Magic for Humans (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - All Work and No Play - full transcript

[TV] In sports the national...
I want to lose weight

[Justin] Business is pleasure.

Who calls himself a workaholic?

Who has a hard time balancing
work and play?

I miss every holiday.

I've gotten tickets by the police
for being on my phone.

I'm distracted constantly.

All the texts, 24/7 from work,

and from my 25 year old boyfriend,

who lives up in the Bay Area.

And more and more, I miss the booty calls.



- Wow.
- Yeah.

Friends, colleagues,

people all over the world are
facing a crisis.

We're all trying to find the balance:

the balance between work...

- and play!
- [crowd cheers]

Oh, wow!

[crowd gasping and laughing]

- Nice!
- So, where's the suit!

[theme song playing]

When I was a kid, life was pretty easy.

I slept...

and I played.

But then I got older,
and I had to do chores.



But once those chores were done...

I got to play.

And then, I got my first job,

which was pretty cool.

I had to wait until my shift was over,
though.

And then I played.

And then, eventually,
I had to get a real job.

But luckily for me,

my real job... is often mistaken for play.

Which means in the end,

it's about finding that delicate balance,

between working hard,

and playing hard.

[Justin] They say, "Choose a job you love
and you'll never work a day in your life".

As a kid, I loved magic,

so I chose it as my job
and never looked back.

Sadly, not everyone has a job they love.

So I decided to recruit people to quit
their careers and become a magician.

It was a whopping success.

Did you ever want to be a magician?

No.

People are stupid.

You, too, can do this.

Dammit!

How are you doing?

- Good. Hi.
- I'm here with IBM:

Oh.

"Imagine Being a Magician".

It's an acronym. I came up with that.

I think you might get sued by that.
It looks like the IBM computer company.

There's a company called what?

Have you ever wanted to do this?

- Yeah.
- That's what I thought!

Do you happen to have two small foam
rabbits that are super adorable?

Okay, I'll use mine.

Let's see if you have what it takes.

I'll squeeze one of the bunnies

and you squeeze the other one
in your fist.

And say, "I'm going to cause your rabbit
to disappear!"

I'm going to cause your rabbit
to disappear!

Whoa!

And tell me, "It reappeared in your hand"!

It reappeared in my hand!

- Oh my God!
- [girls laugh]

Let's try a telekinesis stunt here, okay?

[blowing]

It's a black balloon
inside of a clear balloon.

You're going to try to pop the black
balloon with your mind.

You say, "Balloon, please pop."

- Balloon, can you please pop?
- [balloon pops]

Oh my gosh!

Really good!

- [balloon pops]
- Oh, wow!

- [balloon pops]
- We've got a telekinesis master over here!

- Balloon!
- [balloon pops]

Tell me you're going to show me
a card trick.

I'm going to show you a card trick.

- Oh, see, I believe it, don't you?
- Yeah.

Here's what we'll do: I'll talk you
through the card trick. Fan the cards out

and say, "Pick a card, Sir."

Pick a card...

Sir.

Ok. Now, tell me to sign my name on it.

Ok. Now, you're going to sign your name
on the card.

- What name should I sign?
- Dave.

Dave.

Okay.

Now, tell me to put the card on the top
of the deck.

Put the card here.

Okay, putting my card, the Two of Hearts,
on the top of the deck?

Yes.

Okay, tell me to cut the deck.

Now cut the deck.

Okay, and now, tell me
my card is vanished.

Your card's gone. It's not in there.

What? The Two of Hearts
with Dave on it is gone?

What? It...?

Wow, it truly is.

Now, tell me it's reappeared in my pocket.

Now, it's in your pocket.

No, in "my" pocket.

Oh, now the card has reappeared
in my pocket.

And now, you reach into your pocket
and pull out the card.

No!

No! No! No!

I think she's a natural.

So, the application process takes
about two hours.

You can take a seat and fill this out
if you want.

How much does it cost?

- Emotionally or financially?
- Emotionally.

- A lot.
- Right.

- What's your name?
- Alex.

You're on Trick Questions.

I'm going to show you a trick
and then ask you a question.

Okay.

Chopsticks.

They're gone!

- Okay.
- Now, here's the question:

If you "Can't Believe It's Not Butter",
why should you be allowed to vote?

It's not butter. "I Can't Believe
It's Not Butter".

[voices] Trick Questions!

[Justin] Once I got married and had a kid,

I learned there's more to life
than just work.

I like my job, but I love my son.

And, sometimes,
I have to be two places at once.

Luckily, thanks for this new gig economy,

you can hire just about anyone
to do just about anything.

- Justin.
- Chandler. Nice to meet you.

- You're the Task Rabbit?
- Yes.

- So, here's the deal:
- Okay.

- I'm a magician.
- Alright.

- I have a magic show.
- Ok.

We're scheduled to film
some street magic tonight.

That was all set, but my wife is
out of town and my nanny is sick.

- So I have to take care of my son.
- Okay, sure.

- They'll tell you all about it.
- I'm sure I'll figure it out.

- Alright. Have a good night.
- Thank you, Chandler.

[mysterious song playing]

Subway's open.

Yeah!

- [Justin] Are you hungry?
- I'm alright right now, I think.

[Justin] Or not hungry.
Hello, sir!

My wife's out of town and

my nanny is sick, so I'm home with my son.

So I hired this dude, Chandler.
Hi, Chandler.

Hi.

Hi, Chandler.

[Justin] He's my human Task Rabbit.

Hello.

Think of any tasty beverage, right now.

- What are you thinking of?
- I'm thinking of Fanta?

Beverly, reach into pocket number 33.

Oh, sh...

- Oh, it's Coke.
- It's a Coca-Cola.

Okay, I've got this.

Beverly, reach into pocket number nine.

I have a little glass that I keep there.
Yeah.

Marcus, would you dramatically crack open
the can of Coca-Cola?

And, dramatically, with a long pour,
bartender-style, pour it into the cup.

- And watch as we change that Coca-Cola
- No!

- into Fanta!
- No way!

Oh my goodness! No!

[Beverly laughs]

It's Fanta.

- [Beverly chuckles]
- It is Fanta!

[Justin] Would you reach into
pocket number 40?

That's deodorant.

Would you mind giving me a little fresh up
on my neck on each side?

I want to make sure I smell good.

Good? Okay, good. Re-cap that for me.
Hold on to that.

Tyler, do see kind of under my right
and left armpits, pockets 11 and 20?

- Yes.
- Reach in, all the way to the bottom.

Yeah. Oh, that's good.

Reach in. Keep going.

- Hey!
- Oh, that feels good.

- This is nice.
- Thanks for the hug, buddy.

Should I pull out what's inside?

Oh, yeah.

No, this wasn't just a gratuitous hug.

That's right. What do you have?

- A Sharpie and a quarter.
- You're darn right you do.

Would you write your name on that quarter
for me. Show the quarter to the camera

so the camera can see.

And, now, I need you to reach
into pocket number 44.

It's a secret pocket!

Yeah, it's pocket number 99. Would you put
the quarter inside of pocket number 99?

And then just hold pocket 99.
Just kind of pinch it from the top.

Perfect. Reach into pocket number 35.

- Pull out my tool.
- Oh!

Wave the magic wand and say,
"Ding dong magic".

Ding dong magic.

[Justin] Fantastic.

Now, reach inside pocket number 99
and see what's happened to your quarter.

Oh, what? I'm kind of scared.

It's gone.

- No, it's not.
- Really?

Gone!

- Show Anna that it's gone.
- It's gone!

- No.
- Show the camera that it's gone.

I didn't take it out. I had my fingers
pinching the top the whole time.

- [Anna chuckles]
- What!

[Justin] But wait, Anna...

shake the deodorant, Anna.

What is happening?

What do you hear?

- No!
- What's inside?

- No!
- Show the camera.

- Tyler, is that your quarter you wrote on?
- I wrote my name on it!

Wait!

Nice!

That's crazy.

- How are you holding up, buddy?
- [Chandler] I'm doing good.

Reach into pocket 42. It's our left bicep.
I've got a little bag of almonds in there.

Uh huh.

Alright, we'll work on that part.

Pick a card. Pick a card.

- Got one?
- Yeah.

I'm going to give the deck
of cards to you, Marcus.

Okay.

And, Marcus, why don't you reach
into pocket number one?

I got a marker in there for Beverly
to write her name.

Put that card back in the deck and,
Marcus, give it a few shuffles.

You're going to spring those cards
at my face on the count of three. Ready?

One... two...

three.

- No!
- No way!

What! Wow!

One card is stuck to my face.

- Is that your card?
- Yeah.

[both chuckle]

Is that your signature, Beverly?

Yeah, it is. You can't make that!

Tyler, to celebrate, why don't you reach
your hands back into pockets 11 and 20.

Yeah. And there's a little thank you gift
from me in there.

Another hug.

- [Tyler] That's a nice gift.
- Ow.

[Justin] Magic was not actually
my first job.

My first job was chores and I hated it.

And while I appreciate a parent's desire
for free labor,

I think my friends' kids deserve to learn
a few shortcuts.

I hear you guys hate chores.

- Yes!
- Alright!

Would you like me to show you how to use
magic to avoid doing chores?

- Yes!
- Okay. What's the worst chore to do?

- Raking leaves.
- Do you want to know

- a quicker way to rake the leaves?
- Yes! For sure!

This is going to be our leaves.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Fantastic! So this will be our trash can.

- Got it!
- Instead of raking the leaves,

I suggest that you have the leaves rake
themselves.

Everybody say, "Leaves, please
rake yourselves".

Leaves, please rake yourselves!

What!

What!

How did you do that?

- Say, "Leaves, take yourselves out".
- Leaves, take yourselves out!

- Any questions?
- I don't even know how to question that.

What other chores do you hate?

Dishes!

I haven't cleaned dishes since I was 12.

- Lucky.
- I'm very lucky.

And in those seven years, honestly,
I've never been happier.

- Question: did you just say "seven years"?
- Yes, why?

Okay, go on.

[kids chuckle]

Okay, I'll share this secret with you.

First, of course, I need
some dirty dishes.

Ew! This will do just fine.

Okay. So, here's how you get out
of doing dishes:

And don't tell anyone I told you this.

If you clean a knife it turns
into a magic wand

- Dishes.
- What! Oh my God!

How did you do that!

That should not be real.

That's gross.

- Who hates doing laundry?
- Me!

What do you guys hate most about laundry?

There's one pair and you can't find
the other pair.

You always wonder: where does
that one sock go, right?

- Yeah.
- Everybody take off a sock.

- Here you go.
- Great! I'm going to see if in the trash..

Yeah. See.

What they don't want you
to know is that...

this is where those socks go.

I'll show you.

Just get them down in here.

You see what the media won't tell you
is that there's a big conspiracy

between the sock corporations
and the detergent companies,

where they try to make
one of your socks disappear,

so that you have to buy new socks.

- What!
- That's smart... but cruel.

But how the sock companies do it is
even more impressive.

Check it out.

- What!
- Wow!

What?

- That's so cool!
- That's nice!

I feel like I've shown you guys
the most efficient way to do chores.

Great! Well, I'd love it if you guys could
clean this place up. Have a good day.

Better get started.

- What's your name?
- I'm Susan.

- You know what that means.
- I do!

Magic for Susans.

[voices] Magic for Susans!

- Are you excited?
- Yeah, I'm a little nervous.

- I'm going to try to read your mind here.
- Okay.

- Think of any card in a deck of cards.
- Okay.

I think I got it. Susan--
- Yes?

Was this your card?

No.

What card did you pick?

- Seven of Diamonds.
- Okay, I knew that.

- Okay.
- Seven of Diamonds...

Just a wiggle.

No way! That's amazing! How?

- Seven of Diamonds.
- That's crazy.

- I told you.
- Can I see that?

[Susan giggles]

- Touch it. You can rub it.
- That's crazy because it looks...

That's insane.

- Do you want me to autograph it?
- Yeah!

Where were you about to put that?

Where I keep everything.

It's a handy pocket.

[voices] Magic for Susans!
[applause]

[Justin] Starting a family means I have
less time to devote to my career.

Sure, my face can be two places at once,

but my full attention can't.

- Oh no. I've got to go.
- [baby crying]

Oh, is something not working
all of a sudden?

No.

[Justin] The only way to truly balance
work and play

is to get the work done quicker
so you can play sooner.

But is that even possible?

The Myth of Multitasking.

This book says that it's impossible
to effectively do more than one thing

at the same time.

Well today, I'm going to prove this book
wrong.

I'm going to perform four mentally
challenging feats

for four different people...
simultaneously.

For you, I'll perform a professional-
caliber sleight-of-hand card trick.

For you, I will read your mind
using this book.

For you, I will dazzle you
as I solve a Rubik's Cube.

First, take the cube.
Mix it up thoroughly.

Scramble it so there's no way I could
easily solve that cube.

Once you are pleased,

which I...

hope you are.

Good.

Hold the tray so I don't cheat. Fantastic.

All the while, I will be kicking your butt

in the ancient battle of wits
known only as...

Tic Tac Toe.

Hold the board.

Prepare to lose, sucker.

And before we begin, the four of you,
please verify to the viewers

that you are, indeed, real people.

We have not met before today to arrange
anything, correct?

- I'm a real person.
- And you're huge fans of this show.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen,
prepare the clock.

The multitasking challenge...

[Justin sighs]

is about to begin

in three... two...

[alarm rings]

We're going to do a card trick for you.
Take the deck of cards out of the box.

Put the box in a pocket.

Shuffle the deck of cards.

Make sure they're a totally ordinary
deck of cards.

Okay, good. I'll give you a moment.

Turn the very last page and take note
of how many pages are in the book.

Just look at the number
on the very last page.

I don't know if you've ever solved
a Rubik's Cube.

There are 40 quintillion combinations.

The key is to just figure out
which one of those...

Tic Tac Toe. I will go first.

I will do the honors. Let me do...

that right there. It is your move.
Good luck, sucker!

I'll be back in a moment.

Alright, so the deck...

So I'm going to take the deck of cards
and spread them face up here. Name a card.

- Queen of Diamonds.
- Queen of Diamonds.

There we go. I'm going to tear the corner
off of the Queen of Diamonds.

I want you to hold on to this corner.
Put it in your pocket. We'll need that.

Perfect.

Great. I'm going to take your torn Queen
of Diamonds.

We will put it back in the deck. I want
you to shuffle up that deck of cards.

Shuffle it up.

And fantastic.

- Okay, so how many pages are in the book?
- 138.

One hundred and thirty eight.
Think of any number between one and 138.

Think of that number in your mind.
Turn to that page number.

Scan that page for a word
that you're drawn to.

I will move right there, sucker.

Alright, I'm just going to give it
a snap like this.

And your card has now vanished
from the deck. Turn the deck face up.

Go through.
Look for the Queen of Diamonds.

Tell me if it's gone.

You're thinking of a word on a page
and I don't know what that page number is,

but concentrate and look
at the first letter of that word.

That first letter is an "R", correct?

The last letter's an "R"?

One of the letters is an "R"?
"R" is a letter,

but it's not in your word as I said.

- Here we go. Here...
- Interesting.

- So, cards?
- No, it's not there.

The card vanished from the deck.
Your card vanished from the deck.

That's pretty amazing?
I'll come back.

Now, we have almost solved one side.
We just don't have...

Ah, you went there?

Great. Okay, fun.

- It's not going well.
- Nope.

Your card vanished. And which pocket
did it reappear in?

- Neither.
- Okay.

See if you can solve that for me.
Don't show him.

Great! Haha!

- That's game!
- There we go.

Cool! So...

The cube... I need the...

Oh, here.

Yeah, great. I'm kind of running
out of time here. Okay.

Well, at least we'll get this one.

[alarm rings]

[Justin grunts]

Stop this. I'm going to get sick.

- What card did you pick again?
- Queen of Diamonds.

You were thinking of a word, yes?

What page was your word on?

- Fifty nine.
- Page 59.

Queen of Diamonds.

Go to page 59. Tear page 59
out of the book completely.

Fantastic. Hand me the book.
Piece of crap!

I want you to tear that page
in half. Great. Great. Great.

Perfect. And then peel that page apart.
What's inside?

- What!
- The Queen of Diamonds.

That Queen of Diamonds is missing
the corner of a card.

Would you hold your corner up?
Do you still have it?

Hold the corners up to the camera
so they can see.

Does it match?

It's a perfect match.

Now, wait. What word on page 59
were you thinking of?

Phone.

Phone.

I actually wasn't trying to solve
this Rubik's Cube.

Obviously, that'd be too easy.
We've all seen someone do that.

What I was attempting to do was
to complete a piece of art

I've been working on for quite a while.

Would you take that tray? Would you hold
it up towards yourself like a mug shot?

- Like this?
- Yeah, as you'll see...

I've been completing this Mosaic.

It is just missing one piece and one piece
only and it is that piece right there.

Take a look to complete the word phone.

[group laughing]

Good job.

That's three out of four tasks
completed correctly.

There's one task left and that's beating
you at Tic Tac Toe.

And unless I changed the rules
and said I won, I have not won.

However, the only way that this would be
highly impressive

would be if I somehow had predicted
how this game of Tic Tac Toe would be...

before we even played it.

Everybody, stand up on the platform.
Put the tray down on the rug.

Perfect. Great. Get on the platform.

Pull the rugs!

Oh my God!

You'll see right there.

O-O-X-X-O-O.

Does it match? It matches!

Ladies and gentlemen, multitasking
for the win!

Woo!

[group clapping and cheering]

Okay, are one of you standing
on the gas for this thing?

I'm spinning out of control.
This is very dangerous.

♪ I work hard
I work harder ♪

♪ I work hard
I work harder ♪

♪ I work hard
I work harder ♪

♪ I work hard
I work harder ♪

Absolutely.