Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 3, Episode 18 - The Georgette Story - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

EVERYBODY! I GOT GREAT NEWS!

WE ARE NO LONGER THE BOTTOM-RATED
NEWS STATION IN MINNEAPOLIS!



HOW CAN THAT BE? THERE'S
NOTHING BELOW THE BOTTOM.

YEAH. LET ME SEE.

WE'RE NEXT TO THE
BOTTOM. UH-HUH.

FOURTH. FOURTH! NO KIDDING?

OH, I NEVER THOUGHT SOMETHING LIKE THIS
WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY, BUT THIS IS TERRIFIC.

IF ONLY WE COULD KEEP IT UP,
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS COULD MEAN?

A CONGRESSIONAL INVESTIGATION
OF THE RATINGS SYSTEM? OH!

BOY, AM I POOPED. HEY, TED,
THE NEW RATINGS CAME OUT.

OH? [Lou] TED, COME BACK HERE!

OH, NO. YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE ME
FEEL LIKE THE RATINGS ARE MY FAULT.

NO, TED, THE RATINGS ARE GOOD.

LOOK. [Lou] GO ON.

OH, NOT BAD.

NOT BAD? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOT
BAD? THAT'S THE BEST WE'VE EVER DONE.



WELL, YOU GUYS MAY
BE SATISFIED, BUT NOT ME.

YOU KNOW HOW I AM IN
MY QUEST FOR PERFECTION.

I THINK I'LL GO TAKE
OFF MY MAKEUP.

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S THE
FIRST OF THE MONTH, ISN'T IT?

I'VE GOTTA GO TELL THE CREW.
THIS IS GONNA MAKE 'EM SO HAPPY.

I'LL GO WITH YOU. I WANT
TO SEE THEIR FACES.

TELL THEM THEY GET
AN EXTRA RATION OF RUM.

- HELLO, MR. GRANT.
- GEORGETTE.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET TED. MM.

BUT DON'T BOTHER HIM. I'M
SURE HE'LL BE RIGHT OUT. MM-HMM.

I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER
YOU EITHER. I'LL WAIT OUTSIDE.

NO, NO. COME ON BACK.
IT'S NICE SEEING YOU AGAIN.

SO, UH, HOW'S THE
MANICURE JOB GOING?

OH, I QUIT THAT WEEKS
AGO. SURPRISE, SURPRISE.

WELL, SO, UH, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?

I'M A GOLDEN GIRL NOW. HMM?

I GO FROM DOOR-TO-DOOR
SELLING GOLDEN GIRL COSMETICS.

DING, DONG. IT'S
YOUR GOLDEN GIRL.

EVERYTHING FOR THE MORE
BEAUTIFUL YOU. [Laughing]

- DO YOU WANNA SEE MY SAMPLES?
- WHY NOT? WHAT DO YOU GOT?

BATH OIL BEADS.

MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'VE BEEN
MASSAGED BY A THOUSAND LITTLE HANDS.

OH, MY. I'M SORRY.
THEY MAKE ME SAY THAT.

YOU'RE A REAL CUTIE.
YOU KNOW THAT?

THANKS. WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

WRINKLE CREAM.
COMES IN THREE AROMAS:

FRESH STRAWBERRY, FRESH
BANANA AND FRESH UNSCENTED.

NAH. I DON'T THINK I WANT
EDIE TO SMELL LIKE A BANANA.

I NEED THE RATING BOOK.
THE CREW DOESN'T BELIEVE ME.

HERE. HIYA, GEORGETTE.

HI, MARY. I WAS JUST SHOWING
MR. GRANT MY GOLDEN GIRL LINE.

OH, HOW'S IT GOING?
OH, LIKE HOTCAKES.

GOOD.

HELLO, TED.

I TOLD YOU. I DON'T LIKE
TO SMOOCH IN PUBLIC.

I'M SORRY, BUT CAN YOU GO NOW?

UH, SURE, ONLY I'M A
LITTLE TIRED TONIGHT,

SO I'M GONNA GO RIGHT HOME
AND LOG A LITTLE SACK TIME.

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW MAYBE.

HE, UH, REALLY WAS
TIRED. I MEAN, ALL YOU

HAD TO DO WAS WATCH
HIM ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.

YEAH. BOY.

HEY, GEORGETTE, IF YOU'RE
NOT DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT,

WHY DON'T YOU COME HAVE
DINNER WITH RHODA AND ME?

WON'T IT BE FUN... JUST
YOU, ME AND RHODA, HUH?

GEORGETTE? WHAT?

OH, THANK YOU. I'D LIKE
THAT A LOT. OKAY. GOOD.

I STILL HAVE A LITTLE WORK TO DO, BUT WHY
DON'T YOU MEET ME AT MY PLACE AROUND 8:00?

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

SAY, GEORGETTE, I'LL TAKE ONE
OF THOSE WRINKLE CREAM THINGS.

YEAH, LOU. YOU
OWE IT TO YOURSELF.

AFTER ALL, IT ISN'T EVERY
DAY YOU'RE NUMBER FOUR.

UNSCENTED.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW GEORGETTE
COULD HAVE BEEN IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD...

AFTER TED STOOD
HER UP LIKE THAT.

- AND HE DOES IT ALL THE TIME.
- WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING
TO HIM ABOUT IT?

WELL, I CAN'T. I'M NOT MISS FIX
IT. IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

ABOUT ALL I COULD DO WAS
GIVE HIM A LONG, DIRTY LOOK.

- WHAT'D HE DO?
- WELL, YOU KNOW TED.

HE THOUGHT I WAS
COMING ON WITH HIM.

YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY
KILLS ME? I AM THE ONE

WHO INTRODUCED TED AND
GEORGETTE TO EACH OTHER.

MAR, I MET A GUY WHO'D BE
REALLY GREAT FOR GEORGETTE.

HE'S SENSITIVE. HE'S
KIND AND LOVING.

WHAT AM I DOING? I ALMOST GAVE AWAY
A GUY WHO'S SENSITIVE, KIND AND LOVING.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE YOU
ARE RIGHT. SHE MUST LIKE TED.

I MEAN, IF SHE DIDN'T, SHE
WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH HIM ANYMORE.

RIGHT. I DIDN'T LIKE HIM, SO I
DIDN'T GO OUT WITH HIM ANYMORE.

YOU WENT OUT WITH
TED? YES, ONCE ONLY.

WHEN? AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.

- WHY?
- I DON'T KNOW.

I GET A LITTLE CRAZY
AROUND CHRISTMAS.

AND THERE WAS OLD TED WITH HIS
SILVER HAIR AND HIS JOLLY HO-HO-HO'S.

SORT OF A SANTA FIGURE FOR ME.

- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
- I DID.

YOU ASKED ME, "WHAT'D
YOU DO LAST NIGHT?"

AND I SAID, "I WENT OUT WITH SOME
JERK." I JUST DIDN'T TELL YOU HIS NAME.

WELL, I SURE WISH YOU
HADN'T TOLD ME NOW. WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN I HEARD YOU WENT
OUT WITH TED, I PAINTED THE DOORKNOB.

[Doorbell Buzzes] WHO IS IT?

[Georgette] DING, DONG.
IT'S YOUR GOLDEN GIRL.

COME ON IN,
GEORGETTE. [Clattering]

I CAN'T. IT'S LOCKED.

DO YOU HAVE A... IT'S
LOCKED. WELL, UH, JUST...

A MINUTE.

OH, RHODA. NICE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN. HI, GEORGETTE.

HI, MARY. NICE TO
SEE YOU AGAIN. HI.

EXCUSE ME, GEORGETTE. I
GOTTA GO CLEAN OFF MY HAND.

DOES SHE DO THAT EVERY
TIME SHE SHAKES HANDS?

NO, NO. SHE WAS PAINTING.

MARY, I JUST LOVE
YOUR APARTMENT.

- WELL, YOU'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE.
- I KNOW, BUT I JUST LOVE
YOUR APARTMENT.

- THANK YOU.
- OH, THIS IS FOR YOU, RHODA.

IT IS? AND THIS
IS FOR YOU, MARY.

WELL, WHAT ARE THESE FOR?

WELL, YOU TWO DIDN'T LET
ME PAY FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT,

AND I WANTED TO DO
SOMETHING TO SAY THANK YOU.

OH, THESE ARE
BEAUTIFUL PLACE MATS!

I MADE THEM. I
HOPE YOU LIKE THEM.

YOU MADE THESE? I LOVE THEM.

- OH, LOOK AT THIS!
- AHH.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET A
LITTLE COUCH TO GO WITH THIS.

THANKS, KID. REALLY.
WHO'S THAT ONE FOR?

OH, THIS IS TED'S LAUNDRY.

YOU, UH, DO TED'S LAUNDRY, HUH?

YEAH. HE LIKES THE
WAY I FLUFF AND FOLD.

I HAVE TO BE GOING NOW.

UH, GEORGETTE, H-HOLD IT.

I, UH... I WANT TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THIS WONDERFUL GUY...

THAT RHODA HAS FOR YOU.

SURE.

[Sighs] NO, THAT'S
SILLY, GEORGETTE.

I DON'T CARE IF TED KNOWS I'VE
INTRODUCED YOU TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

WELL, LET HIM BE MAD. I'M
NOT AFRAID OF TED BAXTER.

BYE-BYE.

TURN UP THE SOUND AND SEE IF YOU
CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.

[Ted On TV] NOW FOR OUR
CLOSING HUMOROUS NOTES.

IN STAMFORD, CONNECTICUT, TOM
CAMPBELL WAS EXCUSED FROM JURY DUTY...

WHEN HE CAME UP WITH
A VERY GOOD EXCUSE:

HE WAS THE DEFENDANT.

THAT WAS OUR HUMOROUS
NOTE FOR TODAY.

THIS IS TED BAXTER. GOOD
NIGHT AND GOOD NEWS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN TED SO ANGRY SINCE
THEY CANCELED MY MOTHER THE CAR.

- WHAT'S HE SO MAD ABOUT?
- ME.

LOU, I WANT TO CALL A
MEETING OF THE ENTIRE STAFF.

OUT HERE.

THIS MEETING WILL
NOW COME TO ORDER.

TED.

THE CHAIR WOULD LIKE TO
MAKE AN OPENING STATEMENT.

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED TO THINK THAT OUR
LITTLE NEWSROOM WAS ONE BIG, HAPPY FAMILY.

IN MY INNOCENCE,
LITTLE DID I SUSPECT...

WE'D BE HARBORING A
BACKSTABBER IN OUR VERY BOSOM.

I'M GOING TO REVEAL THE NAME OF
THAT PERSON. THE BACKSTABBER IS...

ISN'T THIS WHERE THE LIGHTS GO OFF
AND TED IS FOUND DEAD ON THE FLOOR?

THE BACKSTABBER
IS MARY RICHARDS...

UH, TED, COULDN'T WE TALK ABOUT
THIS... WHO HAS DELIBERATELY SET OUT...

TO POISON THE RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN ME AND MY WOMAN.

- TED!
- ADMIT IT, MARY.

TONIGHT GEORGETTE'S GOING OUT
WITH A GUY THAT YOU FIXED HER UP WITH.

YES, I ADMIT IT, BUT I
REALLY DON'T SEE... AH, HA-HA!

SHE ADMITS IT. OKAY, TED,
SHE ADMITTED IT. IS THAT IT?

NO. I ALSO WANT HER TO ADMIT THAT SHE
MADE A MISTAKE, AND SHE WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

MARY, TELL HIM YOU MADE A
MISTAKE, AND YOU WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

HOW'S THAT, TED? THAT
GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

I'M GOING TO THE MAT
ON THIS, LOU. THIS IS BIG.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE FRESH
TOWELS FOR MY DRESSING ROOM.

I'M NOT GIVING IN THIS TIME.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
TED. I'LL TALK TO MARY,

AND I'LL GET BACK TO YOU LATER.

SAY, HOW ABOUT
THOSE FRESH TOWELS?

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. MARY
FIRST, THEN THE TOWELS.

MR. GRANT, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SAY ANYTHING. I'LL BE OKAY.

NO, LET'S TALK.

NO, REALLY, I'M FINE. LET'S
JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.

NO, I CAN'T FORGET ABOUT IT.

OH, WELL, THAT'S REALLY VERY SWEET
OF YOU, MR. GRANT, BUT HONESTLY...

BECAUSE I AGREE WITH TED.

YOU AGREE WITH TED? WHY?

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GO
MESSING AROUND IN TED'S PERSONAL LIFE.

WELL, I DON'T SEE IT
THAT WAY, MR. GRANT.

SIT DOWN.

MARY, WHAT YOU'RE DOING...

IS LIABLE TO AFFECT TED'S WORK.

I DON'T SEE HOW THIS HAS
ANYTHING TO DO WITH WORK.

IN THE SAME WAY AS MY RULE ABOUT NOBODY
AT THE STATION BEING ALLOWED TO DATE TED.

WE DON'T HAVE A RULE LIKE THAT.

WITH TED, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE IT
A RULE. IT JUST WORKS OUT THAT WAY.

WHICH IS WHY THAT GIRL
IS VERY IMPORTANT TO HIM.

YEAH, BUT SHE'S VERY
IMPORTANT TO ME TOO.

MARY, YOU'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO SEE THIS MY WAY.

WELL, I'M AFRAID I
CAN'T, MR. GRANT,

SO, UH, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...

NO, I CAN'T EXCUSE YOU.
THIS ISN'T SETTLED YET.

WELL, THEN, I'LL JUST
HAVE TO GO ANYWAY.

- YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE?
- YES.

- WITHOUT MY TELLING YOU
IT'S OKAY?
- YES.

WHEN?

NOW.

OF COURSE, IT WOULD MAKE IT A LOT EASIER
IF YOU WOULD JUST SAY, "GOOD NIGHT, MARY."

I CAN'T SAY THAT, BECAUSE
THIS MEETING IS NOT OVER.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT, MR. GRANT.

WELL...

Y-YOU'RE NOT GONNA
SAY GOOD NIGHT?

GOOD NIGHT.

SAY, HOW ARE YOU AND LOU DOING?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE A
FEELING HE'S BEEN DUCKING ME ALL DAY,

BUT I'LL SEE HIM BEFORE I GO HOME
TONIGHT AND TRY TO STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT.

MARY, UH... [Clears Throat]

ABOUT THAT, UH, THING
THAT, UH, HAPPENED...

I KNOW, MR. GRANT. ME TOO.

IT'S, UH... IT... IT'S...

I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

OH, GOOD. GOOD.

YEAH.

OH, MAR, BY THE WAY,

BY NOW I GUESS YOU'VE
FOUND OUT THAT YOUR

ATTEMPT TO BREAK UP
GEORGETTE AND ME DIDN'T WORK.

THAT LIGHTWEIGHT YOU FOUND FOR HER
JUST COULDN'T HACK THE COMPETITION.

[Phone Rings] NEWSROOM.

HI, GEORGETTE. YEAH, HE IS.

JUST A MOMENT,
PLEASE. IT'S FOR YOU.

HI, BABY.

TONIGHT? NO, NOT TONIGHT.
TONIGHT I'VE GOT OTHER FISH TO FRY.

UH, MAYBE TOMORROW. WHY
DON'T YOU CALL ME TOMORROW?

NUMERO UNO, MAR. NUMERO UNO.

[Laughs] HI, GEORGETTE.

LISTEN, AS LONG AS YOU'RE
NOT DOING ANYTHING TONIGHT,

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
THIS TERRIFIC GUY I KNOW.

RIGHT. WE'LL DOUBLE.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER AND
LET YOU KNOW WHAT TIME.

HEY, LISTEN. HOW WAS THE
DOUBLE DATE WITH GEORGETTE?

I MEAN, DID YOU FIX
HER UP WITH A NICE GUY?

YEAH, AND IT WAS,
UH, PRETTY AWFUL.

AWFUL? WELL, HE'S ONE
OF THE NICEST GUYS I KNOW.

SWEET, GENTLE... AND?

AND BY THE TIME THE
EVENING WAS OVER, THIS

NICE, SWEET, GENTLE GUY
WAS TREATING HER CRUMMY.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MAR?
- SHE BRINGS OUT
THE WORST IN MEN.

I MEAN, I THINK WE'RE GOING
ABOUT THIS THE WRONG WAY.

TED'S NOT THE
PROBLEM. IT'S GEORGETTE.

YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
SHE'S A PROFESSIONAL VICTIM.

RIGHT? YEAH.

MARY, I WAS LIKE
THAT ONCE MYSELF.

OKAY, A LITTLE DIFFERENT
STYLE, OF COURSE.

A LITTLE LOUDER, AS WE ALL KNOW.

BUT, MARY, I NEVER
DID A GUY'S LAUNDRY.

NEVER DID MY LAUNDRY.

BUT WAIT. IT GETS BETTER. THIS GUY
THAT I FIXED HER UP WITH LAST NIGHT...

CALLED HER UP AND
SAID, "HOW ABOUT DINNER?"

SHE SAID, "FINE," AND BY THE TIME WE
GOT OVER TO HER HOUSE TO PICK HER UP,

SHE HAD MADE THE DINNER.

OH, SHE REALLY IS A PRO. YEAH.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA
DO ABOUT HER, RHODA?

I MEAN... OR EVEN SHOULD
WE? I JUST DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T, MAR. I'M TEMPTED
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER MYSELF.

[Knocking]

KNOCK, KNOCK. IT'S
YOUR GOLDEN GIRL.

YOUR DOORBELL WASN'T WORKING.
THAT'S WHY I COULDN'T SAY "DING, DONG."

COME ON IN, GEORGETTE. THANKS.

YOU TWO ARE MY BEST CUSTOMERS.

HERE, RHODA. HERE'S
YOUR BATH OIL BEADS.

OH, THANKS. I JUST RAN OUT.

GEORGETTE, WOULD
YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?

NO, BUT I'LL MAKE
SOME IF YOU WANT IT.

NO, NO. IT'S ALREADY MADE. YOU
SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE SOME?

OKAY, IF YOU ALREADY
MADE IT. THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME. [Phone Rings]

UH, GEORGETTE, COULD
YOU PICK THAT UP FOR ME?

SURE.

HELLO? YES, SHE IS.
JUST A MINUTE, PLEASE.

IT'S FOR ME.

YES, TED. OKAY, SURE.

BYE-BYE, TED.

HE JUST WANTED ME TO ADD VITAMIN "E"
AND TIGER'S MILK TO HIS SHOPPING LIST.

GEORGETTE, UH, I THINK WE
OUGHT TO HAVE A SMALL TALK.

AND YOU BETTER SIT DOWN, BECAUSE WE'RE
GONNA GIVE IT TO YOU WITH BOTH BARRELS.

OH, GOOD. FIRE AWAY.

- LOOK, ABOUT YOU AND TED...
- I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT TED, MARY.

[Mary] UH-UH, NO. WE'RE
NOT TALKING ABOUT TED NOW.

WE'RE MAD AT YOU, GEORGETTE,
FOR WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

THEN I WON'T DO IT ANYMORE.

WHAT AM I DOING?

GEORGETTE, WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS NOT
HAVING ENOUGH RESPECT FOR YOURSELF.

GEORGETTE, WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF YOURSELF?

YEAH. COME ON. TELL US.

WELL, I THINK I'M ABOUT 5'6",

AND I HAVE SORT OF
CURLISH BLONDE HAIR.

NO, NO, GEORGETTE. WE DON'T
MEAN WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE.

LISTEN. SAY SOMETHING
POSITIVE ABOUT YOURSELF.

WELL, I HAVE GOOD HANDWRITING.

AND I LIKE ANIMALS.

[Sighs]

AND I THINK I UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP ME.

YOU DO? GREAT.
OKAY, NOW, COME ON.

TELL US SOMETHING
REALLY POSITIVE ABOUT YOU.

I'M GOOD WITH MY HANDS.

AND I'M A PRETTY
FAIR COUNTRY COOK.

AND I'D LIKE TO THINK
I'M A NICE PERSON.

JUST NICE?

VERY NICE.

DAMN NICE.

NOW, YOU MAKE SURE
THAT TED FINDS THAT OUT.

OKAY. I'LL TRY AND TELL HIM SOMETIME
WHEN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ME.

LORD KNOWS WHEN THAT'LL BE.

WANNA HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT?

TED, I DON'T FEEL LIKE HAVING
A PILLOW FIGHT TONIGHT.

OH?

DON'T BLOW ON MY FACE, TED.

WHAT'S WRONG? I
THOUGHT YOU LIKED THAT.

NOT NOW. I WANT TO TALK.

CAN WE HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT
AND THEN TALK? [Whooshing]

NO, I REALLY FEEL LIKE TALKING.

ALL RIGHT. WHAT'LL
WE TALK ABOUT?

SPORTS? NEWS? WEATHER?

SAY, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT
THAT TIDAL WAVE IN PERU?

DAMAGE TO LIVESTOCK, CROPS AND PROPERTY
WAS ESTIMATED IN THE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS.

NOT THAT KIND OF TALK.

TED, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WE
HAVE TO SETTLE ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.

♪ MY FUNNY VALENTINE ♪

♪ SWEET COMIC VALENTINE ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME SMILE ♪

♪ WITH MY HEART ♪

I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD
SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

WHAT? WHY NOT?

SAY, HAS MARY BEEN
TALKING TO YOU AGAIN?

I THINK IT'S FOR THE
BEST ALL AROUND.

YOU'RE KIDDING?
I'M NOT KIDDING, TED.

OH, YOU'RE JUST IN A LOUSY MOOD.

YOU'LL COME TO YOUR
SENSES. I MEAN IT.

♪ MY FUNNY VALENTINE ♪

♪ SWEET COMIC VALENTINE ♪

PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT
ANY HARDER THAN IT IS, TED.

BUT THAT'S OUR SONG. ISN'T IT?

I THINK YOU SHOULD
GO HOME NOW, TED.

OKAY, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT,
THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.

I DON'T HAVE TO STAY
AROUND HERE, YOU KNOW.

PLENTY OF FISH TO
FRY IN THE OCEAN.

AND DON'T BOTHER TO
CHANGE YOUR MIND. I'M GOING.

SO LONG, BABY.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY.

[Crying] I DON'T WANT TO GO.

I SAID I WANTED TO GO, BUT I
DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO. I LIED.

YOU DID?

DON'T... DON'T MAKE ME GO,
GEORGETTE. I CAN CHANGE.

JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS YOU
WANT ME TO DO, AND I'LL DO IT.

DO YOU MEAN IT? SURE, I MEAN IT.

JUST... JUST TELL ME
WHAT IT IS, AND I'LL DO IT.

UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT ME
TO DO IT. THEN I WON'T DO IT.

WELL,

I DON'T WANT TO DO
YOUR LAUNDRY ANYMORE.

I'LL MATCH YOUR SOCKS, BUT I
DON'T WANT TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY.

OKAY, BABY. WHAT ELSE?

I DON'T WANT YOU TO CALL ME
"BABY" ANYMORE. I'M NOT A BABY.

ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO CALL YOU?

LET'S SEE. THERE'S "COOKIE,"

"BUNNY," "LAMBKINS,"
"ANGEL PUSS," "DUCKY."

IF YOU DON'T LIKE ANY OF THOSE, I'LL
HAVE MURRAY COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

"GEORGETTE." I WANT "GEORGETTE."

- BUT THAT'S SO LONG.
- IT'S WHAT I WANT. IT'S MY NAME.

OKAY. GEORGETTE.

TED, THERE'S ONE MORE THING.

WHAT IS IT?

YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME.

WELL, THAT'S NOT AN
EASY THING FOR ME TO SAY.

WHY?

WELL, BECAUSE WHEN I SAID IT BEFORE
TO PEOPLE, NO ONE EVER SAID IT BACK.

I'LL SAY IT BACK.

YOU WILL? I PROMISE.

OKAY. [Clearing Throat]

I LO-LO-LO...

LOVE YOU. AND I LOVE YOU, TED.

YOU DO? [Laughs]

YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT AGAIN?

[Lowers Voice] I LOVE
YOU, GEORGETTE.

WANT ME TO SAY IT
WITHOUT MOVING MY LIPS?

I LOVE YOU.

WANT ME TO SAY IT
LIKE LOWELL THOMAS?

THIS IS LOWELL THOMAS
SAYING I LOVE YOU.

TED, YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL.

MORNING, TED. MORNING, MAR.

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?

I WANT TO TELL YOU
ABOUT MY WEEKEND.

I WANT TO TELL YOU
ABOUT MY WEEKEND.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR WEEKEND.

BEING WITH GEORGETTE
WAS LIKE BEING WITH

ANOTHER WOMAN. IT'S
INCREDIBLE. WE WERE EQUAL.

WE COOKED DINNER IN
THE KITCHEN SIDE BY SIDE,

AND AFTERWARDS SHE SELECTED
THE MOVIE WE WENT TO SEE.

I MEAN, FOR THE FIRST TIME,
EVERYTHING WASN'T LEFT UP TO ME.

AND I UNDERSTAND
YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE.

WELL, SHE'S A FRIEND, AND I
JUST WANTED TO BE HELPFUL.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT AS LONG AS I LIVE,

I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.

[Mews]