dear Lord!
The Bible?
No, no, no, no we're done with that game.
So, um, you say your father is happy over this
little merger?
I wouldn't call it little.
The value of his company is going to triple.
- Triple? - Yeah.
Triple, t-t-that's nice for him.
- Hello, Noreen. - Hi.
Dr. Hampton, may I talk to you for a moment?
- Sure. - This will just take a minute.
Okay.
Were you just trying to get insider stock information?
Ron, we are going to be rich!
[Bruce laughing]
[grunts]
[groaning] What is the matter with you?
I'm including you in my good fortune
she told Synchrodyne is going to triple in value.
Shoot me for trying to get a break in life.
[grunts]
I said shoot me not noodle me!
If you have a conscience you won't act on anything
she told you.
Who's it going to hurt to buy a little stock?
You mark my words, Bruce, if you do it you'll regret it.
Not as much as I regret choosing briefs over boxers this morning.
[scatting]
Ron, we have to talk.
I dropped in on Trevor's karate class today.
They were learning how to flatten someone's nose
with a single blow.
Really, how did Trevor do?
How did he do?
Well, he was just the cutest little killer machine
in the class.
Oh, come on, Trevor's not going to flatten Carl's nose.
Then why should he learn how to do it?
What if he gets attacked by a serial killer?
Part of karate is learning to save your life.
- I know but-- - Just trust me.
Trevor's just learning self-defense.
Don't worry.
Developing confidence and inner peace.
Mom, dad, I did it!
I did my trade of triumph.
I made Carly Horsley cry.
[cheering]
[scatting]
You made Carl Horsely cry?
What did you do to him, Trevor?
I just stood my ground
and I made him back down
humiliated him in front of everyone.
- Wow. - Wow?
What happened to my sweet baby?
Mom, I learned the ways of the street.
In a suburban karate class at the YWCA?
The street isn't a place, mom.
It's a state of mind.
Which street do you think he's on right now?
I don't know but it better have a stop sign on it.
[scatting]
Ron.
I struggled with morality issue last night and I decided
I was going to do the right thing.
Good for you.
I bought me a ton of Synchrodyne stock
and a couple of shares for you, buddy.
I don't want them.
And you can't make yourself feel better by trying to include me
in your shady little deal.
You know, I'm a little tired of your holier than thou attitude.
Do-do you think you're better than me?
Bruce your mother thinks I'm better than you.
[Bruce chuckles]
One time I forget to bring her heart medication!
Look, Ron, you're angry now but I don't want to fight.
You'll get over it, okay?
You wanna know something?
Your capacity for denial is staggering.
Thanks.
You have nice teeth.
Oh, Francine.
I want you to set Ron straight about something.
That Wainwright girl happened to offer me some unsolicited
stock information and Ron wants me to ignore her tip.
Now, what would you do if you were me?
I'd trim my nose hairs.
Then I'd buy the stock.
Why?
Because it's like a forest up there.
No, why would you buy the stock?
Oh, uh, because if I were Bruce I'd need money to compensate
for my pathetic life.
Yeah, thank you, Francine.
Shouldn't you be the airport sniffing luggage?
[door slams]
- Hey. - Hey.
Trevor was sent home from school today for picking fights.
Principal, he said our son's a bully.
What do you have to say for yourself?
The principal is a weenie.
In my office.
I'm not a bully, I just stopped letting bullies
pushing me around.
Trevor stood up for a friend who was being pushed
by a bigger boy.
And the principal sent him home for that?
Not the first time.
It happened twice in one morning?
Three times.
Three confrontations in one morning!
Trevor, it sounds to me like you were looking for trouble.
And one of these times you're going to get hurt.
No, I won't, I'm dangerous.
People don't mess with Lethal Aimes.
You know, I'm thinking of hiring myself out as a bodyguard.
I'll take out an ad in the school paper.
Losing out lunch money
beaten up by girls
I'm Trevor Aimes and I'll fight for you.
That's it we're stopping his lessons.
No, please, don't take them away from me.
I'll do anything you want.
Will you walk away from the next confrontation, no matter what?
Define confrontation.
- Trevor? - Okay.
- Define walk away. - Trevor!
Alright.
I'll walk away but I'll feel like a wimp again.
No, you won't.
Knowing that you can handle yourself will give you
the confidence to walk away with your dignity intact.
Fine, dad, before I leave
would you write that on the seat of my pants so that the guys
chasing me can read it?
[scatting]
Derby, you're okay?
Oh, I'm sorry Uncle Bruce I just have something
on my mind.
Anything I can do to help?
No. Okay.
I was watching "Jerry Springer"
and he had a stripper on who said she wanted
to stop stripping.
Yeah?
Well then, I turned to "Richard Bay"
same exact stripper as "Jerry Springer"
only this time she claims it's her boyfriend
who wants her to stop
and she wants to keep stripping.
Uh-huh.
That is so not fair.
I mean, obviously she's lying.
She's cheapening the whole talk show experience.
Something needs to be done.
Maybe we could write..
Oh, "Opera's" on.
Darby, when is the mother ship coming back for you?
Ron, Ron, I've been thinking about this whole Noreen thing
and how much money I was going to make
I decided to buy that second house.
Bruce, not now.
No, it's a buyers market.
I have my eye in this place in the Poconos.
There's a loft, a koi pond.
Bruce, I mean, not now.
Oh, suddenly you know about real estate.
I'm telling you interest rates have never been lower
and she's right behind me, isn't she?
Dr. Hampton, I don't think you understand what's going on here.
Tell him, Dr. Aimes.
No, I don't think it's appropriate.
I want you to tell him.
Go ahead. Please?
Bruce, she's a compulsive liar.
What?
You-you-you're a compulsive liar?
No.
- You're not? - Yes, I am.
What does that mean?
I just checked the stock report on my computer
Synchrodyne stock is crashing.
No, what-what-what do you mean it's crashing?
[whistling]
- Mushroom cloud. - Out of my way.
Don't worry, the stock is falling because of rumors
that my father is leaving the company.
But when the merger's announced the stock will go
through the roof.
Really, I mean it.
Well, you're lying, I mean
she-she's lying, isn't she?
I don't know, she doesn't lie every time.
Why didn't you tell me about this?
Doctor, patient confidentiality.
It shouldn't count when it some to friends.
Or money, lots and lots of money.
That's the way it is. I'm sorry.
So am I.
I think she's lying this time.
[Bruce scoffs] Great, this-this is just great
so now what should I do?
Keep the stock.
Honest, I wouldn't lie to you
you seem like a really good guy.
Sell, oh, I've got to sell.
[scatting]
Hm..
Something smells good.
It's us, we made oatmeal raisin cookies.
Taste this, daddy.
Why are they so big?
We didn't have raisins so we used prunes.
[Rachel laughing]
Hey, why aren't you at your karate class?
I'm giving up martial arts.
- What? - A deal is a deal.
Why are they so lumpy?
A deal is a deal?
Trevor, you got into a fight?
Yeah, and I thought it would be best if you heard it from me
before the principal.
Prunes?
Cool.
Trevor, do me a favor.
Try to finish the story before the prunes kick in.
Okay.
A new kid cut ahead of me at the drinking fountain
and I didn't do anything because of my promise.
So what's the problem?
Julie told him I could waste him.
He took it as a challenge and he gut punched me.
Then my reflexes took over.
First, I threw up.
Then I hit him back
and we started fighting it wasn't like practice
getting hit for real hurts.
Well, I'm sorry you had to go through that but it seems to me
you learned something.
Yeah, I know never to eat school lasagna before a fight.
And?
Your eyes tear up when you get punched in the nose.
And you learned first hand that when you fight you get hurt.
Regardless if you win or lose.
Sad but true.
- So, did you win? - Ron?
What, it's a guy thing. I want to know.
I can't say anybody won
but when the teacher stopped us
I was just glad it was over.
You know..
I'm not so sure you giving up karate is the best
thing right now.
That's okay.
I don't want to take it anymore.
The thrill is gone.
I want to learn something more useful.
More than peace, confidence and self-defense?
Yeah, I was thinking of drum lessons.
Uh, no, you can't just quit karate
because the thrill is gone.
I think you can practice now in the right spirit
and the discipline will be good for you.
You're going to make me take karate lessons?
Even though I broke my promise to you?
I think so. Ron?
Makes sense to me.
You're the parents.
You call the shots.
May I come in?
Bruce, that's what you say
before you come in.
Oh, the door was open.
Well, it wasn't opened but it was unlocked.
Well, it wasn't unlocked but..
I brought my dental tools.
- You broke into our house. - I didn't want to disturb you.
You were busy like kissing or something..
- I would've let myself out. - What are you doing here?
Well, I sold my Synchrodyne stock at a huge loss yesterday
and today it's going through the roof.
I thought you two might want to gloat.
No, I don't want to gloat but I do want to say
for what you did you got off pretty easy.
Um, that's a good cookie.
- Do you like prunes? - Nah, I'm allergic to them.
I could break out into a rash
scratching, itching drives me crazy.
Well, I got to go.
I got a date.
- Maybe that'll cheer me up. - 'Hm-hmm.'
Why don't you take some cookies with you?
Thanks.
It's just not his day.
[scatting]
[instrumental music]
Good morning, everyone.
Breakfast is served.
Hello, Rudyard, Saul, Isabelle
Talia, Elliot
Hubert.
Tobias, Wilfred, Abigail
and Stinky.
I bought you a new ornament.
If you don't like it throw it out.
Good, I knew you'd like it.
Francine?
Are we talking to the fish?
Yes, now we're talking to a jackass.
Hello, I hate to interrupt
but I-I have to ask Francine a question.
Francine, how'd you like to make a hundred thousand dollars
off a ten grand investment?
- No. - Oh. Why?
Because you're involved.
In all the years I've known you, Bruce
every investment you've ever touched
just turned into manure.
No, I take that back.
There was that one involving farm waste pick up
it was supposed to turn into manure but didn't.
Fine, I was only including you into this sure thing
because you're a colleague but you know what
why don't you forget I mentioned it?
- It's forgotten. - Fine.
I-I resent this.
We-we have a chance to buy stock in a mining company
on the verge of harvesting gold from the ocean floor
using virtually costless geo-thermal distillation.
Bruce, please take this in the generous spirit
in which I offer it.
Get out of my way or I'll debone you.
Hello, fishes.
Well, look..
Francine's keys!
If you don't like them throw them out.
I knew you would like them.
[theme music]
[scatting]
Nobody pays any attention to me.
I don't know what to do.
You have to speak up for yourself.
Maybe they just don't hear you.
No offense, Kevin, but deep space is louder
than you are.
So...I should be louder?
Well, that's part of it.
What you really need to do is be more assertive.
It's like when I go snorkeling they make you wear this
big, orange life vest with a whistle attached to it.
First time I go snorkeling and I go to blow it
and I hear..
[blows raspberries]
[blows raspberries]
And I'm thinking wait a minute.
That whistle's supposed to save you
it's got to be louder than that.
Say you flew miles out to see a fog sets in
and they have to send a rescue ship looking for you.
[imitating ship horn blaring]
[blows raspberries]
See, that's your problem you're whistle's too small
and nobody can hear you.
Do you understand?
I think so.
Well then the solution's easy.
- It is? - Yes.
We've got to get you..
...a bigger whistle.
Blow this and people will respond.
Go ahead.
[whistle blowing]
Come on you can do better than that, blow it.
Really blow it.
[whistle blowing]
Huh, see, results, Kevin.
False alarm thanks for coming.
No, thank you for reminding me why I don't start everyday
by dunking my breasts into hot coffee.
[scatting]
[theme music]
[scatting]
Goodbye, Noreen. Goodbye, Mr. Wainwright.
'I'll see you next week.'
Hi, I'm Bruce Hampton.
I know who you are, Willard Wainwright
CEO of Synchrodyne.
Synchrodyne
we're big because we care about you.
I was thinking of buying some shares of your company.
Oh goodie, goodie.
I'll tell the board members.
What a creep.
I bet he makes a great CEO.
Hey, listen, Ron, I was thinking of buying some stock
in his company and I thought maybe if you could--
Don't even think it.
What? What-what did you think I was going to suggest that you
use his daughter to get me insider information?
Yes.
Well, since you brought it up, could you?
Bruce, get away from me.
Isn't this time for the small investor to get a leg up?
This system has always favored bigshots
like Willard Wainwright.
They get all the info, all the tips
help a little guy catch a break.
Bruce, you have a Jaguar you have a six figure income
you got a house by the river.
One house, I'm second homeless.
Alright. Somebody call security and have this man thrown out.
Why call security? Derby and I can do it.
Oh, yeah, okay, Uncle Bruce
we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.
Why are we doing this again?
Because Bruce wants me to give him some insider stock
information from one of my patients.
He-he could slip a few helpful hints into her session
she wouldn't think a thing of it.
First, you're a maggot for suggesting that
and a buffoon for thinking Ron would do it.
Want to go to lunch?
What?
You can't take a little criticism?
You're a maggot, a buffoon and a wimp.
Ron, lunch?
Sorry, I'm having lunch with Trevor.
[sighs] I hate to eat alone.
Bruce!
I think you misconstrued what I meant.
I meant you have the determination of a maggot
the good humor of a buffoon
and I'm stuck on wimp.
Alright, I'm buying.
Hey, Trevor, what's wrong?
Carl Horsley did it to me again.
He made me eat dirt.
I thought I settled this when I talked to his parents.
No, it just made him madder.
In fact he quoted you
just before he made me buy my pants back.
Can we move?
No, we can't.
Sure we can. Let's be adventurous.
The government pays people to live in Alaska.
Why not? They say bear meat tastes like chicken.
Come on, Trevor, running away isn't a solution.
Bullies are everywhere.
Maybe it's time you stood up to Carl.
I think you should take Kung Fu lessons.
Really, you think I can learn to beat up Carl?
Kung Fu is not about beating somebody up, it's about
protecting yourself.
What do you know about it?
Well, I'm a big Bruce Lee fan I've seen "Enter The Dragon"
23 times.
Really, I've seen that it's a snooze-fest.
If you want action and adventure from the far east
nothing beats a good "Godzilla" movie.
Oh, come on, you can't compare
Bruce Lee to a giant lizard.
You're calling the king of all monsters
a giant lizard? Ugh, you better step-off.
Hey, I could settle this whole thing.
Oh yeah, how?
Let's talk about me and this and keeping it
from getting it kicked again.
Alright, I'll talk to your mom about letting you take some
martial arts classes.
Did you take any?
Didn't need to, I had Bruce Lee.
Watch.
[grunting]
[thuds]
[scatting]
Mom, mom, guess what?
Dad wants me to learn martial arts.
Martial arts? I don't think so.
So much for Plan A, dad, you're up.
Carl Horsley has been picking on him anymore and he can't
take it anymore.
Hm, so you fellas have decided to beat him up.
Good plan.
Have you considered hiring muscle to do
the actual beating?
- I like that. - Trevor?
We are not going to resort to violence but sometimes
a show of strength is the best way to avoid it.
- Do you believe that? - I do.
And I'll find a teacher who believes it too.
I promise.
Well..
Okay.
Great, I'm going to tell all my friends!
Bye! Or as my Asian brothers say shalom.
[scatting]
Um, Noreen?
You're Willard Wainwright's daughter, right?
I'm Dr. Hampton, an associate of Dr. Aimes.
- How are you? - Okay, I guess.
Good, good how's your father?
- Why? - Ah, I don't know.
Things usually seem to start with the father.
Dr. Aimes and I concur on this point.
Psychology is such a vast field sometimes you..
...well, need to concur.
So, how is your father?
He's happier than I've ever seen him.
But I feel neglected.
[scoffs] Please, who doesn't? How is his business?
You know, sometimes that by itself can tell you a lot
about a person.
Let's play association, okay?
I'll throw a word out to you
and you just say the first thing that comes into your head.
- Okay. - Okay? Alright.
Synchrodyne.
Secret merger.
Dear Lord!
The Bible?
No, no, no, no we're done with that game.
So, um, you say your father is happy over this
little merger?
I wouldn't call it little.
The value of his company is going to triple.
- Triple? - Yeah.
Triple, t-t-that's nice for him.
- Hello, Noreen. - Hi.
Dr. Hampton, may I talk to you for a moment?
- Sure. - This will just take a minute.
Okay.
Were you just trying to get insider stock information?
Ron, we are going to be rich!
[Bruce laughing]
[grunts]
[groaning] What is the matter with you?
I'm including you in my good fortune
she told Synchrodyne is going to triple in value.
Shoot me for trying to get a break in life.
[grunts]
I said shoot me not noodle me!
If you have a conscience you won't act on anything
she told you.
Who's it going to hurt to buy a little stock?
You mark my words, Bruce, if you do it you'll regret it.
Not as much as I regret choosing briefs over boxers this morning.
[scatting]
Ron, we have to talk.
I dropped in on Trevor's karate class today.
They were learning how to flatten someone's nose
with a single blow.
Really, how did Trevor do?
How did he do?
Well, he was just the cutest little killer machine
in the class.
Oh, come on, Trevor's not going to flatten Carl's nose.
Then why should he learn how to do it?
What if he gets attacked by a serial killer?
Part of karate is learning to save your life.
- I know but-- - Just trust me.
Trevor's just learning self-defense.
Don't worry.
Developing confidence and inner peace.
Mom, dad, I did it!
I did my trade of triumph.
I made Carly Horsley cry.
[cheering]
[scatting]
You made Carl Horsely cry?
What did you do to him, Trevor?
I just stood my ground
and I made him back down
humiliated him in front of everyone.
- Wow. - Wow?
What happened to my sweet baby?
Mom, I learned the ways of the street.
In a suburban karate class at the YWCA?
The street isn't a place, mom.
It's a state of mind.
Which street do you think he's on right now?
I don't know but it better have a stop sign on it.
[scatting]
Ron.
I struggled with morality issue last night and I decided
I was going to do the right thing.
Good for you.
I bought me a ton of Synchrodyne stock
and a couple of shares for you, buddy.
I don't want them.
And you can't make yourself feel better by trying to include me
in your shady little deal.
You know, I'm a little tired of your holier than thou attitude.
Do-do you think you're better than me?
Bruce your mother thinks I'm better than you.
[Bruce chuckles]
One time I forget to bring her heart medication!
Look, Ron, you're angry now but I don't want to fight.
You'll get over it, okay?
You wanna know something?
Your capacity for denial is staggering.
Thanks.
You have nice teeth.
Oh, Francine.
I want you to set Ron straight about something.
That Wainwright girl happened to offer me some unsolicited
stock information and Ron wants me to ignore her tip.
Now, what would you do if you were me?
I'd trim my nose hairs.
Then I'd buy the stock.
Why?
Because it's like a forest up there.
No, why would you buy the stock?
Oh, uh, because if I were Bruce I'd need money to compensate
for my pathetic life.
Yeah, thank you, Francine.
Shouldn't you be the airport sniffing luggage?
[door slams]
- Hey. - Hey.
Trevor was sent home from school today for picking fights.
Principal, he said our son's a bully.
What do you have to say for yourself?
The principal is a weenie.
In my office.
I'm not a bully, I just stopped letting bullies
pushing me around.
Trevor stood up for a friend who was being pushed
by a bigger boy.
And the principal sent him home for that?
Not the first time.
It happened twice in one morning?
Three times.
Three confrontations in one morning!
Trevor, it sounds to me like you were looking for trouble.
And one of these times you're going to get hurt.
No, I won't, I'm dangerous.
People don't mess with Lethal Aimes.
You know, I'm thinking of hiring myself out as a bodyguard.
I'll take out an ad in the school paper.
Losing out lunch money
beaten up by girls
I'm Trevor Aimes and I'll fight for you.
That's it we're stopping his lessons.
No, please, don't take them away from me.
I'll do anything you want.
Will you walk away from the next confrontation, no matter what?
Define confrontation.
- Trevor? - Okay.
- Define walk away. - Trevor!
Alright.
I'll walk away but I'll feel like a wimp again.
No, you won't.
Knowing that you can handle yourself will give you
the confidence to walk away with your dignity intact.
Fine, dad, before I leave
would you write that on the seat of my pants so that the guys
chasing me can read it?
[scatting]
Derby, you're okay?
Oh, I'm sorry Uncle Bruce I just have something
on my mind.
Anything I can do to help?
No. Okay.
I was watching "Jerry Springer"
and he had a stripper on who said she wanted
to stop stripping.
Yeah?
Well then, I turned to "Richard Bay"
same exact stripper as "Jerry Springer"
only this time she claims it's her boyfriend
who wants her to stop
and she wants to keep stripping.
Uh-huh.
That is so not fair.
I mean, obviously she's lying.
She's cheapening the whole talk show experience.
Something needs to be done.
Maybe we could write..
Oh, "Opera's" on.
Darby, when is the mother ship coming back for you?
Ron, Ron, I've been thinking about this whole Noreen thing
and how much money I was going to make
I decided to buy that second house.
Bruce, not now.
No, it's a buyers market.
I have my eye in this place in the Poconos.
There's a loft, a koi pond.
Bruce, I mean, not now.
Oh, suddenly you know about real estate.
I'm telling you interest rates have never been lower
and she's right behind me, isn't she?
Dr. Hampton, I don't think you understand what's going on here.
Tell him, Dr. Aimes.
No, I don't think it's appropriate.
I want you to tell him.
Go ahead. Please?
Bruce, she's a compulsive liar.
What?
You-you-you're a compulsive liar?
No.
- You're not? - Yes, I am.
What does that mean?
I just checked the stock report on my computer
Synchrodyne stock is crashing.
No, what-what-what do you mean it's crashing?
[whistling]
- Mushroom cloud. - Out of my way.
Don't worry, the stock is falling because of rumors
that my father is leaving the company.
But when the merger's announced the stock will go
through the roof.
Really, I mean it.
Well, you're lying, I mean
she-she's lying, isn't she?
I don't know, she doesn't lie every time.
Why didn't you tell me about this?
Doctor, patient confidentiality.
It shouldn't count when it some to friends.
Or money, lots and lots of money.
That's the way it is. I'm sorry.
So am I.
I think she's lying this time.
[Bruce scoffs] Great, this-this is just great
so now what should I do?
Keep the stock.
Honest, I wouldn't lie to you
you seem like a really good guy.
Sell, oh, I've got to sell.
[scatting]
Hm..
Something smells good.
It's us, we made oatmeal raisin cookies.
Taste this, daddy.
Why are they so big?
We didn't have raisins so we used prunes.
[Rachel laughing]
Hey, why aren't you at your karate class?
I'm giving up martial arts.
- What? - A deal is a deal.
Why are they so lumpy?
A deal is a deal?
Trevor, you got into a fight?
Yeah, and I thought it would be best if you heard it from me
before the principal.
Prunes?
Cool.
Trevor, do me a favor.
Try to finish the story before the prunes kick in.
Okay.
A new kid cut ahead of me at the drinking fountain
and I didn't do anything because of my promise.
So what's the problem?
Julie told him I could waste him.
He took it as a challenge and he gut punched me.
Then my reflexes took over.
First, I threw up.
Then I hit him back
and we started fighting it wasn't like practice
getting hit for real hurts.
Well, I'm sorry you had to go through that but it seems to me
you learned something.
Yeah, I know never to eat school lasagna before a fight.
And?
Your eyes tear up when you get punched in the nose.
And you learned first hand that when you fight you get hurt.
Regardless if you win or lose.
Sad but true.
- So, did you win? - Ron?
What, it's a guy thing. I want to know.
I can't say anybody won
but when the teacher stopped us
I was just glad it was over.
You know..
I'm not so sure you giving up karate is the best
thing right now.
That's okay.
I don't want to take it anymore.
The thrill is gone.
I want to learn something more useful.
More than peace, confidence and self-defense?
Yeah, I was thinking of drum lessons.
Uh, no, you can't just quit karate
because the thrill is gone.
I think you can practice now in the right spirit
and the discipline will be good for you.
You're going to make me take karate lessons?
Even though I broke my promise to you?
I think so. Ron?
Makes sense to me.
You're the parents.
You call the shots.
May I come in?
Bruce, that's what you say
before you come in.
Oh, the door was open.
Well, it wasn't opened but it was unlocked.
Well, it wasn't unlocked but..
I brought my dental tools.
- You broke into our house. - I didn't want to disturb you.
You were busy like kissing or something..
- I would've let myself out. - What are you doing here?
Well, I sold my Synchrodyne stock at a huge loss yesterday
and today it's going through the roof.
I thought you two might want to gloat.
No, I don't want to gloat but I do want to say
for what you did you got off pretty easy.
Um, that's a good cookie.
- Do you like prunes? - Nah, I'm allergic to them.
I could break out into a rash
scratching, itching drives me crazy.
Well, I got to go.
I got a date.
- Maybe that'll cheer me up. - 'Hm-hmm.'
Why don't you take some cookies with you?
Thanks.
It's just not his day.
[scatting]
[instrumental music]
Good morning, everyone.
Breakfast is served.
Hello, Rudyard, Saul, Isabelle
Talia, Elliot
Hubert.
Tobias, Wilfred, Abigail
and Stinky.
I bought you a new ornament.
If you don't like it throw it out.
Good, I knew you'd like it.
Francine?
Are we talking to the fish?
Yes, now we're talking to a jackass.
Hello, I hate to interrupt
but I-I have to ask Francine a question.
Francine, how'd you like to make a hundred thousand dollars
off a ten grand investment?
- No. - Oh. Why?
Because you're involved.
In all the years I've known you, Bruce
every investment you've ever touched
just turned into manure.
No, I take that back.
There was that one involving farm waste pick up
it was supposed to turn into manure but didn't.
Fine, I was only including you into this sure thing
because you're a colleague but you know what
why don't you forget I mentioned it?
- It's forgotten. - Fine.
I-I resent this.
We-we have a chance to buy stock in a mining company
on the verge of harvesting gold from the ocean floor
using virtually costless geo-thermal distillation.
Bruce, please take this in the generous spirit
in which I offer it.
Get out of my way or I'll debone you.
Hello, fishes.
Well, look..
Francine's keys!
If you don't like them throw them out.
I knew you would like them.
[theme music]
[scatting]