Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006): Season 2, Episode 23 - Carnival - full transcript

Ooh! Aah!

Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Hal!

I'm late for work!

When your TV privileges
are taken away,

you have to do something
for entertainment.

This is totally a trade-up.

♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪



♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the
boss of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ Life is unfair. ♪

Well, I've solved two mysteries:

Why the toaster was
stinking up the house

and where Dewey
left his goldfish.

Hal, would you put
on a decent shirt?

Stevie's here.



So?

So, I like having him around.

Look, he's actually got the
boys reading the newspaper.

Wait.

I haven't... finished yet.

Hey, check it out--

the county fair.

Look at that-- they
got a roller coaster,

a side show, knife throwers.

Your name...

written on... rice.

Oh, man, this is
the last weekend.

We've got to go.

Yeah, like Mom will
ever let us go.

Why does...

she have... to know?

You got an idea?

Maybe... you guys...

could come... for a sleepover.

Your parents aren't going
to let us go to the fair.

They'll think... that I'm...

sleeping... at your house.

Double alibi.

It's a classic for a reason.

Can you... talk your mom...

into... sleeping over?

Mom, can we sleep over
at Stevie's tonight?

Sure!

Now for... my parents.

A sleepover?! At
someone else's house?!

Don't you like
sleeping here, son?

I don't think this is
a good idea, Steve.

I mean, Malcolm's family doesn't
have a HEPA filter air purifier

and God knows how outmoded
their alarm system is.

They probably don't even
have motion detectors.

Be honest, son.

Is it my snoring?

You have a perfectly good

hypo-allergenic mattress
here to sleep on.

I just don't see the point.

I would help... me feel...

normal.

Fish... in a barrel.

All right. See you there.

Stevie's in. We're all set.

He's going to meet us at the
bus stop in half an hour.

We take the 37
express to the fair

have fun for a little while, and
we're back home by midnight.

You little creep!

Let go!

What did you hear?

Everything.

I want to go to the fair.

No, Dewey. You're too young.

Take me or I'll tell Mom.

If you do, I'll just stomp
the crap out of you.

Go ahead. I'm still telling.

Dewey, you're not going
and you're not telling.

If you blab to Mom, we'll
take every pet you ever get

and set it free.

We'll destroy every
toy, every game,

everything you ever love.

Do what you have to.

Dewey's going to go
with us to Stevie's.

Why?

Because we like him.

I'm just fun.

And Stevie's mom is okay with this?
Yeah.

Maybe so, but she has no
idea what she's getting into

with the three of
you over there.

I should give her a call...

Uh, honey, Kitty can
speak up for herself.

I mean, she's made a decision.

I don't think we should
be second-guessing her.

What?!

Though with Dewey gone, too,

we'll have to try to think
of something to do...

on our own... alone.

Okay, boys, have fun.

Bye, now.

♪ ♪

Oh, Hal...

we got the whole night.

Here-- heat up the rolls.

Daddy'll just kill
me if he catches me

with one of the field hands.

Let the machine get it.

Hello, it's Francis.

Mom, Dad, pick up.

I'm in the emergency room

and the doctors think they
can save my leg, but they--

Francis, are you okay?

Ha! Screening your own child.

Fine parents you are.

Honey, what's wrong?

The fact that I have
to resort to lies

to get you to talk to
me-- that's what's wrong.

What do you want, Francis?

I don't know. It's
Saturday night.

I thought I'd call and say hi.

Can we call you back later? Your dad
and I are kind of busy right now.

All right, let me
talk to my brothers.

They're not here.

Then what are you...?

Ew!

Ugh!

♪ ♪

Ugh!

Ugh!

Where is everybody...
going?

They're leaving!

This place is closing
in 15 minutes!

We would've been
here two hours ago

if we didn't have to get
off the express bus!

I had to pee!

You cost us two hours!

Just for that, you don't get
to see the Siamese pigs.

No!

Can we...

stop fighting...

and start... living?

Okay, we only have
time for one ride

so we need to make it count.

How about the
Chamber of Terrors?

It's on the other
side of the midway.

Ride's closed.

What?! We've still
got five minutes!

Not according to my watch.

Hey, you have to let us ride.

This is a county fair.

It belongs to the people.

I mean, what are our tax
dollars paying for, anyway?

The cops, who I'm going to call

if you don't get the
hell out of here.

Ride's closed!

That sucks. He's just picking
on us because we're kids

and we can't do
anything about it.

I know. This is unfair.

He could've let us through.

He just has an attitude problem.

What happened... to
customer service?

Are you sure we
should be doing this?

Stevie might get mad at us
just dropping in on him.

We're not doing anything wrong.

We're his parents, and we happen
to be in the neighborhood.

You just want to
kiss him good night.

So what if I do?

I've kissed that boy good night
every night since he was born.

It makes him sleep better and
it makes me sleep better.

What is taking so long?

You know those boys--

they're probably
watching ninja movies

and eating full-fat crackers.

Hello?

Is everything okay in there?

Oh.

Kitty, Abe... uh, what
are you doing here?

Hello, Hal.

Is everything okay?
We heard a crash.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

We're just, um...
moving furniture.

So, what-what brings you by?

We just came by to see Stevie.

Stevie?!

Stevie isn't here.

I thought he was with you.

What-What are you talking about?

Where's my baby?

Abe, Kitty, what-what
are you doing here?

We came to see Stevie.

He's not here on a
sleepover with your boys?

No! They told us they
were spending the night

at your house for a sleepover.

Oh...

Hal, get my bra.

I guess I should be
scared, but I'm not.

Fake blood.

That's... a zombie?

Rubber guts.

Okay, if I had paid for this
ride, I'd be really pissed.

Stevie! Stevie!

Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!

Stevie!

Stevie! Stevie!

Kitty, you have to leave a little
room between your "Stevies"

or you won't be able
to hear him yell back.

I'm sorry. I'm just
a little nervous.

I don't have as much experience

with my child being
in mortal danger.

Okay, just calm down.

You have to focus on
something positive...

like how we're going
to punish them.

How can I focus on anything

when Stevie's out
there, lost and scared?

I understand what
you're feeling, Kitty.

I'm concerned, too.
We're all concerned.

Abe, this van is a palace.

What does a rig like
this set you back?

Eh, not as much as you'd think.

When I sprang for the DVD
player and flat-screen monitor,

they threw in the GPS
system for free,

so it's really a...

Stevie!

Stevie! Stevie!

Where the
hell's the exit?

We've been wandering around
here for 20 minutes.

This place is creepy.

Hey guys, we're
right back where we started.

This is the car we
were riding in.

I can feel where Dewey
was chewing on it.

Okay, I think
we're out of options.

We have to start a fire.

Just calm down.

We can find our way out of here.

We just need to stay
together and hold hands.

Reese, give me your hand.

I thought I was
holding your hand.

Uh-oh.

This is like the beginning

of every horror movie
I've ever seen.

I think we should all split up.

This place is like a cemetery

with a Ferris wheel.

Are we in trouble?

No. The last bus
leaves in 20 minutes.

We just have to get
outside and wait for it.

Hey.

Let's ask... for help.

No, we'll get in trouble.

Let's climb the fence
and get out of here.

The fences are,
like, 12 feet high.

What about Stevie?

We do it in stages.

We drag his chair to the top,

toss it over, and then

do the same with Stevie.

Hello?!

Lost brother?

Go for it.

Uh, hi.

We're really sorry, but
our brother got lost

and we kind of got stuck
in here after closing.

Would you mind
unlocking the gate

and letting us out?

We only live a block away.

So, we won't be
any more trouble.

You think the rules don't apply?

Excuse me?

My boss finds you
pissants sneaking in...

it's my ass!

Is he mad?

I don't know.

He looks a little...

Oh, my God-- side
window defrosters.

I've never seen that before.

Hello?

Francis? Hang on.

I'm putting you on speakerphone.

Who's this?

Francis, it's Mom.
We need to talk.

You know, with the images
I have in my brain,

I think the best thing
for me right now

is a little distance and about
15 hours of public television.

Francis, would you
quit clowning around?

The boys are missing.

What are you talking about?

We were hoping you can

give us some ideas of
where to look for them.

Over.

Hal.

If you could give us some leads,

it might really speed things up.

See, he doesn't know
you've stopped talking.

No, just you're kind of putting
me in an awkward position.

I mean, you're asking me
to rat out my brothers.

Francis, we're just
worried about the boys.

They're not going to
get into trouble.

Oh? When did they
get new parents?

Listen, you little miscreant,

you better tell
me where they are

before I jump through the phone

and rip that smart mouth
off that damn face!

Who is that?

My name is Kitty Kenarban,

and my little boy Stevie
is out there lost.

His inhaler is running out,

and he's got poor night vision.

Wait, Stevie's with them?

Okay, you didn't
hear it from me,

but I'd check out the
old paint factory.

It's fun to blow up the
old cans of varnish.

Oh, and the knife store on Fifth
has a back door that's loose.

If Stevie could swim...

then I'd guess they'd be 40
miles downstream by now.

Look, just start
at these places.

The others are too alarming,

and there's no sense in
needlessly scaring you.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

Puppies, ice cream, fat
people falling down.

I think we lost him.

Where's... Dewey?

Oh, my God.

Where is he?

Look, I say we get out of here.

We can cover for Dewey.
He's quiet.

Mom and Dad will never
know he's gone.

You don't leave...

a fallen... comrade.

Shut up. We wouldn't
be in this mess

if you hadn't called for help.

Keep... pushing me... dumb-ass.

Look, we can find Dewey.

We just need to start on
one side of the park,

work our way through

and stay the hell
away from that guard.

No way, no way!

We stay right here.

That maniac's out
there somewhere...

waiting for us.

Save... yourselves!

Oh, man, he's got Stevie.

We got to do something.

Why? Maybe it's his time.

Who are we to play God?

Reese!

What is taking him so long?

How many places could the
boys hide in an impound lot?

Start the car!

Start the car!

Go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go, go, go.

Eat our dust, you stupid dogs!

Hal wins again!

Well, they're not there.

How can this be happening?

Stevie never used to
do things like this.

He used to be such a good boy.

He used to hold my
yarn while I knitted.

And I would hold his
yarn while he knitted.

He made this sweater.

Kitty, I am so sorry.

This is all my boys' fault.

They turn everyone they
come in contact with

into scheming delinquents.

They're like a virus.

Oh, look, we don't
blame your boys--

well, we do--

but the thing is, Stevie
has had a hand in this.

I mean, he's changed.

Ever since he hit middle school,

he's just snippy and secretive

and just shuts himself
up in his room.

We should never have let
him have that door.

I guess we're in for
a few rough months.

Few months?

Well, when he gets older

and realizes how much
he's hurting us, then...

Then he'll be even better at it.

Let's face it.

Teenagers are thoughtless,
inconsiderate, eating machines

dedicated to putting
us through hell

and sending us to
an early grave.

These kids just don't
know how much we suffer.

What's that buzzing sound?

Oh, it's a massage feature.

I'll turn it off.

You kids didn't know who
you were messing with.

You caught a kid...
in a wheelchair.

Kudos.

Shut up!

You talk when I say.

I'm shaking... in my chair.

Don't go anywhere.

I think we should run
and jump the fence

and get the cops.

No, we should stay right here.

This is good. This is smart.

We're out in the open.

We've got to move.

No. This guy's a psychopath.

He's probably got bodies
buried all over the country.

The fair comes to town, he
kills a bunch of locals,

then packs up and moves on to
the next bunch of victims.

Shut up-- we're
going to be fine.

Look, I just want
to let you know

I've always tried to
be a good brother.

If I ever hit you or
broke your stuff,

it was because you deserved
it and it was fun,

but that doesn't make it right.

Reese, please stop
talking like this.

We're going to be fine.

Take him!

Hey, guys.

Dewey, that's not funny.

Where's Stevie?

The guard grabbed him.

Yeah, he locked him
up in his trailer,

and he's doing who
knows what to him.

Maybe my friends can help.

What friends?

We come in peace.

Hello?

Hey, it's me-- I
talked to Richie.

He has a couple ideas if
you want to hear them.

Roger that, Francis. Over.

First off, he said the
porno shop on Radford

is having a parking lot sale.

Oh, yeah, and the county
fair is in town right now.

All right.

Of course, the fair.

Your friends think
they can hide, huh?

I'll teach them a little lesson.

They already know...

how to make..

six bucks... an hour.

Shut up!

Lothar, go.

Phil, let's be
reasonable about this.

Why don't you let
the little boy go?

Get out of here, Gorak.

You can't tell me what to do.

I'm in charge of security.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I understand that,

and you're doing a terrific job,

but... I guess what
I'm asking for here

falls under the
category of a favor.

Can you do me a favor, Phil?

Why should I do you a favor?

You never do me any favors.

Is this about the
birthday party?

No.

Phil, I told you.

I was trying to keep it small.

If I invited you,

I'd have to invite the
concession people,

the ticket takers, even
the transportation guys.

I can't afford that.

It was nothing personal.

Really?

Look, we're having a
poker game this weekend.

Why don't you join us?

Can I deal?

Of course you can deal.

Thanks for looking
after our boys, Gorak.

We hope they weren't
too much of a bother.

Hey, I know how kids can be.

I got two little
monsters of my own.

And, Hal, don't forget,

poker this weekend.

Absolutely.

Too bad the boys didn't
get to see our show.

Next time we're in town,
we'll get them backstage.

Only if you take me up on
that home-cooked meal.

You got it, Lois.

These boys have had a
rough night, so...

take it easy on them?

Right now all I'm worried
about is getting them home.

This sucks.

This would've turned out perfect
if Francis didn't rat us out.

What are you smiling about?

Gorak gave me one of his babies.