Mike & Molly (2010–2016): Season 5, Episode 19 - Mother from Another Mudlick - full transcript

Previously on Mike & Molly...

Look at you,
writing again.

Yeah, new story.

About a young girl

coming of age
on a hardscrabble farm

at the base
of the Mudlick mountains.

Mudlick? Th-That's weird.

My mom grew up
on a farm in Mudlick.

Oh, no!

I have to see
Mudlick for myself.

When Hemingway
wrote about Paris,



he walked those streets.

It's what made it authentic.

You know, she still has a sister
down in Mudlick.

No! I didn't
know that.

See, that's the kind of stuff
I'm hoping to dig into

when I drag her down there.

Here she is.

Rosie?

You slut! I'll kill you!

Why didn't you ever call me?

Why do you think?

I was wracked with guilt.

I was so stupid.

You were 16.



And stupid.

You know my mom
hates drop-bys.

It's not a drop-by.
It's a check-in.

We haven't heard from
her in two days. Or...

...we haven't
heard from her in two days.

See? It's all in the way you
look at it.

Since when are you so
worried about my mom?

Since we're a month
behind on our book.

After we're done writing,

then let the postman
find her carcass.

Wow.
Or...

...then let
the postman find her carcass.

There you are.

What do you want?

Uh, we're just
checking in on you.

We don't need
to come in.

Good.

Uh...
See?

She's still alive.
Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Did you hear that
music playing in there?

Yeah. So?
She hates music.

Unless it's coming
out of a pipe organ,

she calls it "ear rape."

Well, she uses that word a lot
when she really shouldn't.

There's something
going on in there.

Come on, Scooby-Doo,
let's not meddle.

No... Is it a fella?

Do you think she has
a fella in there?

We have a book to finish.

I don't have time for her
to go tom-catting around.

"Fella?" "Tom-catting""

You are spending too much
time with the elderly.

What?

Listen, Peggy,

when we're done with the book,

you can pitch woo with as many
gentleman callers as you'd like.

But right now,
we got work to do.

What are you talking about?

Molly thinks you
got a guy in there.

Who is it, Margaret?

No judgment, Ma.
Have a nice time.

Rosemary!

Mike, this is
my sister, Rosemary.

Rosemary,
your nephew, Mike.

All right, good night.

Aw, how about that?

I finally got
to meet my aunt.

♪ La, la-Ba-Dee-da ♪

♪ La,
la-Ba-Dee-da ♪

♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

♪ I see love ♪

♪ I see love ♪

♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

♪ I see love ♪

And here's your cousin Colby.

Only one of my six
who made it out of Mudlick.

Lives in Plattsville,
five miles up the road.

Hard to resist
the pull of a big city.

Oh, I just can't
get over you.

You got that chiseled jaw
and strong shoulders

just like your grandma.

Really?

All my mom ever told me
about my shoulders

is they almost killed her
on the way out.

It was like giving birth
to a 14-pound biplane.

I bet you were
a roly-poly lump of lovin'.

I guess, yeah.

Peggy, why didn't you tell us

that Rosemary was coming
for a visit?

I just wanted to make sure
she and I could both stand

to be in the
same room together.

Let the alphas sniff
each other's behinds

before we let the rest
of the pack in.

So, is everything...

smelling okay?

Well, the few whiffs we've had
have been downright pleasant.

Oh, yeah.

We were just playing records
and talking about old times.

Remember seeing Patsy
Cline at the State Fair?

I never went to the State Fair.

Oh, that's right.

Daddy just took me.

You must have
been too young.

Too young for rides
and cotton candy?

Oh!

Oh, there she is
after all these years.

"Little Peggy
cries a lot.

Always wants what
she don't got""

I love that!

You know, that it rhymes.

All that's in the past.

I'm just thankful I finally
got to meet this big, sweet

honey bear!

Oh!

Wow, Molly,
now that's a hug.

- You got to get in on this.
- I know.

I had one in Mudlick.

It's like rolling
in a pile of puppies.

Oh, get in here!

Oh!

I'm good.

When I met Aunt Rosemary,

there was
an immediate connection.

It's like we always
knew each other.

I've never felt that way
about another person.

Really?

No one else?

Ah, Carl.

You just be careful with
this so-called aunt.

What are you talking about?

The only long-lost relative that
I ever came into contact with

was some shady cousin
who wanted my kidney.

She's not like that.

Oh, you say that now,
but wait until you wake up

in the middle of the night

and she's drawing on your
stomach with a magic marker.

Don't be ridiculous.

Aunt Rosemary is sweet,
caring, understanding.

And her hugs... oh.

Nothing like hugging my mom.

Yeah.

Yeah, I hugged
your mom before.

Like squeezing
a scarecrow.

At least a scarecrow's warm

from spending all day
in the sun.

I just can't believe
those two women are sisters.

Hey, what are you guys
talking about?

Ah, I finally got
to meet my mother's sister.

Does she want a kidney?

No!

my aunt is so loving

it makes me wonder
how I would've turned out

- if I was raised by her.
- Mm.

See, now, that's classic
nature versus nurture.

Now, are you are who you
are because of genetics,

or are you the product
of your surroundings?

See, I think
with a loving mother,

he would have been
more confident.

And more successful.

Certainly thinner.

And definitely better friends.

Very snippy.

See, that's learned
behavior right there.

You know,
maybe for our vacation,

we should go down to Mudlick.

Mm, yeah, no.

I've been there.

It's not just a pretty name.

So get this.

I'm in the squad car today,

and my cell phone rings.

It's my mom's number,

so I immediately get
that pit in my stomach.

Ooh, the "Peggy pit," yeah.

So I start thinking of excuses,

you know, to cut the call short:
bad reception,

or in the middle
of chasing an illegal.

Ooh, that's a good one.

Hitting her in the sweet spot.

Yeah, but I didn't need to.

Turns out it was
my Aunt Rosemary,

just calling to say hi.

No guilt trips,

no complaining
about the neighbors.

Just wanted to know
how my day was going.

That is so nice.

I know!

D-Don't get me wrong,

I love my mother,
blah, blah, blah.

But can you
imagine growing up

with a mom
like Rosemary?

I tried. It's too painful.

I didn't want to say
anything, but I snuck out

and had coffee with her
this morning.

Why didn't you call me?
You were at work.

I'm sure we could've found
a crime nearby.

I just wanted
to give her

a few chapters of me
and Peggy's book to read.

You know, get a fresh
view on Mudlick

from a current
Mudlicker.

I'll bet she'll love it.

She'll tell you
you did a wonderful job,

and if people don't like it,
they're just jealous.

God, I wish I heard
that growing up.

All I got was "find out if
your teacher thinks I'm hot""

Hi, Peggy.

What are you
doing here?

Oh, we were just in
the neighborhood,

thought we'd stop
and see Aunt Rosemary.

And you.

'Cause you're here, too.

You didn't call ahead,

so no warning, no bra,
no complaints.

No problem, no looking.

Oh, hey, Molly.
Hey!

There's my sweet nephew.

Oh! Ooh!

Ooh, we're stuck.

I can't let go.

I don't know what
we're gonna do.

I guess we'll just
have to keep hugging!

All right, break it up.
This ain't France.

Oh, thank you
for letting me read this.

Some very interesting things
in here.

In where?

I gave her the last few
chapters of our book.

What'd you do that for?

Well, it might be
your life story, Peggy,

but she lived it, too.

I'm sorry, dear,
but I didn't live any of this.

And you didn't
either, Peggy.

What are you
talking about?

Every word in
there is true.

Oh, nonsense.

You make it out
like we were raised in hell

by the Devil himself.

That farm was my hell.

All I know
is you'll never be happy

if you only look
at the negative in things.

I see what I see.

At least I'm not some Pollyanna
living in denial.

All right, ladies,
let's not argue.

Yeah, let's just go put on our
bras and have a nice visit.

Look, if you want
to blame the world

for how you turned out,
that's your business.

But based on what I read, we
grew up in two different houses.

So I'm a liar?
No.

You're bitter and spiteful,

and you have no one to blame
for who you are but yourself.

Get out!

Peggy.

Happy to.

What is wrong with you?

Only you could manage
to throw the nicest woman

in the world out of your house.

If she's so wonderful,
why don't you join her?

Ugh, alienate everybody, Ma.

That's why all your stories end
with you alone.

I'm gonna go help her pack;
she can stay with us.

Come on.

Peggy, you don't want
your sister to leave.

She's not my sister.

I don't have a sister anymore.

You go see if she's okay.

I get it.

More fresh biscuits.

Who's ready?

I'd love to,
but sadly I'm full.

Oh, wait, it was just the table
cinching my stomach.

I got room.

No offense, Mom,
but I did not realize until now

what a horrible
cook you are.

Oh...

none taken.

Rosemary, I know
this is sudden,

but will you marry us?

I'd get down on one knee,
but at this point

I don't think I'd be able
to get back up again.

That's flattering,
but the only threesome I know

that ever worked were
the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Let's agree to disagree.

Mike, come on.

I just think it would be a good
idea if you made up with her.

She's your mother.

Oh, no, you're just trying to
throw me into the lion's den

so she doesn't
eat you alive.

Yes!

She's miserable
even when she's happy.

Look, I could spend all
day worrying about her,

or I can enjoy the day
getting to know my aunt.

One is causing me grief,
one is making me pancakes.

It ain't exactly
Sophie's Choice.

Vince, tap out! I'm up!

Maybe we should start going
over some of the stuff

we've already written.

You know, just make sure
it still rings true.

So you think I'm a liar, too.

Wha...?

No, I don't.

But memory is
a funny thing.

You know, last week,
I could've sworn

that I pulled that nozzle
out of the gas tank

before I drove away.

And then I get home,

and I see ten feet of hose
dangling from my car,

and I had to tell myself,
"I may have remembered wrong."

Hey, you may be an idiot,
but I'm not a liar.

You know, I'm trying
to help you here.

You make it very hard.

I don't need help
from anybody.

Let's just finish the damn book
and be done with it.

Fine.
This is my story.

I know what went on
in that house.

You lived it.
Exactly.

Let's just forget about
Rosemary and get writing.

Great.

Rosemary was always
the perfect one.

Always said
the right thing,

got good grades.

You know what it's like
to grow up

in the shadow
of a sister like that?

I kind of am that sister.

Maybe I was to blame.

I never made it easy
for people to love me.

Daddy said I was born sour.

I guess he was right.

You're not sour.

You're... tangy.

Don't sugarcoat it.

I'm a big pain in the ass.

Nobody wants
to be around that.

Ah, I got to stop
feeling sorry for myself.

We got a book
to write.

You know what, if it helps,
I do believe you.

Thanks.

It doesn't.

There's that tang!

Watch his cowlick.

That thing loves to pop
up like a prairie dog.

You know, we're supposed
to spend the day together,

not run my errands.

Oh, honey, this
is a joy for me.

Taking care of my nephew,
seeing where he works.

Boy, they sure did love you
down at the precinct.

The captain of the SWAT team

wants your recipe
for snickerdoodles.

I can't believe all those boys
thought I was your mother.

I look nothing like her.

Well, I think the confusion is
that they've never met her.

Ten years on the force,

and you never brought Peggy
to see where you work?

Well, they like me there;
I don't want to mess that up.

You know,
it's a shame it took us

all these years to
finally connect.

Yeah, you'd think Mom could have
swallowed her pride

and took me down there
to meet you just once.

Well, don't be
too hard on her.

She's always
been stubborn.

And holds a grudge, too.

A lady at church
made the mistake

of buying the same hat
as her.

She glared at her every Sunday

until that woman
became a Lutheran.

Oh, I know all about
that side of her.

The Christmas I got a bike,
she got sheets for her bed.

You'd think
the world was ending.

Well, um, sheets are kind of
a crappy Christmas present.

Yeah, that's what
"Peggy cries-a-lot" said.

Felt so sorry
for herself.

If we hadn't ignored
her little pity party,

it would've ruined Christmas
for everybody.

Well, wasn't Christmas
kind of ruined for her?

Well, it was her own fault.

If she'd just smiled
every once in a while

and appreciated
what she did have,

maybe I wouldn't have
been the only one

Daddy took to Patsy Cline

or gave a horse to
for graduating grade school.

Well, that doesn't
seem exactly fair.

Well, life ain't fair.

That's what Daddy
always told Peggy.

And if she ain't learned
that yet, she never will.

That explains a lot.

My goodness.

With this buzz cut, you look
even more like your grandma.

Peggy, don't get
down about today.

Some days, you give
me 20 pages of gold,

and, well, sometimes you...

The point is, just don't get
too down about it.

I'm not.

I blame you.

Hey.

What do you want?

To talk.

Can you give us
a minute, sweetie?

Oh. Yeah, sure.

I'll... I'll just be
in the kitchen.

I am gonna listen. I just...

I just want to be
up front about that.

Listen, uh...

I-I don't want to rehash
what happened last night.

You mean where you backstabbed
me by siding with my sister?

Yeah, that's the part
I didn't want to rehash.

I saw how you were
with her.

Ma...

No, I get it.

Rosemary's easy to love,
always has been.

But we are who we are.

It's not your fault.
No?

Maybe it is,
but I don't care.

I might be a tough
nasty piece of gristle,

but whatever I was, whatever
I did, somehow it made you.

And I wouldn't change that
for the world.

Neither would I.

There you go,
now squeeze.

I feel ridiculous.

You'll get used to it.

Incoming!

All right, and this
is our precinct room.

Everybody, this
is my mother.

Well, who was
the other lady?

Like I said, this
is my mother.

Hey.

Which one's Kilpatrick?

He always gives me
the brush off

when I call about
the hippie neighbors.

Always parking their commie
Prius in front of my house.

Uh, yeah, he-he's
got the day off.

Nice to see you,
Mother Biggs.

Hello, Carlton.

Oh, somebody's
been practicing.

Okay, it's not
a dance marathon.

All right, we
should get going.

We need to get you
your mug shot,

and let you badger the drunks
down in the holding tank.

You are good
to your mother.