Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006): Season 2, Episode 6 - Convention - full transcript
Hal and Lois heads off to a convention while the boys stays home for the babysitter. Malcolm, Reese and Dewey assumed it's just another old woman, their parents hired to watch them. They decide to do a series of pranks on their babysitter, which includes the covered up sewer tank with a blanket and a book for the old woman sit on. To their surprise, their babysitter is a hot, teen-aged girl named Patty. She is sweet to them, but also bitter because she was rejected by Francis, a long time ago, because she was obese. Now the boys compete against each other to see who will prove their eldest brother wrong in his rejection and sleep with her without sex. Meanwhile at the convention, Lois tries in vain to stop the fight between Hal and Jack, who stole his idea.
Hey, is his stick
bigger than my stick?
I don't know.
They're just sticks.
Yeah,
but why does he get
the better stick?
I always get
the crappy sticks.
Why is everything
of mine so lame?
I never have anything nice.
My life sucks!
Give me that.
Sometimes things just
have a way of working out.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
I don't see why
we need a babysitter.
Yeah. Dad's convention
is only for two days.
How can you
not trust us?
Well, it's
still not fair.
I trust you to be on your own.
Babysitter's not going
to be here for two hours.
Don't do anything.
Honey, let's roll.
The meet-and-greet's at 6:30,
and I don't want to be late.
Bye-bye.
See what happens?
We told her
we didn't want a babysitter,
and she didn't listen.
Now someone innocent
has to suffer.
What's that?
It's the cesspool.
We have a pool?
It's the sewage from the house.
It flows into this pit
and is decomposed
by anaerobic bacteria.
Hurry up. It stinks.
Nice.
Come on, she's going
to be here any second.
Sorry. I had to put
the "lemonade"
in the refrigerator.
Maybe we
scared her off.
♪ ♪
Hi, guys. I'm Patty.
I'm your babysitter.
Uh... will you
excuse us for a second?
Gee, I sure hope Barbara and Tom
can make it this year.
They are such a fun couple.
Well, I'm sure Jack Keneally
will be there.
Oh, honey, why don't you just
say something to him
instead of stewing about it?
I mean, talking to me
is not going to solve anything,
and it's obviously
just eating away at you.
I'm over that.
No, you are not.
It's all you ever talk about
whenever we go to this thing--
how Keneally
stole your idea
to improve efficiency
by four percent on the R8-698.
Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
Honey, you're obsessed.
I am not obsessed.
I just hate that smug look
that he always gives me.
And those beady little eyes.
I ever tell you
the story about
how he finagled
his parking spot?
Yeah, about a thousand times,
but it doesn't matter
because I'm sure you're
going to tell me again.
Okay, first, he was assigned
a space in "C" lot, all right?
But that wasn't
good enough for him.
Not for Keneally! No...
So, what do you guys want
for a snack?
Excuse me?
Well, I can make you popcorn
or bake us some
chocolate chip cookies.
But Mom says
the oven doesn't work.
You guys are just so cute!
Hello.
Malcolm, how's it going?
Listen, I need you
to do me a favor.
There's 200 or 300 fake I.D.s
hidden behind
the washing machine.
Now, with Mom gone,
it's safe to transfer them
to the garage.
Francis, I really
can't do that right now.
What?
What are you talking about?
Francis?
Is that Francis?
Tell him it's Patty Henderson
from eighth grade algebra.
Patty Henderson
says hi.
Oh, my God!
Patty Henderson
is your babysitter?
Here, let me talk to him.
Don't let her...
Hi.
Hi, Patty.
Can't believe
I'm talking to you.
You probably
don't even remember me.
Hi, Francis.
Hi, Patty.
Yeah, of course I remember you.
How's it...? What's that, Joe?
You got to use the phone?
I'm sorry, Patty.
I got to go. Bye.
Francis is so great.
He was the only boy
who was ever nice to me.
Come on, guys,
she's not that fat.
What a sweetheart.
And so cute.
Yeah. I'm a lot
like him.
Tell you what.
Before dinner, why don't we all
straighten up the house
together?
Good idea!
Sure!
Great!
Look. I think they're
giving away free beach towels
- at the QVHLPPS booth.
- Yoo-hoo!
Hey, there's
Barbara and Tom.
And there's Keneally.
Oh, for God's sake, Hal.
You've got
to get over this.
Just go over there
and talk to him.
Just clear the air.
Okay, okay. Going.
What do you do when you've got
an incredible woman
in your bedroom?
En... chan... te.
It's the best
I could come up with
given the parameters.
Well, it's great
meeting you guys.
Would you like anything?
They're fine.
Okay. Well, have fun.
She's a trophy
babysitter.
Tuck me... in.
I wonder if she knows
how to keep kosher.
What is wrong with you?
How can you do this?
What are you
talking about?
You invited them over
here to gawk at Patty
like she's some piece of meat?
Mom and Dad paid
good money for her.
She's ours!
We're leaving.
He's not going to do anything
with her in the house.
Wow! She's like kryptonite.
So... this is Reesie's blankie?
It's darling.
I guess suddenly there's
no such thing as tomorrow.
All I have are singles. Just...
I always felt so sorry
for Patty.
And she had this
wild crush on me.
She used to follow me around,
waddling,
her big arms jiggling.
I mean, she was nice--
I didn't want
to hurt her feelings--
but what are you supposed
to do
when somebody really gross
thinks you're cute?
You really got a couple
of good shots in.
Look, I'm just embarrassed
about the whole thing.
Hey, he stole
your idea.
How often do you
come up with an idea
to increase efficiency
by four percent?
At least you made him
scream like a girl.
No, that was me.
I don't know
what got into Hal.
I've never seen him
act that way before.
At least, not without
any provocation.
Or with witnesses.
Men are animals.
Or so I am told.
Are you drunk already?
I'm not wasting
any time.
I got to get back to
the kids in 24 hours.
Lord, what an
idiot I am.
I mean, these are
people I work with.
They're going to
think I'm a lunatic.
I should
apologize to Keneally.
Did you know that
you can audition
male strippers
and you don't even
have to hire them?
They're not that bright.
Oh, I was just going to get
T-shirts for the boys, but...
That is enough!
Let go of his hair!
Hal, stop biting!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh, for God's sake,
Tom, do something.
I'll refill your drink.
Okay.
What?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Here you go.
Hungry?
I don't know what I am.
Dewey!
Come on, guys, eat.
These potatoes
are heavenly.
Thank you.
So, yesterday,
in my gifted class--
I'm not bragging
that I'm gifted,
that's just what
they call the class--
we studied bovine
spongiform encephalitis.
It's mad cow disease.
It started because they
were grinding up dead cows
to feed them
to the other cows.
Basically, the prions
turn their brains into soup
right in their skulls.
It's very similar
to a disease
that afflicted a tribe
of cannibals
because they feasted
on their
victims' brains.
Hey, Patty,
I have a trick for you.
What's your address?
Um, 531 North Canton.
What's your
favorite color?
I don't know. Blue, I guess.
Mine, too.
Hello, Patty Henderson
of 531 North Canton
whose favorite color
is blue just like...
I can dance.
Want me to show you?
Okay.
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee,
boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee,
bee... ♪
This is just embarrassing.
♪ Boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee... ♪
Oh, my God, you little angel.
That is the cutest thing.
♪ Boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee ♪
♪ Boo bee... ♪
Why are we doing
the dishes anyways?
I don't know.
Just shut up.
All right!
Oh!
I'll get it.
Keeps going
under the bed.
Oh, there it is.
Here, let me just
wiggle it a little more.
Oh, my God, I just
pushed it in
even farther.
Oh, got it.
Oh, wait, what's this?
Okay. Now you're all
squeaky clean.
Now go put on your pajamas.
Hi, guys.
All right,
drop the cute stuff.
What cute stuff?
You! Standing there
with your big eyes
and your dopey voice.
I have to resist
hugging you myself.
I'm not doing anything.
Yeah? Then what's that?
Nothing.
You were going
to make her a card?
No.
You like glitter, Dewey?
Dewey?
This is the way he is.
He's a walking
disaster area.
Guess who needs another bath?
Come on, you.
Now, not so much ice
this time.
I'm not cold.
Hey, why don't you pay for
dinner, since we got parking.
You're taking advantage of me
because I'm drunk?
Yeah.
I wish he would.
Okay.
I hope you're proud
of yourself.
I can't help it.
I don't know what it is.
It's like the guy gives off
some kind of scent.
The hair on the back
of my neck stands up,
and I want to tear him apart.
I would never have the courage
to do what Hal did.
Oh, sure, occasionally
I'll yell at someone.
It's always with
the car window rolled up.
Can I just say
thank you?
Tom, don't encourage him.
I'm just saying, I'd do
what Hal did if I could.
But you can't
because you're a coward.
That's my point.
And I've got Mr. Sorenson
for math.
Do you think that guy
ever changes his pants?
'Cause I don't think so.
Really?
Listen to me rambling
on and on.
I have completely
lost track of time.
Uh, this call? About 97 minutes.
It's been so great
talking to you.
Yeah, yeah, you, too.
You were always so nice to me.
Ah, well, you deserve it,
you know.
You're a nice person.
I'm wearing one of your shirts.
I was going to sleep
in it tonight.
I hope you don't mind.
No, no.
Anyway, um...
I-I don't know
quite how to say this,
so I'm just going to say it.
I think you're really special.
And, um, well...
I heard you were going to be
home in a couple of weeks,
and, well, my parents are
going to be out of town,
and I thought maybe
you could come over
and we could... you know.
Listen, Patty,
I have to say this,
and I am sorry,
but I don't want to lead you on.
I am so not physically
attracted to you.
Like, at all.
I think of you as a friend.
Uh-huh.
Oh, Patty, see,
now I hurt your feelings.
I know this may be really hard
for you to believe,
but there is someone out there
who will find you
physically attractive.
And you'll find him,
and when you do...
Look, I get it, Francis.
Okay, someone's out there
for me, and it's not you!
That's the spirit.
You had to do it, man.
It's tough when you're
their one shot at happiness.
This is going to send her
straight to the fridge.
Hey, Patty, want to play
video hockey?
Um, not right now.
Hey, where are you going?
To find out what's wrong
and make her feel better.
No. I'll go find out what's
wrong and make her feel better.
You'll just make her
more upset.
I happen
to be sensitive.
You're stupid
and a creep.
I'll kick your ass!
Say I can make her feel better!
No!
♪ Boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo... ♪
You are so sweet.
♪ Boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo... ♪
He's cute.
I hate him for being cute.
I don't feel so good.
Maybe it was the oysters.
Uh-huh. Hal, do you have the...
Where's Hal?
I used to have
a Rottweiler like this.
Excuse me.
I can't believe she's sleeping
in the bed right down the hall.
I can't sleep.
He's not that cute.
What's the matter?
I'm scared.
I had a nightmare.
Oh, you poor baby.
Want to sleep with me?
Okay, come on.
All righty.
I don't believe it.
I'm supposed to be the genius,
and I'm being outsmarted
by a kid who can't even
tie his own shoes.
We can't let him get
away with this.
We're taking him down.
Would you stop this, please?!
You are humiliating me
in front of my friends!
I'm okay.
You are both middle-aged men.
You are too old and too weak
to accomplish anything here!
It's too late!
Something snapped!
I'm way past the point
of no return.
We're talking primal
animal urges!
I'm going to let nature
take its course and kill him!
In 30 seconds,
I am going to instruct
these men to let you go.
Thank you, Lois. Thank you.
And then you will have a choice.
You can indulge your
primal urges with him, or...
...you can come back
to the motel
and indulge your primal urges
with me.
Don't trivialize my anger, Lois!
I mean, there are some things
that you just don't try
to talk people out of.
I have a legitimate
situation here.
I know, baby.
It's working.
Okay, I'll hold him,
you put the tape
over his mouth.
Then we'll take him
to the garage.
Where did he go?
There he is.
Come to papa.
He locked us out!
Dewey, come to bed.
Okay.
Great.
What are we supposed
to do now?
Oh, my God,
what is this stuff?!
Well, at least the night
wasn't a total loss.
Oh, geez.
Oh, what is that?
bigger than my stick?
I don't know.
They're just sticks.
Yeah,
but why does he get
the better stick?
I always get
the crappy sticks.
Why is everything
of mine so lame?
I never have anything nice.
My life sucks!
Give me that.
Sometimes things just
have a way of working out.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
I don't see why
we need a babysitter.
Yeah. Dad's convention
is only for two days.
How can you
not trust us?
Well, it's
still not fair.
I trust you to be on your own.
Babysitter's not going
to be here for two hours.
Don't do anything.
Honey, let's roll.
The meet-and-greet's at 6:30,
and I don't want to be late.
Bye-bye.
See what happens?
We told her
we didn't want a babysitter,
and she didn't listen.
Now someone innocent
has to suffer.
What's that?
It's the cesspool.
We have a pool?
It's the sewage from the house.
It flows into this pit
and is decomposed
by anaerobic bacteria.
Hurry up. It stinks.
Nice.
Come on, she's going
to be here any second.
Sorry. I had to put
the "lemonade"
in the refrigerator.
Maybe we
scared her off.
♪ ♪
Hi, guys. I'm Patty.
I'm your babysitter.
Uh... will you
excuse us for a second?
Gee, I sure hope Barbara and Tom
can make it this year.
They are such a fun couple.
Well, I'm sure Jack Keneally
will be there.
Oh, honey, why don't you just
say something to him
instead of stewing about it?
I mean, talking to me
is not going to solve anything,
and it's obviously
just eating away at you.
I'm over that.
No, you are not.
It's all you ever talk about
whenever we go to this thing--
how Keneally
stole your idea
to improve efficiency
by four percent on the R8-698.
Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
Honey, you're obsessed.
I am not obsessed.
I just hate that smug look
that he always gives me.
And those beady little eyes.
I ever tell you
the story about
how he finagled
his parking spot?
Yeah, about a thousand times,
but it doesn't matter
because I'm sure you're
going to tell me again.
Okay, first, he was assigned
a space in "C" lot, all right?
But that wasn't
good enough for him.
Not for Keneally! No...
So, what do you guys want
for a snack?
Excuse me?
Well, I can make you popcorn
or bake us some
chocolate chip cookies.
But Mom says
the oven doesn't work.
You guys are just so cute!
Hello.
Malcolm, how's it going?
Listen, I need you
to do me a favor.
There's 200 or 300 fake I.D.s
hidden behind
the washing machine.
Now, with Mom gone,
it's safe to transfer them
to the garage.
Francis, I really
can't do that right now.
What?
What are you talking about?
Francis?
Is that Francis?
Tell him it's Patty Henderson
from eighth grade algebra.
Patty Henderson
says hi.
Oh, my God!
Patty Henderson
is your babysitter?
Here, let me talk to him.
Don't let her...
Hi.
Hi, Patty.
Can't believe
I'm talking to you.
You probably
don't even remember me.
Hi, Francis.
Hi, Patty.
Yeah, of course I remember you.
How's it...? What's that, Joe?
You got to use the phone?
I'm sorry, Patty.
I got to go. Bye.
Francis is so great.
He was the only boy
who was ever nice to me.
Come on, guys,
she's not that fat.
What a sweetheart.
And so cute.
Yeah. I'm a lot
like him.
Tell you what.
Before dinner, why don't we all
straighten up the house
together?
Good idea!
Sure!
Great!
Look. I think they're
giving away free beach towels
- at the QVHLPPS booth.
- Yoo-hoo!
Hey, there's
Barbara and Tom.
And there's Keneally.
Oh, for God's sake, Hal.
You've got
to get over this.
Just go over there
and talk to him.
Just clear the air.
Okay, okay. Going.
What do you do when you've got
an incredible woman
in your bedroom?
En... chan... te.
It's the best
I could come up with
given the parameters.
Well, it's great
meeting you guys.
Would you like anything?
They're fine.
Okay. Well, have fun.
She's a trophy
babysitter.
Tuck me... in.
I wonder if she knows
how to keep kosher.
What is wrong with you?
How can you do this?
What are you
talking about?
You invited them over
here to gawk at Patty
like she's some piece of meat?
Mom and Dad paid
good money for her.
She's ours!
We're leaving.
He's not going to do anything
with her in the house.
Wow! She's like kryptonite.
So... this is Reesie's blankie?
It's darling.
I guess suddenly there's
no such thing as tomorrow.
All I have are singles. Just...
I always felt so sorry
for Patty.
And she had this
wild crush on me.
She used to follow me around,
waddling,
her big arms jiggling.
I mean, she was nice--
I didn't want
to hurt her feelings--
but what are you supposed
to do
when somebody really gross
thinks you're cute?
You really got a couple
of good shots in.
Look, I'm just embarrassed
about the whole thing.
Hey, he stole
your idea.
How often do you
come up with an idea
to increase efficiency
by four percent?
At least you made him
scream like a girl.
No, that was me.
I don't know
what got into Hal.
I've never seen him
act that way before.
At least, not without
any provocation.
Or with witnesses.
Men are animals.
Or so I am told.
Are you drunk already?
I'm not wasting
any time.
I got to get back to
the kids in 24 hours.
Lord, what an
idiot I am.
I mean, these are
people I work with.
They're going to
think I'm a lunatic.
I should
apologize to Keneally.
Did you know that
you can audition
male strippers
and you don't even
have to hire them?
They're not that bright.
Oh, I was just going to get
T-shirts for the boys, but...
That is enough!
Let go of his hair!
Hal, stop biting!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh, for God's sake,
Tom, do something.
I'll refill your drink.
Okay.
What?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Here you go.
Hungry?
I don't know what I am.
Dewey!
Come on, guys, eat.
These potatoes
are heavenly.
Thank you.
So, yesterday,
in my gifted class--
I'm not bragging
that I'm gifted,
that's just what
they call the class--
we studied bovine
spongiform encephalitis.
It's mad cow disease.
It started because they
were grinding up dead cows
to feed them
to the other cows.
Basically, the prions
turn their brains into soup
right in their skulls.
It's very similar
to a disease
that afflicted a tribe
of cannibals
because they feasted
on their
victims' brains.
Hey, Patty,
I have a trick for you.
What's your address?
Um, 531 North Canton.
What's your
favorite color?
I don't know. Blue, I guess.
Mine, too.
Hello, Patty Henderson
of 531 North Canton
whose favorite color
is blue just like...
I can dance.
Want me to show you?
Okay.
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee,
boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee,
bee... ♪
This is just embarrassing.
♪ Boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee... ♪
Oh, my God, you little angel.
That is the cutest thing.
♪ Boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee ♪
♪ Boo bee... ♪
Why are we doing
the dishes anyways?
I don't know.
Just shut up.
All right!
Oh!
I'll get it.
Keeps going
under the bed.
Oh, there it is.
Here, let me just
wiggle it a little more.
Oh, my God, I just
pushed it in
even farther.
Oh, got it.
Oh, wait, what's this?
Okay. Now you're all
squeaky clean.
Now go put on your pajamas.
Hi, guys.
All right,
drop the cute stuff.
What cute stuff?
You! Standing there
with your big eyes
and your dopey voice.
I have to resist
hugging you myself.
I'm not doing anything.
Yeah? Then what's that?
Nothing.
You were going
to make her a card?
No.
You like glitter, Dewey?
Dewey?
This is the way he is.
He's a walking
disaster area.
Guess who needs another bath?
Come on, you.
Now, not so much ice
this time.
I'm not cold.
Hey, why don't you pay for
dinner, since we got parking.
You're taking advantage of me
because I'm drunk?
Yeah.
I wish he would.
Okay.
I hope you're proud
of yourself.
I can't help it.
I don't know what it is.
It's like the guy gives off
some kind of scent.
The hair on the back
of my neck stands up,
and I want to tear him apart.
I would never have the courage
to do what Hal did.
Oh, sure, occasionally
I'll yell at someone.
It's always with
the car window rolled up.
Can I just say
thank you?
Tom, don't encourage him.
I'm just saying, I'd do
what Hal did if I could.
But you can't
because you're a coward.
That's my point.
And I've got Mr. Sorenson
for math.
Do you think that guy
ever changes his pants?
'Cause I don't think so.
Really?
Listen to me rambling
on and on.
I have completely
lost track of time.
Uh, this call? About 97 minutes.
It's been so great
talking to you.
Yeah, yeah, you, too.
You were always so nice to me.
Ah, well, you deserve it,
you know.
You're a nice person.
I'm wearing one of your shirts.
I was going to sleep
in it tonight.
I hope you don't mind.
No, no.
Anyway, um...
I-I don't know
quite how to say this,
so I'm just going to say it.
I think you're really special.
And, um, well...
I heard you were going to be
home in a couple of weeks,
and, well, my parents are
going to be out of town,
and I thought maybe
you could come over
and we could... you know.
Listen, Patty,
I have to say this,
and I am sorry,
but I don't want to lead you on.
I am so not physically
attracted to you.
Like, at all.
I think of you as a friend.
Uh-huh.
Oh, Patty, see,
now I hurt your feelings.
I know this may be really hard
for you to believe,
but there is someone out there
who will find you
physically attractive.
And you'll find him,
and when you do...
Look, I get it, Francis.
Okay, someone's out there
for me, and it's not you!
That's the spirit.
You had to do it, man.
It's tough when you're
their one shot at happiness.
This is going to send her
straight to the fridge.
Hey, Patty, want to play
video hockey?
Um, not right now.
Hey, where are you going?
To find out what's wrong
and make her feel better.
No. I'll go find out what's
wrong and make her feel better.
You'll just make her
more upset.
I happen
to be sensitive.
You're stupid
and a creep.
I'll kick your ass!
Say I can make her feel better!
No!
♪ Boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo... ♪
You are so sweet.
♪ Boop bee, boop bee ♪
♪ Boop bee, boop bee,
boop bee, boo... ♪
He's cute.
I hate him for being cute.
I don't feel so good.
Maybe it was the oysters.
Uh-huh. Hal, do you have the...
Where's Hal?
I used to have
a Rottweiler like this.
Excuse me.
I can't believe she's sleeping
in the bed right down the hall.
I can't sleep.
He's not that cute.
What's the matter?
I'm scared.
I had a nightmare.
Oh, you poor baby.
Want to sleep with me?
Okay, come on.
All righty.
I don't believe it.
I'm supposed to be the genius,
and I'm being outsmarted
by a kid who can't even
tie his own shoes.
We can't let him get
away with this.
We're taking him down.
Would you stop this, please?!
You are humiliating me
in front of my friends!
I'm okay.
You are both middle-aged men.
You are too old and too weak
to accomplish anything here!
It's too late!
Something snapped!
I'm way past the point
of no return.
We're talking primal
animal urges!
I'm going to let nature
take its course and kill him!
In 30 seconds,
I am going to instruct
these men to let you go.
Thank you, Lois. Thank you.
And then you will have a choice.
You can indulge your
primal urges with him, or...
...you can come back
to the motel
and indulge your primal urges
with me.
Don't trivialize my anger, Lois!
I mean, there are some things
that you just don't try
to talk people out of.
I have a legitimate
situation here.
I know, baby.
It's working.
Okay, I'll hold him,
you put the tape
over his mouth.
Then we'll take him
to the garage.
Where did he go?
There he is.
Come to papa.
He locked us out!
Dewey, come to bed.
Okay.
Great.
What are we supposed
to do now?
Oh, my God,
what is this stuff?!
Well, at least the night
wasn't a total loss.
Oh, geez.
Oh, what is that?