Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006): Season 1, Episode 15 - Smunday - full transcript
The boys were grounded for a while for losing Dewey's bike and can't wait for their release, but Lois is sick in bed and mistakes Monday for Sunday. But the boys appreciate the opportunity to ditch school. A letter from the academy arrives, which would cause some trouble for Francis and the boys decide to hide it, until they find out that it was Francis that sold them out about the bike. While the boys turn against Francis, Hal is at a Porsche shop and gets tempted to buy a car he can not possible afford.
I picked this trick up
in camp last year.
This is gonna be great.
Wait for it.
Wait for it...
Oh, screw it.
Oh, man.
What's wrong, Reese?
Nothing! Just-just shut up
and go to sleep, okay?
It's good to be alive.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
Hey, Dewey, wake up!
It's Monday morning.
Hooray!
I never thought
I'd be happy about a Monday,
but today's the end of two
months of being grounded.
Two months!
What are you doing?
Shut up! I have to finish
my history homework.
Reese, we couldn't do
anything all weekend.
No friends,
no TV;
we did absolutely nothing.
And you still managed
not to do your homework?
Hey, the point is,
we never should've
been grounded
in the first place.
He is right.
Mom went way overboard.
We didn't even do
anything that bad.
Okay, so if we give you
Dewey's bike,
Circus will eat
a wet dog food sandwich.
Right.
Sounds good.
Okay then.
Wait a minute.
I don't want you ripping off
my little brothers.
You only get the bike
if he eats the whole can.
Done.
You the man, Circus.
You the man.
This is worth it.
What you gonna tell Mom?
The guy pushed him off...
took the bike...
and then just ran off.
How'd she know we were lying?
We were brilliant.
How's Mom?
Oh, she's got
a temperature of 104.
I've never seen her this sick.
It's like some sort of horrible
science experiment in there.
Mom's been sick
with the flu all weekend.
I'd feel more sympathetic,
but two months with no TV
has killed the part of me
that cares.
I finally figured out
how Mom could tell
we were lying.
How?
Pheromones.
She can smell the fear on us.
Next time you lie,
you have to take a shower first.
Okay, boys,
look, I got to go to work,
but before I do,
I want to talk to you
for a minute.
Now, when I get home,
I get to plug this cord
back into the TV.
So you boys have to behave.
You're not the only ones
who've suffered with no TV.
For all I know, there's
a new wrestling champion.
So... I want you to get
to school on time.
And before you leave,
you go in there,
and tell your mother
to feel better.
Maybe we should
just let her sleep.
She slept straight through
the last 48 hours.
I think it's okay
to wake her up for five minutes.
Mom?
You're starting
to look better.
He's not lying.
Mom kills most germs on contact,
but when one does get through,
it's a doozy.
You kids remember
you're not stepping foot
out of this house today.
Huh?
No TV.
No friends... till tomorrow.
But, Mom...
This is the last Sunday
of your punishment.
But...
Okay, Mom, we got it.
We're still grounded.
What are you doing?
Mom slept all weekend.
She still thinks
it's Sunday.
You know what this means?
No.
We can pretend today's Sunday
and stay home from school.
Oh, I'm in.
Okay, Mom.
We're just going to go
continue our punishment.
And we're definitely
not going to school.
Shut up.
♪ ♪
Beautiful, huh?
Huh?!
Just came in this week.
Just looking.
I'm just...
Please, take your time,
take your time.
Enjoy yourself.
Wow.
I love this car.
Yeah.
Oh, I see you've added
four ponies from last year.
We also put in
the new skid control system.
Oh?
Hey, you know,
the new brochures just came in.
I could show you one
if you want.
No, I-I-I should get to work.
Sir, can I ask,
is your job really so important
that you can't allow yourself
five minutes of pleasure?
I have no response to that.
Yes!
All right!
All right, this'll be great!
Yes!
No, wait, we can't.
Someone will see us.
We're supposed
to be in school.
Okay.
We'll just stay inside
and watch T...
Oh, dang!
Just give me
some time to think.
Come on, already,
think of something!
I'm trying.
All I've got
are all the reasons
this was a stupid idea
in the first place.
Even if we manage
to keep Mom fooled,
we're screwed as soon
as Dad gets home.
It basically means
we're gonna sit here
bored out of our minds
for eight hours
and wait for Mom to
top our last punishment.
How could you be so stupid?
I could've done that myself.
Get it before Mom wakes up!
- Hello.
- Look, Mom.
It's all a pack of lies!
I had nothing to do with it!
Seriously, I was
nowhere near that place...
Francis?
It's Francis? Let me talk.
Oh! Oh!
Come on, let me talk! Please?
What are you guys doing home?
Mom's sick.
She thinks it's Sunday.
We kind of went with it.
Cool.
Oh, dude, I need you to do me
a giant favor.
Go check the mail.
Okay, there should be
a letter there
from Southern Alabama State.
Yeah, it's here.
Why, did you apply there?
No.
There's probably no point
in me ever trying to.
I kind of drove a backhoe
into their swimming pool.
Oh, man. Did they have
to drain the pool?
No, if you put
a ten-foot crack in them,
they pretty much
drain themselves.
They did have to drain
the gym, though.
Ooh.
But I have a plan.
I want you to take the letter
and hide it.
Okay, and then what?
And then hopefully...
I'll come up
with a good idea later.
That's all I got so far.
Yeah, we're kind of
in the same boat.
We're stuck in the house
with nothing to do.
You guys should go down
to the arcade on Hillcrest.
The manager there has
a pretty enlightened outlook
about a kid's right to choose
his own school hours.
We don't have
any money, though.
All right, you guys
are doing me a favor,
so I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
Mom keeps some money
in the top left drawer
of her dresser,
but she won't notice
if you only take
between five and seven dollars.
What are
you boys doing?
Looking for
our money.
It's not there.
I moved it
to the back of the closet.
Where she hides
her Christmas presents?
No...
I moved those to the attic.
Um, Mom, where'd you hide
that football
I broke the window with?
In the garage.
And when you made
chipped beef on toast
last week,
was that really beef?
Who knows?
It was 39 cents a pound.
Did Grandpa really
punch Jimmy Carter in the face?
No, he just threw a rock
at the motorcade and ran off.
Did you really give
my red blanket to the poor kids?
No, your father used it
to clean the barbecue.
I was really adopted,
wasn't I?
Oh, you're ours...
and we love you.
Damn.
So, um...
I don't know.
What's your
favorite color?
For the third time, green.
Let's just go.
Wait.
I got a good one.
How'd you know Dewey's bike
wasn't really stolen?
That is a good one.
Francis told me.
I can't believe it!
Francis ratted on us to Mom!
No!
He wouldn't do that.
You did it!
Shut up!
He sold us out!
Francis is dead
to us now!
Wait a minute--
that makes me
the oldest brother.
Guys, seriously--
if you have any problems,
you can come to me.
Dewey, get me some ice tea.
No!
We should just give this to Mom
and let him fry.
Right.
No, wait!
It's Francis.
We can't just take
Mom's word for it.
Hey, Malcolm, everything okay?
Um, Francis...
we were just
wondering...
Mom said...
you ratted on us
about Dewey's bike.
But she's probably
just mixed up, right?
Because you're our big brother
and you wouldn't do
something like
that-- Francis?
You don't know
what kind of pressure
I was under!
You butt-wipe!
How could you?
Well, did he do it?
I can't believe you!
You're our big brother!
You're supposed
to protect us,
not betray us.
He did it, didn't he?
Malcolm, just let me explain...
And then you actually
have the nerve to ask us
to risk our butts for you?
Maybe we should just
give the letter to Mom.
No, you can't do that!
Yeah, why not?
Because if you give
the letter to Mom,
she'll know it's not Sunday.
I'll just tell her it
came special delivery.
Yeah, well, she won't believe it
'cause she would have
to sign for it.
I could forge
her signature.
But then she'll know
you can forge her signature.
Which won't
matter at all
because she'll be
so mad at you,
she won't even think
about me for a few days.
And even if she does,
I'll just tell her
I didn't want
to disturb her.
So in addition to
you getting nailed,
I'll get points for
being sympathetic.
Put Reese on the phone.
You know, Hal,
owning a Porsche
is not just for
the wealthy anymore.
My lifemate and I,
we both drive 'em.
Really?
Oh, she's a very
lucky lady.
Oh. A blond.
This is going to
sound clichéd, Hal,
but what can I do to put you
in that car today?
You can give me $90,000.
That's funny.
Yeah.
Seriously, we have
all kinds of financial plans
available.
Why don't we take it
for a test drive?
Nah, I... I don't know.
I would have to call work and...
There's a phone...
in the car.
So, do we give Mom
the letter now
or wait till Dad gets home
and give him both barrels?
Now!
Do it now!
We're not giving
Mom the letter.
Of course we are!
We have to!
He's a traitor!
He has to pay!
He must suffer!
We can't give
Mom the letter.
She'd kill him.
But we can make him
think we're giving
her the letter.
We could make
him think
we're scuzzy,
dirty backstabbers
just like he is.
Oh, okay.
Hello.
Hey, it's me.
Well, if it isn't
the snitch.
Hi, snitch.
Come on, Malcolm.
Let's just end this
before it gets out
of control.
I know how you
guys feel.
You do, huh?
How do we feel?
Well... bad.
No.
The words that
come to my mind
are revenge,
payback, envelope.
Malcolm, you're not going
to give Mom the letter.
I don't think you're in
any position to call the shots.
No, but... Richie should be
right about now.
Richie?
Yeah?
That was the best 12 minutes
of my life.
Well, I'm glad
to hear that, Hal.
You know, there are
a couple of people
I'd like you to meet.
Okay, listen up:
my mom's in her bedroom,
so you gotta keep it down,
and remember,
don't hurt my brothers.
Circus!
It's okay. It was ugly.
Man, just get the letter
and don't let Malcolm
out of your sight.
He's too smart.
Uh-oh.
What do you mean, "uh-oh"?
What did he do?
He's out of breath.
Damn it!
He hid the letter.
Okay, kid,
you've got
three seconds to tell me
or I'm going to pound you
within an...
Richie!
Which part
of "no hurting my brothers"
didn't you understand?
I got to tell you, man,
you're not allowing me
a single creative
thought here.
Where'd you put it?
In the VCR.
I know.
If we set fire
to the house,
Malcolm will go
right for the letter.
Why would he go
right for the letter?
Well, maybe we should
just set fire to the
house and find out.
Put Justin on the phone.
You the man, Francis.
You the man!
Put Richie back on the phone.
Hey, you can tear up
the house if you want
with my mom here
and explain it to her
or you can quit
and slink away
like the monosyllabic
mouth-breathers you are.
What'd he say?
He said a lot of things,
but the gist of it is,
we got to tear up the house.
No, you can't do that. Just...
wait a minute,
I have an idea.
Look at Reese.
What's he doing?
He's just
sitting there.
No, look at his eyes.
What are his eyes doing?
They're looking back at me.
Okay, just keep looking at him.
He's looking at the VCR.
No, I-I was looking at the...
the other thing.
Bingo! We got it!
You're the man, Richie!
All right!
Who wants a latte?
I'm really sorry,
you guys.
For what?
You were perfect.
You did exactly
what I thought you'd do.
What are you
talking about?
They have a fake letter.
I knew Francis
wouldn't leave us alone
without getting something
and I knew you'd give it away.
I knew exactly
what everyone would do.
So where's the
real letter?
I had to think
of the one place
they'd never think
of looking.
I had to give it
to the one person
they'd never think
I'd give it to.
I did the most
brilliant thing of all:
I gave it to Dewey.
And I hid it
under Mom's pillow.
You what?!
I'm gonna kill him.
I'm gonna kill him.
I am going
to kill him!
This is all a dream.
Oh, shut up, Reese!
Mom, stop it.
You're sick.
I'm too mad to be sick.
No, he has finally
done it this time.
Where is that brochure
for the work farm
in Arizona?
He thinks military school
is tough?
Just wait.
Wait.
Wait...
wait...
wait!
Hey, Malcolm?
Hi, Francis.
Look, I'm sorry about all this.
I shouldn't have
sent those guys over.
It was stupid.
You know, Francis,
we never actually intended
to show the letter to Mom.
We just wanted to scare you.
Yeah, I know.
You guys would never
do that to me.
But if she did see the letter,
you'd know it was just
an accident, right?
Yeah, but Richie has the letter.
Please tell me
Richie has the letter.
Richie has coupons.
Mom has the letter.
But like I said, it was just
an accident. I swear.
So the thing you've been
threatening to do all day
but had no intention of doing,
you did but didn't mean to?
Yeah.
You can yell
at us now.
No, I guess I deserve it.
I shouldn't have ratted
on you guys.
Mom was just really
pressuring me about coming home
and, well, I folded.
Coming home?
Yeah, she said if I wanted
to come home for the summer,
I had to tell her
about the bike.
But that's just a lame excuse.
I'm sorry.
Actually,
that was a pretty good excuse.
Wow, you have made
a great deal here, Hal.
Now, you just, uh,
sign right there
and she's all yours.
Yeah, you know, I-I've
been thinking...
I think maybe I got
a little overexcited.
Aw, that's just the jitters.
They'll be long gone
when you're roaring home
in your brand-new
Porsche.
Just sign.
No, I think
maybe we should
do this another time
because I-I'm not
feeling very well
and my wife has the flu...
I'll tell you what--
let's throw in
the new chrome turbo wheels
and free car washes
for a year-- just sign.
I can't.
But, Hal...
you put your initials
by this number.
Sorry.
Maybe some other time.
Hal, will you do me
one favor?
One favor, now,
I want you just to...
stick your head in the car
one last time, okay?
I want you to smell
the leather,
take another look
at that console,
and tell me you don't
want this car.
Go ahead, do it.
Come on.
So what do you say?
I told you I was sick!
Oh, my God!
You guys,
we can save Francis.
What?!
Think about it--
every time
Mom gets mad,
she forgets about
everything else in the world
except for the things
she's mad at.
That focus is the key
to her power.
So?
So Mom won't care so much
about sending Francis
to a work farm
if she's busy being mad
at someone else, like at us.
We can do that.
Yeah.
You don't
understand.
We're going to have to get
in real trouble,
more trouble than we've ever
been in, in our entire lives.
And we can't make it look
like we're doing it on purpose.
I just want you guys to
know what you're in for.
We owe it to him.
Okay, we got
Dad's skating trophy,
Mom and Dad's
wedding portrait,
Mom's favorite lamp.
No, Dewey, it's stuff
they like, not you.
Oh.
Good!
Paint?!
Yeah.
That way, we not only
destroy the stuff;
we take out
the driveway,
splash on the house
and, with any luck,
get some
collateral damage
to the neighbors.
What a waste!
For any other reason
this would've been
the funnest thing ever.
Okay, guys...
have the last candy bars
of your childhood.
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey!
Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey!
Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey...
Okay, here she comes.
Now, remember,
this is supposed to be fun.
♪ Down, down, down you go ♪
♪ No way to stop ♪
♪ As you fall, hear me call ♪
♪ "No, no, no" ♪
♪ Fogging the view,
cupping face to the window ♪
♪ In darkness you make out
a spiraling shape ♪
♪ Putting all reason aside,
you exchange what you got ♪
♪ For a thing
that's hypnotic and strange ♪
♪ The spiraling shape
will make you go insane. ♪
Well, I guess
it's mission accomplished.
I don't think Mom even remembers
she has a son named Francis.
Boys!
Just come down.
We're not coming down until you
tell us what you're going to do.
Not going to tell you what I'm
going to do until you come down.
Why don't you
just tell us?
Why don't you just come down?
Tell us.
Come down.
Just tell us!
Come down.
But if you tell us,
we'll come down.
in camp last year.
This is gonna be great.
Wait for it.
Wait for it...
Oh, screw it.
Oh, man.
What's wrong, Reese?
Nothing! Just-just shut up
and go to sleep, okay?
It's good to be alive.
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
♪ And you're not so big ♪
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
Hey, Dewey, wake up!
It's Monday morning.
Hooray!
I never thought
I'd be happy about a Monday,
but today's the end of two
months of being grounded.
Two months!
What are you doing?
Shut up! I have to finish
my history homework.
Reese, we couldn't do
anything all weekend.
No friends,
no TV;
we did absolutely nothing.
And you still managed
not to do your homework?
Hey, the point is,
we never should've
been grounded
in the first place.
He is right.
Mom went way overboard.
We didn't even do
anything that bad.
Okay, so if we give you
Dewey's bike,
Circus will eat
a wet dog food sandwich.
Right.
Sounds good.
Okay then.
Wait a minute.
I don't want you ripping off
my little brothers.
You only get the bike
if he eats the whole can.
Done.
You the man, Circus.
You the man.
This is worth it.
What you gonna tell Mom?
The guy pushed him off...
took the bike...
and then just ran off.
How'd she know we were lying?
We were brilliant.
How's Mom?
Oh, she's got
a temperature of 104.
I've never seen her this sick.
It's like some sort of horrible
science experiment in there.
Mom's been sick
with the flu all weekend.
I'd feel more sympathetic,
but two months with no TV
has killed the part of me
that cares.
I finally figured out
how Mom could tell
we were lying.
How?
Pheromones.
She can smell the fear on us.
Next time you lie,
you have to take a shower first.
Okay, boys,
look, I got to go to work,
but before I do,
I want to talk to you
for a minute.
Now, when I get home,
I get to plug this cord
back into the TV.
So you boys have to behave.
You're not the only ones
who've suffered with no TV.
For all I know, there's
a new wrestling champion.
So... I want you to get
to school on time.
And before you leave,
you go in there,
and tell your mother
to feel better.
Maybe we should
just let her sleep.
She slept straight through
the last 48 hours.
I think it's okay
to wake her up for five minutes.
Mom?
You're starting
to look better.
He's not lying.
Mom kills most germs on contact,
but when one does get through,
it's a doozy.
You kids remember
you're not stepping foot
out of this house today.
Huh?
No TV.
No friends... till tomorrow.
But, Mom...
This is the last Sunday
of your punishment.
But...
Okay, Mom, we got it.
We're still grounded.
What are you doing?
Mom slept all weekend.
She still thinks
it's Sunday.
You know what this means?
No.
We can pretend today's Sunday
and stay home from school.
Oh, I'm in.
Okay, Mom.
We're just going to go
continue our punishment.
And we're definitely
not going to school.
Shut up.
♪ ♪
Beautiful, huh?
Huh?!
Just came in this week.
Just looking.
I'm just...
Please, take your time,
take your time.
Enjoy yourself.
Wow.
I love this car.
Yeah.
Oh, I see you've added
four ponies from last year.
We also put in
the new skid control system.
Oh?
Hey, you know,
the new brochures just came in.
I could show you one
if you want.
No, I-I-I should get to work.
Sir, can I ask,
is your job really so important
that you can't allow yourself
five minutes of pleasure?
I have no response to that.
Yes!
All right!
All right, this'll be great!
Yes!
No, wait, we can't.
Someone will see us.
We're supposed
to be in school.
Okay.
We'll just stay inside
and watch T...
Oh, dang!
Just give me
some time to think.
Come on, already,
think of something!
I'm trying.
All I've got
are all the reasons
this was a stupid idea
in the first place.
Even if we manage
to keep Mom fooled,
we're screwed as soon
as Dad gets home.
It basically means
we're gonna sit here
bored out of our minds
for eight hours
and wait for Mom to
top our last punishment.
How could you be so stupid?
I could've done that myself.
Get it before Mom wakes up!
- Hello.
- Look, Mom.
It's all a pack of lies!
I had nothing to do with it!
Seriously, I was
nowhere near that place...
Francis?
It's Francis? Let me talk.
Oh! Oh!
Come on, let me talk! Please?
What are you guys doing home?
Mom's sick.
She thinks it's Sunday.
We kind of went with it.
Cool.
Oh, dude, I need you to do me
a giant favor.
Go check the mail.
Okay, there should be
a letter there
from Southern Alabama State.
Yeah, it's here.
Why, did you apply there?
No.
There's probably no point
in me ever trying to.
I kind of drove a backhoe
into their swimming pool.
Oh, man. Did they have
to drain the pool?
No, if you put
a ten-foot crack in them,
they pretty much
drain themselves.
They did have to drain
the gym, though.
Ooh.
But I have a plan.
I want you to take the letter
and hide it.
Okay, and then what?
And then hopefully...
I'll come up
with a good idea later.
That's all I got so far.
Yeah, we're kind of
in the same boat.
We're stuck in the house
with nothing to do.
You guys should go down
to the arcade on Hillcrest.
The manager there has
a pretty enlightened outlook
about a kid's right to choose
his own school hours.
We don't have
any money, though.
All right, you guys
are doing me a favor,
so I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
Mom keeps some money
in the top left drawer
of her dresser,
but she won't notice
if you only take
between five and seven dollars.
What are
you boys doing?
Looking for
our money.
It's not there.
I moved it
to the back of the closet.
Where she hides
her Christmas presents?
No...
I moved those to the attic.
Um, Mom, where'd you hide
that football
I broke the window with?
In the garage.
And when you made
chipped beef on toast
last week,
was that really beef?
Who knows?
It was 39 cents a pound.
Did Grandpa really
punch Jimmy Carter in the face?
No, he just threw a rock
at the motorcade and ran off.
Did you really give
my red blanket to the poor kids?
No, your father used it
to clean the barbecue.
I was really adopted,
wasn't I?
Oh, you're ours...
and we love you.
Damn.
So, um...
I don't know.
What's your
favorite color?
For the third time, green.
Let's just go.
Wait.
I got a good one.
How'd you know Dewey's bike
wasn't really stolen?
That is a good one.
Francis told me.
I can't believe it!
Francis ratted on us to Mom!
No!
He wouldn't do that.
You did it!
Shut up!
He sold us out!
Francis is dead
to us now!
Wait a minute--
that makes me
the oldest brother.
Guys, seriously--
if you have any problems,
you can come to me.
Dewey, get me some ice tea.
No!
We should just give this to Mom
and let him fry.
Right.
No, wait!
It's Francis.
We can't just take
Mom's word for it.
Hey, Malcolm, everything okay?
Um, Francis...
we were just
wondering...
Mom said...
you ratted on us
about Dewey's bike.
But she's probably
just mixed up, right?
Because you're our big brother
and you wouldn't do
something like
that-- Francis?
You don't know
what kind of pressure
I was under!
You butt-wipe!
How could you?
Well, did he do it?
I can't believe you!
You're our big brother!
You're supposed
to protect us,
not betray us.
He did it, didn't he?
Malcolm, just let me explain...
And then you actually
have the nerve to ask us
to risk our butts for you?
Maybe we should just
give the letter to Mom.
No, you can't do that!
Yeah, why not?
Because if you give
the letter to Mom,
she'll know it's not Sunday.
I'll just tell her it
came special delivery.
Yeah, well, she won't believe it
'cause she would have
to sign for it.
I could forge
her signature.
But then she'll know
you can forge her signature.
Which won't
matter at all
because she'll be
so mad at you,
she won't even think
about me for a few days.
And even if she does,
I'll just tell her
I didn't want
to disturb her.
So in addition to
you getting nailed,
I'll get points for
being sympathetic.
Put Reese on the phone.
You know, Hal,
owning a Porsche
is not just for
the wealthy anymore.
My lifemate and I,
we both drive 'em.
Really?
Oh, she's a very
lucky lady.
Oh. A blond.
This is going to
sound clichéd, Hal,
but what can I do to put you
in that car today?
You can give me $90,000.
That's funny.
Yeah.
Seriously, we have
all kinds of financial plans
available.
Why don't we take it
for a test drive?
Nah, I... I don't know.
I would have to call work and...
There's a phone...
in the car.
So, do we give Mom
the letter now
or wait till Dad gets home
and give him both barrels?
Now!
Do it now!
We're not giving
Mom the letter.
Of course we are!
We have to!
He's a traitor!
He has to pay!
He must suffer!
We can't give
Mom the letter.
She'd kill him.
But we can make him
think we're giving
her the letter.
We could make
him think
we're scuzzy,
dirty backstabbers
just like he is.
Oh, okay.
Hello.
Hey, it's me.
Well, if it isn't
the snitch.
Hi, snitch.
Come on, Malcolm.
Let's just end this
before it gets out
of control.
I know how you
guys feel.
You do, huh?
How do we feel?
Well... bad.
No.
The words that
come to my mind
are revenge,
payback, envelope.
Malcolm, you're not going
to give Mom the letter.
I don't think you're in
any position to call the shots.
No, but... Richie should be
right about now.
Richie?
Yeah?
That was the best 12 minutes
of my life.
Well, I'm glad
to hear that, Hal.
You know, there are
a couple of people
I'd like you to meet.
Okay, listen up:
my mom's in her bedroom,
so you gotta keep it down,
and remember,
don't hurt my brothers.
Circus!
It's okay. It was ugly.
Man, just get the letter
and don't let Malcolm
out of your sight.
He's too smart.
Uh-oh.
What do you mean, "uh-oh"?
What did he do?
He's out of breath.
Damn it!
He hid the letter.
Okay, kid,
you've got
three seconds to tell me
or I'm going to pound you
within an...
Richie!
Which part
of "no hurting my brothers"
didn't you understand?
I got to tell you, man,
you're not allowing me
a single creative
thought here.
Where'd you put it?
In the VCR.
I know.
If we set fire
to the house,
Malcolm will go
right for the letter.
Why would he go
right for the letter?
Well, maybe we should
just set fire to the
house and find out.
Put Justin on the phone.
You the man, Francis.
You the man!
Put Richie back on the phone.
Hey, you can tear up
the house if you want
with my mom here
and explain it to her
or you can quit
and slink away
like the monosyllabic
mouth-breathers you are.
What'd he say?
He said a lot of things,
but the gist of it is,
we got to tear up the house.
No, you can't do that. Just...
wait a minute,
I have an idea.
Look at Reese.
What's he doing?
He's just
sitting there.
No, look at his eyes.
What are his eyes doing?
They're looking back at me.
Okay, just keep looking at him.
He's looking at the VCR.
No, I-I was looking at the...
the other thing.
Bingo! We got it!
You're the man, Richie!
All right!
Who wants a latte?
I'm really sorry,
you guys.
For what?
You were perfect.
You did exactly
what I thought you'd do.
What are you
talking about?
They have a fake letter.
I knew Francis
wouldn't leave us alone
without getting something
and I knew you'd give it away.
I knew exactly
what everyone would do.
So where's the
real letter?
I had to think
of the one place
they'd never think
of looking.
I had to give it
to the one person
they'd never think
I'd give it to.
I did the most
brilliant thing of all:
I gave it to Dewey.
And I hid it
under Mom's pillow.
You what?!
I'm gonna kill him.
I'm gonna kill him.
I am going
to kill him!
This is all a dream.
Oh, shut up, Reese!
Mom, stop it.
You're sick.
I'm too mad to be sick.
No, he has finally
done it this time.
Where is that brochure
for the work farm
in Arizona?
He thinks military school
is tough?
Just wait.
Wait.
Wait...
wait...
wait!
Hey, Malcolm?
Hi, Francis.
Look, I'm sorry about all this.
I shouldn't have
sent those guys over.
It was stupid.
You know, Francis,
we never actually intended
to show the letter to Mom.
We just wanted to scare you.
Yeah, I know.
You guys would never
do that to me.
But if she did see the letter,
you'd know it was just
an accident, right?
Yeah, but Richie has the letter.
Please tell me
Richie has the letter.
Richie has coupons.
Mom has the letter.
But like I said, it was just
an accident. I swear.
So the thing you've been
threatening to do all day
but had no intention of doing,
you did but didn't mean to?
Yeah.
You can yell
at us now.
No, I guess I deserve it.
I shouldn't have ratted
on you guys.
Mom was just really
pressuring me about coming home
and, well, I folded.
Coming home?
Yeah, she said if I wanted
to come home for the summer,
I had to tell her
about the bike.
But that's just a lame excuse.
I'm sorry.
Actually,
that was a pretty good excuse.
Wow, you have made
a great deal here, Hal.
Now, you just, uh,
sign right there
and she's all yours.
Yeah, you know, I-I've
been thinking...
I think maybe I got
a little overexcited.
Aw, that's just the jitters.
They'll be long gone
when you're roaring home
in your brand-new
Porsche.
Just sign.
No, I think
maybe we should
do this another time
because I-I'm not
feeling very well
and my wife has the flu...
I'll tell you what--
let's throw in
the new chrome turbo wheels
and free car washes
for a year-- just sign.
I can't.
But, Hal...
you put your initials
by this number.
Sorry.
Maybe some other time.
Hal, will you do me
one favor?
One favor, now,
I want you just to...
stick your head in the car
one last time, okay?
I want you to smell
the leather,
take another look
at that console,
and tell me you don't
want this car.
Go ahead, do it.
Come on.
So what do you say?
I told you I was sick!
Oh, my God!
You guys,
we can save Francis.
What?!
Think about it--
every time
Mom gets mad,
she forgets about
everything else in the world
except for the things
she's mad at.
That focus is the key
to her power.
So?
So Mom won't care so much
about sending Francis
to a work farm
if she's busy being mad
at someone else, like at us.
We can do that.
Yeah.
You don't
understand.
We're going to have to get
in real trouble,
more trouble than we've ever
been in, in our entire lives.
And we can't make it look
like we're doing it on purpose.
I just want you guys to
know what you're in for.
We owe it to him.
Okay, we got
Dad's skating trophy,
Mom and Dad's
wedding portrait,
Mom's favorite lamp.
No, Dewey, it's stuff
they like, not you.
Oh.
Good!
Paint?!
Yeah.
That way, we not only
destroy the stuff;
we take out
the driveway,
splash on the house
and, with any luck,
get some
collateral damage
to the neighbors.
What a waste!
For any other reason
this would've been
the funnest thing ever.
Okay, guys...
have the last candy bars
of your childhood.
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey!
Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey!
Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey! Time to wake up!
Hey...
Okay, here she comes.
Now, remember,
this is supposed to be fun.
♪ Down, down, down you go ♪
♪ No way to stop ♪
♪ As you fall, hear me call ♪
♪ "No, no, no" ♪
♪ Fogging the view,
cupping face to the window ♪
♪ In darkness you make out
a spiraling shape ♪
♪ Putting all reason aside,
you exchange what you got ♪
♪ For a thing
that's hypnotic and strange ♪
♪ The spiraling shape
will make you go insane. ♪
Well, I guess
it's mission accomplished.
I don't think Mom even remembers
she has a son named Francis.
Boys!
Just come down.
We're not coming down until you
tell us what you're going to do.
Not going to tell you what I'm
going to do until you come down.
Why don't you
just tell us?
Why don't you just come down?
Tell us.
Come down.
Just tell us!
Come down.
But if you tell us,
we'll come down.