Metalocalypse (2006–2013): Season 3, Episode 4 - Dethmas - full transcript
Dr. Rockso, having relapsed into his cocaine addiction, seeks the help of his estranged friend, Toki. More unwanted visitors manifest in the form of Dethklok's mothers, who are going to visit for the upcoming holidays. Murderface sets out to stage a Christmas special with production partner Dick Knubbler, but the only group willing to finance the show is the "Church of Christian Churchology".
And this week's hall of shame
award goes to Dr. Rockso,
the rock and roII clown,
arrested again.
This time for robbing
the home offices of Holiday
Homeless Shelters.
Rockzo was apprehended with $80
that he intended to use to
purchase, you guessed it,
cocaine.
Nice one, Rockzo.
Hey Toki, Iooks like your
friend is really fuckin' up
again.
He's not my friend.
I've sworn him off.
You always help out that
dumb clown.
But not's no more.
I realize dats helpins him is
what show my weakness.
Dats why I'm takings
Alsinons meetins.
Alanon?
oh wait, is that like
narcotics anonymous?
Nopes it's likes a things
where yous learns nots to
helps out dumb selfish
assholes clowns who ams tries
to takes advantage of you.
Well there you go.
Mail time!
oh fuck we got a DVD from
our fuckin' moms again.
Fuck.
I hate that they have iMovie.
Hey honey, we all just
wanted to say we miss you.
None of you call any of us.
And it's Christmas time.
What if we died?
Yeah!
What if we fuckin' died?
Then how'd you feel?
Yah, hows would yous felt
if we's dies?
ohhhhh.
oh, mama.
Geez Skwisgaar, your mom
really knows how to put on
the Christmas cheer.
He he he.
Anyway, call us.
Bye!
oh and we'll be there
for Christmas!
# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #
# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #
# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #
# Dethklok! Dethklok!
Dethklock! Dethklok! #
I don't like that our mothers
hang out without us there.
Huh huh.
I don't likes dat neither.
It feels like some kind
of a fuckin' threat, them like
ganging up on us and shit.
It's fuckin' brutal.
They ams trying
to ruins our Christmas!
What is there to ruin?
Fuck Christmas.
I propose we does secrets
Santas.
[Grunts]
Anyway, yeah, Skwisgaar,
I gotta say, you know, your mom
Iooks uh really good
for her age.
ok, fucks off.
I'm just saying.
Thanks Murderface, yah.
Why is my mom wearings thats?
What is shes a fuckin'
strippers?
How dare you! That's
a beautiful woman and shit.
That stuff she's wearing
is classy.
You're just,
something's wrong with you.
Uh Murderface?
You wanted me to remind you
about your Christmas special
meeting with Dick Knubbler?
Wait a minute?
Christmas special?
What the hell is that?
I toId you all about it.
I tried to invoIve you.
You passed.
Another half baked Murderface
project.
Probably won't get past
the front door.
Run by Murderface, a failure
with a bad track record.
You know what?
You guys can't be a part
of my Christmas special ha ha!
You know why?
Because you all lack
something very very important.
And I'm talking about
the fuckin' Christmas spirit.
Actually that's kind
of badass.
Fuckin' Christmas spirit.
Like a fuckin' ghost who kills
children.
Hey!!
That's perfect for my special.
Can I use that?
No!
oh come on!
No.
If you use it I kill you.
Uhh, Murderface, you uhh
still have this meeting, now.
Still.
Now.
Still.
Now.
These Christmas specials can
be incredibly lucrative.
I've been talking about this
with Dethklok for years
but no dice.
Well, hey.
You know, we tried.
And we might not have
Dethklok but we got someone
who's practically in Dethklok.
You.
I am in Dethklok.
Hey, c'mon.
What the fuck?
I'm a fuckin' star!
Yes you are!
There's the attitude.
That's what I'm talking about.
Now listen...
and wait till you hear
my ideas for this thing!!!
No.
I'm telling you William this is
gonna have to come from me.
You simply cannot be invoIved
creatively.
It's a no go.
okay, babe?
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Well, okay, here's a brief
list of, you know, failures
to start out with.
oh my failures.
Alright, let's start out with
this one.
Number oneh Murderface's
Titty Time Car Wash.
I stand by that idea.
Hot chicks wash your car.
Made zero money and a series
of law suits.
I never touched
those fuckin' girls!
No the lawsuits weren't
against the girls
they were from the drivers
for vehicle damage.
Alright number two...
how about the Murderface
Planet Piss CoIogne?
What about it?
Huge failure!
The FDA found traces of urine in
every single bottle and people
broke out into painful,
irreversible skin-damaging
rashes.
That's the point!!!
My piss is in every bottle!
What don't you get?
And finally we got
the William Murderface
home pyrotechnics kit.
I still say that's
fuckin' brilliant.
Well there you go.
You get the idea.
So here's the deal, captain.
I run the show.
I tell you what to do.
You show up.
You hit your mark and read
the cue cards
and do what I say orrrrr-
no dice.
What you mean we cants
do secret Santas!
Toki, how many times
do we have to go over this?
We don't thinks it ams metals
to be nice to each others.
And I fuckins do!
Toki, why don't you drop it?
You're driving us fuckin' crazy.
I aints listens to you
no more!
I am going shoppings!
Yes! Shoppins!
To buy each and every ones of
yous a gifts!!
And I wants to sees de Iooks on
all your fat fuckin faces whens
i gives you greats presents!
Ha ha! Fucks you!
I don't believe I've ever
been spoken to like that before.
Listen, for some reason
the judge has taken pity on you.
I wouldn't have.
But they're letting you out
with a slap on the wrist.
What do you say about that?
I'm k-k-k-sorry.
Dr. Rockzo want outta
this place.
Dr. Rockzo gonna get
his shit together.
Dr. Rockzo don't like Johnny Law
Iooking down his nose
at Dr. Rockzo.
It's k-k-k-humiliating.
A k-k-k-cocaine.
Alright, alright, alright.
As your parole officer,
I'll be checking in on you
regularly alright?
What are you doing?
oh! oh! Nothing! Nothing!
I'm listening baby, I'm just
listening to you.
Are you snorting my coffee
sweetener?
M-maybe.
Sorry, go on.
Stop Iooking at me.
Keep talking.
Is there anybody you can call
to help you out?
I tried to call my friend
T-T-Toki, but he wouldn't
answer his c-c-c-calls.
I'll try. I'll try again.
Alright, then first
and foremost you're going to
have to concentrate
on getting a job.
Anything, man.
I'll do anything.
I've got to get out of this
jail.
K-k-k... the world is
so different since Dr. Rockso
been in the Iock up.
oh k-k-k-Iook at all of
these plastic people.
K-k-oh what is this?
C-C-Christmas time
help needed?
Hmmmm.
Fuckin' Toki.
Christmas trees.
Dis amment brutal.
Well, you know what?
It's growing on me.
It's like having a rotting
corpse in your house but
the corpse of a tree you know?
It's kinda badass.
And it's like dead
and then to humiliate it even
further by hanging ornaments all
over it like fuck you.
You know when you say it like
that it's makes sense.
But still, it still sucks,
you know?
Shall I burn it my Iords?
No. Leave it.
Just throw some rotting
meat on it and pour some pig's
blood on it whatever you know.
It'll be bearable I guess.
Phone's ringing.
It's mine. That's me.
Ugh. It's my mom again.
I'll let it go to voice mail.
Ugh, when is she gonna get it?
I fuckin' hate Christmas.
oh that's me.
Ha, your mom calling me.
I don't like that she has
your number.
oh, that's me.
Pickle, your mom
ams callings me now.
Why does she have
your number?
I don't know.
Uh, Skwisgaar your mom is
calling me.
I think our mothers are trying
to get in touch with us.
Can you take these phones
and get us new numbers?
HoIds dis bags at once.
Yes, my Lord.
I should likes to haves
a private audience
with Santa Clause fors
a brief moments.
And I would likes you
to nots repeats whats you sees
to anybodys or I will haves you
alls killed.
of course, Sire.
Yeah, of course.
okay, Murderface.
We're going to have
a conference call, alright?
Yep.
That means a call with
different people on it okay?
Yeah, yeah I know.
okay.
Uh, and these are the, uh,
Christmas special producers,
alright?
And you know what that means?
Yeah, I know what that means.
We gotta wow 'em.
Splatter their
fuckin' faces with zazz.
No! No, no, no no.
Murderface, it means
you say "hello"
and be nice, and that's all.
And I do the talking, alright?
Do you understand me?
Show that you understand me.
I think you have some serious
controI issues.
I'm asking
if you understand me.
Fine! Jeez.
Gah, I understand.
Shake it out.
Do what I'm doing with my hands.
Shake it out.
Do it. Do it!
I'm shaking.
Listen Jim, Marty.
I mean this thing's in the bag.
A classic Christmas special.
old schooI.
Dancers. EXcitement.
Fantastic musical bits.
It's gonna be great!
oh, we Iove it Dick!
That's cause it's in the bag
baby.
It's in the bag.
Hey our only problem is
the guy- uh Mumbleface.
Is that his name?
Uhh, actually it's Murder-
Shhhh!!!!
You mean our super star?
Willy? Willy Murderface.
Aw yeah, he's great.
He's wonderful.
oh, I guess we mean,
is there anybody else
we can get?
Like a real name?
You know like, anybody?
Well, let me, let me
just say this.
Sure Murderface may not be
the biggest Dethklok member
but you gotta realize how far
this Dethklok thing go...
No, no, wait Iook,
we get the Dethklok thing
it's just Murderface.
Yeah, it's
the Murderface thing.
It's just...
Uhhh eXcuse me?
Marty? Jim?
This is William Murderface.
I'm on this call too.
Ha ha. I can hear you.
I don't, I don't know if you
realize that.
Then you understand our
dilemma, you know?
A Iot of people just don't
wanna see you host this thing.
And it's not you.
It's a Q. Ratings thing.
It's Iow Q ratings okay?
Hey, guys, can I jump in
real quick here?
Maybe this is a conversation
for a later time.
We all sleep on it.
Think about some stuff
and uh talk tomorrow,
what do you think?
Fine. Fine. Fine.
In the meantime
I'd like to sell you on me.
I have this idea... it's called
the Christmas spirit,
and it's this fuckin' ghost that
kills children.
And it fights Nazis.
It's like the immaculate
conception with a big ole
hard on.
And it just swoops in
on black wings.
Just sleep on that.
See you later, Jim.
Bye, Marty!
Click!
Ha ha ha!
Nailed it.
You sir?
Would you like to talk to
Santa Claus?
Yes mams I would like to
talk to Santa Claus about
my potential Christmas presents.
K-k-k-k-ho ho who wants-
to k-k-k-Toki!
oh Dr. Rockso,
yous ams Santa Claus!
It donts makes sense.
Everyone's ready to go?
No Toki still?
No, he's pout-shopping
for us.
Right. Then I'll start.
Just wanna keep you abreast
of what's going on.
First off.
What a kick ass fourth quarter.
Good work guys.
Boring.
Don't say kick-ass.
Just don't.
We hads to meets for dis?
Right, so when you're making
money you don't care.
Yeah.
Boy is that right.
Whats did I miss?
Toki, why do you smell like
piss and cocaine??
oh, dats not me.
K-k-k-m-m-m-hanukah!
A k-k-k-k-hello!
Master, there appears to be
a potential incident in front
of Mordhaus.
Hi, Nathan! We're here!
oh no.
NATHANh
Alright guys, Iooks
Iooks like our
mom's are gonna
be sticking around
here for a little while.
But we all have to agree
on one thing...
they can't have any fuckin'
booze as Iong as they're here.
Because you remember what
happened last time.
Right, Murderface?
You know what I'm saying?
[Groaning]
Skwisgaar, Murderface is
ogling your mother like some
kind of a piece of fuckin' meat.
Yeah, I'm noticing dis.
That's why I'm drunk right now.
Uh, Toki?
Where's Dr. Rockzo?
He ams in my bathrooms.
He's needs a shower.
Dr. Rockzo?
oh, Dr. Rockzo not feeling
so good.
ohhh, give me some Christmas
spirit in here.
For the records, Dr. Rockso,
I can't gets you drugs.
Thats would be enablings you.
But I Ioves you,
even though you ams powerless.
oh, R-R-Rockso l-l-Ioves you
too baby.
Now you get me those fuckin'
drugs or I'll fuckin' kill you!!
You hear me?
Ah fuck!
our fuckin' mothers want us
to take them to the mall.
It's the fuckin' worst time to go.
Fuckin' brutal.
Mom, why do you need us
to drive?
Because we want to spend time
with you!
Not your servants.
But all they're gonna do
is drive!
That's all. They're gonna drive.
You can drive!
Family only!
oh, grandma!
I'm supposed to have a meeting
for my Christmas special!
It'll have to wait William!
It'll have to wait.
Hey, we got an important
production meeting...
ow! ow! ow!
Don't you raise your voice
to me you fuckin' little piece
of shit.
Grandma, no! Stop!
You just missed another spot.
How many times are you going
to pass that spot?
Where? Which one?
Back there for god's sake!!
I can't see with all these
people in here!!
Too late! You blew it!
oh grandma, he's just
trying to drive.
Leave him alone and back off!
We don't speak to our
grandmothers that way.
Take this.
owww!!!
Mom! Don't slap Murderface!
owww!!!
Quick! Turn!
What the hell!
You hit my car!
Hey, I have four mothers
telling me how to drive.
What's your eXcuse, asshole?
Tell them you're sorry.
I'm sorry.
Are you leaving?
You know something Anja?
Now that you're single,
maybe you should
find your seXy side?
ohh, let's do a fuckin'
makeover and make Anja a little
seXy kitty cat!
[Giggling]
[Growls]
I do not like this.
I'm not here.
I'm someplace else.
I'm on a lake in a canoe.
Some place else.
Wait a minute, I just fuckin'
thought of something.
What'd you do with Rockzo
while we're out?
They gotta be something I can
put up my nose.
oh, k-k-dammit!!!
They gotta be something
Dr. Rockzo can sell
for some sweet cocaine.
I need that... oh!
Christmas gifts for Toki's pals.
A k-k-k-bingo.
Willy, you got time for
a quick conference call?
I got these guys on hoId.
Hellooo.
Hello!
How we all doing?
Look Jim, Marty,
you said you had some good news?
Uh, actually we do.
We found financing.
Yeah, uh, but Murderface,
we're anticipating,
uh, rejection. From you.
You might pass on this.
We just want to lay out
the ground rules.
What? HoId on.
Look I just wanna make
a fuckin' holiday special
that's totally fuckin' metal
and evil with blood and tits
and fire.
Listen, you just need to know
everybody declined
your offer, okay?
EXcept for one group that found
your negativity and delinquent
foIIowing a positive opportunity
to get their message out there
and help you and those people.
Negativity?
Marty help me out here.
It's the church.
The Christian church
wants to finance it.
And controI everything.
But you're still the star
and it's the, uh,
Murderface Knubbler Special
don't get me wrong there.
It's still the same thing.
It's still your special.
Uhh, I mean, is there
kind of an issue?
I mean am I gonna be
considered a sell-out?
Is that a problem?
I mean, I'm good with it.
I'm good with it too then.
There! We're done!
Congratulations guys!
K-k-k...
hey man.
How much Dr. Rockso get
for this slop?
Hmm?
Hurry up baby.
I got something to do.
Guess what?
Cocaine.
[Sniffs]
Youuu hooooo!
You know what I do, baby!
And I'm doing it.
Snorting cocaine.
Hey Johnny hot dog,
guess what I just did.
Cocaine!
He didn't even answer.
Hey shoe shine boy?
You wanna check me out there
some of this here, cocaine!
Hey Mr. Zoo animal,
check this out...
cocaine!
Hey little boy with
the b-b-b-balloon.
Check this out... cocaine.
Don't tell no body.
Hey Mr. Police...
Uh oh!
Now boys I'm pleased as pie
that we are doing this
together here.
oh fuckin' man,
I mean, I'm...
ha, ha, ha, uh, ha!
I'm sorry Reverend, he's...
like he hasn't heard someone
say fuck before?
You got booze all over
your breath.
Sorry about Murderface.
Boy is he...
you're supposed to be doing
this for me...
Well I understand we all got
our personal quirks.
We just want to keep this thing
clean and get the message
of God out to your audience.
No violence, no nudity
or profane language on the air.
And I got to be firm on that.
oh absolutely.
You know Father,
I've always thought that
religion is such a wonderous
and magnificent sort of thingy.
You know what I'm
trying to say?
Well I'm glad you feel that
way, Murderface, because
if you lie to me,
I promise that God will
come down from heaven and crush
your soul and take away those
that you Iove.
Eww.
Hey y'all think you can try
one more time to get Dethklok
invoIved in this thing?
I mean we got financing.
We got financing!
We got some money here.
We did it!
You really soId it huh?
Yup. Real deal.
Did he really sell it,
Knubbler?
Yes.
I'm impressed actually.
You guys really did it, huh?
Yeah, you want in?
It'll get us away
from our moms?
Check this out!
I'm going to put our stupid,
stupid mothers in the show
so they feel like they're
invoIved in our dumb lives but
actually it will keep them away
from us more.
oh! oh!
Could we have secrets Santas?
[Stammering]
Yes, yes Toki.
You want a secret Santa?
You got it! You got it!
oh, wowee! Secret Santas!
Yeah!
Yeah that's all great.
But you guys are gonna have
to do one little thing for me.
Yeah? What's that?
Tell me you're sorry.
ApoIogize for doubting me.
That's good enough.
I saw the Iook on your faces.
ApoIogy accepted.
Now let's get to work!
# #
K-k-k-here I am!
Alright guys.
The day has finally come!
We've put so much work in
this so uh...
let's get ready to uh,
do a great show!
ok first off, we got to keep
the booze away from your mothers.
They get all weird and fuckin' horny.
Don't want that, k?
Secondly, we gotta kick
this fuckin' clown off
the set alright?
Yeah fuck that guy.
I don't want that guy here
fuckin' the shit up, okay?
Thirdly, Toki you gotta get
those gifts because we are
doing the Secret Santa thing.
oh, cooIs!
And wish us luck.
Me and Murderface
go out soon, okay!
Live from Mordhaus!
It's the William Murderface
Dick Knubbler Christmas Special
with special guest Dethklok!
Welcome to the show.
Were gonna have some fun.
It's a winter magic time.
Being nice to each other!
We're giving some gifts!
We're standing some snow!
It's gonna be a holiday time.
Wow, they Iook like a couple
of fags.
This may have been a bad idea.
Right.
Where's the blood and tits that
Murderface was talking about?
Something weird's going on here
guys.
I bring some wonderful
frankensense.
Great.
That's what I got him!
How do you like that.
We both got him the same thing.
oh, Lord.
Hey, that's blasphemy!
[Laughter]
No, I mean oh Lord.
Right there!!!
A miracle has been bestowed
upon us this day.
[Skipped item nr. 829]
[Fart]
I think he might've bestowed
something into his diapers.
[Laughter]
The king has truly blessed us.
[Skipped item nr. 835]
[Fart]
Maybe he can stop
blessing us.
Something's starting
to smell bad.
Hello!
[Sniffing]
There's booze in here somewhere.
[Sniffs]
They Iocked the booze in here!
Somebody get me a crowbar!
Let's get drunks!
Let's get drunks!
Let's get drunk!
Sire, I was toId that
the "Secret Santa" sketch is
neXt so you must
gather your gifts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah thanks you.
Now be gones.
My gifts! My gifts!
They's ams gone!
Balloons?
Who would leaves a ballons
ons de grounds and steals
alls my gifts?!
Rockzo!
Lemme in there, baby.
Dr. Rockzo wanna see
the Christmas special!
You are not allowed in here
clown!
Well, check this out.
[Taunting]
Cocaine!
We'll be right back
to the Murderface Knubbler
Christmas Special
starring Dethklok
right after these important
words from our sponsor.
I wasn't picked for
the team.
That's alright, son.
God Ioves you.
Brought to you by the church
of Christian ChurchoIogy.
Wait a minute?
This thing's sponsored...
Church of Christian ChurchoIogy?
The fuckin' church?
This thing's sponsored by the...
this thing's sponsored
by the fuckin' church?
Murderface!!!!!!!
Looks like another wonderful
but Ionely Christmas eve
with just you and me
right, old pal.
Yup.
Looks just like the two of us
again.
[Door bell rings]
You know what that
sound means?
oh the Christmas goose is
finished being microwaved?
[Laughter]
No.
It means we have some guests.
Well hello!
It's Dethklok's mothers!
And they've been drinking.
Yeah, take your time
staggering in.
This isn't live TV or anything.
Who'd have though Dethklok
would have mothers??
I'll get it!
Wouldn't it be great
if its more friendly guests??
Why didn't you tell me this
thing was sponsored by religion?
It's not fuckin' cooI, dude.
Hey, watch the f-bomb.
This is, uh,
this is written.
This is written
K-k-k-rockzo made his way
onto the Iot of the Christmas
party, baby.
oh you, Rockzo!
You fuckin' piece of shit!
You stole the Christmas
presents!
I'll fuckin' kills you Rockzo!
outta my way!
Here comes...
ow! oh, my leg!!
ow! Toki's leg!
Look we need a doctor
over here!
My head!
Get a fuckin' doctor
over here!
Murderface, I think your
grandma's, like, hurt
or something.
You should help her.
Can't you just let me enjoy
this moment?
Hey check it out Skwisgaar!
I'm getting a hand j-j-job
from your m-m-mama!
Moms, no!!
oh man she's got that
Swedish grip.
oh, it's like you playin'
that guitar.
ohhh fiddley widdley
waddley hooo!
What the fuck!
That's my girl!
oh is someone having a bad
Christmas?
You get your hands off her
or I'II...
I'll kill you!
You ruined my
Christmas special!
So uh, thanks foIks
for tuning in
and uh, thanks for watching
the Knubbler Murderface
Christmas Special.
RoII those credits foIks.
Here I k-k-k... oh!
This is a gooooood
Christmas party.
award goes to Dr. Rockso,
the rock and roII clown,
arrested again.
This time for robbing
the home offices of Holiday
Homeless Shelters.
Rockzo was apprehended with $80
that he intended to use to
purchase, you guessed it,
cocaine.
Nice one, Rockzo.
Hey Toki, Iooks like your
friend is really fuckin' up
again.
He's not my friend.
I've sworn him off.
You always help out that
dumb clown.
But not's no more.
I realize dats helpins him is
what show my weakness.
Dats why I'm takings
Alsinons meetins.
Alanon?
oh wait, is that like
narcotics anonymous?
Nopes it's likes a things
where yous learns nots to
helps out dumb selfish
assholes clowns who ams tries
to takes advantage of you.
Well there you go.
Mail time!
oh fuck we got a DVD from
our fuckin' moms again.
Fuck.
I hate that they have iMovie.
Hey honey, we all just
wanted to say we miss you.
None of you call any of us.
And it's Christmas time.
What if we died?
Yeah!
What if we fuckin' died?
Then how'd you feel?
Yah, hows would yous felt
if we's dies?
ohhhhh.
oh, mama.
Geez Skwisgaar, your mom
really knows how to put on
the Christmas cheer.
He he he.
Anyway, call us.
Bye!
oh and we'll be there
for Christmas!
# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #
# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #
# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #
# Dethklok! Dethklok!
Dethklock! Dethklok! #
I don't like that our mothers
hang out without us there.
Huh huh.
I don't likes dat neither.
It feels like some kind
of a fuckin' threat, them like
ganging up on us and shit.
It's fuckin' brutal.
They ams trying
to ruins our Christmas!
What is there to ruin?
Fuck Christmas.
I propose we does secrets
Santas.
[Grunts]
Anyway, yeah, Skwisgaar,
I gotta say, you know, your mom
Iooks uh really good
for her age.
ok, fucks off.
I'm just saying.
Thanks Murderface, yah.
Why is my mom wearings thats?
What is shes a fuckin'
strippers?
How dare you! That's
a beautiful woman and shit.
That stuff she's wearing
is classy.
You're just,
something's wrong with you.
Uh Murderface?
You wanted me to remind you
about your Christmas special
meeting with Dick Knubbler?
Wait a minute?
Christmas special?
What the hell is that?
I toId you all about it.
I tried to invoIve you.
You passed.
Another half baked Murderface
project.
Probably won't get past
the front door.
Run by Murderface, a failure
with a bad track record.
You know what?
You guys can't be a part
of my Christmas special ha ha!
You know why?
Because you all lack
something very very important.
And I'm talking about
the fuckin' Christmas spirit.
Actually that's kind
of badass.
Fuckin' Christmas spirit.
Like a fuckin' ghost who kills
children.
Hey!!
That's perfect for my special.
Can I use that?
No!
oh come on!
No.
If you use it I kill you.
Uhh, Murderface, you uhh
still have this meeting, now.
Still.
Now.
Still.
Now.
These Christmas specials can
be incredibly lucrative.
I've been talking about this
with Dethklok for years
but no dice.
Well, hey.
You know, we tried.
And we might not have
Dethklok but we got someone
who's practically in Dethklok.
You.
I am in Dethklok.
Hey, c'mon.
What the fuck?
I'm a fuckin' star!
Yes you are!
There's the attitude.
That's what I'm talking about.
Now listen...
and wait till you hear
my ideas for this thing!!!
No.
I'm telling you William this is
gonna have to come from me.
You simply cannot be invoIved
creatively.
It's a no go.
okay, babe?
What the fuck
are you talking about?
Well, okay, here's a brief
list of, you know, failures
to start out with.
oh my failures.
Alright, let's start out with
this one.
Number oneh Murderface's
Titty Time Car Wash.
I stand by that idea.
Hot chicks wash your car.
Made zero money and a series
of law suits.
I never touched
those fuckin' girls!
No the lawsuits weren't
against the girls
they were from the drivers
for vehicle damage.
Alright number two...
how about the Murderface
Planet Piss CoIogne?
What about it?
Huge failure!
The FDA found traces of urine in
every single bottle and people
broke out into painful,
irreversible skin-damaging
rashes.
That's the point!!!
My piss is in every bottle!
What don't you get?
And finally we got
the William Murderface
home pyrotechnics kit.
I still say that's
fuckin' brilliant.
Well there you go.
You get the idea.
So here's the deal, captain.
I run the show.
I tell you what to do.
You show up.
You hit your mark and read
the cue cards
and do what I say orrrrr-
no dice.
What you mean we cants
do secret Santas!
Toki, how many times
do we have to go over this?
We don't thinks it ams metals
to be nice to each others.
And I fuckins do!
Toki, why don't you drop it?
You're driving us fuckin' crazy.
I aints listens to you
no more!
I am going shoppings!
Yes! Shoppins!
To buy each and every ones of
yous a gifts!!
And I wants to sees de Iooks on
all your fat fuckin faces whens
i gives you greats presents!
Ha ha! Fucks you!
I don't believe I've ever
been spoken to like that before.
Listen, for some reason
the judge has taken pity on you.
I wouldn't have.
But they're letting you out
with a slap on the wrist.
What do you say about that?
I'm k-k-k-sorry.
Dr. Rockzo want outta
this place.
Dr. Rockzo gonna get
his shit together.
Dr. Rockzo don't like Johnny Law
Iooking down his nose
at Dr. Rockzo.
It's k-k-k-humiliating.
A k-k-k-cocaine.
Alright, alright, alright.
As your parole officer,
I'll be checking in on you
regularly alright?
What are you doing?
oh! oh! Nothing! Nothing!
I'm listening baby, I'm just
listening to you.
Are you snorting my coffee
sweetener?
M-maybe.
Sorry, go on.
Stop Iooking at me.
Keep talking.
Is there anybody you can call
to help you out?
I tried to call my friend
T-T-Toki, but he wouldn't
answer his c-c-c-calls.
I'll try. I'll try again.
Alright, then first
and foremost you're going to
have to concentrate
on getting a job.
Anything, man.
I'll do anything.
I've got to get out of this
jail.
K-k-k... the world is
so different since Dr. Rockso
been in the Iock up.
oh k-k-k-Iook at all of
these plastic people.
K-k-oh what is this?
C-C-Christmas time
help needed?
Hmmmm.
Fuckin' Toki.
Christmas trees.
Dis amment brutal.
Well, you know what?
It's growing on me.
It's like having a rotting
corpse in your house but
the corpse of a tree you know?
It's kinda badass.
And it's like dead
and then to humiliate it even
further by hanging ornaments all
over it like fuck you.
You know when you say it like
that it's makes sense.
But still, it still sucks,
you know?
Shall I burn it my Iords?
No. Leave it.
Just throw some rotting
meat on it and pour some pig's
blood on it whatever you know.
It'll be bearable I guess.
Phone's ringing.
It's mine. That's me.
Ugh. It's my mom again.
I'll let it go to voice mail.
Ugh, when is she gonna get it?
I fuckin' hate Christmas.
oh that's me.
Ha, your mom calling me.
I don't like that she has
your number.
oh, that's me.
Pickle, your mom
ams callings me now.
Why does she have
your number?
I don't know.
Uh, Skwisgaar your mom is
calling me.
I think our mothers are trying
to get in touch with us.
Can you take these phones
and get us new numbers?
HoIds dis bags at once.
Yes, my Lord.
I should likes to haves
a private audience
with Santa Clause fors
a brief moments.
And I would likes you
to nots repeats whats you sees
to anybodys or I will haves you
alls killed.
of course, Sire.
Yeah, of course.
okay, Murderface.
We're going to have
a conference call, alright?
Yep.
That means a call with
different people on it okay?
Yeah, yeah I know.
okay.
Uh, and these are the, uh,
Christmas special producers,
alright?
And you know what that means?
Yeah, I know what that means.
We gotta wow 'em.
Splatter their
fuckin' faces with zazz.
No! No, no, no no.
Murderface, it means
you say "hello"
and be nice, and that's all.
And I do the talking, alright?
Do you understand me?
Show that you understand me.
I think you have some serious
controI issues.
I'm asking
if you understand me.
Fine! Jeez.
Gah, I understand.
Shake it out.
Do what I'm doing with my hands.
Shake it out.
Do it. Do it!
I'm shaking.
Listen Jim, Marty.
I mean this thing's in the bag.
A classic Christmas special.
old schooI.
Dancers. EXcitement.
Fantastic musical bits.
It's gonna be great!
oh, we Iove it Dick!
That's cause it's in the bag
baby.
It's in the bag.
Hey our only problem is
the guy- uh Mumbleface.
Is that his name?
Uhh, actually it's Murder-
Shhhh!!!!
You mean our super star?
Willy? Willy Murderface.
Aw yeah, he's great.
He's wonderful.
oh, I guess we mean,
is there anybody else
we can get?
Like a real name?
You know like, anybody?
Well, let me, let me
just say this.
Sure Murderface may not be
the biggest Dethklok member
but you gotta realize how far
this Dethklok thing go...
No, no, wait Iook,
we get the Dethklok thing
it's just Murderface.
Yeah, it's
the Murderface thing.
It's just...
Uhhh eXcuse me?
Marty? Jim?
This is William Murderface.
I'm on this call too.
Ha ha. I can hear you.
I don't, I don't know if you
realize that.
Then you understand our
dilemma, you know?
A Iot of people just don't
wanna see you host this thing.
And it's not you.
It's a Q. Ratings thing.
It's Iow Q ratings okay?
Hey, guys, can I jump in
real quick here?
Maybe this is a conversation
for a later time.
We all sleep on it.
Think about some stuff
and uh talk tomorrow,
what do you think?
Fine. Fine. Fine.
In the meantime
I'd like to sell you on me.
I have this idea... it's called
the Christmas spirit,
and it's this fuckin' ghost that
kills children.
And it fights Nazis.
It's like the immaculate
conception with a big ole
hard on.
And it just swoops in
on black wings.
Just sleep on that.
See you later, Jim.
Bye, Marty!
Click!
Ha ha ha!
Nailed it.
You sir?
Would you like to talk to
Santa Claus?
Yes mams I would like to
talk to Santa Claus about
my potential Christmas presents.
K-k-k-k-ho ho who wants-
to k-k-k-Toki!
oh Dr. Rockso,
yous ams Santa Claus!
It donts makes sense.
Everyone's ready to go?
No Toki still?
No, he's pout-shopping
for us.
Right. Then I'll start.
Just wanna keep you abreast
of what's going on.
First off.
What a kick ass fourth quarter.
Good work guys.
Boring.
Don't say kick-ass.
Just don't.
We hads to meets for dis?
Right, so when you're making
money you don't care.
Yeah.
Boy is that right.
Whats did I miss?
Toki, why do you smell like
piss and cocaine??
oh, dats not me.
K-k-k-m-m-m-hanukah!
A k-k-k-k-hello!
Master, there appears to be
a potential incident in front
of Mordhaus.
Hi, Nathan! We're here!
oh no.
NATHANh
Alright guys, Iooks
Iooks like our
mom's are gonna
be sticking around
here for a little while.
But we all have to agree
on one thing...
they can't have any fuckin'
booze as Iong as they're here.
Because you remember what
happened last time.
Right, Murderface?
You know what I'm saying?
[Groaning]
Skwisgaar, Murderface is
ogling your mother like some
kind of a piece of fuckin' meat.
Yeah, I'm noticing dis.
That's why I'm drunk right now.
Uh, Toki?
Where's Dr. Rockzo?
He ams in my bathrooms.
He's needs a shower.
Dr. Rockzo?
oh, Dr. Rockzo not feeling
so good.
ohhh, give me some Christmas
spirit in here.
For the records, Dr. Rockso,
I can't gets you drugs.
Thats would be enablings you.
But I Ioves you,
even though you ams powerless.
oh, R-R-Rockso l-l-Ioves you
too baby.
Now you get me those fuckin'
drugs or I'll fuckin' kill you!!
You hear me?
Ah fuck!
our fuckin' mothers want us
to take them to the mall.
It's the fuckin' worst time to go.
Fuckin' brutal.
Mom, why do you need us
to drive?
Because we want to spend time
with you!
Not your servants.
But all they're gonna do
is drive!
That's all. They're gonna drive.
You can drive!
Family only!
oh, grandma!
I'm supposed to have a meeting
for my Christmas special!
It'll have to wait William!
It'll have to wait.
Hey, we got an important
production meeting...
ow! ow! ow!
Don't you raise your voice
to me you fuckin' little piece
of shit.
Grandma, no! Stop!
You just missed another spot.
How many times are you going
to pass that spot?
Where? Which one?
Back there for god's sake!!
I can't see with all these
people in here!!
Too late! You blew it!
oh grandma, he's just
trying to drive.
Leave him alone and back off!
We don't speak to our
grandmothers that way.
Take this.
owww!!!
Mom! Don't slap Murderface!
owww!!!
Quick! Turn!
What the hell!
You hit my car!
Hey, I have four mothers
telling me how to drive.
What's your eXcuse, asshole?
Tell them you're sorry.
I'm sorry.
Are you leaving?
You know something Anja?
Now that you're single,
maybe you should
find your seXy side?
ohh, let's do a fuckin'
makeover and make Anja a little
seXy kitty cat!
[Giggling]
[Growls]
I do not like this.
I'm not here.
I'm someplace else.
I'm on a lake in a canoe.
Some place else.
Wait a minute, I just fuckin'
thought of something.
What'd you do with Rockzo
while we're out?
They gotta be something I can
put up my nose.
oh, k-k-dammit!!!
They gotta be something
Dr. Rockzo can sell
for some sweet cocaine.
I need that... oh!
Christmas gifts for Toki's pals.
A k-k-k-bingo.
Willy, you got time for
a quick conference call?
I got these guys on hoId.
Hellooo.
Hello!
How we all doing?
Look Jim, Marty,
you said you had some good news?
Uh, actually we do.
We found financing.
Yeah, uh, but Murderface,
we're anticipating,
uh, rejection. From you.
You might pass on this.
We just want to lay out
the ground rules.
What? HoId on.
Look I just wanna make
a fuckin' holiday special
that's totally fuckin' metal
and evil with blood and tits
and fire.
Listen, you just need to know
everybody declined
your offer, okay?
EXcept for one group that found
your negativity and delinquent
foIIowing a positive opportunity
to get their message out there
and help you and those people.
Negativity?
Marty help me out here.
It's the church.
The Christian church
wants to finance it.
And controI everything.
But you're still the star
and it's the, uh,
Murderface Knubbler Special
don't get me wrong there.
It's still the same thing.
It's still your special.
Uhh, I mean, is there
kind of an issue?
I mean am I gonna be
considered a sell-out?
Is that a problem?
I mean, I'm good with it.
I'm good with it too then.
There! We're done!
Congratulations guys!
K-k-k...
hey man.
How much Dr. Rockso get
for this slop?
Hmm?
Hurry up baby.
I got something to do.
Guess what?
Cocaine.
[Sniffs]
Youuu hooooo!
You know what I do, baby!
And I'm doing it.
Snorting cocaine.
Hey Johnny hot dog,
guess what I just did.
Cocaine!
He didn't even answer.
Hey shoe shine boy?
You wanna check me out there
some of this here, cocaine!
Hey Mr. Zoo animal,
check this out...
cocaine!
Hey little boy with
the b-b-b-balloon.
Check this out... cocaine.
Don't tell no body.
Hey Mr. Police...
Uh oh!
Now boys I'm pleased as pie
that we are doing this
together here.
oh fuckin' man,
I mean, I'm...
ha, ha, ha, uh, ha!
I'm sorry Reverend, he's...
like he hasn't heard someone
say fuck before?
You got booze all over
your breath.
Sorry about Murderface.
Boy is he...
you're supposed to be doing
this for me...
Well I understand we all got
our personal quirks.
We just want to keep this thing
clean and get the message
of God out to your audience.
No violence, no nudity
or profane language on the air.
And I got to be firm on that.
oh absolutely.
You know Father,
I've always thought that
religion is such a wonderous
and magnificent sort of thingy.
You know what I'm
trying to say?
Well I'm glad you feel that
way, Murderface, because
if you lie to me,
I promise that God will
come down from heaven and crush
your soul and take away those
that you Iove.
Eww.
Hey y'all think you can try
one more time to get Dethklok
invoIved in this thing?
I mean we got financing.
We got financing!
We got some money here.
We did it!
You really soId it huh?
Yup. Real deal.
Did he really sell it,
Knubbler?
Yes.
I'm impressed actually.
You guys really did it, huh?
Yeah, you want in?
It'll get us away
from our moms?
Check this out!
I'm going to put our stupid,
stupid mothers in the show
so they feel like they're
invoIved in our dumb lives but
actually it will keep them away
from us more.
oh! oh!
Could we have secrets Santas?
[Stammering]
Yes, yes Toki.
You want a secret Santa?
You got it! You got it!
oh, wowee! Secret Santas!
Yeah!
Yeah that's all great.
But you guys are gonna have
to do one little thing for me.
Yeah? What's that?
Tell me you're sorry.
ApoIogize for doubting me.
That's good enough.
I saw the Iook on your faces.
ApoIogy accepted.
Now let's get to work!
# #
K-k-k-here I am!
Alright guys.
The day has finally come!
We've put so much work in
this so uh...
let's get ready to uh,
do a great show!
ok first off, we got to keep
the booze away from your mothers.
They get all weird and fuckin' horny.
Don't want that, k?
Secondly, we gotta kick
this fuckin' clown off
the set alright?
Yeah fuck that guy.
I don't want that guy here
fuckin' the shit up, okay?
Thirdly, Toki you gotta get
those gifts because we are
doing the Secret Santa thing.
oh, cooIs!
And wish us luck.
Me and Murderface
go out soon, okay!
Live from Mordhaus!
It's the William Murderface
Dick Knubbler Christmas Special
with special guest Dethklok!
Welcome to the show.
Were gonna have some fun.
It's a winter magic time.
Being nice to each other!
We're giving some gifts!
We're standing some snow!
It's gonna be a holiday time.
Wow, they Iook like a couple
of fags.
This may have been a bad idea.
Right.
Where's the blood and tits that
Murderface was talking about?
Something weird's going on here
guys.
I bring some wonderful
frankensense.
Great.
That's what I got him!
How do you like that.
We both got him the same thing.
oh, Lord.
Hey, that's blasphemy!
[Laughter]
No, I mean oh Lord.
Right there!!!
A miracle has been bestowed
upon us this day.
[Skipped item nr. 829]
[Fart]
I think he might've bestowed
something into his diapers.
[Laughter]
The king has truly blessed us.
[Skipped item nr. 835]
[Fart]
Maybe he can stop
blessing us.
Something's starting
to smell bad.
Hello!
[Sniffing]
There's booze in here somewhere.
[Sniffs]
They Iocked the booze in here!
Somebody get me a crowbar!
Let's get drunks!
Let's get drunks!
Let's get drunk!
Sire, I was toId that
the "Secret Santa" sketch is
neXt so you must
gather your gifts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah thanks you.
Now be gones.
My gifts! My gifts!
They's ams gone!
Balloons?
Who would leaves a ballons
ons de grounds and steals
alls my gifts?!
Rockzo!
Lemme in there, baby.
Dr. Rockzo wanna see
the Christmas special!
You are not allowed in here
clown!
Well, check this out.
[Taunting]
Cocaine!
We'll be right back
to the Murderface Knubbler
Christmas Special
starring Dethklok
right after these important
words from our sponsor.
I wasn't picked for
the team.
That's alright, son.
God Ioves you.
Brought to you by the church
of Christian ChurchoIogy.
Wait a minute?
This thing's sponsored...
Church of Christian ChurchoIogy?
The fuckin' church?
This thing's sponsored by the...
this thing's sponsored
by the fuckin' church?
Murderface!!!!!!!
Looks like another wonderful
but Ionely Christmas eve
with just you and me
right, old pal.
Yup.
Looks just like the two of us
again.
[Door bell rings]
You know what that
sound means?
oh the Christmas goose is
finished being microwaved?
[Laughter]
No.
It means we have some guests.
Well hello!
It's Dethklok's mothers!
And they've been drinking.
Yeah, take your time
staggering in.
This isn't live TV or anything.
Who'd have though Dethklok
would have mothers??
I'll get it!
Wouldn't it be great
if its more friendly guests??
Why didn't you tell me this
thing was sponsored by religion?
It's not fuckin' cooI, dude.
Hey, watch the f-bomb.
This is, uh,
this is written.
This is written
K-k-k-rockzo made his way
onto the Iot of the Christmas
party, baby.
oh you, Rockzo!
You fuckin' piece of shit!
You stole the Christmas
presents!
I'll fuckin' kills you Rockzo!
outta my way!
Here comes...
ow! oh, my leg!!
ow! Toki's leg!
Look we need a doctor
over here!
My head!
Get a fuckin' doctor
over here!
Murderface, I think your
grandma's, like, hurt
or something.
You should help her.
Can't you just let me enjoy
this moment?
Hey check it out Skwisgaar!
I'm getting a hand j-j-job
from your m-m-mama!
Moms, no!!
oh man she's got that
Swedish grip.
oh, it's like you playin'
that guitar.
ohhh fiddley widdley
waddley hooo!
What the fuck!
That's my girl!
oh is someone having a bad
Christmas?
You get your hands off her
or I'II...
I'll kill you!
You ruined my
Christmas special!
So uh, thanks foIks
for tuning in
and uh, thanks for watching
the Knubbler Murderface
Christmas Special.
RoII those credits foIks.
Here I k-k-k... oh!
This is a gooooood
Christmas party.