Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 2, Episode 6 - Obscene Call - full transcript
Naomi receives obscene phone calls and the whole family tries to figure out what to do about them.
There's your change.
Thank you so much
for shoppin' Food Circus.
Don't forget to vote for
the friendly employee
of the month while leaving.
My name's Naomi.
And have a really nice day
and drive real careful.
Well, good lord
why didn't you shine his
shoes while you were at it?
Ms. Harper, I am
simply tryin' my best
to win that friendly
employee contest.
Well, may I suggest that you get
friendly with my groceries?
Frannie's gonna start
honkin' her horn any minute.
Believe me, nobody wants
you out of here more than I do.
Hey, Naomi, will you give me
a quick refund on
these bottles, huh?
I got my camper
double-parked out there.
I'm sorry, Sam. I have
a person ahead of you.
It'll only take a
sec for the refund
and another sec
for me to vote for ya.
Oh, well, as long as
you put it that way.
I'm sure you won't mind.
There she blows.
Well, there's another
vote for you, Naomi.
Of course, everybody
knows you're a shoo-in.
Oh, thanks, Sam.
Listen, drive carefully.
And have a nice day.
You gonna get your
friendly fingers to checkin'?
Lord, poor Frannie.
Bless her heart, she's
gonna die of sunstroke.
I'm comin', you nitwit.
Thelma, you want to
hear your horoscope?
No.
- Nice, honey.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Looky here,
champagne and flowers.
Guess what they're for?
I guess a bon voyage
party's too much to hope for.
Mrs. Naomi Harper
has been chosen
"Friendly employee of the month"
down at the Food Circus.
- How nice.
- Alright, Naomi.
Yeah. The award
goes to the checker
who's been the nicest all month.
Oh, honey.
I guess speed didn't count.
Would it kill you to show
me a little kindness one time?
Missy, you used up your one
time the day I let you in the door.
Oh, now, come on, you
two. This is a special night.
What do you say we all have
some champagne and celebrate?
Open that for me, Buzz?
Six glasses, right, dad?
Right, four with champagne
and two with
whatever you kids want.
- Aw.
- Aw, what a bummer.
Yeah. Go on, go on.
Never mind that
champagne business.
Just bring me a beer.
Well, alright, I'll get it.
Hello?
Yeah, this is Naomi.
What?
Who is this?
I beg your pardon.
Well, who was it, Skeeter?
It was nobody, honey.
Nobo.. Well, how could
nobody dial our number?
Hello?
Now listen, don't you
say things like that to me
and don't you ever
call this house again.
Well, what the..
Who was it, pumpkin?
Honey, it was
some kind of pervert
sayin' all sorts
of awful things.
What'd he say?
You mean an obscene phone call?
What'd he say?
An obscene phone
call? How do you know?
Trust me.
Well, what'd he say?
I don't get it.
Well, what'd he say?
Well, perhaps I
would understand it.
Uh, well, uh..
He said, uh..
What?
Well, will somebody
tell me what he said?
Oh, alright...
And don't you use
any dirty words.
Alright. He said
"Your..
"Ice cubes..
"My..
All night."
Well, I've never
heard such filth.
I don't like this.
I don't allow no weirdos on
the phone unless it's family.
- Ta-da.
- Alright, everybody.
- Champagne.
- We got it right here.
Well, here's to..
Well, aren't we supposed to
clink glasses or something?
Oh, honey.
What's goin' on here?
Well, if you must know
Naomi just got an
obscene phone call.
Two.
You're kiddin'.
- What'd he say?
- What'd he say?
It's none of your business.
Well, Vinton, you answer it.
Maybe if he hears a man's
voice he won't call back.
- That's a good idea, baby.
- You answer it, honey.
'Go on, baby.'
Hello?
Oh, sure. She's right here.
Hello?
Oh.
What did you give me
the phone for, honey?
I don't know. He sounded nice
enough when he asked for you.
Oh, it's somebody who knows me.
He asks for me by name.
What kind of a person does this?
Oh, a very sick
person, to be sure.
I read somewhere that
obscene phone callers
are cowards who cannot stand
a face-to-face confrontation
so they use the
telephone to hide behind.
Well, how are we
gonna make him stop?
There's only one good way
and that is taking the
phone off the hook.
No way. I'm expecting
a real important call
from my steady boyfriend.
You don't have a
steady boyfriend.
I'll never get one with
the phone off the hook.
It's a risk you'll have to take.
Stop it. Stop it.
We're not gonna let some pervert
cut us off from
the outside world.
I know exactly how
to take care of this.
They did a whole thing
about this on "Real people."
Everybody, go back
to what you're doin'
and forget about
these phone calls.
Now, you see? He
isn't even callin' back.
I'll get it.
I don't want you to
listen to all that dirty stuff.
I ain't gonna listen to nothin'.
If this telephone freak
wants to reach out
and touch someone in my
family he'll have to go through me.
No, Ms. Harper,
this is my fight.
Alright, listen up, you jackass
don't you ever call me ag...
What?
You stick that in your
ice cubes, you dip.
That was Mr. Palmer,
my boss at Food Circus
askin' me to work on Saturday.
Well, I don't guess
he'll ask you again.
Mr. Palmer, I'm so sorry
I called you a jackass. I...
Ooh.
Hello. Hello. Hello?
Oh, when are these
calls gonna stop?
Right now.
Hello, operator?
Give me the police.
No, I'm just callin' to check
last night's ratings
on "Hill street blues."
Change my phone number?
Well, I've had this
number forever.
And I've only had this
ding-a-ling for ten minutes.
Well, thanks a lot, officer.
I guess.
Can't they do
anything, Ms. Harper?
No, not much. Not unless
you can recognize his voice.
Recognize his voice?
I don't even recognize
half the words he uses.
I got it.
Grandma, I got a better idea.
Dad, where's your tape recorder?
Uh, it's on the desk. Why?
We can record his voice.
Then we'll have some
tangible evidence for the police.
Tape recordings
are not admissible
in a court of law.
Oh, put a cork in it, F. Lee.
I think it's a great idea, Buzz.
But it might be for me.
Nice goin', Buzz.
Give me the recorder,
and you pick up the phone.
Well, it was a good idea, Buzz.
- Give me the recorder.
- Here we go.
Pick up the phone. I'm ready.
Okay.
Hello?
It's him.
We got him now.
Just wait one second.
Push "Record," then "Play".
Hello? Hello?
Shoot. He hung up.
He's probably not
into Willie Nelson.
When are they gonna
stop? What are we gonna do?
Alright, that's it.
I'm takin' charge now.
Sonia, Buzz..
Buzz, Sonia, you go
upstairs. You got studyin' to do.
- We can't study upstairs.
- Why not?
- There's no TV up there.
- Upstairs.
- Go on.
- It was just gettin' good.
Go on. Go on. Go
on. Go on. Go on.
Now, let's see what we got here.
First of all
this guy must be
somebody Naomi knows
because he asked
for her by name.
Well, Dick Tracy
can sleep tonight.
Why is he pickin' on me? Why me?
I guess maybe that
friendliness of yours
got a bit out of hand.
"Thank you for
shoppin' Food Circus.
You drive careful and
have a real nice day."
I was simply doin' my job.
Your job is to check groceries
not to make goo-goo eyes at
every Tom, Dick, and Weirdo
that comes through
the express lane.
Well, you have to be
a little extra friendly
when you can't accept checks.
Oh, now, come on.
Stop pickin' on Naomi.
She was tryin' to
win that contest.
I think maybe she
tried a little too hard.
I suppose you think
this is all my fault.
I've never heard
anything so ridiculous.
Have you, Frannie?
Oh, well, I don't
think Thelma meant
that it was your fault, exactly.
What do you mean, "Exactly?"
Well, I mean perhaps
she was simply referring
to your naturally
outgoing manner
not to mention
the way you dress.
What is the matter
with the way I dress?
Good lord, if that
blouse was any lower
it'd be a skirt.
And the way you
sashay down the street
in them spiky heels..
That just happens
to be the way I move.
Well, it's the way
most people rumba.
Vinton, do you
believe these things?
Me? Oh, no, no.
Heck, no, Skeeter.
Why, I think you're just..
Perfect the way you are.
Well, maybe your blouse
could be a little higher.
I thought you
said I was perfect.
Well, you are. You are.
It's just that, you
know, maybe you could
wear shoes that are
a little less you know..
That make you
walk a little less..
Then you do think that
these phone calls are my fault.
Yeah. No. No, I..
Well, I don't know.
I know when he calls
he's not askin'
for anybody else.
Vinton, I wear a name tag.
I wear a name tag, too.
No dirty old men are callin' me.
Keep walkin' like
Naomi and they might.
Well, that does it.
My friendly days are over.
I'm not speakin' to
any of you ever again.
- Oh, now, come on, Skeeter.
- Don't touch me.
What'd I say?
That I walk like a hussy,
and dress like a tramp
and entice every man who
comes to buy something.
Oh, honey, couldn't we
just talk about this in private?
No, we can't.
You sided against me, Vinton
and I have nothin'
further to say to you.
Oh, now, honey,
if you'd just let me..
I am never gonna
"Let you" again.
Skeeter.
Some people just can't
take constructive criticism.
Baby.
Come on. Have some breakfast.
Sweetie, come on. Come
out from under there.
You're gonna have
to eat somethin'.
Oh.
I can't eat, mama.
- I'm too upset about Naomi.
- Oh, Vinton.
Last night was the first night
since we've been married
that we haven't..
That we, that we didn't..
There goes the
Guinness Book of Records.
She didn't even kiss me
goodbye when she went to work.
Well, I think she's
overreacting, Vinton.
After all, we were
trying to help.
Well, you can't blame her.
She's real upset about
those phone calls.
Oh, Vinton, she brought
them calls on herself.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't like it when
she's mad at me.
She's in a little snit now.
She'll be over it
in a couple of days.
A couple of days?
A couple of days
means a couple of nights.
I can't wait that long.
Hello?
No, Naomi isn't home right now.
Well, what the..
You wanna what?
It's him.
Alright, listen. Who is this?
You wanna what?
Now, look here,
mister, I've had just..
You wanna what?
That guy wants to
"What" with all of us.
Ooh.
Now I think I know
how Naomi must have felt.
That poor thing.
Oh, it's a good thing
she wasn't here.
He didn't care if she was here.
That loony would
talk to anybody.
I think we better
high-tail it to Food Circus.
I believe we owe
Naomi an apology.
It is extremely disturbing
when he actually says
those things to you.
And he actually said
those things to me.
Fella's not only obscene,
he's ambidextrous.
Would you hurry up, please?
This is the express lane.
I'm sorry to take so long,
but I don't see very well.
Well, get some glasses.
Well, where are you going?
The door is out this way.
Here, take your package.
Oh.
Old bat.
Naomi, we have to talk to you.
Unless you are here
to purchase something
we have nothin' to
say to one another.
Oh, come on, honey.
This is important.
Attention all Food
Circus shoppers.
There is no waiting
at the express lane.
We better purchase something
or she'll never talk to us.
Alright, everybody
go pick out one item.
Don't spend an arm and a leg.
Mornin', darlin'.
How's my Food Circus sweetheart?
What's that crack
supposed to mean?
It's just my way of
sayin' hello, Naomi.
- Say that again.
- It's just my way of say...
No, just, "Hello, Naomi,"
only say it in a whisper.
Hello, Naomi.
No, more gravelly-voiced.
Hello, Naomi.
No, pack it through
your nose more.
Hello, Naomi.
Oh, alright. So it isn't you.
But after this, I want you to
just watch your step, Sam.
- Here's your change. Scram.
- Bye, Naomi.
That loaf of bread
will cost you a buck.
Now, get out of here.
This is $2.49.
Naomi, we made
a terrible mistake.
Those obscene phone
calls were not your fault.
Here's your change.
Thank you for shopping
Food Circus. Next?
Uh, well, uh..
You're not gonna
believe this, Naomi
but I got one of them
obscene phone calls today.
That'll be $3.69.
What I'm tryin' to say
is that you were right.
You weren't askin' for it.
Shoot, he called me
and I haven't asked
for it in 27 years.
Here's your change.
Will there be
anything else, madam?
Well, I'm tryin'
to apologize here.
Next?
Well, Vinton, we
don't have a dog.
What are you doin' with
a 25-pound bag of Kibble?
If I was gonna be
in the doghouse
I might as well eat like one.
Woof. Woof.
That'll be $13.95.
Oh, come on, Skeeter.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I just
say dumb things.
- Oh, Vinton.
- No, I do. I do.
But I.. I love you
so much, honey.
I just.. I can't stand
to spend another night
without those shoulders.
Vinton.
Oh, honey, I was wrong.
I was wrong, okay?
I should have stood up for ya.
Look, when a man is married
to a wonderful woman like you
he oughta defend
her against all odds.
Lord knows my family's
odd as they come.
Oh, Vinton, I love you.
Aw.
Mmm.
$347.22?
Well, it was worth every penny.
Looks like the lovebirds
are back together again.
Yeah, the cuckoos
are back in the nest.
I think I got it now.
Hello, Naomi.
Hello, Naomi?
Good lord.
Oh, no.
Hello.
Well, I'm glad you
called back, you slimeball.
Now, you listen up, here.
My name is Thelma Harper.
I'm an old woman, and I
got a passel of grown kids
and my kids got
kids of their own.
I got wrinkles and bunions,
and on hot days my ankles swell.
I'm covered with cellulite
from my neck to my knees.
If any of that turns you on
you just keep talkin'.
'Hello?'
'Hello.'
'Guess he wasn't thinkin'
in terms of an older woman.'
Thank you so much
for shoppin' Food Circus.
Don't forget to vote for
the friendly employee
of the month while leaving.
My name's Naomi.
And have a really nice day
and drive real careful.
Well, good lord
why didn't you shine his
shoes while you were at it?
Ms. Harper, I am
simply tryin' my best
to win that friendly
employee contest.
Well, may I suggest that you get
friendly with my groceries?
Frannie's gonna start
honkin' her horn any minute.
Believe me, nobody wants
you out of here more than I do.
Hey, Naomi, will you give me
a quick refund on
these bottles, huh?
I got my camper
double-parked out there.
I'm sorry, Sam. I have
a person ahead of you.
It'll only take a
sec for the refund
and another sec
for me to vote for ya.
Oh, well, as long as
you put it that way.
I'm sure you won't mind.
There she blows.
Well, there's another
vote for you, Naomi.
Of course, everybody
knows you're a shoo-in.
Oh, thanks, Sam.
Listen, drive carefully.
And have a nice day.
You gonna get your
friendly fingers to checkin'?
Lord, poor Frannie.
Bless her heart, she's
gonna die of sunstroke.
I'm comin', you nitwit.
Thelma, you want to
hear your horoscope?
No.
- Nice, honey.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Looky here,
champagne and flowers.
Guess what they're for?
I guess a bon voyage
party's too much to hope for.
Mrs. Naomi Harper
has been chosen
"Friendly employee of the month"
down at the Food Circus.
- How nice.
- Alright, Naomi.
Yeah. The award
goes to the checker
who's been the nicest all month.
Oh, honey.
I guess speed didn't count.
Would it kill you to show
me a little kindness one time?
Missy, you used up your one
time the day I let you in the door.
Oh, now, come on, you
two. This is a special night.
What do you say we all have
some champagne and celebrate?
Open that for me, Buzz?
Six glasses, right, dad?
Right, four with champagne
and two with
whatever you kids want.
- Aw.
- Aw, what a bummer.
Yeah. Go on, go on.
Never mind that
champagne business.
Just bring me a beer.
Well, alright, I'll get it.
Hello?
Yeah, this is Naomi.
What?
Who is this?
I beg your pardon.
Well, who was it, Skeeter?
It was nobody, honey.
Nobo.. Well, how could
nobody dial our number?
Hello?
Now listen, don't you
say things like that to me
and don't you ever
call this house again.
Well, what the..
Who was it, pumpkin?
Honey, it was
some kind of pervert
sayin' all sorts
of awful things.
What'd he say?
You mean an obscene phone call?
What'd he say?
An obscene phone
call? How do you know?
Trust me.
Well, what'd he say?
I don't get it.
Well, what'd he say?
Well, perhaps I
would understand it.
Uh, well, uh..
He said, uh..
What?
Well, will somebody
tell me what he said?
Oh, alright...
And don't you use
any dirty words.
Alright. He said
"Your..
"Ice cubes..
"My..
All night."
Well, I've never
heard such filth.
I don't like this.
I don't allow no weirdos on
the phone unless it's family.
- Ta-da.
- Alright, everybody.
- Champagne.
- We got it right here.
Well, here's to..
Well, aren't we supposed to
clink glasses or something?
Oh, honey.
What's goin' on here?
Well, if you must know
Naomi just got an
obscene phone call.
Two.
You're kiddin'.
- What'd he say?
- What'd he say?
It's none of your business.
Well, Vinton, you answer it.
Maybe if he hears a man's
voice he won't call back.
- That's a good idea, baby.
- You answer it, honey.
'Go on, baby.'
Hello?
Oh, sure. She's right here.
Hello?
Oh.
What did you give me
the phone for, honey?
I don't know. He sounded nice
enough when he asked for you.
Oh, it's somebody who knows me.
He asks for me by name.
What kind of a person does this?
Oh, a very sick
person, to be sure.
I read somewhere that
obscene phone callers
are cowards who cannot stand
a face-to-face confrontation
so they use the
telephone to hide behind.
Well, how are we
gonna make him stop?
There's only one good way
and that is taking the
phone off the hook.
No way. I'm expecting
a real important call
from my steady boyfriend.
You don't have a
steady boyfriend.
I'll never get one with
the phone off the hook.
It's a risk you'll have to take.
Stop it. Stop it.
We're not gonna let some pervert
cut us off from
the outside world.
I know exactly how
to take care of this.
They did a whole thing
about this on "Real people."
Everybody, go back
to what you're doin'
and forget about
these phone calls.
Now, you see? He
isn't even callin' back.
I'll get it.
I don't want you to
listen to all that dirty stuff.
I ain't gonna listen to nothin'.
If this telephone freak
wants to reach out
and touch someone in my
family he'll have to go through me.
No, Ms. Harper,
this is my fight.
Alright, listen up, you jackass
don't you ever call me ag...
What?
You stick that in your
ice cubes, you dip.
That was Mr. Palmer,
my boss at Food Circus
askin' me to work on Saturday.
Well, I don't guess
he'll ask you again.
Mr. Palmer, I'm so sorry
I called you a jackass. I...
Ooh.
Hello. Hello. Hello?
Oh, when are these
calls gonna stop?
Right now.
Hello, operator?
Give me the police.
No, I'm just callin' to check
last night's ratings
on "Hill street blues."
Change my phone number?
Well, I've had this
number forever.
And I've only had this
ding-a-ling for ten minutes.
Well, thanks a lot, officer.
I guess.
Can't they do
anything, Ms. Harper?
No, not much. Not unless
you can recognize his voice.
Recognize his voice?
I don't even recognize
half the words he uses.
I got it.
Grandma, I got a better idea.
Dad, where's your tape recorder?
Uh, it's on the desk. Why?
We can record his voice.
Then we'll have some
tangible evidence for the police.
Tape recordings
are not admissible
in a court of law.
Oh, put a cork in it, F. Lee.
I think it's a great idea, Buzz.
But it might be for me.
Nice goin', Buzz.
Give me the recorder,
and you pick up the phone.
Well, it was a good idea, Buzz.
- Give me the recorder.
- Here we go.
Pick up the phone. I'm ready.
Okay.
Hello?
It's him.
We got him now.
Just wait one second.
Push "Record," then "Play".
Hello? Hello?
Shoot. He hung up.
He's probably not
into Willie Nelson.
When are they gonna
stop? What are we gonna do?
Alright, that's it.
I'm takin' charge now.
Sonia, Buzz..
Buzz, Sonia, you go
upstairs. You got studyin' to do.
- We can't study upstairs.
- Why not?
- There's no TV up there.
- Upstairs.
- Go on.
- It was just gettin' good.
Go on. Go on. Go
on. Go on. Go on.
Now, let's see what we got here.
First of all
this guy must be
somebody Naomi knows
because he asked
for her by name.
Well, Dick Tracy
can sleep tonight.
Why is he pickin' on me? Why me?
I guess maybe that
friendliness of yours
got a bit out of hand.
"Thank you for
shoppin' Food Circus.
You drive careful and
have a real nice day."
I was simply doin' my job.
Your job is to check groceries
not to make goo-goo eyes at
every Tom, Dick, and Weirdo
that comes through
the express lane.
Well, you have to be
a little extra friendly
when you can't accept checks.
Oh, now, come on.
Stop pickin' on Naomi.
She was tryin' to
win that contest.
I think maybe she
tried a little too hard.
I suppose you think
this is all my fault.
I've never heard
anything so ridiculous.
Have you, Frannie?
Oh, well, I don't
think Thelma meant
that it was your fault, exactly.
What do you mean, "Exactly?"
Well, I mean perhaps
she was simply referring
to your naturally
outgoing manner
not to mention
the way you dress.
What is the matter
with the way I dress?
Good lord, if that
blouse was any lower
it'd be a skirt.
And the way you
sashay down the street
in them spiky heels..
That just happens
to be the way I move.
Well, it's the way
most people rumba.
Vinton, do you
believe these things?
Me? Oh, no, no.
Heck, no, Skeeter.
Why, I think you're just..
Perfect the way you are.
Well, maybe your blouse
could be a little higher.
I thought you
said I was perfect.
Well, you are. You are.
It's just that, you
know, maybe you could
wear shoes that are
a little less you know..
That make you
walk a little less..
Then you do think that
these phone calls are my fault.
Yeah. No. No, I..
Well, I don't know.
I know when he calls
he's not askin'
for anybody else.
Vinton, I wear a name tag.
I wear a name tag, too.
No dirty old men are callin' me.
Keep walkin' like
Naomi and they might.
Well, that does it.
My friendly days are over.
I'm not speakin' to
any of you ever again.
- Oh, now, come on, Skeeter.
- Don't touch me.
What'd I say?
That I walk like a hussy,
and dress like a tramp
and entice every man who
comes to buy something.
Oh, honey, couldn't we
just talk about this in private?
No, we can't.
You sided against me, Vinton
and I have nothin'
further to say to you.
Oh, now, honey,
if you'd just let me..
I am never gonna
"Let you" again.
Skeeter.
Some people just can't
take constructive criticism.
Baby.
Come on. Have some breakfast.
Sweetie, come on. Come
out from under there.
You're gonna have
to eat somethin'.
Oh.
I can't eat, mama.
- I'm too upset about Naomi.
- Oh, Vinton.
Last night was the first night
since we've been married
that we haven't..
That we, that we didn't..
There goes the
Guinness Book of Records.
She didn't even kiss me
goodbye when she went to work.
Well, I think she's
overreacting, Vinton.
After all, we were
trying to help.
Well, you can't blame her.
She's real upset about
those phone calls.
Oh, Vinton, she brought
them calls on herself.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't like it when
she's mad at me.
She's in a little snit now.
She'll be over it
in a couple of days.
A couple of days?
A couple of days
means a couple of nights.
I can't wait that long.
Hello?
No, Naomi isn't home right now.
Well, what the..
You wanna what?
It's him.
Alright, listen. Who is this?
You wanna what?
Now, look here,
mister, I've had just..
You wanna what?
That guy wants to
"What" with all of us.
Ooh.
Now I think I know
how Naomi must have felt.
That poor thing.
Oh, it's a good thing
she wasn't here.
He didn't care if she was here.
That loony would
talk to anybody.
I think we better
high-tail it to Food Circus.
I believe we owe
Naomi an apology.
It is extremely disturbing
when he actually says
those things to you.
And he actually said
those things to me.
Fella's not only obscene,
he's ambidextrous.
Would you hurry up, please?
This is the express lane.
I'm sorry to take so long,
but I don't see very well.
Well, get some glasses.
Well, where are you going?
The door is out this way.
Here, take your package.
Oh.
Old bat.
Naomi, we have to talk to you.
Unless you are here
to purchase something
we have nothin' to
say to one another.
Oh, come on, honey.
This is important.
Attention all Food
Circus shoppers.
There is no waiting
at the express lane.
We better purchase something
or she'll never talk to us.
Alright, everybody
go pick out one item.
Don't spend an arm and a leg.
Mornin', darlin'.
How's my Food Circus sweetheart?
What's that crack
supposed to mean?
It's just my way of
sayin' hello, Naomi.
- Say that again.
- It's just my way of say...
No, just, "Hello, Naomi,"
only say it in a whisper.
Hello, Naomi.
No, more gravelly-voiced.
Hello, Naomi.
No, pack it through
your nose more.
Hello, Naomi.
Oh, alright. So it isn't you.
But after this, I want you to
just watch your step, Sam.
- Here's your change. Scram.
- Bye, Naomi.
That loaf of bread
will cost you a buck.
Now, get out of here.
This is $2.49.
Naomi, we made
a terrible mistake.
Those obscene phone
calls were not your fault.
Here's your change.
Thank you for shopping
Food Circus. Next?
Uh, well, uh..
You're not gonna
believe this, Naomi
but I got one of them
obscene phone calls today.
That'll be $3.69.
What I'm tryin' to say
is that you were right.
You weren't askin' for it.
Shoot, he called me
and I haven't asked
for it in 27 years.
Here's your change.
Will there be
anything else, madam?
Well, I'm tryin'
to apologize here.
Next?
Well, Vinton, we
don't have a dog.
What are you doin' with
a 25-pound bag of Kibble?
If I was gonna be
in the doghouse
I might as well eat like one.
Woof. Woof.
That'll be $13.95.
Oh, come on, Skeeter.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I just
say dumb things.
- Oh, Vinton.
- No, I do. I do.
But I.. I love you
so much, honey.
I just.. I can't stand
to spend another night
without those shoulders.
Vinton.
Oh, honey, I was wrong.
I was wrong, okay?
I should have stood up for ya.
Look, when a man is married
to a wonderful woman like you
he oughta defend
her against all odds.
Lord knows my family's
odd as they come.
Oh, Vinton, I love you.
Aw.
Mmm.
$347.22?
Well, it was worth every penny.
Looks like the lovebirds
are back together again.
Yeah, the cuckoos
are back in the nest.
I think I got it now.
Hello, Naomi.
Hello, Naomi?
Good lord.
Oh, no.
Hello.
Well, I'm glad you
called back, you slimeball.
Now, you listen up, here.
My name is Thelma Harper.
I'm an old woman, and I
got a passel of grown kids
and my kids got
kids of their own.
I got wrinkles and bunions,
and on hot days my ankles swell.
I'm covered with cellulite
from my neck to my knees.
If any of that turns you on
you just keep talkin'.
'Hello?'
'Hello.'
'Guess he wasn't thinkin'
in terms of an older woman.'