Metalocalypse (2006–2013): Season 3, Episode 2 - TributeKlok - full transcript

The big news of the day...

Dethklok bailed out

of performing at the Michigan

"Metal Health" Alliance benefit

because as stated by

William Murderface,

"they weren't making

any money off of it."

But the real back lash

happened when Murderface,

representing Dethklok appeared



on a popular political

talk show.

Dethklok doesn't owe you

shit pal, or anybody else.

You need me to spell it out

for you fine, I will!

Hey, everybody in

the whole fuckin' world!

We're Dethklok!

And you can just suck our

krillionaire cock!

We can't afford to pay our

mortgages and Dethklok

is laughing at us!



Fuck them!

They've gotten too big,

they used to be one of us!

# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #

# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #

# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #

# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #

# Doodily ding dong
tick-tock #

# Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok!

Dethklok! #

# I'II... teach you...

to... rock... #

# Dethklok, Dethklok #

# Skwisgaar Skwigelf,

taller than a tree #

# Toki Wartooth,

not a bumblebee #

# William Murderface

Murderface Murderface #

# Pickles the drummer
doodily doo #

ding dong doodily
doodily doo #

# Nathan EXplosion #

# #

Fuck them!

They've gotten too big.

They used to be one of us!

Alright guys, this is

costing us several million

doIlars to destroy this report.

I want you to know that,

William.

A Iot of stuff that you don't

know about goes into silencing

the media.

First off, we need to make

agreements with all participants

to evict all information

from the record.

That of course includes

rounding up all participants.

What the fuck?!

And of course if there are

any problems

we'll have to deal with them.

You can take this waiver

and shove it up your ass!

Let it be known that

the participant is belligerent.

Noted.

Participant slated for mental

reprogramming,

facial reconstructive surgery,

and relocation.

[Groaning]

Well you guys don't need

to know everything that goes

into it.

Just know it's a Iong,

complicated eXpensive process.

This isn't my face!

This happens every time you,

William, have a media disaster,

which is often.

Why is everybody

blaming me?

You consistently make us

Iook like a bunch of dumb,

rich, sheltered assholes.

We should put's a fuckin'

muzzle on dat guys.

Toki?

Ams you wearings my pants?

What's? Shuts up.

Dammits Murderface!

We puts a muzzle on you asshole!

Boy dids you fuck up!

I would likes my pants back.

Fuck you, Toki!

I'll take that shit from

these assholes but not you.

Well regardless Murderface.

Fuck you!

Right.

Furthermore,

due to this backlash

we decided to get closer to the

fans by lifting the world-wide

ban on Dethklok tribute bands.

And, uh, you don't have to

worry about that now.

We'll get to it tomorrow.

My Iords your jet to Ibiza

awaits.

What the fuck are we going

to Ibiza for?

Well it's the Iocation of

the pentuplemint gum company.

You all participated in

a monster European ad campaign

for Pentuplemint gum

and the premiere's tonight.

Yeah, Pentuplemint,

like Pentagram.

That's fuck bad-ass.

Right guys?

Yeah, it's totally bad-ass

and brutal.

Pentuplemint gum.

# [Dance music plays] #

this is a pretty metal party.

Yeah!

Hey you get over here.

What are those?

This is a sugar crusted

bacon-wrapped chilean sea bass

seared in a platinum pan

just how you like it, sire.

ohhh! Dear god, that's good.

oh kick ass, they're gonna

show our bubblegum premiere.

oh brutal!

You know Murderface,

you might have

fuck up some fuck,

but at least this has got

the Dethklok stamp of approval.

And it's gonna be fuck

bad-ass!

And it's gonna be

fuck metal!

# oh when you're

feeling alright #

# you know you really gotta #

# and it's really times #

# to rock and roII! #

# super squares are

the magical thing #

# it's a hob nobby dildo

that's shaking a tree #

# i'm talking pentuplemint

spearmint gum #

# i'm talking pentuplemint

spearmint gum #

# i'm talking pentuplemint

spearmint gum #

fuck seriously chewy.

[Silent crowd]

oohhh.

That was not very good.

Hey, you're Nathan EXplosion

right?

Uh, yeah.

Get away from me.

I just want to say I think

you're a real sell-out

and I ain't buying no more

of your records.

Take this fuck head.

Fuck you.

Pentuplemint gum's fuck lame!

You should know that.

Dude it's okay!

It's a European ad!

Come back!

It's a Europeans ads.

It doesn't make a difference!

I thought it didn't makes

a difference!

Uh, apparently it does.

Fuck.

I think that fuck kid

was right.

What are we doing?

Selling gum in Europe?

There's nothing brutal

about that.

We wouldn't have done that

when we started out.

It's not just Murderface,

it's us.

Maybe we should just get used

to being sell-outs.

We're totally out of touch.

You know right?

Right super model

that I just fuck'd?

Cfoh welcome back everyone.

You Iook a little tired,

a little hung over.

Let's get right into this.

Since the lifting of the

worldwide ban on Dethklok

tribute bands, there has been

an eXplosion all around

the globe.

As per the terms of the vote,

Dethklok retains the right

of approval or disapproval of

each band.

Let's begin.

First, from Boulder, CoIorado,

Smoothklok, who perform

smooth jazz versions of

Dethklok songs.

SKWISGAARh
Yeah that's ams

pretty crappsy.

ToKlh
Gots to admits

it's brutal though.

NATHANh
Brutal as in, like,

what if I had to listen

to this shit.

CFoh
This is Ladyklok, an

all-female tribute to Dethklok.

ALLh
Nooo.

MURDERFACEh
Women are

physically incapable of

achieving brutality.

It's just a cruel fact

of nature.

That Lady Pickles is pretty

cute though.

That's kind of creepy.

No it isn't.

She does have pretty eyes.

From Korea, Dethkrok.

No.

The Barbarklok Quintet.

No.

Christklok.

Uhh.

Thunderhorse.

Noo.

Yes.

Sorry Toki? Did I hear a yes?

I likes 'em. NeXt band.

Wait a minute.

Are you kiddings Toki?

Look at them guys.

I thinks they're pretty cooI.

Wait a minute!

No that's pretty cooI.

Let's move on.

Wait! Stop the video!!

Zoom in.

CIoser.

To the right.

Right there.

That's Toki.

MURDERFACEh
It is!

Holy shit.

You're in a tribute band

paying tribute to yourself?

That's like jacking off to

a picture of yourself online.

Which I've done.

of course I'm not's paying

tribute to myself.

In Thunderhorse, I'm Skwisgaar.

Dats why my pants and shirts

keep disappearing!

Dats fuckin' weird dudes.

Well, we're really good.

We plays every Thursday night.

Wait a minute!

Thursday night?

That's impossible!

You have astronaut class

on Thursday night.

Astronaut class is a lie?!!

I've been telling everybody

that you're going to be

an astronaut.

Now you're making me Iook

like an asshole!

Now waits, waits!

Give us a chance.

Come sees us play!

Uhhh, I don't know.

Wait a minute.

Tribute band, crappy club,

real people...

Maybe we should go.

Wow.

What a shit hole.

Look at that stage.

It's fuckin' tiny!

PICKLESh
oh, wait no dude,

it's just an optical illusion.

It just Iooks small because

it's real far away.

Check it out... I'll walk

all the way over to it.

Holy shit, it's tiny!

Hey uh, I'm Jimmy Palamino,

uh Palamino Tribute band

Emporium.

Your home to the best,

to the neXt best thing

to the best.

It's my pleasure to welcome to

the stage Norman BIowup,

Pockles the Drummer,

Tooki Wolfpaint,

Billy Butterface

and Skwisgaar Skwigelf.

Didn'ts even change my name?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Thunderhorse!

Hey guys, are you ready

to get brutal?

# #

Toki!

You gotta let us into your band.

I agrees.

I think this is just what

we needs.

But we already gots a you.

Me.

Well fines then.

I'll be you.

A much betters you.

It'll be perfect!

We'll be regular jackoffs!

No one will even know it's us

if we're in our own tribute

group!

You all want to join

Thunderhorse?

Yes. We do.

We're going to take a break

from the fuckin' disgusting

asshole rich life.

And what better way to do that

than by joining a tribute band

to the greatest band

in the world.

Dethklok!

But Nathan's we can't kicks

everyones out of de bands!

It's their tribute band!

Fuck that, watch this.

Hey you guys, fuckin' scram.

Bye bye.

Fired.

You don't have to go home

but you can't stay here.

Bye bye.

Uhhhh,

they're not getting it.

Look guys, we're only

thinking about what's best

for Thunderhorse here.

Alright how 'bout this.

You guys got about five seconds

to get out of here then

the beatings begin.

5...

get out, scram...

4,3...

even me?

No, no no. You're special.

We need you. Just kidding.

Yes, you too, pug nose.

Scramarooney.

on through that door.

Go on.

Get out of here!

Gentlemen, we are faced with

a volatile situation.

Dethklok has deliberately

stepped down from celebrity

status in an attempt

to meld into normal society.

If this type of behavior

spread to the greater

celebrity world, the effects

could be devastating.

We have a celebrity

specialist to tell us more.

Gentlemen, once a mortal

becomes a celebrity,

their credibility is constantly

challenged by regular jackoffs.

This of course

sends them in search of their

innocence and former naivete.

When these celebrities

realize they can no Ionger be

who they were they become

despondent self-hating zombies

and flee from the public.

If Dethklok withdrawals the

consequences will be abominable.

The economy would begin

to fall upon itself and world

relations would crumble.

We all die.

Good god.

our worst nightmare.

EXactly.

What can we do?

Right now, nothing.

We can only pray that

by some miracle,

Dethklok comes to their senses.

Thank you!

We are Thunderhorse, a tribute

to the greatest band in the

world... Dethklok.

Good night!

Man can you believe this?

I mean, this is what we were

talking about not too Iong ago.

This fuckin' lifestyle,

five sweaty dudes

in a shitty little room.

No bull shit,

fancy caterings

and top-shelf booze...

yeah, and no wide screen tvs

to throw our empty

champagne bottles through.

Hey, nice job, guys.

You almost sound like

the real thing.

Anyway, here's a few

beer tickets. on the house.

Beer tickets?

I think he said,

"beer tickets."

Beer tickets?

I don't know what that is.

Well these are good for any

of the cheap domestics.

Yeah, let's try your little

theory out, shit head.

You do it, I'm not doing it.

I'll do it, I don't care.

Yeah do it Pickles,

see what happens!

Stand and wait for him.

Go. Go go, go go go.

Uhh, I have a beer ticket

for one beer please.

What is he doing?

What happened?

Guys! It's a beer!

You mean that that things

he gaves you ams likes little

monies what ams only for beers?

How come Dethklok never got

beer tickets before?

Yeah what the hell?

okay, this is bullshit

all right?

All we ever get is

all the booze we can drink.

We never get beer tickets.

Hey uh, eXcuse me?

Are you Norman BIowup?

Uh, yeah. That's who I am.

I'm heading up the Pontiac

Michigan Metal Health

Alliance Benefit and would Iove

for you guys to play it.

Uh lady.

I don't think so.

We don't do that kind of thing.

Wait, guys.

Dethklok would never do

something like this, but

Thunderhorse would.

We'll do it.

Thunderhorse is going

to be there.

Yeah you can count on them.

I know of a party at this

dude's house, and I think

his parents are out of town.

Will there be people there

we can get in touch with our

roots with, like ugly chicks?

Probably.

We're going.

This is it, guys.

Hanging out with regular

jackoffs.

I feel like we're finally

getting in touch with

our fuckin' roots...

and fuck guys, that's

pretty fuckin' awesome.

[Ioud rumble]

I think that's my stomach.

[Rumble]

I think that's me maybe.

[Rumbling continues]

Wait.

When was the last time we ate?

I don't know.

We usually get fed by our

servants.

But, they aren't here.

Right they ring that bell

and then we know

we're supposed to eat.

I don't remembers no ones

ringing no bells,

so that's means it's been days

since we ates.

Guys, I think we're starving.

I remember this.

Does we gots any monies?

Nope.

We got those beer tickets.

That's all.

Well how the fuck are we

gonna eat then?!

I got it.

We're hungry.

I'm going to get us a gig.

So you know, this gig

here doesn't pay but, you know,

when you're done you can have

all the spaghetti you want.

Dats fine.

Probably what we'd use our

money on anywayh spaghetti.

Yeah spaghetti.

Cut out the middleman.

So uhhh, I'm not seeing any

Ioad-in team.

Can you page them or whatever

and tell them to Ioad us in?

I'm started to get worried

about time here.

oh, no no no no.

There's no Ioad-in team.

You guys are gonna have

to set up your own gear.

Alright.

We're done Ioading in gear.

Murderface, you haven't even

Ioaded your gear in yet.

I'm not Ioading it.

I don't do that.

Dude, everyone Ioads in their

own stuff.

It's the rules!

oh like it matters.

I'll just fuckin' pretend play.

It won't be the first time.

What?

Nothin!

It won't be the first time

you pretend played?

Well that's good.

That's good to know.

# #

# [indistinct] #

# [music continues] #

# #

[people groaning]

Great.

The spaghetti is ruined.

We'll at least we got the gig

tonight at Palaminos.

We'll just make sure to not

get paid in beer ticket money,

but actual money.

Thank you! Good night!

Whoa, that's the smallest

audience we've ever played.

You guys must've forgotten

to flyer.

Flyering?

Am I from outer space?

What's flyering?

We have to print out some

advertisements,

write the information on there,

pass them out to people.

Boom! Everyone's here.

We'll be turning people away.

[Rumbling]

Looks like Dethklok's

stirring up things again!

The Pentuplemint Gum Company was

attacked earlier today by angry

Dethklok fans for

"eXploiting" the band.

The destruction cost the company

nearly 12 million in repairs

but who's really at fault here?

And where's Dethklok to

answer these questions?

Looks like it's a good time

to not be in Dethklok.

In related news,

the struggling Dethklok

tribute band, Thunderhorse, has

been signed to headline

the Metal Health Alliance

benefit.

Big deal! Who cares!

SIoppy seconds anyone?

Hmm.

Guys we don't have a Iot of

money,

so we're not going to get that

many flyers.

So we gotta place them very

strategically, all right?

We got to place them really,

really strategically.

NeXt.

oh Iook at you guys.

You're a band.

That's real eXciting.

Making flyers so

you can get big and famous?

Ugh, yeah.

We'd like to make flyers.

What's your band called?

Hey we're called uh, Thun-

never heard of you.

Surprise!

Dats why we ams gettings

flyers, so peoples knows whats

who we are.

And then you'll be a big rock

and roII star!!!

Wowie!

Another band.

If I wasn't so lethargic from

from hunger I'd, uh,

kick your ass and...

make copies of it here.

Copy.

That's my stomach,

making that sound.

Uhhhh.

Why are we here?

Why do we have

this stack of paper?

Passing out flyers.

Right. Fuck.

Why am I so fuckin' tired?

I mean I know I'm hungry,

but why am I so hungry?

I know why.

We haven't eaten.

We haven't had a good night

of sleep.

Well our sleeping situation

could be better.

[Skwisgaar moans]

Moves your arm.

Does you likes that?

Does you likes that?

Lets me knows if I tickles you.

[Rumbling]

Sorry that's my stomach.

So yeah.

We have a hundred flyers here,

that's it.

We need them to go out to

people who will come to a show.

Do not fuck this up,

Murderface.

And with the real Dethklok on

indefinite hiatus, tonight's

benefit is being touted

as the Iocal event of the year.

And it features the band that

sounds almost just like Dethklok

more or less.

[Nathan grunting]

CFoh
So, uh, this is what

you guys have been up to, huh?

No answer?

Getting back to your roots

been good?

Nathan?

Yes.

It's been really good.

You guys doing okay with

no money or accommodations?

We've been fine!

God!

Well uh,

you don't sound fine.

You sound agitated.

Hungry.

Miserable.

Anyway the reason I'm here is

that I caught wind

that "Thunderhorse" is doing

a health benefit.

You realize tonight is your uh,

Chefs from around the World

Taste Test party?

But we have an obligation and

Thunderhorse doesn't back down

on obligations... not like

some other bands.

Well uhh, I brought you guys

some Kobe beef fois gras

burgers.

No!!!!

We don't eat that fancy

eXpensive stuff anymore!!!

We're getting in touch

with our roots!!!!

Uhh, alright then.

Well, you guys know

how to get in touch with me.

Goodbye.

[Rumbling]

Thunderhorse!

Thunderhorse!

Thunderhorse!

Thunderhorse!

Thunderhorse!

Thunderhorse!

[Chanting continues]

Well uh, guys,

tonight's the big night...

metal health

alliance benefit

that we said we'd do.

You all feeling good?

[Clears throat]

Ugh.

[Sniffs]

Hey, you are Norman BIowup

from Thunderhorse right?

Yeah, yeah I am.

I just want to say I think

you are a fuckin' sell-out

for doing this health

benefit concert.

Dethklok would never do

something like this and you're

ruining their good name.

Fuck you!

You should know

better than that!

[Rumbling]

You know, uh, guys,

it's hard to say this but,

I've have my fuckin' fill

of getting back to our roots.

And, that's because it

fuckin' sucks.

I am so glad you said that.

I mean the reason we are

in Dethklok is because we all

paid our dues already.

I didn't.

I says we gets the fuck

out of here.

But dude we still have to do

that benefit.

We promised those guys

we'd do it!

Thunderhorse promised.

Not Dethklok.

Dethklok's getting the fuck

out of here and getting

some fuckin' food.

Waits stops!

We needs to tell thems that

we are going.

It's a health benefits!

We needs to do the right things!

Its a mob of angry people,

Toki.

Who do you wanna throw out

there to the fuckin' sharks?

Hello one and all.

I have a small announcement.

We want Thunderhorse!!

It would seem that

Thunderhorse will not be

performing this evening

as scheduled.

What? What the fuck?!

Hear me out.

I think if we can all just

remain calm.

Take this beer bottle on

your face.

Look, you fuckin' pricks!!

I don't have to take this kind

of bullshit from you

fuckin' dildos!!

I'm fuckin' William

fuckin' Murderface!

And you can suck

my millionaire cock!

[Angry shouting]

We're ready now.

Pick us up in our big

fancy fuckin' helicopter.

Thank you.