Mike Tyson Mysteries (2014–…): Season 4, Episode 2 - Make a Wish and Blow - full transcript
Mike Tyson Mysteries
Season 04 Episode 02
Episode Title: "Make a Wish and Blow"
Here you go.
Uh, utensils and napkins are in the bag.
Thank you.
Tuna melt, that's Yung.
Hawaiian burger
for you, Mr. Bird.
Mr. Bird?
That's not your name?
It's something Bird, right?
Hold up, where the ****
is my food?
Did they forget
my three-meat plate?
I can't not have
my three-meat plate.
It's a special.
They don't always have it.
And you don't know
what the three meats are.
And that's what
makes it great.
What if today was chicken,
beef and penguin?
Or penguin, beef and caribou?
Or just beef, caribou,
penguin, and one more?
And now I'll never know because
they forgot my three-meat plate.
Well, run outside.
Maybe you can still catch the guy.
Sir! Sir! Hey, hold up.
I couldn't catch him, but it's okay.
I'll just have cereal.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody!
You got a new mystery.
Oh, damn.
You ordered from Ted's Grill!
Did you guys get my usual,
the five-fish platter?
We did not
order anything for you,
because no one
thought about you.
Now, give me that mystery.
"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery team,
"I am seven-and-a-half
years old.
"I made a wish on an eyelash
and it didn't come true." Ha!
"Please help, Margaret Moses."
Huh. Go **** yourself,
Margaret Moses.
Who's Margaret Moses,
and why is she gonna **** herself?
They forgot the pineapple!
That's what makes
it a **** Hawaiian burger!
No, she's a sweet little girl
who thinks if you make a wish
on an eyelash, it'll come true.
She's right. It works for me
every single time.
That's how come
all of you are here.
- What?
- Yeah. One day I had
an eyelash come out and I
wished for an Asian baby.
Next day,
Yung was on my doorstep.
Then another eyelash came out
and I wished for a live-in maid.
And the next day,
poof, I got Marquess.
A few weeks later,
another eyelash came out,
I wished to meet my favorite
Looney Tunes character,
Tweety bird,
and here is Tweety bird.
Oh, I knew it was
something-bird, it's Tweety bird.
Now, let's go help little
Margaret Moses get her wish.
Ugh. I bet
poor little Margaret's wish
was get the hell out of
this shithole...
Oh! Hi.
Oh, we were just
admiring your home!
Yeah! Oh, this home is...
Oh, it's...
Oh, it's so, it's...
Well, it's you know, it is,
um, well, it's just absolute...
All these wires,
and the trash,
the tires, oh. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, this is so...
Ugh. Quit wasting
everyone's time, Margaret.
- Tell them what you wished for.
- I can't.
You told me if you say your
wish, it won't come true.
I probably just you told that
to shut you up!
Look, if wishes came true,
you think I'd be living in this hellhole?
You know how many times
I wished I was a singer,
and everyone knew my songs,
and knew who I was,
and that I mattered
in this world?
Uh-oh. You just said
your wish out loud.
Now your wish
will never come true.
You'll be stuck here forever
doing whatever job is your job.
Oh. Uh...
It's fine, come on in.
You can head on back to the bedroom.
I'll be there in a second.
If you'll
excuse me, I have a client.
Margaret, there's chicken nuggets
in the freezer if you're hungry.
Oh, the mom
is a trailer park whore.
That old situation.
Pigeon! Don't worry, Margaret.
It's all gonna be okay.
I promise you,
we will make sure your wish comes true.
Marquess, don't
promise her that.
We don't even know
what she wished for.
We don't need to know.
We just need to go
to the Wishing Well.
- The Wishing Well?
- Yes.
The Wishing Well
in Fantasy Forest.
It's hard to find because it's
hidden by the Bountiful Bush.
- Hey, those are for me!
- Oh, really?
Is that why it says
Tyson chicken nuggets?
If it said Margaret Moses chicken
nuggets, I wouldn't be eating them.
But I probably would because all
I had today was a bowl of cereal.
- Marquess, slow down!
- I can't.
The only way
to get to Fantasy Forest is
to be going 100 miles an hour
on a lonely highway
when the clock
strikes midnight.
That's not possible!
It's midnight.
We were going
100 miles an hour
on a lonely highway
at midnight.
Oh, no. That clock is wrong.
It's still on daylight savings time.
I just don't know
how to change it.
- So, it's 11:00?
- It's probably around 10:40,
10:43, 10:50, something,
because the very first time
I was setting it, I was like,
"Yung, what's the exact time
right now?"
And she was like, "2:38."
Then I started setting it.
You had to press
that button so many times.
Then I finally get to 2:38,
but I'm on a.m.
and I'm trying to get on p.m.
So, by the time
I got the right 2:38 on there,
it was around 2:50
or some shit.
I'm gonna
take a nap for a bit.
I ate too many of the delicious
Tyson chicken nuggets.
Well, looks like
we have some time to kill.
Anyone have any ideas?
- Well, why don't you...
- Oh.
No, I'm-I'm sorry.
What were you going to say?
- No, no. I-I'm sorry. You go.
- No, please.
I was gonna say, "Why don't you
tell us about the Wishing Well?"
Interesting, how different
people are.
I was gonna say, "Why don't you
drive back to that trailer park,
"so I can **** that whore?"
But, fair is fair.
I said you go first.
So, let's hear about
this Wishing Well.
Okay. They tell you when you first die.
Not the first thing,
but after you've been there for a
little bit. You know, like a day.
They send you to this seminar.
It's called "Secrets of the universe."
It sounds more exciting
than it is, believe me.
And you can't have any food or
drink in there, unless it's water.
And it's like, "**** me! I just died.
I want a **** Diet Coke."
Ugh, anyway. You learn
about time, you know.
It goes backwards and forwards,
and this way and that way.
And you're like, "Really?
Because right now,
"it doesn't feel like it's moving at
all, because I have to piss,
"because all I've been doing is
drinking **** water."
Anyway, God is
just up there, yabbering,
and, oh, my God, he loves
the sound of his voice.
And yes, God is a man.
I'm sorry,
what about the Wishing Well?
Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right, okay.
So, all wishes
are sent to the Wishing Well,
but, you must remember that not
all wishes should be granted.
Some people wish
for some terrible things,
you know,
to happen to other people.
Oh, yeah.
I do that all the time.
Like, right now, I'm wishing
that car coming the opposite way
would swerve in our lane,
and kill the driver.
Oh, my God! You don't even
know that person.
No, I'm talking about
the driver in this car.
**** you. Okay.
So, the bad wishes get caught
in the branches
of the Bountiful Bush.
So, you think Margaret wished
for something bad to happen
and that's why
it didn't come true?
Okay, no. Unfortunately,
even some good wishes
get caught in the Bush,
which is why it needs to be
trimmed occasionally.
You know, groomed.
Okay. What time is it now?
Ugh. Your father set this
clock completely wrong.
It's only 9:42.
Well, let's just
pull over and wait.
We're still not gonna
go back to the trailer park?
You get me
all hot and bothered
with all this
bush-trimming talk,
and now you want to just
sit by the side of the road?
What am I supposed to do
with this massive erection?
I don't see anything.
That's because
it's inside my body,
because I'm a bird.
I don't see your tits.
What's your excuse?
Oh, that's right.
You've got the body of an 11-year-old boy.
Well, **** you,
you-don't-see-anything!
Let's just rest.
We have a big night
ahead of us.
♪ Good morning to you
Good morning to you ♪
♪ This morning was made
For angels like you ♪
Oh, no!
We all fell asleep!
We missed midnight.
There'll be
another one, Marquess.
We just got to
wait here together,
here in this enclosed vehicle
for many, many
consecutive hours.
Okay. Everybody, it's 11:59.
Buckle up.
Are you serious? Are you
mother-**** serious?
There!
The Bountiful Bush!
Let's find Margaret's wish!
"My wish is
that all the Jews..."
Oh, my God!
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
I found it.
"Margaret Moses,
age seven-and-a-half.
"I wish that my dad
would come home
"so we could be
a family again."
Aw. Okay. So, how do we get it
into the Wishing Well?
We have to trim the bush.
There you go,
little Margaret Moses.
It came true!
My wish came true!
All right, Margaret.
Get on out of here and go play.
I want some alone time
with Moms.
Okay. While I was
in the joint,
I got a new meth recipe.
Turn on the stove.
Where'd you put
all the chemicals?
They're under
the sink, dumb-ass.
Now, let's go ****
while it cooks.
Hello, little Margaret.
Little Margaret,
you've lost your parents,
and we recently
lost our child.
Come, let us be a family
together in Fantasy Forest.
Whoa!
- Oh, hold tight!
- Whoa!
Now, let's go meet
the talking trees!
Oh!
They're over by
the babbling brook.
Yay!
Wonderful.
Corrected & synced by srjanapala
Season 04 Episode 02
Episode Title: "Make a Wish and Blow"
Here you go.
Uh, utensils and napkins are in the bag.
Thank you.
Tuna melt, that's Yung.
Hawaiian burger
for you, Mr. Bird.
Mr. Bird?
That's not your name?
It's something Bird, right?
Hold up, where the ****
is my food?
Did they forget
my three-meat plate?
I can't not have
my three-meat plate.
It's a special.
They don't always have it.
And you don't know
what the three meats are.
And that's what
makes it great.
What if today was chicken,
beef and penguin?
Or penguin, beef and caribou?
Or just beef, caribou,
penguin, and one more?
And now I'll never know because
they forgot my three-meat plate.
Well, run outside.
Maybe you can still catch the guy.
Sir! Sir! Hey, hold up.
I couldn't catch him, but it's okay.
I'll just have cereal.
Hey, hey, hey, everybody!
You got a new mystery.
Oh, damn.
You ordered from Ted's Grill!
Did you guys get my usual,
the five-fish platter?
We did not
order anything for you,
because no one
thought about you.
Now, give me that mystery.
"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery team,
"I am seven-and-a-half
years old.
"I made a wish on an eyelash
and it didn't come true." Ha!
"Please help, Margaret Moses."
Huh. Go **** yourself,
Margaret Moses.
Who's Margaret Moses,
and why is she gonna **** herself?
They forgot the pineapple!
That's what makes
it a **** Hawaiian burger!
No, she's a sweet little girl
who thinks if you make a wish
on an eyelash, it'll come true.
She's right. It works for me
every single time.
That's how come
all of you are here.
- What?
- Yeah. One day I had
an eyelash come out and I
wished for an Asian baby.
Next day,
Yung was on my doorstep.
Then another eyelash came out
and I wished for a live-in maid.
And the next day,
poof, I got Marquess.
A few weeks later,
another eyelash came out,
I wished to meet my favorite
Looney Tunes character,
Tweety bird,
and here is Tweety bird.
Oh, I knew it was
something-bird, it's Tweety bird.
Now, let's go help little
Margaret Moses get her wish.
Ugh. I bet
poor little Margaret's wish
was get the hell out of
this shithole...
Oh! Hi.
Oh, we were just
admiring your home!
Yeah! Oh, this home is...
Oh, it's...
Oh, it's so, it's...
Well, it's you know, it is,
um, well, it's just absolute...
All these wires,
and the trash,
the tires, oh. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, this is so...
Ugh. Quit wasting
everyone's time, Margaret.
- Tell them what you wished for.
- I can't.
You told me if you say your
wish, it won't come true.
I probably just you told that
to shut you up!
Look, if wishes came true,
you think I'd be living in this hellhole?
You know how many times
I wished I was a singer,
and everyone knew my songs,
and knew who I was,
and that I mattered
in this world?
Uh-oh. You just said
your wish out loud.
Now your wish
will never come true.
You'll be stuck here forever
doing whatever job is your job.
Oh. Uh...
It's fine, come on in.
You can head on back to the bedroom.
I'll be there in a second.
If you'll
excuse me, I have a client.
Margaret, there's chicken nuggets
in the freezer if you're hungry.
Oh, the mom
is a trailer park whore.
That old situation.
Pigeon! Don't worry, Margaret.
It's all gonna be okay.
I promise you,
we will make sure your wish comes true.
Marquess, don't
promise her that.
We don't even know
what she wished for.
We don't need to know.
We just need to go
to the Wishing Well.
- The Wishing Well?
- Yes.
The Wishing Well
in Fantasy Forest.
It's hard to find because it's
hidden by the Bountiful Bush.
- Hey, those are for me!
- Oh, really?
Is that why it says
Tyson chicken nuggets?
If it said Margaret Moses chicken
nuggets, I wouldn't be eating them.
But I probably would because all
I had today was a bowl of cereal.
- Marquess, slow down!
- I can't.
The only way
to get to Fantasy Forest is
to be going 100 miles an hour
on a lonely highway
when the clock
strikes midnight.
That's not possible!
It's midnight.
We were going
100 miles an hour
on a lonely highway
at midnight.
Oh, no. That clock is wrong.
It's still on daylight savings time.
I just don't know
how to change it.
- So, it's 11:00?
- It's probably around 10:40,
10:43, 10:50, something,
because the very first time
I was setting it, I was like,
"Yung, what's the exact time
right now?"
And she was like, "2:38."
Then I started setting it.
You had to press
that button so many times.
Then I finally get to 2:38,
but I'm on a.m.
and I'm trying to get on p.m.
So, by the time
I got the right 2:38 on there,
it was around 2:50
or some shit.
I'm gonna
take a nap for a bit.
I ate too many of the delicious
Tyson chicken nuggets.
Well, looks like
we have some time to kill.
Anyone have any ideas?
- Well, why don't you...
- Oh.
No, I'm-I'm sorry.
What were you going to say?
- No, no. I-I'm sorry. You go.
- No, please.
I was gonna say, "Why don't you
tell us about the Wishing Well?"
Interesting, how different
people are.
I was gonna say, "Why don't you
drive back to that trailer park,
"so I can **** that whore?"
But, fair is fair.
I said you go first.
So, let's hear about
this Wishing Well.
Okay. They tell you when you first die.
Not the first thing,
but after you've been there for a
little bit. You know, like a day.
They send you to this seminar.
It's called "Secrets of the universe."
It sounds more exciting
than it is, believe me.
And you can't have any food or
drink in there, unless it's water.
And it's like, "**** me! I just died.
I want a **** Diet Coke."
Ugh, anyway. You learn
about time, you know.
It goes backwards and forwards,
and this way and that way.
And you're like, "Really?
Because right now,
"it doesn't feel like it's moving at
all, because I have to piss,
"because all I've been doing is
drinking **** water."
Anyway, God is
just up there, yabbering,
and, oh, my God, he loves
the sound of his voice.
And yes, God is a man.
I'm sorry,
what about the Wishing Well?
Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right, okay.
So, all wishes
are sent to the Wishing Well,
but, you must remember that not
all wishes should be granted.
Some people wish
for some terrible things,
you know,
to happen to other people.
Oh, yeah.
I do that all the time.
Like, right now, I'm wishing
that car coming the opposite way
would swerve in our lane,
and kill the driver.
Oh, my God! You don't even
know that person.
No, I'm talking about
the driver in this car.
**** you. Okay.
So, the bad wishes get caught
in the branches
of the Bountiful Bush.
So, you think Margaret wished
for something bad to happen
and that's why
it didn't come true?
Okay, no. Unfortunately,
even some good wishes
get caught in the Bush,
which is why it needs to be
trimmed occasionally.
You know, groomed.
Okay. What time is it now?
Ugh. Your father set this
clock completely wrong.
It's only 9:42.
Well, let's just
pull over and wait.
We're still not gonna
go back to the trailer park?
You get me
all hot and bothered
with all this
bush-trimming talk,
and now you want to just
sit by the side of the road?
What am I supposed to do
with this massive erection?
I don't see anything.
That's because
it's inside my body,
because I'm a bird.
I don't see your tits.
What's your excuse?
Oh, that's right.
You've got the body of an 11-year-old boy.
Well, **** you,
you-don't-see-anything!
Let's just rest.
We have a big night
ahead of us.
♪ Good morning to you
Good morning to you ♪
♪ This morning was made
For angels like you ♪
Oh, no!
We all fell asleep!
We missed midnight.
There'll be
another one, Marquess.
We just got to
wait here together,
here in this enclosed vehicle
for many, many
consecutive hours.
Okay. Everybody, it's 11:59.
Buckle up.
Are you serious? Are you
mother-**** serious?
There!
The Bountiful Bush!
Let's find Margaret's wish!
"My wish is
that all the Jews..."
Oh, my God!
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
I found it.
"Margaret Moses,
age seven-and-a-half.
"I wish that my dad
would come home
"so we could be
a family again."
Aw. Okay. So, how do we get it
into the Wishing Well?
We have to trim the bush.
There you go,
little Margaret Moses.
It came true!
My wish came true!
All right, Margaret.
Get on out of here and go play.
I want some alone time
with Moms.
Okay. While I was
in the joint,
I got a new meth recipe.
Turn on the stove.
Where'd you put
all the chemicals?
They're under
the sink, dumb-ass.
Now, let's go ****
while it cooks.
Hello, little Margaret.
Little Margaret,
you've lost your parents,
and we recently
lost our child.
Come, let us be a family
together in Fantasy Forest.
Whoa!
- Oh, hold tight!
- Whoa!
Now, let's go meet
the talking trees!
Oh!
They're over by
the babbling brook.
Yay!
Wonderful.
Corrected & synced by srjanapala