Love (2016–2018): Season 1, Episode 4 - Party in the Hills - full transcript
Meltdowns and confusion ensues when Mickey invites Gus to a party and comes face-to-face with mistakes from her past.
Hey, guys. So, uh, what movie
we thinking about watching tonight?
What are we gonna tackle?
We got, uh... Perfect Storm,
we got, uh... Unlawful Entry,
Sister Act 2...
- Sister Act 2!
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Sister Act 2.
- No, I'm not watching that shit.
- What?
- Oh, why?
You already watched it today?
Yes, Mother and I
watched it this morning.
Now it makes sense.
Uh, I got something
that's kinda Perfect Storm-ish.
- Oh, yeah?
- Uh...
- I like that. That's really good.
- That's good.
Per, per, perfect.
- Okay, yeah. It's like, it's the...
- Perfect!
Ah...
♪ It's the perfect storm ♪
- Yeah!
- And then, it's like...
♪ It's the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm ♪
Perfect Storm it is.
It's good, yeah.
Ooh, Chris, that's my ax, man.
Oh, shoot.
Let me get that real quick.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Ooh, yeah.
- Hey, man.
- Allan.
- Hey, how's it going?
- Hey.
Nice to see you.
I hope we're not too loud or anything.
Not at all.
That's why I'm here, man.
I heard the music.
I go,
"It's the siren song
pulling me to your apartment."
Oh, yeah, we just...
We get together and we play music
and, uh, we actually...
We write title songs for movies...
- Mmm-hmm.
- ...that don't have one.
That is the dorkiest thing
I've ever heard...
- and I love it! Yeah!
- Oh.
You care if I pop in for a second
and, you know...
do a little...
Oh. Yeah.
No, of course.
Yeah, come on in.
Get in here. Get in here.
- Yeah.
- Get your butt in here.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, guys, this is, uh...
This is Allan.
- He lives in the E-2200s with me.
- Hey.
- Hey!
- What's up, man?
Uh, I got another part.
Uh...
Is it the "oh"?
Oh!
Uh...
♪ Water's lookin' so darky dark ♪
♪ Ridin' on a boat with Marky Mark ♪
Oh, cool. I like it.
Hey, so are we thinking food or...
- Yeah.
- I would eat. Yeah.
- Yeah?
- I like food.
There you are.
I was about to fire up the hibachi.
Oh, sorry, Mom.
What, do I gotta put a cowbell
around your neck?
That beer looks good.
Hey, guys, uh, this is Frank, also.
- Allan and Frank...
- Hey.
...they're our buddies. Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I'm ready to go.
Do you want me to drive?
No, I'll be the designated driver.
I don't need to get sloppy drunk
at every party.
Oh, I do. No one in Australia
stays sober at a party.
We just drink and sing.
♪ Here's to Bertie
She's true blue ♪
♪ She's a piss pot
Through and through ♪
♪ She's a bastard
So they say ♪
♪ She's gonna go to heaven
But she's gone the other way ♪
♪ She's going down, down
Down, down, down ♪
Like, you really
have to yell it, 'cause it's...
That's when you chug the...
Down, down, down!
- And then you're... you're drunk.
- Cool.
So, do you think, uh, what I'm wearing
is appropriate for a housewarming?
Yeah, you look hot.
This is not gonna be
some kind of stuffy sit-down dinner.
Shaun is great.
At every single party in our 20s,
she flashed her tits at some point.
I'm assuming she has great tits.
Legendary.
But she has a kid now,
so I don't know
what kind of condition they're in.
I was never a big titty flasher.
Oh. I went through a brief phase
of that at college.
Pretty much never had a top on.
Hmm.
Should I invite that guy, Gus?
Why, you like him?
No, but I feel like
he'd be fun at a party.
Well, I'm excited to meet
some new people.
I feel like I've been hanging
on you too much.
Like, maybe I've been suffocating you?
No, not at all.
{an8}But we should get you some new friends
so that doesn't happen.
I definitely, at least,
need to meet a guy.
I haven't had sex in over a week.
Really?
Yeah.
♪ Based on a book
By Sebastian Junger ♪
♪ The storm is voracious
And it has a hunger ♪
♪ Hey, Clooney
Stop your hollerin' and hootin' ♪
♪ And say goodbye to Amal ♪
♪ Alamuddin ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
You're a dead man, Clooney!
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe
Perfect ♪
♪ Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe
Perfect ♪
♪ Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe
Perfect storm ♪
♪ I said you gotta watch that thunder ♪
♪ Oh, it's coming from down under ♪
♪ Thunder and lightning ♪
♪ Lightning is frightening ♪
Shit. Guys, can we...
I'm sorry. Can we stop...
Can we just stop the...
Sorry. I'm sorry, guys. Uh...
You know that girl who's, like, been,
uh, talking to me
and I don't understand why?
She just invited me
to this, like, party thing.
- Right now?
- Yeah.
Whoa, are you gonna go?
I don't know. Should I?
Should I go?
Yes. You like her, right?
Yeah, I mean, I...
- I like her. It's just, um...
- All right.
It's gonna be great.
This is gonna be...
Everybody's gonna be drinking,
there'll be booze.
Everyone'll be loose.
It's good.
I gotta say, I'm actually, uh...
I'm feelin' pretty good, you know?
She invited me to this party.
There's at least some chance
that we could be making out tonight.
You want me to go the party with you?
Be your wingman?
Aw, you gotta shave that beard
before you're a wingman, dude.
Are you kidding me? This guy is the best
fucking wingman alive.
This whole Dumbledore thing
gets him a ton of trim.
- Don't say "trim."
- Strange.
- No.
- Squishy Hall.
- Sliz.
- Ew!
- Clam shell.
- Minge.
- Baby bakery.
- Just say "vagina."
- Vajudge.
- Vagilli.
You know what?
I think I'm gonna go by myself.
- Right on.
- That's cool.
- Have fun, man.
- All right.
Get the fuck out of here.
- Okay, I hear you, I hear you.
- Go.
- Traitor!
- Thanks, guys.
See you, Gus.
Did you hose off
the patio furniture?
Jesus fucking Christ.
I'll do it now.
I asked you
to do it this morning.
- Why didn't you just do it then...
- Hello?
...like I asked, instead of making me
stressed out now?
Because I'm the one
that went to Whole Foods.
Okay, congratulations.
Daddy went to fucking
Whole Foods.
- Wow. You want a fucking prize?
- Yes.
There's still bird shit
all over the fucking patio chairs.
You want our friends
to sit in them all night?
Yes, they love bird shit.
- Fuck. Oh, come on.
- Hey. Hello...
- Hi. Hello.
- Hi. Hi.
- I'm Gus.
- Who is this?
I'm... I'm a friend of Mickey's.
She invited me to the...
party.
I think I'm just here
a little too early, right now, so...
How many people did Mickey invite?
This isn't the kind of thing
she can just invite a million people to.
You know what, I...
I'm cool just to wait outside
until the party gets going,
and then I'll get back in here.
No, man, I'm sorry.
I mean, this was just a bad time.
- Come in.
- Let me get you a drink.
I'll get him a drink.
You go hose off the patio furniture.
You know what?
I can hose off the patio furniture.
- Perfect. That's perfect.
- Oh, thank you.
You're so sweet.
- You are like a little angel.
- Okay.
- Come on, Russ.
- Thank you.
Did you get it?
Yeah.
Do you ever get these?
Oh, yeah.
They just keep coming.
I'm like The Fly.
Like a sweet Australian fly.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'd love to hear a dubstep from Kurt.
- Yes.
- Uh, Shaun?
- Hey.
- Sorry to interrupt.
Um, I was actually wondering
about Mickey.
Is she, like,
usually a late person or...
Um, like, she's normally either late
or she doesn't show up at all.
So she's probably
not gonna come,
'cause she hasn't come
to the last three things that I've had.
Okay. Well, I think I might just
wait around here
for a little while longer.
Got a... got a pretty good feeling
she's on her way.
So she should be here any moment.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.
It's a Band-Aid.
That'll heal all your wounds,
inside and out.
Oh, thanks. It's beautiful.
Hey, man.
Hey, I'm Len.
You wanna come
and tattoo something on me?
Oh. No, I don't.
You really want me to?
It's my way of connecting with people.
My tattoos represent where I've been,
who I've met.
Come on in.
Give it a try.
Oh.
You know what?
That's actually, uh...
It's pretty cool.
I like that.
All right, let's do it.
Okay.
Mickey!
Oh, my God.
Look at you.
You look so hot.
You're like a fucking hot mama.
Thank you.
Oh. This is my roommate, Bertie.
Hi. Thanks so much for inviting me.
Your house is gorgeous.
Um, I love your accent.
Where are you from?
Oh, she's from Australia,
and yes, she has hugged a koala.
It's the first thing I asked her.
Is there anywhere I may get a drink?
Yes, there's a bar
set up in the kitchen...
Alcohol!
I'm just joking.
But I do really need a drink.
Nice to meet you.
- Aw.
- I really like her.
- She's cute.
- She's super cute.
This is like a full-on grown-up's house.
I know.
It's super weird, right?
No, it's great.
I'm so proud of you.
You've come such a long way
from that one-bedroom in North Hollywood.
You remember those creepy guys next door
who always tried to give us massages?
Oh, God.
They were the worst.
Mmm. Did I blow one of them?
You definitely did.
Oh! Some guy you invited is here.
Oh, yeah, Gus.
Yeah. Um, he was the first one here
and Brian made him clean off
all of our patio furniture.
- Aw.
- Is he your boyfriend?
No. God, no.
I just thought he'd be, like,
fun at the party.
Uh, yeah.
Well, so far he's not.
All right. All done.
- Done?
- All done, yeah.
What do you think, huh?
What's a sarcoma?
Oh, you don't know?
Kind of ruins the joke.
Uh, sarcoma's like a form of cancer.
- Cancer?
- What? No.
Not like cancer-cancer.
It's, like, malignant tumors, usually,
like bone or muscle, or fat...
That's fucking worse than cancer.
What are you, a fucking idiot?
- No. You told me...
- Are you fucking stupid?
You put... you put fucking
cancer on my back?
- You... Not cancer...
- I should throw you
through the fucking window.
How about you get
the fuck away from me?
- Len, you said do my personality...
- Get away from me.
- ...and that's my personality.
- Get...
I'm a goofball, okay?
You need to get the fuck
away from me.
Yeah. Okay. Okay.
- Get the fuck away from me.
- Okay, you said...
Well, don't tell somebody to write
anything if you don't mean it.
Cancer?
Great.
Yeah, it's on Little Santa Monica...
- Cool.
- ...in Beverly Hills.
Mickey?
- Hey.
- Hmm. Gussy!
- How's it going?
- How are you?
- Good. I'm good.
- Oh, I'm so glad you showed.
Yeah, it's good.
It should be a fun party. Huh?
It's a Shaun party.
It's gonna be awesome.
Oh, definitely.
We're gonna have a blast. Yeah.
- Have you been here long?
- No. No, not too long.
Really? She said you were
the first one here.
She did?
Oh, I ought to wring her neck.
Uh, no. Yeah, I was just, uh...
I think I got the time wrong.
I don't know.
I said 7:00.
Right. Well, I guess, uh,
I thought you said 6:42.
So, in my mind,
I was, like, totally, fashionably late.
Can I get you a drink?
I would...
Yeah, I'd love a drink.
- You wanna go get one? Cool.
- Yeah, sure.
Oh, my God.
Is that Dustin?
That's my ex-boyfriend. Fuck.
I gotta go say hi to him.
I'll be right back.
Okay. Do what you have to do.
And, uh...
Shit. Shit. Fuck.
Hey, Cori.
How's everything going over there?
Good. It's just me and Chris.
Uh, just cleanin' up.
How is the party?
Uh, it's kind of weird.
Everybody here at this party looks like
a grown-up version of that movie Kids.
Plus, Mickey showed up late
and then she, like,
blew me off to go talk to an ex.
And it's like, I just feel...
really stupid right now.
See if he has bread?
Like, why did I come?
Like, why did I shoot
my mouth off to everybody,
like I was gonna make out with her?
That's so fucking stupid.
No one thought you guys were actually
gonna make out, anyway, right?
It's just like... I feel like...
I feel like she's sick of me already
or something, you know?
It's like, this happens all the time.
It's like, I meet somebody,
and then they like me initially,
and then I just, like, fuck it up
and they get tired of me
or something, you know?
It's like, you know,
you're, like, my only friend, who, like,
grew into liking me, seriously.
That's not true.
Okay, that's true.
But you were like...
When I met you, you were like...
- You were like...
- "Hi, I'm Gus.
What's your major?"
I didn't say that all the time.
Yeah, you did.
You always said that, and everyone
called you Major Gus behind your back.
I thought you called me Major Gus,
like, you know...
Like, in a David Bowie,
Major Tom way, like,
"Ground control to Major Gus"
sort of thing.
No.
Uh. Sorry, occupied.
Are you in the bathroom?
No. Yeah. What?
I think
I'm just gonna go home.
It was, like, a huge mistake
coming here.
Don't go home.
You went all the way there
to talk to her,
so why don't you
fucking talk to her?
Why don't you be a man?
Just be a man.
You're a man, aren't you?
Okay. Yeah. All right.
- Bye, Cori.
- Bye.
You can do this, Gus.
You're the man.
You're... like a man.
You're close to being a man.
Fuck you,
you piece of shit.
Hey.
Um... that smell was in here
before I got in here.
Yeah, you're the man.
You heard me?
Fuck you.
Dustino.
- Hey.
- Hey, no, where are you going?
I haven't seen you in forever.
Let's hang out.
Why would I wanna do that?
I don't see you for years
and suddenly everything is just cool?
What's the problem?
We said we were gonna be friends.
Is that how you remember it?
You were awful to me.
No, I wasn't.
You stole my laptop.
Had my family photos on it.
I didn't have those backed up.
Are you crazy?
I never stole your laptop.
My couch has cigarette burns
all over it because of you.
You could've burned down my house.
I have dogs!
Did that ever occur to you?
Okay. Okay.
But who cares?
It was years ago.
You destroy everything that you touch.
I've spent thousands of dollars
on therapy because of you.
Okay. Well, yeah,
you did shit to me, too.
It's called being in a relationship.
I didn't cheat on you.
You cheated on me, though, right?
With Atwater Carl.
Big surprise.
You fucking crazy?
Carl was my best guy friend,
and you couldn't handle that,
so you're making up
all this bullshit.
Can you tell the truth,
one time, for once? Please?
I am. I am. I swear on my life.
I swear on fucking Shaun's baby's life
that I did not cheat on you with Carl.
And you know what?
I was really looking forward
to seeing you for one second
until you started
with all this bullshit.
Oh, my God. Just...
Whatever. Fuck off.
Hey.
Hey.
You're that guy that tattooed Len
right after me, huh?
I did, I did.
Did you see that?
What happened?
Why'd he flip out?
He had a mole on his back
and I tattooed "sarcoma" next to it.
- That's amazing.
- He didn't like that, yeah.
Oh, man. That dude needs
to lighten the fuck up, right?
I mean, he's got a piece of pizza
tattooed on his chest.
I know, right?
It's like, "Chill out, dude."
What about you?
You got any tattoos?
I do. Just this little guy.
Oh. Right there.
Yeah, what is that?
A moon, stars?
- Something like that.
- Yeah.
Get some horseshoes, clovers,
you got all the Lucky Charms, right?
Oh, yeah.
You've probably heard that,
like, five billion times, yeah?
How about you?
You have any?
Tattoos? Uh, no.
I'm not really, uh, the kind of guy
who could pull off a tattoo, you know?
- Like earrings, ball caps, tattoos.
- You could pull it off.
- None of that.
- You could pull off some tats...
Like, just some sleeves.
Oh, some sleeves over here.
Or, like, just, like,
"fuck" across your throat.
Oh. Yeah, maybe.
Maybe, I'll, uh...
I could get one of those,
like, teardrop tattoos
for every person I've killed.
- That'd be good.
- And I've killed a lot.
So, I'd have, like,
12 teardrops on my cheek.
Or, like, a little swastika
or something on your...
- Maybe. What?
- Oh!
- What?
- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
Why?
Do you think I'm Jewish?
Every... That's okay,
everybody thinks I'm Jewish.
I'm not, so I don't care.
- No way.
- Yeah.
I mean, I do care.
I'm a non-Jewish person
who cares about swastikas.
Why don't I go grab a drink
and think up some cooler tattoo ideas?
Some non-swastika tattoos.
Yeah, that'd be good.
- And come find you.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I'll see you in a bit.
- Okay.
Good. See you around.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Is this cool? Sorry.
You play?
- Uh, not well. No.
- Me, neither.
Actually, I'm pretty good.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Where's my fucking amp?
I mean, at Jeffrey
and my record label alone...
I mean, we've had, like,
what, four bosses
- in the past five years?
- Yeah.
Four? That must be so confusing.
How do you guys keep track of them?
Um...
This is bullshit.
- Why are we talking about this?
- No, it's not.
It think it's kind of fascinating
- from a sociological standpoint.
- Really?
Yeah, okay. What do you do?
I work in, uh,
focus group research.
- I moderate focus groups.
- That's awesome.
Oh, for, like, movies or...
Yeah, uh, sometimes for movies,
mainly for food.
Okay,
so you get, like, people to tell you,
like, what chips are the crunchiest?
Yes, very perceptive, Jeffrey.
- Give us your spiel. Let's see this.
- Oh, okay, uh...
I'd bring everyone into the room
with all the brands,
but then I would
turn the labels away from you
- so you're not prejudiced.
- Sure.
And then I'd be like,
"So, okay, which tequila
tastes best?"
First, try number one.
Drink.
- Okay.
- All right, we're doing this, I guess.
Now try number two.
Mmm.
It's... It's one.
It's so clear.
- Yeah, I'm one as well.
- Mmm-hmm.
Now let's try number three.
- Cheers!
- Cheers.
Um, it's one.
I have to stay loyal.
No. No, it's three for me.
Three? I love it.
So then I'd ask you some
follow-up questions
about how three makes you feel.
So, like, does, uh,
three make you feel like you might do
something you might regret later on?
Like, something you
wouldn't normally do
in a party full of people
with just someone,
- maybe, who you just met?
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, I think I might.
I think I might
do something crazy tonight.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Whoo!
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet! ♪
♪ I can almost remember
Their funny faces ♪
♪ That time you told me
That you were going to be marrying soon ♪
♪ And Jet ♪
♪ I thought the only lonely place was
On the moon ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
- Sounds good.
- Thanks.
I didn't even notice
you were watchin'.
Uh, I'm gonna grab a smoke.
You wanna join?
Uh, you know,
we're kind of grooving out here,
so maybe in a couple verses?
Totally. Yeah, totally.
- Cool.
- What?
- Cool!
- Cool.
♪ And Jet ♪
♪ I thought the major
Was a lady suffragette ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
♪ Want Jet to always love me ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
♪ Want Jet to always love me ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
Hey, Micks?
Jesus fucking Christ.
You're here?
This party is like The Christmas Carol.
Every guy I've ever dated is here.
That's probably
why it's so crowded.
I'm kidding.
What are you doing here?
Did Shaun invite you?
No, she Instagrammed a picture of it,
and I saw you in the background.
And, uh, I wanted to talk to you, so...
Save your breath,
I'm not joining Bliss House.
I'm over that nonsense, all right?
That's... that's done.
That was...
That was me trying to fill
this God-sized hole that I had.
But then I realized it's not God.
It was... It's a Mickey-sized hole.
Oh, brother.
How long is this fucking jam session
gonna go on?
You know, I'm sober.
Quit drinking. I stopped.
Good for you, okay? Bye.
- All right, okay, wait.
- What?
What about you?
- You're not sober.
- I'm in AA.
You're drinking wine
straight out of the bottle right now.
You know what?
I'm on my own path.
You worry about your journey,
I'll worry about mine.
Okay, uh... I just...
- I want to make love to you sober.
- What?
I love you,
and I miss you.
And I'm doing this for us.
I'm doing this for you.
You're doing this for me?
You don't even fucking know me.
You just wanna fuck me
and then go to your mom's house.
You know what?
You're this...
Oh, you're this cute,
pixie, little nice woman,
but you know what?
You're a fucking bitch.
Here's an idea.
Why don't you go fuck yourself?
- Hmm?
- Hey, Mickey. Guess what?
Atwater Carl confirms.
We fucked! What are you talk...
We fucked, like, three times.
- God, all right.
- You know we did, Mick.
By the way,
you look super-hot.
Fuck you, Carl.
- What's the matter?
- Fuck you!
- He's telling the truth.
- Go away!
- Go away!
- What's going on here?
- Are we, uh, destroying another soul?
- Get the fuck out of here.
- Why are you talking to this whore?
- Don't call her a whore.
- I love her.
- Hey, buddy, I don't know you, okay?
But I guarantee you
she's cheated on you.
What's your fuckin' problem?
What's my fuckin' problem?
She is my fuckin' problem.
Well, you're my fucking
problem now, dude.
So would you recommend this tequila,
or would you highly...
Highly recommend this tequila.
Yeah.
And, like, if an orgy
were to break out,
would you like for that
to be a large-sized orgy
or like, just like,
a nice, mid-sized orgy?
Nice, mid-sized. Yeah.
You're really cute
when you're drunk, you know?
Obviously, I've never
seen you not drunk, but...
You're pretty cute, too.
I'm sorry.
What's going on?
Are you pretending to be straight?
Because you weren't pretending
to be straight last night.
Oh, my God.
What's happening?
Oh, my God.
Fuck you, Daniel.
You know,
sexuality's a spectrum, okay?
- And we're not a couple. So...
- And you're here.
I'm outta here.
Fuck you, man.
- Where's he going?
- Fuck.
Sorry.
I don't mind that he has sex with boys.
Mmm, I don't mind, either.
Fuck you.
- I'm trying to fucking help you.
- Dude!
- Dude, stop it!
- Fucking help me.
You guys are acting like idiots.
- Just fucking... Just admit it, Mickey.
- Okay, fine!
I fucked around on you.
But guess what?
There are bigger deals
than cheating on your boyfriend
- when you're 28 years old!
- You know what troubles me?
Is that you swore on a baby's life
that you were telling the truth.
I told you she's a fucking whore!
I told you not to call her that!
Fine, punch each other.
I don't give a fuck.
Oh, shit!
It's like his thumb
went right in my eye.
I didn't think
that was gonna happen.
If anything, I thought you were
gonna beat the shit out of him.
And thank you for defending my honor.
I am the one that called you a whore!
You know what?
Fuck you, and fuck you, too.
I can't believe I fucked
either one of you.
♪ It's another weight I made ♪
♪ I lifted that weight ♪
God.
♪ To the sky ♪
♪ I ♪
Boo!
- Not again.
- You suck.
Boo!
Mickey, maybe we should head home now.
No. This... We need to be fuckin'
wild and free, right, guys?
Don't you remember?
The night... the night that
fuckin' Elliott Smith died,
Shaun and I did crack
and then we went and we banged
on everybody's doors
and told them about it.
That was a fuckin' night.
Come on! What the fuck?
You're sitting on the floor.
Let's go in there in the pool.
Let's go fucking christen the pool.
Let's do it! Fuck!
Christen the pool!
Come on!
Alexis, get in the pool.
I can't.
I have my phone on me.
- Get in the fuckin' pool.
- Hey, not a great idea.
It's cold out
and the pool's not heated yet.
What? Who cares?
We once pissed in your mouth
in Palm Springs
because Shaun and I dared you.
Can you please stop
bringing that up?
By this time of night,
we'd all be hookin' up with each other.
The least we can do
is get in the pool.
Like, come on.
Let's make shit happen.
Fuck the police!
Yes!
Yes! Dude, it is on!
Shaun, get your tits out.
Please don't.
Whoo!
Whoa!
We're not dead yet, fuckers!
Shit.
- I can't... breathe!
- It's okay.
It's okay.
It's all right.
- It's... like...
- It's all right.
It's like somebody
body-slammed my stomach.
- Oh, my God.
- It's okay.
Okay.
It's getting better.
Yeah, see?
Everything's okay.
I just...
I just wanted to have fun.
Aw. And you did have fun.
You just got, um, you know...
super injured.
Are you all right?
You really smashed into the water.
- Yeah. Aw.
- I'll take care of you.
- Hi, Gus.
- Hey, Bertie.
You guys are like my parents,
but... nicer.
Hey, you know what?
You are the nicest, sweetest,
most caring people I know.
You guys should go on a date.
You would make
such a good couple.
- Mmm...
- Uh...
we thinking about watching tonight?
What are we gonna tackle?
We got, uh... Perfect Storm,
we got, uh... Unlawful Entry,
Sister Act 2...
- Sister Act 2!
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Sister Act 2.
- No, I'm not watching that shit.
- What?
- Oh, why?
You already watched it today?
Yes, Mother and I
watched it this morning.
Now it makes sense.
Uh, I got something
that's kinda Perfect Storm-ish.
- Oh, yeah?
- Uh...
- I like that. That's really good.
- That's good.
Per, per, perfect.
- Okay, yeah. It's like, it's the...
- Perfect!
Ah...
♪ It's the perfect storm ♪
- Yeah!
- And then, it's like...
♪ It's the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm ♪
Perfect Storm it is.
It's good, yeah.
Ooh, Chris, that's my ax, man.
Oh, shoot.
Let me get that real quick.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Ooh, yeah.
- Hey, man.
- Allan.
- Hey, how's it going?
- Hey.
Nice to see you.
I hope we're not too loud or anything.
Not at all.
That's why I'm here, man.
I heard the music.
I go,
"It's the siren song
pulling me to your apartment."
Oh, yeah, we just...
We get together and we play music
and, uh, we actually...
We write title songs for movies...
- Mmm-hmm.
- ...that don't have one.
That is the dorkiest thing
I've ever heard...
- and I love it! Yeah!
- Oh.
You care if I pop in for a second
and, you know...
do a little...
Oh. Yeah.
No, of course.
Yeah, come on in.
Get in here. Get in here.
- Yeah.
- Get your butt in here.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, guys, this is, uh...
This is Allan.
- He lives in the E-2200s with me.
- Hey.
- Hey!
- What's up, man?
Uh, I got another part.
Uh...
Is it the "oh"?
Oh!
Uh...
♪ Water's lookin' so darky dark ♪
♪ Ridin' on a boat with Marky Mark ♪
Oh, cool. I like it.
Hey, so are we thinking food or...
- Yeah.
- I would eat. Yeah.
- Yeah?
- I like food.
There you are.
I was about to fire up the hibachi.
Oh, sorry, Mom.
What, do I gotta put a cowbell
around your neck?
That beer looks good.
Hey, guys, uh, this is Frank, also.
- Allan and Frank...
- Hey.
...they're our buddies. Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I'm ready to go.
Do you want me to drive?
No, I'll be the designated driver.
I don't need to get sloppy drunk
at every party.
Oh, I do. No one in Australia
stays sober at a party.
We just drink and sing.
♪ Here's to Bertie
She's true blue ♪
♪ She's a piss pot
Through and through ♪
♪ She's a bastard
So they say ♪
♪ She's gonna go to heaven
But she's gone the other way ♪
♪ She's going down, down
Down, down, down ♪
Like, you really
have to yell it, 'cause it's...
That's when you chug the...
Down, down, down!
- And then you're... you're drunk.
- Cool.
So, do you think, uh, what I'm wearing
is appropriate for a housewarming?
Yeah, you look hot.
This is not gonna be
some kind of stuffy sit-down dinner.
Shaun is great.
At every single party in our 20s,
she flashed her tits at some point.
I'm assuming she has great tits.
Legendary.
But she has a kid now,
so I don't know
what kind of condition they're in.
I was never a big titty flasher.
Oh. I went through a brief phase
of that at college.
Pretty much never had a top on.
Hmm.
Should I invite that guy, Gus?
Why, you like him?
No, but I feel like
he'd be fun at a party.
Well, I'm excited to meet
some new people.
I feel like I've been hanging
on you too much.
Like, maybe I've been suffocating you?
No, not at all.
{an8}But we should get you some new friends
so that doesn't happen.
I definitely, at least,
need to meet a guy.
I haven't had sex in over a week.
Really?
Yeah.
♪ Based on a book
By Sebastian Junger ♪
♪ The storm is voracious
And it has a hunger ♪
♪ Hey, Clooney
Stop your hollerin' and hootin' ♪
♪ And say goodbye to Amal ♪
♪ Alamuddin ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
You're a dead man, Clooney!
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the perfect storm ♪
♪ It was the pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe
Perfect ♪
♪ Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe
Perfect ♪
♪ Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe-pe
Perfect storm ♪
♪ I said you gotta watch that thunder ♪
♪ Oh, it's coming from down under ♪
♪ Thunder and lightning ♪
♪ Lightning is frightening ♪
Shit. Guys, can we...
I'm sorry. Can we stop...
Can we just stop the...
Sorry. I'm sorry, guys. Uh...
You know that girl who's, like, been,
uh, talking to me
and I don't understand why?
She just invited me
to this, like, party thing.
- Right now?
- Yeah.
Whoa, are you gonna go?
I don't know. Should I?
Should I go?
Yes. You like her, right?
Yeah, I mean, I...
- I like her. It's just, um...
- All right.
It's gonna be great.
This is gonna be...
Everybody's gonna be drinking,
there'll be booze.
Everyone'll be loose.
It's good.
I gotta say, I'm actually, uh...
I'm feelin' pretty good, you know?
She invited me to this party.
There's at least some chance
that we could be making out tonight.
You want me to go the party with you?
Be your wingman?
Aw, you gotta shave that beard
before you're a wingman, dude.
Are you kidding me? This guy is the best
fucking wingman alive.
This whole Dumbledore thing
gets him a ton of trim.
- Don't say "trim."
- Strange.
- No.
- Squishy Hall.
- Sliz.
- Ew!
- Clam shell.
- Minge.
- Baby bakery.
- Just say "vagina."
- Vajudge.
- Vagilli.
You know what?
I think I'm gonna go by myself.
- Right on.
- That's cool.
- Have fun, man.
- All right.
Get the fuck out of here.
- Okay, I hear you, I hear you.
- Go.
- Traitor!
- Thanks, guys.
See you, Gus.
Did you hose off
the patio furniture?
Jesus fucking Christ.
I'll do it now.
I asked you
to do it this morning.
- Why didn't you just do it then...
- Hello?
...like I asked, instead of making me
stressed out now?
Because I'm the one
that went to Whole Foods.
Okay, congratulations.
Daddy went to fucking
Whole Foods.
- Wow. You want a fucking prize?
- Yes.
There's still bird shit
all over the fucking patio chairs.
You want our friends
to sit in them all night?
Yes, they love bird shit.
- Fuck. Oh, come on.
- Hey. Hello...
- Hi. Hello.
- Hi. Hi.
- I'm Gus.
- Who is this?
I'm... I'm a friend of Mickey's.
She invited me to the...
party.
I think I'm just here
a little too early, right now, so...
How many people did Mickey invite?
This isn't the kind of thing
she can just invite a million people to.
You know what, I...
I'm cool just to wait outside
until the party gets going,
and then I'll get back in here.
No, man, I'm sorry.
I mean, this was just a bad time.
- Come in.
- Let me get you a drink.
I'll get him a drink.
You go hose off the patio furniture.
You know what?
I can hose off the patio furniture.
- Perfect. That's perfect.
- Oh, thank you.
You're so sweet.
- You are like a little angel.
- Okay.
- Come on, Russ.
- Thank you.
Did you get it?
Yeah.
Do you ever get these?
Oh, yeah.
They just keep coming.
I'm like The Fly.
Like a sweet Australian fly.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'd love to hear a dubstep from Kurt.
- Yes.
- Uh, Shaun?
- Hey.
- Sorry to interrupt.
Um, I was actually wondering
about Mickey.
Is she, like,
usually a late person or...
Um, like, she's normally either late
or she doesn't show up at all.
So she's probably
not gonna come,
'cause she hasn't come
to the last three things that I've had.
Okay. Well, I think I might just
wait around here
for a little while longer.
Got a... got a pretty good feeling
she's on her way.
So she should be here any moment.
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.
It's a Band-Aid.
That'll heal all your wounds,
inside and out.
Oh, thanks. It's beautiful.
Hey, man.
Hey, I'm Len.
You wanna come
and tattoo something on me?
Oh. No, I don't.
You really want me to?
It's my way of connecting with people.
My tattoos represent where I've been,
who I've met.
Come on in.
Give it a try.
Oh.
You know what?
That's actually, uh...
It's pretty cool.
I like that.
All right, let's do it.
Okay.
Mickey!
Oh, my God.
Look at you.
You look so hot.
You're like a fucking hot mama.
Thank you.
Oh. This is my roommate, Bertie.
Hi. Thanks so much for inviting me.
Your house is gorgeous.
Um, I love your accent.
Where are you from?
Oh, she's from Australia,
and yes, she has hugged a koala.
It's the first thing I asked her.
Is there anywhere I may get a drink?
Yes, there's a bar
set up in the kitchen...
Alcohol!
I'm just joking.
But I do really need a drink.
Nice to meet you.
- Aw.
- I really like her.
- She's cute.
- She's super cute.
This is like a full-on grown-up's house.
I know.
It's super weird, right?
No, it's great.
I'm so proud of you.
You've come such a long way
from that one-bedroom in North Hollywood.
You remember those creepy guys next door
who always tried to give us massages?
Oh, God.
They were the worst.
Mmm. Did I blow one of them?
You definitely did.
Oh! Some guy you invited is here.
Oh, yeah, Gus.
Yeah. Um, he was the first one here
and Brian made him clean off
all of our patio furniture.
- Aw.
- Is he your boyfriend?
No. God, no.
I just thought he'd be, like,
fun at the party.
Uh, yeah.
Well, so far he's not.
All right. All done.
- Done?
- All done, yeah.
What do you think, huh?
What's a sarcoma?
Oh, you don't know?
Kind of ruins the joke.
Uh, sarcoma's like a form of cancer.
- Cancer?
- What? No.
Not like cancer-cancer.
It's, like, malignant tumors, usually,
like bone or muscle, or fat...
That's fucking worse than cancer.
What are you, a fucking idiot?
- No. You told me...
- Are you fucking stupid?
You put... you put fucking
cancer on my back?
- You... Not cancer...
- I should throw you
through the fucking window.
How about you get
the fuck away from me?
- Len, you said do my personality...
- Get away from me.
- ...and that's my personality.
- Get...
I'm a goofball, okay?
You need to get the fuck
away from me.
Yeah. Okay. Okay.
- Get the fuck away from me.
- Okay, you said...
Well, don't tell somebody to write
anything if you don't mean it.
Cancer?
Great.
Yeah, it's on Little Santa Monica...
- Cool.
- ...in Beverly Hills.
Mickey?
- Hey.
- Hmm. Gussy!
- How's it going?
- How are you?
- Good. I'm good.
- Oh, I'm so glad you showed.
Yeah, it's good.
It should be a fun party. Huh?
It's a Shaun party.
It's gonna be awesome.
Oh, definitely.
We're gonna have a blast. Yeah.
- Have you been here long?
- No. No, not too long.
Really? She said you were
the first one here.
She did?
Oh, I ought to wring her neck.
Uh, no. Yeah, I was just, uh...
I think I got the time wrong.
I don't know.
I said 7:00.
Right. Well, I guess, uh,
I thought you said 6:42.
So, in my mind,
I was, like, totally, fashionably late.
Can I get you a drink?
I would...
Yeah, I'd love a drink.
- You wanna go get one? Cool.
- Yeah, sure.
Oh, my God.
Is that Dustin?
That's my ex-boyfriend. Fuck.
I gotta go say hi to him.
I'll be right back.
Okay. Do what you have to do.
And, uh...
Shit. Shit. Fuck.
Hey, Cori.
How's everything going over there?
Good. It's just me and Chris.
Uh, just cleanin' up.
How is the party?
Uh, it's kind of weird.
Everybody here at this party looks like
a grown-up version of that movie Kids.
Plus, Mickey showed up late
and then she, like,
blew me off to go talk to an ex.
And it's like, I just feel...
really stupid right now.
See if he has bread?
Like, why did I come?
Like, why did I shoot
my mouth off to everybody,
like I was gonna make out with her?
That's so fucking stupid.
No one thought you guys were actually
gonna make out, anyway, right?
It's just like... I feel like...
I feel like she's sick of me already
or something, you know?
It's like, this happens all the time.
It's like, I meet somebody,
and then they like me initially,
and then I just, like, fuck it up
and they get tired of me
or something, you know?
It's like, you know,
you're, like, my only friend, who, like,
grew into liking me, seriously.
That's not true.
Okay, that's true.
But you were like...
When I met you, you were like...
- You were like...
- "Hi, I'm Gus.
What's your major?"
I didn't say that all the time.
Yeah, you did.
You always said that, and everyone
called you Major Gus behind your back.
I thought you called me Major Gus,
like, you know...
Like, in a David Bowie,
Major Tom way, like,
"Ground control to Major Gus"
sort of thing.
No.
Uh. Sorry, occupied.
Are you in the bathroom?
No. Yeah. What?
I think
I'm just gonna go home.
It was, like, a huge mistake
coming here.
Don't go home.
You went all the way there
to talk to her,
so why don't you
fucking talk to her?
Why don't you be a man?
Just be a man.
You're a man, aren't you?
Okay. Yeah. All right.
- Bye, Cori.
- Bye.
You can do this, Gus.
You're the man.
You're... like a man.
You're close to being a man.
Fuck you,
you piece of shit.
Hey.
Um... that smell was in here
before I got in here.
Yeah, you're the man.
You heard me?
Fuck you.
Dustino.
- Hey.
- Hey, no, where are you going?
I haven't seen you in forever.
Let's hang out.
Why would I wanna do that?
I don't see you for years
and suddenly everything is just cool?
What's the problem?
We said we were gonna be friends.
Is that how you remember it?
You were awful to me.
No, I wasn't.
You stole my laptop.
Had my family photos on it.
I didn't have those backed up.
Are you crazy?
I never stole your laptop.
My couch has cigarette burns
all over it because of you.
You could've burned down my house.
I have dogs!
Did that ever occur to you?
Okay. Okay.
But who cares?
It was years ago.
You destroy everything that you touch.
I've spent thousands of dollars
on therapy because of you.
Okay. Well, yeah,
you did shit to me, too.
It's called being in a relationship.
I didn't cheat on you.
You cheated on me, though, right?
With Atwater Carl.
Big surprise.
You fucking crazy?
Carl was my best guy friend,
and you couldn't handle that,
so you're making up
all this bullshit.
Can you tell the truth,
one time, for once? Please?
I am. I am. I swear on my life.
I swear on fucking Shaun's baby's life
that I did not cheat on you with Carl.
And you know what?
I was really looking forward
to seeing you for one second
until you started
with all this bullshit.
Oh, my God. Just...
Whatever. Fuck off.
Hey.
Hey.
You're that guy that tattooed Len
right after me, huh?
I did, I did.
Did you see that?
What happened?
Why'd he flip out?
He had a mole on his back
and I tattooed "sarcoma" next to it.
- That's amazing.
- He didn't like that, yeah.
Oh, man. That dude needs
to lighten the fuck up, right?
I mean, he's got a piece of pizza
tattooed on his chest.
I know, right?
It's like, "Chill out, dude."
What about you?
You got any tattoos?
I do. Just this little guy.
Oh. Right there.
Yeah, what is that?
A moon, stars?
- Something like that.
- Yeah.
Get some horseshoes, clovers,
you got all the Lucky Charms, right?
Oh, yeah.
You've probably heard that,
like, five billion times, yeah?
How about you?
You have any?
Tattoos? Uh, no.
I'm not really, uh, the kind of guy
who could pull off a tattoo, you know?
- Like earrings, ball caps, tattoos.
- You could pull it off.
- None of that.
- You could pull off some tats...
Like, just some sleeves.
Oh, some sleeves over here.
Or, like, just, like,
"fuck" across your throat.
Oh. Yeah, maybe.
Maybe, I'll, uh...
I could get one of those,
like, teardrop tattoos
for every person I've killed.
- That'd be good.
- And I've killed a lot.
So, I'd have, like,
12 teardrops on my cheek.
Or, like, a little swastika
or something on your...
- Maybe. What?
- Oh!
- What?
- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
Why?
Do you think I'm Jewish?
Every... That's okay,
everybody thinks I'm Jewish.
I'm not, so I don't care.
- No way.
- Yeah.
I mean, I do care.
I'm a non-Jewish person
who cares about swastikas.
Why don't I go grab a drink
and think up some cooler tattoo ideas?
Some non-swastika tattoos.
Yeah, that'd be good.
- And come find you.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I'll see you in a bit.
- Okay.
Good. See you around.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Is this cool? Sorry.
You play?
- Uh, not well. No.
- Me, neither.
Actually, I'm pretty good.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Where's my fucking amp?
I mean, at Jeffrey
and my record label alone...
I mean, we've had, like,
what, four bosses
- in the past five years?
- Yeah.
Four? That must be so confusing.
How do you guys keep track of them?
Um...
This is bullshit.
- Why are we talking about this?
- No, it's not.
It think it's kind of fascinating
- from a sociological standpoint.
- Really?
Yeah, okay. What do you do?
I work in, uh,
focus group research.
- I moderate focus groups.
- That's awesome.
Oh, for, like, movies or...
Yeah, uh, sometimes for movies,
mainly for food.
Okay,
so you get, like, people to tell you,
like, what chips are the crunchiest?
Yes, very perceptive, Jeffrey.
- Give us your spiel. Let's see this.
- Oh, okay, uh...
I'd bring everyone into the room
with all the brands,
but then I would
turn the labels away from you
- so you're not prejudiced.
- Sure.
And then I'd be like,
"So, okay, which tequila
tastes best?"
First, try number one.
Drink.
- Okay.
- All right, we're doing this, I guess.
Now try number two.
Mmm.
It's... It's one.
It's so clear.
- Yeah, I'm one as well.
- Mmm-hmm.
Now let's try number three.
- Cheers!
- Cheers.
Um, it's one.
I have to stay loyal.
No. No, it's three for me.
Three? I love it.
So then I'd ask you some
follow-up questions
about how three makes you feel.
So, like, does, uh,
three make you feel like you might do
something you might regret later on?
Like, something you
wouldn't normally do
in a party full of people
with just someone,
- maybe, who you just met?
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, I think I might.
I think I might
do something crazy tonight.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Whoo!
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet! ♪
♪ I can almost remember
Their funny faces ♪
♪ That time you told me
That you were going to be marrying soon ♪
♪ And Jet ♪
♪ I thought the only lonely place was
On the moon ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
- Sounds good.
- Thanks.
I didn't even notice
you were watchin'.
Uh, I'm gonna grab a smoke.
You wanna join?
Uh, you know,
we're kind of grooving out here,
so maybe in a couple verses?
Totally. Yeah, totally.
- Cool.
- What?
- Cool!
- Cool.
♪ And Jet ♪
♪ I thought the major
Was a lady suffragette ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Jet, ooh ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
♪ Want Jet to always love me ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
♪ Want Jet to always love me ♪
♪ Ah, Mater ♪
Hey, Micks?
Jesus fucking Christ.
You're here?
This party is like The Christmas Carol.
Every guy I've ever dated is here.
That's probably
why it's so crowded.
I'm kidding.
What are you doing here?
Did Shaun invite you?
No, she Instagrammed a picture of it,
and I saw you in the background.
And, uh, I wanted to talk to you, so...
Save your breath,
I'm not joining Bliss House.
I'm over that nonsense, all right?
That's... that's done.
That was...
That was me trying to fill
this God-sized hole that I had.
But then I realized it's not God.
It was... It's a Mickey-sized hole.
Oh, brother.
How long is this fucking jam session
gonna go on?
You know, I'm sober.
Quit drinking. I stopped.
Good for you, okay? Bye.
- All right, okay, wait.
- What?
What about you?
- You're not sober.
- I'm in AA.
You're drinking wine
straight out of the bottle right now.
You know what?
I'm on my own path.
You worry about your journey,
I'll worry about mine.
Okay, uh... I just...
- I want to make love to you sober.
- What?
I love you,
and I miss you.
And I'm doing this for us.
I'm doing this for you.
You're doing this for me?
You don't even fucking know me.
You just wanna fuck me
and then go to your mom's house.
You know what?
You're this...
Oh, you're this cute,
pixie, little nice woman,
but you know what?
You're a fucking bitch.
Here's an idea.
Why don't you go fuck yourself?
- Hmm?
- Hey, Mickey. Guess what?
Atwater Carl confirms.
We fucked! What are you talk...
We fucked, like, three times.
- God, all right.
- You know we did, Mick.
By the way,
you look super-hot.
Fuck you, Carl.
- What's the matter?
- Fuck you!
- He's telling the truth.
- Go away!
- Go away!
- What's going on here?
- Are we, uh, destroying another soul?
- Get the fuck out of here.
- Why are you talking to this whore?
- Don't call her a whore.
- I love her.
- Hey, buddy, I don't know you, okay?
But I guarantee you
she's cheated on you.
What's your fuckin' problem?
What's my fuckin' problem?
She is my fuckin' problem.
Well, you're my fucking
problem now, dude.
So would you recommend this tequila,
or would you highly...
Highly recommend this tequila.
Yeah.
And, like, if an orgy
were to break out,
would you like for that
to be a large-sized orgy
or like, just like,
a nice, mid-sized orgy?
Nice, mid-sized. Yeah.
You're really cute
when you're drunk, you know?
Obviously, I've never
seen you not drunk, but...
You're pretty cute, too.
I'm sorry.
What's going on?
Are you pretending to be straight?
Because you weren't pretending
to be straight last night.
Oh, my God.
What's happening?
Oh, my God.
Fuck you, Daniel.
You know,
sexuality's a spectrum, okay?
- And we're not a couple. So...
- And you're here.
I'm outta here.
Fuck you, man.
- Where's he going?
- Fuck.
Sorry.
I don't mind that he has sex with boys.
Mmm, I don't mind, either.
Fuck you.
- I'm trying to fucking help you.
- Dude!
- Dude, stop it!
- Fucking help me.
You guys are acting like idiots.
- Just fucking... Just admit it, Mickey.
- Okay, fine!
I fucked around on you.
But guess what?
There are bigger deals
than cheating on your boyfriend
- when you're 28 years old!
- You know what troubles me?
Is that you swore on a baby's life
that you were telling the truth.
I told you she's a fucking whore!
I told you not to call her that!
Fine, punch each other.
I don't give a fuck.
Oh, shit!
It's like his thumb
went right in my eye.
I didn't think
that was gonna happen.
If anything, I thought you were
gonna beat the shit out of him.
And thank you for defending my honor.
I am the one that called you a whore!
You know what?
Fuck you, and fuck you, too.
I can't believe I fucked
either one of you.
♪ It's another weight I made ♪
♪ I lifted that weight ♪
God.
♪ To the sky ♪
♪ I ♪
Boo!
- Not again.
- You suck.
Boo!
Mickey, maybe we should head home now.
No. This... We need to be fuckin'
wild and free, right, guys?
Don't you remember?
The night... the night that
fuckin' Elliott Smith died,
Shaun and I did crack
and then we went and we banged
on everybody's doors
and told them about it.
That was a fuckin' night.
Come on! What the fuck?
You're sitting on the floor.
Let's go in there in the pool.
Let's go fucking christen the pool.
Let's do it! Fuck!
Christen the pool!
Come on!
Alexis, get in the pool.
I can't.
I have my phone on me.
- Get in the fuckin' pool.
- Hey, not a great idea.
It's cold out
and the pool's not heated yet.
What? Who cares?
We once pissed in your mouth
in Palm Springs
because Shaun and I dared you.
Can you please stop
bringing that up?
By this time of night,
we'd all be hookin' up with each other.
The least we can do
is get in the pool.
Like, come on.
Let's make shit happen.
Fuck the police!
Yes!
Yes! Dude, it is on!
Shaun, get your tits out.
Please don't.
Whoo!
Whoa!
We're not dead yet, fuckers!
Shit.
- I can't... breathe!
- It's okay.
It's okay.
It's all right.
- It's... like...
- It's all right.
It's like somebody
body-slammed my stomach.
- Oh, my God.
- It's okay.
Okay.
It's getting better.
Yeah, see?
Everything's okay.
I just...
I just wanted to have fun.
Aw. And you did have fun.
You just got, um, you know...
super injured.
Are you all right?
You really smashed into the water.
- Yeah. Aw.
- I'll take care of you.
- Hi, Gus.
- Hey, Bertie.
You guys are like my parents,
but... nicer.
Hey, you know what?
You are the nicest, sweetest,
most caring people I know.
You guys should go on a date.
You would make
such a good couple.
- Mmm...
- Uh...