Maggie (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - A Dinner Guest Will Surprise You - full transcript

- Hi.

- Hey, Maggie.

- I will just take a
single jumbo king cone.

- Uh, I'll take two
ice cream sandwiches.

I found if you put one in the
other, it still only counts as one.

- I know I liked you.
- So here's the thing.

A couple weeks ago,
I made a reservation

at this place that's really
hard to get a table at

in the hopes

that you wouldn't
be sick of me yet.

- Oh, well, I guess I'll have to
hold off on getting sick of you



until after this fancy
reservation you speak of.

- Now, I know we usually
like to eat on the street.

But what if we went to a place

with actual doors
and floorboards?

- Ooh, you're taking
me to Home Depot?

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm not mad at that. They
have chips by the registers.

- Well,
you'll like this place too.

So what do you say?

You, me, Thursday
night? A real date?

- If she says no, I'll say yes.

- I was going to say yes.

Ah, yeah,
it's gonna be a good time.

- Don't mind me.



The girls are coming over
tomorrow to borrow some dresses,

so I'm hiding the
expensive ones in here.

Who is that? MAN:
Hey, it's Jeff.

- Oh, Cousin Jeff in
Australia. Hi, Jeff.

Hi, Amy.
Hi, honey.

- Oh, listen, mate.

I've got to run.

I'll miss you Sunday.

- Your mug gets ugly every time
I see you, you bloody bogan.

- Oh.
- Alright.

Kiss that ankle biter for me.

- Okay, I will.
- Bye.

Bye. JEFF: Bye.

- What are you missing?

- Oh, it's baby Eunice's
first birthday on Sunday.

All my family in
Melbourne will be there.

- Aww.
- Yeah.

Hey, it's a big
Korean tradition.

So you put items
down on a blanket

and whatever the baby picks up,
that's what she's going to be.

So if she picks up money,
she's going to be wealthy.

If she picks up a stethoscope,
she's going to be a doctor.

I'm betting pencil,

because I really see
her as an office manager

in a mid-sized startup.

- And what did Baby Dave pick?

- Well, I kind of grabbed money
and I kind of grabbed nothing,

and then I got rich on crypto,

so I guess the
tradition checks out.

Oh, I really wish I could
be there for Eunice, though.

- Aww.

Sorry, honey. I wish you had
more of a community here.

- I have you.

- I know, but I'm not
your cultural touchstone.

I don't know what a bogan is.

- I don't know what a
cultural touchstone is.

- I just want you
to feel at home.

- Babe.
- Mm-hmm.

- Don't do that thing
where you set me up

with like-minded friends.

- Pff. I would never do that.

- You set me up with a guy
once because his name was Dave.

- I did. And you loved
that reptile convention.

- Yes, I did.
- Mm-hmm.

- But he stole a lizard. Who does that?
- Well...

I'm going to find a way to fix this.
- Hmm.

- Voila. Welcome to my closet.

I'm so glad you ladies are here.

Okay, if this is a closet,
what have I been living in?

- Wow, Amy, I feel like
I'm in a movie montage.

Also, are you sure you want
to let us borrow your stuff?

I'm kind of a spiller.

- Of course. That's who I am.

I give. I connect. I take
back after a couple of days.

- A lot of fur for a vegan.

- Thank you.

I mean it. Take
whatever you want.

Obviously, I don't
mean the jewelry.

Guys, help me.

I don't know what to
wear on my date tonight.

Should I wear something sexy
or something spill-proof?

Lou, this is so
you.

- Yes.

Oh.

I hate it when you start dating
someone, you just, poof, vanish.

And then I no longer
have a social life here.

- Looking for a friend?
- What?

- I'm just saying, Dave and I would
love to take you to dinner tonight.

- Oh, okay.

Well, I was just going to roll on some
shapewear and lounge on the couch.

- Yeah, you can do that at dinner.
- Okay.

- Whoa!

- Maggie, that is scorching.

- Oh, I love this. AMY: Yes!

- Wait, okay, so do I.

What if we, um,

Sisterhood of the
Traveling Pants-ed it

and, you know, passed it around
to have the summer of our lives?

Huh?

I thought it was a cool idea.

- Amy, can I borrow this one?

- Yes.

- Okay. Well, I don't
care about that.

I care about tonight, right now,

because we are
having a great time.

Maggie, please.

Please.

Let's not ruin this.

- I can't with this dress.

- I know, right.

- Amy, thank you so much.

I just realized I have somewhere
that I need to be that is not here.

- Okay.

Oof, I know that face.

She has diarrhea.

- Ugh.
- Yeah.

- Bummer.

- Hey, Tony. Give
me three jumbos.

- Oh no. You must
have had a rough day.

I, however, have
had a wonderful day.

I will also have three
jumbo cones, please.

- I had a vision of Daniel
yelling at me on our date tonight.

- Oh no, not Daniel.
- I know.

- A fight. Oh, I
love that for you.

You always break up with
people for some petty reason

before you even
get to the fight.

- That's not true.

- Remember Shawn?
- I remember Shawn.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, I had a vision

of Shawn eating pizza backwards.

I can't have a whole family of
children eating pizza backwards.

- Listen, Maggie, if you saw
it, it's going to happen.

There's nothing you
can do about it.

- I don't want to fight. I just
want things to work out for once.

- Do you know what I wouldn't
give to have a sexy fight tonight?

Okay? Enjoy it. And be sure and
text me when you kiss in make-up.

- It's kiss and make
up, not kiss in make-up.

- Let it be both.
Now go and have fun.

Excuse me. Can we get
a cone caddy, please?

That is mine.

- Oh.
- Hey, babe. Just in time.

I'm making enchiladas
for our anniversary.

- Wait, is it our anniversary?

- Well, it's an anniversary.

- Ha, ha!

What are we celebrating? First kiss?
- No.

- First kiss without braces.
- Close.

- First kiss when you got
your braces put back on at 22.

- No, it's the anniversary
of the first time

we got back together.

- Oh.
- You know me.

Come from a long
line of celebrators.

I got a B in math once,

and my parents rented
out an entire Pizza Hut.

- Yeah, your life ruled.

I once got a B, and my mom
didn't talk to me for a week.

- I remember that B. You're always
an A student to me, don't worry.

- Thank you.
- And I hope you're hungry because...

There's a jar of
peanuts in the cabinet

Um, this is going
to take a minute.

- "Looking forward to tonight.

"Can't wait to keep
this good thing going.

Then please draw a smiley face."

Oh.

- Maggie, please.

Please.

Let's not ruin this.

Hey, it's
Daniel, leave a message.

- Hey, uh, it's me.

I've... I've actually
come down with something,

so, um, I'm going to have
to cancel our date tonight.

I'm so sorry.

Please draw a sad face.

- Alright. I checked
all the other parts.

It looks to me

like your main problem
is this door isn't on.

- Oh, who needs it? We've
always wanted a sauna.

- Ben, I enjoy a good joke but
not when safety is the punch line.

- Yes, ma'am.
- Let me get my toolbox.

Jack! Can you bring me my tools?

He's been waiting in the car.

- He's been in the
car this whole time?

It's been like half an hour.

- Yeah, he loves it.

He likes to sit there and
see how hot he can get

before he turns on the AC.

Jack!

- Why on earth did
you cancel on Daniel?

- Okay, did you come over
here just to yell at me?

- Yes. I already
watched my programs.

Girl, you cannot
escape that fight.

If you saw it, it
is going to happen.

- Tell me how? I canceled my date,

I'm not leaving my apartment,
and I don't have the dress.

Ha!

And that is how.
You forgot this.

Welcome.

- Why don't you wear it, Lou? Remember?
Sisterhood of the Traveling Dress.

- What's going on? Am
I missing something?

Isn't your date tonight?

Shouldn't you be shaving your
legs while listening to Lemonade?

- She's pulling a
backwards pizza Shawn.

- On Daniel?

We like him. He doesn't
wear fake glasses.

- Can we just take the
spotlight off of me

and turn it on someone else.

- Oh. Yes, I'd love that.

- To what do we
owe this cuteness?

- Oh, why, thank you.

Amy and Dave invited me out
to a fancy dinner tonight

and gave me this to wear.

- Oh, single girl
out with a couple.

Tale as old as time.

Few Mai Tais in, all
three shirts come off.

Oh, it is so hot.

- What? Angel, no, they're,
like, in their 40s.

- Oh what, you think people get
less freaky as they get older?

They gonna wear you out.

- Okay. Almost there.

- You know, guys, I bet if you
pull up the hardwood floors here,

there's probably
carpeting underneath.

- Alright. Should be good.

Just open it extremely slowly and
don't close it unless you have to.

- Isn't she great?

She loves fixing things.

I call her the Maria-cle Worker.

Even though she can
see and she can hear.

- Well, thanks so much.

- Yeah, thank you.

- We truly could not have
this dinner without you guys.

- Oh, sure you could.

I mean, you don't need
us around for dinner.

- Jack, don't be rude.

If they're inviting us for
dinner, we should stay.

- You're staying for dinner?

- We would love to.

- Yes.

- Thank you.

So according to this
influencer I hate,

this is supposed to be the
best pan-Asian spot in town.

- Cool. I wonder what part of Asia
executive chef Keith O'Reilly is from.

- Um, excuse me.

Hi. Real quick. Our
menus are blank.

- Ah, good eye.

The name of my restaurant,
Yùwàng, actually means desire.

The menus are blank because
I serve only what I desire.

- Ah.

- The cuisine is all based
on the time I've spent

in several American Chinatowns.

- So you've never been
out of the country?

- No, no, I misspoke.

I've been to the Toronto
Chinatown as well.

- Oh.
- Ah.

- Bon appetit.

- This is so fun.

It's, like, so fun, right?
- Yeah. Yeah.

- I have to make a
quick phone call.

Probably take about an hour.

So I'll order you some Mai Tais,

and you guys just start
connecting or whatever.

- Mai Tais? AMY: Yeah.

- Yeah, that's sort of our drink
when we're looking to have some fun.

- Oh, how much fun are you
looking to have exactly?

- Oh, Amy's got a whole
plan for us tonight,

and she specifically
wanted to include you.

- Really?

- Yeah. I'm just grateful that she
didn't, uh, pick a complete stranger.

I wouldn't put it past her to
look on Craigslist for someone.

- What?

- Sorry, I... Sorry,
I should explain.

She walked in on me on
my laptop and got worried

because she saw me getting
something from another person

that I can't get from her.

- Right. Another
person, like a woman?

- Women. Men. My cousin.
Your drinks.

- Your cousin?
- Yeah.

- I'll take that. Yeah. Thanks.

Oh.

A boozer.

- What a lovely arrangement.

- Yeah.

You know, there's a
place in a strip mall

that actually makes
arrangements that are edible.

Yeah!

Sit with that.
- Huh?

Well, these flowers are
actually for our anniversary.

- Oh my gosh.

It's your anniversary.

How many years are
you celebrating?

- We're celebrating the first time
we broke up and got back together.

- So not a real anniversary.

- Well, that's not true.

We get to decide what
a real anniversary is.

- So maybe we should
decide and not just you.

- Yikes. She just dog
walked you, my friend.

- Folks, uh, these
items that we're eating,

they are really terrific.

What's the sauce?

- Uh, chipotle.

- Right. Family
secret. I, I get it.

- Maybe we should get
out the emotional toolbox

and look under the hood of
these multiple break-ups

and find out what
that's about, huh?

- Mm.

- Hi.

Hi. Um, I was in
earlier tonight.

I was the one with
the pretty nails

and the gorgeous hair
and the whole outfit.

Oh. Well, I guess you weren't
working yet or you would remember.

Um, I'm calling to see if my husband
and friend are getting along.

You know what? Maybe you could
just, like, scooch by their table

and take a little secret
video and then text it to me

so I know they're doing okay.

How is that an unusual request?

Isn't that literally your job?

Wait, wait, wait. What?

The restaurant made you
work on your birthday.

Ugh. Hosting sounds really hard.

Now it's just a
vibe I'm getting,

but are you an Aquarius?

Pisces. Of course. Of
course, you're Pisces.

All the most important
people in my life are Pisces.

You're just like my dentist.

Mm. Wait, you know what?

You would get along so
great with my dentist.

Here, give me your number.

I am going to make this happen.

Woo!

- Knock, knock.

- Saying "knock, knock" while
entering doesn't count, Dad.

- Well, you're
psychic. It's fine.

Listen, honey, do you mind if I
hang out in here for a little bit?

- Sure.

- Your mom got us stuck for
dinner with Ben and Jessie.

I don't know why she does that.
She knows how much I hate people.

- Ooh, how did you get away?

- Well, you know what I did?

I just stood up and
I excused myself,

and I walked up the stairs.
- Huh.

- Pretty slick, huh?

- Oh, I guess avoiding
people runs in the family.

- Okay. I may not have
heard what you said,

but I can sense the subtle
shifts in a woman's tone.

What's going on, honey?

- Hmm. Well, I had a vision

that I got in a fight tonight
with the guy that I like,

and I was afraid that he
would break things off.

So I canceled on him.

- Uh-huh.
- Hmm.

- So you don't have a
destiny with your date?

- Good one, Dad.

- Well, what about
tomorrow night?

- What do you mean?

- Well, I mean, you can't
stay in here forever.

And are you going to avoid
this guy tomorrow night, too?

And the night after that.
And the night after that.

Life is... endless.

- Dad?
- Yes.

I'm here.

Honey, look,

conflict can actually sometimes
make a relationship stronger.

So I think what you need
to do is just jump in

and try this, see what happens.

- I don't know how to do that.

- Okay, this is the oldest
Dad advice in the world,

but practice makes perfect.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Well, you're welcome.

So, where are you going?

- I think I have
a fight to catch.

- Oh, good one.

- Oh, good, Jack. Get over here.

Let me fill you in
on what you missed.

These two were high
school sweethearts.

Cheerleader and mascot.
Not who you think.

Three break-ups.

First time living together. No
active cavities between them.

- I don't think
it's that ridiculous

that I was the cheerleader.

- Uh, okay, well, you know what?

It sounds like you guys
covered everything,

so, um, honey, maybe
we should get going.

You know, that milkshake place I
love is still open, so let's...

- Honey, sit down.

Ben and Jessie were
just getting back

to why they would
celebrate a breakup.

- Oh no.

You see, that's the thing. We're
celebrating getting back together.

Isn't that a nice thing to do?

- I know that's where
you come from, Ben,

but I come from a place where
anything remotely negative

was swept under the rug.

You see it as celebrating
a bunch of anniversaries,

but I see it as shining a
light on all of our break-ups,

and I don't want
to remember that.

- Why not?

- What do you mean, why not?

- Why not? It's our history.

- Because she probably doesn't
want it to happen again.

Maybe. I'm just guessing.

- Is that true?

Jessie.

I really don't care
about the date.

Honestly.

The reason my family
celebrated anything

was because it was an
excuse to be together.

If you want to celebrate
that it's Thursday,

let's celebrate that, as
long as it's you and me.

That's the part I
really care about.

Happy Thursday.

- Happier now.
- Yeah?

- Alright, Jack.

- Oh, I hope I'm
not crossing a line.

Amy and I love to share.

- Dave, I think it'd be
weird if we slept together.

- I think it'd be weird
too. Why are we doing that?

- Because Amy wants to.

You guys love to share.

Wait. Did you sleep
with your cousin?

- No. No!

No.

Sorry.

I thought you got what
was going on here.

- What's going on?
- Amy wants us to get together

because she wants me to
have more Asian friends.

- I can't tell if
that's better or worse.

- Well, for sure problematic.

But it's coming from a
genuine place of love.

- Hmm.
- She just wants me to feel at home here.

You know?

Have mates with the same
cultural touchstones as I do.

- Sorry, what's a
cultural touchstone?

- What is a cultural
touchstone? I don't know.

- Well, Dave, I'm from Reseda,

so I'm not sure I can
relate to the experiences

of a Korean-Australian-American.

- Well, here's something
we can both relate to.

This place sucks.

- Yeah.

- Ugh.
- Let's get out of here.

I know this great dumpling spot
on York. It's always got a line.

- Cash only?
- Oh hell, yeah.

- Hell to the yeah. I'll text Amy.
- Let's go.

- Maggie?
- Hi.

- I thought you were sick.

Wow. You look sick.

- I had a vision of us
getting into a fight,

and I wanted to
avoid it, so I lied.

And I feel really,
really bad about it.

Okay, now you yell at me.

- Uh, okay.

Th-that's a lot of information.

- Oh yeah. Take a minute. We
can fight when you're ready.

- Why don't you come inside?

- Okay.

- You can't just come over
here and say you want to fight.

- No, I don't want to fight.
That's why I canceled on you.

I'm saying we're going to fight.

- Okay.

You know, women have canceled
on me a lot, but this,

this is new.

- Yeah, I would definitely be
super annoyed if I were you.

Especially if I
had a whole outfit.

- Yeah, I also had a whole plan.

The reservation was for
this cool pan-Asian place

with no menus that we
probably wouldn't like.

But I thought it'd be kind of funny,
something that we could bond over.

But then I got your
voicemail, and I thought,

you know, I feel really
bad that she's sick.

I'm going to send her some soup.

And now I just feel
really stupid for caring.

- Well, the only reason
I didn't want to see you

is because I care, too.

- You know that doesn't
make any sense, right?

- Can you just fight
with me, please, Daniel?

Wait.

This is wrong. Were we outside?

- Sorry. Wait,
wha-what's outside?

- Th... Our fight.
In, in my vision.

I saw us outside.
Should we go outside?

- No!

I mean, this is... Maybe
we fight more than once.

- If we're going to do that, we
should just end this right now.

- What is happening?

Maggie, people in relationships
fight all the time,

and they don't break up.

It's called having a conflict.

And truthfully, I think
it's kind of healthy.

- Wait. Back up a minute.

Are you... are you saying

we're in a relationship?

- I mean...

I wouldn't be mad at that.

You?

- I wouldn't be
mad at that either.

- To be clear, you're
definitely not sick, right?

- No.
- Great.

- Thank you so much
for bringing this home.

I'm glad you and
Louise connected.

- You should say next time.
We'd have fun as a threesome.

- What's that?

- Okay. I've come up with a
list of other anniversaries

I'd like to celebrate.

- Oh, first time we used
the EpiPen successfully.

I loved that.
- Aww.

- Aww.
- Great memory.

- You know something, honey?

I give those kids
about six months max.

- Oh, my little romantic.

- I really hope Maggie
and Daniel made up.

- Oh, I'm sure they did.

Maggie knows the family rule. Never
go to your separate beds angry.

- That's true.

Mwah!

- Night, sweetie.
- Nighty-night, honey.

Love you.
I love you.

Shane, wait,
you can't go to Paris.

Why not? WOMAN: Because
you're the love of my life.

- You have no idea how
important that just was.

- Hmm?