Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006): Season 2, Episode 8 - Therapy - full transcript

Did you get the eclairs?

I did, but they
only had three left,

and I had to cut in front
of an old woman to get those.

Well, I just
won't have one.

No, no, no, no.
I won't have one.

You and Dewey
can split one.

That's not fair
to Dewey.

Forget it.

We'll just let
the boys have them.

False alarm.

♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪



♪ I don't know ♪

♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ Life is unfair. ♪

As near as I can figure,

my school was created
for the sole purpose

of making me miserable.



Today in Krelboyne class,
we start Medieval Week.

Where's your
jester costume?

In my backpack.
I'll wear it at school.

Put it on.

I didn't stay up all night
making it for my health.

Bells-- oh, I
forgot the bells.

You look so adorable.

You know what I love
about Medieval Week?

Is that you can spot
the Krelboynes

from super far away, and
they jingle when you hit them.

Reese.

Leave your brother alone.

Although you are asking for it.

Okay, ready?

Ready?

Come here.

Why don't you just put
a bull's-eye on my chest

and get it over with?

Oh, you look fine.

And Reese will tell me
if you take these off.

When I was six, I dove in a pool
and my trunks came off.

God, I wish I was there
right now.

All right, children, it's time
to begin the harvest dance.

I'd demonstrate myself,
but being in my third trimester,

I don't want to risk

the placenta separating
from my uterine wall.

Oh, come on.

We studied this.

There's nothing dirty
about the miracle of life.

And we should all be able
to discuss this openly.

Who's the father?

Does he... work here?

All right, you know, I told you

we are not playing
this game again.

All right, everyone, gather
their dance props, please.

Dabney, don't forget
you have a dentist appointment.

Okay.

Your Holiness, would you start
the gay-- as in happy--

Harvest Procession?

Let's... kick it.

Dabney has three dentist
appointments every week.

His teeth look fine to me.

He's not going
to the dentist.

He's going to the "dentist."

It's a secret code
for the school therapist.

How come you know that?
You see the shrink, too?

Yes, I'm currently
seeing Ms. Gilbert.

My mother and stepfather
suggested it

as a preemptive strike

against my anger
displacement tendencies.

But ultimately,
therapy was my decision.

Not theirs... mine.

It was voluntary.

Okay.

Yes, I am!

My fear of rejection
is virtually gone,

and my self-worth is
at an all-time high.

I really think you're going to
like laundry duty, Francis.

Basically, you wash it,
you dry it, you fold it.

You want me to go
through that again?

No, twice was good.

Actually, I don't mind
doing laundry.

Mom always thought
she was punishing me,

but I always
found it relaxing.

Geez, this detergent is awful.

This is way too coarse
for our cotton blends.

Wasn't this stuff banned?

Yeah, this is what we use.

You see, there is an arrangement
with the distributor.

We take this crappy
soap off his hands,

and, uh, he makes it
worth our while.

The Alabama Opera?

There's plenty more
where that came from.

No thanks.

Opera's not your thing.

That's fine.

This guy's got connections.

Cords of firewood,
tractor show,

free burgers from Churchill's
when you buy a burger

of equal or greater value.

Don't you think
Marlin Academy is hard enough

without our own guys
selling us out?

I mean, look at these.

You ever heard
of fabric softener?

These sheets are like

sleeping on straw.

Hey, it was good enough
for the baby Jesus.

Get out.

Where are my cooling racks?

I know I put them in here.
What a mess!

Honey, please.

I'll go to the store,

and I'll buy you
new cooling racks.

No! I want to find these.

And when I do, we are
all going to clean out

this disaster of a closet.

It's going to be our
new family project.

We never finished our
last family project.

Because it's in here,
under two tons of crap.

Your dentist appointment, Lloyd?

My teeth feel fine today,
Caroline.

I like myself.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Great news!

We have been granted permission
to perform the harvest dance

at the all-school
assembly today.

And fruit will be handed out
to the student body

in case they want to join in.

Okay, everyone get
in their circles,

and...

Sorry! Damn!

Stupid!

I can't do it!

I'm stupid and I'm terrible!

I suck at everything!

And I'm fat!

Okay, you just get comfortable.

We'll talk when you're ready.

Thank you, Ms. Gilbert.

Okay, so I faked it.

But with the
family I have,

it would've only been a
matter of time anyway.

We should probably
talk a little now.
Do we have to?

Well, that's sort of
why you're here.

That sucked! Where'd that
flamethrower come from?

Malcolm,

I want you to feel relaxed here.

Now, school's really stressful
and can be pretty demanding.

This could be...

this could be a safe place
for you to unwind.

Not the face! Not the face!

Could I... unwind...
four or five times a week?

Maybe. What would
we talk about?

I don't know
where to begin.

I really don't.

Well, that was quite an episode
you had in class.

Did you want to talk
about that?

No.

You'll just think it's stupid.

Nothing you ever say in here
will be stupid.

But all I ever do
is make mistakes.

I feel like I don't even deserve
to beat my own high score.

Oh, yes, you do, Malcolm.

Thank you so much.

The tricky part is,
I need to keep this up

without being put
on medication.

Underpants!
In a closet!

Human underpants!

I must not
threaten you people enough!

Oh, my Lord.

Skittles!

You've been missing
for years.

You missed a
great assembly.

I can't believe it.

They actually gave us fruit
to throw at the Krelboynes.

What were they thinking?

Don't you ever get tired
of making their lives miserable?

Nope. Besides, I want them
to remember who's boss.

When they're living
in their mansions

with their
supermodel wives,

they're going to know--

the guy cleaning their pool
kicked their ass.

Hey.

I had six tomatoes
with your name on them.

Where were you?

None of your business.

Maybe it's Mom's business.

I ditched to go
to the arcade.

Don't tell Mom.

The arcade's closed.

Not the one at the mall.

Wait a minute...

I can smell
my own breath.

You throw the ball
around the post;

it swings back and knocks
down the pins, okay?

I was good.

I was real good.

All right, now,
don't be upset

if the first time you
throw it, nothing hap...

Wow!

That was...
that was a flopper!

Ooh, man! Oh, man!

That was, that was
a lucky shot, okay?

Now, the real key

to Skittles is the
release point, all right?

When you release
the ball,

make sure that it goes
through on a parallel...

I can't believe it!

This collar's so crisp,
yet it doesn't chafe.

And these sheets...

it's like sleeping
on a cloud.

My pleasure, guys.

Dude...

thank you.

I've been hoping
for months

that my rash was
from the laundry.

Turns out it was.

Thanks.

Glad I could help.

Here, this is for you.

No, Joe, you don't have to.

I insist.

Wow.

Well, that was nice of you.

Hey, would you mind tossing in
some of my civilian stuff

with the academy rags?

Oh, I'd love to, but I'm
really swamped down here.

Well, yeah, whatever.

Guess I could find some time
for your stuff.

Hey... thanks, man.

No, no, no, you don't have to...

You're the best.

Go.

Ha-cha!

Garbage! In a closet!

Coffee grounds? Hal!

Lois, you've
got to see this.

The boy's a prodigy. Go.

Yes.

Who are the Petersons?

Why do we have
their photo albums?

Here we go.

Now.

Amazing!

Hi, Malcolm.
How was school?

It was normal.

Yeah, I'd say normal.

Very medieval.

Is that a truck tire?

What?!

Oh, my G... Hal!

♪ ♪

Um, Malcolm...

I wanted you to know
how proud I am of you.

Admitting you needed help
is the hardest step.

No, keeping up with all

the new cognitive
and behavioral therapies

is the hardest step, Lloyd.

My self-worth is
still skyrocketing.

Okay, everybody...

tomorrow's looming
demonstration

has been canceled.

Instead, we will be going
to see a reenactment

of the slaughter
of French troops

at Azincourt

followed by a visit to
the Museum of Torture...

and then pizza.

Museum of Torture?

That's awesome.

Do they have a gift shop?

I'm sorry, Malcolm.
You can't go.

You've a dentist
appointment.

You're lucky
you're not going.

My brother
went last year,

and there was so
much fake blood

that he fainted.

I think it's time I had
a major breakthrough in therapy.

Then a butterfly landed
on my wrist and I woke up.

What color was that butterfly?

It was either blue or purple.

Definitely not red or orange.

That I can remember.

Your dream, Malcolm, is so...

so tranquil and soothing.

This is, this is encouraging.

Yeah?
Mm-hmm.

Yep, you're starting to relax.

I think I might be, too.

I need to seem cured,

but to leave the door open
for a relapse

when we start ballet
next semester.

I know I'll have
my ups and downs,

but right now
it feels good to be happy.

Well, I'm glad to hear it,

and I think we've made
a lot of progress.

Thanks, Ms. Gilbert.

I like myself now.

And I know I couldn't have
said that on Tuesday.

What are you doing here?

I figured out your scam.

It turns out

crazy runs in the family.
Reese...

you don't know
what you're doing.

You're going to ruin everything.

Relax. I've got it covered.

I'm ready to see you
now, Reese.

Reese isn't here right now.

This is Davey.

That's ten in a row.

Oh, Lois, he's got the gift.

Since the end
of the big war,

there's only been one documented
triple consecutive flopper

in English
Alley Skittles.

You know what
this means?

I finally have
something to rub in the face

of that blowhard Higgins
and his little tennis champion.

What are you
talking about?

Oh, he's constantly
harping about his kid

winning this tournament,

winning that tournament.

Going to the White House.

I'm taking Dewey
over there

to shut that guy up
once and for all.

Hey, you ready to
shut that guy up

once and for all, son?

What guy?
He's ready.

Hal, you're
just doing this

to get out of
cleaning out that closet.

Not entirely.

Let's go, son.

What happened?

Did you get caught?

Where were you?

Geez.
You're always so angry.

Maybe you really do
need therapy.

What I need is for you
not to ruin everything for me.

Do you know how much trouble
we'll be in if we get caught?

With Mom? With the school?

With Mom?

Give me a little credit, psycho.

I've been doing my own research.

See, I rented
Silence of the Lambs,

Seven, and The Nutty Professor.

Oh, God.

Reese, tell me
exactly what you told her.

Nope. That's confidential.

Now, which one
do you like more?

Hannibal Lecter
or the hockey mask?

Malcolm, Reese.

What do you have
to say for yourselves?

Don't blame Reese.
Blame Davey.

Ow! Ow, ow.

Ow!

I'm sorry it's last minute,
but I need these tonight.

I got another date with Rebecca.

Okay...

Seven items... 30 bucks.

I don't have that kind of money.

Last time it cost ten.

You can cut me some slack,
can't you?

I'd love to do you
a solid, Eric, but I'm booked,

and it would be unethical
to play favorites.

You can't do this to me.

I need to wear my bowling shirt.

Rebecca loves
my bowling shirt.

Francis, I don't have the money.

Well, then,
you don't have the clothes.

Got to pay to be a player.

Look at yourself.

I remember the Francis
who cared about his job.

A cap and a half
of fabric softener, Francis.

Remember that?

A cap and a half!

If you'll excuse me, I
have some ironing to do.

I can't believe him.

Yeah. I had
to give him three CDs

just to get
my dress blues pressed.

I think it's time somebody
taught that guy a lesson.

Yeah.

We'll make him wear
a lame T-shirt.

Or we could put it
in a load of whites.

Just follow me.

So, my children
are emotionally disturbed?

Oh, we don't like
to use those labels.

I spent a whole week
with Malcolm.

Really? A whole week.

Yes, and, uh...

to be honest, I think,
I think there are

some, uh, definite issues

that you and he
need to talk about.

Malcolm, you want to share

this drawing
with your mother?

No, that's okay.

I like what you've
done with my teeth.

There are
some things

that Malcolm told me

that I think
you should hear.

Oh, well, I'd love
to hear them.

Go ahead, Malcolm.

Yeah, go ahead.

Everybody
wants to help.

You're safe here.

About the
anger thing?

Yeah.

Tell me about the anger thing.

When you're angry,

you bottle up your feelings

and you freeze me out
with silence.

Well, I will, uh...
I'll try to be more vocal.

Go on.

Please.

I wish you would spend
more time at home

and less time at the...

the racetrack.

Well, I guess I'm going
to have to change that, too.

Come on, Malcolm.

Tell her about
the pressure.

Well...

I feel you put a lot
of pressure on me,

and I can't live up
to your expectations.

What pressure?

Maybe not. I don't know.

No, no, no. Go back.
What were you saying?

Well, you put a lot
of pressure on me, and stuff.

What do you mean?
When do I pressure you?

All the time!

If it's not
the extra-credit reports,

it's all the advanced classes
you sign me up for,

and after that, I have

to help Reese and Dewey
with their homework.

That's not pressure.

You know,
I didn't ask to be born smart.

We just want you to live up
to your potential.

That. That's exactly
what I'm talking about.

I tried to stop him.

I said, "Hey, don't put
that red T-shirt in there.

That's not colorfast."

But he just laughed.

He said pink was a better color

'cause that's what
"little, weak girls wear."

We've looked everywhere else.

He's in here somewhere.

Shh, shh!

Francis?

No.

It's okay, Dewey.

Even the best of them
have off-days.

Uh-huh.

16 misses in a row.

Some people might think
you did it on purpose.

Huh.

Hey...

There something
you want to tell me, son?

I don't want to do this anymore.

It's boring.

You'd be giving up

what might very well be
your one true talent.

You could be
another Chap Sanders, hmm?

Son, are you willing to turn
your back on your destiny?

Yeah. Can I go now?

All right,
if that's what you want.

Wait.

Can you throw it
for me one more time? Hmm?

One last flopper
for your old dad?

No.

All right, then.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, don't be.

I'm the one
who should apologize.

No, you guys just want
what's best for me. I know that.

Oh, we do. We love you.

I love you, too.

Mom?

You really pissed me off

when you took away
my hockey stick

'cause I was hitting
Dewey with it.

I know you're sorry.

I'll go in the attic
and take it down later.

Another Peterson box.

Ooh. This is
from the '60s.

Huh. I forgot LBJ had
his gall bladder out.

I don't understand.

Didn't we clean out this
closet when we moved in?

Apparently not.

Oh, for crying out loud.

They left an
old toilet.

This is a bathroom.

We have a second bathroom!

Shh.

If we don't tell them,
they won't know.

It'll just be
our little secret.

Our beautiful little secret.

Here.

Yeah.