Merry Happy Whatever (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Harmony - full transcript

- Oh, hi.
- Hey.

Did you sleep okay?

I know it's kind of cramped
in that spare room

with the boxes of every appliance
my dad ever owned.

Yeah. Full disclosure, I got lonely
in the middle of the night

and spooned a Bowflex box.

Oh! Morning, sleepy-heads.
Eggies coming up! Yeah?

Oh, everyone's here.

Again.

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.

Mmm. We were just discussing our plans
for caroling tonight.



Yeah!

The best night of the year.

Well, and Christmas Eve. And Christmas.

And last night was pretty fun.

Wow, caroling. I, uh... I didn't think
people actually did that anymore.

They don't. That's why we do it.

Oh, actually,
Matt's not gonna be able to join us.

He just got asked to be
the opener to the opener

for this band, Hopalong,
playing in Philly tonight.

- Is the rest of the band in town?
- No, it's just me.

The other Monkey Diplomats are back in LA.

They're still batting names around.

Anyway, tonight will be a great chance
for Matt to showcase his solo stuff.

Oh.



So you're blowing off
caroling with the family?

I'm really sorry to miss it,

but this gig could be
a big opportunity for me.

It's not exactly like you're opening
for Springsteen,

who's opening for Sinatra, but...

Okay.

Hey, Emmy.

- Remember...
- I know.

Your friend Ted is coming by
to talk to me about his company today.

This is not just any company.

One of the biggest firms in Philadelphia.
A Fortune 500.

So is the company I work for in LA.

But LA doesn't have us.

Oh, I know.

- You weren't eating it, so I took it.
- But I... You're... You're...

Stop it.

Okay, babe, off to work. Busy day.

Take me with you.

Just kidding.

But please take me with you.

Thanks for breakfast, Pats.

You got a way with an egg.

Oh, thanks.

Not all eggs, apparently.

So...

Sorry, it's just, you know,
we're trying to get pregnant.

So maybe avoid any mention of eggs,

or babies, or mommies.

Caesar 'cause of cesarean.

Lego 'cause it rhymes with preggo.

You get it.

You got a name for that guy yet?

Why bother?

At some point
it'll just end up like my marriage.

Belly-up.

Aww.

Hey.

Would you consider
taking charge of caroling this year?

Hmm? Organizing the music.
Keeping us all in line.

You do have the best voice
in the entire family.

No, I don't.

Mom used to do it, but...

you know, we've gotten
kind of sloppy lately.

So...

would I be like...

Quinn Caroling Captain?

Well, we don't have to put a name to it...

Quinn Caroling Captain.

8:40.

This is gonna be a day.

So, I told Emmy that I had to buy
guitar strings for my show tonight.

She totally fell for it.

I also do need to buy guitar strings.

So she fell for the truth.

Okay, newbie. What's your big plan?

Oh, you mean
Operation Get Don and Nancy Together,

so that Don will loosen up and give me
his blessing to marry Emmy?

If it'll keep this moving, then sure.

Okay. So Don likes Nancy,
but he's too uptight to act on it.

So I'm thinking
I talk to him about his feelings.

Get him to open up
and convince him to get back out there.

You're gonna talk to Don
about his feelings?

Are you gonna do that
while you braid his hair?

Or as you both eat you way
to the middle of a long noodle?

Yeah, but he's not wrong
that Don and Nancy like each other.

And don't like Matt.

Nancy doesn't like me?

Oh, yeah. No.

Yeah, when you fainted at the ER,
she said a bunch of mean stuff.

- Funny though.
- Yeah.

And Don was eating it up.

It was like making fun of you
brought them closer.

Yeah. Okay, so how do we get them
back together and recreate that fun

"we hate Matt" vibe?

Well, that's the kind of company
D&P Financial is.

I mean, like yesterday, I got to announce
my division's Christmas bonuses.

Some people cried,
some people jumped up and down,

one guy fell down the stairs.

We have great health insurance though,
so it's fine.

Listen, uh, Mr. Boseman,

I really appreciate you coming by today.

I'm... I'm sure you're super busy,

and I've got all this family stuff
I have to do,

- so...
- Wait, wait!

I can't let you walk out of here

and tell your dad
that I didn't ask you to be my new VP

of client accounts.

But, you know, family...
They're not going anywhere.

Well... Yeah, we just moved
to a new office down on Fourth Street.

Ooh!

This is such a doozy.

Are you spying on Emmy's meeting?

- No. I was just...
- It's fine. I don't care.

Listen, we need to talk
about your caroling route.

It is all over the place.

As Quinn Caroling Captain,

- I might have to make some changes.
- Whatever you want, honey.

Great. Here's the new route.
I laminated it.

You know, I wonder if Don would
ever consider doing a holiday song

from my childhood, you know?

Like "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel."

We have fun.

- Hey.
- Mmm.

Isn't that Sean out there?

No, he's at work.

Wait, that is him.

Why is he going into a movie?

Hey! What are you doing?

Oh, you're sitting in your office?

At work?

Girl...

Well, then I'll let you get back to work.

I love you, too.

Ooh, maybe he's having an affair.

I'm sorry.
I don't know why I said it like that.

Ooh, what a doozy!

What a doozy. What a... Oh, it's you.

I would, uh...
love to hang out with you and...

puzz it up.

But...
I have a terrible headache.

Ugh.

Hmm, I wonder if, uh...

I'm having lingering concussion symptoms
from my fall yesterday.

Hmm.

Maybe...

you should take me back
to the urgent care.

You're fine. Sleep it off.

Oh, gosh. I think they say
that's the worse thing to do.

Then stay awake. Go for a run.
I don't know.

You know what? Maybe I'll have
Emmy take me down there.

- I know she's in that meeting...
- No. Hey!

Don't interrupt her.

- Well, I'll just be...
- No. I'll take you myself.

Go.

But if you say "puzz it up" one more time,
you're really gonna need a hospital.

There he is.

My working man... home from work.

Nothing more rewarding
than a hard day's work.

All work and no play makes Sean...

- Okay, I wasn't at work.
- Just admit it!

Oh, you did that faster than I thought.

The reason that I...

...wasn't at work
is because I got... I got laid off.

- What?
- Oh, man!

Whoo! It feels so good to get that out.

I've been holding on to it for weeks.

Weeks? Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I was gonna tell you
the day it happened, but...

I didn't want to spoil Christmas.

Oh, babe.

Your dad's gonna do that.

I'm sorry.

Every morning I'd wake up and think,
"Today's the day I'm gonna tell her,"

but instead I'd pretend to go to work
and just kill time at the movies.

Turns out I like rom-coms,
so that's something.

What are you two doing back here?

Don, did you push him off the roof again?

No. This one.

He's got a headache.

I'm a handful.

Well, concussion symptoms
can often be delayed.

Well, who knew?

Ah. Shouldn't we all go inside
and examine me?

Um, my shift is over,
but they can help you inside.

Always good to see you, Don.

You too.

Uh, wait! Stop!

Um, please don't go.

I am...

afraid of hospitals.

Yeah, I know.

A guy like me, afraid. What?

But you just kept me so calm last night.
Can you just take a quick look?

You know, right now?

This is what I've been dealing with.

Okay, let's see what's going on.

Oh, Nancy...

You're such an angel.

You're not so bad yourself.

Aww.

Ow!

♪ I need you up here ♪

♪ Why aren't you meeting me up here? ♪

♪ I... I feel like I am ♪

♪ You're definitely not ♪

♪ Here, here, here ♪

Hey.

- Uh, do you guys mind taking a break?
- Oh, yes, please.

You have two minutes.

Okay, so...

you know that meeting
that Dad set up for me?

Well, the guy offered me a job.

Like, a really, really good job.

A job I'm not on track to get at my firm
in LA for, like, five more years.

Yay! Emmy's coming home.

The Three Sisketeers? Huh?

Well, would that be fair to Matt?

I mean, he has a career too.
His band's there.

So Matt could just start a band here.

Or you could just take the job
and kick Matt to the curb.

We could be single together.

Ooh. We can get tattoos.

Wait! What am I even talking about?

Matt and I are a team.

I love him and our life in LA.

Nothing changes that.

I'm gonna say no to the job.

Oh. I was already picturing you
being back home.

- Patsy, stop.
- I know, she's got to live her own...

No, her time's up.

♪ Now meet me up here
Or you're staying home tonight ♪

♪ Okay ♪

Yeah, I used to go
to all the Eagles games,

but the fans...

they just got too rowdy.

I mean, who throws snowballs
at Santa Claus?

Yeah.

In my defense, we were losing
and he was acting way too jolly.

Hey, Juice Box, how you feeling?

Uh, much better,
thanks to your magical touch.

Where'd you go to nursing school?
Hogwarts?

Ooh.

He's starting to grow on me, Don.

Don's not super thrilled
that his daughter's dating a musician.

No.

I'm not super thrilled that my daughter
is dating a struggling musician.

- You know, my dad was a musician.
- Oh?

He struggled sometimes, but it didn't
make him less of a father or husband.

Oh.

Well, yeah, it's just that
I love my daughter

and I... I just want her
to be with the best.

Which could never be a musician.

Struggling.

Yeah.

You are.

- Nancy, you don't get what I...
- No. I guess I don't.

They can help you inside, Matt.
My shift's over.

Oh, um, wait!

Stop. Um...

Uh, go back to focusing on me.

I'm experiencing forgetfulness, or am I?

I-I-I don't remember.

Classic concussion.

- Hey, Poppy Don, when's the pizza coming?
- Any minute, kiddo.

Oh, I-I was heating up some lasagna.

Oh, Pats, I'm so sorry. I didn't know
you had something in the oven.

Well, I do.

And I don't.

"Something in the oven?"
Do you even hear yourself?

Sir?

Hey, Em.

So, how'd it go?

- Dad.
- Mm-hmm.

I heard your nose whistling
when you were spying in the pass-through.

No, no, I-I wasn't spying.

I was, uh...

puzzing it up.

Pizza! Pizza!

Pizza!

Mmm, pizza!

Pizza's for people
who didn't bail on caroling, Juice Box.

You can eat at your gig.

Hey, Sean, pay the man, will you?
I don't have any cash on me.

No problem, Pop.

And I'll give him a big tip.

Gotta look out for those people out there
working who aren't as blessed as us.

Keep the change, my man.

Actually...

here's a little extra
because my cuppeth is running over.

And the Oscar for over-tipping
to show your dad

you definitely haven't lost your job
goes to...

All right.

Sean, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
It happens.

Not to a Quinn. You know how my dad is.

If a man doesn't provide for his family,
he's not a real man.

Sorry, forgot your garlic knots.

Also, here's your tip back.

You need it more than I do.

I can't believe you screwed up our plan.

- I can.
- Yeah, I can too.

Nancy ended up mad at Don,
and Don blames me,

so now I'm worse off than before.

I got to do something
to turn this thing around.

Oh! ♪ Kayla's coming down the hallway ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

Wow, you're actually not terrible.
Too bad you have your gig tonight.

Todd, Joy, there's no shame
in mouthing the words.

...and give you some.

- You can finish this.
- You guys! You guys!

Cheese causes mucus.

Mucus causes bad caroling,

which causes me and Jesus
to be disappointed.

And only one of us forgives.

Hey, everybody. Fun announcement alert.

Uh, um...

I canceled my gig

so that I could join you guys
for a magical night of caroling.

- Oh, that's nice.
- Oh, cool.

Hmm. Fine.

You can have one slice of pizza.

Hey, wait. You... You canceled it?

I thought it was such a great opportunity.

Ah, it's just a gig.

Why sing in front of all those strangers
when I could sing with you guys?

To different strangers.

Ooh!

I'll bring my guitar.

You guys, I can't believe
Matt's bailing on his show.

He wants to spend time with my family?

I mean, that's nice,
but we're here for, like, ten days.

It's endless.

...ly fun.

Sorry, continue.

Sometimes I wonder
if Matt's taking his career

as seriously as I take mine. I mean...

why am I passing up a great job offer
if he's just bailing on gigs?

Maybe you guys were right.
Maybe I should...

consider it.

Tattoos.

♪ Oh, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

Hmm?

Oh. How was your meeting today?

It was, uh...

fine.

Yeah. Just as I expected.
Nothing to report.

Caroling! Caroling!

Caroling!

♪ Jingle bells! ♪

Whoo!

No.

♪ Hark! The herald angels sing ♪

♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪

♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I am so glad I decided to do this.

Yeah. Me too.

Hey, Pats, wait up.

Wouldn't want to be anywhere else
in the world, Mr. Quinn.

Nobody carols with a guitar.

Your dad's in a good mood,
singing his heart out.

Maybe it's a good time
to mention the whole job thing.

Actually, I was gonna tell him tomorrow,
but I don't want to ruin the Eagles game.

And then it's Christmas.

This just seems like a "next year" thing.

All this tiptoeing around your dad.

Do you want your kids to be afraid

to tell you what's going on
in their lives?

Okay, I'm gonna call that last house
a rehearsal.

And Todd, I'm gonna call you an Uber
if you don't step it up.

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, everything's fine.

- I just wish you cared about your career.
- What the...

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

So I don't believe in my career?

Is this because I canceled that gig?

I mean, kinda.

All you ever talk about
is how you want more gigs,

and then you get a big one
and you just blew it off.

- To be with your family.
- Okay, but it's... it's not just tonight.

Like, sometimes I feel like this
in LA too. Like...

maybe you're not trying
as hard as you could be.

What are you talking about?

We play Molly Malone's every Thursday.

Most Thursdays.

Some Thursdays.

Hey. No stragglers.

And Matt, if you step on my solo again,
I'm gonna step on your face.

Ho ho ho.

Looks like Las Vegas.

- Dad, hey, uh...
- Hey.

I gotta tell you something.

I know. I gave Kayla too much power.

No.

I mean, yeah, but...

I lost my job.

Don't worry. I've already been looking
for a new one for three weeks.

You've been out of a job for three weeks?

Are you kidding me?

Yes?

I just sometimes feel

like the guys in your band
are holding you back.

I mean, you have to admit
Kurt and Ricky do not contribute much.

Not true.

We keep all the equipment
in Kurt's garage.

Kurt's mom's garage.

Which he lives in with Ricky.

I just didn't realize
how many carols mention...

baby Jesus.

I know. It's like, you know,
Mary was fertile.

- Yeah, we get it.
- Yeah.

I am counting to three
and then I am ringing the bell, people!

Get it together!

Why didn't you say something earlier?

Because of this.

I knew I'd get this from you.

And what I need to hear is,
"It'll be okay, son."

Which is what I'll tell my kids
when they have a problem, because...

they won't be afraid to talk to their dad.

- I don't know what you guys...
- Yeah, no. Give us a second.

You call yourselves carolers?

Hey? Can you just take it down a notch?

No.

No, I'm sorry, but...

Look...

I've had a rough couple of days.

And, I don't know...

I just wanted tonight to be perfect.

To remind me of happier times.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

I just...

I know you can go so far.

I'm not anti band.

I'm just...

pro you.

I didn't want to cancel that gig,

but I have to do everything I can
to get your dad to like me.

Because I love you.

Hey.

Hey, uh...

Your mom was a lot better
at these things than me, uh...

But if it means anything, I mean...

I'm a marshmallow compared
to the way your grandfather raised me.

I sort of remember him
complaining about Italians

and making people drop and give him 20.

Yeah.

But, uh, I'm doing better than him.

And you're doing better than me.

I'm proud of you.

And whatever happens with your job...

it's gonna be okay.

Okay.

Thanks, Dad.

Yeah.

- Todd, I swear I don't know what I said.
- No, no, no.

These are happy tears.

Oh.

Oh, thank goodness.
I thought I said something about babies

- or wombs.
- Yeah, K-Kayla, doorbell, please. Ring it.

One, two, three.

♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪

♪ Let earth receive her King ♪

♪ Let every heart ♪

♪ Prepare Him room ♪

- ♪ And Heaven and nature sing ♪
- ♪ Heaven and nature sing ♪

- ♪ And Heaven and nature sing ♪
- ♪ Heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And Heaven, and Heaven ♪

♪ And nature sing ♪

- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!

- Good night.
- Merry Christmas.

Good.

Not great.

Oh!

- Good night, Dad.
- Oh.

Good night.

- Sweet dreams, honey.
- Thanks.

Great night caroling together, Don.

Mr. Quinn.

Officer Don Quinn.

We...

Hey, Nancy.

It's Don.

Um, anyway...

Uh, darn.

Um, I was hoping you'd pick up.

Uh, anyway, I was, uh, calling
'cause I wanted to, uh...

apologize...

for what happened earlier.

I don't want things to be awkward

the next time I see you there at the ER.

Or, uh...

I don't know, maybe some place
outside the ER or...

Um...

Okay.

Bye then.

Oh, uh...

Uh, did I say it's Don?

Don, uh, Quinn.

Officer...

Don Quinn.

I'm such a dork.