Mama's Family (1983–1990): Season 2, Episode 7 - Ellen's Boyfriend - full transcript
Mama's oldest daughter Ellen (Betty White) is dating a young man 20 years her junior. She absolutely does not want the rest of the Harpers to meet him. Fearing their jokes and their judgment,especially Thelma's,she's able to hide him,until they all happen to wind up at the town's best restaurant at the same time.
I'll bet Francis Ford Coppola
doesn't put up with this.
Freeze!
All leaves are canceled.
This is your Aunt
Ellen's slide night.
Do we have to, Grandma?
This is the fourth
time in two weeks.
Park it over here, and
when she gets here
I want you to act interested.
Goes for you, too,
Ms. Tippy-toes.
Thelma, over the
past several weeks
I have committed 14 boxes
of Ellen's European
slides to memory.
I plan to spend this evening
in my room trying to forget.
While you're up there
may I suggest that
you try to remember
how to do all your own
washin' and ironin' from now on?
That is nothin' but sheer,
unadulterated blackmail..
And extremely effective.
Vinton, have you and Naomi
finished them dishes yet?
'Just about, Mama. Oops!'
'We're done now, Ms. Harper.'
Get out here while
I still got a dish left!
- Sure thing, Mama.
- Help me set this screen up.
Oh, no, not
Ellen's slides again.
First Paris, then
London, then Rome..
Vinton, I can't go
on livin' like this.
Alright, now
listen up, all of you.
These slides are borin'
my bunions off, too
but we owe it to Ellen.
Ever since her divorce, she's
been wandering like a lost soul.
Now, sit down.
Not you, Vinton! Get
this dang screen up!
We are all sympathetic
to poor Ellen's plight
but that doesn't give her the
right to come into our home
and make us as
miserable as she is.
Frannie, that's what
families are all about.
Ooh!
When she gets here, I want
you to all put on a happy face.
Keep it light and cheerful.
I don't care how
down-in-the-mouth she is.
Bonsoir, ma famille.
I know you had all planned
on seein' Tahiti tonight
but you'll just have
to go on without me.
Mama, here, you
can run the slides.
Without you to narrate?
Well, just start at
Papeete and move East.
Water's water.
And the natives
are self-explanatory.
Ellen, this whole
evening was for you.
If you're not gonna be here,
we might as well call it off.
Grandma's right.
I say we call it off.
Yeah, what a pity.
I don't know if
we'll get over it.
- A Slurpee will do the job.
- Hey, good idea. Bye.
Just a minute. Don't
you stay out too late.
And don't you talk
to any strangers.
'And don't you get
into anybody's car.'
And stay away from The Big Gulp
you'll be up all night.
Bye.
Have fun!
I must be runnin', too.
Just exactly where
is it that you're goin'?
It's sort of a
get-together, or a meeting.
Which is it, a
get-together or a meetin'?
It's an organization of
single people like myself
bright, sophisticated,
divorced or widowed.
What's it called?
Quitters and losers.
Good lord, Ellen, a
lonely-heart's club.
You have hit rock bottom.
Oh, I think it sounds very
nice for divorcees and widows.
It's one thing to
have a failed marriage
but you don't have to
make a party out of it.
I knew you'd understand, Mama.
Oh, Ellen, uh..
Hang on a second,
I got somethin'.
I got somethin' for you here.
I had these keys made
to fit those new locks I
installed in your house.
Vinton, how thoughtful.
How sweet. How much?
You get half my 10% discount.
Yeah, Vinton's in the
middle of a contest
to see which locksmith
can make and sell the
most keys in a month.
And the winner
gets dinner for four.
I'm just dyin' to hear
more, but I've got to run.
What is the big rush?
You don't want to
spend a whole evenin'
with bored, lonely,
people with nothing to do.
Of course not,
that's why I'm leavin'.
At least we don't have
to watch her stupid slides.
Says who?
I didn't make a whole
tub of popcorn for nothin'.
Ain't you got the screen up yet?
Yeah, I got it, I got it.
Good lord, we could've
swum to Tahiti by now.
There.
Oh, uh..
Roll 'em.
You were sweet to
drive me over, Glen.
No, I wasn't.
Oh, yes, you were.
You were very sweet.
No, I wasn't. This is sweet.
I see your point.
Besides, I've been waiting
two weeks to meet your family.
Nobody's home today.
Mama's usually here
but today she had an
appointment with the dentist.
Oh, that's too bad.
Isn't it?
Now, where is this place
you're takin' me tonight
that I have to get
so dressed up?
Only to one of the
finest bistros in town
The Chez Ray.
- The Chez Ray?
- You don't like it?
Oh, yes, Glen, it's just that
it's so popular and crowded
and I'm so.. And you're so..
- Ellen.
- There's...
Ellen, will you stop with
this silly concern about age?
These days, nobody
cares about age.
Especially in a sophisticated
metropolis like Raytown.
I made the reservations,
and we're going.
I just hope Mama remembered
to leave her evenin'
bag out for me.
I bought it especially
for her last Christmas.
Oh, I'll bet she loved it.
No, she hated it.
I knew she would.
- Why did you give it to her?
- Because I loved it.
Shouldn't you have given
her something she likes?
No, then she wouldn't
let me borrow it.
- I see.
- No, you don't.
You're right.
'Vinton, will you hurry up?'
- Who was that?
- It's Mama.
She must've changed
her appointment.
Great, now I have a
chance to meet her.
No. No, not just yet.
She's going to have to
meet me sooner or later.
Later. Later.
Why don't we start
meetin' easy people
like waiters and maitre d's?
Then, if we work that
through, we can tackle families.
Okay, I'll wait in the car.
Ellen, am I glad to see you.
You got here just in time.
Aren't you supposed
to be at the dentist?
Yes, but I can't tear
Vinton away from the phone.
He's tryin' to find out if
he won that stupid contest.
- Vinton.
- They put me on hold.
Come on, Ellen, you can take me.
No, I can't, Mama. A
friend drove me over.
A friend?
Someone I met at
Quitters and Losers.
Is he a quitter or a loser?
He's a very nice person,
and we have a lot in common.
Get him in here so
we can have a look.
No, I.. Oh, he just
would never get over it
if I'd not give him
a chance to fix up
before he met my Mama.
What's the matter with
him? What's he got to fix?
Nothin'. Nothin'.
Ellen, you're actin'
real strange about this.
He isn't some old codger, is he?
Oh, no. No, not at all.
Well, then, what is it? Is
he some sort of a foreigner?
No, Mama, he isn't.
I hope he doesn't have one
of them peculiar religions.
He's Presbyterian.
Well, that's alright.
Get him in here!
Mama, I've got to run.
Thank you for the loan.
Ellen.. Well, what the..
Ellen, Ellen!
Presbyterian, huh?
Well, they run a good Bingo.
Ha ha! Mama!
Mama, I did it! I won!
I'm takin' us all
out to dinner tonight
to the fanciest restaurant
in town, The Chez Ray!
You're delectable.
Now, don't start.
You'll just make me want
to skip dinner altogether.
No, no, no. We
need our strength.
But we'll have double dessert.
One here and one..
At your apartment?
Or in my car.
Or on the way to the car.
Ooh, Ellen, you are so bad.
You are so good.
Sit tight. I'll be right back.
- Wha...
- Uh, uh, ah, ah.
A little surprise.
I love surprises.
This is so nice!
Well, what do you think?
Is this real swank or what?
Oh, yeah. You can tell when
they have real cloth napkins
that the place is real uptown.
I guess I'm doin' pretty good
tonight, wouldn't you say, Mama?
We haven't tasted
the food yet, Vinton.
Look over there.
Isn't that Ellen?
Where?
There, by herself.
There's nothin' more pathetic
than a woman sittin'
alone in a restaurant.
Oh, that poor thing!
Let's go on over
and cheer her up.
- Won't she be surprised.
- Are you sure that's Ellen?
- Maybe.
- Ellen?
Mama, what in the
world are you doin' here?
- Aren't you surprised?
- Vinton won his contest.
So, we're gonna
put on a feed bag.
May I help you please?
No, we got help comin'
out our ears. Thank you.
Mama, I am not alone.
Glen brought me here tonight.
Glen? Is that your
new boyfriend?
Oh, how romantic.
Glen and I are just friends.
There is nothing
romantic about...
Is that him?
Yes.
'Look at this, look at this.'
Well... that's terrific, Glen.
He dresses kind of funny,
but he plays a mean fiddle.
I'll say. Oh, we'll
have beers all around.
Vinton! This is Glen.
Oh, my gosh, I
thought he was a waiter.
I thought he was the busboy.
Well, who pushed your button?
How do we get rid of him?
I think he's
expectin' a gratuity.
For cryin' out loud.
There ya go.
Glen, I would like to
have you meet my family.
- This is my Mama, Mrs. Harper.
- Hello.
- And my brother, Vinton.
- Hey.
- And his wife, Mrs. Harper.
- Hi.
- And this is my aunt, Fran.
- How do you do?
Well, what a nice surprise.
I've heard so much about you.
That's funny. We haven't
heard a peep about you.
I can't imagine why.
So, you're Ellen's new
boyfriend..manfriend.
I'm not that new.
You look pretty new to me.
Why don't we see
what we want to eat?
'Yes, good idea.'
The Beef Wellington is
one of their specialties.
I've had it several times.
I didn't see that on here.
I bet you ordered it
off the kiddie menu.
Yes, Ellen, your mother
has a unique sense of humor.
Yes, the kind that isn't funny.
Well, I think you
did great, Ellen.
This guy's a real hunk!
Well, good lord!
Why don't we just
change the subject?
And while we're on the
subject of changing the subject.
- Where did you get that bag?
- Uh-oh.
What bag?
That white satin beaded
bag that is on your lap.
Alright, I lent it to her.
How many times have I
begged you to borrow that bag?
At least five times.
But you always said
- "It's not for lendin'.
- It's not for lendin'.
Ellen gave me that
bag for Christmas."
It's not for lendin' to you!
She only bought me that
so she could borrow it back.
I had to carry a
black patent leather
to a Spring wedding
just because you wouldn't
let hold of that dang bag.
All you care about's
that stupid purse
and here's my daughter
makin' a fool of herself
with some kid she
picked up at a malt shop!
That's enough, Mama!
Frannie, how do
you pronounce this?
- Trout...
- Meniere.
If I may say so, I
do think that Ellen
is old enough to
live her own life.
She's old enough
to live two of his.
But it's the latest thing
a younger guy and a
much, much older woman.
Naomi, will you do me a favor
and don't defend me?
Mrs. Harper..
Ellen and I are well
aware of our age difference.
Doesn't bother us.
Well, who cares
what you two think?
I'm worried about my neighbors.
We really don't care
what people think.
Butt out, you fuzzy-faced
fortune hunter.
Good idea.
I'm not only gonna butt
out, I'm gonna get out.
Come on, Ellen.
Ellen..
Ellen Harper
Jackson, you sit down.
Is there a, uh, problem here?
Oh, yeah, there sure is.
And this one's really
got us stumped.
See, this is Ellen.
She's my oldest sister.
She's older than I am
and she's runnin' with...
Vinton!
It's just a little
misunderstanding.
It is a big misunderstanding.
Perhaps if you'd all just order.
Yeah, good idea.
I believe I'll have
that trout manure.
Ellen, I think we should
go someplace else
and let your lovely family
enjoy their dinner in peace.
Ellen, I don't believe
you're doin' this to me.
Ellen, are you
going with me or not?
I don't know!
Okay, Ellen. I may
be younger than you
but I haven't taken
orders from my family
in over 15 years.
Soon as you get a
note from your mother..
Give me a call. Good night!
Well, I hope there aren't
any bones in that manure.
Thelma! Honestly,
it's past midnight.
Are you gonna
come to bed or what?
Nope, I can't sleep.
When I'm done here
I'm gonna polish the
dining room table and chairs.
Thelma, why don't you just learn
how to talk out your problems?
Every time you get
upset you start cleaning.
So?
That doesn't really
solve anything, does it?
No, but at least, I don't have
to feel bad in a dirty house.
Considering the
tasteless turn of events
it's no wonder you can't sleep.
I've learned to accept
public humiliation
from all my other kids,
but never Ellen, not Ellen.
No, not Ellen. Perfect Ellen.
Ellen of the
borrowed beaded bag!
Oh, will you get off it?
If you'll quit
yammerin' about it
you can have the dang thing!
I hope you two old bags
live happily ever after.
Well, Thelma, thank you.
That's very sweet of you.
Lord, what was
that girl thinkin'?
I've got wrinkles that
are older than that boy.
How dare you?
How dare me what?
And how dare you
come waltzin' in
here, slammin' my door
and wakin' up my family?
How dare you?
This was the most miserable,
humiliatin' evenin' of my life!
Of your life? What about me?
My own daughter, traipsin' off
with the young and the restless!
His name is Glen,
and for your information
he is a highly successful
and respected businessman
who could have his pick
of any number of women.
Then what the hell's
he doin' with you?
Anything he wants,
Mama! Anything he wants!
Oh, lord!
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself, Ellen.
A woman your age.
Why is it when Bruce ran
off with a girl half his age
everybody wasn't
a bit surprised?
They thought him a sly old dog.
Good old Bruce.
Who can blame him?
But when I'm seen with
a man younger than me
I'm supposed to be
ashamed? Well, I'm not, Mama.
Well, you ought to be.
It just ain't right, Ellen.
After Carl died, did you see me
runnin' off after younger men?
Did you see me runnin'
off after older men?
Shoot, I didn't even give
the milkman the time of day!
I am not you, Mama!
I am nothin' like you!
Oh, no, Ellen, I know.
You've never been
anything like me.
You've always
been prettier than me
smarter than me, you
married better than me
you got yourself
your big fancy house!
And not six months after
your husband walks out on you
you show up with
a guy that would put
Gary Cooper to shame!
Mama, you're jealous.
After your daddy died, I
knew the right thing to do.
I just put that part
of my life behind me.
That's what any decent
woman ought to do.
That's what I
thought you would do.
You are jealous.
I thought Carl
was all there was.
I never dreamed anybody
would want an old woman like me.
Maybe I just never had
the gumption to find out.
Oh, Mama, it's
not too late for you.
Oh, lord, Ellen, it's been
too late for me since 1965.
Mama.
Maybe there is
somethin' to be said
for gettin' 'em young.
Least you don't outlive 'em.
Sure ain't no fun
goin' on by yourself.
Oh, Mama, you have
Vint, and Naomi, and Fran..
I see what you mean.
Ellen, all I've ever wanted
was for my babies to be happy.
So, if Glen what's-his-face
is what it takes
well, then, who am I to say no.
Oh, thank you, Mama.
I know you're gonna love Glen
if you just give it
a little more time.
If I give it enough time, he
won't be too young for you.
Mama.
I don't want you to
let a foolish old lady
stop you from
doin' anything again.
Oh, thank you, honey.
I'm gonna go tell
Glen that I was wrong.
You're not goin' over there now?
I've got to.
It's the middle of the night.
I know.
He'll be in bed by now.
Yes!
Can't you use the phone?
Good lord, what'll
the neighbors think?
'Lord, how'd I ever raise
such a pack of sex maniacs?'
'They sure didn't get
it from their daddy.'
doesn't put up with this.
Freeze!
All leaves are canceled.
This is your Aunt
Ellen's slide night.
Do we have to, Grandma?
This is the fourth
time in two weeks.
Park it over here, and
when she gets here
I want you to act interested.
Goes for you, too,
Ms. Tippy-toes.
Thelma, over the
past several weeks
I have committed 14 boxes
of Ellen's European
slides to memory.
I plan to spend this evening
in my room trying to forget.
While you're up there
may I suggest that
you try to remember
how to do all your own
washin' and ironin' from now on?
That is nothin' but sheer,
unadulterated blackmail..
And extremely effective.
Vinton, have you and Naomi
finished them dishes yet?
'Just about, Mama. Oops!'
'We're done now, Ms. Harper.'
Get out here while
I still got a dish left!
- Sure thing, Mama.
- Help me set this screen up.
Oh, no, not
Ellen's slides again.
First Paris, then
London, then Rome..
Vinton, I can't go
on livin' like this.
Alright, now
listen up, all of you.
These slides are borin'
my bunions off, too
but we owe it to Ellen.
Ever since her divorce, she's
been wandering like a lost soul.
Now, sit down.
Not you, Vinton! Get
this dang screen up!
We are all sympathetic
to poor Ellen's plight
but that doesn't give her the
right to come into our home
and make us as
miserable as she is.
Frannie, that's what
families are all about.
Ooh!
When she gets here, I want
you to all put on a happy face.
Keep it light and cheerful.
I don't care how
down-in-the-mouth she is.
Bonsoir, ma famille.
I know you had all planned
on seein' Tahiti tonight
but you'll just have
to go on without me.
Mama, here, you
can run the slides.
Without you to narrate?
Well, just start at
Papeete and move East.
Water's water.
And the natives
are self-explanatory.
Ellen, this whole
evening was for you.
If you're not gonna be here,
we might as well call it off.
Grandma's right.
I say we call it off.
Yeah, what a pity.
I don't know if
we'll get over it.
- A Slurpee will do the job.
- Hey, good idea. Bye.
Just a minute. Don't
you stay out too late.
And don't you talk
to any strangers.
'And don't you get
into anybody's car.'
And stay away from The Big Gulp
you'll be up all night.
Bye.
Have fun!
I must be runnin', too.
Just exactly where
is it that you're goin'?
It's sort of a
get-together, or a meeting.
Which is it, a
get-together or a meetin'?
It's an organization of
single people like myself
bright, sophisticated,
divorced or widowed.
What's it called?
Quitters and losers.
Good lord, Ellen, a
lonely-heart's club.
You have hit rock bottom.
Oh, I think it sounds very
nice for divorcees and widows.
It's one thing to
have a failed marriage
but you don't have to
make a party out of it.
I knew you'd understand, Mama.
Oh, Ellen, uh..
Hang on a second,
I got somethin'.
I got somethin' for you here.
I had these keys made
to fit those new locks I
installed in your house.
Vinton, how thoughtful.
How sweet. How much?
You get half my 10% discount.
Yeah, Vinton's in the
middle of a contest
to see which locksmith
can make and sell the
most keys in a month.
And the winner
gets dinner for four.
I'm just dyin' to hear
more, but I've got to run.
What is the big rush?
You don't want to
spend a whole evenin'
with bored, lonely,
people with nothing to do.
Of course not,
that's why I'm leavin'.
At least we don't have
to watch her stupid slides.
Says who?
I didn't make a whole
tub of popcorn for nothin'.
Ain't you got the screen up yet?
Yeah, I got it, I got it.
Good lord, we could've
swum to Tahiti by now.
There.
Oh, uh..
Roll 'em.
You were sweet to
drive me over, Glen.
No, I wasn't.
Oh, yes, you were.
You were very sweet.
No, I wasn't. This is sweet.
I see your point.
Besides, I've been waiting
two weeks to meet your family.
Nobody's home today.
Mama's usually here
but today she had an
appointment with the dentist.
Oh, that's too bad.
Isn't it?
Now, where is this place
you're takin' me tonight
that I have to get
so dressed up?
Only to one of the
finest bistros in town
The Chez Ray.
- The Chez Ray?
- You don't like it?
Oh, yes, Glen, it's just that
it's so popular and crowded
and I'm so.. And you're so..
- Ellen.
- There's...
Ellen, will you stop with
this silly concern about age?
These days, nobody
cares about age.
Especially in a sophisticated
metropolis like Raytown.
I made the reservations,
and we're going.
I just hope Mama remembered
to leave her evenin'
bag out for me.
I bought it especially
for her last Christmas.
Oh, I'll bet she loved it.
No, she hated it.
I knew she would.
- Why did you give it to her?
- Because I loved it.
Shouldn't you have given
her something she likes?
No, then she wouldn't
let me borrow it.
- I see.
- No, you don't.
You're right.
'Vinton, will you hurry up?'
- Who was that?
- It's Mama.
She must've changed
her appointment.
Great, now I have a
chance to meet her.
No. No, not just yet.
She's going to have to
meet me sooner or later.
Later. Later.
Why don't we start
meetin' easy people
like waiters and maitre d's?
Then, if we work that
through, we can tackle families.
Okay, I'll wait in the car.
Ellen, am I glad to see you.
You got here just in time.
Aren't you supposed
to be at the dentist?
Yes, but I can't tear
Vinton away from the phone.
He's tryin' to find out if
he won that stupid contest.
- Vinton.
- They put me on hold.
Come on, Ellen, you can take me.
No, I can't, Mama. A
friend drove me over.
A friend?
Someone I met at
Quitters and Losers.
Is he a quitter or a loser?
He's a very nice person,
and we have a lot in common.
Get him in here so
we can have a look.
No, I.. Oh, he just
would never get over it
if I'd not give him
a chance to fix up
before he met my Mama.
What's the matter with
him? What's he got to fix?
Nothin'. Nothin'.
Ellen, you're actin'
real strange about this.
He isn't some old codger, is he?
Oh, no. No, not at all.
Well, then, what is it? Is
he some sort of a foreigner?
No, Mama, he isn't.
I hope he doesn't have one
of them peculiar religions.
He's Presbyterian.
Well, that's alright.
Get him in here!
Mama, I've got to run.
Thank you for the loan.
Ellen.. Well, what the..
Ellen, Ellen!
Presbyterian, huh?
Well, they run a good Bingo.
Ha ha! Mama!
Mama, I did it! I won!
I'm takin' us all
out to dinner tonight
to the fanciest restaurant
in town, The Chez Ray!
You're delectable.
Now, don't start.
You'll just make me want
to skip dinner altogether.
No, no, no. We
need our strength.
But we'll have double dessert.
One here and one..
At your apartment?
Or in my car.
Or on the way to the car.
Ooh, Ellen, you are so bad.
You are so good.
Sit tight. I'll be right back.
- Wha...
- Uh, uh, ah, ah.
A little surprise.
I love surprises.
This is so nice!
Well, what do you think?
Is this real swank or what?
Oh, yeah. You can tell when
they have real cloth napkins
that the place is real uptown.
I guess I'm doin' pretty good
tonight, wouldn't you say, Mama?
We haven't tasted
the food yet, Vinton.
Look over there.
Isn't that Ellen?
Where?
There, by herself.
There's nothin' more pathetic
than a woman sittin'
alone in a restaurant.
Oh, that poor thing!
Let's go on over
and cheer her up.
- Won't she be surprised.
- Are you sure that's Ellen?
- Maybe.
- Ellen?
Mama, what in the
world are you doin' here?
- Aren't you surprised?
- Vinton won his contest.
So, we're gonna
put on a feed bag.
May I help you please?
No, we got help comin'
out our ears. Thank you.
Mama, I am not alone.
Glen brought me here tonight.
Glen? Is that your
new boyfriend?
Oh, how romantic.
Glen and I are just friends.
There is nothing
romantic about...
Is that him?
Yes.
'Look at this, look at this.'
Well... that's terrific, Glen.
He dresses kind of funny,
but he plays a mean fiddle.
I'll say. Oh, we'll
have beers all around.
Vinton! This is Glen.
Oh, my gosh, I
thought he was a waiter.
I thought he was the busboy.
Well, who pushed your button?
How do we get rid of him?
I think he's
expectin' a gratuity.
For cryin' out loud.
There ya go.
Glen, I would like to
have you meet my family.
- This is my Mama, Mrs. Harper.
- Hello.
- And my brother, Vinton.
- Hey.
- And his wife, Mrs. Harper.
- Hi.
- And this is my aunt, Fran.
- How do you do?
Well, what a nice surprise.
I've heard so much about you.
That's funny. We haven't
heard a peep about you.
I can't imagine why.
So, you're Ellen's new
boyfriend..manfriend.
I'm not that new.
You look pretty new to me.
Why don't we see
what we want to eat?
'Yes, good idea.'
The Beef Wellington is
one of their specialties.
I've had it several times.
I didn't see that on here.
I bet you ordered it
off the kiddie menu.
Yes, Ellen, your mother
has a unique sense of humor.
Yes, the kind that isn't funny.
Well, I think you
did great, Ellen.
This guy's a real hunk!
Well, good lord!
Why don't we just
change the subject?
And while we're on the
subject of changing the subject.
- Where did you get that bag?
- Uh-oh.
What bag?
That white satin beaded
bag that is on your lap.
Alright, I lent it to her.
How many times have I
begged you to borrow that bag?
At least five times.
But you always said
- "It's not for lendin'.
- It's not for lendin'.
Ellen gave me that
bag for Christmas."
It's not for lendin' to you!
She only bought me that
so she could borrow it back.
I had to carry a
black patent leather
to a Spring wedding
just because you wouldn't
let hold of that dang bag.
All you care about's
that stupid purse
and here's my daughter
makin' a fool of herself
with some kid she
picked up at a malt shop!
That's enough, Mama!
Frannie, how do
you pronounce this?
- Trout...
- Meniere.
If I may say so, I
do think that Ellen
is old enough to
live her own life.
She's old enough
to live two of his.
But it's the latest thing
a younger guy and a
much, much older woman.
Naomi, will you do me a favor
and don't defend me?
Mrs. Harper..
Ellen and I are well
aware of our age difference.
Doesn't bother us.
Well, who cares
what you two think?
I'm worried about my neighbors.
We really don't care
what people think.
Butt out, you fuzzy-faced
fortune hunter.
Good idea.
I'm not only gonna butt
out, I'm gonna get out.
Come on, Ellen.
Ellen..
Ellen Harper
Jackson, you sit down.
Is there a, uh, problem here?
Oh, yeah, there sure is.
And this one's really
got us stumped.
See, this is Ellen.
She's my oldest sister.
She's older than I am
and she's runnin' with...
Vinton!
It's just a little
misunderstanding.
It is a big misunderstanding.
Perhaps if you'd all just order.
Yeah, good idea.
I believe I'll have
that trout manure.
Ellen, I think we should
go someplace else
and let your lovely family
enjoy their dinner in peace.
Ellen, I don't believe
you're doin' this to me.
Ellen, are you
going with me or not?
I don't know!
Okay, Ellen. I may
be younger than you
but I haven't taken
orders from my family
in over 15 years.
Soon as you get a
note from your mother..
Give me a call. Good night!
Well, I hope there aren't
any bones in that manure.
Thelma! Honestly,
it's past midnight.
Are you gonna
come to bed or what?
Nope, I can't sleep.
When I'm done here
I'm gonna polish the
dining room table and chairs.
Thelma, why don't you just learn
how to talk out your problems?
Every time you get
upset you start cleaning.
So?
That doesn't really
solve anything, does it?
No, but at least, I don't have
to feel bad in a dirty house.
Considering the
tasteless turn of events
it's no wonder you can't sleep.
I've learned to accept
public humiliation
from all my other kids,
but never Ellen, not Ellen.
No, not Ellen. Perfect Ellen.
Ellen of the
borrowed beaded bag!
Oh, will you get off it?
If you'll quit
yammerin' about it
you can have the dang thing!
I hope you two old bags
live happily ever after.
Well, Thelma, thank you.
That's very sweet of you.
Lord, what was
that girl thinkin'?
I've got wrinkles that
are older than that boy.
How dare you?
How dare me what?
And how dare you
come waltzin' in
here, slammin' my door
and wakin' up my family?
How dare you?
This was the most miserable,
humiliatin' evenin' of my life!
Of your life? What about me?
My own daughter, traipsin' off
with the young and the restless!
His name is Glen,
and for your information
he is a highly successful
and respected businessman
who could have his pick
of any number of women.
Then what the hell's
he doin' with you?
Anything he wants,
Mama! Anything he wants!
Oh, lord!
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself, Ellen.
A woman your age.
Why is it when Bruce ran
off with a girl half his age
everybody wasn't
a bit surprised?
They thought him a sly old dog.
Good old Bruce.
Who can blame him?
But when I'm seen with
a man younger than me
I'm supposed to be
ashamed? Well, I'm not, Mama.
Well, you ought to be.
It just ain't right, Ellen.
After Carl died, did you see me
runnin' off after younger men?
Did you see me runnin'
off after older men?
Shoot, I didn't even give
the milkman the time of day!
I am not you, Mama!
I am nothin' like you!
Oh, no, Ellen, I know.
You've never been
anything like me.
You've always
been prettier than me
smarter than me, you
married better than me
you got yourself
your big fancy house!
And not six months after
your husband walks out on you
you show up with
a guy that would put
Gary Cooper to shame!
Mama, you're jealous.
After your daddy died, I
knew the right thing to do.
I just put that part
of my life behind me.
That's what any decent
woman ought to do.
That's what I
thought you would do.
You are jealous.
I thought Carl
was all there was.
I never dreamed anybody
would want an old woman like me.
Maybe I just never had
the gumption to find out.
Oh, Mama, it's
not too late for you.
Oh, lord, Ellen, it's been
too late for me since 1965.
Mama.
Maybe there is
somethin' to be said
for gettin' 'em young.
Least you don't outlive 'em.
Sure ain't no fun
goin' on by yourself.
Oh, Mama, you have
Vint, and Naomi, and Fran..
I see what you mean.
Ellen, all I've ever wanted
was for my babies to be happy.
So, if Glen what's-his-face
is what it takes
well, then, who am I to say no.
Oh, thank you, Mama.
I know you're gonna love Glen
if you just give it
a little more time.
If I give it enough time, he
won't be too young for you.
Mama.
I don't want you to
let a foolish old lady
stop you from
doin' anything again.
Oh, thank you, honey.
I'm gonna go tell
Glen that I was wrong.
You're not goin' over there now?
I've got to.
It's the middle of the night.
I know.
He'll be in bed by now.
Yes!
Can't you use the phone?
Good lord, what'll
the neighbors think?
'Lord, how'd I ever raise
such a pack of sex maniacs?'
'They sure didn't get
it from their daddy.'