Magic for Humans (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Christmas - full transcript

- Happy holidays.
- Thank you.

What's your favorite part
of the holiday season?

Um...

- Being around family.
- Yeah?

Getting presents.

See, I'm with you.

Got any money?

Okay.

I'm gonna give you something worth
way more than 20 bucks.

Watch the bill.

Fyre Festival 2.0!



Fyre Festival 2.0.

Wow.

And you're going to go solo.

One ticket?

Happy Fyre Fest.

Thank you so much.

That's not worth more than 20 dollars...

I'm magician Justin Willman.

I spent my life attempting to master
the art of magic.

Now, I'm using magic to master
the art of being human.

What?

Real people...

Oh my God.

real magic...



Whoa!

no camera tricks.

This is Magic for Humans.

Ah, Christmas.

My favorite time of the year.

We all celebrate Christmas
a little differently, but for me

...it's a time for love...

...family.

And...

Crap!

...and miracles.

It's a time for miracles.

And when it comes to
Christmas miracles,

no one does it better than Santa.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

He travels the whole world in one night,

fits down every chimney,

still has time to take pictures
with kids at the mall.

Where can I learn that kind of magic?

Well, according to the Internet...

it's here: Santa Ed Taylor's
"Santa Claus Conservatory."

We smile with our mouths.
We smile with our eyes, and we...

Always have your hands in vision.

Have our hands in sight. Exactly.

Naturally, I had
a few follow-up questions.

Why you think Santa means
so much to people?

It's the love. That's what it is.
I've heard it said before,

that there's a Santa gene in us
that comes alive. That wakes up.

That's when the magic happens.

What's the most rewarding part
about training other Santas?

One of the greatest things about Santa is
he finds his joy,

and a lot of people do, in giving.

I also want to find my joy in giving

so I sat in on some classes.

First up: beard grooming.

Is there a particular reason

that you've chosen the style of mustache?

I like the idea of curling it up

because it emphasizes your smile.

Sure. Yes.

I eat soup with a straw.

Wow.

- Yeah.
- You've got to protect your investment.

- Yes.
- Eating ribs is really tough.

But it's fun.

Oh yeah! There you go!

Lean forward a bit if you don't mind.
That's good. Let me see if I can...

Is that eggnog?

This is my gift.

Damn, that's good.

Belly maintenance.

One of my most traumatizing memories
when I was a kid

is that Santa left me presents but did not
eat a single one of my cookies.

I baked these cookies.
I worked very hard on them.

Just a tip, if you could pass this on:
if he can't eat all the cookies

he should at least make it look
like he ate them,

by just taking those cookies
and making them...

disappear.

- Wow! Awesome!
- Awesome!

And gift wrapping.

I can only imagine the most time-consuming
part of Santa's life is the gift wrapping.

I'm sure he's got the elves to help,
but it must take forever.

So I've been working

on this speed gift wrapping technique
and you are more than welcome

to share this with the big guy.

It only takes about 3 seconds to wrap:

One...

...two... three!

Whoa!

Any questions?

What does it take to become a Santa?

Like what would I have to embody?

Yeah, that's a great question.
It's a jolliness.

There's a love, a caring,

a compassion.

When they step into the Santa boots,

they put on that Santa hat,
they transform.

I feel under-dressed.

Justin,
we wouldn't leave you out.

What? What you got?

Well, let's just see what we have in here.

Yay!

Yes!

It's just what I wanted.

I knew it would be.

A Santa suit!

- Can I put it on?
- Please.

I don't need privacy. Come on.

You're Santas.

- Can you guys help me with the sack?
- Sure.

Yeah. Just lift it all the way up.
All the way up.

Get that suit ready.

Drop it in.

- Fantastic!
- Whoa!

Merry Christmas!

My beard needs a little work,
but my Christmas spirit is full.

Who wants to sit on my lap?

How's it going?

I have no complaints.

I'm Justin.

Susan.

- Oh! Susan? That's fantastic!
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- Do you know why it's fantastic?

Because hardly anyone's
named Susan anymore.

It's Magic for Susans!

Magic for Susans!

- Merry Christmas!
- Thank you.

- I got you a gift.
- Thank you.

Spoiler Alert: they're decks of cards.

- Ok.
- I'm a magician.

People give me a lot of cards,
so I re-gift them.

Think of any card in the deck.

Just think of it: any one of the 52.
Do you have one in your mind?

Um... yes.

Pick any deck.

Any one of the 52 decks.

- Do you want to change your mind?
- No.

- A hundred percent?
- Yeah.

Open it up.

Oh my God.

Now it is a deck of cards here.

But you're thinking of any one
of the 52 cards.

- I am.
- What card are you thinking of, Susan?

Is that magic if I tell you?

Hopefully it will be.

Okay, two of spades.

- The two of spades?
- Yeah.

Before I re-wrapped these,
I went through every deck

and I turned one card the opposite way.

And it just so happens,

that the deck you chose...

has one card the opposite way,
which is the...

Shut up!

No way!

God.

This is so crazy.

Oh, my God.
That's freaking me out, actually.

- Merry Christmas.
- Can you guess what I got you?

- Hum...
- Nothing.

Magic for Susans!

Merry Christmas!

- Yeah, hey man.
- Merry Christmas.

What's your favorite part about Christmas?
The answer I'm looking for is ham.

Sleight of ham!

This is some homemade ham
that my wife made.

I'm just going to take it out here.

Nice. Why don't you just pick a ham,
any ham?

I'll kind of spread them out?

You just take whatever piece looks
the most appealing to you.

Take a good look at that. Don't forget it.

Memorize it. Fold it in half once.

I'm going to have you take a big bite
in the middle there, but don't chew it.

Just take a bite.

Perfect! And then spit that piece
into this guy's hand right here.

Yeah, yeah, just hold it.
You gotta do it.

Great! I'm going to need that a second.
Don't lose that. That's very important.

Alright. Show us your whole piece
of ham here.

- Open it man.
- There we go.

- What's your name?
- Matthew.

We got Matthew's ham.

I'm going to cut your ham into the pack.

We're going to mix it up real good.

Let's give it a couple here.

Look at that.

Real good.

There's no way I could know
where your ham is now, right?

Are you ready for a Christmas miracle?

I'm going to count to three.

I'm going to say "Merry Christmas"
and you guys say it with me, okay?

Watch the ham.

Watch the car window.

One... two... three!

Merry Christmas!

- What?!
- Look at that.

It's on the inside of the glass.

- Bring the piece.
- See if it matches.

Let's hold that piece up right here.

That's all the way inside the thing.
How did you do that?

Huh?

That's your little bite, Matthew!

- Is that your ham?
- Yeah!

Do you have the keys? Will you--

Uh... This isn't our car.

Alright. We should get out of here then.
Merry Christmas, guys.

Growing up in the Midwest,

snow was a big part of my Christmas.

But here in Southern California...
Christmas feels different.

The temperatures are expected to go back
into the triple digits once again...

...A Red Flag Warning
does remain in effect...

...A record breaking
heat wave

making LA feel more like Death Valley...

California kids don't know
what they're missing out on.

Luckily for them,
Santa says there's joy in giving.

I'm going to give these neighborhood kids
the White Christmas

they never knew they wanted.

It's my Winter Wonderland!

Does it feel a little bit
more like Christmas?

Yeah.

This... is snow.

Repeat after me:

Snow.

Snow.

- Ball.
- Ball.

Snowball.

Snowball.

Yeah. Question, kids:

What do you think is the most fun thing
to do with a snowball?

Snowball fight!

You're darn right!

Snowball fight!

Yes!

Just take one for the team, buddy.

Throwing snowballs is
a little exhausting, huh?

- Yeah. Very.
- Definitely.

What if I had a way to throw a snowball

with no effort whatsoever?

And not just throw a snowball,

but hurl it, at hundreds of miles an hour.

Whoa!

This...

is the Venti Splatte.

Want me to fire this baby up?

Yes!

Watch the watermelon!

Yeah!

Who wants to shoot a snowball
at a magician?

I don't blame you. Let's do it!

I've always wanted to perform
a death-defying stunt

known as the Bullet Catch.

But today,

I'm going to do something
much more difficult.

I'm going to catch...

a snowball.

Not just any snowball.

One specific snowball.

What makes that snowball so special?

It will contain...

a deadly rock.

Do me a favor.

Take this rock.

Initial it.

Show the camera.

Remember viewers:

The stunt you're about to see
is extremely dangerous.

Attempting to catch a snowball

with a rock in it, in your bare hand

is not only dumb,

it's stupid.

There we go. Take the snowball.

Let's load it up.

The deadly snowball will be mixed
into a group of nine

and fired at me from point blank range.

Deadly snowball in. Fantastic.

I will have less than a second

to snatch the icy rock-filled projectile
from mid-air.

Even the slightest miscalculation...

could be lethal.

Are you ready?

Yeah!

Alright.

♪ Three to get ready
And four let's go! ♪

Ready...

aim...

fire!

Whoa!

Is that your rock?

Yeah.

♪ Go! ♪

We did it!

Yeah!

Nice!

Just then, a true Christmas
miracle happened.

These California kids

finally got to see it snow.

No, it's ash.

Wildfires are back. The air is bad.

Let's get inside. Air is bad.

Don't breathe it in.

Merry Christmas, guys.

- How's it going?
- It's going good.

You're on Trick Questions.

Trick questions!

I'm going to show you a trick.

- Then, I'm going to ask you a question.
- Let's do it.

- You said your name's Lauren?
- Yes.

Oh. This is for you.

Merry Christmas.

- I noticed you have a nice ring.
- Yeah, I do.

- Can I see it?
- Sure.

- Do you want to see or to take it?
- Can I take it?

- Who gave this to you?
- A friend of mine.

- A friend of yours?
- A friend of mine.

So, hum...

Here's what I was curious about. This is
for you. It's a special delivery, right?

Would you pop the top open?

Inside there's a little box.
Would you pull that box out?

- Oh, this is cute!
- Yeah.

Open the ribbon on that one.

Yeah. Open the top.

Inside, show them, lookit,
it's your watch.

That's a very nice watch.

It's the watch you just gave me.

I... gave you a ring.

- You gave me a ring?
- I gave you a ring.

Oh.

- Take the watch out.
- Okay.

- And er turn the watch over to the bottom.
- Okay.

And er unscrew the bottom of the watch.

Screw the--

How?!

Does... in...

That's cool. That's neat.

Here's your question:

What part of my body is the crusp?

The crusp?

Trick questions!

A slice of ham...

Would you like to see the greatest piece
of art you've ever seen done with ham?

- Yeah, of course.
- I would love to.

Would you do me a favor and carefully hold
this slice of ham between your fingertips?

Nice and flat. Nice and flat.

Yeah, that's good. That's good.

Name a famous person.

Elvis.

Elvis?

I got you.

Mmm. That smells good.

- You smell it?
- It's cooking.

There we go. Almost done, almost done.

- You can see his hair.
- Turn it over.

Get the hell out of here.

- Hey!
- No way!

- Hey man!
- No way!

No!

- No way. That's enough.
- Hell no.

On the bologna though?

On the bologna, this bologna y'all.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

Sleight of ham!

Santa Ed showed me
the true joy of giving.

So I wanted to see if I could do
the same thing

for a group of people who usually look
forward to Christmas for one reason only.

- What do you like most about Christmas?
- Presents.

- Oh yeah?
- I think that's everybody's favorite part.

I set up an experiment to see
just how generous

kids could be if given the chance.

It's a magic gift box.

And what it does is it gives
one special kid any present they want.

All they have to do is ask for it.

- Oh, my God!
- It's pretty amazing.

So tell me, Dimitrius.

- What do you wish for?
- "Minecraft."

The video game?

Okay. I'm sure that's an easy one.

- Should we do it?
- Yeah.

Yeah? "Minecraft" it is.

- You ready?
- Yes.

"Minecraft".

Okay, buddy.

What?!

Oh my God!

- What sport do you like?
- Baseball.

Baseball, okay.

Let's try something. I'm going
to have you hold the box.

Just hold it like that for me?

Okay. Don't move.

Okay. Perfect.

And set it down.

What?

I wish for

a PlayStation.

Okay.

How did you do that?

Why don't you just

secretly make a wish
of what you want to appear?

I didn't ask for marshmallows.

You didn't see Season 1?

No.

Now, Ben, you don't have
to keep it a basketball

because the box is magic.

I can turn that into something
else if you want.

What do you want to turn it into?

A RC car.

A remote control car. Why?

Because I can chase
my dogs around with it.

You want to chase you dogs
with a remote control car?

Fun. Roll it to me.

Okay.

Are you ready? Alright. Here we go.

A RC car.

Apologies to your dogs.

Now that I've shown the kids
the power of this box,

I dropped the hint that the gift they keep

doesn't necessarily have to be for them.

I have a question.

What do you think your mom wants
for Christmas?

New coffee maker.

- Nail polish.
- Nail polish?

Some nice shoes.

What do you think your dad
wants for Hannukah?

Beat headphones.

Beats headphones?

What do you think your mom
wants for Christmas?

- A hair dryer.
- A hair dryer?

Are you sure? It could be anything
in the world,

- and you want a hair dryer.
- Yes.

Easy. We put the Hatchimal
back in the box.

and cover it up.

- You're sure you don't want marshmallows?
- Yes.

Okay.

A coffee maker it is.

A gift for Mom.

Alright, Dimitrius. Give me the game.

And we'll turn this into nice shoes
for your mom.

- Snap your fingers.
- Okay.

Wait.

- Perfect.
- Whoa. Nice.

And now, to find out

if there truly is a Santa gene
in all of us.

Do you want to keep the shoes so you can
give them to your mom,

or do you want to change this
into anything else for yourself?

Well...

I know she would like them.

I don't know... which one.

It's up to you.

I would like to keep the shoes.
Definitely.

- Why?
- Because I-- I haven't had...

anything or enough money
to get something for my mom.

I'm going to give her this.

- You want to give that to your mom?
- I love my mom so much.

Really?

What these generous kids didn't know,

is that their parents were watching
from another room.

It was now time for them to receive
their gifts

and act surprised.

- What?
- I got it for free.

Merry Christmas!

Thank you.

These are great.

- Thank you.
- Say, "Merry Christmas."

- Merry Christmas.
- Aw, thank you.

That really means a lot. Sorry.

I didn't learn until
I was an adult,

that it's better to give than to receive.

If these kids are able
to learn that at this age

just imagine how bright
our future could be.

Do you want to keep that as a gift,

or I can turn that back to a hatchimal?

- Your mom would be so proud.
- Hatchimal.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas to you.

Well, I hope you enjoyed
our Christmas special.

And...

hope you enjoyed the ham.

Thanks for spending
some of your holiday with us.

On behalf of everyone here at the show:

We want to wish you a Merry Christmas

and a very, very happy
...New Year.

Perfect.

♪ Have a very crunk Christmas ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa ♪

Absolutely.