Maggie (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - I See a Baby in Your Future - full transcript

- Are you sure it's okay that I'm
not taking you to the airport?

- Of course. It's way
too soon for the airport.

He said, trying not to scare
her off.

- Even if we were married
with a townhouse and a dog,

it would still be too soon.
- Noted.

Daniel?
- Yeah.

- Trunk's full and my
cat's loose in the back,

but I'm your ride.

- This isn't how I die, is it?

I'll call you.
- I'll answer.

- Wow, okay. MAGGIE: Wow.



- You know what, seriously, I'm
gonna need a response to the

"is this how I die"
question. Just before...

Oh.

- I'm off the clock!

- Oh man. This is so fun!

I love that we can have a
loud, drunken dinner outside

and know that our neighbor isn't
gonna call in a noise complaint.

- Well, there's no complaint
when the noise is Louise.

- I just like that I can
hang out with you guys

instead of my weird goth
roommate and her Gila monster.

- Oh, Ben, did Mom drop off
some boxes of old stuff for you.

- Oh no, did she get
a new self-help book?

- Yeah, so she's
getting rid of things.

Most of the boxes she gave
me are old self-help books.



- Ooh, I love vintage
self-help books.

Ya know, I just miss when they used
to tell you to change your personality

instead of, like, honoring it.

No.

- But I also found some
of Dad's old stuff.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Anything good?

- Remember the old tortilla
press he taught me to cook on?

- No!
- Yes! Took me right back.

It's like I could smell
the kitchen. BEN: Mm.

Well, maybe my bottle
caps are in there.

- I know, I was thinking that.

- Oh, we found your
grandmother's manatee.

Amy's gonna wear it on
her face at the wedding.

- I am. I'm gonna
wear it on my face,

and he means mantilla.

- Mantilla, mantilla, mantilla.

- Which reminds me, you
guys. I need opinions, okay?

And be honest.
- That means lie, guys.

- I've gone through all of
these wedding magazines.

I still don't know which
kind of dress to go with.

Why can't I be one of those women who
only has, like, one good silhouette?

- Mm!

- Oh! Yeah, you choose that one.

- Wait, what? Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I just saw it. You
look gorgeous, by the way.

You should have, like, deer
and birds following you around.

- Oh, I love that idea!
Thank you so much, Maggie!

- Birds and deers?

- You saved me 400 bucks
in wedding magazines.

- I know.
- Dave, close your eyes.

Okay.
- Okay.

- That is gorgeous.
- Wow, beautiful.

- Hey, girl.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi. I just want to say thank you again

for the wedding dress tip.

- Oh.
- I brought you a coffee.

- Ooh.
- It's my favorite.

- Whoa, that's heavy.

- Mm-hm, it's mostly Baileys.

Anywho, I was just wondering if maybe
I could get a more formal reading.

You know, to just knock out some
of those details of the wedding?

- Oh, Amy, uh... I-I'd love
to help you, but I just...

It's, kind of, my policy I
don't give readings to friends

'cause it gets a bit messy.
- Right.

Yeah, Louise told me
that you might say that,

so I came up with a list of
several compelling reasons

why you and I are
not really friends.

One, I have no idea
when your birthday is.

Two, even if I did know, I wouldn't
post about you on Instagram.

Three, even if I did post,

I'd make sure I still
look better in the photo.

That's not real friendship.

- I'd argue that's what most
friendship looks like these days.

- Four, unless you're standing
directly in front of me,

I have no idea what
color eyes you have.

They're really
pretty, by the way.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Amy, look, I've
been to your house,

I borrowed clothes from you.

We are friends.

- What's my last name?
- Morales.

- Come on, even the receptionist
at my dentist knows that,

and she and I are
definitely not friends.

Do you know what she said to me?
- No.

- I'm gonna pull up the
text thread real quick.

- Oh.
- I'm gonna have to go a few months back.

Just gimme a minute.
Look at that meme.

Okay, that's not it.

Let me just take a seat
and get real comfy here.

- You're sitting.
- Oh. Oh, is this it? That's not it.

Gimme, like, 15 minutes or so...
- Okay, you know what? It's fine.

I'll just give ya a reading.
- Thank you.

- I'm learning to be
chill from Louise.

- I should actually
probably use this on you.

- Mm, I feel that.

I love that.
- Okay.

- Look, don't be embarrassed.
It happens all the time.

- I'm not. You're
the one who farted.

- Hey.

Hey, what's up?
- Check it out.

I finally got the boxes
from my mom's attic.

There's supposed to be some
of my dad's stuff in here.

Mother.

- Uh, Amy told me about your
dad. I'm so sorry he passed.

- Oh, thanks. It's been a rough
couple of years without him.

I mean, we were pretty close.

- Yeah, they used to go out on the
porch and talk for hours every night.

- He'd always drink a
beer and I'd drink a soda,

and we kept the bottle caps.
It was kind of our thing.

I'm really hoping
they're in here.

- Oh, I love that.

My dad and I used to go to the
flea market together every Sunday.

He really taught me how to see the
beauty in even the most ugly...

Whoa! Old brown ties!

- So weird. My dad never
wore a tie in his life.

These must've been
somebody else's.

- So, you're just
gonna donate them, or?

- These are six inches thick,

and smells like the
time I got my cast off.

Even nostalgia has its limits.

- All right. Well,
what about these?

- No way! Those are my
uncle's favorite dress jeans.

He used to wear them to
weddings and to do yard work.

- Oh, this
smells like a dry horse.

Okay, this is gonna be
my pile... over here.

- Yeah, have at it.
- Oh, cute.

- Okay, let's begin.
- Okay.

Ah, ooh!
- Sorry,

I have that urge a lot, and
I can't do it with strangers.

- You have a lot of rings, so.
- Okay, for real this time.

- Okay.

Oh, yeah, I see
you in your wedding dress.

Your back looks fantastic.

- I'm sure I go on a cleanse.

Ooh, goin'
for a plated dessert

instead of a traditional
wedding cake.

Of course, I'm
not a Neanderthal.

Oh, nope.
There's the cake.

- Damnit, Dave.

- Oh, now I see
you... holding a baby.

- A baby? W-We're having a baby?

Dave and I didn't think we
were ready for that yet.

Oh, wait.

Now your brother's
holding the baby.

Okay, is it Ben's
baby or is it my baby?

Because if Ben has a baby
before me, I will literally die.

- It's unclear.

Oh, Dave's there now.

- Like, what is happening?
And is it happening soon

because I just bought a bunch
of really cute new bras.

You're
hugging each other.

Well, who's congratulating
who? Whose baby is it?

Dad? AMY:
Yeah, who's the dad?

Baby's ugly, isn't it?

- Okay, so I have been working
on this recipe for months.

- Ooh.

- Mmm... so good.

Fun work question.
- Mm?

- Okay, well, I was with a
client, and, uh, I had a vision,

and I would like to see
more of that vision.

To help her. For
her, the client.

- Maggie, to go looking for more
is to go looking for trouble.

Seeing the future is like
TV at my mom's house,

it's best just to watch what's
on and what's on is Reba.

Always Reba.

- Okay, well, what I'm hearing is
that you don't know how to do it.

- Oh, okay. I see you.
You wanna do this?

Write this down.

Get some paper... Come on.

You wanna get ya some witch hazel...
- Witch hazel.

- Eye of newt, a pinch of Gold Bond...
- Okay, slow down.

- Girl, I cannot believe
you writin' this down.

You know how to
enhance a vision.

Just keep your mind clear.

And whatever you do, do not
get emotionally involved.

- I'm not emotionally involved.
It has nothing to do with me.

- Hm, that's what I said about
Reba, but she sucks you in.

- She does.

- Throw this in the trash.

- Rude.
- Mm-mm.

- Hey! Can I keep this?

- Yeah, just throw
it in your pile.

What about this?
- I can't believe it.

Box after box and all I got was

"My mom went to Hawaii, and all
I got was this t-shirt" t-shirt.

- So, are you gonna keep it?
- Aloha, dear shirt.

- Was that a hello
or goodbye to it?

- I really thought I'd
find the bottle caps here.

- I'm so sorry, Ben. I mean, we
could start drinking a lot of beer

and start our own collection.

You know, be one of those
couples that loves beer?

Never mind, I take it
back. I hate that idea.

- It's not just about
the bottle caps.

I, I wanna hold something in my hand,
and, you know, feel like that my dad

is actually... with me.

- Well, you have your memories.

I mean, remember when your dad
taught us both how to drive?

And how to cry to get out of a ticket...
which somehow worked better for you.

- It's just not the same.

- Oh, Maggie's
gonna love these.

- Oh, oh, uh... those are
at least 10 years old.

- Oh, they're not for eating.

Okay, so, explain
it to me again.

- Okay, so Ben was there...

- Mm-hm.
- And there was a baby.

Amy and Dave were there, too. And
I don't know whose baby it is.

- Okay, and I was
there, too, right?

- No.
- Oh, okay. This is upsetting.

- The weirdest part is
that my dad was there

holding a "World's
#1 Grandpa" mug.

- What?!
- Yeah!

- Okay... your dad would be

a good grandpa, but
world's number one?

- Lou, no. It could be my baby.

With Ben. Remember? I
gave him that reading,

and there was a baby.

What if it's the same baby?

Why else would my dad
be holding that mug?

- Hmm, well, it's kinda funny
you're jumping right to Ben

when it could also be a
baby with Daniel.

- Yeah, but Ben was
there, and Daniel wasn't,

so that's what's
messing with my head.

- Well... I'd like
to be able to help you out,

but clearly, my invitation
to the vision of the year

got lost somewhere
in the mail, so.

You're gonna have to go
to literally anybody else

who was there to find out.

- That's actually
a really good idea.

Obviously, darling.

And that's how I became
a very rich woman.

- Oh,
very intelligent indeed.

Dave...
- Yeah.

- Thank you for coming.
- Don't touch.

- Oh yeah, for sure.

Um, a little nervous. I've
never had anybody inside me.

My head. I meant my head.

- First time for everything.

All right.

Let's find this baby, shall we?

- Do it.
- Okay.

Oh, I'm seeing a birthday party.

Oh... it's for a little girl.

- Aw, is it our girl?
- Huh.

- Um, it's a girl.

Oh, you guys are there.

Ben, too.

- Yeah!
- You've got it. Now give it a big swing.

Oh, jeez!

- Oh god.
- What? What is it?

- Oh, nothing. She
just, um... hit someone.

- Oh boy. She just
hit my new knee!

- He can't go five minutes without
bragging about that new knee.

- Oh, sweetheart, no.

It's fine, it's fine.
Don't worry about that.

Here. Your mama's over there.
You go. Go run to mama.

Oh, she's
running to her mom.

Okay, she's running.

Okay. Mm-hm.
- She's going.

Uh-huh. MAGGIE:
She's running.

- Who's her mom?

- I don't know.

- Who's her mom? Who's mommy?

- What child is this?
- I don't... I don't know. I lost it.

- Okay, let's get it back.

- Okay. AMY: Now really focus.

- Uch, it's just
your wedding again.

How many hype
dancers do you need?

- Between eight and 14. Go
back to the little girl.

- Yeah, d-does she
have an Aussie accent?

Does she call me Appa?
Is she a weightlifter?

- Okay, you know what?
Clearly, this isn't working.

You guys are too emotionally
involved. Could you just calm down?!

I'm sorry.

Hi.
- Hey. Oh. Movin' out already?

- I'm just grabbing
some old family stuff.

- Oh, that must be pretty emotional.
- Huh, I wish.

I have no sentimental
attachment to any of it.

- Hm.
- So, what am I gonna do?

Hand down a bunch of old socks
and power cords to my kid?

- Your kid? I
don't know anything about your kid.

- Yeah, I, I guess I should
be like my Abuela Rosie.

She always said, "Hold on to
nothing and eat a lot of fiber."

Those were actually
the same lesson.

- Wait, I'm sorry. Did you say Rosie?
- Yeah. Oh, I love that name.

You know, Amy and I used to argue about
who would get to name their kid Rosie.

- And, uh, just out of
curiosity, who won that argument?

- Uh... whoever has
the first kid, I guess.

- Okay, so it's just a

good ol' fashioned race
down the birth canal.

Okay,
well, uh, good luck

sorting through your past.

- Thanks, Maggie.

Good luck sorting through your future.
- Oh... that's a good one.

- Oh, careful. You good?

- Uh-huh.
- All right.

- So, how's, um, Cincinnati?
- Oh, it's beautiful.

So much brown grass
this time of year.

How are you? Maggie?

Did you hear my thing
about the brown grass?

- Wh... Oh, yeah.
Uh, sorry.

I've just been really
distracted with work this week.

Oh, uh, speaking of...

I need to take this.

- Gone for one day and you're already
havin' phone sex with someone else?

- Oh, no, that is not what I do
for work. I'll talk to you later.

- Hi, um, Dave and I need to
talk to you about some sex stuff.

- Hey, Maggie. Hey, is tonight
the night we go for the baby?

Uh, because we're horny, but we're scared,
which is making us even more horny.

- Uh-huh, and even more scared.

- Oh, I, I don't really think I should...
Do we even want kids right now?

- Yeah. Yeah, if you could tell us what
we want right now, that'd be great.

- Oh, no, I definitely can't
tell you what you want.

- Look, if we're gonna have a baby,
we need to know when we should start.

- And if you can tell us
what to do with our bodies,

uh, and possibly mouths, just in case.
- And our mouths.

- Okay, maybe I shouldn't have
given you so many readings.

- Did your first vision seem like
it was nine months from today?

Did you see any newspapers
with dates on it?

Like, what model
phone was I holding?

- Whoa, I'm gonna need you
guys to just take a step back.

You know, I did not mean
for you to become obsessed.

- We're not obsessed. No.
- Oh, we're not obsessed. No, no, no.

- We just can't think about anything else.
- Right,

and I'm already very, very
competitive with other mothers.

- I dismantled my knife wall.

- Are you kidding me? It
is 1:00 in the morning.

- Okay, it is, like, 9:30,
and it is an emergency.

- What's wrong?

- Okay, well, you know that thing
that you told me not to do?

I did it, and I might've
ruined two peoples' lives.

- Bitch, three.

My god.
- I know, I'm sorry.

I just... I'm in a pickle,
and I really need your help.

Who is Maria Carey?

- The merch guy outside the concert
was not affiliated with the concert.

And speaking of people
getting involved in things

they should not be getting involved in.
- Okay, I couldn't help it.

Maybe the vision, kind of,
sort of, possibly, involved me?

- Hold up, so you let somebody
compulsively look into their future

so you could compulsively
look into yours?

- That is a very accurate summary.
That feels like an attack.

- How bad is it?
- Things couldn't get any worse?

- Oh, they could get worse.
You could make that soup again.

- Wait, no. That wasn't
soup. That was a casserole.

- Honey, if that was
casserole, this is Mariah.

- Okay, please just
tell me what to do.

- You're gonna give them their money back.
- No, they're rich.

- You're gonna keep the
money and buy me a gift

because I'mma get
you out of this.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm. Here we go with the hugs.

M'kay, go home.

- No, what are we watching?
- We're going home.

- Hocus Pocus is on.
- Ooh.

- "Another beautiful morning."
- Ooh! Let's go.

- Thank you.
- Last chance to change your mind.

You can't get any
of this stuff back.

- Yeah, I can't get
a lot of things back.

- Well, you could probably get
the brown ties back if you run.

- No, I'm good. I can smell
them from here. Thank you.

- Yoo-hoo! Sorry, announced visitor.
- Oh.

- Uh, Ben, you should have this.

- Oh, that's okay. I really
don't need a boombox.

- Not the boombox. The tape.

Four score
and seven years ago.

- Is that you?
- Yeah.

I was practicing for that
presidential wax museum

we did in the fifth
grade. I was Lincoln.

- Oh yeah, and I was
Chester A. Arthur.

The parents walked
around the gym,

and they had to make us talk by
pressing those buttons on our bodies.

I don't think they
do that anymore.

I should call and make sure
they don't do that anymore.

YOUNG
This is so boring.

History's
not boring.

- Whoa, that's... that's my dad.

It's our guide
for how to do everything.

¿Qué te pasa?

Lincoln had to be
brave giving his speech

in the same way you have
to be brave giving yours.

I don't know.

He did!

And he taught us that
when we're brave,

good things happen, huh?

Just because you
can't see the past

doesn't mean it's not
there to guide you, mijo.

- I-I remember this day.

We, uh...

My dad and I were sitting out
on the porch with our drinks,

and... that's where
he would tell me

all about his life
in Cuba... the world.

The past.

He's why I became
a history teacher.

- Wow... That's better
than bottle caps.

- Way better.

- Well, don't forget your
accessory, Mr. Lincoln.

- Of course!

Oh my gosh! This
was the hat! Oh!

Sorry if it's
a little sandy in there

'cause I took it to the
beach and... put sand in it.

- Oh, okay.

- Thank you so much for
bringing this back, Louise.

- Of course.
- Really, thank you.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
So, you're just gonna

keep the boombox, then? Okay.

It's not like I ordered a bunch of
cool stickers to put on it or anything.

- M'kay, how to explain
this, how to explain this.

Do you remember The Sorcerer's
Apprentice from Fantasia?

- The hat. That's Mickey, right?

- Yes, that's right.
- Mm-hm.

- Mickey was the
apprentice. Very good.

Well, he gets in a
little bit over his head,

the mops and the brooms...
- I never saw that movie.

- Seriously?
- Mm-mm.

No, I never saw Fantasia. Never saw Caddyshack.
- Uh-uh. What?!

- Well, I told you this.
- What? Who? I'm...

- Heterosexuals! Please!
- Sorry.

- Listen... Maggie went too
far, and I am the sorcerer here

to clean up her mess.

Now, for your good and for hers, she
cannot do any more readings for you.

- Okay.
- Oh.

- I really want to say I'm sorry, but
I'm afraid I'm not allowed to talk.

- You may speak.
- Okay.

I feel terrible that
things got out of hand.

I got... emotionally involved.

- What? Why?

- Because

you guys are my friends,
and what I saw showed me

that we're gonna be friends
for a long time, and...

Aw.

- Shivers.
- Maggie. I know. That's really sweet.

But what I'm hearing is you
can't be our psychic anymore,

but Angel can. DAVE: Mm-hm.

- Oh, I can.
- 'Kay.

- But we need to break your
baby fever cold turkey.

And when you come back to me, you
will not dictate what I see for you.

The universe will.

And my experience and charm
will dictate my prices,

which are a lot
higher than Maggie's.

- Understood.
- That's fine.

- Just so we're clear.

- Angel's right.

I may no longer be able to tell
you if you're gonna be parents,

but... as your friend,

I can tell you guys that
you would be great ones.

- Aw.

I do have to admit, babe,

that I loved how excited
you got about being a dad.

You're gonna be an amazing Appa.

- And you're gonna be right up there
with the best mothers of the world.

Teresa... Superior... Goose.

Maggie, what's, um...

What are you doing
with your face there?

What is that?
- I'm smiling.

- Uh-oh, you need money?

- Jack, don't make her beg.
Just give her the money.

- Guys, I'm fine.
I don't need money.

- Mmm.

- Mm. Mm-mm. Mm.

W-Why do you have that mug?

- Oh.

You know, the orthodontist down
in my, uh, office building,

he's always stealing
my parking spot,

so I stole his coffee mug.

Mm, and a couple of retainers.

- I was gonna make Christmas
ornaments out of them.

Turns out they're
used. Joke's on us.

- Oh my gosh! An airport pickup?

- I hope it's not too soon, she
said, meaning it completely.

- Not at all.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You made a whole sign and everything.
- Oh.

Yeah, actually, this was a terrible
idea. I've had several unsavory offers.

- Who? Who? Point him out.

- Okay, let's go. I didn't
park in a real spot.

- Oh, okay.