Maude (1972–1978): Season 6, Episode 7 - The Doctor's Strike - full transcript

♪ Lady Godiva was
a freedom rider ♪

♪ She didn't care if the
whole world looked ♪

♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord to guide her ♪

♪ She was a sister
who really cooked ♪

♪ Isadora was the
first bra burner ♪

♪ Ain't you glad she showed up?

♪ Oh, yeah! ♪

♪ And when the country
was falling apart ♪

♪ Betsy Ross got
it all sewed up ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪



♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's... ♪

♪ That uncompromising,
enterprising ♪

♪ Anything but tranquilizing ♪

♪ Right-on, Maude! ♪

Walter: Where, where, where?

I know I put it somewhere,
but where did I put it?

Walter.

Walter, why do you have
to go back to the store?

- Stay home.
- Maude, are you crazy?

It's the middle of the day.



Walter, you are exhausted.
Look at you. You're all flushed.

- I'll bet you have a fever.
- Maude, I am fine.

Walter, Walter. You
have got to slow down.

You are not eating,
you are not sleeping.

This is dangerous.

Well, you don't understand.
Working is my life.

I love it. I need it.
It keeps me alive.

Nobody ever died from hard work.

Tell that to Kunta
Kinte, Walter.

Oh, Walter, please.

Why can't you take
the afternoon off?

It's just a sale.

It is not just a sale. It
is my anniversary sale.

Do you know how often I
have an anniversary sale?

Twice a year, tops.

Walter, I'm on vacation.

I told you I can handle things
down at the store for you.

No, I'm needed down there.

You don't know how much work
there is in an anniversary sale.

Oh, really, Walter.

How many people are
needed to blow up 20 balloons?

Walter, Walter! What
are you looking for?

The copy I wrote
for my newspaper ad.

Maude, it was 3
o'clock in the morning

and I couldn't sleep,
so I came down here

and I wrote the copy.

And here it is!

I've found it!

Here's the ad I wrote.

Read it, Maude, and
tell me what you think.

I wish I'd read this last night.

I was having trouble
sleeping myself.

Come on, Maude!

I mean, this is a very
novel, off-beat idea.

Hi, Maude. Hi, Walter.
Hi, Carol. Hi, everybody.

Viv, read this! This page first.

"Five to go, five
to go, five to go."

Five to go, huh?

In the ad game that's
what we call the hook.

It arouses your
curiosity, doesn't it?

No.

Oh, come on, Viv.

Admit it. You're dying to
know what "five to go" means.

I'd just say it means five
days to go until your sale.

You told her.

Walter, will you please
stop this craziness?

Carol, I want you to
go down to the store

and tell them Walter won't
be back this afternoon.

I've gotta be back at the store!

The guy's coming at 3 o'clock

to give me a fitting
on my clown suit.

You're wearing a clown suit?

Leave it alone, Mother.

I talked him out
of walking around

with an organ and a monkey.

The monkey's coming at 4.

So I didn't talk him out of it.

Hello, everybody.
Boy, what a rotten day.

Arthur, would you please tell
Maude what kind of health I'm in?

Sure. Come by my office tomorrow

and I'll give you a
complete physical.

You gave me a complete
physical last week.

I did? Do you remember
what I said was wrong with you?

You said there
wasn't anything wrong.

Really? There must
be. You look awful.

You see? Arthur, he is
working himself to death.

He's not even
taking the time to eat.

I have begged him to slow down.

And he has a terrible
time getting to sleep.

- He does?
- Yes, he's very restless.

- Restless is he?
- Yes, just tossing

and turning and
thrashing around.

- All night?
- All night. It's just awful.

- Vivian...
- What?

May I ask you a question?

Sure, what?

How long have you
been sleeping with Walter?

Silly. I was just repeating
what you told me.

I don't have time for this.
I've gotta finish my ad.

Walter thinks he's got
problems. He should be a doctor.

It's getting so I dread
going to the hospital.

It's just no fun anymore.

What's wrong, Arthur? Some
of the patients getting cured?

No, no, nothing like that.

It's just this
controversy we're in

over a doctors' strike.

The doctors aren't
thinking of going on strike?

It sure looks like it.

I just came from a meeting.

See, the doctors want the
hospital to put up the money

to protect them against
malpractice suits.

The stupid hospital refuses.

But, I mean, they wouldn't
actually go out on strike?

After the speech I
just made, they will.

- Arthur, you?
- Why not?

Nowadays doctors are
fair game for everybody...

Patients, lawyers, juries.

Believe me, with
the constant threat

of malpractice
hanging over your head

it's getting so a surgeon
is afraid to make a mistake.

Arthur, how can a doctor
withhold medical help?

What about the Hippocratic oath?

The what?

Oh, that. That's old hat.

Arthur, are you aware of the
very serious inconsistency here?

What do you mean?

I mean, here you are, Arthur,

talking about leading
a doctors' strike.

You're the very man who
has been against union striking

as long as I've known you.

As a matter of fact,
you're the one who said,

"If the immigrant farm
workers don't like it here,

let them swim back
where they came from."

Wait one minute.

Let me point out to
you there's a great deal

of difference between
doctors and farmworkers.

I have to agree.

Nobody ever died from being
given the wrong head of lettuce.

Lunch is ready.

Oh, thank you, Victoria.

I hope Mr. Findlay
is going to eat.

He'd better. Walter!

Say, Maude, would
you listen to this?

Mr. Findlay, is
staying for lunch?

Can't. No time.
Maude, listen to this ad.

I think...

Walter, what...
Walter, what is it?

Nothing, nothing.
Just a little dizzy.

I must've been
thinking too much.

I always get a little dizzy
when I think too much.

Is that possible,

to get dizzy from
thinking too much?

Oh, yes. It happens
to me all the time.

Now that we've ruled
out that possibility,

what's wrong with him, Arthur?

Well, let's find out.

Viv, will you run home
and get that black bag

- I use for house calls?
- Oh, sure, Arthur. Where is it?

I don't know. I haven't
used it for years.

All right, Walter, let's
see what's wrong with you.

He feels feverish.

You feel feverish, Walter.

His pulse is very irregular.

Your pulse is very irregular.

Mr. Findlay, you
have a sore throat?

Victoria, you are a housekeeper.

Let's have Dr. Harman
ask the questions.

Thank you, Maude.

Walter, do you
have a sore throat?

It's a little sore.

Dr. Harman, in my opinion,

Mr. Findlay shows early
symptoms of glandular infection.

Open your mouth.

- Ahh.
- Ahh.

- Ahh.
- Ahh.

Ahh. I know what's
wrong with you.

You show early symptoms
of glandular infection.

Arthur, that's
not serious, is it?

- Piece of cake.
- Oh, good.

Unless, of course, you
don't catch it in time.

That can lead to
high temperatures.

Which in turn can lead
to other complications.

Now, Walter has already
had one heart attack.

Then of course there
are respiratory problems,

double pneumonia,
things like that.

I remember one horrible case...

I don't wanna know.

Walter, I'll get you some juice.

That's a good idea,
Maudie. Get him some juice.

Thank you, doctor.

Oh, Victoria, is
that alright with you?

Yes. Juice is good.

See? I was right.

Arthur, I can't be sick,

I've got a big sale
coming up in five days.

Don't worry, old buddy.

I'll give you a prescription
that will fix you right up.

There's an old West Indian
remedy I can make for him.

Victoria, those old voodoo
remedies are pure hogwash.

Dr. Harman, I meant no
derogation of your medical acumen.

However, many pharmacologists

do acknowledge ancient
elixirs as efficacious restoratives.

Victoria, stop talking
like an ignorant woman.

Tetracycline is the only
thing that knocks out this bug.

Don't worry, Walter,

this prescription
will fix you right up.

I'm sure it will, doctor...

but just in case,

I'll go out in the back
yard and look for frogs.

Here you are, sweetheart.

Oh, Maude, I feel terrible.

Listen, Arthur, are you sure

that Walter shouldn't
go to a hospital?

Well, with their attitude
towards doctors?

I'd see him dead first.

Hold that thought, Arthur.

- Oh, Hubie.
- Dr. Binder, Maude.

I'm here on official business.

Arthur, Arthur.

Arthur: Hubie, what's up?

I just delivered our
demands to Mr. Hendrix,

the head administrator
at the hospital.

Good. What did he do?

He laughed.

What did you do?

I laughed. He has a
very infectious laugh.

Hubie, when does he want
to meet and start negotiating?

Never. He turned us down cold.

He thinks we're bluffing.

We aren't, are we?

You are the head of the
Disciplinary Committee.

It's your job to
see that no doctor

provides any medical
service whatsoever

unless it's an
absolute emergency.

- Do you understand, doctor?
- You can count on me, doctor.

Will you two stop
playing doctor?

Now Walter needs
that prescription.

Oh, yeah.

What prescription?

It's a prescription for Walter.

He's coming down with
a glandular infection.

Arthur!

Hubie, what are you doing?

Arthur, the strike started when
Mr. Hendrix turned us down.

Will you stop
being so technical?

Walter is Arthur's
closest friend.

Arthur, you're head
of the strike committee.

You know the rules. You'd be
performing a medical service.

This is an emergency!
Will you stop being so silly?

- Maude!
- Hubie!

Arthur?

If one doctor breaks the
rules, it will kill the strike.

He's my best friend.

Think of all the money
we're going to lose.

Walter, will you relax?

I want to take your temperature.

- You just took my temperature.
- No, I didn't.

Yes, you did, Maude.

You've been taking my
temperature all day long.

All right, if I'd been
taking your temperature

all day long, what is it?

I don't know. You won't tell me.

Then let's find out.

Will you stop, Maude?
You're driving me crazy.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, darling.

It's just that I'm so
concerned about you.

You've been lying
here for three days now.

If anything, you're worse.

Who knows when that dumb
doctors' strike is ending?

- It's spreading
all over the county.
- Don't worry, Maude.

If I get much sicker Arthur,
will forget about the strike

and take care of me.

I mean, Arthur wouldn't
let me down, would he?

Of course, Arthur
wouldn't let you down.

I mean, Arthur's been
my best friend for 30 years.

He wouldn't let me
die for a few dollars.

I'll get you some more juice.

Okay, Walter, I'm on
my way to the store.

Did you put the mark-down
tags on the merchandise?

Yes.

Did you blow up
all the balloons?

Yes.

Did any of them break?

Only three.

I shouldn't have bought seconds.

Walter, will you trust
me? Everything is fine.

What about Sullivan?

I mean, he's been a great
sales manager for 20 years,

but you've gotta keep
on him all the time.

Now, tell me the truth, Carol,

has he been on the ball?

If he's not on the ball,
we fire him just like that.

You don't have to fire Sullivan.

He's on the ball?

No, he quit.

He quit?

The sale is two days
away and he walks out?

- How can he do this to me?
- You were driving him crazy

calling him every five minutes.

He said to me, "Carol,
if Walter calls me

one more time, I'm gonna quit."

That's when the phone rang.

I know how we can get him back.

Sullivan has two weaknesses...

Booze and broads.

I'll buy him a bottle
and you can...

Walter!

I thought you
might have a friend.

All right, Walter,
that's enough work.

Listen, I've gotta get back.

Now trust me.
Everything is fine.

Carol, for some reason
I don't believe you.

Alright. I lied. We
broke four balloons.

I could tell in her
eyes she was lying.

- Bye, Arthur!
- Shh.

- Walter.
- Arthur, you're here.

I have to be careful
who sees me.

Walter, I just snuck over here

to show you that in spite
of this doctors' strike,

you're still my best friend.

What did I tell you?

I'm here to let you know
how concerned I am.

Arthur's gonna make me better.

No, I can't do that.

I'm just here to show
you how concerned I am.

Arthur, how can you
call yourself concerned

when your best friend
is lying here in agony?

Please, Arthur, give
him some medicine.

We won't tell anyone.
No one will know.

Maude, can't you understand,

we're fighting for a cause here?

The right to practice
medicine without fear.

If we can accomplish
that, we'll be better doctors,

you'll get better medical care.

So, if we don't treat
the sick people now,

the entire community
can benefit later.

If there are any of us left.

Arthur, how can
you be so heartless?

Heartless?

Maude, I am on strike
for the good of the people.

I became a doctor because
I wanna help people.

I care for people,
I love people.

If people can't see that,
then to hell with them.

That's beautiful, Arthur.

Why don't you give
it to Anita Bryant

for her Easter album?

You're not in a very
good mood, are you?

Of course, I am not
in a very good mood.

My husband has been
lying here with a fever

for three days now.

He is sick, Arthur,
he is miserable,

and he is worried to death
about his anniversary sale,

which he will not be able
to go to now, thanks to you.

Carol and Sullivan
can handle the sale.

They don't need you, Walter.

Yes, they do.

Nobody else looks
good in the clown suit!

- Walter.
- And I'm the only one
the monkey likes.

You are not helping, Walter.

Okay.

Arthur,

I'm your best friend.

Help me.

Arthur we go back 34 years.
We were in the army together.

Walter, don't. Please, don't.

You know I go to pieces when
we talk about the old army days.

Arthur, remember when
we used to leave the post

and go in for a couple of beers
and sit up all night singing?

♪ The biscuits in the army ♪

♪ They say they're mighty fine ♪

♪ One rolled off the table ♪

♪ And killed a pal of mine ♪

♪ Oh, I don't want
no more of army life ♪

♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home. ♪

Oh, those were the
good old days, buddy.

You see, Arthur,
I'm your best friend.

Yeah, sure, I know that, buddy.

And because you are
my best friend, Walter,

I think you understand
why you have to stay sick.

Arthur Harman, you
get out of my house!

You're no friend of Walter's.

No friend of Walter's?

Don't be ridiculous. We go
back to the army together.

Didn't you just hear me singing?

Yes, you're no
friend of music, either.

Now, look here, Mrs. Findlay,

I don't think it's for
you, a relative stranger,

to say that I'm no
friend of Walter's.

That's for Walter to say.
Go ahead, Walter, tell her.

You're no friend of mine.

Oh, okay.

So?

That's it for friendship.

34 years right down the drain.

My father always told me

never make friends in the army.

Okay.

You know the trouble
with you, Walter,

is you're like all the rest of
the sick people in this town.

All you ever
think of is yourself.

Maude.

Maude, are we wrong?

Oh, honey, of course
we're not wrong.

Now, sweetheart, I want
you to lie back and relax

because I do have a little bit
of good news for you at least.

It's gonna make
you feel much better.

What's that?

We have some new
medicine for you.

Victoria got lucky and
caught a frog this morning.

Vivian, thank
heaven you're here.

I thought you were
cleaning the basement.

That's all right. You
can clean it later.

Right now I need your strength.

You won't believe this.

I've just been over
to the Findlay's.

A friendship of 34 years

has just been
ground into the dust.

And you know why, Vivian?

Maude and Walter think I'm
responsible for his condition.

I mean, who is the
person you know most alert

to other people's discomforts?

I mean, who is the person
you know most sensitive

to human suffering?

- Arthur...
- That's right, Arthur.

I am the most
sensitive person I know.

Oh, Vivian, I know you.

I'm sure you'll probably
side with Maude and Walter,

but I'm sure you
haven't the slightest idea

how important this
doctors' strike is.

Not only for me, but
for the entire community.

Arthur, I'm sick.

No, Vivian, you're not
sick, just misguided.

No, I'm sick. Ill.

I think I have
glandular infection.

Oh, 102?

Vivian, you should be in
bed. You need some medicine.

- Medicine?
- Tetracycline.

Luckily, I have two
free samples right here.

Oh, no, no, no medicine.

No medicine?

I insist on standing
behind you in this strike.

But, Vivian, you're my wife.

You're probably closer to me
than most of the people I know.

No, I don't care
how sick I get, Arthur.

I don't care if I
die a horrible death

like that woman
you told me about

whose tongue turned black
and all shriveled up and...

Vivian!

Well, that does it. I'm gonna
give you this shot right now.

But won't this compromise
your integrity as a labor leader?

A labor leader? Me?

That sounds so sweaty.

Vivian, this isn't
a labor strike.

It isn't? What
kind of strike is it?

No, this is a...

A doctors' strike.

I mean, we don't
have picket lines,

we don't have doctors
with baseball bats

turning over hospital beds.

We're simply all
getting together

and not treating
sick people, that's all.

We're just...

holy mackerel.

Did you hear what I just said?

Oh, I'm sorry. I
wasn't listening.

I said we're not
treating sick people.

Oh, Vivian, I just remembered
my oath as a doctor.

How in the world
could I be on strike?

Oh, no, a doctor is a
servant of the people.

These hands hold a
sacred responsibility.

These hands hold the
precious lives of our patients,

our stockbrokers, the managers
of our apartment houses.

No, Vivian, I'm gonna
give you that shot right now

and I'm gonna go across
and give Walter the other one.

Arthur, what if Hubie
Binder finds out?

The devil take Hubie Binder!

Remember, Vivian, I
have to live with myself.

Arthur, I just think
you're wonderful.

I could just kiss you.

Uh, uh...

not until after the shot,

- Okay?
- Okay.

I don't know if you guys

are in the mood
to appreciate this,

but the doctors'
strike is going great.

Hubie, it's always
nice to hear good news.

The big thing is
we're all united.

There isn't one doctor
practicing medicine,

and you've gotta
give them credit

because some of these sick
people could tear your heart out.

I guess that God gives doctors

extra strength
at times like this.

I like to think so.

Oh, hello, Hubie.

Shut your eyes, doctor.
I'm making a house call.

Oh, bless you, Arthur.

I knew I could count on you.

Maude, call the store!

Don't let them
cancel the monkey!

All right, Walter,
you lucky duck.

This is the last shot
of this medicine I have.

Arthur, I'm shocked.
What are you doing?

Hubie, try to understand.

We have the
God-given gift to heal.

If we withhold that gift,

we don't deserve the right
to call ourselves doctors.

If we withhold that gift,

we're no better than dentists.

Think about that.

Alright, Walter,
grit your teeth.

Hubie...

I hope you're not gonna
turn Arthur in for this.

I guess not.

Good, because under
the circumstances,

black-balling Dr. Arthur
Harman would be like

black-balling
Dr. Albert Schweitzer.

Dr. Schweitzer? Has
he been scabbing too?

Only with pygmies.

There you go, Walter, old buddy.

That's gonna make
you feel a lot better.

Thanks, you old son of a gun.

And, Arthur, that shot's

going to make you
feel a lot better, too.

That's right, Maude. You know...

Suddenly I feel a little dizzy,

I'm feverish.

Oh, Arthur. You're not
coming down with it, too?

I shouldn't have
kissed Vivian. Damn.

I swear that's the last time
I'm gonna kiss that woman.

My throat... Hubie, you got
any tetracycline in your bag?

Quick.

Gee, Arthur, I'm a foot doctor.

All I've got in my bag are
Dr. Scholl's odor eaters.

Arthur, never you mind.
We're gonna take care of you.

You just come right over...

Walter.

I don't have any medicine.

I'm getting sick.

Sickness terrifies me.

Never mind, never mind.

Victoria, more frogs!

More frogs? More frogs.

Announcer: "Maude"
was recorded on videotape

before a studio audience.