Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 8 - Thoroughly Unmilitant Mary - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

[ Ted ] ON THE LABOR FRONT,

A STORY THAT MAY HIT
CLOSE TO HOME. THIS IS IT.



THE TELEVISION NEWS
WRITERS UNION HAS SO FAR

FAILED TO COME TO A
NEGOTIATED AGREEMENT...

WITH THE ASSOCIATION OF
INDEPENDENT TELEVISION STATIONS.

WITH THE STRIKE DEADLINE SET
FOR 6:00 P.M. TOMORROW NIGHT,

A NEWS WRITER WALKOUT APPEARS
TO BE A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY.

I'M SURPRISED HE CAN READ THE
COPY WITH MY TEAR STAINS ALL OVER IT.

[ Ted ] I'LL BE BACK
TOMORROW WITH THE NEWS.

OR WITHOUT THE NEWS IF
WE GO ON STRIKE. [ Turns TV Off ]

MURRAY, IF YOU
GUYS GO ON STRIKE,

I THINK WE'LL BE ABLE TO MUDDLE
THROUGH WITHOUT YOU. SURE YOU WILL, LOU.

TED IS ABLE TO MUDDLE
THROUGH EVEN WHEN WE'RE HERE.

HEY, YOU'RE BOTH TALKING AS THOUGH
THERE'S DEFINITELY GONNA BE A STRIKE.

AND YOU DON'T KNOW
THAT FOR SURE. DO YOU?

YOU NEVER CAN TELL. DON'T FORGET
THAT BIG TELEVISION STRIKE IN '61.



AND THAT ONE LASTED FOUR MONTHS.
MY PICKET SIGN TURNED YELLOW.

WELL, ANOTHER BIG
HOUR PUT TO BED.

WELL, YOU PUT YOUR
AUDIENCE THERE ANYWAY.

HEY, MURRAY, WHAT'S THE
LATEST ON THE STRIKE, MAN?

WELL... STRIKE? WHAT STRIKE?

TED. YOU JUST READ
ABOUT IT ON THE AIR.

OH, REALLY? I WASN'T LISTENING.

THE NEWS WRITERS, TED. THEY'RE
PROBABLY GONNA GO ON STRIKE.

HEY, GORDY, YOU DON'T REALLY
THINK THERE'LL BE A STRIKE, DO YOU?

BOY, I SURE HOPE NOT.
WHY? IT'S NOT YOUR UNION.

YES, IT IS. I WRITE MY
OWN WEATHER REPORTS.

WELL, YOU SEE, GORDO,
THAT'S A MISTAKE I NEVER MAKE.

I NEVER WRITE ANYTHING. NOBODY HERE
SEEN ME WRITE ANYTHING, HAVE THEY?

YOU DON'T HEAR MANY PEOPLE
BRAGGING ABOUT BEING ILLITERATE.

HI, EVERYBODY. HEY, AL, HAVE YOU
HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT THE STRIKE?

HEARD ANYTHING? THAT'S
ALL I'VE HEARD ALL DAY LONG.

I'M ON A NEGOTIATING
COMMITTEE, AND I JUST GOT OUT.

- SO, WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
- I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S TOO CLOSE TO ME. HAVE
YOU GUYS HEARD ANY RUMORS?

NO. NOT IN THE
LAST FIVE MINUTES.

BOY, IT'S SURE A BAD TIME FOR
US TO THINK ABOUT STRIKING.

- WHY'S THAT?
- BECAUSE IT'S
SNOWING OUTSIDE...

AND I DON'T LIKE
TO PICKET IN SLUSH.

SNOWING? YEAH. IT'S
REALLY COMING DOWN.

[ Lou ] MARY! SEE YOU A
MINUTE? COMING, MR. GRANT.

MARY, I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS. I
PREDICT THERE'S GONNA BE A SETTLEMENT.

THERE, YOU SEE. THAT'S
WHAT I'M TRYING TO

TELL YOU. GORDY KNOWS
WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

OF COURSE, I'M THE GUY THAT
PREDICTED FAIR AND WARMER TODAY TOO.

YES, SIR. SIT DOWN, MARY.

- YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE?
- WELL, WE'RE, UH... WE'RE, UH...

MANAGEMENT.

WHEN THERE'S A STRIKE, MANAGEMENT
IS EXPECTED TO REPORT TO WORK.

THEN-THEN YOU DO THINK
THERE WILL BE A STRIKE, HUH?

WELL, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.

BUT I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME
I HAD TO CROSS A PICKET LINE.

LIKE YOU'RE GONNA. SOON.

I FELT ROTTEN.

THEY WERE ALL MY FRIENDS.
GUYS I'D SPENT LONG HOURS WITH,

AND THEY WERE BOOING ME,

SWEARING AT ME,
BUT I HAD TO DO IT.

WAS THAT THE BIG
TELEVISION STRIKE IN '61?

NO. THAT WAS THE BIG
BARTENDER'S STRIKE IN '59.

[ Knock On Door ]
COME ON IN, RHODA.

I COME BEARING FOOD.

- GOOD. I AM STARVED. WHAT'D YOU BRING?
- A SALAD.

RHODA, YOU DISTINCTLY SAID
YOU WERE BRING LEFTOVERS.

THAT'S WHAT WAS LEFT OVER.

ALL WE GOT IS TWO SALADS, HUH?

MINE'S A SOGGY CESAR.
WHAT KIND YOU GOT?

UH, WALDORF. YOU KNOW,
RAISINS, NUTS, APPLES.

GOOD. YOURS WILL BE DESSERT.

HEY, MARY, I SEE WHERE THERE'S GONNA
BE A STRIKE DOWN AT YOUR STATION.

NO, NO. IT'S NOT DEFINITE.

IT'S MORE DEFINITE
THAN YOU THINK.

I WAS DOWN PICKING UP WINDOW
DISPLAY CARDS AT THE SIGN SHOP,

AND THEY WERE WORKING
ON THE PICKET SIGNS.

OH, BOY. I'M GONNA FEEL TERRIBLE CROSSING
A PICKET LINE WITH GORDY AND MURRAY IN IT.

YOU'RE GONNA
CROSS A PICKET LINE?

WELL, YEAH, I HAVE
TO. I'M-I'M MANAGEMENT.

- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- YOU'RE THE FIRST
MANAGEMENT PERSON...

ANYONE IN MY FAMILY
HAS EVER SOCIALIZED WITH.

REALLY. I MEAN IT, MAR.
YOU ARE THE BAD GUYS.

- THANKS.
- NO, IT'S TRUE.

I COME FROM A
LONG LINE OF LABOR.

THE ONLY PERSON IN MANAGEMENT MY
FATHER COULD TOLERATE WAS CASEY STENGEL.

GO AHEAD, RHODA, MAKE JOKES. BUT
WHEN I HAVE TO CROSS THAT PICKET LINE,

BELIEVE ME, IT'S NOT
GONNA BE ANY FUN.

HEY, LOOK, MARY, I'M SORRY.
I KNOW IT ISN'T FUNNY TO YOU.

AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE
PLEASANT WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.

BUT LIFE ISN'T EASY WHEN
YOU'RE A DIRTY, ROTTEN SCAB.

WELL, WOULDN'T YOU THINK WE'D HAVE
HEARD BY NOW IF THE STRIKE WAS ON OR OFF?

IT'S ON, MARY. I KNOW IT'S ON.
THERE'S NO USE KIDDING OURSELVES.

I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS
BEFORE AND I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.

IN FACT, I'M GLAD I WAS
IN THAT BIG STRIKE IN '61.

BUT NOW, I DON'T CARE IF THERE'S A
STRIKE OR NOT. THIS TIME I AM PREPARED.

WE'RE ON STRIKE. NO, NO.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO? MARY,
LOOK, I HAVE HOUSE PAYMENTS,

THE KID NEEDS BRACES, I
JUST BOUGHT A NEW CAR.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
A LONG STRIKE WILL WIPE ME OUT.

OH, MURRAY, I'M SURE IT WON'T BE A
LONG ONE. HI, GUYS. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

- THEY'RE ON STRIKE.
- HERE'S THE WIRE STORY.

OH, WHY ARE WE
ALWAYS THE HEAVIES?

IT'S ALWAYS MANAGEMENT'S
OFFERS, BUT UNION'S DEMANDS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE WEATHER,
GORDO. I'LL COVER THAT BASE FOR YOU.

TED, HOW ARE YOU GONNA KNOW
WHAT THE WEATHER'S GONNA BE?

YOU'LL TELL ME. I'LL
BE PICKETING OUTSIDE.

WELL, THAT'S PERFECT. YOU'LL KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT THE WEATHER'S LIKE.

BOY, YOU'RE A HAPPY
MAN, AREN'T YOU, TED.

WELL, SURE. I'M NOT GONNA
BE OUT OF A JOB LIKE...

I MEAN...

WE WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WE IN MANAGEMENT...

WISH YOU FELLAS
THE BEST OF LUCK.

RIGHT, LOU? TED,
YOU'RE NOT MANAGEMENT.

- WHAT AM I THEN?
- YOU WANNA TAKE IT, LOU?

NAH, IT'S TOO EASY.

TED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING AROUND
HERE? YOU'RE ON THE AIR IN TEN SECONDS.

NEVER FEAR, LOUIS. WHEN YOU'VE
BEEN DOING THIS AS LONG AS I HAVE,

YOU LEARN TO PLAY IT RIGHT
DOWN TO THE WIRE. [ Chuckles ]

ALL RIGHT, GUYS. WE'RE
ALL LEAVING NOW. MURRAY.

NO, NO. I'M RIGHT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THIS STRIKE BULLETIN.

TOO LATE. YOU'RE ON STRIKE.
BUT I'M NOT FINISHED WITH IT, AL.

THEY'LL GET THE MESSAGE.
SO LONG, LOU. SO LONG.

COME ON, GUYS, LET'S
GO. BYE, MARY. LOU.

WELL, LOU, I GUESS THIS IS IT.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

[ Sighs ] WELL, MARY...

HEY, LOOK, MURRAY,
I'M-I'M SURE THEY'LL...

MARY, IT'S HAPPENED. LET'S JUST
HOPE IT'S NOT FOR LONG, HUH?

OH, GORDY, I'M SURE
IT WON'T BE. I'M SURE.

WE'LL SEE YOU. HEY,
GOOD LUCK, GUYS.

I HOPE YOU WIN!
[ Murray ] THANKS.

WELL, I DO. I HOPE THEY WIN.

WELL, HERE WE ARE, THE
SIX O'CLOCK NEWS TEAM.

PLUS TED.

I'VE-I'VE JUST BEEN
HANDED THIS BULLETIN.

HERE IN THE TWIN CITIES,
NEGOTIATIONS BROKE DOWN...

BETWEEN THE ASSOCIATION OF
INDEPENDENT TELEVISION STATIONS...

AND THE TELEVISION NEWS WRITERS.

THE STRIKE IS NOW OFFICIAL,
HAVING BEGUN JUST MOMENTS AGO.

THOUGH UNION LEADERS ARE MEETING AT
THIS MOMENT WITH REPRESENTATIVES OF...

REPRESENTATIVES OF, UH,

OF THOSE OTHER PEOPLE
WHO ARE ON STRIKE,

JUST HAVING BEGUN MOMENTS
AGO HERE IN THE TWIN CITIES,

WHERE NEGOTIATIONS BROKE
DOWN JUST MOMENTS AGO.

REPEATING THAT STORY...

MARY, I THINK HE'S STUCK.

WOULD YOU GO OUT THERE AND
NUDGE HIM INTO THE NEXT STORY?

I'D DO IT, BUT I'M AFRAID I'D
NUDGE HIM INTO THE NEXT BUILDING.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, MANAGEMENT?

WELL, YOU WERE RIGHT, MR. GRANT.

YOU SAID CROSSING A PICKET
LINE WASN'T GONNA BE ANY FUN.

THEY GIVE YOU A HARD TIME? WELL,
I STARTED ACROSS THE PICKET LINE,

AND SOME GUY FROM
ANOTHER STATION...

STARTED TO MAKE A
COUPLE OF SMART REMARKS,

SO GORDY TOLD HIM TO SHUT UP, AND HE
WOULDN'T, SO, UH, GORDY WENT AFTER HIM.

AND, UH, HMM, WELL, I
JUST WANT TO PREPARE YOU.

PREPARE ME? FOR WHAT? WELL, WHEN GORDY WENT
AFTER HIM, HE HANDED ME HIS PICKET SIGN.

SO? SO THERE WAS A NEWSPAPER
PHOTOGRAPHER THERE,

AND, UH, THERE MAY BE A SHOT
OF ME IN TOMORROW'S PAPER...

HOLDING A SIGN THAT
SAYS, "YOU STINK."

THOSE... PICKET LINES.

TED, WHAT HAPPENED?
DID THEY ROUGH YOU UP?

NO. I GOT DIRTY GOING
UP THE FIRE ESCAPE.

YOU CLIMBED NINE FLOORS
UP THE FIRE ESCAPE?

TEN, REALLY. I LOST
COUNT AND OVERSHOT.

I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO
THAT TRIP DOWN, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

WELL, TED, LOOK AT IT THIS
WAY. ON YOUR WAY DOWN,

THERE'S VERY LITTLE CHANCE THAT
YOU CAN OVERSHOOT THE GROUND FLOOR.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'LL BE
PRETTY DARK OUT THERE.

OH, SAY, LOUIS, ABOUT
THE SHOW TONIGHT.

I'D JUST AS SOON
NOT WING IT AGAIN.

UH, ARE YOU GONNA WRITE
THE NEWS? NO, MARY IS.

- I AM?
- OH, REALLY? HOW GREAT FOR YOU.

WHAT A TERRIFIC OPPORTUNITY. I JUST
KNOW YOU'RE GONNA DO A CRACKERJACK JOB.

LOU, TALK TO YOU A MINUTE?

LOU, LOU, LOU, WHAT ARE WE DOING
HERE? THAT GIRL'S NO NEWS WRITER.

TED, IT ALL BALANCES OUT.

MR. GRANT, I AGREE WITH TED.

WHY DON'T YOU WRITE THE
NEWS? I AGREE WITH MARY.

WELL, I'D LIKE TO...
GOOD. IT'S SETTLED.

BUT I CAN'T. THE TECHNICIANS JUST WALKED
OUT IN SUPPORT OF THE NEWS WRITERS.

I'M GONNA BE NUMBER TWO CAMERAMAN
ON THE CHUCKLES THE CLOWN SHOW.

WHO'S MORE IMPORTANT,
ME OR SOME DUMB CLOWN?

- HMM.
- [ Phone Ringing ]

NEWSROOM. YES. THEY DID?

OH, WOW. YES. YES.
I'LL TELL HIM. THANK YOU.

AFTRA IS HONORING
THE PICKET LINE TOO.

[ Groans ] WHO'S HE?

TED, AFTRA IS YOUR UNION. THE AMERICAN
FEDERATION OF TELEVISION AND RADIO ARTISTS.

ARTISTS? I'VE NEVER DRAWN A
PICTURE IN MY LIFE. I'M NO ARTIST.

TED, THE POINT IS, YOU
ARE GOING ON STRIKE TOO.

YOU MEAN, I WON'T BE
ANCHORMAN TONIGHT? NO.

THE SHOW'S NOT GONNA BE ON? THEY'RE
GONNA HAVE TO GET SOMEONE TO REPLACE YOU.

BUT THEY CAN'T DO THAT. I NEVER
EVEN WANTED TO JOIN A UNION.

I'M AN INDIVIDUALIST. THE UNION'S
NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR ME.

I MEAN, THEY JUST CAN'T DO IT.

TED, THEY'VE DONE IT, AND THERE'S
NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

- I CAN COMPLAIN TO MY UNION.
- [ Phone Ringing ]

NEWSROOM. JUST A MINUTE,
PLEASE. MR. GRANT, IT'S FOR YOU.

SEE, MARY, I CAN DO IT IF YOU
DON'T TELL ANYONE. NO, TED.

YES. I CAN PUT ON A MUSTACHE.
THEY'D RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE.

I'LL TALK FUNNY.

WHO ARE WE GONNA GET,
MR. GRANT? THEY CAN'T USE MY BLAZER.

IT WOULDN'T MATTER, TED. IT WON'T FIT THE
PERSON WHO'S FILLING IN FOR YOU ANYWAY.

OH, NO. OH, MR. GRANT, YOU
DON'T MEAN IT'S GONNA BE...

NO.

- OH. WELL, WHO THEN?
- ME.

- YOU?
- ME.
- ON THE AIR?

ME!

"THE MEASURE TO LOWER
THE LEGAL DRINKING AGE...

"IS NOW BEFORE THE LEGISLATURE
WHERE THE 18-YEAR-OLD BILL...

IS NOT EXPECTED TO PASS." GOOD.

HI. UH, MR. GRANT, WHY
AREN'T YOU IN MAKEUP?

YOU GO ON IN JUST A FEW MINUTES.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME. REMEMBER, I HAD TO DO
CAMERA ON THE CHUCKLES THE CLOWN SHOW.

- WHO DID THEY GET
TO REPLACE CHUCKLES?
- HIS PRODUCER.

BOY, YOU KNOW, I JUST CAN'T PICTURE
HERB BERNSTEIN IN A CLOWN SUIT.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM FOR A HALF
HOUR AND I STILL CAN'T PICTURE HIM.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO OUT
ON THE AIR AND MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT IT. [ Clears Throat ]

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE
BEEN DOING HERE.

MR. GRANT, ARE YOU A
LITTLE BIT NERVOUS? NO, WHY?

BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WRITTEN
ON THAT PAPER YOU'RE READING.

MARY, I'M GONNA LEVEL WITH YOU.

I'M A LITTLE BIT
SCARED TO DEATH.

MY HANDS GET CLAMMY IF I HAVE TO
TALK TO MORE THAN SIX PEOPLE AT A TIME.

HERE, FEEL 'EM.
WELL, THAT'S... I...

FEEL 'EM.

HAVE YOU EVER FELT
CLAMMIER HANDS THAN THAT?

AND THOSE ARE JUST MY HANDS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT
THE REST OF ME IS LIKE?

I'M JUST ONE BIG WALKING CLAM.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT IT. LET'S GO OVER THIS.

UH, SOME OF IT MIGHT NEED A LITTLE
PUNCHING UP, BUT I THINK, ON THE WHOLE,

YOU'LL FIND IT PRETTY READABLE.

THIS ISN'T A STORY.

IT'S THE WORLD'S
LONGEST SENTENCE.

WELL, YOU THINK
IT'S A LITTLE LONG?

"THE WIND AND WATER SWEPT
VICTIMS OF THE TIDAL WAVE...

"LOOKED STOICALLY UPON THE
FLOODED REMAINS OF THEIR TOWN...

"AND STOOD IN SILENT
AWE AT NATURE'S RAGE...

AS THE EVACUATION CONTINUED WITH LOCAL
SCHOOLHOUSES USED AS RED CROSS CENTERS."

WELL, I WAS JUST TRYING
TO MAKE IT INTERESTING.

MARY, A TIDAL WAVE IS PRETTY
INTERESTING ALL BY ITSELF.

IT DOESN'T NEED YOUR HELP.
THAT WAS MY BEST STORY.

YOUR BEST STORY? OH.
MY HAIR JUST WENT CLAMMY.

"THE MEASURE TO LOWER THE LEGAL DRINKING
AGE IS NOW BEFORE THE LEGISLATURE...

WHERE THE 18-YEAR-OLD
BILL IS NOT EXPECTED TO PASS."

AH, THAT'S ALL WRONG. IT SOUNDS
LIKE THE BILL IS 18 YEARS OLD.

WELL, I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.

OH, BOY. THAT'S ALL I NEED.

ONE GREAT THING ABOUT MURRAY. I COULD
YELL AT HIM, BUT HE NEVER CRIED ON ME.

HEY, LOU. HUH?

COME ON, HURRY UP. YOU'RE
ON THE AIR IN A MINUTE.

HEY, HERB, WHY DON'T
YOU DO THE NEWS FOR ME?

NO CHANCE, LOU. I'M
ALREADY DOING FOUR SHOWS.

MR. GRANT, YOU'RE GONNA
BE JUST FINE. JUST FINE.

JUST GO IN THERE AND BE NATURAL.
AND, UH, REMEMBER TO SMILE.

YOU CAN'T HAVE
BOTH THINGS, MARY.

LOOK, I'LL HAVE THAT LEGISLATURE STORY
FOR YOU BEFORE THE END OF THE SHOW.

I'LL NEVER MAKE IT TO
THE END OF THE SHOW.

MR. GRANT, YOUR NEWS. OH.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO
ARE NOT AWARE OF IT,

WE ARE IN THE MIDST OF A STRIKE.

SO MANAGEMENT PERSONNEL HAVE BEEN
FILLING IN FOR THE STRIKING PERFORMERS.

[ Fingers Snapping
] [ Man ] HEY, HEY!

UH, NOW FOR THE
SIX O'CLOCK NEWS.

SUBSTITUTING FOR
TED BAXTER, LOU GRANT.

[ Softly ] GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THIS IS LOU GRANT WITH
THE SIX O'CLOCK NEWS.

THE NEWS HEADLINES TONIGHT.

LAWMAKERS IN ST. PAUL...

[ Faint, Indistinct ]

MAJORITY LEADER... [ Mumbling ]

FORTY YEARS. [ Mumbling ]

[ Both Laughing ]

AND WHEN THE SOUND
BOOM CAME DOWN IN THE

PICTURE, LOU LOOKED
LIKE HE WAS GONNA BITE IT.

[ Laughing ]

HIS HAND WAS SHAKING SO HARD,

HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS
FANNING HIMSELF WITH THE COPY.

AND HOW ABOUT WHEN
HE BURPED? [ Both Laughing ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

TWO SCOTCHES, HARRY.

MARY, YOU WANT ANYTHING?

[ Gordy ] HI, MARY. LOU. HOW
ARE THINGS ON THE INSIDE?

OH, FINE.

SO, I GUESS YOU GUYS
CAUGHT ME ON THE AIR, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? UH, DID YOU
TAKE TED'S PLACE OR SOMETHING?

NO KIDDING. UH, HOW'D IT GO?

- PRETTY GOOD.
- [ Laughing ]

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM.
REALLY, HE WAS... HE WAS... [ Laughing ]

MR. GRANT, THEY'RE NOT LAUGHING
AT-AT YOU. [ Laughing Continues ]

- THEY'RE, UH, LAUGHING AT...
- [ Laughing Harder ]

THE SITUATION. [ Laughing ]

WHAT ABOUT YOU, MARY? YOU
LAUGHING AT THE SITUATION TOO?

WE'RE NOT LAUGHING
AT YOU, MR. GRANT.

WE ARE LAUGHING, UH... WITH ME.

BUT, MARY, I'M NOT LAUGHING.

[ Chuckles ]

AND I'VE GOT TO DO IT ALL
OVER AGAIN TOMORROW NIGHT.

OKAY, GUYS, I GOT THIS
WHOLE THING WORKED OUT.

MARY, LOU, YOU CAN LISTEN TO
THIS TOO. SHOVE OVER, GORDY.

YOU WANT TO SIGN THIS,
GORDO. IT'S A PETITION.

I'VE GOT THE PERFECT
COMPROMISE TO END THIS STRIKE.

THIS I GOT TO HEAR.
WHAT IS IT, TED?

SIMPLY THIS... THAT YOUR UNION
ACCEPTS MANAGEMENT'S OFFER.

TED, MANAGEMENT'S
OFFER IS NO PENSION PLAN,

NO HEALTH INSURANCE
AND A CUT IN PAY.

- IT'S ONLY A SMALL CUT.
- NO CHANCE, TED.

HOW ABOUT A DRINK, MR. BAXTER?
ARE YOU KIDDING, PAUL?

- I'M OUT OF WORK. I CAN'T AFFORD IT.
- I'LL BUY YOU A DRINK, TED.

- AND I'LL HAVE ANOTHER ONE.
- OH, REALLY? I'LL HAVE
THE USUAL, PAUL.

ALL RIGHT. A DOUBLE SCOTCH
AND A CREME DE MINT FRAPPE.

PAUL, BRING ME ONE OF THOSE
HARD-BOILED EGGS TOO, WILL YA?

BOY. SUDDENLY, I...
I FEEL SO RELAXED.

LOOK, NO CLAMS. I'M A BIG
CUCUMBER, COOL AND DRY.

- I SURE WISH
I COULD DO THE NEWS NOW.
- I SAW YOU DO THE NEWS, LOU.

YOU WERE TERRIBLE.

I KNOW. BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I MADE
A MISTAKE. [ Ted ] WHAT'S THAT, LOU?

I STARTED DRINKING
AFTER THE SHOW.

[ Glasses Clinking ] [
Lou Singing Drunkenly ]

[ Drunken Singing Continues ]

[ Singing Stops ] MR. GRANT, COULD
I PLEASE SEE YOU FOR A MINUTE?

[ Singing Resumes ]

WHO IS IT?

IT'S MARY.

OH, OF COURSE. MARY.

COME RIGHT IN AND SIT DOWN.

UH-HUH.

NOW, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MARY?

MR. GRANT, I AM GONNA SAY
SOMETHING TO YOU NOW...

AND I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT I
MEAN NO DISRESPECT WHATSOEVER.

I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT
YOUR AUTHORITY IN THE NEWSROOM...

AND I WOULD DO NOTHING
TO CIRCUMVENT THAT, UH...

MR. GRANT... NOW WHAT
DID YOU WANT TO SAY, MARY?

MR. GRANT, YOU ARE IN NO
CONDITION TO DO THE NEWS TONIGHT.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I WAS IN NO CONDITION TO
DO THE NEWS LAST NIGHT.

BUT TONIGHT...
TONIGHT, I'M BEAUTIFUL.

I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE
TOO BEAUTIFUL TO GO ON.

THANK YOU. MR. GRANT,

WHAT I MEAN IS I CAN'T LET YOU.

UH, CAN'T LET ME WHAT? GO ON.

WELL... DO TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE
NOT IN POSSESSION OF YOUR FACULTIES,

I AM TAKING CHARGE
OF THE NEWSROOM.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN CHARGE,
WOULD YOU HELP ME ON WITH MY COAT?

MR. GRANT... THANK YOU.

LOOK, MR. GRANT, YOU
COULD LOSE YOUR JOB.

I AM VERY SORRY, BUT I
CANNOT LET YOU PASS.

OKAY, GO AHEAD. GO ON.

GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THIS
IS LOU GRANT WITH THE SIX O'CLOCK NEWS.

QUINTS WERE BORN IN
CARACAS, VENEZUELA.

NEW TARIFF TALKS IN GENEVA. AND
A NEW HIGHWAY FOR THE TWIN CITIES.

MRS. ESTELLE
ARONDARA... [ Fades ]

IS EXPECTED TO GO TO
JURY SOMETIME NEXT WEEK.

I'LL BE BACK WITH A WRAP UP
OF THE LATE NEWS HEADLINES...

AND THE WEATHER FOR THE
TWIN CITIES AFTER THIS MESSAGE.

[ Woman On TV, Southern
Accent ] QUIET, IT'S MY SECRET.

[ Sighs ] HOW AM I DOING?
MR. GRANT, JUST GREAT.

YOU'RE SO COOL AND
PROFESSIONAL. THANK YOU.

- WH-WHERE YOU GOING?
- I'M GOING IN TO GET
A LITTLE MORE PROFESSIONAL.

WELL, UH, LISTEN, MR. GRANT, LET ME
FIX A CUP OF COFFEE. HOW ABOUT THAT?

MR. GRANT, YOU KNOW YOU'VE
ONLY GOT ABOUT 30 SECONDS.

UH, MR. GRANT, YOU'D
BETTER HURRY UP.

MR. GRANT, YOU WANT TO WAKE UP?

THIS IS HERB BERNSTEIN...
[ Clears Throat ]...

UH, SUBSTITUTING FOR LOU GRANT,

SUBSTITUTING FOR TED
BAXTER AND THE NEWS.

THE NEWS ISN'T TOO BAD TONIGHT.

DRINK IT, MR. GRANT. IT'LL...
IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

[ Mumbles ]

LOU, MARY, HAVE YOU HEARD
THE NEWS? THE STRIKE IS OVER.

OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
MR. GRANT, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

I HEARD. I HEARD. BOY, I FEEL SO
GOOD. I THINK I'LL CELEBRATE. HARRY,

DRINKS FOR EVERYONE, ON ME.

OH, WOW. ISN'T THAT
TERRIFIC? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

- [ All Shouting ]
- OHH! OHH!

OH, HEY, CONGRATULATIONS! HARRY!

HARRY! HARRY! HARRY!

HARRY, FORGET WHAT
I SAID! HARRY! HARRY!

[ Mews ]