Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006): Season 5, Episode 1 - Vegas - full transcript
Goo-goo-goo-goo.
Goo-goo-goo-goo.
Look. Your Aunt Felicia
sent us two presents
for the baby.
A ballerina outfit
and a football?
Well, I guess she's
hedging her bets.
I mean, Jamie could be
a name for either sex.
Well, I guess I'll just
send this one to Goodwill.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
The birth announcement clearly
said that Jamie's a... Hey.
They changed the
little dinosaur.
That's right. All it
takes is one look
to see that Jamie is clearly a...
Reese! For crying out loud!
How can anyone not
know what you are?
Ooh-ooh.
Nice try, mister.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
Come on, Gordo. One
more bite and it's all gone.
What are you doing
with my rabbit?
Just giving him his
afternoon bacon.
He's too fat.
You have to stop feeding him.
I'm the one who has to sit
through the Junior
Farmers' meetings
while everyone makes fun of him.
Those people are
small-minded idiots
who have no idea what
we're trying to do.
What are we trying to do?
I don't know.
I kind of had this vision
of me riding him through town,
knocking over cars,
but that's probably
not realistic.
What happened to you?
Some idiot forgot
to top off the oil
in the tractor, and the
whole damn engine blew.
Well, whose job is that?
Mine. I'm telling you,
this whole ranch is a disaster.
The furnace is clogged.
The generator's out of diesel.
Even the gate to the cow
pen is falling apart.
All those things are
your responsibility.
I don't know what's going
on with you lately,
but you'd better
get it together.
Otto's a pretty easygoing
boss, but even he has limits.
Fire! Fire! Francis, is a fire!
What? Where?
Right here on your cake.
God, it's been a year already?
As of 9/31.
So far, your first three
hours of year two
are going much better than
I ever could have hoped.
Ooh!
Congratulations.
You won the jackpot.
Oh, my God, would
you look at this?
What does Reese do
to his underpants?
There's not enough money in
the world to make me look up.
What's this?
"Certificate of Achievement
for Excellence in Science"?
From the state?
It's nothing. They hand
these out like candy.
Don't be so modest.
It's wonderful,
and I think it proves my point
about you not getting
that earring.
How does that...? Malcolm.
Malcolm, I need to talk to you.
You read all those
science magazines.
What can you tell me
about the meaning of dreams?
Dreams?
Well, some people
think they express
your subconscious wishes...
No, no, no, no, no.
The other kind of dreams,
prophetic ones that
predict the future.
I had one.
About a giant slot machine.
That's insane, Dad.
Oh, it was so vivid.
There, there was this
mysterious stain on my shirt
an-and a balloon,
and then this music
and then I hit this
gigantic jackpot.
It was a sign, son. I know it.
It's my destiny.
Dad.
You have weird
dreams all the time.
Like the singing trash cans.
I never said that was prophetic.
I said it was cool.
Well?
What did they think of Gordo?
They called him a monster.
Then they called me a
crime against nature.
Maybe it was the
other way around.
All I remember is, I was crying.
You have to expect this kind of resistance
when you're trying to play God.
Just wait till we get to the nationals.
Then we'll get some respect.
We're not going
to the nationals!
They're all the
way in Las Vegas!
Las Vegas?!
What's in Las Vegas?
A chance for Reese
to make me look
like a jerk in front
of the entire country.
Well, don't you worry, son.
We won't miss that.
Of course we'll go to Vegas!
Did you hear that, Malcolm?
This is another sign!
All I have to do is cash in
our life insurance policy
to pay for the trip...
Dad, are you sure
you want to...?
Son, you don't need
life insurance
when you're a kajillionaire.
It doesn't make fiscal sense.
Maybe you want to run
your plan by Mom first.
I will. I will.
I just want to be
careful about it.
But if I explain it
in just the right way...
A $1,000 bonus from work.
Hal, I am so proud of you.
Hey, considering the $12
million I saved them
with my idea for
outsourcing flux capacitors,
it was the least they can do.
And part of that roast
is for you, Malcolm...
Mr. State Science Achievement.
Yeah, it, it was nothing.
Is that what that big ceremony
at school was for?
Reese!
What ceremony? There
was a ceremony?
Yeah, the mayor was there,
and we all got out of school.
Stop kicking me!
I'll get to the news
crew in a second.
Malcolm, how could you not
tell us about something
so important?
We're your parents!
You're overreacting.
It wasn't a big deal.
That's not for you to decide!
How can you be so selfish?
I wasn't being selfish.
I just didn't want you there
because you em...
..barrass...
Abort! Abort!
...me.
Oh.
Okay.
At least I know.
Give Gordo your fat.
Hey, Mom,
do you want the rest
of my milk shake?
It's really good.
No, thanks. I'm fine.
It's strawberry.
I know that's your favorite.
I'll take that.
Hal, look!
Boone Vincent
is playing in Las Vegas.
Who's Boone Vincent?
Your mom's boyfriend.
Stop it.
You would not believe
this jackass, boys.
Women go crazy for him.
He plays every instrument
in the orchestra.
He sings in four languages.
And you like him just
as much as I do!
Oh, please, I just said that
to get you into bed.
That... when, that
time you were so sick
and you needed your rest.
Hey, check it out!
Only eight more miles to Vegas!
Hey!
Hal, look at this place.
It's so classy.
What's the matter?
Never seen an 80-pound
rabbit before?
Uh-oh.
Got a little spit-up.
Here...
Oh... honey, do you
have a little, uh..
Oh.
Oh, my God! That's the one!
Yes! I knew it!
Oh, my God, Hal. You
won the jackpot!
I can't believe it!
So, Malcolm?
What do you and your
science have to say now?
We say you're having
another dream, Dad.
Don't believe him. This is real.
♪ We wouldn't lie to you. ♪
I can't hear you, Otto.
There's too much static.
And yelling won't help.
Yes, Otto, I know
about the well.
I was going to fence
it off last week.
I just didn't get around to it.
Otto, I can't hear you.
I will fence off the well
as soon as I find it.
Aah!
Can you hear me now?
My God, look at
these puny rabbits.
What do people do with them?
I don't know.
Maybe love them and hug them
and watch them hop
around the backyard,
which they can do because their
feet can touch the ground.
I bet Gordo could fit
that one in his mouth.
Hey, Mom, I... Did you
find your father?
No. I-I wasn't... Well,
it doesn't matter.
I went through his wallet when
we passed the state line.
Let's see how much
damage he can do
with $20 and a library card.
Okay, look, since you're
obviously too caught up
in playing the martyr here to
even listen to an apology,
you've forced me to
go out and get these.
They're for that stupid
Boone Vincent guy.
We're going together.
Hey, that came out
better than I thought.
VIP seats?!
Hi, my name is Dewey
and this is my...
Good Lord!
What have you done
to this poor animal?
In all my years of
judging rabbits,
this is the uncutest
thing I have ever seen.
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my...!
Help us!
We have fallen down a well
and we can't get out!
If there is anyone up there
who is just very
shy, do not worry!
We are not judgmental!
As a matter of fact, when
I was a little boy...
Otto, please!
No one can hear you.
This is not productive.
Can we just... Can we
think for a second?
Don't you ever blink?
Maybe I blink at the precise
moment that you blink!
That is ridiculous! How could
you possibly know that?
Why don't you spend less time
worrying about my blinking
and more time fencing up wells!
Germans hate dying in wells!
Fine! If you are so unhappy
with the work I do around here,
then I quit!
Imagine I stormed off!
I did.
Oh, my God. I
can't believe it.
We're going to see
Boone Vincent.
Look at these seats!
This is incredible!
Another Boone-a-tic, I see.
The Bad Boone Rising
tour, were you there?
I had floor seats when he
had his first heart attack.
These are my sons.
This is Malcolm and
this is Jamie.
Oh, my Joey is
here with me, too.
Maybe the boys can sit together.
Two apricot sours. Oh!
Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare yourselves for the
voice that is America.
It's Boone...!
♪ I'm coming up ♪
♪ So you'd better get
the party started... ♪
♪ He's coming up, he's coming ♪
♪ I'm coming up ♪
♪ So you'd better get
the party started ♪
♪ Get this party started
on a Saturday night ♪
♪ Everybody's waiting
for me to arrive ♪
♪ I got lots of style, check
my gold diamond rings ♪
♪ I can go for miles, if
you know what I mean... ♪
The worst part is, this
is my first concert.
♪ I'm coming up... ♪
Those aren't for you!
Pass 'em up!
♪ He's coming up, he's coming ♪
♪ I'm coming up... ♪
Have you ever had a dream
that didn't come true?
Surprisingly, no.
Dewey, where have you been?
Hi, Reese. This is Crystal.
It turns out we had Gordo
in the wrong category.
We had him in the pet
rabbit competition,
when he should have been in the
market rabbit competition.
I took him over there,
and he won first place!
What?
Some guy named Chez Richard
bought him for $1.90 a pound.
We made like 150 bucks!
Chez Richard?!
That's the restaurant!
How could you do that?!
They're going to kill
him and eat him!
Don't you understand?
He was my best friend
in the whole world!
Mine, too.
It's all right, sugar.
My best friend got
killed in a restaurant.
You'll get over it eventually.
♪ Papa don't preach ♪
♪ I'm in trouble deep ♪
♪ Papa don't preach ♪
♪ I've been losing sleep ♪
♪ But I've made up my mind ♪
♪ She's keeping my baby ♪
♪ We're keeping his baby ♪
Cry, scream, projectile vomit!
Do something to get
us out of here!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Mr. Vincent appreciates
your enthusiasm.
He wonders if you'd like to
come backstage and meet him.
Oh, my...
Oh, my God, you get to
see the "Booney Bin!"
♪ I'm in trouble deep... ♪
I bet you won't be
too embarrassed
to tell your friends about this.
♪ Please, Papa! Please, Papa! ♪
♪ No, Papa! No, Papa! ♪
Okay.
I'll cause a distraction.
You go in the kitchen
and get Gordo.
Oh, my God. This boy's choking!
You're not doing it hard enough.
Ugh!
Move, I'm bigger.
Ugh!
Ow!
Once again, we're very sorry
about all the trouble we caused.
I know there's no
way we can make up
for the broken tables,
or the paramedics, or the fire,
or the guy that was really
choking that nobody noticed.
He touched my shoulder!
I can't believe this
is actually happening!
I can smell his
cologne out here!
Oh, my God, I'm next.
Does my hair look okay?
Compared to his?
Hello, sweetheart. Thank
you for your support.
It means so much to me.
No, thank you for your music.
Especially, um,
"Cinnamon Rainbow."
That is my all-time favorite.
Really?
Mine, too,
but no one's ever
told me that before.
Come in.
I'm going in. I don't
care what I see.
Yes, I do. Who am I kidding?
You mean he actually said
he didn't want you at
his awards ceremony?
I can handle his being mad
at me, but this was...
Right to the old love pump.
That's how I got
to see your show.
My son bought tickets to
try to make it up to me.
That's not an olive branch.
That's the whole damn tree.
Ah, it's like I say
when I'm in the
astronaut suit...
"I believe the children
are our future."
I do, too.
You can't really take
what they say too seriously.
They're teenagers.
I'll let you in on a
little secret, Lois...
Even my 14-year-old
is embarrassed by me.
No. I know.
Hard to believe, isn't it?
But you can't hold
onto the past, Lois.
You've got to live
in the here and now.
Because the here and now
is a special, special gift.
That's why I call it...
the present.
Otto.
Oh, are you still here?
I thought you quit.
You were right.
This is my fault.
For some reason,
I've been sabotaging
everything lately.
Knowing that I've
been here for a year,
it's like people are
depending on me now.
And I know that at some point,
I'm going to let them down.
Don't be ridiculous.
No one...
expects you to be perfect.
If I wanted perfection
I would have hired a
robot or a Swede,
but I hired you, Francis,
because you're smart,
you're a hard worker,
and when you make a
mistake, you fix it.
If falling down a well
every once in a while
is the price I must pay
to have you, so be it.
Thanks, Otto.
There you are!
Thank God!
How did you find us?
We just followed the fire.
What fire?
One of the cows got through
the gate you didn't fix.
And it knocked over
one of the heat lamps
you never took in.
Which set fire to the
trail of gasoline
from the open can in the
back of your truck.
Which, by the way,
also is on fire.
Ah, you see, Francis?
You thought you were a screwup.
90,000 slot machines and
not one of them right.
I am never trusting a
prophetic dream again.
Thanks again, Malcolm.
Don't tell your father,
but meeting Boone Vincent
actually made my knees...
Aah! No-no-no-no-no-no...
Hal! What the...? I found you!
It's all here!
Would you like a free pull, sir?
Yes, I would.
Oh!
I knew it!
Hal, what is the matter?
It's fate, Lois!
I knew this would happen!
I couldn't tell you because
I knew you would be
too closed-minded.
I cashed in our life
insurance for this,
but it all paid off!
We are rich!
You did what?!
Congratulations, sir.
What's this?
It's a coupon for
a two-night stay
at the Carson City
Breezeway Motel.
All you have to do is listen
to a four-hour presentation
about a wonderful
time-share opportunity.
Do they have slot
machines in Carson City?
Come on, Gordo.
You have to eat the pellets.
You can't have any
fattening food anymore.
Please, Gordo, you've got
to try one...
Ow!
I cut my finger.
He's eating.
I think he likes your blood.
Okay, if I black out, pull
my finger out of his mouth.
So, ten hours of stony silence?
I may have some thoughts
I feel like sharing.
I'll let you know.
Well, this trip
wasn't a total loss.
At least I...
It was a total loss.
The good news is, the
survival mechanism
in my brain is kicking in.
I'm already starting
to block out
what happened this weekend.
♪ I feel
like making love ♪
♪ Feel like making love... ♪
♪ Feel like making love to you ♪
♪ Ooh. ♪
Goo-goo-goo-goo.
Look. Your Aunt Felicia
sent us two presents
for the baby.
A ballerina outfit
and a football?
Well, I guess she's
hedging her bets.
I mean, Jamie could be
a name for either sex.
Well, I guess I'll just
send this one to Goodwill.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
The birth announcement clearly
said that Jamie's a... Hey.
They changed the
little dinosaur.
That's right. All it
takes is one look
to see that Jamie is clearly a...
Reese! For crying out loud!
How can anyone not
know what you are?
Ooh-ooh.
Nice try, mister.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
Come on, Gordo. One
more bite and it's all gone.
What are you doing
with my rabbit?
Just giving him his
afternoon bacon.
He's too fat.
You have to stop feeding him.
I'm the one who has to sit
through the Junior
Farmers' meetings
while everyone makes fun of him.
Those people are
small-minded idiots
who have no idea what
we're trying to do.
What are we trying to do?
I don't know.
I kind of had this vision
of me riding him through town,
knocking over cars,
but that's probably
not realistic.
What happened to you?
Some idiot forgot
to top off the oil
in the tractor, and the
whole damn engine blew.
Well, whose job is that?
Mine. I'm telling you,
this whole ranch is a disaster.
The furnace is clogged.
The generator's out of diesel.
Even the gate to the cow
pen is falling apart.
All those things are
your responsibility.
I don't know what's going
on with you lately,
but you'd better
get it together.
Otto's a pretty easygoing
boss, but even he has limits.
Fire! Fire! Francis, is a fire!
What? Where?
Right here on your cake.
God, it's been a year already?
As of 9/31.
So far, your first three
hours of year two
are going much better than
I ever could have hoped.
Ooh!
Congratulations.
You won the jackpot.
Oh, my God, would
you look at this?
What does Reese do
to his underpants?
There's not enough money in
the world to make me look up.
What's this?
"Certificate of Achievement
for Excellence in Science"?
From the state?
It's nothing. They hand
these out like candy.
Don't be so modest.
It's wonderful,
and I think it proves my point
about you not getting
that earring.
How does that...? Malcolm.
Malcolm, I need to talk to you.
You read all those
science magazines.
What can you tell me
about the meaning of dreams?
Dreams?
Well, some people
think they express
your subconscious wishes...
No, no, no, no, no.
The other kind of dreams,
prophetic ones that
predict the future.
I had one.
About a giant slot machine.
That's insane, Dad.
Oh, it was so vivid.
There, there was this
mysterious stain on my shirt
an-and a balloon,
and then this music
and then I hit this
gigantic jackpot.
It was a sign, son. I know it.
It's my destiny.
Dad.
You have weird
dreams all the time.
Like the singing trash cans.
I never said that was prophetic.
I said it was cool.
Well?
What did they think of Gordo?
They called him a monster.
Then they called me a
crime against nature.
Maybe it was the
other way around.
All I remember is, I was crying.
You have to expect this kind of resistance
when you're trying to play God.
Just wait till we get to the nationals.
Then we'll get some respect.
We're not going
to the nationals!
They're all the
way in Las Vegas!
Las Vegas?!
What's in Las Vegas?
A chance for Reese
to make me look
like a jerk in front
of the entire country.
Well, don't you worry, son.
We won't miss that.
Of course we'll go to Vegas!
Did you hear that, Malcolm?
This is another sign!
All I have to do is cash in
our life insurance policy
to pay for the trip...
Dad, are you sure
you want to...?
Son, you don't need
life insurance
when you're a kajillionaire.
It doesn't make fiscal sense.
Maybe you want to run
your plan by Mom first.
I will. I will.
I just want to be
careful about it.
But if I explain it
in just the right way...
A $1,000 bonus from work.
Hal, I am so proud of you.
Hey, considering the $12
million I saved them
with my idea for
outsourcing flux capacitors,
it was the least they can do.
And part of that roast
is for you, Malcolm...
Mr. State Science Achievement.
Yeah, it, it was nothing.
Is that what that big ceremony
at school was for?
Reese!
What ceremony? There
was a ceremony?
Yeah, the mayor was there,
and we all got out of school.
Stop kicking me!
I'll get to the news
crew in a second.
Malcolm, how could you not
tell us about something
so important?
We're your parents!
You're overreacting.
It wasn't a big deal.
That's not for you to decide!
How can you be so selfish?
I wasn't being selfish.
I just didn't want you there
because you em...
..barrass...
Abort! Abort!
...me.
Oh.
Okay.
At least I know.
Give Gordo your fat.
Hey, Mom,
do you want the rest
of my milk shake?
It's really good.
No, thanks. I'm fine.
It's strawberry.
I know that's your favorite.
I'll take that.
Hal, look!
Boone Vincent
is playing in Las Vegas.
Who's Boone Vincent?
Your mom's boyfriend.
Stop it.
You would not believe
this jackass, boys.
Women go crazy for him.
He plays every instrument
in the orchestra.
He sings in four languages.
And you like him just
as much as I do!
Oh, please, I just said that
to get you into bed.
That... when, that
time you were so sick
and you needed your rest.
Hey, check it out!
Only eight more miles to Vegas!
Hey!
Hal, look at this place.
It's so classy.
What's the matter?
Never seen an 80-pound
rabbit before?
Uh-oh.
Got a little spit-up.
Here...
Oh... honey, do you
have a little, uh..
Oh.
Oh, my God! That's the one!
Yes! I knew it!
Oh, my God, Hal. You
won the jackpot!
I can't believe it!
So, Malcolm?
What do you and your
science have to say now?
We say you're having
another dream, Dad.
Don't believe him. This is real.
♪ We wouldn't lie to you. ♪
I can't hear you, Otto.
There's too much static.
And yelling won't help.
Yes, Otto, I know
about the well.
I was going to fence
it off last week.
I just didn't get around to it.
Otto, I can't hear you.
I will fence off the well
as soon as I find it.
Aah!
Can you hear me now?
My God, look at
these puny rabbits.
What do people do with them?
I don't know.
Maybe love them and hug them
and watch them hop
around the backyard,
which they can do because their
feet can touch the ground.
I bet Gordo could fit
that one in his mouth.
Hey, Mom, I... Did you
find your father?
No. I-I wasn't... Well,
it doesn't matter.
I went through his wallet when
we passed the state line.
Let's see how much
damage he can do
with $20 and a library card.
Okay, look, since you're
obviously too caught up
in playing the martyr here to
even listen to an apology,
you've forced me to
go out and get these.
They're for that stupid
Boone Vincent guy.
We're going together.
Hey, that came out
better than I thought.
VIP seats?!
Hi, my name is Dewey
and this is my...
Good Lord!
What have you done
to this poor animal?
In all my years of
judging rabbits,
this is the uncutest
thing I have ever seen.
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my...!
Help us!
We have fallen down a well
and we can't get out!
If there is anyone up there
who is just very
shy, do not worry!
We are not judgmental!
As a matter of fact, when
I was a little boy...
Otto, please!
No one can hear you.
This is not productive.
Can we just... Can we
think for a second?
Don't you ever blink?
Maybe I blink at the precise
moment that you blink!
That is ridiculous! How could
you possibly know that?
Why don't you spend less time
worrying about my blinking
and more time fencing up wells!
Germans hate dying in wells!
Fine! If you are so unhappy
with the work I do around here,
then I quit!
Imagine I stormed off!
I did.
Oh, my God. I
can't believe it.
We're going to see
Boone Vincent.
Look at these seats!
This is incredible!
Another Boone-a-tic, I see.
The Bad Boone Rising
tour, were you there?
I had floor seats when he
had his first heart attack.
These are my sons.
This is Malcolm and
this is Jamie.
Oh, my Joey is
here with me, too.
Maybe the boys can sit together.
Two apricot sours. Oh!
Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare yourselves for the
voice that is America.
It's Boone...!
♪ I'm coming up ♪
♪ So you'd better get
the party started... ♪
♪ He's coming up, he's coming ♪
♪ I'm coming up ♪
♪ So you'd better get
the party started ♪
♪ Get this party started
on a Saturday night ♪
♪ Everybody's waiting
for me to arrive ♪
♪ I got lots of style, check
my gold diamond rings ♪
♪ I can go for miles, if
you know what I mean... ♪
The worst part is, this
is my first concert.
♪ I'm coming up... ♪
Those aren't for you!
Pass 'em up!
♪ He's coming up, he's coming ♪
♪ I'm coming up... ♪
Have you ever had a dream
that didn't come true?
Surprisingly, no.
Dewey, where have you been?
Hi, Reese. This is Crystal.
It turns out we had Gordo
in the wrong category.
We had him in the pet
rabbit competition,
when he should have been in the
market rabbit competition.
I took him over there,
and he won first place!
What?
Some guy named Chez Richard
bought him for $1.90 a pound.
We made like 150 bucks!
Chez Richard?!
That's the restaurant!
How could you do that?!
They're going to kill
him and eat him!
Don't you understand?
He was my best friend
in the whole world!
Mine, too.
It's all right, sugar.
My best friend got
killed in a restaurant.
You'll get over it eventually.
♪ Papa don't preach ♪
♪ I'm in trouble deep ♪
♪ Papa don't preach ♪
♪ I've been losing sleep ♪
♪ But I've made up my mind ♪
♪ She's keeping my baby ♪
♪ We're keeping his baby ♪
Cry, scream, projectile vomit!
Do something to get
us out of here!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Mr. Vincent appreciates
your enthusiasm.
He wonders if you'd like to
come backstage and meet him.
Oh, my...
Oh, my God, you get to
see the "Booney Bin!"
♪ I'm in trouble deep... ♪
I bet you won't be
too embarrassed
to tell your friends about this.
♪ Please, Papa! Please, Papa! ♪
♪ No, Papa! No, Papa! ♪
Okay.
I'll cause a distraction.
You go in the kitchen
and get Gordo.
Oh, my God. This boy's choking!
You're not doing it hard enough.
Ugh!
Move, I'm bigger.
Ugh!
Ow!
Once again, we're very sorry
about all the trouble we caused.
I know there's no
way we can make up
for the broken tables,
or the paramedics, or the fire,
or the guy that was really
choking that nobody noticed.
He touched my shoulder!
I can't believe this
is actually happening!
I can smell his
cologne out here!
Oh, my God, I'm next.
Does my hair look okay?
Compared to his?
Hello, sweetheart. Thank
you for your support.
It means so much to me.
No, thank you for your music.
Especially, um,
"Cinnamon Rainbow."
That is my all-time favorite.
Really?
Mine, too,
but no one's ever
told me that before.
Come in.
I'm going in. I don't
care what I see.
Yes, I do. Who am I kidding?
You mean he actually said
he didn't want you at
his awards ceremony?
I can handle his being mad
at me, but this was...
Right to the old love pump.
That's how I got
to see your show.
My son bought tickets to
try to make it up to me.
That's not an olive branch.
That's the whole damn tree.
Ah, it's like I say
when I'm in the
astronaut suit...
"I believe the children
are our future."
I do, too.
You can't really take
what they say too seriously.
They're teenagers.
I'll let you in on a
little secret, Lois...
Even my 14-year-old
is embarrassed by me.
No. I know.
Hard to believe, isn't it?
But you can't hold
onto the past, Lois.
You've got to live
in the here and now.
Because the here and now
is a special, special gift.
That's why I call it...
the present.
Otto.
Oh, are you still here?
I thought you quit.
You were right.
This is my fault.
For some reason,
I've been sabotaging
everything lately.
Knowing that I've
been here for a year,
it's like people are
depending on me now.
And I know that at some point,
I'm going to let them down.
Don't be ridiculous.
No one...
expects you to be perfect.
If I wanted perfection
I would have hired a
robot or a Swede,
but I hired you, Francis,
because you're smart,
you're a hard worker,
and when you make a
mistake, you fix it.
If falling down a well
every once in a while
is the price I must pay
to have you, so be it.
Thanks, Otto.
There you are!
Thank God!
How did you find us?
We just followed the fire.
What fire?
One of the cows got through
the gate you didn't fix.
And it knocked over
one of the heat lamps
you never took in.
Which set fire to the
trail of gasoline
from the open can in the
back of your truck.
Which, by the way,
also is on fire.
Ah, you see, Francis?
You thought you were a screwup.
90,000 slot machines and
not one of them right.
I am never trusting a
prophetic dream again.
Thanks again, Malcolm.
Don't tell your father,
but meeting Boone Vincent
actually made my knees...
Aah! No-no-no-no-no-no...
Hal! What the...? I found you!
It's all here!
Would you like a free pull, sir?
Yes, I would.
Oh!
I knew it!
Hal, what is the matter?
It's fate, Lois!
I knew this would happen!
I couldn't tell you because
I knew you would be
too closed-minded.
I cashed in our life
insurance for this,
but it all paid off!
We are rich!
You did what?!
Congratulations, sir.
What's this?
It's a coupon for
a two-night stay
at the Carson City
Breezeway Motel.
All you have to do is listen
to a four-hour presentation
about a wonderful
time-share opportunity.
Do they have slot
machines in Carson City?
Come on, Gordo.
You have to eat the pellets.
You can't have any
fattening food anymore.
Please, Gordo, you've got
to try one...
Ow!
I cut my finger.
He's eating.
I think he likes your blood.
Okay, if I black out, pull
my finger out of his mouth.
So, ten hours of stony silence?
I may have some thoughts
I feel like sharing.
I'll let you know.
Well, this trip
wasn't a total loss.
At least I...
It was a total loss.
The good news is, the
survival mechanism
in my brain is kicking in.
I'm already starting
to block out
what happened this weekend.
♪ I feel
like making love ♪
♪ Feel like making love... ♪
♪ Feel like making love to you ♪
♪ Ooh. ♪