Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Bully - full transcript

Hey, guys. What you doing?

Hup!

I wish he could stay
little forever.

♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪



♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ Life is unfair. ♪

Reese finally found a way
to beat the snot out of people

and actually get
a trophy for it.

When's Reese up?
I think he's next.

Ooh!

Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yee-hee!

You're Reese's parents?

Why?

He's incredible.
I was at the last meet.

His match was
the turning point.

He inspired the whole team.



And?

Nothing.

He's great.

Thank... you.

We're still getting
used to this whole

being proud of Reese thing.

Go team!

Thank you, Braveheart.

Where's Reese?
Shouldn't he be warming up?

Reese! You're up next.

Let's go.

Go, Reese.

All right, who's up?

Uh-oh.

Well, that's not fair.

What do they expect
him to do--

beat up a girl?

I get to beat up a girl.

Cool.

Go, Reese!

Two points.

One point.

Two points.

Come on, Reese!

Let's go, son!

Kill her!

Warning.

Come on, ref!

Stop! Warning!

Kill him!

Aah!

Ow! Aah!

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

Is Reese a girl now?

No, Dewey. He's a lady.

Shut up!

Sorry, ma'am.

All right, that's enough.

Reese lost a wrestling match.

It's no big deal--
sometimes you win,

sometimes you don't.

Yeah, son, you have
nothing to be ashamed of.

You did your best.

That girl was just inarguably
a better wrestler than you.

Oh, my God, she had you
flopping around on that mat

like a rag doll.

Hello.

Hold him down!

You, shave his butt.

Mom, I'm calling to remind you
that today is the last day

to buy me a plane ticket home
for my...

birthday.

Honey, we talked about this.

We can't fly you back here
in the middle of the week.

You'd only be here
for eight hours.

But, Mom...
Sweetie, I'm sorry.

I wish things were different,

but you were just home
for Thanksgiving,

and that's all
we can afford right now.

Mom, you don't know what they do
to people around here on their

birthday.

They strip you naked,

and they shave every hair
off your body

and they throw you
in the reflecting pond.

Is that what you want for me?

I'm impressed, Francis.

Your stories are getting better;
at least more believable.

What stories?

Oh, when you wanted to come home
for that party

and you swore the academy
was being terrorized

by a pack of feral dogs?

Which were never caught.

Francis, I want you home
for your birthday, too,

but we just can't afford it.

Fine. I guess I'll just
fend for myself

and hope these monsters
don't find out it's my...

you know.

He's still got an eyebrow!

Get him!

Hey, Malcolm.

I heard about your brother
last night.

It was hilarious.

You didn't see it?

A sporting... event?

Right. I wonder
what it's like

to get beat up
by a girl.

It's totally humiliating.

You just want to die.

Your brother didn't
soil himself, did he?

No.

Neither did I.

You know...

Reese's embarrassing
defeat could have

serious consequences
for us all.

He'll be working
extra hard

to prove he's still on top
of the food chain.

You're saying we could
actually have a meaner,

more vicious Reese on our hands?

It's very possible.

We can't avoid
the beatings,

but I suggest that,
as a wedgie deterrent,

we go without underwear
for the next several days.

Uh-oh.

Here he comes now.

This is the first time
I've ever been happy to be me.

You want something
to look at?

I'll give you something
to look at.

The old
chocolate milk diversion.

Wish I had thought of that.

Okay, what the hell was that
milk thing on the playground?

I don't know.
I had to do something.

So you poured milk on yourself?

Why didn't you
just pound that kid?

Because I'm sick of doing that.

I'm sick of beating up
little kids.

It's creepy.

But that's you--
that's what you do.

Not anymore.

That was the old me.

The thing I did
at school today

was me destroying the old Reese.

So, drenching yourself
with chocolate milk

was like a baptism?

No, idiot.

I was washing away
the old me and starting over.

You know, you've been acting
really weird

ever since you got your butt
kicked by that girl.

It's not just about the girl.

Wrestling made me
feel good, you know?

I was helping the school.

People looked up to me.

And that's gone now,
and I've got nothing.

But it's not going
to be like that anymore.

I'm going to find a way to make
people proud of me again.

So what are you going to do?

I don't know.

I just want to be
the good guy,

do good stuff...

for good.

Dewey, what can I
do for you?

Mom!
Shut up!

I'm trying to help you.

Hi, sweetie.

What's wrong?

Is it Francis?

Yeah.

He keeps calling.

His stupid stories are
touching, in a way.

You know, he just
wants to come home.

It's the first time he's
been away on his birthday.

Well, maybe we can at least
do something that night

to take our minds off it.

A guy at work won these
concert tickets on the radio.

Jimmy Buffett?

He didn't want them.
Can you imagine?

Hello.

Mom, great news. I figured out
a way to get home Wednesday.

Francis...

No, it won't cost you a cent.

One of the cadet's fathers
is a trucker.

He said I can ride
in the refrigerator compartment

to the 609 interchange.
And a buddy of his

flies a crop duster.
Now, if he's sober,

he should be able to drop me off
at the soybean field

near the train station...

Honey, Francis, come on.

There'll be other birthdays.

Ask him if he wants a T-shirt
from the concert.

What concert?

Uh, your father

got us tickets
to see Jimmy Buffett.

And this concert wouldn't happen

to be on Wednesday night,
would it?

My birthday?

Uh, yes, it is,
but that has nothing to do...

Oh, now I get it.

You can't afford
to bring me home, but somehow

you find money
for Jimmy Buffett tickets.

Francis, that's not
the way it is at all.

They were free tickets.
Sure they were.

A friend of your father's
gave them to us.

He's not really a friend.

You know, you guys should really

get your stories straight before
you try to ditch me on my...

birthday.

Hey, Malcolm.

Want my cake?
You're not hungry?

No. I ate my lunch
and my decoy lunch.

Now that Reese isn't
stealing it anymore, I get both.

And Reese hasn't made me
eat grass for a week.

Everything tastes better.

Life... is good.

I've been taking ballet,
and I don't care who knows it.

Good for you.

Two days ago,
Reese would've creamed that kid.

Things are really changing.

It's like we've entered
an age of enlightenment.

It's kind of nice.

Hey!

Hey.

What was that for?

That's for having
a smart mouth

and making fun of me
all the time.

Since Reese
is out of the picture,

I don't have to take it anymore.

What are you talking about?

Now that your brother's a wuss,

I don't have to worry
about him coming after me

when I teach you a lesson.

But we're friends.

Making cracks about me
painting my face

and being stupid?

You say those things
to friends?

Those things were funny.

Oh, yeah. Real funny.

I'll show you what's funny.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Pushy Pusherson.

What's wrong with him?

Remember me? Moby Rick?

That was so hilarious.

I never called you Moby Rick.

I called you Rick-Oppotamus.

Although...

Hey! Hey!

Just wait for a second.

So you guys really
don't think I'm funny?

Well, you learn something new
every day.

Evidently, I'm not as charming
as I thought.

You know, you really
make us feel bad

with your hurtful
comments.
Yeah.

You know I'm insecure
about my taste in clothes,

yet you continue to make cutting
remarks about my outfits.

Yeah!

You walk around acting
all smart and funny,

but did you know I cry
myself to sleep every night?

Ye... You do?

So the only reason those jerks
have been putting up with me

is because they're afraid
of my brother?

Actually, we're a bit tired
of your act, too.

Those guys are nuts. I'm funny.

Aren't I funny?

To be honest,
you can be a little caustic.

The word...
is arrogant.

How about bitter, sarcastic
and handsome?

Hey, she's cute.

Hey, Jeffrey.

Do you need help
crossing the street?

Don't worry,
I'm nice now.

Come on.

Jeffrey!

How many times
have I told you

to stay out
of that street?

Oh! You are in
so much trouble,

young man!

Hello?

Yeah.

I'm here to read to you.

Okay.

I was so glad

when I heard
you were coming.

Really? Great.

I just want to help.

They said the terminal patients

really get a lift
from this kind of stuff.

I'm sorry, did...
did you say "terminal"?

I'm in the wrong room.

And come to think of it,
I'm in the wrong hospital.

Nurse!

Nurse!

Help! Help! Let me go!

Happy birthday, Murphy.

We've been looking
for you for hours.

Oh, please! Hey!

Hey, my grandmother
sent me a comforter!

Take my comforter!

You won't believe
how soft it is! Ow!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday,
dear Murphy... ♪

Oh, for God's sake, be careful.

Oops.

Oh, my God!

I wish I could
say this was

the stupidest thing
I've ever done.

You know, on top of everything,
they're going to make me

fix the window
when I get back.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You have every right
to be upset.

I can't believe
your parents

are leaving you all alone
on your birthday.

You poor thing.

Well, it isn't that bad.

Yes, it is.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

You know, this is going to be my
first birthday without a cake.

You know what?

You're not going to spend
your birthday alone.

You're coming to my place,

and I'm going to make you
a nice dinner.

No.

Why should you have
to bother with me

just 'cause I'm injured
and... all alone?

I'll even make you a cake.
What kind do you...

German chocolate.

What's wrong?

Ugh, I don't know, Hal.

I guess this whole Francis
thing is still bothering me.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, you know what?

Why don't we do something
extra nice for him?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What happened to you?

What happened to me? I'll tell
you what happened to me.

Since Reese got
whipped by that girl,

he stopped being
the school bully,

so now there's no one
to protect me from people

who think I'm an unfunny
little smart ass,

which is evidently everyone.

Well, you can be
a little sarcastic.

Thanks, Dad.
I feel better.

Case in point.

Well, he can be.

I'll go talk to him.

Rough day, huh?

Yeah.

You know, when people
are mad at you,

a simple apology can
take you a long way.

Let me give you
a hypothetical.

Let's just say,
hypothetically,

I told a coworker
that it looked like my boss

was highlighting his hair.

And let's say, hypothetically,

that the coworker
then went to my boss

and told him what I said

and that,
hypothetically speaking,

my boss then moved me
to the tiny office

at the end of the hall,
next to the copier.

And if I had
just apologized, Malcolm,

you boys would all have
your own bedrooms right now.

So you're saying you wish
you had apologized?

Not to that pretty boy.

Look, this hypothetical

has nothing to do
with your situation.

Just think about it.

Okay, I'll be over at 8:00.

Yeah, feels much better.

All right. Bye.

Heard you got
a hot date.

Nah, just a nurse...
with her own place.

No biggie.

You're a lucky
man, Francis.

You got a way
with the ladies,

you got parents
who love you...

What are you
talking about?

Hey, whose
birthday is it?

According to the card,
it's yours.

Wow.

My family finally sent me a
present, eight months late.

Which is...

ironic

'cause my mom
works at the post office.

Started back in '87.

Used to be a
letter sorter.

Okay, how about right here?

Hey.

What do you want?

I just wanted to talk.

What?

I just want to
say I'm sorry.

About what?

Remember the day
it was raining

and you said,
"Hey, it's raining,"

and I said,
"Thanks, Einstein"?

Yeah. Why'd you say that?

My name's not Einstein.

I was referring to
Albert Einstein.

He was this physicist
who was a genius.

You think I'm a genius?

Oh, man, I've got, like,
five good comebacks to that.

But that was the old me.

No, I was being
sarcastic.

I was kind of saying that you're
the opposite of a genius.

So... you were
calling me stupid.

Yeah, and that's why I...

I'm really glad we had
this talk, Malcolm.

Yeah, I feel
a lot better now, too.

Hey, Malcolm, come here.

I finally figured it out.

I found the answer.

I know what I want
to do with my life.

Are you still selling
those video games?

Yeah. Five bucks.

What are you doing?

Selling my material possessions.

Why?!
'Cause Brother Billy
told me to.

Brother Billy?!

You mean that nut who rides
around in the school bus

handing out pamphlets?

It's called a manifesto.

And he is not a nut
once you stop and listen to him.

He and his followers have
this awesome compound in Oregon

where we're going
to live off the land.

You're going off
with this guy?!

Don't worry,
it is totally safe.

They have guard dogs,
watchtowers...

Do Mom and Dad
know about this?

No, and you can't tell them.

Brother Billy says they have
negative energy and bad karma.

You're talking about
joining a cult.

Are you nuts?

Brother Billy
doesn't talk to me like that.

He makes me feel good
about myself.

It's called brainwashing, Reese.

My name isn't Reese anymore.

Then what is it?

I don't remember,
but it isn't Reese.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have manifestos
to distribute.

Reese, you've
got to help us.

What?

Your absence as a bully
has created a power vacuum.

Now the school is filled
with rogue thugs

carving out random
spheres of influence.

I've been hit up for
my lunch money twice today.

I've been hit
up three times,

and when I didn't
have anything,

they took my shirt!

They took my shoes!

My shoes!

But what am I supposed
to do about it?

We need you back.

What do you mean?
I was a jerk.

Yes, but you
were the alpha jerk.

Reese, without you,

it's anarchy!

Look around you.

Give me those.

Don't you see?

The whole school
needs you back

administering
your unique form

of evenhanded
brutality.

You're saying my being a bully's
a good thing?

Yes! You're
our only hope.

Stop it!

Stop it!

I'm...

immune.

I'm... immune!

Hey! Stevie's off limits!

He used to be.

Get out of my way.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

♪ The Hulkster's in the house ♪

♪ Check him out, check him out ♪

♪ Get up off your seat... ♪

Thanks... Reese?

Starting tomorrow, you're back
doing my book reports.

Sure.

♪ Hey, hey, oh, oh, come on ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Hey, hey, oh, oh, come on... ♪

Reese! Reese! Reese! Reese!

♪ When the going gets tough ♪

♪ The tough get rough ♪

♪ Hey, hey, oh, oh,
come on, let's go. ♪

Let go of me!

Oh, okay, I'm going,
I'm going.

Order... is restored.

You have the tickets?

Mm-hmm.

Do you think Francis
liked his cookie basket?

Oh, I bet he
was thrilled.

It was a thoughtful
idea, hon.

I just hope his friends
gave him a party.

I'm sure they did.

They seem like
nice boys.

So, how's that
reflection pond, Francis?

Cold.

And when's your date?

In 20 minutes.

♪ Hey, now, baby ♪
♪ Hey, now, baby ♪

♪ Hey, now, honey child ♪
♪ Hey, now, honey child ♪

♪ Hey, now, baby ♪
♪ Hey, now, baby ♪

♪ Hey, now, honey child... ♪
♪ Hey, now, honey child... ♪