Maggie (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - A New Friendship Awaits You - full transcript
As Maggie struggles to offer hope to a client, Ben and Jessie's new presence in the duplex pushes her to move her psychic business out of her home and into a local storefront, where she meets a potential new love interest.
Previously
on Maggie...
- The closer I am to your
energy, the clearer my vision.
You will fall in love.
There'll be a wedding.
A family.
It's going to be unlike anything
you've ever experienced.
I saw myself in a
vision. I was married.
- I'm going to make
a wish that I spend
more time with you tonight.
- I want to tell you something
about the reading I gave you.
What? What is it?
- In your reading,
I saw your future,
and this doesn't work out.
I have no idea what my
future looks like anymore.
I have to let the new tenant in.
- Ben.
- Maggie.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
- I live here. What
are you doing here?
- I live here now with Jessie.
- Amazing.
- Maggie.
Maggie.
I'm sorry.
- Are you thinking
about him, dear?
- Who?
- Peewee? My missing parakeet.
The police won't even look into
it unless it's been 48 hours
and it's a person.
- Did, um, did you
bring an item of his?
- Yes, I did.
His doll. I had it
made to look like me.
- Whoa.
You'll have to give me the
name of your doll person.
- Oh, sure.
- Let me see what I can do.
Come on, you
got this. Dig deeper.
Let's go, let's go. Come
on, everybody.
- Oh.
I'm so sorry, Margot.
Uh...
your bird is gone.
- What?
You're supposed to
make me feel better,
Yes!
not worse.
There's a reason I go to a
psychic and not a therapist.
- Well, unfortunately, the
truth doesn't always care
about how we feel.
- Got to get back on eBay now.
For sale. Bird shoes.
Never worn.
- Custom. From the bird cobbler.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
- I can't believe you have
your own psychic store now.
I always wonder how these
places stay in business.
- Aww, you're sweet.
Yeah, it just kind of
felt like the right move.
You know, I can actually
focus on work here
away from all the
distractions of the duplex.
It's honestly almost perfect.
- Why almost?
Pick it up! Pick it up!
Those love handles aren't going
to handle themselves, ladies!
- I'm next to a CrossFit gym.
Dig, dig. There's no
shopping for a thigh gap. Come on!
- Seriously?
- Sorry.
- This is a great
location. How do I look?
- Whoa, did you get your hair
in your mustache bleach again?
- What? No. The box said
Jared Leto uses this color.
- You want the truth?
- Not from you.
You've got worse bedside
manner than my gynecologist.
And she says "whoa"
to everything.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Maria.
- I brought a sunlamp.
- It's supposed to
boost your moods.
- I'm sad just looking at it.
- Well, I can't return it
because the catalog
already went bankrupt.
- Ah.
- Now, I have a question.
And don't say no.
My meat man's disease-free
son just moved to town.
- Oh, sounds hot.
- John is 30 and
owns a bed frame,
so I give him your number.
- That sounds promising.
Thank you, Mom, uh, but
I don't feel like dating.
I've just tried that, and
it was a huge mistake.
- With who? I
love him for you.
- Mom. I'm not in
the mood, okay.
- Whoa. Oh.
- How about now?
- Really?
- Oh hey.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi.
- Oh wait, are you having a party?
- Uh, not that I know of.
- We're having a party!
- It's a housewarming.
I hope that's okay.
- Oh.
- Of course!
I don't live here, but
I love warming homes.
- Hey, babe, do you
think it's weird
that Ben and Maggie hooked up
and now they're all just, like,
living in this apartment
complex together?
- No, that's not weird.
- No?
- People have to live somewhere.
- Yeah, but it's all so fast.
I mean, do you think that my
brother even loves Jessie?
- Of course, he loves Jessie.
Everybody loves Jessie.
She's like ketchup.
- You guys are going
to come, right?
It'll be fun, and
it won't go late.
I hope it's not
going to go late.
Can you see when people
are going to leave?
- Oh no. Unfortunately, I
can't choose what I see.
That's why I end up having
so many visions of old men
shaving their shoulders.
Yeah, it's a thing.
- I hope that's not why you ran
away halfway through my reading.
- You ran away during his reading?
- No, I didn't run away. I
just saw all there was to see.
- Oh, I bet you know
some things that I don't.
Oh gosh.
I should get to bed, huh?
- It's, uh, 4:15.
- Yes, stay, Dave made beer.
And we also have good beer.
- Oh, but we actually
like unregulated alcohol.
- Oh, do we?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Let's try it.
You're acting a little weird.
- I'm sorry. I know.
I can't be hanging around
with the guy that I slept with
and his new old girlfriend and
her very angular clavicles.
- You might end up loving
her. You've been wrong before.
Remember when we were kids
and you had that vision
of me driving a PT Cruiser
and therefore predicted that
I would be a millionaire?
- It looked very
fancy back then,
and I had no context.
And predictions aside,
Jessie does not know
about me and Ben,
so the less time I spend
around her, the better.
- Hmm. Oh.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- You know, Amy is
coming over on Thursday.
You guys should join.
We can do a girls' night. We
can discuss that hair issue.
- We'd love to.
- Amazing.
Ooh, we can play a drinking
game where we say we're fine,
but then drink until
we admit we're not
and spill all of
our darkest secrets.
Okay.
Sometimes I go to
IKEA for dinner.
- I don't wear underwear
when I try on swimsuits.
- Sometimes I let my dog...
- Okay, guys, we haven't
started playing yet.
- That's right. We got to
save this energy for Thursday.
Can't wait.
- Why would you agree to that?
I can't spill my
darkest secrets to her.
And you know how I
get when I Sancerre.
- But she does hair
professionally.
That's the most important friend
I can have next to someone
who knows how to wax it off.
Next to you, my numero uno.
No, no.
- Mm-mm.
- Ooh. Is that
Bulgarian rosewater?
- Pine-Sol. I'm having
an earwig problem.
Oh, I have had a day.
You wouldn't believe this
lady that was in here upset
about her lost bird.
What she should have been upset
about is her online shopping habit.
- Wait. Margot came to you?
- Mm-hmm.
- What is with everybody?
Nobody wants the truth anymore.
- Well, not the way
you stab it into them.
I just told her the bird ended
up on a singles nudist cruise.
That's where I'd fly away to.
Angel.
- Sorry.
- Yeah. Aren't we supposed
to be honest with people,
even if it hurts them?
- Well, yeah,
but maybe you can start by
being honest with yourself.
- Okay. What do you mean?
- I mean, you're using your
disappointment over Ben
as an excuse to put
your walls back up.
I can see it.
- Okay, maybe I'm
protecting myself.
But... it's because I saw
myself ending up with Ben,
and then it turned
out I was wrong,
which means I was actually
right, and I end up alone.
- Aww. Maybe Ben is the one.
Maybe he isn't. Maybe...
Shh!
- I wasn't talking.
- Hush, child.
Who is the girthy
Adonis you're talking to
at some housewarming party?
- Oh, I'm not going
to that party.
- Oh, you are.
- I have no date prospects.
- You do.
- My mom tried to set me up with someone,
but I never called him back.
- Trust me, you're going to
want to call this one back.
He's got that muscly V thing
that goes right to the crotch.
And this is me
high-fiving an elephant's paw.
- Wow. What's that like?
- It's hard to explain,
but it's kind of like
when two people... slap
hands together, I guess.
Kind of.
- So how long did
you live in Thailand?
- A week.
Yeah, but it was a super,
super important week.
- Yeah.
- I mean, like...
- Hmm.
- Can I interest you
guys in some dessert?
- Oh, you don't want any, right?
- No.
- No.
I would actually love some.
I'll get you a menu.
- This girls' night
hasn't even started yet,
and I already want to leave.
You sure it's not weird to
bring a single tiny cucumber?
- No. Jessie strikes
me as someone
who's really into
water-forward vegetables.
- Okay, well, what
did you bring?
- The cucumber's
from both of us.
- Come on.
- Hi.
- Hi. This is from me.
- You're amazing
for bringing this.
- Is that a Persian?
- Yes.
- I love Persians.
- Oh, hi.
I didn't know you all
were hanging out tonight.
- Yeah. You got to have
girls for a girls' night.
- Right.
Well, I'm, uh...
I'm off to meet Dave.
- Aww, I love it when
you two hang out,
'cause it's still
kind of about me.
- Ah, it's not.
- Well.
- Um, have a good night.
- Alright, Maggie. Spill it.
What happened with you two?
- What do you mean?
- Your date?
The landlord said you went
out with some meat prince.
She was very excited about
the possibility of free ham.
Your mom says hi, by the way.
- John. Yes, him.
- Who is this John?
- Very sweet, but not my thing.
- Well, what is your thing?
- I mean, I'm a psychic, so I guess
I just want somebody unpredictable
who can surprise me.
John was ugly, wasn't he?
Wow. I literally
can't think of words
and look at him
at the same time.
- Okay, Maggie, I love you, even
though you still haven't accepted
my period app friend request.
But I feel like I just,
I don't understand you
if you don't want to go
out with this guy again.
- Let me see.
- Well, listen, there are
some perks to being single.
That being said, it
sounds like a nightmare.
And I wouldn't wish
it on my worst enemy.
That's why I'm married.
- Aren't you and
Dave not married?
- Hmm. Not legally.
We got married at Burning Man.
It was officiated by
an unlicensed wizard.
- Oh.
- He builds Adirondack chairs!
Maggie, what
is wrong with you?
- So this guy lives in the sea,
and he and the
octopus are together?
I don't think
they put labels on it,
but I got a good feeling they're
going to make it after all.
- I got a good feeling
that octopus has
no idea what's going on.
- Ben, love is love, even with
a tentacle. Can't fight it.
- Listen. Um, when did you
know my sister was the one?
- That's not a thing
you know, mate.
It's like how do you know
water feels good? It just does.
- Well, not always.
Sometimes you drink
the wrong kind,
and it ruins the
family vacation.
- Okay, worrywart. See, your
problem is you think too much.
Just feel. Quick, what's
your favorite direction?
- Uh, what?
- Mine's forward and to the left.
Stop thinking. Just answer.
What's your favorite time?
- 11:11. Because it reminds
me of four tiny swords.
- Alright. What's yours?
- My future with Amy.
Wow. That was interesting.
My intuition just
taught me something.
Your turn. Jessie,
do you love her?
- Yeah, I do.
- Nice. What are you drinking?
- A crisp white would be nice.
- Your intuition is
wrong. Two big beers.
- Two big beers.
- Two big beers.
Alright.
What do you think?
- I love it.
- Yeah?
So good.
- So good.
- Yes. Okay.
How much do I owe you?
Um, let's see.
Where's my wallet?
Oh, there's the exotic
cucumber I gifted you.
- It's on the house.
- What?
Thank you.
Who knew having a friend
who does hair is so awesome?
- Oh my god. Are we allowed to
call each other friends now?
- Yeah.
- I didn't want to, like, say it first
and, you know,
scare you guys off.
I haven't made new
friends in a while.
- Yeah, me neither.
- No, I get that for you.
Makes me so upset because
you deserve everything.
We all deserve everything.
Women are amazing.
- What did you see
in Ben's reading?
- Oh. Um...
- I'm sorry. I
shouldn't ask that,
but I've been
wanting to all night.
Um, Ben and I have been
off and on for a while,
so I get in my head sometimes,
and I was just wondering if
you saw me in his future.
- Well...
Oh. That's the door.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I hope I'm in the right place.
Maggie texted me to come by,
told me to wear
basketball shorts.
- Please have a
seat in this chair.
Or, you know, you can build
one or whatever you want.
- I can do both.
- Can I have that back?
- Yeah.
There you go.
I'm Louise, by the way.
- Hi. I'm John.
- Hi.
Oh, is that a Persian?
Oh my god...
- Oh! Oh god.
- Whoa! Uh...
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to scare you.
- Yeah. You just keep
popping up everywhere, huh?
- No more surprises.
- Yeah.
- I, I promise.
- Hmm.
Keys.
- Your keys.
- Don't think. Just answer.
Are you sure?
- Yes.
I'm going to ask
her at the party.
- Well, I should get
to bed.
- Makes more sense now
than when you said it
at four o'clock
in the afternoon.
Yep.
- How was your date
with the Adonis?
- Physically, Helvetica.
Emotionally, Wingdings.
- Tiny wiener?
- I don't know. I didn't see it.
- Oh, well, there's always Ben.
- No, there isn't.
I had a vision of him
proposing to Jessie
at their housewarming party.
- Fun.
I love a tacky
public engagement.
It's my favorite part
of straight culture.
- Angel, why do you keep
telling me to be open-minded?
Just tell me I'm doomed
and let me give up.
I'm not like our clients.
I can handle the truth.
- Okay, here's the truth.
Your problem is you
can see the future,
but you never see past it.
- What's past the future?
- Hope, honey.
And that is something
that everybody needs.
In that regard,
you're no different
than your clients.
- What am I even hoping for?
- You'll know, when it
walks through your door.
Oh.
Oh, I need a Tums.
Those tiny wieners
go right through me.
- I am surprised
to see you back.
- I don't know where else to go.
Jo-Ann Fabric was closed,
and the world just keeps
moving on without my bird.
And I can't seem to...
- I know what you mean.
- I'm just hopeless.
- You know what?
Even psychics need to
double-check their work sometimes.
Can I have your hands?
This bond
between the octopus
and its human...
- I love you.
- Hmm.
Well, I don't know how
to tell you this, Margot,
but I do see a bird
in your future.
- Are we happy?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
CROSSFIT
Pain is a gift!
It is everyone's... MAGGIE:
Oh. Watch out, Margot.
Uh, who are
you? What are you doing?
- Please, don't make
me go back out there.
We have been running up and down
the same staircase
for 20 minutes.
- Yeah. You lost me at running.
- That's where
they lost me, too.
Oh god, I'm so sorry.
- Well, I mean, you can
hide in here if you want.
- Can I? I won't touch anything.
- Oh. I think you're going to
change your mind about that.
- Wow.
You must be psychic.
So what do you do here?
- I'm a psychic.
- Well, that explains it.
I'm Daniel, by the way.
- Maggie.
- Thank you, Maggie.
Maybe, just maybe, this will
get me through the battle ropes.
- Well, turns out I like giving
people a little hope now and then.
- Look, um,
I hate to ask you this when
you can see the outline
of my nipples through my shirt.
But, um...
would you want to
go out sometime?
- Actually, um,
what are you doing tonight?
- I may or may not
die from CrossFit,
but if I'm alive, I'm available.
- Perfect.
- Thank you.
Hi. Thanks for coming.
Oh, bar's over
there. Food's inside.
Uh, the party does end at
10:00, but have a great time.
- You look great, by the way.
I almost didn't recognize you
with your nipples covered.
- Oh, don't worry.
They're still there.
- So glad you decided to come.
- Thanks for having me.
- Yeah. So, what
were you doing today?
- Oh, I was counting trees all
throughout my neighborhood.
- Oh. How many were there?
- Two.
- Oh, okay.
Oh my gosh. John
is so fascinating.
Did you know that he's
found every Waldo?
- Yeah. That was the
first thing he told me.
- Oh, hey, Maggie.
Have you seen Dave?
Not like in the
future, but like now.
- Oh no, I haven't
seen him in either.
- Oh, I bet John could find him.
- Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Have you seen Dave?
- Oh.
- Hi. Uh, thank you all so much for coming
to celebrate this new
chapter for Jessie and me.
There's a lot that could be said
for finding the right
person in your life.
Which brings us to what
this night is really about.
- Dave.
- Thanks, mate. Where's Amy?
Um...
- Sorry. Excuse me.
- Oh god. There you are.
- Dave, what are you doing?
- You're as beautiful today
as the day when we maybe
got married at Burning Man.
- Oh.
- And I'm not even on mushrooms.
I've never looked
back from that moment.
But recently,
I've been finding myself looking
forward and a little to the left.
- Your favorite direction?
- That's my favorite
direction. You know me so well.
I know I have my head
in the clouds sometimes
and I don't always read
your text messages,
especially when you
send a bunch in a row.
But I don't want to go
another day wondering
if that wizard that married
us had a license or not.
Aww!
- Will you marry me?
For real this time?
- Yes. Of course.
Yes, yes, yes, of course.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Woo!
- She said yes!
- Yes!
- Ooh, I did not
see that coming.
- Me neither. I had no
idea he was Australian.
- Yeah, I'm just hearing it now.
Let me guess...
Texting that you looked
for me to say good night
but now you need to get to bed?
- Oh, this is awkward.
I didn't save your number.
What's your name again?
- I need to ask you something.
- Oh.
- I'm going to ask her at the party.
- You were going to ask me.
- Well, we haven't talked.
And it's weird that I moved into
your duplex with my girlfriend,
especially after we, you know.
- Took the D train to V town.
- I was going to say "spent
a lovely night together."
- Oh.
- Which is kind of the problem.
- You're pregnant.
- I wanted to ask if I
should tell Jessie about us.
- Oh.
- I love her.
And I don't want to hurt her.
- Oh, gorgeous.
- You know, I think the truth
can hurt people sometimes.
And maybe it's better if we just
leave the past in the past.
- Yeah, yeah.
You're probably right.
What about us? We'll be okay?
- Yeah, we're friends.
- We're friends.
Good news.
She must see you in her future
if she's keeping you around, huh?
- Hey. There you are.
- That used to be my line.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Nice guy. MAGGIE: Yeah.
Um, do you want to
get another drink?
- You know, I'm actually
not a huge fan of parties.
- Oh?
- There's just something about
the talking and the people
and the talking to people.
- Totally.
Well, my place is
right upstairs,
and we don't have
to talk to anybody.
- Oh.
Uh, well, you know,
it's a good thing
I have a lot of
practice with stairs.
- Do you?
- Well, you know, I almost died today.
- We'll take it step-by-step.
- Can you see if people will
notice if I get Invisalign?
Oh, um...
- Sorry to bother you,
but I own the CrossFit
studio next door.
Have you seen one
of our students?
Scruffy, brutal BMI.
Smells like cookies.
- I haven't seen him. Sorry.
- Well, if you do, tell him we're all
pushing tires across the parking lot.
- Lamp really lifted my spirits.
I think I can make
it to my car now.
Bye.
- He's cute, right?
- Oh. Um.
- Invisalign.
- Yep, people will notice.
- Okay.
on Maggie...
- The closer I am to your
energy, the clearer my vision.
You will fall in love.
There'll be a wedding.
A family.
It's going to be unlike anything
you've ever experienced.
I saw myself in a
vision. I was married.
- I'm going to make
a wish that I spend
more time with you tonight.
- I want to tell you something
about the reading I gave you.
What? What is it?
- In your reading,
I saw your future,
and this doesn't work out.
I have no idea what my
future looks like anymore.
I have to let the new tenant in.
- Ben.
- Maggie.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
- I live here. What
are you doing here?
- I live here now with Jessie.
- Amazing.
- Maggie.
Maggie.
I'm sorry.
- Are you thinking
about him, dear?
- Who?
- Peewee? My missing parakeet.
The police won't even look into
it unless it's been 48 hours
and it's a person.
- Did, um, did you
bring an item of his?
- Yes, I did.
His doll. I had it
made to look like me.
- Whoa.
You'll have to give me the
name of your doll person.
- Oh, sure.
- Let me see what I can do.
Come on, you
got this. Dig deeper.
Let's go, let's go. Come
on, everybody.
- Oh.
I'm so sorry, Margot.
Uh...
your bird is gone.
- What?
You're supposed to
make me feel better,
Yes!
not worse.
There's a reason I go to a
psychic and not a therapist.
- Well, unfortunately, the
truth doesn't always care
about how we feel.
- Got to get back on eBay now.
For sale. Bird shoes.
Never worn.
- Custom. From the bird cobbler.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
- I can't believe you have
your own psychic store now.
I always wonder how these
places stay in business.
- Aww, you're sweet.
Yeah, it just kind of
felt like the right move.
You know, I can actually
focus on work here
away from all the
distractions of the duplex.
It's honestly almost perfect.
- Why almost?
Pick it up! Pick it up!
Those love handles aren't going
to handle themselves, ladies!
- I'm next to a CrossFit gym.
Dig, dig. There's no
shopping for a thigh gap. Come on!
- Seriously?
- Sorry.
- This is a great
location. How do I look?
- Whoa, did you get your hair
in your mustache bleach again?
- What? No. The box said
Jared Leto uses this color.
- You want the truth?
- Not from you.
You've got worse bedside
manner than my gynecologist.
And she says "whoa"
to everything.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Maria.
- I brought a sunlamp.
- It's supposed to
boost your moods.
- I'm sad just looking at it.
- Well, I can't return it
because the catalog
already went bankrupt.
- Ah.
- Now, I have a question.
And don't say no.
My meat man's disease-free
son just moved to town.
- Oh, sounds hot.
- John is 30 and
owns a bed frame,
so I give him your number.
- That sounds promising.
Thank you, Mom, uh, but
I don't feel like dating.
I've just tried that, and
it was a huge mistake.
- With who? I
love him for you.
- Mom. I'm not in
the mood, okay.
- Whoa. Oh.
- How about now?
- Really?
- Oh hey.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi.
- Oh wait, are you having a party?
- Uh, not that I know of.
- We're having a party!
- It's a housewarming.
I hope that's okay.
- Oh.
- Of course!
I don't live here, but
I love warming homes.
- Hey, babe, do you
think it's weird
that Ben and Maggie hooked up
and now they're all just, like,
living in this apartment
complex together?
- No, that's not weird.
- No?
- People have to live somewhere.
- Yeah, but it's all so fast.
I mean, do you think that my
brother even loves Jessie?
- Of course, he loves Jessie.
Everybody loves Jessie.
She's like ketchup.
- You guys are going
to come, right?
It'll be fun, and
it won't go late.
I hope it's not
going to go late.
Can you see when people
are going to leave?
- Oh no. Unfortunately, I
can't choose what I see.
That's why I end up having
so many visions of old men
shaving their shoulders.
Yeah, it's a thing.
- I hope that's not why you ran
away halfway through my reading.
- You ran away during his reading?
- No, I didn't run away. I
just saw all there was to see.
- Oh, I bet you know
some things that I don't.
Oh gosh.
I should get to bed, huh?
- It's, uh, 4:15.
- Yes, stay, Dave made beer.
And we also have good beer.
- Oh, but we actually
like unregulated alcohol.
- Oh, do we?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Let's try it.
You're acting a little weird.
- I'm sorry. I know.
I can't be hanging around
with the guy that I slept with
and his new old girlfriend and
her very angular clavicles.
- You might end up loving
her. You've been wrong before.
Remember when we were kids
and you had that vision
of me driving a PT Cruiser
and therefore predicted that
I would be a millionaire?
- It looked very
fancy back then,
and I had no context.
And predictions aside,
Jessie does not know
about me and Ben,
so the less time I spend
around her, the better.
- Hmm. Oh.
- Hey!
- Hey.
- You know, Amy is
coming over on Thursday.
You guys should join.
We can do a girls' night. We
can discuss that hair issue.
- We'd love to.
- Amazing.
Ooh, we can play a drinking
game where we say we're fine,
but then drink until
we admit we're not
and spill all of
our darkest secrets.
Okay.
Sometimes I go to
IKEA for dinner.
- I don't wear underwear
when I try on swimsuits.
- Sometimes I let my dog...
- Okay, guys, we haven't
started playing yet.
- That's right. We got to
save this energy for Thursday.
Can't wait.
- Why would you agree to that?
I can't spill my
darkest secrets to her.
And you know how I
get when I Sancerre.
- But she does hair
professionally.
That's the most important friend
I can have next to someone
who knows how to wax it off.
Next to you, my numero uno.
No, no.
- Mm-mm.
- Ooh. Is that
Bulgarian rosewater?
- Pine-Sol. I'm having
an earwig problem.
Oh, I have had a day.
You wouldn't believe this
lady that was in here upset
about her lost bird.
What she should have been upset
about is her online shopping habit.
- Wait. Margot came to you?
- Mm-hmm.
- What is with everybody?
Nobody wants the truth anymore.
- Well, not the way
you stab it into them.
I just told her the bird ended
up on a singles nudist cruise.
That's where I'd fly away to.
Angel.
- Sorry.
- Yeah. Aren't we supposed
to be honest with people,
even if it hurts them?
- Well, yeah,
but maybe you can start by
being honest with yourself.
- Okay. What do you mean?
- I mean, you're using your
disappointment over Ben
as an excuse to put
your walls back up.
I can see it.
- Okay, maybe I'm
protecting myself.
But... it's because I saw
myself ending up with Ben,
and then it turned
out I was wrong,
which means I was actually
right, and I end up alone.
- Aww. Maybe Ben is the one.
Maybe he isn't. Maybe...
Shh!
- I wasn't talking.
- Hush, child.
Who is the girthy
Adonis you're talking to
at some housewarming party?
- Oh, I'm not going
to that party.
- Oh, you are.
- I have no date prospects.
- You do.
- My mom tried to set me up with someone,
but I never called him back.
- Trust me, you're going to
want to call this one back.
He's got that muscly V thing
that goes right to the crotch.
And this is me
high-fiving an elephant's paw.
- Wow. What's that like?
- It's hard to explain,
but it's kind of like
when two people... slap
hands together, I guess.
Kind of.
- So how long did
you live in Thailand?
- A week.
Yeah, but it was a super,
super important week.
- Yeah.
- I mean, like...
- Hmm.
- Can I interest you
guys in some dessert?
- Oh, you don't want any, right?
- No.
- No.
I would actually love some.
I'll get you a menu.
- This girls' night
hasn't even started yet,
and I already want to leave.
You sure it's not weird to
bring a single tiny cucumber?
- No. Jessie strikes
me as someone
who's really into
water-forward vegetables.
- Okay, well, what
did you bring?
- The cucumber's
from both of us.
- Come on.
- Hi.
- Hi. This is from me.
- You're amazing
for bringing this.
- Is that a Persian?
- Yes.
- I love Persians.
- Oh, hi.
I didn't know you all
were hanging out tonight.
- Yeah. You got to have
girls for a girls' night.
- Right.
Well, I'm, uh...
I'm off to meet Dave.
- Aww, I love it when
you two hang out,
'cause it's still
kind of about me.
- Ah, it's not.
- Well.
- Um, have a good night.
- Alright, Maggie. Spill it.
What happened with you two?
- What do you mean?
- Your date?
The landlord said you went
out with some meat prince.
She was very excited about
the possibility of free ham.
Your mom says hi, by the way.
- John. Yes, him.
- Who is this John?
- Very sweet, but not my thing.
- Well, what is your thing?
- I mean, I'm a psychic, so I guess
I just want somebody unpredictable
who can surprise me.
John was ugly, wasn't he?
Wow. I literally
can't think of words
and look at him
at the same time.
- Okay, Maggie, I love you, even
though you still haven't accepted
my period app friend request.
But I feel like I just,
I don't understand you
if you don't want to go
out with this guy again.
- Let me see.
- Well, listen, there are
some perks to being single.
That being said, it
sounds like a nightmare.
And I wouldn't wish
it on my worst enemy.
That's why I'm married.
- Aren't you and
Dave not married?
- Hmm. Not legally.
We got married at Burning Man.
It was officiated by
an unlicensed wizard.
- Oh.
- He builds Adirondack chairs!
Maggie, what
is wrong with you?
- So this guy lives in the sea,
and he and the
octopus are together?
I don't think
they put labels on it,
but I got a good feeling they're
going to make it after all.
- I got a good feeling
that octopus has
no idea what's going on.
- Ben, love is love, even with
a tentacle. Can't fight it.
- Listen. Um, when did you
know my sister was the one?
- That's not a thing
you know, mate.
It's like how do you know
water feels good? It just does.
- Well, not always.
Sometimes you drink
the wrong kind,
and it ruins the
family vacation.
- Okay, worrywart. See, your
problem is you think too much.
Just feel. Quick, what's
your favorite direction?
- Uh, what?
- Mine's forward and to the left.
Stop thinking. Just answer.
What's your favorite time?
- 11:11. Because it reminds
me of four tiny swords.
- Alright. What's yours?
- My future with Amy.
Wow. That was interesting.
My intuition just
taught me something.
Your turn. Jessie,
do you love her?
- Yeah, I do.
- Nice. What are you drinking?
- A crisp white would be nice.
- Your intuition is
wrong. Two big beers.
- Two big beers.
- Two big beers.
Alright.
What do you think?
- I love it.
- Yeah?
So good.
- So good.
- Yes. Okay.
How much do I owe you?
Um, let's see.
Where's my wallet?
Oh, there's the exotic
cucumber I gifted you.
- It's on the house.
- What?
Thank you.
Who knew having a friend
who does hair is so awesome?
- Oh my god. Are we allowed to
call each other friends now?
- Yeah.
- I didn't want to, like, say it first
and, you know,
scare you guys off.
I haven't made new
friends in a while.
- Yeah, me neither.
- No, I get that for you.
Makes me so upset because
you deserve everything.
We all deserve everything.
Women are amazing.
- What did you see
in Ben's reading?
- Oh. Um...
- I'm sorry. I
shouldn't ask that,
but I've been
wanting to all night.
Um, Ben and I have been
off and on for a while,
so I get in my head sometimes,
and I was just wondering if
you saw me in his future.
- Well...
Oh. That's the door.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I hope I'm in the right place.
Maggie texted me to come by,
told me to wear
basketball shorts.
- Please have a
seat in this chair.
Or, you know, you can build
one or whatever you want.
- I can do both.
- Can I have that back?
- Yeah.
There you go.
I'm Louise, by the way.
- Hi. I'm John.
- Hi.
Oh, is that a Persian?
Oh my god...
- Oh! Oh god.
- Whoa! Uh...
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to scare you.
- Yeah. You just keep
popping up everywhere, huh?
- No more surprises.
- Yeah.
- I, I promise.
- Hmm.
Keys.
- Your keys.
- Don't think. Just answer.
Are you sure?
- Yes.
I'm going to ask
her at the party.
- Well, I should get
to bed.
- Makes more sense now
than when you said it
at four o'clock
in the afternoon.
Yep.
- How was your date
with the Adonis?
- Physically, Helvetica.
Emotionally, Wingdings.
- Tiny wiener?
- I don't know. I didn't see it.
- Oh, well, there's always Ben.
- No, there isn't.
I had a vision of him
proposing to Jessie
at their housewarming party.
- Fun.
I love a tacky
public engagement.
It's my favorite part
of straight culture.
- Angel, why do you keep
telling me to be open-minded?
Just tell me I'm doomed
and let me give up.
I'm not like our clients.
I can handle the truth.
- Okay, here's the truth.
Your problem is you
can see the future,
but you never see past it.
- What's past the future?
- Hope, honey.
And that is something
that everybody needs.
In that regard,
you're no different
than your clients.
- What am I even hoping for?
- You'll know, when it
walks through your door.
Oh.
Oh, I need a Tums.
Those tiny wieners
go right through me.
- I am surprised
to see you back.
- I don't know where else to go.
Jo-Ann Fabric was closed,
and the world just keeps
moving on without my bird.
And I can't seem to...
- I know what you mean.
- I'm just hopeless.
- You know what?
Even psychics need to
double-check their work sometimes.
Can I have your hands?
This bond
between the octopus
and its human...
- I love you.
- Hmm.
Well, I don't know how
to tell you this, Margot,
but I do see a bird
in your future.
- Are we happy?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
CROSSFIT
Pain is a gift!
It is everyone's... MAGGIE:
Oh. Watch out, Margot.
Uh, who are
you? What are you doing?
- Please, don't make
me go back out there.
We have been running up and down
the same staircase
for 20 minutes.
- Yeah. You lost me at running.
- That's where
they lost me, too.
Oh god, I'm so sorry.
- Well, I mean, you can
hide in here if you want.
- Can I? I won't touch anything.
- Oh. I think you're going to
change your mind about that.
- Wow.
You must be psychic.
So what do you do here?
- I'm a psychic.
- Well, that explains it.
I'm Daniel, by the way.
- Maggie.
- Thank you, Maggie.
Maybe, just maybe, this will
get me through the battle ropes.
- Well, turns out I like giving
people a little hope now and then.
- Look, um,
I hate to ask you this when
you can see the outline
of my nipples through my shirt.
But, um...
would you want to
go out sometime?
- Actually, um,
what are you doing tonight?
- I may or may not
die from CrossFit,
but if I'm alive, I'm available.
- Perfect.
- Thank you.
Hi. Thanks for coming.
Oh, bar's over
there. Food's inside.
Uh, the party does end at
10:00, but have a great time.
- You look great, by the way.
I almost didn't recognize you
with your nipples covered.
- Oh, don't worry.
They're still there.
- So glad you decided to come.
- Thanks for having me.
- Yeah. So, what
were you doing today?
- Oh, I was counting trees all
throughout my neighborhood.
- Oh. How many were there?
- Two.
- Oh, okay.
Oh my gosh. John
is so fascinating.
Did you know that he's
found every Waldo?
- Yeah. That was the
first thing he told me.
- Oh, hey, Maggie.
Have you seen Dave?
Not like in the
future, but like now.
- Oh no, I haven't
seen him in either.
- Oh, I bet John could find him.
- Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Have you seen Dave?
- Oh.
- Hi. Uh, thank you all so much for coming
to celebrate this new
chapter for Jessie and me.
There's a lot that could be said
for finding the right
person in your life.
Which brings us to what
this night is really about.
- Dave.
- Thanks, mate. Where's Amy?
Um...
- Sorry. Excuse me.
- Oh god. There you are.
- Dave, what are you doing?
- You're as beautiful today
as the day when we maybe
got married at Burning Man.
- Oh.
- And I'm not even on mushrooms.
I've never looked
back from that moment.
But recently,
I've been finding myself looking
forward and a little to the left.
- Your favorite direction?
- That's my favorite
direction. You know me so well.
I know I have my head
in the clouds sometimes
and I don't always read
your text messages,
especially when you
send a bunch in a row.
But I don't want to go
another day wondering
if that wizard that married
us had a license or not.
Aww!
- Will you marry me?
For real this time?
- Yes. Of course.
Yes, yes, yes, of course.
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Woo!
- She said yes!
- Yes!
- Ooh, I did not
see that coming.
- Me neither. I had no
idea he was Australian.
- Yeah, I'm just hearing it now.
Let me guess...
Texting that you looked
for me to say good night
but now you need to get to bed?
- Oh, this is awkward.
I didn't save your number.
What's your name again?
- I need to ask you something.
- Oh.
- I'm going to ask her at the party.
- You were going to ask me.
- Well, we haven't talked.
And it's weird that I moved into
your duplex with my girlfriend,
especially after we, you know.
- Took the D train to V town.
- I was going to say "spent
a lovely night together."
- Oh.
- Which is kind of the problem.
- You're pregnant.
- I wanted to ask if I
should tell Jessie about us.
- Oh.
- I love her.
And I don't want to hurt her.
- Oh, gorgeous.
- You know, I think the truth
can hurt people sometimes.
And maybe it's better if we just
leave the past in the past.
- Yeah, yeah.
You're probably right.
What about us? We'll be okay?
- Yeah, we're friends.
- We're friends.
Good news.
She must see you in her future
if she's keeping you around, huh?
- Hey. There you are.
- That used to be my line.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Nice guy. MAGGIE: Yeah.
Um, do you want to
get another drink?
- You know, I'm actually
not a huge fan of parties.
- Oh?
- There's just something about
the talking and the people
and the talking to people.
- Totally.
Well, my place is
right upstairs,
and we don't have
to talk to anybody.
- Oh.
Uh, well, you know,
it's a good thing
I have a lot of
practice with stairs.
- Do you?
- Well, you know, I almost died today.
- We'll take it step-by-step.
- Can you see if people will
notice if I get Invisalign?
Oh, um...
- Sorry to bother you,
but I own the CrossFit
studio next door.
Have you seen one
of our students?
Scruffy, brutal BMI.
Smells like cookies.
- I haven't seen him. Sorry.
- Well, if you do, tell him we're all
pushing tires across the parking lot.
- Lamp really lifted my spirits.
I think I can make
it to my car now.
Bye.
- He's cute, right?
- Oh. Um.
- Invisalign.
- Yep, people will notice.
- Okay.