Minor Adjustments (1995–1996): Season 1, Episode 11 - A Fish Story - full transcript
Really, I try not to be a bully.
But once you have a rep, people sort of expect it from you.
Probably geeks is a tough habit to break.
But you gotta try.
Yeah, you might be strong enough to beat up the other kids
but are you strong enough to stop?
Hey, pal, you saying I'm weak?
That's it! You, me, outside, right now!
Get real, Nick. Holding back is tough.
I wanna see you do the tough thing.
Hey, I'm pretty tough. This morning I picked a scab.
That's not tough.
It was off the principal's arm.
Okay, you're tough.
Let's try an experiment.
You're at lunch and I'm the new kid in school
Poindexter C Thermopolis.
Greetings, fellow earth creature.
I'm new in school. May I eat my lunch with you?
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
This Tang tastes really great.
Did you watch "Star Trek" last night?
Those tribbles may be cute, but they sure are trouble.
[grunts]
I'm sorry, Dr. Aimes.
Oh, no. I think we made progress this time.
- You think so? - Yeah.
This week you didn't get my lunch money.
[scatting]
[scatting]
[scatting]
Put it in reverse, Trevor.
Man! How do you do that without mirrors?
Mommy!
No, grandpa is not here yet.
And for the last time, you cannot drive
to the end of the driveway to pick him up.
Here, Trevor. You drive.
I don't think so.
Man!
Don't even try.
How do you do that?
Oh, Ron, the garbage disposal's broken.
Perfect timing. Dad will be here any moment.
Your dad just retired, the last thing I want him to do
is spend his few days here working.
I gotta give him something to do.
Ron, he's gonna have plenty to do.
Play with the kids, spend time with you.
Yeah, right. He never spends time with me.
He never has, he never will.
Well, if it bothers you, why don't you say something to him?
It's been that way since I was a kid.
- I've learned to live with it. - Fine, whatever.
But will you take a look at the garbage disposal?
Me? You know how handy I am.
Remember, I tried to hammer in that light bulb?
Hello, Lady Aimes.
- Hey, what's up? - Here you go, buddy.
As promised, two 76er tickets.
Hey, these are courtside seats.
- 'Mm-hmm.' - How did you get these?
I'm connected. You know the Minuteman?
You mean, that fat guy with a musket
that runs around like a lunatic every time they score?
Yup. That's my aunt.
These are great. Dad and Trevor are gonna love these.
Dad and Trevor? Aren't you going?
Uh-huh, dad said he wanted to take
Trevor, and we really don't hang out that much.
Hey, at least he visits, my dad hasn't talked to me
since I testified against him.
[car door shuts]
- 'Grandpa's here.' - 'Mm..'
(both) Grandpa!
Look at you guys! Look how big you're getting!
[chuckles] Come on, let me get in the room.
Look at you kids. I feed you, I clothe you.
How come you don't act like this when I come home?
- We see you every day. - Yeah, dad, the thrill is gone.
Hey, dad.
You're looking good, son.
You know, you got a loose step out there.
Well, you can work on that step later.
You're probably exhausted from the trip.
So why don't I get a pillow and put it under the sink
so you can rest your head while you fix the garbage disposal?
I'm not fixing squat anymore.
- Rachel, come here, baby. - Hey, daddy!
[laughs] It's good to see you.
I have a surprise for you.
- Chocolate cake? - How did you..
Ah..
Dr. Bruce Hampton, this is my father, Nathaniel Aimes.
Ah. Pleased to meet you. Ron talks about you all the time.
What? Is my fly open?
[scatting]
- Francine? - Mm-hmm?
- You did it again. - Did what?
Brought in this hazelnut coffee.
It's like sucking down a hot cup of suntan lotion.
No one else in the office likes this stuff.
- Ron likes it. - So do I.
Oh, sure. Who cares what Bruce likes?
Yeah, it's so typical. You are so selfish.
I'm selfish?
Uh, Bruce, uh, do you remember
the gift certificate you gave me for my birthday?
It wasn't enough to buy a hamburger.
Hey, I got you halfway there.
Hi, mom. Hey, guys.
Hi, honey. What are you doing here?
I came to say goodbye.
Billy Ray just got out of prison and we're eloping.
What? Who the hell is Billy Ray?
No one. I just like to see that vein pop.
Oh, Emily.
Mom, I need to talk to you about the father-daughter dance.
- Dad can't make it. - Oh, honey, you're lucky.
Your dad can't dance, he can only slither
and he leaves a trail of slime.
Mom..
[sighs] Sorry.
Oh! Why don't you go to the dance with your grandpa?
I can't ask him to dance. His bones are like chalk.
- I'll be glad to take you. - Yeah, right.
Look, Bruce, if you're thinking about hitting on the teachers
you can forget about it, they're nuns.
That's not why I volunteered.
I think it'd be great to help Emily out.
I also happen to be a terrific dancer.
I graduated from Arthur Murray summa cum laude.
Pch-kaw!
Well, thanks for offering, but, um, I'm sure
we can come up with somebody.
Oh! How about your Uncle Barry?
- He lives in Sri Lanka. - Oh.
- How about me? - Hey.
- How about your Uncle Felix? - Oh..
Come on, mom, now you're just making up names.
Alright, okay. Um..
Oh, I know. I've got a real one.
- Um-- - Yoo-hoo!
- Phil? - Mom, Phil's really creepy.
And anyway, don't you remember, you broke up with him
after he stole all your lingerie?
Ah.
[clears throat] That's not why I broke up with him.
He was always late. Yeah.
I'd love to go with you, Dr. Hampton.
You can pick me up at 8:30.
I'll be there.
[chuckles] Um..
Francine, is that lingerie story true?
Yeah, unfortunately. Why?
Yeah, well, um..
I just bought these from a guy on a street
and I think they may be yours.
Just put 'em in my office, dear.
Okay.
Look, the first person to successfully perform
proper heart surgery was a black man.
And a native Pennsylvanian. Dr. Daniel Hale Williams.
And you can thank brothers and sisters
for all sorts of great things. It's all in there.
Is Barney in there?
Barney's not in here.
You said this was about famous people of color.
Barney is famous and he is purple.
If he's not in there, that's messed up.
[laughing]
I would disconnect it and flush it out
if I knew what the hell it was!
Rotate the blade, adjust the choke.
Wait a minute. This is a lawnmower.
[sighs] Well, just wasted a good quart of oil.
What are you doing? You've been in here for over an hour.
Figured you wanna spend some time with the kids.
Besides, I'm fixing the garbage disposal.
I wanna ask you, but you're not doing this stuff anymore.
Oh, no. I'm not. I decided to fix myself instead.
I'm in touch with my phone psychic.
I'm galvanizing and Tony Robins is teaching me
to release the giant within.
When you retire, you watch a lot of late-night television.
- Is that motor oil? - Oh, no.
That's some, uh, gravy that Rachel fixed last night, so..
Uh, you know, I'm really glad you decided to take it easy. Oh.
Ta-da!
Hey, 76er tickets.
How come there's only two?
When we spoke last week you said it'd be nice
to take Trevor to a game.
I meant you and I take Trevor to a game.
But since there's only two, why don't we go?
Us? You and me?
You know, I'm so glad I spent all that money
on your college education.
Yes, us. I'm not getting any younger.
I think we should spend more time together.
Oh, my God! Dad, you're dying.
Dying? Are you kidding?
I've bought every piece of exercise equipment
on the shopping channel. Check out these buns of steel.
Dad, I'm sure they're lovely, but not gonna do it.
Alright. Suit yourself.
But what do you think about spending more time
with your old man?
I'd love to.
I'm surprised, but I'd really love to.
- You wanna start here? - Oh, nice try.
But I'm sure if the reset button doesn't work
you probably need to call a plumber.
Reset button?
[machine whirring]
But that's enough work for tonight. Let's go to bed.
I got big plans for us tomorrow.
I'm not really tired.
You know, you never want to go to sleep.
Used to have a ton of excuses.
My favorite was, going upstairs gave you insomnia.
[laughs] How would you know?
I was always in bed before you got home.
The monsters under your bed told--
Oh, dad, don't start that again.
There were monsters under your bed with big knives
for teeth, and they would be after you when you--
Oh, come on, dad. That's not funny.
Now I'm not gonna be able to go to sleep.
[screaming]
[scatting]
Ron, can you..
Ron?
Dr. Aimes, you never listen to me!
It's your mother's fault!
[sighs] Francine.
Catching a wee nappy-nap between patients, hm?
I am so exhausted. My father is running me ragged.
We have been to every historical site in Philadelphia.
We even visited the statue of the first cheese steak.
[scoffs]
So you're a little tired, I think it's great
you're spending more time with your dad.
It's not that I'm a little tired, it's weird.
- We never hung out together. - Look, Ron, it's one more day.
Just grin and bear it. When it's over, you'll both be happy.
Oh, it's nice he wants to spend so much time with me
but he's driving me crazy.
I gotta tell you, I'm glad it's coming to an end.
Oh, take a look at my son's office!
[chuckles]
Dad, what are you doing here?
Hey, son, I just came down to give you the good news.
Guess who's staying another week?
[scatting]
[scatting]
- Hey, Darby. - Ah.
I'm gonna stand. How was dance?
It was great. Your uncle is so much fun.
He was the only one in there who could dance.
Oh, let me guess. This is all the other fathers, right?
You know, I think Bruce and my mom would be great together.
- What do you think? - Yeah.
They'd be great.
They'd be just like those couples on "Cops."
You know, he'd be in handcuffs
she'd be in her dirty old bath robe, she'd be screaming
[imitates Francine] Take that bleep and bleep that hair.
No way, you can't take him.
I love him..
You could've held the elevator door for the woman, Bruce.
Hey, look, I don't care how pregnant she was
she could've hustled.
Hey, Em. Oh, uh, I'm sorry, Bruce.
I never thanked you for taking Emily to her dance.
Hey, no problem, I haven't boogied that hard
since papa got his brand-new back. Ha-hey!
[chuckles]
So, honey. What are you doing here?
Bruce told me he loves Gene Kelly.
And "Singing In The Rain" is playing at the Rialto tomorrow.
- So I thought that-- - Emily.
I have been trying to get you to
see that movie for years!
I know. I thought maybe the three of us could go.
- Sounds good. - I don't know.
Come on, I'll buy you some Milk Duds.
How about popcorn? How about the tickets?
- You will? - Yeah.
Can you lend me 20 bucks?
Ah. Okay, okay.
Em, I know what you're trying to do
and it is not gonna work.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Hm.
So, you really a Gene Kelly fan?
- Yup. - Wow.
You work with someone five years, you think you know them.
Ah, don't tell me you're a Gene Kelly fan, too?
Is that a boy or a girl?
Didn't think so.
[scatting]
- Hey, how was the game? - Hey, you should've been there.
We were so close, we could almost smell the sweat.
- Right, son? - Yeah.
We could smell the sweat.
Sweat? Really? I'm so jealous.
Oh, and there's more, Patrick Ewing came in for a layup
and fell right on top of us!
Actually, he fell on Ron.
[chuckles]
Dad tried to make him pay for the beer he spilled.
He wouldn't. So he snapped his jockstrap.
Alright. Who wants to watch a video before bedtime?
- I do! - Alright.
Go and pick one out, and no fighting.
Be a little soft picking it, you can be sure it will be
long, black and white and have subtitles.
Hey, son, after the kids go to sleep
why don't we grab a couple of beers and go play some pool?
- Sure, dad. - Alright.
- Rachel, do me a favor. - What?
Shoot me.
Just shoot me and put me out of my misery.
My father's been by the office every day this week
and when he's not there, he's calling all the time.
My own father's stalking me.
And I think Patrick Ewing broke my thighs.
Are you listening to me?
- No, I'm ignoring you. - Why?
Well, it's either that or I can tell you
you're being ridiculous.
Am I?
We're in the men's room
you know, taking care of business
and dad says to the guy next to him
"This is my boy. We're hanging out."
[laughs]
So what did the guy do?
He got a frightened look on his face
said something in German and got the hell out of there.
Look, Ron, you were upset
when your father wasn't spending time with you
and now you're upset that he is.
I don't think the issue is time.
I think the issue is your father.
You're angry at him and you need to deal with it.
Ronnie, I forgot to tell you, I thought
we'd take Trevor fishing this weekend.
- Fishing? - Yeah, sure. It'd be fun.
Um, dad, there's something I wanna say to you
and I hope you take it in the right spirit.
Me, too, I want you to know this trip has been just great
and I've enjoyed the time we spent together.
What did you wanna say, son?
What time do I have to get up in the morning?
4:30. See you then.
Must feel good, getting it all off your chest.
[scatting]
So, mom, be honest. Do I look rugged?
Outdoorsy, like Brad Pitt in the "River Runs Through It?"
Mm-hmm!
[chuckles] Yes. Trevor, you look exactly like Brad Pitt.
Get real! I'm a short ten-year-old black kid.
Why are you acting crazy?
I've never been up at 4:30 in the morning.
Apparently, this is how I am.
Well, the car is all loaded.
Good morning. What are you doing up?
Well, I just wanted to see three generations of Aimes men
off on their first fishing trip together.
Two. I'm not going.
I fell in the shower and I banged up my knee.
- Now it's starting to swell. - Really?
- Uh-huh. See? - It doesn't look banged.
Oh, it's banged.
Well, son, you take care of that knee. Feel better.
- Trevor, you ready? - Yup.
You got the ice chest packed for what we catch?
You mean, we're not going to just catch and release?
Yup, we're going to catch and release 'em
right into that old frying pan.
Nice hat. You look like Blossom.
[laughs]
[sighs] Boy, am I starved.
Why don't you check the fridge?
I think we're all out of spineless jellyfish.
But there might be some chicken.
Or, um, maybe even a banana.
It's not much, but it's yellow.
Hey, come on. It was the best I could do.
I don't lie well under pressure.
Oh, I don't know.
I bought it.
Uh, look, dad.
I just came back for my tackle box. I'll see you later.
What's taking so long?
Dad, your knee is better. Get ready, we'll wait.
- No, we won't. - Huh?
Dad, please. We need to talk now.
Trevor, come into the kitchen with me.
Oh, man!
I was on my way to a fishing trip with the men in the family.
Now I'm on my way to the kitchen with my mommy.
- You want some Coco Puffs? - Sure, mommy!
Why couldn't you just say you didn't wanna go fishing?
And what was it, the getting up early
the cold, the baiting of the hook?
No, no, that's not it.
Well, what is it?
Okay, dad, I'm-I'm not gonna beat around the bush.
It's-it's-it's that damn Republican Congress.
Ron..
Dad, I'm angry at you.
What are you angry about?
You never spent any time with me when I was a kid.
You-you were never there for me.
- I had to work. - I work, too.
But I still spend time with my kids.
But you don't put in the hours like I did.
I'm angry because I had to bust my butt
instead of being able to spend time with my son.
But I'm trying to make up for it now.
But you can't make up for 20 years in four days.
Why, I can make a start, can't I?
Look, son, since I've retired, I've been able to think about it
and maybe I could've made more time for you.
And I'm sorry.
Well, come on, maybe we can do some of the things
you missed out on doing when you were a kid.
Yeah, right. Like, like what?
Maybe I could build you a fort.
- A fort? - Yeah, sure.
You got some great throw pillows here.
- Dad, I don't know. - Look.
And this coffee table'd make a great drawbridge!
Yeah, you're right.
- Let's build a fort. - Alright, come on.
Come on, old man. Show me what you got.
Alright, put-put them all up there, right up there.
What are you guys doing?
We're building a fort. Come on.
What am I, five years old?
I'm going fishing. Any men wanna join me?
[chuckles]
- Okay. Let's go fishing. - Let's go.
[laughing]
Dad, you gonna bait my hook for me, right?
No, but your ma says only a bear could do it.
Did I mention they're going to be in the boat?
Oh, come on, dad.
And the boxes, the ones with the..
They're gonna swim under the boat.
- Shoot a way in-- - Oh, dad!
[scatting]
You know what, I had a really great time last night
hanging out with you and Emily.
Sure. Whatever.
You know, I-I-I was thinking that this might sound crazy
but did you get the idea that Emily was trying
to fix us up last night?
Now, whatever gave you that idea?
The fact that she insisted on sitting ten rows behind us
during the movie or that she brought us
one milkshake with two straws?
[laughing]
Wow, that Emily is a smart girl, but, uh
me and you together, that's, that's a little unrealistic.
Yeah, that's about as likely
as me eating my own weight in cheese.
[chuckles]
Do you ever think about it, though?
I mean, you know, hypothetically?
Do nightmares count?
Come on, some good could come of it.
Well, it doesn't matter. There is still one big problem.
- What's that? - I find you repulsive.
Likewise. But it has its benefits.
For instance, we could car-pool.
[scoffs]
There are plenty couples that can barely tolerate each other.
Besides, there are other factors here.
We're, we're both at similar places in our lives.
We, uh, we both work with kids.
Emily and I already get along great.
Alright, I admit it. It's not totally ridiculous. You happy?
Hey, there is one simple way to know
if we're meant to be together.
One kiss.
Bruce, you're telling me that if we kiss
we'll be able to tell whether we're meant to be together?
Absolutely.
And if the answer is yes, then, hey, that's great.
And if it's no, we will never speak of this moment again.
- N-no.. - Hey.
Why don't you just-just think of it
as an experiment? Huh?
Alright. What the heck?
- Alright. - Alright.
- Uh.. - Here.
Alright, uh..
Here. Just a second.
Yeah, alright.
- You ready? - Yes.
You know, I have to be honest with you.
I did have a dream about you once.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Was it a good dream? - Yes, but I had a fever.
Let's get this thing going. Come on.
Why did you have to tell me about that dream thing?
I-I'm worried that I'm not gonna live up to your fantasy.
Bruce, just shut up and kiss me.
I just don't want you to have unrealistic
expectations..
- Hm, no. No. - Nothing.
[scatting]
No, Trevor, the fish don't know it was you that caught them.
They're always down because they don't have eyelids.
Rachel, we're home!
Mom!
[chuckles] Hey, guys. How was it?
Fried-flounder for days.
Come on, Lieutenant Aimes, we got some fish to cut.
Whoo! So, Trevor, you had a good time?
Are you kidding? It was awful!
We put that fish into the boat.
He was gasping and flapping all over the place.
He didn't wanna be in that boat.
I didn't wanna be in that boat.
Well, go on upstairs and clean up for dinner.
I don't have to eat those fish, do I?
No, we'll fix you something else.
Great! How about a tuna sandwich?
Trevor, that's fish.
It is?
Oh, man!
Oh, come on. Trevor, it's not so bad.
Hey, Ronnie, I just cut open the stomach.
You wanna see what they ate before they died?
Trevor, wait up!
[laughing]
[scatting]
[scatting]
But once you have a rep, people sort of expect it from you.
Probably geeks is a tough habit to break.
But you gotta try.
Yeah, you might be strong enough to beat up the other kids
but are you strong enough to stop?
Hey, pal, you saying I'm weak?
That's it! You, me, outside, right now!
Get real, Nick. Holding back is tough.
I wanna see you do the tough thing.
Hey, I'm pretty tough. This morning I picked a scab.
That's not tough.
It was off the principal's arm.
Okay, you're tough.
Let's try an experiment.
You're at lunch and I'm the new kid in school
Poindexter C Thermopolis.
Greetings, fellow earth creature.
I'm new in school. May I eat my lunch with you?
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
This Tang tastes really great.
Did you watch "Star Trek" last night?
Those tribbles may be cute, but they sure are trouble.
[grunts]
I'm sorry, Dr. Aimes.
Oh, no. I think we made progress this time.
- You think so? - Yeah.
This week you didn't get my lunch money.
[scatting]
[scatting]
[scatting]
Put it in reverse, Trevor.
Man! How do you do that without mirrors?
Mommy!
No, grandpa is not here yet.
And for the last time, you cannot drive
to the end of the driveway to pick him up.
Here, Trevor. You drive.
I don't think so.
Man!
Don't even try.
How do you do that?
Oh, Ron, the garbage disposal's broken.
Perfect timing. Dad will be here any moment.
Your dad just retired, the last thing I want him to do
is spend his few days here working.
I gotta give him something to do.
Ron, he's gonna have plenty to do.
Play with the kids, spend time with you.
Yeah, right. He never spends time with me.
He never has, he never will.
Well, if it bothers you, why don't you say something to him?
It's been that way since I was a kid.
- I've learned to live with it. - Fine, whatever.
But will you take a look at the garbage disposal?
Me? You know how handy I am.
Remember, I tried to hammer in that light bulb?
Hello, Lady Aimes.
- Hey, what's up? - Here you go, buddy.
As promised, two 76er tickets.
Hey, these are courtside seats.
- 'Mm-hmm.' - How did you get these?
I'm connected. You know the Minuteman?
You mean, that fat guy with a musket
that runs around like a lunatic every time they score?
Yup. That's my aunt.
These are great. Dad and Trevor are gonna love these.
Dad and Trevor? Aren't you going?
Uh-huh, dad said he wanted to take
Trevor, and we really don't hang out that much.
Hey, at least he visits, my dad hasn't talked to me
since I testified against him.
[car door shuts]
- 'Grandpa's here.' - 'Mm..'
(both) Grandpa!
Look at you guys! Look how big you're getting!
[chuckles] Come on, let me get in the room.
Look at you kids. I feed you, I clothe you.
How come you don't act like this when I come home?
- We see you every day. - Yeah, dad, the thrill is gone.
Hey, dad.
You're looking good, son.
You know, you got a loose step out there.
Well, you can work on that step later.
You're probably exhausted from the trip.
So why don't I get a pillow and put it under the sink
so you can rest your head while you fix the garbage disposal?
I'm not fixing squat anymore.
- Rachel, come here, baby. - Hey, daddy!
[laughs] It's good to see you.
I have a surprise for you.
- Chocolate cake? - How did you..
Ah..
Dr. Bruce Hampton, this is my father, Nathaniel Aimes.
Ah. Pleased to meet you. Ron talks about you all the time.
What? Is my fly open?
[scatting]
- Francine? - Mm-hmm?
- You did it again. - Did what?
Brought in this hazelnut coffee.
It's like sucking down a hot cup of suntan lotion.
No one else in the office likes this stuff.
- Ron likes it. - So do I.
Oh, sure. Who cares what Bruce likes?
Yeah, it's so typical. You are so selfish.
I'm selfish?
Uh, Bruce, uh, do you remember
the gift certificate you gave me for my birthday?
It wasn't enough to buy a hamburger.
Hey, I got you halfway there.
Hi, mom. Hey, guys.
Hi, honey. What are you doing here?
I came to say goodbye.
Billy Ray just got out of prison and we're eloping.
What? Who the hell is Billy Ray?
No one. I just like to see that vein pop.
Oh, Emily.
Mom, I need to talk to you about the father-daughter dance.
- Dad can't make it. - Oh, honey, you're lucky.
Your dad can't dance, he can only slither
and he leaves a trail of slime.
Mom..
[sighs] Sorry.
Oh! Why don't you go to the dance with your grandpa?
I can't ask him to dance. His bones are like chalk.
- I'll be glad to take you. - Yeah, right.
Look, Bruce, if you're thinking about hitting on the teachers
you can forget about it, they're nuns.
That's not why I volunteered.
I think it'd be great to help Emily out.
I also happen to be a terrific dancer.
I graduated from Arthur Murray summa cum laude.
Pch-kaw!
Well, thanks for offering, but, um, I'm sure
we can come up with somebody.
Oh! How about your Uncle Barry?
- He lives in Sri Lanka. - Oh.
- How about me? - Hey.
- How about your Uncle Felix? - Oh..
Come on, mom, now you're just making up names.
Alright, okay. Um..
Oh, I know. I've got a real one.
- Um-- - Yoo-hoo!
- Phil? - Mom, Phil's really creepy.
And anyway, don't you remember, you broke up with him
after he stole all your lingerie?
Ah.
[clears throat] That's not why I broke up with him.
He was always late. Yeah.
I'd love to go with you, Dr. Hampton.
You can pick me up at 8:30.
I'll be there.
[chuckles] Um..
Francine, is that lingerie story true?
Yeah, unfortunately. Why?
Yeah, well, um..
I just bought these from a guy on a street
and I think they may be yours.
Just put 'em in my office, dear.
Okay.
Look, the first person to successfully perform
proper heart surgery was a black man.
And a native Pennsylvanian. Dr. Daniel Hale Williams.
And you can thank brothers and sisters
for all sorts of great things. It's all in there.
Is Barney in there?
Barney's not in here.
You said this was about famous people of color.
Barney is famous and he is purple.
If he's not in there, that's messed up.
[laughing]
I would disconnect it and flush it out
if I knew what the hell it was!
Rotate the blade, adjust the choke.
Wait a minute. This is a lawnmower.
[sighs] Well, just wasted a good quart of oil.
What are you doing? You've been in here for over an hour.
Figured you wanna spend some time with the kids.
Besides, I'm fixing the garbage disposal.
I wanna ask you, but you're not doing this stuff anymore.
Oh, no. I'm not. I decided to fix myself instead.
I'm in touch with my phone psychic.
I'm galvanizing and Tony Robins is teaching me
to release the giant within.
When you retire, you watch a lot of late-night television.
- Is that motor oil? - Oh, no.
That's some, uh, gravy that Rachel fixed last night, so..
Uh, you know, I'm really glad you decided to take it easy. Oh.
Ta-da!
Hey, 76er tickets.
How come there's only two?
When we spoke last week you said it'd be nice
to take Trevor to a game.
I meant you and I take Trevor to a game.
But since there's only two, why don't we go?
Us? You and me?
You know, I'm so glad I spent all that money
on your college education.
Yes, us. I'm not getting any younger.
I think we should spend more time together.
Oh, my God! Dad, you're dying.
Dying? Are you kidding?
I've bought every piece of exercise equipment
on the shopping channel. Check out these buns of steel.
Dad, I'm sure they're lovely, but not gonna do it.
Alright. Suit yourself.
But what do you think about spending more time
with your old man?
I'd love to.
I'm surprised, but I'd really love to.
- You wanna start here? - Oh, nice try.
But I'm sure if the reset button doesn't work
you probably need to call a plumber.
Reset button?
[machine whirring]
But that's enough work for tonight. Let's go to bed.
I got big plans for us tomorrow.
I'm not really tired.
You know, you never want to go to sleep.
Used to have a ton of excuses.
My favorite was, going upstairs gave you insomnia.
[laughs] How would you know?
I was always in bed before you got home.
The monsters under your bed told--
Oh, dad, don't start that again.
There were monsters under your bed with big knives
for teeth, and they would be after you when you--
Oh, come on, dad. That's not funny.
Now I'm not gonna be able to go to sleep.
[screaming]
[scatting]
Ron, can you..
Ron?
Dr. Aimes, you never listen to me!
It's your mother's fault!
[sighs] Francine.
Catching a wee nappy-nap between patients, hm?
I am so exhausted. My father is running me ragged.
We have been to every historical site in Philadelphia.
We even visited the statue of the first cheese steak.
[scoffs]
So you're a little tired, I think it's great
you're spending more time with your dad.
It's not that I'm a little tired, it's weird.
- We never hung out together. - Look, Ron, it's one more day.
Just grin and bear it. When it's over, you'll both be happy.
Oh, it's nice he wants to spend so much time with me
but he's driving me crazy.
I gotta tell you, I'm glad it's coming to an end.
Oh, take a look at my son's office!
[chuckles]
Dad, what are you doing here?
Hey, son, I just came down to give you the good news.
Guess who's staying another week?
[scatting]
[scatting]
- Hey, Darby. - Ah.
I'm gonna stand. How was dance?
It was great. Your uncle is so much fun.
He was the only one in there who could dance.
Oh, let me guess. This is all the other fathers, right?
You know, I think Bruce and my mom would be great together.
- What do you think? - Yeah.
They'd be great.
They'd be just like those couples on "Cops."
You know, he'd be in handcuffs
she'd be in her dirty old bath robe, she'd be screaming
[imitates Francine] Take that bleep and bleep that hair.
No way, you can't take him.
I love him..
You could've held the elevator door for the woman, Bruce.
Hey, look, I don't care how pregnant she was
she could've hustled.
Hey, Em. Oh, uh, I'm sorry, Bruce.
I never thanked you for taking Emily to her dance.
Hey, no problem, I haven't boogied that hard
since papa got his brand-new back. Ha-hey!
[chuckles]
So, honey. What are you doing here?
Bruce told me he loves Gene Kelly.
And "Singing In The Rain" is playing at the Rialto tomorrow.
- So I thought that-- - Emily.
I have been trying to get you to
see that movie for years!
I know. I thought maybe the three of us could go.
- Sounds good. - I don't know.
Come on, I'll buy you some Milk Duds.
How about popcorn? How about the tickets?
- You will? - Yeah.
Can you lend me 20 bucks?
Ah. Okay, okay.
Em, I know what you're trying to do
and it is not gonna work.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Hm.
So, you really a Gene Kelly fan?
- Yup. - Wow.
You work with someone five years, you think you know them.
Ah, don't tell me you're a Gene Kelly fan, too?
Is that a boy or a girl?
Didn't think so.
[scatting]
- Hey, how was the game? - Hey, you should've been there.
We were so close, we could almost smell the sweat.
- Right, son? - Yeah.
We could smell the sweat.
Sweat? Really? I'm so jealous.
Oh, and there's more, Patrick Ewing came in for a layup
and fell right on top of us!
Actually, he fell on Ron.
[chuckles]
Dad tried to make him pay for the beer he spilled.
He wouldn't. So he snapped his jockstrap.
Alright. Who wants to watch a video before bedtime?
- I do! - Alright.
Go and pick one out, and no fighting.
Be a little soft picking it, you can be sure it will be
long, black and white and have subtitles.
Hey, son, after the kids go to sleep
why don't we grab a couple of beers and go play some pool?
- Sure, dad. - Alright.
- Rachel, do me a favor. - What?
Shoot me.
Just shoot me and put me out of my misery.
My father's been by the office every day this week
and when he's not there, he's calling all the time.
My own father's stalking me.
And I think Patrick Ewing broke my thighs.
Are you listening to me?
- No, I'm ignoring you. - Why?
Well, it's either that or I can tell you
you're being ridiculous.
Am I?
We're in the men's room
you know, taking care of business
and dad says to the guy next to him
"This is my boy. We're hanging out."
[laughs]
So what did the guy do?
He got a frightened look on his face
said something in German and got the hell out of there.
Look, Ron, you were upset
when your father wasn't spending time with you
and now you're upset that he is.
I don't think the issue is time.
I think the issue is your father.
You're angry at him and you need to deal with it.
Ronnie, I forgot to tell you, I thought
we'd take Trevor fishing this weekend.
- Fishing? - Yeah, sure. It'd be fun.
Um, dad, there's something I wanna say to you
and I hope you take it in the right spirit.
Me, too, I want you to know this trip has been just great
and I've enjoyed the time we spent together.
What did you wanna say, son?
What time do I have to get up in the morning?
4:30. See you then.
Must feel good, getting it all off your chest.
[scatting]
So, mom, be honest. Do I look rugged?
Outdoorsy, like Brad Pitt in the "River Runs Through It?"
Mm-hmm!
[chuckles] Yes. Trevor, you look exactly like Brad Pitt.
Get real! I'm a short ten-year-old black kid.
Why are you acting crazy?
I've never been up at 4:30 in the morning.
Apparently, this is how I am.
Well, the car is all loaded.
Good morning. What are you doing up?
Well, I just wanted to see three generations of Aimes men
off on their first fishing trip together.
Two. I'm not going.
I fell in the shower and I banged up my knee.
- Now it's starting to swell. - Really?
- Uh-huh. See? - It doesn't look banged.
Oh, it's banged.
Well, son, you take care of that knee. Feel better.
- Trevor, you ready? - Yup.
You got the ice chest packed for what we catch?
You mean, we're not going to just catch and release?
Yup, we're going to catch and release 'em
right into that old frying pan.
Nice hat. You look like Blossom.
[laughs]
[sighs] Boy, am I starved.
Why don't you check the fridge?
I think we're all out of spineless jellyfish.
But there might be some chicken.
Or, um, maybe even a banana.
It's not much, but it's yellow.
Hey, come on. It was the best I could do.
I don't lie well under pressure.
Oh, I don't know.
I bought it.
Uh, look, dad.
I just came back for my tackle box. I'll see you later.
What's taking so long?
Dad, your knee is better. Get ready, we'll wait.
- No, we won't. - Huh?
Dad, please. We need to talk now.
Trevor, come into the kitchen with me.
Oh, man!
I was on my way to a fishing trip with the men in the family.
Now I'm on my way to the kitchen with my mommy.
- You want some Coco Puffs? - Sure, mommy!
Why couldn't you just say you didn't wanna go fishing?
And what was it, the getting up early
the cold, the baiting of the hook?
No, no, that's not it.
Well, what is it?
Okay, dad, I'm-I'm not gonna beat around the bush.
It's-it's-it's that damn Republican Congress.
Ron..
Dad, I'm angry at you.
What are you angry about?
You never spent any time with me when I was a kid.
You-you were never there for me.
- I had to work. - I work, too.
But I still spend time with my kids.
But you don't put in the hours like I did.
I'm angry because I had to bust my butt
instead of being able to spend time with my son.
But I'm trying to make up for it now.
But you can't make up for 20 years in four days.
Why, I can make a start, can't I?
Look, son, since I've retired, I've been able to think about it
and maybe I could've made more time for you.
And I'm sorry.
Well, come on, maybe we can do some of the things
you missed out on doing when you were a kid.
Yeah, right. Like, like what?
Maybe I could build you a fort.
- A fort? - Yeah, sure.
You got some great throw pillows here.
- Dad, I don't know. - Look.
And this coffee table'd make a great drawbridge!
Yeah, you're right.
- Let's build a fort. - Alright, come on.
Come on, old man. Show me what you got.
Alright, put-put them all up there, right up there.
What are you guys doing?
We're building a fort. Come on.
What am I, five years old?
I'm going fishing. Any men wanna join me?
[chuckles]
- Okay. Let's go fishing. - Let's go.
[laughing]
Dad, you gonna bait my hook for me, right?
No, but your ma says only a bear could do it.
Did I mention they're going to be in the boat?
Oh, come on, dad.
And the boxes, the ones with the..
They're gonna swim under the boat.
- Shoot a way in-- - Oh, dad!
[scatting]
You know what, I had a really great time last night
hanging out with you and Emily.
Sure. Whatever.
You know, I-I-I was thinking that this might sound crazy
but did you get the idea that Emily was trying
to fix us up last night?
Now, whatever gave you that idea?
The fact that she insisted on sitting ten rows behind us
during the movie or that she brought us
one milkshake with two straws?
[laughing]
Wow, that Emily is a smart girl, but, uh
me and you together, that's, that's a little unrealistic.
Yeah, that's about as likely
as me eating my own weight in cheese.
[chuckles]
Do you ever think about it, though?
I mean, you know, hypothetically?
Do nightmares count?
Come on, some good could come of it.
Well, it doesn't matter. There is still one big problem.
- What's that? - I find you repulsive.
Likewise. But it has its benefits.
For instance, we could car-pool.
[scoffs]
There are plenty couples that can barely tolerate each other.
Besides, there are other factors here.
We're, we're both at similar places in our lives.
We, uh, we both work with kids.
Emily and I already get along great.
Alright, I admit it. It's not totally ridiculous. You happy?
Hey, there is one simple way to know
if we're meant to be together.
One kiss.
Bruce, you're telling me that if we kiss
we'll be able to tell whether we're meant to be together?
Absolutely.
And if the answer is yes, then, hey, that's great.
And if it's no, we will never speak of this moment again.
- N-no.. - Hey.
Why don't you just-just think of it
as an experiment? Huh?
Alright. What the heck?
- Alright. - Alright.
- Uh.. - Here.
Alright, uh..
Here. Just a second.
Yeah, alright.
- You ready? - Yes.
You know, I have to be honest with you.
I did have a dream about you once.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Was it a good dream? - Yes, but I had a fever.
Let's get this thing going. Come on.
Why did you have to tell me about that dream thing?
I-I'm worried that I'm not gonna live up to your fantasy.
Bruce, just shut up and kiss me.
I just don't want you to have unrealistic
expectations..
- Hm, no. No. - Nothing.
[scatting]
No, Trevor, the fish don't know it was you that caught them.
They're always down because they don't have eyelids.
Rachel, we're home!
Mom!
[chuckles] Hey, guys. How was it?
Fried-flounder for days.
Come on, Lieutenant Aimes, we got some fish to cut.
Whoo! So, Trevor, you had a good time?
Are you kidding? It was awful!
We put that fish into the boat.
He was gasping and flapping all over the place.
He didn't wanna be in that boat.
I didn't wanna be in that boat.
Well, go on upstairs and clean up for dinner.
I don't have to eat those fish, do I?
No, we'll fix you something else.
Great! How about a tuna sandwich?
Trevor, that's fish.
It is?
Oh, man!
Oh, come on. Trevor, it's not so bad.
Hey, Ronnie, I just cut open the stomach.
You wanna see what they ate before they died?
Trevor, wait up!
[laughing]
[scatting]
[scatting]