Minor Adjustments (1995–1996): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Ungrateful Dead - full transcript
So, since this is our first session
and it's important that we establish some trust.
Now, I want each of you..
To share one intimate thing that will never leave this room.
Rocky, why don't you go first?
[chuckling] Yeah, right.
You go first.
Alright, um..
I've been thinking about getting a..
...hairpiece.
[chuckling]
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
You ever seen a hairpiece for a brother?
Man, my uncle has one and it's like a Brillo pad on an 8-ball.
[laughing]
Guys, the point of this is that we don't laugh
at each other. We're here to be supportive.
Well, I support you, Dr. Aimes.
I think you need a hairpiece.
[laughing]
Okay, okay, enough about me, Henry..
Why don't you share something personal?
Well, okay, um, last night, I had nothing to do so..
I watched the movie "Little Women."
[laughing]
Oh, I love that movie.
When Beth dies and Joe is right there with her..
Okay, stop!
Henry, are you crying?
Nah, man.
[crying]
I rented "Terms of Endearment" last night.
Oh, man, I love that movie too.
It's okay to cry. I won't think any less of you.
I do!
Alright, Rocky, why don't you share something intimate?
Henry's a wuss!
No, something about yourself.
I think Henry's a wuss!
- Rocky! - Okay.
Well, I feel kinda bad.
'Cause last night, I had to punish my dog.
What did he do?
Caught him cheating at Scrabble.
You play Scrabble with your dog?
Not anymore.
Okay, okay. My turn.
Hmm.
I can't think of anything.
I think that's what my problem is. I don't have any problems.
So, you get along with your parents?
You bastard, I'll cut you!
Okay, cookie break!
[theme music]
[scatting]
[scatting]
- Oh, nice wallet. - Thanks!
I got 'em on sale at Reeboks.
I can't believe all the junk I shoved into this old one.
What are you doing with your grandmother's driver's license?
Works for the movies. I get the senior discount.
Right!
No, it works. Look!
Two seniors for "Showgirls," please.
Darby, I didn't know you were political.
What are you doing with a picture of Bob Dole
in your wallet?
That's my mom.
Well, she's a handsome woman.
You'll be alright, put some water in your eyes.
What happened?
Bruce told Mrs. Gotschel
that her slip was showing
and she spit tobacco in his eyes.
This stuff is worse than mace.
That woman is vile.
Remember all those squirrels that used to
hang around here last summer?
Yeah, well, the janitor thinks that she poisoned their nuts.
Well, she is a witch you know. No? okay.
[clears throat] Last week..
I accidentally cut her off coming out of the parking lot
and then she put a curse on my car.
- A curse? - Mm-hmm.
Ever since my car only goes 20 miles an hour
and I always smell burning rubber
Darby, your driving with the emergency brake on.
The emergency brake. Well, that's a relief.
Here is where you wait for the doctors.
Not in my shop.
Why you swayed me? All over my business.
I wasn't even in your store.
Well, I don't even want you hanging
around there. We've had thefts.
Mrs. Gotschel, Henry is not a thief.
Potential thief. Look how he's dressed.
Henry, wait in my office.
He wouldn't want any of your dresses.
Oh, neither would you, dear.
I don't have anything that would cover that
Mount Rushmore you call a chest.
Hey!
You leave my niece alone.
Ooh...tough guy. I bet you pee sitting down.
You're a bad person.
Look, I don't want any of your demented snaggletooth
runny nose, little crumb catchers
hanging around my store.
- Listen-- - Now, now.
This is a medical office. We're all doctors here.
Doctors? I think I hear ducks.
Quack! Quack! Quack!
You know what you are?
No, what?
Francine, tell her what she is.
I think I can handle this.
You want a piece of me? Bring it on big blue--
- Oh, yeah! - Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
We shouldn't be fighting here. We should be communicating.
Oh, well. As long as we're communicating.
You parked three inches into my parking space.
Alright, good, you've communicated that to me.
Now I'll go down and I'll move my car.
Oh, I'm sorry. You can't. I had it towed.
You what? Why didn't you just ask me to move it?
You didn't get my fax?
Oh, we don't have a fax machine.
Neither do I.
I can't believe this. You better be kidding.
Does Dracula know, you're out of the castle?
I have a fat ass, varicose veins, and cigar breath
and that's all you can come up with? Pathetic!
Yeah, well, they shouldn't have set you free. Really!
[chuckling]
That's better!
[instrumental music]
[men vocalizing]
Ron honey, did you stuff the corn any chance?
Yep, got that all done.
You may have to dig a little bit for the stuffin' though.
When I was inserting it. I was thinking about Mrs. Gotschel.
And I shoved it way up in there.
Wow, she's really getting under your skin. Huh?
Yeah. And I'm mad at myself for letting her.
- I don't know what to do. - Look..
Why don't you start a petition to kick her out?
I'm sure a lot of other people want her out too.
Hey, that's a great idea.
- Beats my other the plan. - What was that?
A leaky boat in a lake full of piranha .
[buzzing]
Emma, will you give me back my..
- Smash your truck. - No way!
Trevor, what are you doing?
We're takin' a joy ride.
I'm went the off road with some honey.
Don't refer to women as honeys.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Chicks hate that.
Trevor!
Oops. My bad!
Oh, my God!
Our pictures came back from our trip to the Grand Canyon?
How could they? You dropped the camera into the Canyon.
I know. That's why I thought you were so surprised.
No, Ron, it's a invitation to a reunion
of the 76th year cheerleaders.
Why are they inviting you?
- I worked with them. - You worked with them?
They're hot. Okay, what'd you do? Their hair?
Their makeup? Sell them shoes?
No, I was one for a very short time.
A chapter in my life I don't wish to be reminded of.
You showed your belly button? Eww. That's gross!
[indistinct]
Trevor! Your mother's an attractive vibrant woman.
But, dad, she's my mom.
Mom's aren't vibrant, they give you lunch money
and wipe your nose.
Belly button? Eww, that's gross!
I'm outta here!
So, are we going to the reunion?
We? I'm not even going.
Oh, come on, honey, I think you'll have a good time.
No, Ron, I'm done with those crazy times.
I'm a mother and a professional woman.
I don't need to be strutting around in a bunch of sequence.
I wouldn't call it a bunch.
I wonder if I could still get in my outfit.
Let's go find out.
No, Ron, come on now.
We have better things to do. Go chop the tomatoes .
Yeah, thanks for reminding me. I got a little distracted.
Okay, here's a question.
When I was a cheerleader, did you take me seriously?
Or were you just like are those guys who like
the tiny little costume and the jumping up and down?
No!
No, what?
No, I'm not gonna answer that.
I might as well jump into a bottomless pit.
Oh, come on. You're bein', you're bein' ridiculous.
Okay!
I took you seriously!
You didn't think I was sexy?
[screaming]
[thudding]
[instrumental music]
[scatting]
Ron, let me help you deal with Mrs. Gotschel.
I've been practicing a new body slam
in my wrestling class. Watch!
Francine!
Please, look, when Mrs. Gotschel gets here. Let me handle it.
You know how the situation deteriorated
when it was all of us.
- Okay. - Hey, Mrs. Gotschel!
And what's the good word for the day?
- Life sucks! - That's two words.
I'm giving you tomorrow's word in advance.
Okay, Aimes. I'm here. What do you want?
Ah, why don't we go into my office?
Watch yourself!
I can hold my arm.
You better or she'll rip them off.
So what is it?
Mrs. Gotschel, I'm a psychologist who prides himself
on his ability to handle conflict resolution.
Delightful, apparently I'm a bitter old broth
who doesn't give a damn.
I have a petition here from people
in the building who want you gone.
Nearly everyone signed it.
Oh, and who are they to judge me?
A jerk! Slut!
Forrest Gump! Crackhead!
Florist! My brother?
Yes!
Yes, the Reverend Gotschel was eager to sign it.
- Why is his name smeared? - He spit on the paper.
He's a wimp. Just like you.
I'd call you a gutless wonder.
But you look like you're in your second trimester.
Why does everything have to deteriorate into an insult?
I think that this negative behavior
is a symptom of something deeper.
Whooo...look at me. I'm a psychologist.
I want to help people.
That's it! I've had it!
Oh, am I upsetting you baldy locks?
Tomorrow morning, I'm going down to the landlord and see
if we can wheel your wide load up outta here.
[laughing] That doesn't bother me.
You know, it probably doesn't.
But I'll tell you what should.
You go home every night to your dreary little apartment
and you sit alone. No one calls.
I bet you don't let your cat out of the house
because you're afraid he probably wouldn't come back.
Hey! Whiskers loves me.
He just has a bad sense of direction.
You think so?
Well, I think you're a lonely, pathetic woman.
Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to pick up my car
from the tow yard.
I'll leave you with... all of your friends.
[instrumental music]
So you really let her have it, huh?
Big time!
Uh-oh! Gotschel is waiting in your office
and she looks as nasty as ever.
If she attacks you play dead.
She'll only eat a fresh kill.
Alright, let's get this over with.
How high are you gonna raise my blood pressure this time?
Mrs. Gotschel?
Oh, my God. I think she's dead.
No, she isn't. She's, uh, just extremely relaxed.
S-s-she can't be dead. I-I don't deal with death.
That's why I became an orthodontist.
Dead people don't need braces.
She is dead!
Now what are we gonna do?
We're doctors. We're gonna snap into action.
I'm gonna run and see if I can get her parking space.
[instrumental music]
[scatting]
Ron, why don't you just go to work?
It might do you some good to return
to the scene of the crime.
- What? - I said..
Why don't you just go to work?
It might do you some good to return
to the scene of the crime.
What?
Ron, I'm talking to you. I'm trying to lighten the mood.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I don't want any food.
[sighs] Look, quit beating yourself up.
Nobody thinks you had anything to do with that woman's death.
Hey, dad, are you going to be on "America's Most Wanted?"
- No. - Trevor!
Mommy, when you were a cheerleader
you look like a really beautiful princess.
In a really cheesy outfit.
Give me that.
What did the rest of your costume look like?
The rest of my costume was hairspray.
Please! Not in front of the baby.
Come on, Emma. "Baywatch" is on.
[chuckling] You know, Ron.
I was thinking it might be fun to go to that reunion.
It'll be great to see a lot of the girls again.
Mrs. Gotschel can't see any girls again
because the maggots are eatin' her eyes out.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
They knew me as 'shakin' bakin'.
Now my nickname is 'Hey, ma.'
I feel out of place.
Mrs. Gotschel's out of place
anywhere but in her coffin.
[Rachel sighs]
Ron, come on. I thought we changed the subject.
I'm sorry. I can't help it.
I made her last moments on earth miserable.
Look, it's not your fault. It was just her time.
I know, I'm overreacting.
You know, this whole thing that you're going through.
It really makes me think about how short life really is.
I'm gonna go to that reunion.
You know, you're absolutely right.
Life is too short.
I'm gonna go turn this around and go out
and do things I've never done.
I'm gonna go run with the bulls and bungee jumping.
And hang glide, I'm gonna go dive with great white sharks.
[door slams]
I'm going to bed, I'm depressed. Can you give me some coco?
[scatting]
I can't believe you're doing this.
Yeah, can't hurt.
Besides he's only giving us an estimate.
He's the best in the business. All my friends use him.
Dr. Bantu, what did you find?
The body is gone.
But the bad spirits are alive and thickened.
Uh, Dr. Bantu that sounds like
an Irish accent. Where are you from, dear?
Hey, do you want to bust me on my accent?
Or you want to get rid of some spirits?
Hey, what's going on? A witch doctor?
Have you people flipped out?
I know I'm having trouble dealing with this
but I'm handling it.
She was just an old woman that passed away. Nothing more.
It's time we all got over this.
Don't go in there, man.
[sighs] She didn't cast any evil spells
she didn't leave any bad spirits behind.
Look I'll even sit in the death seat.
Don't sit there.. Ah!
There, see? I'm fine.
No evil spirits have possessed me, my head can't
spin around, I'm not gonna throw up any green stuff.
I'm fine. So, please shut the door.
I've got some work to catch up on.
[door slams]
Well, you don't care where you parked. Do you?
- Mrs. Gotschel! - Hey, killer, how you doing?
You're, you're dead.
Sure, you'd know, you killed me.
Hey, hey, wait, wait a minute. I didn't kill you but I'm sorry.
Oh, you're sorry. You know how that makes me feel?
Dead!
So, how can I make it up to ya?
Squat like a frog and sing "I Feel Pretty."
Why?
I don't know, it's your hallucination.
I-I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Try.
Mrs. Gotschel, I'm really, really sorry.
Nah, not good enough.
You made my last days on earth miserable
and I am going to haunt you for the rest of your life.
Oh, give me another chance please. I'll do anything.
You better do something fast. I'm burning up here.
So did you end up down?
Yeah, the heats not so bad.
But Hitler's really starting to get on my nerves.
[scatting]
Why do we all have to come to her funeral?
Support. Just support for your friend Ron.
Please I need closure on this.
Thought she didn't have any friends.
Look at all these people.
She looks pretty popular to me.
Ah, there was a slight mix up.
If any of you are here for
the personal power seminar
you should be in room 308.
This is the Gotschel service.
- Hi, baby! - Oh, where's everyone going?
- Rachel, are you alright? - Never been better.
I had such a good time in that reunion.
- Have you been drinking? - How can you tell?
You have the breath that made Milwaukee famous.
Ron, I had such a good time.
I didn't wanna leave but I promised you I'll be here.
I think you meant too good at time.
I took a cab.
Oh, am I talking too loud?
Rachel, shh.
Who died and made you boss?
Oops!
You know, when I go, I don't think I wanna be
put in the ground.
Oh! Me either.
Ron, you wanna be buried or cremated?
I don't know. Surprise me.
This time anyone who has a few kind words
to say about the deceased should do so.
Please be brief. I have three other services waiting.
It was a very good day.
Don't you have any respect for the dead?
Absolutely.
Because of the dead I have two condominiums and a Mercedes.
[clears throat]
Hello, I'm Ron Aimes.
But of course you all know that.
[coughs] I guess I should say something
complimentary about Mrs. Gotschel.
Mrs. Gotschel..
That's a lovely casket you have.
I hope it's as comfortable inside as it is
elegant on the outside.
Hey, listen to me going on and on.
Why don't I give someone else a chance.
- Bruce? - What?
Would you like to say something about Mrs. Gotschel?
No!
Yes, you would.
[sighs]
Oh, God!
[sobbing] I don't wanna die.
I'm scared to die.
When you do... we'll be here for you.
Thank you!
Well, good. There you are. Umm..
How about you, Francine?
[clears throat]
Ahh..
Will everyone please bow their heads
in a moment of silent prayer?
Amen!
- You stole mine. - Shh!
Darby?
[chuckles]
Hi! Okay.
[clears throat]
I expect to pass through life but once.
If therefore there can be any kindness I can show
or any good thing I can do to any fellow being
let me do it now as I shall not pass this way again.
That was very nice, Darby.
- What's it from? - Oh!
It's tattooed on my boyfriend's back.
He has no idea how it got there.
Thank you!
[sighs]
Well, in closing, I'd like to say
that Mrs. Gotschel, wherever you are
that at least today
you know that some people are thinking of you.
And that's about it.
[applauding]
Did I miss the service?
Isn't that Ned the security guard?
Uh, yeah, Ned, you missed it.
Oh, Daisy.
My Daisy!
I'm sorry I'm late.
[sniffles] I didn't make the funeral but
at least I know your last moments were happy.
Oh, I hate to break it to you, Ned, but she died kind of angry.
No, she didn't. She died in my arms.
Ah, she died in my office.
She died in your office... in my arms.
- What? - I panicked.
I didn't know what to do.
So, I got dressed.
I straightened out her clothes
packed up all the liquor..
Propped her up and got the hell outta there.
You and Mrs. Gotschel..
In my office?
Your office, every office.
[bangs] Oh!
We'd been doing it for years.
This is great. You killed her.
Ron!
I mean, this is great
that she died making love.
Ah, I...feel sad for your loss, Ned.
No, no, don't feel sad for me.
I was lucky to be the special man in her life.
Oh, Daisy, my love!
[sobbing]
[theme music]
- Kids asleep? - I think so.
- Are you alright? - I'm feeling better now.
Ooh, baby, baby!
I just wanted to see if I can still fit in it.
[chuckles]
You sure can.
So, did you have fun at the reunion?
Yeah, I was the life of the party.
But it's still a chapter in my life I want closed.
Mmm, that's a chapter I'd be willing to thumb
through any time.
No, I like my new chapters.
- Look at this silly thing. - Oh, I am!
- It's so demeaning. - So demeaning.
- I'll go get outta it. - I'll go help ya.
[scatting]
[theme music]
[scatting]
What are you doing back here?
I lost an earring.
So, did you like what I said about you at the funeral?
Actually, I wasn't there.
I was down the hall, that personal power seminar.
Ned said some pretty nice things about you.
- Ned? - Your lover!
Oh, that news stand guy.
No, the security guard.
Oh, that idiot. You tell him he put my bra on backwards.
Anyway, I gotta go.
- Where are you going? - Back to hell.
I'm scheduled to be on the It's a Small World ride
for the next seven million years. See ya!
[theme music]
[scatting]
[theme music]
[scatting]
and it's important that we establish some trust.
Now, I want each of you..
To share one intimate thing that will never leave this room.
Rocky, why don't you go first?
[chuckling] Yeah, right.
You go first.
Alright, um..
I've been thinking about getting a..
...hairpiece.
[chuckling]
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
You ever seen a hairpiece for a brother?
Man, my uncle has one and it's like a Brillo pad on an 8-ball.
[laughing]
Guys, the point of this is that we don't laugh
at each other. We're here to be supportive.
Well, I support you, Dr. Aimes.
I think you need a hairpiece.
[laughing]
Okay, okay, enough about me, Henry..
Why don't you share something personal?
Well, okay, um, last night, I had nothing to do so..
I watched the movie "Little Women."
[laughing]
Oh, I love that movie.
When Beth dies and Joe is right there with her..
Okay, stop!
Henry, are you crying?
Nah, man.
[crying]
I rented "Terms of Endearment" last night.
Oh, man, I love that movie too.
It's okay to cry. I won't think any less of you.
I do!
Alright, Rocky, why don't you share something intimate?
Henry's a wuss!
No, something about yourself.
I think Henry's a wuss!
- Rocky! - Okay.
Well, I feel kinda bad.
'Cause last night, I had to punish my dog.
What did he do?
Caught him cheating at Scrabble.
You play Scrabble with your dog?
Not anymore.
Okay, okay. My turn.
Hmm.
I can't think of anything.
I think that's what my problem is. I don't have any problems.
So, you get along with your parents?
You bastard, I'll cut you!
Okay, cookie break!
[theme music]
[scatting]
[scatting]
- Oh, nice wallet. - Thanks!
I got 'em on sale at Reeboks.
I can't believe all the junk I shoved into this old one.
What are you doing with your grandmother's driver's license?
Works for the movies. I get the senior discount.
Right!
No, it works. Look!
Two seniors for "Showgirls," please.
Darby, I didn't know you were political.
What are you doing with a picture of Bob Dole
in your wallet?
That's my mom.
Well, she's a handsome woman.
You'll be alright, put some water in your eyes.
What happened?
Bruce told Mrs. Gotschel
that her slip was showing
and she spit tobacco in his eyes.
This stuff is worse than mace.
That woman is vile.
Remember all those squirrels that used to
hang around here last summer?
Yeah, well, the janitor thinks that she poisoned their nuts.
Well, she is a witch you know. No? okay.
[clears throat] Last week..
I accidentally cut her off coming out of the parking lot
and then she put a curse on my car.
- A curse? - Mm-hmm.
Ever since my car only goes 20 miles an hour
and I always smell burning rubber
Darby, your driving with the emergency brake on.
The emergency brake. Well, that's a relief.
Here is where you wait for the doctors.
Not in my shop.
Why you swayed me? All over my business.
I wasn't even in your store.
Well, I don't even want you hanging
around there. We've had thefts.
Mrs. Gotschel, Henry is not a thief.
Potential thief. Look how he's dressed.
Henry, wait in my office.
He wouldn't want any of your dresses.
Oh, neither would you, dear.
I don't have anything that would cover that
Mount Rushmore you call a chest.
Hey!
You leave my niece alone.
Ooh...tough guy. I bet you pee sitting down.
You're a bad person.
Look, I don't want any of your demented snaggletooth
runny nose, little crumb catchers
hanging around my store.
- Listen-- - Now, now.
This is a medical office. We're all doctors here.
Doctors? I think I hear ducks.
Quack! Quack! Quack!
You know what you are?
No, what?
Francine, tell her what she is.
I think I can handle this.
You want a piece of me? Bring it on big blue--
- Oh, yeah! - Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
We shouldn't be fighting here. We should be communicating.
Oh, well. As long as we're communicating.
You parked three inches into my parking space.
Alright, good, you've communicated that to me.
Now I'll go down and I'll move my car.
Oh, I'm sorry. You can't. I had it towed.
You what? Why didn't you just ask me to move it?
You didn't get my fax?
Oh, we don't have a fax machine.
Neither do I.
I can't believe this. You better be kidding.
Does Dracula know, you're out of the castle?
I have a fat ass, varicose veins, and cigar breath
and that's all you can come up with? Pathetic!
Yeah, well, they shouldn't have set you free. Really!
[chuckling]
That's better!
[instrumental music]
[men vocalizing]
Ron honey, did you stuff the corn any chance?
Yep, got that all done.
You may have to dig a little bit for the stuffin' though.
When I was inserting it. I was thinking about Mrs. Gotschel.
And I shoved it way up in there.
Wow, she's really getting under your skin. Huh?
Yeah. And I'm mad at myself for letting her.
- I don't know what to do. - Look..
Why don't you start a petition to kick her out?
I'm sure a lot of other people want her out too.
Hey, that's a great idea.
- Beats my other the plan. - What was that?
A leaky boat in a lake full of piranha .
[buzzing]
Emma, will you give me back my..
- Smash your truck. - No way!
Trevor, what are you doing?
We're takin' a joy ride.
I'm went the off road with some honey.
Don't refer to women as honeys.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Chicks hate that.
Trevor!
Oops. My bad!
Oh, my God!
Our pictures came back from our trip to the Grand Canyon?
How could they? You dropped the camera into the Canyon.
I know. That's why I thought you were so surprised.
No, Ron, it's a invitation to a reunion
of the 76th year cheerleaders.
Why are they inviting you?
- I worked with them. - You worked with them?
They're hot. Okay, what'd you do? Their hair?
Their makeup? Sell them shoes?
No, I was one for a very short time.
A chapter in my life I don't wish to be reminded of.
You showed your belly button? Eww. That's gross!
[indistinct]
Trevor! Your mother's an attractive vibrant woman.
But, dad, she's my mom.
Mom's aren't vibrant, they give you lunch money
and wipe your nose.
Belly button? Eww, that's gross!
I'm outta here!
So, are we going to the reunion?
We? I'm not even going.
Oh, come on, honey, I think you'll have a good time.
No, Ron, I'm done with those crazy times.
I'm a mother and a professional woman.
I don't need to be strutting around in a bunch of sequence.
I wouldn't call it a bunch.
I wonder if I could still get in my outfit.
Let's go find out.
No, Ron, come on now.
We have better things to do. Go chop the tomatoes .
Yeah, thanks for reminding me. I got a little distracted.
Okay, here's a question.
When I was a cheerleader, did you take me seriously?
Or were you just like are those guys who like
the tiny little costume and the jumping up and down?
No!
No, what?
No, I'm not gonna answer that.
I might as well jump into a bottomless pit.
Oh, come on. You're bein', you're bein' ridiculous.
Okay!
I took you seriously!
You didn't think I was sexy?
[screaming]
[thudding]
[instrumental music]
[scatting]
Ron, let me help you deal with Mrs. Gotschel.
I've been practicing a new body slam
in my wrestling class. Watch!
Francine!
Please, look, when Mrs. Gotschel gets here. Let me handle it.
You know how the situation deteriorated
when it was all of us.
- Okay. - Hey, Mrs. Gotschel!
And what's the good word for the day?
- Life sucks! - That's two words.
I'm giving you tomorrow's word in advance.
Okay, Aimes. I'm here. What do you want?
Ah, why don't we go into my office?
Watch yourself!
I can hold my arm.
You better or she'll rip them off.
So what is it?
Mrs. Gotschel, I'm a psychologist who prides himself
on his ability to handle conflict resolution.
Delightful, apparently I'm a bitter old broth
who doesn't give a damn.
I have a petition here from people
in the building who want you gone.
Nearly everyone signed it.
Oh, and who are they to judge me?
A jerk! Slut!
Forrest Gump! Crackhead!
Florist! My brother?
Yes!
Yes, the Reverend Gotschel was eager to sign it.
- Why is his name smeared? - He spit on the paper.
He's a wimp. Just like you.
I'd call you a gutless wonder.
But you look like you're in your second trimester.
Why does everything have to deteriorate into an insult?
I think that this negative behavior
is a symptom of something deeper.
Whooo...look at me. I'm a psychologist.
I want to help people.
That's it! I've had it!
Oh, am I upsetting you baldy locks?
Tomorrow morning, I'm going down to the landlord and see
if we can wheel your wide load up outta here.
[laughing] That doesn't bother me.
You know, it probably doesn't.
But I'll tell you what should.
You go home every night to your dreary little apartment
and you sit alone. No one calls.
I bet you don't let your cat out of the house
because you're afraid he probably wouldn't come back.
Hey! Whiskers loves me.
He just has a bad sense of direction.
You think so?
Well, I think you're a lonely, pathetic woman.
Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to pick up my car
from the tow yard.
I'll leave you with... all of your friends.
[instrumental music]
So you really let her have it, huh?
Big time!
Uh-oh! Gotschel is waiting in your office
and she looks as nasty as ever.
If she attacks you play dead.
She'll only eat a fresh kill.
Alright, let's get this over with.
How high are you gonna raise my blood pressure this time?
Mrs. Gotschel?
Oh, my God. I think she's dead.
No, she isn't. She's, uh, just extremely relaxed.
S-s-she can't be dead. I-I don't deal with death.
That's why I became an orthodontist.
Dead people don't need braces.
She is dead!
Now what are we gonna do?
We're doctors. We're gonna snap into action.
I'm gonna run and see if I can get her parking space.
[instrumental music]
[scatting]
Ron, why don't you just go to work?
It might do you some good to return
to the scene of the crime.
- What? - I said..
Why don't you just go to work?
It might do you some good to return
to the scene of the crime.
What?
Ron, I'm talking to you. I'm trying to lighten the mood.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I don't want any food.
[sighs] Look, quit beating yourself up.
Nobody thinks you had anything to do with that woman's death.
Hey, dad, are you going to be on "America's Most Wanted?"
- No. - Trevor!
Mommy, when you were a cheerleader
you look like a really beautiful princess.
In a really cheesy outfit.
Give me that.
What did the rest of your costume look like?
The rest of my costume was hairspray.
Please! Not in front of the baby.
Come on, Emma. "Baywatch" is on.
[chuckling] You know, Ron.
I was thinking it might be fun to go to that reunion.
It'll be great to see a lot of the girls again.
Mrs. Gotschel can't see any girls again
because the maggots are eatin' her eyes out.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
They knew me as 'shakin' bakin'.
Now my nickname is 'Hey, ma.'
I feel out of place.
Mrs. Gotschel's out of place
anywhere but in her coffin.
[Rachel sighs]
Ron, come on. I thought we changed the subject.
I'm sorry. I can't help it.
I made her last moments on earth miserable.
Look, it's not your fault. It was just her time.
I know, I'm overreacting.
You know, this whole thing that you're going through.
It really makes me think about how short life really is.
I'm gonna go to that reunion.
You know, you're absolutely right.
Life is too short.
I'm gonna go turn this around and go out
and do things I've never done.
I'm gonna go run with the bulls and bungee jumping.
And hang glide, I'm gonna go dive with great white sharks.
[door slams]
I'm going to bed, I'm depressed. Can you give me some coco?
[scatting]
I can't believe you're doing this.
Yeah, can't hurt.
Besides he's only giving us an estimate.
He's the best in the business. All my friends use him.
Dr. Bantu, what did you find?
The body is gone.
But the bad spirits are alive and thickened.
Uh, Dr. Bantu that sounds like
an Irish accent. Where are you from, dear?
Hey, do you want to bust me on my accent?
Or you want to get rid of some spirits?
Hey, what's going on? A witch doctor?
Have you people flipped out?
I know I'm having trouble dealing with this
but I'm handling it.
She was just an old woman that passed away. Nothing more.
It's time we all got over this.
Don't go in there, man.
[sighs] She didn't cast any evil spells
she didn't leave any bad spirits behind.
Look I'll even sit in the death seat.
Don't sit there.. Ah!
There, see? I'm fine.
No evil spirits have possessed me, my head can't
spin around, I'm not gonna throw up any green stuff.
I'm fine. So, please shut the door.
I've got some work to catch up on.
[door slams]
Well, you don't care where you parked. Do you?
- Mrs. Gotschel! - Hey, killer, how you doing?
You're, you're dead.
Sure, you'd know, you killed me.
Hey, hey, wait, wait a minute. I didn't kill you but I'm sorry.
Oh, you're sorry. You know how that makes me feel?
Dead!
So, how can I make it up to ya?
Squat like a frog and sing "I Feel Pretty."
Why?
I don't know, it's your hallucination.
I-I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Try.
Mrs. Gotschel, I'm really, really sorry.
Nah, not good enough.
You made my last days on earth miserable
and I am going to haunt you for the rest of your life.
Oh, give me another chance please. I'll do anything.
You better do something fast. I'm burning up here.
So did you end up down?
Yeah, the heats not so bad.
But Hitler's really starting to get on my nerves.
[scatting]
Why do we all have to come to her funeral?
Support. Just support for your friend Ron.
Please I need closure on this.
Thought she didn't have any friends.
Look at all these people.
She looks pretty popular to me.
Ah, there was a slight mix up.
If any of you are here for
the personal power seminar
you should be in room 308.
This is the Gotschel service.
- Hi, baby! - Oh, where's everyone going?
- Rachel, are you alright? - Never been better.
I had such a good time in that reunion.
- Have you been drinking? - How can you tell?
You have the breath that made Milwaukee famous.
Ron, I had such a good time.
I didn't wanna leave but I promised you I'll be here.
I think you meant too good at time.
I took a cab.
Oh, am I talking too loud?
Rachel, shh.
Who died and made you boss?
Oops!
You know, when I go, I don't think I wanna be
put in the ground.
Oh! Me either.
Ron, you wanna be buried or cremated?
I don't know. Surprise me.
This time anyone who has a few kind words
to say about the deceased should do so.
Please be brief. I have three other services waiting.
It was a very good day.
Don't you have any respect for the dead?
Absolutely.
Because of the dead I have two condominiums and a Mercedes.
[clears throat]
Hello, I'm Ron Aimes.
But of course you all know that.
[coughs] I guess I should say something
complimentary about Mrs. Gotschel.
Mrs. Gotschel..
That's a lovely casket you have.
I hope it's as comfortable inside as it is
elegant on the outside.
Hey, listen to me going on and on.
Why don't I give someone else a chance.
- Bruce? - What?
Would you like to say something about Mrs. Gotschel?
No!
Yes, you would.
[sighs]
Oh, God!
[sobbing] I don't wanna die.
I'm scared to die.
When you do... we'll be here for you.
Thank you!
Well, good. There you are. Umm..
How about you, Francine?
[clears throat]
Ahh..
Will everyone please bow their heads
in a moment of silent prayer?
Amen!
- You stole mine. - Shh!
Darby?
[chuckles]
Hi! Okay.
[clears throat]
I expect to pass through life but once.
If therefore there can be any kindness I can show
or any good thing I can do to any fellow being
let me do it now as I shall not pass this way again.
That was very nice, Darby.
- What's it from? - Oh!
It's tattooed on my boyfriend's back.
He has no idea how it got there.
Thank you!
[sighs]
Well, in closing, I'd like to say
that Mrs. Gotschel, wherever you are
that at least today
you know that some people are thinking of you.
And that's about it.
[applauding]
Did I miss the service?
Isn't that Ned the security guard?
Uh, yeah, Ned, you missed it.
Oh, Daisy.
My Daisy!
I'm sorry I'm late.
[sniffles] I didn't make the funeral but
at least I know your last moments were happy.
Oh, I hate to break it to you, Ned, but she died kind of angry.
No, she didn't. She died in my arms.
Ah, she died in my office.
She died in your office... in my arms.
- What? - I panicked.
I didn't know what to do.
So, I got dressed.
I straightened out her clothes
packed up all the liquor..
Propped her up and got the hell outta there.
You and Mrs. Gotschel..
In my office?
Your office, every office.
[bangs] Oh!
We'd been doing it for years.
This is great. You killed her.
Ron!
I mean, this is great
that she died making love.
Ah, I...feel sad for your loss, Ned.
No, no, don't feel sad for me.
I was lucky to be the special man in her life.
Oh, Daisy, my love!
[sobbing]
[theme music]
- Kids asleep? - I think so.
- Are you alright? - I'm feeling better now.
Ooh, baby, baby!
I just wanted to see if I can still fit in it.
[chuckles]
You sure can.
So, did you have fun at the reunion?
Yeah, I was the life of the party.
But it's still a chapter in my life I want closed.
Mmm, that's a chapter I'd be willing to thumb
through any time.
No, I like my new chapters.
- Look at this silly thing. - Oh, I am!
- It's so demeaning. - So demeaning.
- I'll go get outta it. - I'll go help ya.
[scatting]
[theme music]
[scatting]
What are you doing back here?
I lost an earring.
So, did you like what I said about you at the funeral?
Actually, I wasn't there.
I was down the hall, that personal power seminar.
Ned said some pretty nice things about you.
- Ned? - Your lover!
Oh, that news stand guy.
No, the security guard.
Oh, that idiot. You tell him he put my bra on backwards.
Anyway, I gotta go.
- Where are you going? - Back to hell.
I'm scheduled to be on the It's a Small World ride
for the next seven million years. See ya!
[theme music]
[scatting]
[theme music]
[scatting]