Love Island (2015–…): Season 8, Episode 27 - Unseen Bits 4 - full transcript
IAIN STIRLING:
'It's that time again.
SCREAMING
'Time to see the unseen.'
Here we go.
Come on.
Here we go!
Whoa!
Lift off.
SCREAMING
IAIN STIRLING: 'We've had a week
of flirting from the villa.'
EKIN MIMICS VOLDEMORT
Please stop doing that.
'But love isn't
just about dating and drama...'
LAUGHTER
'..it's the quirks...'
You've got a belly rub.
'..and the crazy characteristics...'
LUCA HOWLS
'..that also make us fall in love.'
Do you like me?
Yes.
I like you too.
'So strap in for an hour
'of the more riotous side
of romance...'
Oh!
LAUGHTER
'..as we bring you the rude...'
Is it cheating
if you slept with a robot?
That's no different to a dildo.
'..the ridiculous...'
Do birds have willies?
'..and the truly revealing.'
There was three alien heads.
Purple heads with eyes.
'This... is...
'Love Island: Unseen Bits.'
Love Island, baby.
Love Island.
'Welcome to Love Island:
Unseen Bits.
'It's the show to keep
even the biggest super fans
'full to the brim
of Love Island fun.'
LAUGHTER
'Each week,
we bring you the sass...'
# Aye, aye, aye, aye. #
'..the surprises...'
Boo!
GEMMA SCREAMS, LUCA LAUGHS
'..and a huge dollop of silliness.'
Oh!
Please don't let me die.
Get on the floor.
Whoa! Whoa!
Oh, shit! Oh, no! She just...
LAUGHTER
DAMI GROANS,
INDIYAH LAUGHS
'So brace yourselves
as you get to see
'a completely different side
to the Islanders.
This is the uncensored, exclusive,
and totally unseen bits.'
# And start a tiny riot
Stop being so goddamn quiet. #
'When Charlie entered
the villa at the start of the week,
'he came empty-handed.
'Come on, man, you should always
bring a drink to a party.
'What does this button do?
HARP GLISSANDO
'Oh, nice effect!'
Hello! Nice to meet you!
How are you?
Hi, I'm Ekin.
How are you doing?
How are you?
Very well.
I've made you some cocktails.
Oh, bless you, thank you.
What's in them?
I can't tell you.
No, I didn't make them. I didn't.
IAIN STIRLING: 'And by the power
of a wibbly-wobbly effect
'that wouldn't be out of place
in an old karaoke video...'
Cheers.
Cheers.
'Charlie coupled up with...'
Ekin-Su.
# Start a tiny riot
# Stop being so goddamn quiet... #
'Now, we all know that Charlie
and Ekin-Su had terrible chemistry.
'And this unseen bit shows why.
'Sorry, I pressed the new effects
button again by mistake.'
How many compliments do you expect
a day from a guy?
70...
72.
72? I'm definitely not hitting
that quota.
Not even double digits.
But, I mean, we haven't even
progressed yet to kiss.
Would you wait for me, Charlie?
It depends how long.
Five years.
What, to have a kiss?
Yeah. No.
Fair enough.
That's a long time.
Looks like I'm getting old
and growing old alone.
You remind me of that little kid
from Home Alone.
The little kid?
LAUGHING: Who's grown up.
Are you all right?
Wow. Well, thanks so much (!)
WHISPERING: You're welcome.
WHISPERING: You're welcome.
Voldemort.
Have you seen Harry Potter?
Well, of course
I've seen Harry Potter.
EKIN MIMICS VOLDEMORT: Wait, wait.
No, please don't do that.
Don't.
Stop, please.
AS VOLDEMORT: Harry Potter!
I'm actually very...
Whaaa!
Harry...
Potter!
Voldemort!
Harry Potter...
Honestly...
LAUGHTER
I'm only joking.
This is me being silly.
Yeah, I know. I know.
AS VOLDEMORT: Why...
Please, stop doing that.
You're being very weird, Ekin-Su.
LAUGHTER
I actually don't know what to do
with myself when you're doing that.
IAIN STIRLING:
'Over the past couple of years,
'we've learnt a lot about viruses
'and how they can spread
through your nose.
'As this unseen bit
from a few weeks ago showed.'
I picked a girl's nose,
I tried it out.
You've tried the...
Yeah, I picked it.
But she obviously didn't want me
to pick it and I did it.
DAMI CHUCKLES
Did it taste all right?
It just tasted like normal.
Just a little bit salty...
You know that...
BOTH SMACK LIPS
IAIN STIRLING:
'Well, in a twist of fate,
'that unseen bit went viral around
the world as everyone was shocked,
'horrified and outraged!'
READS TWEETS:
'Well, there's been another outbreak
in the villa.'
What?
Woman. Whoa, whoa, you might
actually have something there.
Do you really want that right now?
Yeah.
Let me see.
Why are you doing this to me?
That's quite cute, I mean,
there's nothing in there,
I meant "clean".
OK, let me do yours.
No, I probably...
No!
..cos of my septum!
DAMI MOANS
Oh, you do, you have a little one.
Look at this, mmmm!
You just have a little one,
but it's not bad.
Ew. So tasty.
Dami! My finger's so big, innit?
Yeah.
OK, and then...
LAUGHTER
You bitch!
Eurgh!
IAIN STIRLING: 'Well,
that's dinner sorted, then.'
'There's been a heatwave
here in Spain,
'and it's finally got to
our challenge team.
'Earlier in the week,
they went totally barking
'and came up with this bizarre
doggy-style game.'
BOYS BARK
Woof, woof!
Lie down.
SHE LAUGHS
Who's a good boy?
You've got a belly rub.
I'll give you a kiss.
IAIN: 'The girls had to build
kennels,
'while the boys could only bark
orders while dressed as dogs.'
Oh, this is going to be
a walk in the park, like, honestly!
LAUGHTER
# I make you woof like a dog. #
'Apparently, it was inspired
by what might happen
'if Crufts was hosted by IKEA.'
Ah, this.
Can't do this!
DAMI BARKS
'Probably time to get neutered,
Dami.'
This is something
I do at home all the time.
Oh, I think my hand skills
are very good, aren't they?
Obviously, you know that already,
so...
'She's been tickling his belly,
that's all.'
If I break a nail doing this, Jay,
honestly,
you will be in the doghouse.
Like, he just gets to sit there
looking pretty the whole time.
I'm like fully going for, like,
Wendy from Bob The Builder.
'Bob The Builder had a cat,
not a dog, Paige.'
I broke my screwdriver.
# Woof like a dog
# Woof, woof
# Do it with me
Woof, woof
# Let me hear you, woof, woof...#
Don't be an idiot.
'That's animal cruelty, Gemma.'
HOWLS
CHUCKLES: What am I doing?!
# Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who? #
Bark for me?
Woof. Woof, woof.
Right. Gotcha.
LAUGHTER
Well, he kind of looks hot,
actually.
I thought, God, he looks cute
with his little nose and...
Little collar.
Yeah.
God, I've always wanted to be
dominant and take the lead.
'Oi! I'll do the dog-based jokes,
thank you, Ekin-Su.'
HOWLS
Put your back into it, girl,
come on, hurry up.
Not just a pretty face,
I can build an' all.
I thought, "Rawr!"
"Rawr!"
Rawr!
THEY LAUGH
No, he looks cute, he suits it.
This should be your accessory
from now own.
'You won't think
it's such a nice costume
'when he starts trying
to sniff your butt.'
I think you should tell me
the instructions in Italian.
Do you want me to do the top?
Copy that, understood every word.
We didn't give you a name,
what should we call you?
I don't know, you tell me.
Tiramisu. Tiramisu.
Tiram...
Because I'm sweet, you know?
'Isn't tiramisu a bit close
to Ekin-Su?
'It's gonna get confusing.'
# Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who? #
'It all turned into
a total dog's dinner.
'And if you have absolutely no idea
what the last three minutes
'of telly was about,
because I know I didn't,
'welcome to Unseen Bits,
'where we show you all the HOWLERS
from the past week.'
A-woooo!
CHUCKLES: Wait, it's more a...
A-woo! A-woo-oo!
CHUCKLES WEAKLY
IAIN STIRLING: 'Now, a world-class
dressage rider from Cheshire
'and a fishmonger from Brighton may
not seem to have a lot in common,
'but both have gone into this
relationship with eyes wide open.'
It's funny enough I shut my eyes
when we kiss.
I don't.
Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do, cos I look...
No, I don't.
You do, you do.
When we, like...
Like, if it's a proper kiss,
then I'll shut my eyes.
Even then, look.
No, you don't do it!
I did!
Cos I've looked a few times.
Every sing... no! Every single time.
No, no, no.
When I peck you,
I keep my eyes open.
You don't! I promise.
Yes, I do. I promise.
OK, well, I know if
I've got my eyes open or closed.
OK, after this, we're gonna watch
every episode back
and see when we've kissed.
Yeah, but sometimes
they will be closed,
but most of the time
they will be open.
No, most of the time
they'll be shut.
No. Luca, they're not.
OK.
I'll say it when you do it, then,
and you'll be like, "Ahh!"
What do you mean?
So, every time we kiss...
What, so you're just gonna
stare at me? That's weird.
But you're doing it,
you're staring at me!
LAUGHTER
No, I'm not staring at you,
I'm just... I'm just glancing.
IAIN STIRLING: 'So it's no longer
the "look" of love,
'it's just a glance.
'Before we head to the break,
'here's an unseen clip of Antigoni
sparring with Luca.'
Well, yeah, if you wanna give
someone a head kick,
you've gotta be pretty flexible.
Go on, then.
Shall I give you one? Yeah.
Go on, then.
Do you reckon you can get it up?
Yeah.
I'll hold my hand by my head.
OK.
I'll do a flip flop.
Yeah.
Karate Kid - wax on, wax off,
let's see it.
'But the question
on everyone's lips is...'
'See you after
the break to find out.'
MUSIC: 'Hot Stuff'
by Kygo & Donna Summer
# I need hot stuff
# Baby, baby, baby, tonight.. #
IAIN STIRLING: 'Welcome back
to Love Island: Unseen Bits.
'The show that gives you all
the unaired gems.'
# Baby, baby, baby, tonight. #
'Where the girls just want
to have fun...'
SHE YELPS
'..it's time to shout, shout,
and let it all out...'
CHEERING
BOYS: 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey!
'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey!
'..and you have the time
of your life.'
Ready?
Yeah.
MUSIC: 'Hot Stuff'
by Donna Summer
These two are doing Dirty Dancing
over here. Argh!
# Got to have some lovin'
Got to have love tonight. #
Do you reckon you can get it up?
Yeah.
'Before the break,
we saw a clip of Antigoni
'about to kick off, but...'
Karate Kid, wax on,
wax off, let's see it.
So, like...
Oh!
HE LAUGHS
LAUGHTER
Oh, my God!
That was just the best thing
that could have possibly happened
is that right there.
'Time for another unseen clip,
'and, Sir David Attenborough,
if you're watching, I am so sorry.'
Do birds have willies?
ANDREW CHUCKLES
Must do.
I've never seen a bird
with a willy, have you?
I think they have a little...
It's a little thing that just comes
out of their whatever, man.
It doesn't look like what you're
expecting it to look like.
I've never seen a willy on a bird.
No. That's what I mean.
When they're flying around,
you don't see, like...
So how do they... thing, then?
On other animals, you actually see,
you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Snakes, though, they don't, do they?
Oh, no, it's all hidden, man.
It's all...
Snakes are eggs, though, ain't they?
Yeah, but they...
I don't know, actually.
It's like...
What about chickens?
I don't know, actually.
I've never seen a dick
on a chicken either.
I've never seen...
No, chickens just lay eggs, though.
It's... What's "cock"?
What does the male chicken...
What's it called?
Yeah, cockerel.
Yeah.
But...
I've never seen a willy on a bird.
Even birds...
Even birds lay eggs, no? The women.
Yeah.
I really want to see, now,
a willy on a bird.
HE CHUCKLES
A willy on a bird?
Yeah, I just want to see what it
looks like.
It probably looks like yours.
Yeah. Yeah.
At the minute.
IAIN STIRLING: 'Well,
why don't we ask one?
'Come on, little fella,
Luca wants to see your willy.
'Oh, he's shy.'
'Earlier this week,
'Danica had her very own
Love Island spiritual awakening
'when she resorted to prayer.'
Just send me in somebody
that loves me.
That loves...
That's it!
And is obsessed with me.
But also...
fits my description of tanned,
light eyes, nice teeth.
Whoo! Amazing.
Pray for Danica.
Pray for Danica.
CHORAL SINGING
IAIN AS HAMISH: 'Hey, Islanders.
'Your prayers have been answered.
It's me, I'm back!'
IAIN: 'Oh, it's my little friend
Hamish from Dundee.'
IAIN AS HAMISH: 'Hey, Iain,
'I'm ready to graft
the new Islanders,
'especially Danica.
'We're about the same height,
too, eh?'
Oh, my God, why the...
What the fuck is that?
They fly...
It's a silky little black thing.
It's fucking weird!
They fly.
Where's it gone?
'On paper, we're the perfect match.'
No, please, respectfully, please...
'Just look me in the eyes
and you'll be smitten.'
BUZZING
Fuck off. Fuck off!
Ah!
MUSIC: 'Yakety Sax'
Sorry, it was on me.
No! It were literally fucking
perched on me like a piece of honey.
Fuck off!
LAUGHTER
Where is it?
INDIYAH SCREAMS
No!
It's leaving, it's leaving.
I felt its furriness!
MUSIC RESUME,
SHE SQUEALS
No, cos I can hear it.
Where is it?
It's on your back!
Where is it?
Tash, it's on your back.
LAUGHTER
SQUEALING
Where is it?
SCREAMING
OK, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone.
He's gone.
'OK, I can take the hint.
'Maybe we are not a match made
in heaven.'
IAIN STIRLING: 'There is a sound
that strikes fear
'into the hearts of the Islanders.
'It can strike day or night
without warning or a clue.
'Will it strike these two next?
'Or them?
'Or...'
TEXT ALERT
Ooh!
Oh, Jesus.
I got a text!
Oh!
Indiyah's got a text!
IAIN STIRLING: 'Phew. Thank God
it wasn't the sound
'of Dami letting one rip.'
READS ALOUD:
SCREAMING
Hashtag Damiyah.
Damiyah.
Damiyah!
Damiyah!
'So, feast your eyes
on this selection
'of revealing outtakes
of Damiyah's first date.'
Aw. It the romance for me?
Just sit down.
SHE CHUCKLES
Oh, please.
Why... Why not?
Over this way.
Why not? Go...
No, Dami, honestly.
Don't be scared.
CORK POPS
Stop!
You're good. It's OK.
So... Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
SHE SCOFFS
OK!
OK! OK!
What d'you want to cheers to?
Finally being able
to share a bed together.
SHE CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY
I'm stoked
that we are finally coupled up.
SHE LAUGHS
Why are you laughing?
Sorry.
Why was that funny?
It's the "stoked".
No, but I am.
Are you really?
Communication with you
is actually very easy, you know?
Is it?
Yes.
Very straightforward.
Very straightforward, you know?
No BS. Well, I feel like I'm quite
a straightforward girl, anyway.
Mm-hm.
So...
If you have a question, ask it,
I'll answer it.
Literally.
Do you like me?
Yes.
I like you too.
SHE SNORTS
Why are you laughing?
This isn't the moment
where you laugh.
Sorry.
That was so, like, straightforward.
I thought we were
straightforward people.
Sorry. No, but I do.
You trust me to make breakfast,
yeah? Mm.
OK, tomorrow I'll make you
breakfast. OK, cool.
A nice one.
You'll thoroughly enjoy it.
Surprise me.
OK.
I won't poison you, I promise.
Why did you say that?
I don't know.
I know that's what you're thinking.
I wasn't thinking that.
# It's about damn time. #
IAIN STIRLING: 'I'm sure Indiyah's
breakfast
'will meet all the health and safety
criteria in the Love Island villa.
'So let's see just what Indiyah
made Dami for breakfast.'
This looks so boring.
Shall we go avocado on toast?
Or cream cheese?
Yeah.
Did you not put two breads
in there?
I thought you put two slices.
Just one.
'Breakfast for one?
'Charming!'
'Now it's a little-known
untrue fact that April Fools' Day
'is held on July 2nd in Mallorca.
That's today!
'And the boys weren't about to let
the chance
'of a practical joke go to waste.'
Shall we just say we've got a text?
Just make something up?
Start reading something up like...
Tonight there will be
a public vote-off.
LAUGHTER
I reckon one of us should
say we've got a text.
Say we've got a text...
Go to the front door to meet
your two fellow female Islanders.
Yeah, yeah.
Davide, Davide, you do it.
Davide, you do it.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
What?
"I got a text." Yeah.
Oi, I'll write it in there.
"All boys please head
to the front..."
No, "Please meet us."
Boys.
"Boys, please meet us
at the front door."
Well, please meet two names.
What's a sexy name?
Abby? Abby?
Abby?
Immy? Go, Immy.
Abby.
STIFLED LAUGHTER
What are they laughing at?
I don't know.
You can say, "I got a text."
We can't laugh.
No-one look, all be facing this way.
I reckon we split up.
I reckon we split up.
Luca, we'll go over there.
Where are they off to?
CHUCKLING
Oh, what the fuck's
going on over there?
I'm so confused.
CHUCKLING
They're... Are they gonna joke
and say, "I've got a text?"
IAIN STIRLING: 'So this text plan
looks like a sure-fire thing.'
STIFLED LAUGHTER
'But what I'm sure you all
want to know is...'
Ready?
'Find out after this short break.'
IAIN STIRLING: 'Welcome back
to Love Island: Unseen Bits.'
# I've been waiting
For a lifeline from you... #
'If you've been waiting
for more exclusive unseen gems,
'you might have to wait
a little bit longer.'
Them tables are goin'.
They're gonna go.
Ooh... How are they not...
Here we go, here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.
Come on, then. Come on.
They are. They are gonna go.
Ooooh!
Here we go. That's a big one.
That's a big gust.
Oh!
IAIN: 'Don't worry,
we'll make a big splash
'and have you clucking for more.'
I'm sorry, but what is
this weather like? Seriously,
I feel like I'm a roast chicken.
THEY CLUCK
Whoa! Fuckin' hell,
that bird went literally...
Cos you went, "cluck, cluck, cluck",
probably thought
you were a chicken, babe.
No, that was too much.
# I've been waiting
For a lifeline from you... #
Oh!
IAIN: 'So let us dish you up
the best of the rest.'
# You're all I need. #
IAIN: 'Before the break,
we saw the boys getting ready
'to prank the girls.
'But you were left asking...'
'Just don't act suspicious, boys.'
THEY GIGGLE
I think the boys
are planning something.
What d'you mean?
I reckon they're gonna do,
"I've got a text."
A joke saying, "I've got a text."
And pretend that they have a text.
Guys, I've got a text!
THEY LAUGH
No way!
"Hi, boys, please meet Abby and Immy
at the front door.
"Hashtag, too many girls."
THEY LAUGH
It's so obvious!
Oh, this is a joke.
Do you reckon they believed it
or not? Yeah.
What did it say? The text?
The boys, go meet the two new girls
at the front door,
Imogen and someone.
It's not real.
I heard them fuckin' plan it.
Oi, Davide, get this on.
Take your top off.
SHE GASPS
I know what they're gonna do.
One of them is gonna dress up
as a girl.
Stop it.
No, they're not.
It's way too late at night for that.
Guys, I'm breaking it.
THEY LAUGH
One of them's gonna put
hair extensions in...
I can see it.
..walk down in our outfit...
We're good.
Heels. You need heels on.
You need heels on for the noise.
..put heels on and go,
"Hi, I'm Imogen!"
That would be quite funny.
I hope they do that.
You need to go, "Hey, girls."
"Hey, girls", like that.
I can hear their voices.
THEY LAUGH
DAVIDE: How the fuck do they walk
on these things?
THEY LAUGH
Hey, girls.
Is there anyone in the villa?
LAUGHTER
Hey!
LAUGHTER
Ekin, you were right!
Anyone was expecting it?
I can't remember.
Oh, my God!
Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Charlie.
I'm Abby.
LAUGHTER
What's your type, Abby?
I don't like blondes.
LAUGHTER
I don't really have a type.
Top three. Top three. Top three.
Davide.
LAUGHTER
IAIN STIRLING: 'One thing about
being in the villa,
'is that it gives our Islanders
a chance to mull over
'all of life's big questions.
'Doesn't it, Jacques?'
Would you rather have eight arms
or eight legs?
Eight arms.
Eight arms.
Yeah, but imagine how fast you'd be
with eight legs.
Yeah, you'd be rapid.
You wouldn't be able
to wear a cute dress. Yeah.
I mean, if you've got eight arms,
you're gonna look cute
in a dress as well, aren't ya?
THEY LAUGH
I think it makes a difference.
You'd look better, though.
But you could maybe hide them
a bit more.
And you've got more hands
for manicures.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Tasha!
She's just thinking of the bits
she can do with all her extra hands.
She's thinking about
the beauty salon, mate. Yeah.
But you might need to close yours
for repairs soon.
SHE LAUGHS
Would you rather have
your fingers as toes
or your toes as fingers?
Erm... I'd rather how they are now,
to be honest.
SHE LAUGHS
Would you wanna change sex
for the day?
No.
I would love that.
Yeah, do you know what, just to get
in women's head for one day.
Just to... Just to see
what shit you come up with.
Yeah, I'd like to be in a guy's.
Yeah, I'd be a guy for a day.
Yeah, 100%.
I'd love to see
how you use your...
dingy.
Why is it always sex-related
with you?
What do you mean?
You just always...
It would be interesting to see
what it felt like to wee out of one.
That's what I mean!
Going to the toilet
cos you guys stand up.
And, like, how in day-to-day life,
like, do you feel it
when you're walking,
when you sit down,
do you have to like...
No, you just feel it
when you wake up in the morning.
Sticking out your shorts.
SHE LAUGHS
IAIN: 'Yes, we know, Jacques.
'Our night-vision camera guys
are all traumatised!'
SONG: 'Feel It'
by Hayley May
# Won't waste my love any more
If you let me know... #
IAIN: 'Earlier this week,
we saw the return
'of a Love Island classic -
the Heart Rate Challenge,
'which, if you ask me,
'should be called
the "Hen Do Challenge".
'It's great TV,
so any wannabe producers out there,
'watch and learn.
'It's amazing
the results you can get
'with a fancy dress box
and sun-drenched Islanders...'
THEY CHEER
'..as these exclusive unseen bits
from backstage prove.'
THEY CHATTER
I'm Luca. Whoo!
Tasha, you actually look like
a Barbie. Do I?
Nah, what's the one
where they're like...
Oh, my God. Paige. Paige!
What?! Are you gonna do it,
like, side on?
Oh, OK, yeah.
That is very... Yeah.
Is it?
It's fine.
Where are you getting
all these moves from? Fuck me!
I like my weekends, all right?
Ooh, OK!
You gotta go for the weak ones.
So, who do you think's
gonna crumble quickly...
Do the most on someone who you
think's going to crumble quick.
SHE SINGS SEDUCTIVELY
SHE SQUEALS
I'm crumbling. The fuck?!
Is this gonna be yours and Charlie's
first kiss, Ekin?
Who said I was kissing Charlie,
babe?
SONG: 'Kings And Queens'
by Ava Max
# To all of the queens
Who are fighting along... #
IAIN: 'Ooh, but you did
kiss Charlie, didn't you?
'And Davide...
'Oh, and Jay.
'This is some wedding!
'But the boys aren't gonna
let the girls
'make their own entertainment.
'Davide eventually stripped off
his costume...'
THEY CHEER AND WHISTLE
'..for the boys!'
# Baby, you're not dancing
On your own... #
GIRLS CHATTER
BOYS CHEER
IAIN: 'I'd quit while you're ahead,
Davide!
'They say
that artificial intelligence
'will eventually outwit humans
and take over the world.
'But judging by the intelligence
on display in this next unseen clip,
'it's gonna happen much sooner
than we thought.
Have you seen those robots that are
like humans, that China make? Yeah.
They're fucking scary...
Some of them are great partners
as well. ..and they talk.
Human robots, yeah.
I wouldn't mind one in my house.
Is it cheating if you sleep
with a robot? No.
Yeah, I think it is.
What did you say?
Is it cheating if you
slept with a robot? What?
Yeah, like a real, lifelike robot,
like a humanish one.
It's no different to a dildo.
Yeah, human robot, true.
So you're cheating, are you?
No. No, I was...
How is a dildo cheating?
A human robot
that looks like a woman,
has boobs, a full-on body,
emotions, everything else.
And it has emotions,
it talks to you, it knows you.
Yeah, that's cheating.
Consciousness built into it.
Yeah. It's just a robot.
Yeah.
No, that is definitely cheating.
I feel like it's more like,
it's probably nicer for you guys
than it is for us.
More of a guy thing.
Yeah, because with us,
there's no movement.
What if you could actually get
a male sex doll to do
what you wanted it to do,
like listen to you?
I'd love that.
And he lasts as long
as you want him to last?
Oh, my God, that's a dream
come true. Where is he?
I don't actually... If I'm single,
I'm desperate, probably.
Would you fall in love
with a human robot?
Would you actually... If the robot
gave you everything you wanted,
affection, sex, love.
Was intelligent.
If you gave me affection and love...
She can't give me kids.
So that's the whole...
If it gave you kids as well.
How can a robot give you kids?
Babe, technology.
THEY LAUGH
IAIN STIRLING, IN ROBOTIC VOICE:
'I've been grafting for Unseen Bits
'all week and I can confirm
the only type on paper I like
'is Comic Sans and, yes,
I have been putting all my data
'into one hard drive.'
'OK, unseen clip fanciers,
another fix of your favourite tipple
'and it's Ekin-Su causing a ripple.'
No, come on, Ekin. Ekin. One job.
OK.
I'm gonna stop.
Well, you didn't do that much.
I'm sorry, one sec.
You didn't do that much at all.
Are you sure?
Yeah. It's fine.
You should worry about me.
It's on me.
How do you mean, about you?
All over me?
Oh, for fuck's sake, Davide,
it's not all about you, OK?
If you put soap on me,
why I should be worry about you?
It's called an accident.
Yeah, in fact I didn't shout at you.
But why I should be worried
about you, if you put soap on me?
I'm gonna put this
all over your head soon.
You just say
it's not only about you.
Just shut up, it's not...
You should be worried about me.
Yeah, I did worry,
and then you're like...
what about me, I'm wearing white!
Why I should be worried about you?
I'm wearing white, I'm wearing
white, I'm wearing white.
Yeah, but you put the soap over me.
Davide, shut up.
OK, you know what?
SHE LAUGHS
Now, if I throw you in the pool?
No! No, no, no, you're not.
No, no, no, you're not.
IAIN STIRLING: 'Time to give you lot
at home the chance to win
'an epic £50,000, plus...
'start planning that dream holiday
as you could be jetting off
'on the trip of a lifetime.
'Yep, courtesy of Vibe
by Jet2 holidays,
'you'll be getting up to £6,000
to book a fantastic holiday
'and you can take five pals along.
'Plus, you'll have two years
to take it.
'Don't forget, there's that tax-free
50K waiting for you at home.
'For your chance to win the lot,
there's no grafting involved.
'Just...'
# I was made
For loving you, baby... #
IAIN STIRLING:
'Welcome back to the final part
'of Love Island: Unseen Bits,
'where you get a personal guided
tour of everyone's favourite villa.'
Look. Look where you are, Nells.
Love Island, baby!
# Love Island. #
O-o-ooh.
IAIN STIRLING: 'A place where you
can be forced to take the plunge...'
SHE SQUEALS
Oh, my God! Charlie!
LAUGHTER
IAIN STIRLING: '..and start
to feel the rumblings of love.'
Do you reckon it'd give them the ick
if you farted in front of them?
Have you done it?
No.
She says I'm allowed now.
Huh?
She says I'm allowed.
She says you're allowed?
Yeah, to fart.
But I haven't done it.
Indiyah said you're allowed to fart?
Yeah, she says if I have to do it,
it's calm.
Like, she doesn't want me to,
but I can do it.
That's quite a big step.
Innit?
That is a very big step.
I'm still shy.
Can't... Can't do it yet.
LENGTHY FART
LAUGHTER
See what I mean?
What the fuck?
Can't do that.
I can't believe how loud you fart.
X-FILES THEME MUSIC
IAIN STIRLING: 'In 2022,
the FBI reopened the files
'of extra-terrestrial activity
in Mallorca.
'They tried to bring
Mulder and Scully over here,
'but instead settled for
Ekin-Su and Davide.
'Who, weirdly,
have the same sexual chemistry
'as the X-Files investigators.'
There's no stars tonight.
There's nothing.
No, there is.
Where?
I can see one.
Oh, one. Yeah.
And an... Oh, my God, I thought
that was a fucking UFO then!
It's a plane.
Yeah. Do you believe in aliens?
Yeah, I do.
So do I! Have you seen one?
No.
I have. When?
When I was 22. In my home.
What do you mean, you saw...
Can I tell you the story?
Yeah.
So, I was in my room
with my little brother.
We were just chilling. And there
was, like, news, flashing news,
like, people were spotting UFOs.
We were like, "Come on!"
Looked out my window,
there was a white circle, a disc.
It was like... "Whoo!"
It, like, disappeared -
like, the lights.
Maybe it was a...
No, no, it was a few of them.
And then my cousin
FaceTimed me from Turkey.
I opened FaceTime -
there was three alien heads
interfering my fucking FaceTime.
Purple heads, three of them,
with eyes.
I screenshotted it
and sent it to BBC News.
To say, "Look,
I've been invaded by aliens
"at the same time
they saw the UFOs."
When you had the screenshot,
they were on the phone?
No. Like, you know if
you're FaceTiming a friend? Yeah.
Sometimes the Internet connection
goes, and it goes, like,
grey or fuzzy, like, da-da-da?
No, that's in the film,
not in the reality.
I swear to God, I swear on
my little brother's life -
he's not here, but...
Maybe you were drunk.
I was sober.
OK. Well, maybe you saw them.
I saw a ghost. I saw an alien.
Everything happens to me,
for fuck's sake.
Fucking hell.
Maybe I'm an alien, Davide.
Maybe.
You're sitting next to one
right now.
Probably.
Stop it!
X-FILES THEME MUSIC
IAIN STIRLING:
'The truth is out there.
'Well, in there.'
IAIN STIRLING:
'Our Islanders love a good moan,
'as this next unseen clip shows.'
When I'm having an orgasm,
I literally scream.
Really?
Yeah. What, like what?
SHE MOANS: "Ah!"
Like, you know what I mean?
I just, like, "Ah!"
Andrew's getting a boner
while you're saying that!
LAUGHTER
Oh, yeah!
Fucking hell.
I reckon Ekin's got
the facials as well. Who, Ekin?
I have been told that. Yeah,
eyes rolling back for no reason.
Show some facials.
I know you have them on lock.
No, I can't, I can't.
You're an actor. Come on, man.
I know you got some on lock.
I just do it like I'm having a shit,
that does it for me.
Oh, God.
What?! That's your orgasm face?
I'd pull up my pants and run away,
man, honestly. I'm gone.
I'm sprinting out of that room.
LAUGHTER
Go on, Ekin, what are you doing?
DRAMATICALLY: "Oh!"
Fucking hell.
Oh, OK.
What, is that actually your noise?
No! Oh.
DAMI PANTS DRAMATICALLY
INDIYAH: Oh, please stop it!
Oh, my God, what's that?!
LAUGHTER
That's what girls do, though.
What the fuck?!
Dami, you do it so good.
What's that, during sex?
Dami, that even turned me on, mate.
I thought that is what they do, man,
isn't it? They start vibrating.
And the legs are shaking. "Ah!"
LAUGHING: "Legs start vibrating"!
Guys are like this. Guys go...
DEEP VOICE: "Oh. Oh. Oh."
LAUGHTER
"Oh! Oh!"
Yeah, guys are like that.
GEMMA: What would you do, Andrew?
To be fair, I don't really make too
much noise. I'm just like, "Fuck!"
Yeah, just being quiet.
What, do you just say, "Fuck"?
Yeah, I'm literally just like,
"Fu-u-uck!"
LAUGHTER
And then after we're done,
I'm like, "Ah. That was amazing."
IAIN STIRLING:
'Towards the end of the week,
'we saw Ekin-Su and Davide
both put their foot in it
'as they went for
their first date together.
'But to stop you all
getting sour grapes,
'here are some bits
that you didn't get to see.'
Cheesy grapes, anyone?
How much...
SQUELCHING
Gonna take all my stress out,
of the past week with you.
LAUGHTER
Everything that's happened, release!
SQUELCHING
SHE LAUGHS
You see?
Now you should
wash your feet first. Huh?
Now the wine is gonna be ruined.
Just shut up, Davide. Carry on.
HE LAUGHS
Make a rose,
just mix the white with the...
You mean Turkish and Italian
mixed together makes...?
I don't know what it makes, but...
Do you think if I drank that,
I'd get drunk?
Yeah, if you drink all of it, yeah.
Shall I try?
Just tastes like feet.
THEY LAUGH
How is Turkish food, actually?
You've never had Turkish food?
No.
Seafood is really famous.
Like, from the sea.
We have fish all the time.
Yeah. Do you go fishing?
Salads. Yeah, all the time,
with my uncle.
I was fishing as well
when I was younger. Really?!
Yeah, I love to fish.
Aw! So do I.
Maybe you could catch me.
I already caught you.
Davide!
Do you think your dad would like me?
He's gonna just say, "Yes.
As soon as you're happy, I'm happy."
My mum is gonna analyse you
a bit more.
My mum's a counsellor, mate,
she's gonna analyse you to a tee.
There's nothing to analyse here,
babe.
She's gonna be like, "Right,
is this guy gonna hurt my daughter?
"Is this guy selfish?
Is this guy all about himself?"
THEY LAUGH
It's karma, baby.
SHE LAUGHS
My mum would like you,
as long as you make me happy.
I know she will like me.
Usually, the mums like me, you know?
The best thing I like about you...
Uh-huh?
..is you're cute, unique smile
and your laugh.
When you go...
IMITATES DAVIDE LAUGHING
Yeah, yeah.
I've got a nice smile, maybe.
I don't care about the abs, Davide.
I told you this.
Also, because I have lots now, so...
Oh, my God!
THEY LAUGH
See? that's really cute.
I mean, you know,
I think you are a beautiful girl,
and I think you are very smart
and intelligent.
You sometimes scare me,
but, at the same time,
I know that I've got a strong woman.
And you're near me.
I've good taste.
I know you've got good taste.
HE LAUGHS
IAIN STIRLING: 'Now we have
squashed all the grapes,
'hopefully,
there will be no more "whining".'
# Don't let me down
Down, down, down... #
GAME SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
IAIN: 'Yes, it's time, folks,
for that Unseen Bits classic.
'Lights, camera, action.
'It's...'
No! Oh, no! What is it?
IAIN: 'This week, I asked
what grosses you out?'
Ooh...
I dunno. I think
when you're in the fish trade,
there's not a lot. Erm...
Oh, you ain't gotta ask me twice.
When people burp out loud around me.
Mushrooms, man.
Mushrooms gross me out.
The bins as well.
When you have that smell
from the bins.
Like, all the food waste in the bin.
Eurgh!
The mushroom pus, or whatever it is,
the water that just comes out,
the texture.
Eurgh! Eurgh. Huh.
Phlegm.
SHE HEAVES
Like, stop. I can't.
I'm gone. Eurgh.
Mayonnaise.
Have you ever seen somebody
projectile phlegm
through their nostrils?
Oh! When I say I nearly passed out,
I nearly needed a paramedic myself.
Bogies in guys' noses.
And... small hands
and stinky breath.
Eurgh! Bleurgh! No... Bad breath.
I hate it.
Oh, someone's like sweating near me,
or, like, smells,
or like wears the same cl...
I fucking hate it. I hate it.
There is nothing worse
than literally speaking to someone
and it's literally
just being like...
The leftover food in the sink...
Like... Eurgh!
Long fingernails on a man.
SHE RETCHES
No!
The thing that grosses me the most
in the villa
has been Ekin-Su behaviour.
Ekin-Su...
And food's a big thing to me.
She will bite...
take a bite out of a cookie...
She'll munch all over it,
slobber all over it,
and then put that same cookie
back in the cookie jar
with all the other cookies.
Like someone's meant to
finish it off.
You do the same thing,
I'm just honest.
If I see, like, a hair in the bed
or in the shower, it freaks me out.
Girls' dressing room.
Honestly, I know
we're used to bombshells in here,
but it genuinely looks like
a bomb's dropped in there.
When I say, like, the hair
that freaks me out, it's pubes.
Probably the outside toilet
where all the boys shit,
I'm not gonna lie.
The toilets.
When guys go for their number twos.
And somebody's left skidmarks
all around the toilet...
Dirty pig!
There's definitely some skiddies.
Also some piss stains.
Everybody doesn't know who did it,
apparently.
But I can promise, it's never me.
It's nasty!
GAME SHOW MUSIC RESUMES
IAIN: 'That's it for...
'It's that time again.
SCREAMING
'Time to see the unseen.'
Here we go.
Come on.
Here we go!
Whoa!
Lift off.
SCREAMING
IAIN STIRLING: 'We've had a week
of flirting from the villa.'
EKIN MIMICS VOLDEMORT
Please stop doing that.
'But love isn't
just about dating and drama...'
LAUGHTER
'..it's the quirks...'
You've got a belly rub.
'..and the crazy characteristics...'
LUCA HOWLS
'..that also make us fall in love.'
Do you like me?
Yes.
I like you too.
'So strap in for an hour
'of the more riotous side
of romance...'
Oh!
LAUGHTER
'..as we bring you the rude...'
Is it cheating
if you slept with a robot?
That's no different to a dildo.
'..the ridiculous...'
Do birds have willies?
'..and the truly revealing.'
There was three alien heads.
Purple heads with eyes.
'This... is...
'Love Island: Unseen Bits.'
Love Island, baby.
Love Island.
'Welcome to Love Island:
Unseen Bits.
'It's the show to keep
even the biggest super fans
'full to the brim
of Love Island fun.'
LAUGHTER
'Each week,
we bring you the sass...'
# Aye, aye, aye, aye. #
'..the surprises...'
Boo!
GEMMA SCREAMS, LUCA LAUGHS
'..and a huge dollop of silliness.'
Oh!
Please don't let me die.
Get on the floor.
Whoa! Whoa!
Oh, shit! Oh, no! She just...
LAUGHTER
DAMI GROANS,
INDIYAH LAUGHS
'So brace yourselves
as you get to see
'a completely different side
to the Islanders.
This is the uncensored, exclusive,
and totally unseen bits.'
# And start a tiny riot
Stop being so goddamn quiet. #
'When Charlie entered
the villa at the start of the week,
'he came empty-handed.
'Come on, man, you should always
bring a drink to a party.
'What does this button do?
HARP GLISSANDO
'Oh, nice effect!'
Hello! Nice to meet you!
How are you?
Hi, I'm Ekin.
How are you doing?
How are you?
Very well.
I've made you some cocktails.
Oh, bless you, thank you.
What's in them?
I can't tell you.
No, I didn't make them. I didn't.
IAIN STIRLING: 'And by the power
of a wibbly-wobbly effect
'that wouldn't be out of place
in an old karaoke video...'
Cheers.
Cheers.
'Charlie coupled up with...'
Ekin-Su.
# Start a tiny riot
# Stop being so goddamn quiet... #
'Now, we all know that Charlie
and Ekin-Su had terrible chemistry.
'And this unseen bit shows why.
'Sorry, I pressed the new effects
button again by mistake.'
How many compliments do you expect
a day from a guy?
70...
72.
72? I'm definitely not hitting
that quota.
Not even double digits.
But, I mean, we haven't even
progressed yet to kiss.
Would you wait for me, Charlie?
It depends how long.
Five years.
What, to have a kiss?
Yeah. No.
Fair enough.
That's a long time.
Looks like I'm getting old
and growing old alone.
You remind me of that little kid
from Home Alone.
The little kid?
LAUGHING: Who's grown up.
Are you all right?
Wow. Well, thanks so much (!)
WHISPERING: You're welcome.
WHISPERING: You're welcome.
Voldemort.
Have you seen Harry Potter?
Well, of course
I've seen Harry Potter.
EKIN MIMICS VOLDEMORT: Wait, wait.
No, please don't do that.
Don't.
Stop, please.
AS VOLDEMORT: Harry Potter!
I'm actually very...
Whaaa!
Harry...
Potter!
Voldemort!
Harry Potter...
Honestly...
LAUGHTER
I'm only joking.
This is me being silly.
Yeah, I know. I know.
AS VOLDEMORT: Why...
Please, stop doing that.
You're being very weird, Ekin-Su.
LAUGHTER
I actually don't know what to do
with myself when you're doing that.
IAIN STIRLING:
'Over the past couple of years,
'we've learnt a lot about viruses
'and how they can spread
through your nose.
'As this unseen bit
from a few weeks ago showed.'
I picked a girl's nose,
I tried it out.
You've tried the...
Yeah, I picked it.
But she obviously didn't want me
to pick it and I did it.
DAMI CHUCKLES
Did it taste all right?
It just tasted like normal.
Just a little bit salty...
You know that...
BOTH SMACK LIPS
IAIN STIRLING:
'Well, in a twist of fate,
'that unseen bit went viral around
the world as everyone was shocked,
'horrified and outraged!'
READS TWEETS:
'Well, there's been another outbreak
in the villa.'
What?
Woman. Whoa, whoa, you might
actually have something there.
Do you really want that right now?
Yeah.
Let me see.
Why are you doing this to me?
That's quite cute, I mean,
there's nothing in there,
I meant "clean".
OK, let me do yours.
No, I probably...
No!
..cos of my septum!
DAMI MOANS
Oh, you do, you have a little one.
Look at this, mmmm!
You just have a little one,
but it's not bad.
Ew. So tasty.
Dami! My finger's so big, innit?
Yeah.
OK, and then...
LAUGHTER
You bitch!
Eurgh!
IAIN STIRLING: 'Well,
that's dinner sorted, then.'
'There's been a heatwave
here in Spain,
'and it's finally got to
our challenge team.
'Earlier in the week,
they went totally barking
'and came up with this bizarre
doggy-style game.'
BOYS BARK
Woof, woof!
Lie down.
SHE LAUGHS
Who's a good boy?
You've got a belly rub.
I'll give you a kiss.
IAIN: 'The girls had to build
kennels,
'while the boys could only bark
orders while dressed as dogs.'
Oh, this is going to be
a walk in the park, like, honestly!
LAUGHTER
# I make you woof like a dog. #
'Apparently, it was inspired
by what might happen
'if Crufts was hosted by IKEA.'
Ah, this.
Can't do this!
DAMI BARKS
'Probably time to get neutered,
Dami.'
This is something
I do at home all the time.
Oh, I think my hand skills
are very good, aren't they?
Obviously, you know that already,
so...
'She's been tickling his belly,
that's all.'
If I break a nail doing this, Jay,
honestly,
you will be in the doghouse.
Like, he just gets to sit there
looking pretty the whole time.
I'm like fully going for, like,
Wendy from Bob The Builder.
'Bob The Builder had a cat,
not a dog, Paige.'
I broke my screwdriver.
# Woof like a dog
# Woof, woof
# Do it with me
Woof, woof
# Let me hear you, woof, woof...#
Don't be an idiot.
'That's animal cruelty, Gemma.'
HOWLS
CHUCKLES: What am I doing?!
# Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who? #
Bark for me?
Woof. Woof, woof.
Right. Gotcha.
LAUGHTER
Well, he kind of looks hot,
actually.
I thought, God, he looks cute
with his little nose and...
Little collar.
Yeah.
God, I've always wanted to be
dominant and take the lead.
'Oi! I'll do the dog-based jokes,
thank you, Ekin-Su.'
HOWLS
Put your back into it, girl,
come on, hurry up.
Not just a pretty face,
I can build an' all.
I thought, "Rawr!"
"Rawr!"
Rawr!
THEY LAUGH
No, he looks cute, he suits it.
This should be your accessory
from now own.
'You won't think
it's such a nice costume
'when he starts trying
to sniff your butt.'
I think you should tell me
the instructions in Italian.
Do you want me to do the top?
Copy that, understood every word.
We didn't give you a name,
what should we call you?
I don't know, you tell me.
Tiramisu. Tiramisu.
Tiram...
Because I'm sweet, you know?
'Isn't tiramisu a bit close
to Ekin-Su?
'It's gonna get confusing.'
# Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who? #
'It all turned into
a total dog's dinner.
'And if you have absolutely no idea
what the last three minutes
'of telly was about,
because I know I didn't,
'welcome to Unseen Bits,
'where we show you all the HOWLERS
from the past week.'
A-woooo!
CHUCKLES: Wait, it's more a...
A-woo! A-woo-oo!
CHUCKLES WEAKLY
IAIN STIRLING: 'Now, a world-class
dressage rider from Cheshire
'and a fishmonger from Brighton may
not seem to have a lot in common,
'but both have gone into this
relationship with eyes wide open.'
It's funny enough I shut my eyes
when we kiss.
I don't.
Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do, cos I look...
No, I don't.
You do, you do.
When we, like...
Like, if it's a proper kiss,
then I'll shut my eyes.
Even then, look.
No, you don't do it!
I did!
Cos I've looked a few times.
Every sing... no! Every single time.
No, no, no.
When I peck you,
I keep my eyes open.
You don't! I promise.
Yes, I do. I promise.
OK, well, I know if
I've got my eyes open or closed.
OK, after this, we're gonna watch
every episode back
and see when we've kissed.
Yeah, but sometimes
they will be closed,
but most of the time
they will be open.
No, most of the time
they'll be shut.
No. Luca, they're not.
OK.
I'll say it when you do it, then,
and you'll be like, "Ahh!"
What do you mean?
So, every time we kiss...
What, so you're just gonna
stare at me? That's weird.
But you're doing it,
you're staring at me!
LAUGHTER
No, I'm not staring at you,
I'm just... I'm just glancing.
IAIN STIRLING: 'So it's no longer
the "look" of love,
'it's just a glance.
'Before we head to the break,
'here's an unseen clip of Antigoni
sparring with Luca.'
Well, yeah, if you wanna give
someone a head kick,
you've gotta be pretty flexible.
Go on, then.
Shall I give you one? Yeah.
Go on, then.
Do you reckon you can get it up?
Yeah.
I'll hold my hand by my head.
OK.
I'll do a flip flop.
Yeah.
Karate Kid - wax on, wax off,
let's see it.
'But the question
on everyone's lips is...'
'See you after
the break to find out.'
MUSIC: 'Hot Stuff'
by Kygo & Donna Summer
# I need hot stuff
# Baby, baby, baby, tonight.. #
IAIN STIRLING: 'Welcome back
to Love Island: Unseen Bits.
'The show that gives you all
the unaired gems.'
# Baby, baby, baby, tonight. #
'Where the girls just want
to have fun...'
SHE YELPS
'..it's time to shout, shout,
and let it all out...'
CHEERING
BOYS: 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey!
'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey! 'Ey!
'..and you have the time
of your life.'
Ready?
Yeah.
MUSIC: 'Hot Stuff'
by Donna Summer
These two are doing Dirty Dancing
over here. Argh!
# Got to have some lovin'
Got to have love tonight. #
Do you reckon you can get it up?
Yeah.
'Before the break,
we saw a clip of Antigoni
'about to kick off, but...'
Karate Kid, wax on,
wax off, let's see it.
So, like...
Oh!
HE LAUGHS
LAUGHTER
Oh, my God!
That was just the best thing
that could have possibly happened
is that right there.
'Time for another unseen clip,
'and, Sir David Attenborough,
if you're watching, I am so sorry.'
Do birds have willies?
ANDREW CHUCKLES
Must do.
I've never seen a bird
with a willy, have you?
I think they have a little...
It's a little thing that just comes
out of their whatever, man.
It doesn't look like what you're
expecting it to look like.
I've never seen a willy on a bird.
No. That's what I mean.
When they're flying around,
you don't see, like...
So how do they... thing, then?
On other animals, you actually see,
you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Snakes, though, they don't, do they?
Oh, no, it's all hidden, man.
It's all...
Snakes are eggs, though, ain't they?
Yeah, but they...
I don't know, actually.
It's like...
What about chickens?
I don't know, actually.
I've never seen a dick
on a chicken either.
I've never seen...
No, chickens just lay eggs, though.
It's... What's "cock"?
What does the male chicken...
What's it called?
Yeah, cockerel.
Yeah.
But...
I've never seen a willy on a bird.
Even birds...
Even birds lay eggs, no? The women.
Yeah.
I really want to see, now,
a willy on a bird.
HE CHUCKLES
A willy on a bird?
Yeah, I just want to see what it
looks like.
It probably looks like yours.
Yeah. Yeah.
At the minute.
IAIN STIRLING: 'Well,
why don't we ask one?
'Come on, little fella,
Luca wants to see your willy.
'Oh, he's shy.'
'Earlier this week,
'Danica had her very own
Love Island spiritual awakening
'when she resorted to prayer.'
Just send me in somebody
that loves me.
That loves...
That's it!
And is obsessed with me.
But also...
fits my description of tanned,
light eyes, nice teeth.
Whoo! Amazing.
Pray for Danica.
Pray for Danica.
CHORAL SINGING
IAIN AS HAMISH: 'Hey, Islanders.
'Your prayers have been answered.
It's me, I'm back!'
IAIN: 'Oh, it's my little friend
Hamish from Dundee.'
IAIN AS HAMISH: 'Hey, Iain,
'I'm ready to graft
the new Islanders,
'especially Danica.
'We're about the same height,
too, eh?'
Oh, my God, why the...
What the fuck is that?
They fly...
It's a silky little black thing.
It's fucking weird!
They fly.
Where's it gone?
'On paper, we're the perfect match.'
No, please, respectfully, please...
'Just look me in the eyes
and you'll be smitten.'
BUZZING
Fuck off. Fuck off!
Ah!
MUSIC: 'Yakety Sax'
Sorry, it was on me.
No! It were literally fucking
perched on me like a piece of honey.
Fuck off!
LAUGHTER
Where is it?
INDIYAH SCREAMS
No!
It's leaving, it's leaving.
I felt its furriness!
MUSIC RESUME,
SHE SQUEALS
No, cos I can hear it.
Where is it?
It's on your back!
Where is it?
Tash, it's on your back.
LAUGHTER
SQUEALING
Where is it?
SCREAMING
OK, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone.
He's gone.
'OK, I can take the hint.
'Maybe we are not a match made
in heaven.'
IAIN STIRLING: 'There is a sound
that strikes fear
'into the hearts of the Islanders.
'It can strike day or night
without warning or a clue.
'Will it strike these two next?
'Or them?
'Or...'
TEXT ALERT
Ooh!
Oh, Jesus.
I got a text!
Oh!
Indiyah's got a text!
IAIN STIRLING: 'Phew. Thank God
it wasn't the sound
'of Dami letting one rip.'
READS ALOUD:
SCREAMING
Hashtag Damiyah.
Damiyah.
Damiyah!
Damiyah!
'So, feast your eyes
on this selection
'of revealing outtakes
of Damiyah's first date.'
Aw. It the romance for me?
Just sit down.
SHE CHUCKLES
Oh, please.
Why... Why not?
Over this way.
Why not? Go...
No, Dami, honestly.
Don't be scared.
CORK POPS
Stop!
You're good. It's OK.
So... Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
SHE SCOFFS
OK!
OK! OK!
What d'you want to cheers to?
Finally being able
to share a bed together.
SHE CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY
I'm stoked
that we are finally coupled up.
SHE LAUGHS
Why are you laughing?
Sorry.
Why was that funny?
It's the "stoked".
No, but I am.
Are you really?
Communication with you
is actually very easy, you know?
Is it?
Yes.
Very straightforward.
Very straightforward, you know?
No BS. Well, I feel like I'm quite
a straightforward girl, anyway.
Mm-hm.
So...
If you have a question, ask it,
I'll answer it.
Literally.
Do you like me?
Yes.
I like you too.
SHE SNORTS
Why are you laughing?
This isn't the moment
where you laugh.
Sorry.
That was so, like, straightforward.
I thought we were
straightforward people.
Sorry. No, but I do.
You trust me to make breakfast,
yeah? Mm.
OK, tomorrow I'll make you
breakfast. OK, cool.
A nice one.
You'll thoroughly enjoy it.
Surprise me.
OK.
I won't poison you, I promise.
Why did you say that?
I don't know.
I know that's what you're thinking.
I wasn't thinking that.
# It's about damn time. #
IAIN STIRLING: 'I'm sure Indiyah's
breakfast
'will meet all the health and safety
criteria in the Love Island villa.
'So let's see just what Indiyah
made Dami for breakfast.'
This looks so boring.
Shall we go avocado on toast?
Or cream cheese?
Yeah.
Did you not put two breads
in there?
I thought you put two slices.
Just one.
'Breakfast for one?
'Charming!'
'Now it's a little-known
untrue fact that April Fools' Day
'is held on July 2nd in Mallorca.
That's today!
'And the boys weren't about to let
the chance
'of a practical joke go to waste.'
Shall we just say we've got a text?
Just make something up?
Start reading something up like...
Tonight there will be
a public vote-off.
LAUGHTER
I reckon one of us should
say we've got a text.
Say we've got a text...
Go to the front door to meet
your two fellow female Islanders.
Yeah, yeah.
Davide, Davide, you do it.
Davide, you do it.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
What?
"I got a text." Yeah.
Oi, I'll write it in there.
"All boys please head
to the front..."
No, "Please meet us."
Boys.
"Boys, please meet us
at the front door."
Well, please meet two names.
What's a sexy name?
Abby? Abby?
Abby?
Immy? Go, Immy.
Abby.
STIFLED LAUGHTER
What are they laughing at?
I don't know.
You can say, "I got a text."
We can't laugh.
No-one look, all be facing this way.
I reckon we split up.
I reckon we split up.
Luca, we'll go over there.
Where are they off to?
CHUCKLING
Oh, what the fuck's
going on over there?
I'm so confused.
CHUCKLING
They're... Are they gonna joke
and say, "I've got a text?"
IAIN STIRLING: 'So this text plan
looks like a sure-fire thing.'
STIFLED LAUGHTER
'But what I'm sure you all
want to know is...'
Ready?
'Find out after this short break.'
IAIN STIRLING: 'Welcome back
to Love Island: Unseen Bits.'
# I've been waiting
For a lifeline from you... #
'If you've been waiting
for more exclusive unseen gems,
'you might have to wait
a little bit longer.'
Them tables are goin'.
They're gonna go.
Ooh... How are they not...
Here we go, here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.
Come on, then. Come on.
They are. They are gonna go.
Ooooh!
Here we go. That's a big one.
That's a big gust.
Oh!
IAIN: 'Don't worry,
we'll make a big splash
'and have you clucking for more.'
I'm sorry, but what is
this weather like? Seriously,
I feel like I'm a roast chicken.
THEY CLUCK
Whoa! Fuckin' hell,
that bird went literally...
Cos you went, "cluck, cluck, cluck",
probably thought
you were a chicken, babe.
No, that was too much.
# I've been waiting
For a lifeline from you... #
Oh!
IAIN: 'So let us dish you up
the best of the rest.'
# You're all I need. #
IAIN: 'Before the break,
we saw the boys getting ready
'to prank the girls.
'But you were left asking...'
'Just don't act suspicious, boys.'
THEY GIGGLE
I think the boys
are planning something.
What d'you mean?
I reckon they're gonna do,
"I've got a text."
A joke saying, "I've got a text."
And pretend that they have a text.
Guys, I've got a text!
THEY LAUGH
No way!
"Hi, boys, please meet Abby and Immy
at the front door.
"Hashtag, too many girls."
THEY LAUGH
It's so obvious!
Oh, this is a joke.
Do you reckon they believed it
or not? Yeah.
What did it say? The text?
The boys, go meet the two new girls
at the front door,
Imogen and someone.
It's not real.
I heard them fuckin' plan it.
Oi, Davide, get this on.
Take your top off.
SHE GASPS
I know what they're gonna do.
One of them is gonna dress up
as a girl.
Stop it.
No, they're not.
It's way too late at night for that.
Guys, I'm breaking it.
THEY LAUGH
One of them's gonna put
hair extensions in...
I can see it.
..walk down in our outfit...
We're good.
Heels. You need heels on.
You need heels on for the noise.
..put heels on and go,
"Hi, I'm Imogen!"
That would be quite funny.
I hope they do that.
You need to go, "Hey, girls."
"Hey, girls", like that.
I can hear their voices.
THEY LAUGH
DAVIDE: How the fuck do they walk
on these things?
THEY LAUGH
Hey, girls.
Is there anyone in the villa?
LAUGHTER
Hey!
LAUGHTER
Ekin, you were right!
Anyone was expecting it?
I can't remember.
Oh, my God!
Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Charlie.
I'm Abby.
LAUGHTER
What's your type, Abby?
I don't like blondes.
LAUGHTER
I don't really have a type.
Top three. Top three. Top three.
Davide.
LAUGHTER
IAIN STIRLING: 'One thing about
being in the villa,
'is that it gives our Islanders
a chance to mull over
'all of life's big questions.
'Doesn't it, Jacques?'
Would you rather have eight arms
or eight legs?
Eight arms.
Eight arms.
Yeah, but imagine how fast you'd be
with eight legs.
Yeah, you'd be rapid.
You wouldn't be able
to wear a cute dress. Yeah.
I mean, if you've got eight arms,
you're gonna look cute
in a dress as well, aren't ya?
THEY LAUGH
I think it makes a difference.
You'd look better, though.
But you could maybe hide them
a bit more.
And you've got more hands
for manicures.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Tasha!
She's just thinking of the bits
she can do with all her extra hands.
She's thinking about
the beauty salon, mate. Yeah.
But you might need to close yours
for repairs soon.
SHE LAUGHS
Would you rather have
your fingers as toes
or your toes as fingers?
Erm... I'd rather how they are now,
to be honest.
SHE LAUGHS
Would you wanna change sex
for the day?
No.
I would love that.
Yeah, do you know what, just to get
in women's head for one day.
Just to... Just to see
what shit you come up with.
Yeah, I'd like to be in a guy's.
Yeah, I'd be a guy for a day.
Yeah, 100%.
I'd love to see
how you use your...
dingy.
Why is it always sex-related
with you?
What do you mean?
You just always...
It would be interesting to see
what it felt like to wee out of one.
That's what I mean!
Going to the toilet
cos you guys stand up.
And, like, how in day-to-day life,
like, do you feel it
when you're walking,
when you sit down,
do you have to like...
No, you just feel it
when you wake up in the morning.
Sticking out your shorts.
SHE LAUGHS
IAIN: 'Yes, we know, Jacques.
'Our night-vision camera guys
are all traumatised!'
SONG: 'Feel It'
by Hayley May
# Won't waste my love any more
If you let me know... #
IAIN: 'Earlier this week,
we saw the return
'of a Love Island classic -
the Heart Rate Challenge,
'which, if you ask me,
'should be called
the "Hen Do Challenge".
'It's great TV,
so any wannabe producers out there,
'watch and learn.
'It's amazing
the results you can get
'with a fancy dress box
and sun-drenched Islanders...'
THEY CHEER
'..as these exclusive unseen bits
from backstage prove.'
THEY CHATTER
I'm Luca. Whoo!
Tasha, you actually look like
a Barbie. Do I?
Nah, what's the one
where they're like...
Oh, my God. Paige. Paige!
What?! Are you gonna do it,
like, side on?
Oh, OK, yeah.
That is very... Yeah.
Is it?
It's fine.
Where are you getting
all these moves from? Fuck me!
I like my weekends, all right?
Ooh, OK!
You gotta go for the weak ones.
So, who do you think's
gonna crumble quickly...
Do the most on someone who you
think's going to crumble quick.
SHE SINGS SEDUCTIVELY
SHE SQUEALS
I'm crumbling. The fuck?!
Is this gonna be yours and Charlie's
first kiss, Ekin?
Who said I was kissing Charlie,
babe?
SONG: 'Kings And Queens'
by Ava Max
# To all of the queens
Who are fighting along... #
IAIN: 'Ooh, but you did
kiss Charlie, didn't you?
'And Davide...
'Oh, and Jay.
'This is some wedding!
'But the boys aren't gonna
let the girls
'make their own entertainment.
'Davide eventually stripped off
his costume...'
THEY CHEER AND WHISTLE
'..for the boys!'
# Baby, you're not dancing
On your own... #
GIRLS CHATTER
BOYS CHEER
IAIN: 'I'd quit while you're ahead,
Davide!
'They say
that artificial intelligence
'will eventually outwit humans
and take over the world.
'But judging by the intelligence
on display in this next unseen clip,
'it's gonna happen much sooner
than we thought.
Have you seen those robots that are
like humans, that China make? Yeah.
They're fucking scary...
Some of them are great partners
as well. ..and they talk.
Human robots, yeah.
I wouldn't mind one in my house.
Is it cheating if you sleep
with a robot? No.
Yeah, I think it is.
What did you say?
Is it cheating if you
slept with a robot? What?
Yeah, like a real, lifelike robot,
like a humanish one.
It's no different to a dildo.
Yeah, human robot, true.
So you're cheating, are you?
No. No, I was...
How is a dildo cheating?
A human robot
that looks like a woman,
has boobs, a full-on body,
emotions, everything else.
And it has emotions,
it talks to you, it knows you.
Yeah, that's cheating.
Consciousness built into it.
Yeah. It's just a robot.
Yeah.
No, that is definitely cheating.
I feel like it's more like,
it's probably nicer for you guys
than it is for us.
More of a guy thing.
Yeah, because with us,
there's no movement.
What if you could actually get
a male sex doll to do
what you wanted it to do,
like listen to you?
I'd love that.
And he lasts as long
as you want him to last?
Oh, my God, that's a dream
come true. Where is he?
I don't actually... If I'm single,
I'm desperate, probably.
Would you fall in love
with a human robot?
Would you actually... If the robot
gave you everything you wanted,
affection, sex, love.
Was intelligent.
If you gave me affection and love...
She can't give me kids.
So that's the whole...
If it gave you kids as well.
How can a robot give you kids?
Babe, technology.
THEY LAUGH
IAIN STIRLING, IN ROBOTIC VOICE:
'I've been grafting for Unseen Bits
'all week and I can confirm
the only type on paper I like
'is Comic Sans and, yes,
I have been putting all my data
'into one hard drive.'
'OK, unseen clip fanciers,
another fix of your favourite tipple
'and it's Ekin-Su causing a ripple.'
No, come on, Ekin. Ekin. One job.
OK.
I'm gonna stop.
Well, you didn't do that much.
I'm sorry, one sec.
You didn't do that much at all.
Are you sure?
Yeah. It's fine.
You should worry about me.
It's on me.
How do you mean, about you?
All over me?
Oh, for fuck's sake, Davide,
it's not all about you, OK?
If you put soap on me,
why I should be worry about you?
It's called an accident.
Yeah, in fact I didn't shout at you.
But why I should be worried
about you, if you put soap on me?
I'm gonna put this
all over your head soon.
You just say
it's not only about you.
Just shut up, it's not...
You should be worried about me.
Yeah, I did worry,
and then you're like...
what about me, I'm wearing white!
Why I should be worried about you?
I'm wearing white, I'm wearing
white, I'm wearing white.
Yeah, but you put the soap over me.
Davide, shut up.
OK, you know what?
SHE LAUGHS
Now, if I throw you in the pool?
No! No, no, no, you're not.
No, no, no, you're not.
IAIN STIRLING: 'Time to give you lot
at home the chance to win
'an epic £50,000, plus...
'start planning that dream holiday
as you could be jetting off
'on the trip of a lifetime.
'Yep, courtesy of Vibe
by Jet2 holidays,
'you'll be getting up to £6,000
to book a fantastic holiday
'and you can take five pals along.
'Plus, you'll have two years
to take it.
'Don't forget, there's that tax-free
50K waiting for you at home.
'For your chance to win the lot,
there's no grafting involved.
'Just...'
# I was made
For loving you, baby... #
IAIN STIRLING:
'Welcome back to the final part
'of Love Island: Unseen Bits,
'where you get a personal guided
tour of everyone's favourite villa.'
Look. Look where you are, Nells.
Love Island, baby!
# Love Island. #
O-o-ooh.
IAIN STIRLING: 'A place where you
can be forced to take the plunge...'
SHE SQUEALS
Oh, my God! Charlie!
LAUGHTER
IAIN STIRLING: '..and start
to feel the rumblings of love.'
Do you reckon it'd give them the ick
if you farted in front of them?
Have you done it?
No.
She says I'm allowed now.
Huh?
She says I'm allowed.
She says you're allowed?
Yeah, to fart.
But I haven't done it.
Indiyah said you're allowed to fart?
Yeah, she says if I have to do it,
it's calm.
Like, she doesn't want me to,
but I can do it.
That's quite a big step.
Innit?
That is a very big step.
I'm still shy.
Can't... Can't do it yet.
LENGTHY FART
LAUGHTER
See what I mean?
What the fuck?
Can't do that.
I can't believe how loud you fart.
X-FILES THEME MUSIC
IAIN STIRLING: 'In 2022,
the FBI reopened the files
'of extra-terrestrial activity
in Mallorca.
'They tried to bring
Mulder and Scully over here,
'but instead settled for
Ekin-Su and Davide.
'Who, weirdly,
have the same sexual chemistry
'as the X-Files investigators.'
There's no stars tonight.
There's nothing.
No, there is.
Where?
I can see one.
Oh, one. Yeah.
And an... Oh, my God, I thought
that was a fucking UFO then!
It's a plane.
Yeah. Do you believe in aliens?
Yeah, I do.
So do I! Have you seen one?
No.
I have. When?
When I was 22. In my home.
What do you mean, you saw...
Can I tell you the story?
Yeah.
So, I was in my room
with my little brother.
We were just chilling. And there
was, like, news, flashing news,
like, people were spotting UFOs.
We were like, "Come on!"
Looked out my window,
there was a white circle, a disc.
It was like... "Whoo!"
It, like, disappeared -
like, the lights.
Maybe it was a...
No, no, it was a few of them.
And then my cousin
FaceTimed me from Turkey.
I opened FaceTime -
there was three alien heads
interfering my fucking FaceTime.
Purple heads, three of them,
with eyes.
I screenshotted it
and sent it to BBC News.
To say, "Look,
I've been invaded by aliens
"at the same time
they saw the UFOs."
When you had the screenshot,
they were on the phone?
No. Like, you know if
you're FaceTiming a friend? Yeah.
Sometimes the Internet connection
goes, and it goes, like,
grey or fuzzy, like, da-da-da?
No, that's in the film,
not in the reality.
I swear to God, I swear on
my little brother's life -
he's not here, but...
Maybe you were drunk.
I was sober.
OK. Well, maybe you saw them.
I saw a ghost. I saw an alien.
Everything happens to me,
for fuck's sake.
Fucking hell.
Maybe I'm an alien, Davide.
Maybe.
You're sitting next to one
right now.
Probably.
Stop it!
X-FILES THEME MUSIC
IAIN STIRLING:
'The truth is out there.
'Well, in there.'
IAIN STIRLING:
'Our Islanders love a good moan,
'as this next unseen clip shows.'
When I'm having an orgasm,
I literally scream.
Really?
Yeah. What, like what?
SHE MOANS: "Ah!"
Like, you know what I mean?
I just, like, "Ah!"
Andrew's getting a boner
while you're saying that!
LAUGHTER
Oh, yeah!
Fucking hell.
I reckon Ekin's got
the facials as well. Who, Ekin?
I have been told that. Yeah,
eyes rolling back for no reason.
Show some facials.
I know you have them on lock.
No, I can't, I can't.
You're an actor. Come on, man.
I know you got some on lock.
I just do it like I'm having a shit,
that does it for me.
Oh, God.
What?! That's your orgasm face?
I'd pull up my pants and run away,
man, honestly. I'm gone.
I'm sprinting out of that room.
LAUGHTER
Go on, Ekin, what are you doing?
DRAMATICALLY: "Oh!"
Fucking hell.
Oh, OK.
What, is that actually your noise?
No! Oh.
DAMI PANTS DRAMATICALLY
INDIYAH: Oh, please stop it!
Oh, my God, what's that?!
LAUGHTER
That's what girls do, though.
What the fuck?!
Dami, you do it so good.
What's that, during sex?
Dami, that even turned me on, mate.
I thought that is what they do, man,
isn't it? They start vibrating.
And the legs are shaking. "Ah!"
LAUGHING: "Legs start vibrating"!
Guys are like this. Guys go...
DEEP VOICE: "Oh. Oh. Oh."
LAUGHTER
"Oh! Oh!"
Yeah, guys are like that.
GEMMA: What would you do, Andrew?
To be fair, I don't really make too
much noise. I'm just like, "Fuck!"
Yeah, just being quiet.
What, do you just say, "Fuck"?
Yeah, I'm literally just like,
"Fu-u-uck!"
LAUGHTER
And then after we're done,
I'm like, "Ah. That was amazing."
IAIN STIRLING:
'Towards the end of the week,
'we saw Ekin-Su and Davide
both put their foot in it
'as they went for
their first date together.
'But to stop you all
getting sour grapes,
'here are some bits
that you didn't get to see.'
Cheesy grapes, anyone?
How much...
SQUELCHING
Gonna take all my stress out,
of the past week with you.
LAUGHTER
Everything that's happened, release!
SQUELCHING
SHE LAUGHS
You see?
Now you should
wash your feet first. Huh?
Now the wine is gonna be ruined.
Just shut up, Davide. Carry on.
HE LAUGHS
Make a rose,
just mix the white with the...
You mean Turkish and Italian
mixed together makes...?
I don't know what it makes, but...
Do you think if I drank that,
I'd get drunk?
Yeah, if you drink all of it, yeah.
Shall I try?
Just tastes like feet.
THEY LAUGH
How is Turkish food, actually?
You've never had Turkish food?
No.
Seafood is really famous.
Like, from the sea.
We have fish all the time.
Yeah. Do you go fishing?
Salads. Yeah, all the time,
with my uncle.
I was fishing as well
when I was younger. Really?!
Yeah, I love to fish.
Aw! So do I.
Maybe you could catch me.
I already caught you.
Davide!
Do you think your dad would like me?
He's gonna just say, "Yes.
As soon as you're happy, I'm happy."
My mum is gonna analyse you
a bit more.
My mum's a counsellor, mate,
she's gonna analyse you to a tee.
There's nothing to analyse here,
babe.
She's gonna be like, "Right,
is this guy gonna hurt my daughter?
"Is this guy selfish?
Is this guy all about himself?"
THEY LAUGH
It's karma, baby.
SHE LAUGHS
My mum would like you,
as long as you make me happy.
I know she will like me.
Usually, the mums like me, you know?
The best thing I like about you...
Uh-huh?
..is you're cute, unique smile
and your laugh.
When you go...
IMITATES DAVIDE LAUGHING
Yeah, yeah.
I've got a nice smile, maybe.
I don't care about the abs, Davide.
I told you this.
Also, because I have lots now, so...
Oh, my God!
THEY LAUGH
See? that's really cute.
I mean, you know,
I think you are a beautiful girl,
and I think you are very smart
and intelligent.
You sometimes scare me,
but, at the same time,
I know that I've got a strong woman.
And you're near me.
I've good taste.
I know you've got good taste.
HE LAUGHS
IAIN STIRLING: 'Now we have
squashed all the grapes,
'hopefully,
there will be no more "whining".'
# Don't let me down
Down, down, down... #
GAME SHOW MUSIC PLAYS
IAIN: 'Yes, it's time, folks,
for that Unseen Bits classic.
'Lights, camera, action.
'It's...'
No! Oh, no! What is it?
IAIN: 'This week, I asked
what grosses you out?'
Ooh...
I dunno. I think
when you're in the fish trade,
there's not a lot. Erm...
Oh, you ain't gotta ask me twice.
When people burp out loud around me.
Mushrooms, man.
Mushrooms gross me out.
The bins as well.
When you have that smell
from the bins.
Like, all the food waste in the bin.
Eurgh!
The mushroom pus, or whatever it is,
the water that just comes out,
the texture.
Eurgh! Eurgh. Huh.
Phlegm.
SHE HEAVES
Like, stop. I can't.
I'm gone. Eurgh.
Mayonnaise.
Have you ever seen somebody
projectile phlegm
through their nostrils?
Oh! When I say I nearly passed out,
I nearly needed a paramedic myself.
Bogies in guys' noses.
And... small hands
and stinky breath.
Eurgh! Bleurgh! No... Bad breath.
I hate it.
Oh, someone's like sweating near me,
or, like, smells,
or like wears the same cl...
I fucking hate it. I hate it.
There is nothing worse
than literally speaking to someone
and it's literally
just being like...
The leftover food in the sink...
Like... Eurgh!
Long fingernails on a man.
SHE RETCHES
No!
The thing that grosses me the most
in the villa
has been Ekin-Su behaviour.
Ekin-Su...
And food's a big thing to me.
She will bite...
take a bite out of a cookie...
She'll munch all over it,
slobber all over it,
and then put that same cookie
back in the cookie jar
with all the other cookies.
Like someone's meant to
finish it off.
You do the same thing,
I'm just honest.
If I see, like, a hair in the bed
or in the shower, it freaks me out.
Girls' dressing room.
Honestly, I know
we're used to bombshells in here,
but it genuinely looks like
a bomb's dropped in there.
When I say, like, the hair
that freaks me out, it's pubes.
Probably the outside toilet
where all the boys shit,
I'm not gonna lie.
The toilets.
When guys go for their number twos.
And somebody's left skidmarks
all around the toilet...
Dirty pig!
There's definitely some skiddies.
Also some piss stains.
Everybody doesn't know who did it,
apparently.
But I can promise, it's never me.
It's nasty!
GAME SHOW MUSIC RESUMES
IAIN: 'That's it for...