Louis Theroux's Altered States (2018): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
This programme
contains some strong language.
- There's two bottles.
- Mm-hm. Those
mix together and you drink it down.
"Death often occurs
within 30 minutes.
"In rare cases, it may take
24 hours or longer."
- That's quite something, isn't it?
- Mm-hm.
Getting this drug to kill me
has allowed me to live.
That's the paradox.
I was in America spending time
among people looking to take control
over their deaths.
Seven states now offer
the terminally ill the option
of ending their lives with
a prescribed cocktail of medication.
When he says,
"OK, I'm ready to go"…
Like, can I get you anything else
besides that
to make you change your mind?
And so, when I hear myself
saying that, I also think,
"Well, maybe I haven't accepted
that he's going to take it".
There are also groups
looking to push further.
This is all the equipment a person
uses, and I have it here
because I want to be ready.
Is that your personal equipment,
for personal use only?
Yes.
I've got two - one for me
and one for my wife.
But the practice still
has many opponents…
If you're healing people, if you're
treating them to get better,
how can you then
turn around and say,
"Well, now I'm going to help you
die"?
And raises the question -
how much control should
we have over our own deaths?
Making this decision was not easy.
It is the hardest decision
I've ever had to make.
Let me show you my back yard,
it's kind of fun.
So, we have chickens…
Very nice!
Little touch of the farmyard.
Yeah.
Come here, girls, come here…
In San Luis Obispo, California, I
was with retired
respiratory therapist Gus Thomason.
Come here, come here.
Here, let me grab one.
Wow. Lunch?
Have you been here a while, Gus?
54 years.
In this very spot?
- Uh-huh.
- How about that?!
It's a great old house.
It's beautiful.
Where did you grow up?
Uh, Denton, Argyle, Texas.
And Dallas, Texas.
- So, you're not a California native?
- I'm not.
And people say, "Well, what brought
you to California?"
And I say, "Texas!"
THEY LAUGH
You didn't feel you fitted in in
Texas?
We were…
You were too free-spirited
for that part of the world!
Well, looking back, perhaps not…
Perhaps they were merely too uptight
for us!
Yeah.
THEY LAUGH
You guys want a little tour of the
place?
Yeah, sure, why not?
I'll show you some
old pictures on the wall.
That's Reyanna.
- Oh, wow!
- I know, it's amazing!
- That's Reyanna, your wife!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's my mom.
- Yeah.
Poor misshapen thing!
THEY LAUGH
What first attracted you to her?!
THEY LAUGH
- Where are you in that picture?
- That's me.
- With the beard?
- Yeah!
Looking vaguely Amish!
Wow.
Gus is 74, a father to twin
daughters, and new grandfather.
He had been enjoying an active
retirement when his life was changed
by a diagnosis of stage
four pancreatic cancer.
Come here, Bobo.
Given less than six months to live,
he qualified for California's
End Of Life Options Act,
known as AB15.
Um, how soon after the diagnosis did
you come to this decision?
I mean, that had been a personal
philosophy of mine all my life.
I deal with death
and dying and hospitals.
And, I mean, I knew that the way
I was going to go,
I would not die of suffering.
I mean, it's going to kill me.
Why should I wait for it to do that?
I'll kill it!
But as far as using this aided dying
option,
Reyanna, how did
you feel about that?
Well, I remember saying to him
the day he was saying
how he didn't want to be…
A burden, a victim, and I said,
"We'll do what we did for Madaila,"
which was one of our daughter's dogs
that recently had died, that we…
It was a beautiful death.
The vet actually came to their home
and the dog was snapping
on the front porch, and we all
petted her and loved her and got
around her and they injected her.
She just went to sleep.
If this option didn't exist,
what would you be doing now?
Well, I have a 357 Magnum.
That I was looking at.
- Seriously?
- Snub-nosed… Oh, yeah.
And I looked at that and I went,
"God, what a mess!"
I thought about going real fast
on my motorcycle and hitting a wall,
but those things are not 100%.
And they do have hospice,
but hospice way of putting
you down is to just put you in a
coma and then you basically die
of dehydration and starvation.
That's God's way, pardon me.
But, you know, I want AB15.
And it needs to be more socially
acceptable.
And perhaps my participation in this
will bring it out
a little bit further.
And hopefully it'll be a fun party,
and I'll go out with some
class and style!
THEY LAUGH
He's trying to get some
wine off that cork!
Yeah!
It turns out it's a pretty good
teether.
My grandson's my immortality.
What's his name again?
- Raylin.
- Raylin.
Hello! He looks a bit shocked.
You didn't know that that was
going to happen!
Oh, he, you know…
He's got to look
at you and see who you are.
Hello.
That little baby just got so much
light and love in his eye.
Wow!
THEY LAUGH
How about that?
You want to bounce?
Yes, he loves to bounce.
What a happy little dude!
THEY LAUGH
California's End Of Life Options Act
allows physicians to prescribe
life-ending medication to anyone
with six months or less to live,
of sound mind, and strong enough
to administer their own lethal dose.
It is intended to prevent
needless suffering.
In 2017, throughout the state, 374
people used it to end their lives.
The vast majority were over 60.
But there are many who are younger
and considering the option.
- So, fill me in?
- So…
SHE COUGHS
My lungs, they said they sound
clear,
but I'm all congested up here.
You don't feel clear.
And the last couple of scans
showed that my thyroid
is doing weird things,
like one side is dying back
and the other side's growing.
In San Jose, I was with 47-year-old
Lori Wallace and her husband,
Mark.
Anything else on your mind?
I don't think so.
Did you have to renew the…?
Is it six months that you have
to renew the paperwork for the…?
Oh, yeah, the end-of-life option.
Because I have lived
past that six-month timeframe,
I want to make sure
that that is taken care of.
Mm-hm.
Your visit here puts us back
into the confirming that…
Right. Awesome.
It's the same criteria,
you have to be able to…
- Self-administer.
- Self-administer.
You have to be able to make
the decision.
Right.
If you want me to be there,
I can be there.
But I will be phone-available
throughout.
I have started planning my death
and planning things around my death.
But I haven't planned the actual -
"OK, when I'm dying,
"how is that going to look?"
You don't know until you know,
and then you'll let me know.
Right. Yeah, exactly.
I'll follow your lead and I'll keep
having the conversation.
Thank you.
These are nice.
- Yeah, my babies.
- Wow.
So, you've got two sons?
Some of these are very old… Yes.
- Named?
- Evan and Braden.
And Braden is 11 now.
- Yes.
- Wow.
So, where is the cancer now?
Everywhere.
It's in my liver, it's in my lungs,
in my bones.
It's in my lymphatic system
completely.
I even have a spot on my
forehead right here.
And the fact that I have the spot
on the forehead might indicate
that it's in my brain as well.
But we haven't done an MRI, and I
don't even want to know right now.
I just… I can't deal with it.
Um…
It's too much to take on board.
Mm-hm.
And, six months ago, um…
…they told you that you had six
months to live, is that right?
Well, technically, I've had
six months to live for 3.5 years!
SHE LAUGHS
So, um…
Once you're diagnosed
with metastatic cancer, um…
…there is no telling
how long you'll survive.
So, what's informing this decision
that you've taken?
How we die impacts the people
we leave behind for the rest
of their lives.
I mean, my husband has to work,
my kid has to go to school.
Why would I want to force them
to watch me become so broken?
I mean, I'm sure that it's already
been traumatic enough for them.
Mm.
Have they had input
into the decision?
They just support whatever I want.
- You've got the snake out!
- Yeah.
That's Frindall.
Frindall…
Where's he gone?
Just…
He's going up.
Feels like he's nibbling me.
Can Frindall kill a rat?
Oh, easily.
If he got your hand
and then constricted
it, he could kill your hand.
Which is like cutting
off blood circulation.
Why are you only
telling me this now?
Because this is when you asked me.
Do you know much about why
we're doing our documentary?
I do know a little bit, but not
much.
What do you understand
it to be about?
About how it's like
living with an illness.
Your mom's illness.
Yeah.
Are you OK talking about it?
Yeah.
And how much do you know
about your mum's illness?
A lot more than I could explain.
And you understand it to be
life-threatening, is that correct?
Yep.
I tell them whatever
I have just learnt.
But, I mean, it's been the same
story for years now,
it's like, "Well, I could be dead
in a couple of months," you know?
But we still get along really good,
and he knows I love him like crazy.
Does Braden know
about the aid in dying?
Oh, he's…
Yes, he's heard about the California
End Of Life Options Act.
Mm-hm.
He's heard me explain
it to a lot of people.
Like, why would someone
do that, what is…?
Because they're in so much pain,
they'd rather be dead.
- But they are going to die anyway.
- Yeah.
Because you know I wouldn't…
I don't want to die.
I'm trying to make
the last bit less bad.
And that's all.
What are you actually drawing?
He's doing a picture
of the boom pole!
Yes, he is!
- That's very good!
- Yeah!
He is documenting
the documentary-makers!
Yeah!
THEY LAUGH
That's the thingamajig!
Physician-assisted dying
is legal in seven states,
and is being considered in 23 more.
But there are those for whom the new
laws don't go far enough.
In Oregon, which has had end-of-life
legislation for more than 20 years,
I was with Lowrey Brown
and Brian Ruder.
Debra, it's Brian.
So, we're in the car,
we'll see you about two o'clock.
OK. Thanks.
Lowrey and Brian are volunteers
for Final Exit Network,
a controversial group that goes
further than the existing laws,
offering technical advice to people
who wish to die but aren't
necessarily terminally ill.
They call themselves "exit guides".
- Hey, Louis?
- Yes?
For anywhere and anyone who's asking
you what you're doing here,
if you'd be kind enough to just say
you're filming a documentary
on brain injuries.
Um, it's important to us that…
These are small towns, it's
important to us that nobody know
that somebody's considering
hastening her death.
What is the legal situation?
Because, there is a line
that you can't cross,
isn't there, but what is the line?
That's assistance.
We cannot assist.
We will be there to instruct,
and to, you know,
help make sure that she understands
how to do it the easiest way.
All we're doing is talking.
And that's all protected
by the first amendment.
We were on our way to Pacific City,
visiting a new client,
65-year-old Debra Koosed.
"Application is accepted
for assignment of guides".
It says, "Key features
regarding decision,
"terminal illness - no.
"Reduced life expectancy - probably.
"Mentally competent - yes.
"Friends, family, support
of members intent -
"client has neither close
family nor close friends".
Right.
- How do you do?
- Hello!
- Nice to meet you, how are you?
- Nice to meet you.
Make yourself comfortable.
Thank you. Should I take my
shoes off, do you think?
It's up to you, it doesn't matter.
- Well, they're pretty clean.
- I'm not fussy.
I, Debra Koosed, am a
mentally-competent adult,
able to make end-of-life decisions.
I request that the Final Exit
Network assign a guide to inform me
of legal ways to end my life.
I understand that all other options
for care and comfort remain
available to me until
the moment I cause my death.
Debra was living with the physical
ailments resulting from a serious
car crash, including
dementia-like symptoms.
It was only the second time Brian
and Lowrey had met her in person.
I have pictures that show you
each step.
I also have actually
all this equipment myself,
- so we can make a hood side-by-side.
- Oh!
What's your best learning style?
I'm a visual-type person.
Show me, and I usually get it.
- Do you have tubing in that bag?
- Yes.
- The tubing is right here.
Perfect, yeah,
we'll pull everything out.
So if we give yourself
a little bit of space here…
The occasion for the visit
was to explain how to assemble
a device that Debra
could use to end her life.
We usually check just
to make sure that it fits
around your neck reasonably snuggly.
I think that's fine.
Debra had bought all the equipment
herself.
This, in addition to free speech
laws,
is another way Brian and Lowrey
protect themselves
from prosecution for assisting
in a suicide.
So, then, take your tubing.
And you want to sort of place it
within a couple of inches
of the edge here.
And then take a little piece
of tape,
and just tack this down right
there like that.
So, like this.
We've been advised not to show
too much technical detail.
Suffice it to say,
it was a little surreal.
The friendliness of the encounter…
Now, the magic.
And, at the same time,
the seriousness
of what was being planned.
Well, you're really good.
You may be the best we've ever had.
That was quite intense.
For me, anyway.
I mean, as an experience,
not something you do every day,
as they say.
How are you feeling after that?
I feel great!
THEY LAUGH
I know that that sounds…horrible.
- It sounds like you!
- Yeah, I know!
- I think it's wonderful!
- Yeah.
We don't know whether you'll
choose to have an exit guide,
assuming you went ahead with this,
but there's no-one else
you would have here, you don't have
a friend you would…?
If my husband were alive, he would
have been my exit guide.
Mm.
We had talked about that.
It's never easy to watch
somebody you love die.
- It's just not.
- No.
What about someone
you don't know very well?
I only tell you about my thing.
I feel…
I feel a loss, and then I feel
very good that I'm able to help,
and it's very rewarding, it's very
gratifying for me. I…
I hate to see a person die,
but I feel so good that they're able
to die on their own terms,
so it's quite…
For me, it's quite gratifying.
I wanted to get a better sense of
what was behind Debra's decision.
I asked Brian and Lowrey
to give us some time alone.
We began by talking
about her husband, David,
who'd died five months earlier.
He had quite the moustache,
didn't he?
Oh, yes!
That was like a signature.
That was David's signature.
Did you know him at this stage,
the one of David Crosby
here in the middle?
That is David in his hippie days.
Did you know him when he was
rocking the hippie look?
No, and had I, I never
would have dated him!
You would have said -
"Cut your hair!"
Yes, I would!
- I quite like that.
- He was such the opposite of me.
He was free-spirited…
It was the Yin and the Yang.
Yes.
So, it's hard to know
where to begin.
When I look at you,
I see a vibrant, attractive,
humorous person who I would assume
has lots to live for.
So, what am I missing?
I'm losing everything that makes
everything worthwhile.
To me, my brain is what
made life everything.
And it's no longer
working like it used to.
I don't have quality of life
physically.
I'm just existing.
And existing today is so difficult,
because David did…
He was my arms and my legs.
I mean, I've been to memory
support facilities,
where there have been residents
with advanced dementia
who have experienced
what you could call loss
of personhood, but it's very hard
to say that they don't
have quality of life in some ways.
Those facilities might
be good facilities.
They're also 5,000-6,000 a month.
And I don't even have
that kind of money.
Timeframe-wise, I would like to exit
in the next 30 days.
Where will you be,
do you think, if and when?
Probably right there,
looking out there.
- Here?
- Yeah.
It's the best view of Haystack Rock.
And if I get it on a day
when the splash-over is happening
on the Cape, that would
just be an added bonus.
You say you're pretty
sure about doing this…
Yes, I still find it amusing
that you're questioning it.
It's sort of my job.
My question to you is -
would you want to live this life?
Who knows?
How could you know unless you were
experiencing it yourself?
And right now, there are people
out there
that are afraid to talk about it.
It scares them.
Death is a scary thing.
I'm not afraid of dying any more.
At a bar down the hill,
I met up with Brian and Lowrey.
It's been said that she has
dementia-like symptoms, probably
related to a brain injury, correct?
And part of brain injuries,
often it involves depression
or emotional volatility, right?
And suicidal thoughts, quite often.
Is it an issue if her urge
to end her life is in part a symptom
of her brain injury?
I think that the accident,
her husband dying, the depression,
whatever, I think those things
have speeded things up.
But in the big context of things,
whether she dies in two months or
two years, it's her choice.
And if you look at the situation
before her, if she runs out of money
and they take her house,
she then goes under government
nursing facilities where she goes
into a room that's 8x10
with another person in it,
and it's a quality-of-life issue
for her.
So, those decisions are partly
conditioned by situations,
factors that are controllable,
right?
Support of loved ones,
social life, material concerns,
how much money you have.
- Symptoms that can be alleviated. So…
- Can they be?
Well… Well, they can be
to an extent, can't they?
How is she going to alleviate
her financial symptoms?
She's got cognitive decline,
she can't find work.
She has no family to give her money.
That's why I was trying to say…
I think I was making
a broader point, erm,
is it the symptom of a society
that's not doing enough
to support its most vulnerable?
Well, that's always the case,
I think.
As I tell a lot of the clients
that we deal with,
you know, in general,
nobody cares if old people die…
…except family.
I left Lowrey and Brian unsure
what to make of their role as tutors
of death.
Respectful of their evident belief
in their principles,
but also a little worried
by their zeal.
I'd arranged to spend some more time
with Gus and his family.
Since I'd last seen him, he'd been
sent his dose of life-ending
medication at a cost of 350.
- Hi! This is my husband.
- Chris.
Chris, nice to meet you.
How do you do?
I arrived to find Gus was still
in bed after a bad morning.
- Hi, Gus.
- Welcome back.
This is my Clinessa, that you never
got to meet.
We didn't meet.
Hi, Clinessa, I'm Louis,
nice to meet you.
Hi.
I'm sorry it's in such
circumstances.
So, this is my kit.
It really consists of, um…
These are two single pills that I
think I'd take an hour before.
Those are the anti-nausea?
Anti-nausea. And a kind of a
tranquilliser of some sort.
Yeah, and then this is the…the
stuff.
It's just a white powder, and you
mix it up with apple juice.
And not much instructions.
Swallow, die, repeat if necessary!
THEY LAUGH
Sure you don't want to do it with
some Dom Perignon or something?!
I would, because it would
really increase the effectiveness,
but I can't keep anything down.
Yeah.
I'd love to take it
with Dom Perignon.
- Oh, well, we can have it on standby.
- Yeah!
Yeah, you'll drink it!
THEY LAUGH
Gus, in some cases, I know,
patients in your situation,
there's pressure from the family.
And so I'm just curious,
how is that…?
Are you all on the same page?
Well, not…
I mean, I would have gone probably
a couple of weeks ago
if I had had my…
But I told Reyanna, you know,
in order to get her support…
Uh, I said I'd go through chemo.
HE SOBS
And so that's what I'm doing.
But I'm afraid I'm going to wait
too long for my AB15.
You know, if you get too sick,
you can't hold anything down.
And one of the tenets
of the whole programme is -
you've got to be able to take
the medicine yourself.
You little scallywag!
You little cutie!
BABY WAILS
Baby!
Come here!
Careful, he'll crawl on you.
I know what he wants,
he wants to take my glasses off.
THEY LAUGH
This is the game we play!
Little blue-eyed thing!
He won't even remember me!
But we have such a rapport.
Such a connection, mm-hm.
Oh, he's going to remember you,
because you're going to be talked
about a lot.
We'll tell him all about you.
See, he remembers you.
Let's get a hug.
In a few short weeks, Gus had made
a marked physical decline.
All indications were
that he was still intent
on using the life-ending medication.
But that still left the question
of when to do it, and how his family
could best support him.
So, how are you doing?
It's hard, because he wants
to be strong for us
and he's the one that's dying!
So, it's like, you know…
He keeps apologising, you know,
"I'm sorry I'm so much trouble,
"I'm sorry you're having
to go through this."
And he's the one that's
really having to go
through it, you know.
Today is the first time he's sat
up since he went to the chemo.
I even have to go into
the room and check to see
if he's still breathing.
And he said in there that if it had
been up to him,
he would have done it
a couple of weeks ago.
- Was that a surprise?
- No.
- You knew that?
- Because I understood…
I mean, I've seen him,
what he's gone through the last
three weeks, you know?
To stay around and do as much
as he can
and give us as much time as we can.
What must make it so hard, in a way,
is that no matter how bad it gets,
there's still little moments…
Yeah. Mm-hm.
- He is fighting.
- Yeah, he is fighting.
I think there's a also
understandable almost knee-jerk
reaction, that you are rooting for
someone,
by rooting for them to continue
living.
Mm-hm. Yes.
And that you don't want to be
defeatist.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
So maybe part of us is
uncomfortable with the idea
of respecting that decision.
Yeah, here's the real thing, yeah.
Seeing Gus with his family,
it struck me how difficult
it must be to offer the right kind
of support
to someone nearing the end.
The issue was even more glaring
when, as with Final Exit Network,
those offering advice to the ill
and vulnerable are near strangers
working in a legal grey area.
In fact, the group has been
prosecuted several times.
Doreen Dunn was 57 years old,
living with chronic pain
for ten years.
She secretly called Final Exit
and died from asphyxiation…
She eventually decided
to take her life with the advice,
encouragement and assistance
of an organisation known
as the Final Exit Network.
In 2015, they received
their only felony conviction,
in Minnesota, after two exit guides
aided the death of Doreen Dunn,
a musician and mother of two,
without informing her husband.
They say they are now more careful
to involve families,
but the case raised questions
about their practices.
- Hello.
- Good morning.
Can we come in? How is it going,
Brian?
Very good, thank you.
In Portland, I was back with Brian.
Would you like some coffee?
I'd love some.
We have some Girl Scout cookies.
Thank you, don't mind if I do.
Please, they're quite good.
Mm, nice.
Have you been seeing anything
of Debra since we last…?
I haven't.
You know, we don't do much with
people once we do the first visit,
it's sort of for them
to get back to us.
I was reading up on what happened
in Minnesota with Doreen Dunn.
Are you not vulnerable
to being prosecuted again?
If other states were to adopt
the Minnesota issue,
we might face places where we would
have to be more careful
and we couldn't provide our
services.
You don't worry about that?
I don't worry about it,
because, again, I don't think
it's wrong to tell people
their options on what they can do
to end their life.
What is the rubric in terms
of reasons they can give for wanting
to end their life?
So, primarily, they have to give us
something that says they have a lot
of pain and suffering, and they can
back it up with medical records.
So, where on the spectrum does
Alzheimer's and dementia fall?
Are those considered
for you reasons to…?
Yes, they are valid, they're within
our policy, yes.
Because that's not pain, is it?
For some people,
it's a psychological pain.
And for people like Debra,
who are really afraid
that they're going to lose
their capacity to take care
of themselves, or to control their
life,
it's becomes a very significant
psychological issue.
It's so difficult, isn't it?
Because people with dementia do have
desires, but at the same token,
how do you decide what is a
consistent expression
of a long-term desire?
So, I had a sister who lived
with dementia for four years
in a memory care facility,
and I visited her.
And… And I watched her life,
I watched…
…her not remember who anything,
who anybody was.
I watched her exist,
living in a little room,
by herself, and I saw that
and I said,
"That's not a life I ever want
to have."
Because I don't believe that anybody
intentionally wants to live
in dementia if they don't have to.
That's a very bold statement,
because it's only a short step
from that to saying,
"I don't believe that someone
"would want to live
in profound disability."
That's very different. The brain is
much more important than the body.
But brain includes disability.
Of course, but I'm just saying,
if you look at Hawkins
and all these people, you know,
they make significant contributions,
they live very difficult,
but very productive lives.
And I'm… I think a lot of people
with disabilities are able
to do that.
People with dementia don't
have the same capacity.
So it's very different, I don't…
I don't think there's even
close proximity in terms
of dementia and disability,
personally.
With the stakes so high, it was
troubling to hear Brian presume
that almost anyone would rather die
than live with serious dementia.
It seemed a slippery slope
from that to devaluing the lives
of all those with mental
disabilities.
I wondered about Debra,
and whether enough thought
had been given to her reasons
for taking the decision.
I decided to pay her another visit.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- There you go.
- There she blows!
- There she blows.
- How are you doing?
- I'm cold, how about you?
It's chilly out there,
I'm telling you.
- Lead on.
- Lead on! Follow me!
Wheel away!
Wheel away!
There's a deer outside the window!
Oh, right in front of us.
There's two, the one on the left
is, if anything, closer.
We planted deer-resistant food,
so what they're eating is the stuff
we want them to eat.
- So they're working.
- Yep.
Very cool.
So, how's it been going?
Since we saw you, what have you been
up to?
Going through files
and paperwork and…things.
Have your thoughts moved on at all?
As far as what?
As far as this big decision
that you were talking about making.
I'm not happy doing what I'm doing.
But the alternative is worse.
The fact that I forgot how to put on
my make-up
and had to go watch videos
to learn again how to do something
that I've done
most of my adult life.
I forgot.
So, little by little, me, who I was,
who I am…
is slowly leaving.
I'm not comfortable with that.
So, things like mementos
of your life with David, and also
photos of you growing up,
things like that,
what will happen to those?
Believe it or not, I've already gone
through and purged a lot of those.
- What, literally thrown them away?
- Mm-hm.
I have no family to give them to.
Who's going to want to see my
pictures, if I don't have a family?
See, if you can still work a TV…
Ah, there I am!
You are! Look at that!
What year is this?
This is 1986…
'86 or '87.
This is my very first time
that they're filming me getting
up and speaking about my career
as they were training me
how to talk.
- Have you seen this already?
- Yes.
You took a look at this…
I took a
look at it. I had to.
I had a chuckle, it was fun.
The main focus of this review is to
build a partnership.
We want to assist you, because if
we make you successful,
we also become successful.
APPLAUSE
Very good!
You always had good phrasing…
- Oh, look there's more.
- There's more! I didn't know that!
I hadn't seen this part!
One-on-one, I want to talk to you
about being gregarious,
and when I see all of you,
I get really scared and I just go
right into content
and I don't do anything.
From what you're saying
about this sense of decline
that you feel, physical and mental,
and then you look back
at that and you think, what,
"That's me when I was…"
- I was at my prime.
- In your prime.
- Mm-hm.
It's very difficult for me to talk
to you about this in some ways,
because there's some
part of me that feels
that just by having
the conversation, I'm kind of,
erm, acquiescing
in a decision that,
um, is so huge.
And clearly it's your decision,
but there's a part of me that wants
to, I guess, discourage
you from doing it.
Human nature.
And then there's another part of me
that wants to give you the respect
of allowing you to make
this decision without me bothering
you with questions about it.
And I know that when people watch
this, they're going to look at me
and say, "There's nothing
wrong with this person."
"Listen to the way she talks!"
"She's got it together!"
Yes. "Look how great she looks!"
Right!
I know that in the position
I soon will be in,
it's not a quality of life,
it's not life.
Mm-hm.
What's happening is happening to me.
It's not happening to anybody else.
This is me, and it's just about me.
If David hadn't died,
would that change the equation?
If David were still alive,
this would not be a consideration.
He was literally my everything.
He was my world.
And I miss him so much.
You know, a bereavement like that,
of course, would be hugely painful.
But it's also something
that you can recover from.
Not totally, but,
you know, gradually,
incrementally, over time.
And so…
You make that sound so simple,
and yet I don't see that ever
happening with me.
I could never get
over the loss of David.
They talk about broken heart
syndrome, and I know that I have it.
I still hold hands
with him at night.
And sometimes I can feel
his pulse on my hand.
And you believe
you will see him again?
Absolutely.
So, from here, I guess we will just
be checking in with you.
You know, it's really weird,
but it would have been nice
if I could reincarnate myself
for just a brief moment to come back
and watch this show!
Well, we'll look into it!
If there was a way
you could send it up!
Beam it up, we'll put it
on the cloud!
There you go! Thank you!
Put it on the cloud,
I'll go visit it.
Thank you so much, really appreciate
it, thank you.
Thank you.
Good luck with this.
I left Debra not knowing
whether I would see her again.
It was strange to note that,
but for other concerns
unrelated to her illness,
like money woes and the loss
of her husband, she might not
be considering such a drastic step.
I could only think how sad it
seemed, and yet how difficult
to deny her her choice.
Hey, Mom!
Yeah? Oh, look at this!
This is the spot.
Oh, it's gorgeous!
I'd been invited back to see
Lori and her family.
I just can't believe
how we've got it to ourselves.
You know, there's
just no-one around.
- It's beautiful.
- It's amazing.
- Mm-hm.
I feel like Sir Francis Drake.
Don't you?
Picnic benches…
I do.
That's mine!
I know how he must have felt when he
arrived and found a picnic bench…
- They were probably… Yeah.
- …that the Native Americans…
- Had built for them?
- …had kindly erected.
It was a different time!
Against the odds, Lori's health
had rebounded after she'd started
a course of chemo.
But it had also caused an alarming
emotional episode.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
It's crazy to me that I cannot only
be here, but walk around.
Ah, I don't know, I don't know
how to even use words to describe
what that feels like,
it's just…
I guess just grateful, you know.
I understand you had some low
moments after Christmas.
Oh, yeah.
You were very down.
I actually got to the point of being
suicidal at one moment, yes.
Are you OK talking about
this in front of Braden?
He knows, he knows all of it.
So, what happened?
So, the chemotherapy that I'm on
obviously caused something
with the serotonin in my brain…
But the thing is,
it's just like any mental illness,
when you're in it, you don't really
have perspective
about where you're at, right?
And Mark came in and did something,
he probably was trying to cheer me
up, but when you're crazy,
it's not funny, right?
And so if I had been my normal self,
I would have been like, "ha-ha",
and appreciated it, but
instead I got angry.
Like, crazy angry.
And we just got
in this raging fight.
He went and he was like,
"I gotta go and get dinner."
So he took off. And Braden got in
the shower and I…
I went off on him.
Were you upset about it, Braden?
Yes and no.
- Yeah. Pretty much.
- Of course you were.
Yeah, it was mean, it was just
incredibly mean and not OK.
And Mark came home, and he's like,
"You cannot talk to him like that."
And in my head, something snapped.
I already am pissed that I'm going
to be the one that causes so much
trauma to my family,
because I'm the mom.
I'm supposed to be the one
that helps them get through trauma,
not the one that causes trauma.
So, in that situation,
you were thinking,
"I'm doing more harm
than good in this family."
So, I should just die.
And in that moment, like right now,
it makes me, you know, cry.
But in that moment,
it seemed like a rational decision.
And I said something to Mark, of
that effect, I don't know exactly
how I said it, but like,
"you're right, it's me, you know,
"I've done the California End
Of Life Options Act thing
"so I can request
the cocktail tomorrow.
"And then we can just end
all of this, I won't torment
"you guys any more."
And he just looked at me…
You said that to Mark?
I did.
And he looked at me
and he was just like,
- "You're fuckin' crazy!"
- SHE LAUGHS
You could see it wasn't Lori
in her rational mind?
It was not even the same person.
I could see a workaround,
which is why we're here.
Right.
And not, you know, somewhere…
Figuring out all the stuff
of after I'm dead, yeah.
Because if I do end
up taking the cocktail,
we're going to have to have
a conversation about that,
like, when is enough enough?
I've been thinking that,
but they haven't necessarily.
And at what point is the point
when you decide that there is no
good coming of this, right?
It's a hard question, it's not easy.
Right.
It was awful to reflect
on what Lori, Mark and Braden
were having to endure.
But I also couldn't help feeling
that, in offering Lori
the reassurance of a measure
of control, the end-of-life option
had also given her a kind of nuclear
button, and the responsibility
of knowing when to push it.
This is ridiculous!
It was going so well,
and now I'm just…
Who shuffled this deck?!
This is, uh…
Cough, cough, Dad!
This is a major malfunction.
Wild, change it to yellow.
No, it's not.
You started this war!
So I'm going to finish it!
THEY LAUGH
With Gus, too, having the
life-ending medication close at hand
meant an ongoing dilemma
of when to use it.
It was now two months
since we'd first met.
After a period of catching
up with friends and spending time
with loved ones, he'd deteriorated,
and there was a question
of whether he might have waited
too long to take his fatal dose.
How's it been?
Um, very up and down.
We've had those wonderful,
good, happy moments
and days, and encouraging…
And then, um, you know, then the
nausea sets in, and that's
when he's the most miserable.
The last clear conversation you had
with Gus about this, what…?
It was yesterday.
What were his thoughts,
what did he express?
Oh, I know, I said…
And he said, "I'm making
my commitment to you."
And I said, "You mean commitment
of the marriage vows,
"in sickness and in health…?"
And he said, "And how much of me do
you want in the sickness part?"
SHE LAUGHS
And so, um…
Today is the first day that he
didn't awaken
and say hi to me and…
And I would like to check
on him right now.
You go check on him.
Do you need oxygen?
Gus was disorientated
from painkillers and his chemo.
I wasn't sure how much
of him I would meet.
Sometimes the medication
is so soothing that I feel
so good, and feel so happy laying
here, that I'm just so pleased
and so happy and so glad to be here.
I think I'll just, uh…
…have a great, sunny day!
And then I realise, but it's not
really…
There's a…
There's a medication.
Do you think it's artificial?
It's artificial.
It's artificial, it's not real, you
know?
Do you feel you've got mental
clarity most of the time?
Well, I think I feel like I have
mental clarity.
But… When I speak, I don't!
THEY LAUGH
Um, having the end-of-life
medications is maybe
a source of comfort that you know
that they are there,
but not something you are actively
planning towards.
True, and yet, it's a burden, too,
because it applies pressure
on your loved ones too.
Do you think so?
They don't want you to go.
Do you feel pressure from us
because we don't want you to go?
And therefore you feel…
I feel like I'm letting you down.
If you decide to take it.
When I decide to take
that option, yeah.
It becomes more and more difficult,
more and more complex for me.
If you permitted yourself to act
completely selfishly,
what do you suppose you would do?
Well, I'd be the hell out of here.
- Would you?
- Yeah, yeah.
I'd be gone.
Although, what love do I have now?
You'd still have it.
I'd still have love for you,
no matter what.
- I know, but I'm letting you down.
- You're not.
No, you're not.
DOORBELL RINGS
I've come to appreciate
those about me so much more.
I'll go and let her in.
Reyanna left the room,
leaving me and Gus alone.
It's nice catching up with you, Gus.
- Are you OK?
- Mm-hm.
He was saying, erm,
when you popped out…
He said…
He said that…
He said, "I want to go
in the next four or five days."
Mm.
If you were behaving
completely selfishly,
and purely without consideration
for…
um…what Gus was going through…
Mm-hm.
What would you want?
Selfishly…
I could say,
"OK, go ahead and do it."
Because then I can
get on with my life.
But… And not have to see you every
day suffer the way
that you're suffering.
But it's also consideration of him
making that decision.
He's thinking about what he wants
for himself, but he's also
thinking about how it will affect
you,
- and you're doing the same.
- Right, yeah.
So there's this sort of second
guessing of each other's intentions
- that can become complicated.
- Right.
But it comes down
to 100% letting him…
And maybe that's not right,
maybe that's putting too much
of a burden on him, to call it,
when he's ready to call it.
Gus and Reyanna seemed to be doing
a kind of dance around each other,
both understandably reluctant
to spell out what they wanted
in a decision-making process
so final and so profound,
it was almost paralysing.
In Portland, Brian and Lowrey called
to say they'd just arrived back
from seeing Debra.
And they had news.
So, um…
So, what's been happening?
Debra called us yesterday and said
she was ready, and so Lowrey
and I drove down this morning and
got there about eight o'clock,
and then she died.
And both of you were
present for that?
She was so ready.
And so grateful, that it was
good to be with her,
I was very glad to be there.
We were her two best friends
over the last month.
But that'll tell you
something about her state.
How much can you say
about her discovery plan?
Well, the discovery plan was,
she sent letters to the police
and she sent a letter to her lawyer,
and she had a friend
that was going to deliver something
to her today, and she had us put
a letter on the door to tell
the person that called not to come
in, the door was locked.
But to call 911 and have them come.
So, that was her plan.
So, uh, the police, when they get
there, will find her, um,
her death kit, and, erm…
I'm just wondering, is there likely
to be an investigation
based on that?
- No.
- Why not?
The bottom line is that there's no
law against killing yourself.
Is the name Final Exit Network,
or your names, anywhere
in the paperwork at the house?
Hopefully not.
But, quite honestly, even if there
were,
and even if they decided
they wanted to do that,
they have almost no indication
that anybody did anything wrong.
She basically said,
"I did this on my own",
there's no proof, there's not even
any proof anybody was there.
So, I'm not worried
about an investigation.
If the District Attorney there sees
all this in six months
or whenever you guys do it,
I'm not concerned.
We advertise what we do,
everybody knows what we do.
So I could imagine people
seeing this and thinking,
there's something ghoulish
about going around helping people
to die, right?
And, even if the arguments
make sense…
Ghoulish is in the eyes
of the beholder.
There must be something
a little off-beam about people
who want to do that.
- Does that sort of make sense?
- Mm-hm.
It's not for everybody.
So your firm feeling is -
you did a good deed today?
Yes.
We provided a service to help
somebody manage their death
on their own terms.
I think there are a lot
of people who are,
especially older people,
who have nothing to live for.
They're suffering,
they're in pain and they live
because our society says you should
not give up and quit.
She's a perfect case
for a person who says,
"You know, if I die tomorrow,
nobody is going to miss me.
"And I'm going to be better
off, because I'm not going
"to be suffering and I can
be back with David."
That's her belief.
Brian's vision of a society
in which people should give up
and accept death was sad
and a little strange to hear,
though I wondered
if it had some truth.
I only worried, with his talk
of loneliness, that someone
might end their life simply
because they felt alone.
The moral issues around end-of-life
seemed easier when the person
involved was still
with friends and family.
Gus has decided it was time.
Having called to inform his doctor,
he had taken
the life-ending cocktail.
All along, it had been his wish
that his manner of death could serve
to show a different
way of leaving life.
And so his family
had invited me back.
Hi, Chris?
How are you doing?
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
Love you, Daddy.
I arrived four hours after
the moment he'd taken the drugs
to find family and friends
in a bedside vigil.
Gus was in a deep sleep.
You're loved, Gus, you're cherished.
And you gave us all
wonderful memories.
Oh, my gosh, we have so
many fun Gus stories.
It's OK if you go now.
And he said he wanted a party going
out, so we're doing our best
to laugh, but it's…
We brought your Champagne and
whisky!
- The Champagne is nice.
- That's right.
And the whisky and the Champagne
are on their way!
Love you, Daddy.
Good little brother,
good little brother.
- He loved you girls.
- Mm.
- And he especially loved Reyanna.
- Yeah.
Fell in love with her
when she was 14.
If you can hear me, Gus, I'd just
like to say thank you
for allowing us to get to know
you over the last couple of months,
and I feel very lucky to have got
to know you a little bit.
HE SNORES
Well, thank you, guys, he wanted
this.
So, you're helping
to fulfil his wish.
He's been a long-time advocate
for the right to die
- on your own terms.
- Mm.
And he wanted to be a part
of this conversation.
He did say that.
Thank you for that, Gus.
We appreciate that.
This morning, he said,
"I'm through suffering,
"I'm tired, I want to go.
"But I need your permission."
He needed your permission
to do this?
Yes, he did.
I thought for sure
that I had it in me to do that.
But I…
But I did for the first time
break down with him.
And he said, "OK, that's good, let's
say how we feel
"about this, let's…"
Break down in what way?
I mean, I broke down and cried and
sobbed.
I hadn't done that with him.
I wonder why you hadn't
done that before.
Just because he wanted me
to be strong, you know.
Because it was a tough thing to make
that choice and decision,
because you're still alive.
But at what level, you know?
Did he say anything
after he'd taken it?
Um, just about how much he didn't
want to disappoint anyone,
that he loved everybody.
And he lived a great life.
Let your soul take flight
and enter the spirit world.
A family friend who happened
to be a doctor was among those
present keeping an eye on Gus.
How is it going in there?
I think it's going as well as one
could expect, except
- it's going very slowly.
- Mm.
This may not be an entirely
adequate dose.
Which means what?
So, it's unclear when he might wake
up, if he were to wake up.
The other option is they might…
Hang on, you think there's a chance
he could come round?
- That's correct.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
- And be…?
Uh, after a few days, be fairly
responsive, yeah.
I understand these
things have happened,
from what little
I've read about them.
Mm.
But, um…
What to expect here, I have no idea.
VIOLIN PLAYS
Gus's wish of a last party with
friends and family,
fuelled with Dom Perignon,
turned out to be not much shy
of the mark.
With music provided
by his daughter Lillian.
I'm so relieved,
I'm sure everybody…
I don't know for sure,
but I think so.
- Do you want to come and listen?
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
- Have you got your stethoscope?
I have my stethoscope.
I'll move out the way
so you can get in here.
Love you, Daddy.
You're the best Daddy ever.
7.5 hours after he'd taken
the lethal dose, Gus died.
THEY SOB
We partied till the end.
We did it the way you wanted it to
be done.
We did it the way you asked.
Thanks for staying around
for us, giving us time.
We love you, Gus.
You're so valuable.
So wonderful.
You're treasured,
you will be remembered,
we will tell Raylin all about you.
He will grow up knowing his
grandfather loved him.
A musician and carer.
A family man and adventurer.
Above all, he'd lived
a life of his choosing
and was now leaving it,
having made his final decision.
It is hard to imagine a decision
freighted with more gravity
than whether to end one's life.
In exploring the choices
being offered in America,
I'd seen reasons to be concerned.
The dangers of an attitude that
devalues society's most vulnerable.
The stresses of having to make such
a huge decision.
But I had also met people facing
death and uncertainty
who found comfort in exercising what
they viewed as the right
to die well.
contains some strong language.
- There's two bottles.
- Mm-hm. Those
mix together and you drink it down.
"Death often occurs
within 30 minutes.
"In rare cases, it may take
24 hours or longer."
- That's quite something, isn't it?
- Mm-hm.
Getting this drug to kill me
has allowed me to live.
That's the paradox.
I was in America spending time
among people looking to take control
over their deaths.
Seven states now offer
the terminally ill the option
of ending their lives with
a prescribed cocktail of medication.
When he says,
"OK, I'm ready to go"…
Like, can I get you anything else
besides that
to make you change your mind?
And so, when I hear myself
saying that, I also think,
"Well, maybe I haven't accepted
that he's going to take it".
There are also groups
looking to push further.
This is all the equipment a person
uses, and I have it here
because I want to be ready.
Is that your personal equipment,
for personal use only?
Yes.
I've got two - one for me
and one for my wife.
But the practice still
has many opponents…
If you're healing people, if you're
treating them to get better,
how can you then
turn around and say,
"Well, now I'm going to help you
die"?
And raises the question -
how much control should
we have over our own deaths?
Making this decision was not easy.
It is the hardest decision
I've ever had to make.
Let me show you my back yard,
it's kind of fun.
So, we have chickens…
Very nice!
Little touch of the farmyard.
Yeah.
Come here, girls, come here…
In San Luis Obispo, California, I
was with retired
respiratory therapist Gus Thomason.
Come here, come here.
Here, let me grab one.
Wow. Lunch?
Have you been here a while, Gus?
54 years.
In this very spot?
- Uh-huh.
- How about that?!
It's a great old house.
It's beautiful.
Where did you grow up?
Uh, Denton, Argyle, Texas.
And Dallas, Texas.
- So, you're not a California native?
- I'm not.
And people say, "Well, what brought
you to California?"
And I say, "Texas!"
THEY LAUGH
You didn't feel you fitted in in
Texas?
We were…
You were too free-spirited
for that part of the world!
Well, looking back, perhaps not…
Perhaps they were merely too uptight
for us!
Yeah.
THEY LAUGH
You guys want a little tour of the
place?
Yeah, sure, why not?
I'll show you some
old pictures on the wall.
That's Reyanna.
- Oh, wow!
- I know, it's amazing!
- That's Reyanna, your wife!
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's my mom.
- Yeah.
Poor misshapen thing!
THEY LAUGH
What first attracted you to her?!
THEY LAUGH
- Where are you in that picture?
- That's me.
- With the beard?
- Yeah!
Looking vaguely Amish!
Wow.
Gus is 74, a father to twin
daughters, and new grandfather.
He had been enjoying an active
retirement when his life was changed
by a diagnosis of stage
four pancreatic cancer.
Come here, Bobo.
Given less than six months to live,
he qualified for California's
End Of Life Options Act,
known as AB15.
Um, how soon after the diagnosis did
you come to this decision?
I mean, that had been a personal
philosophy of mine all my life.
I deal with death
and dying and hospitals.
And, I mean, I knew that the way
I was going to go,
I would not die of suffering.
I mean, it's going to kill me.
Why should I wait for it to do that?
I'll kill it!
But as far as using this aided dying
option,
Reyanna, how did
you feel about that?
Well, I remember saying to him
the day he was saying
how he didn't want to be…
A burden, a victim, and I said,
"We'll do what we did for Madaila,"
which was one of our daughter's dogs
that recently had died, that we…
It was a beautiful death.
The vet actually came to their home
and the dog was snapping
on the front porch, and we all
petted her and loved her and got
around her and they injected her.
She just went to sleep.
If this option didn't exist,
what would you be doing now?
Well, I have a 357 Magnum.
That I was looking at.
- Seriously?
- Snub-nosed… Oh, yeah.
And I looked at that and I went,
"God, what a mess!"
I thought about going real fast
on my motorcycle and hitting a wall,
but those things are not 100%.
And they do have hospice,
but hospice way of putting
you down is to just put you in a
coma and then you basically die
of dehydration and starvation.
That's God's way, pardon me.
But, you know, I want AB15.
And it needs to be more socially
acceptable.
And perhaps my participation in this
will bring it out
a little bit further.
And hopefully it'll be a fun party,
and I'll go out with some
class and style!
THEY LAUGH
He's trying to get some
wine off that cork!
Yeah!
It turns out it's a pretty good
teether.
My grandson's my immortality.
What's his name again?
- Raylin.
- Raylin.
Hello! He looks a bit shocked.
You didn't know that that was
going to happen!
Oh, he, you know…
He's got to look
at you and see who you are.
Hello.
That little baby just got so much
light and love in his eye.
Wow!
THEY LAUGH
How about that?
You want to bounce?
Yes, he loves to bounce.
What a happy little dude!
THEY LAUGH
California's End Of Life Options Act
allows physicians to prescribe
life-ending medication to anyone
with six months or less to live,
of sound mind, and strong enough
to administer their own lethal dose.
It is intended to prevent
needless suffering.
In 2017, throughout the state, 374
people used it to end their lives.
The vast majority were over 60.
But there are many who are younger
and considering the option.
- So, fill me in?
- So…
SHE COUGHS
My lungs, they said they sound
clear,
but I'm all congested up here.
You don't feel clear.
And the last couple of scans
showed that my thyroid
is doing weird things,
like one side is dying back
and the other side's growing.
In San Jose, I was with 47-year-old
Lori Wallace and her husband,
Mark.
Anything else on your mind?
I don't think so.
Did you have to renew the…?
Is it six months that you have
to renew the paperwork for the…?
Oh, yeah, the end-of-life option.
Because I have lived
past that six-month timeframe,
I want to make sure
that that is taken care of.
Mm-hm.
Your visit here puts us back
into the confirming that…
Right. Awesome.
It's the same criteria,
you have to be able to…
- Self-administer.
- Self-administer.
You have to be able to make
the decision.
Right.
If you want me to be there,
I can be there.
But I will be phone-available
throughout.
I have started planning my death
and planning things around my death.
But I haven't planned the actual -
"OK, when I'm dying,
"how is that going to look?"
You don't know until you know,
and then you'll let me know.
Right. Yeah, exactly.
I'll follow your lead and I'll keep
having the conversation.
Thank you.
These are nice.
- Yeah, my babies.
- Wow.
So, you've got two sons?
Some of these are very old… Yes.
- Named?
- Evan and Braden.
And Braden is 11 now.
- Yes.
- Wow.
So, where is the cancer now?
Everywhere.
It's in my liver, it's in my lungs,
in my bones.
It's in my lymphatic system
completely.
I even have a spot on my
forehead right here.
And the fact that I have the spot
on the forehead might indicate
that it's in my brain as well.
But we haven't done an MRI, and I
don't even want to know right now.
I just… I can't deal with it.
Um…
It's too much to take on board.
Mm-hm.
And, six months ago, um…
…they told you that you had six
months to live, is that right?
Well, technically, I've had
six months to live for 3.5 years!
SHE LAUGHS
So, um…
Once you're diagnosed
with metastatic cancer, um…
…there is no telling
how long you'll survive.
So, what's informing this decision
that you've taken?
How we die impacts the people
we leave behind for the rest
of their lives.
I mean, my husband has to work,
my kid has to go to school.
Why would I want to force them
to watch me become so broken?
I mean, I'm sure that it's already
been traumatic enough for them.
Mm.
Have they had input
into the decision?
They just support whatever I want.
- You've got the snake out!
- Yeah.
That's Frindall.
Frindall…
Where's he gone?
Just…
He's going up.
Feels like he's nibbling me.
Can Frindall kill a rat?
Oh, easily.
If he got your hand
and then constricted
it, he could kill your hand.
Which is like cutting
off blood circulation.
Why are you only
telling me this now?
Because this is when you asked me.
Do you know much about why
we're doing our documentary?
I do know a little bit, but not
much.
What do you understand
it to be about?
About how it's like
living with an illness.
Your mom's illness.
Yeah.
Are you OK talking about it?
Yeah.
And how much do you know
about your mum's illness?
A lot more than I could explain.
And you understand it to be
life-threatening, is that correct?
Yep.
I tell them whatever
I have just learnt.
But, I mean, it's been the same
story for years now,
it's like, "Well, I could be dead
in a couple of months," you know?
But we still get along really good,
and he knows I love him like crazy.
Does Braden know
about the aid in dying?
Oh, he's…
Yes, he's heard about the California
End Of Life Options Act.
Mm-hm.
He's heard me explain
it to a lot of people.
Like, why would someone
do that, what is…?
Because they're in so much pain,
they'd rather be dead.
- But they are going to die anyway.
- Yeah.
Because you know I wouldn't…
I don't want to die.
I'm trying to make
the last bit less bad.
And that's all.
What are you actually drawing?
He's doing a picture
of the boom pole!
Yes, he is!
- That's very good!
- Yeah!
He is documenting
the documentary-makers!
Yeah!
THEY LAUGH
That's the thingamajig!
Physician-assisted dying
is legal in seven states,
and is being considered in 23 more.
But there are those for whom the new
laws don't go far enough.
In Oregon, which has had end-of-life
legislation for more than 20 years,
I was with Lowrey Brown
and Brian Ruder.
Debra, it's Brian.
So, we're in the car,
we'll see you about two o'clock.
OK. Thanks.
Lowrey and Brian are volunteers
for Final Exit Network,
a controversial group that goes
further than the existing laws,
offering technical advice to people
who wish to die but aren't
necessarily terminally ill.
They call themselves "exit guides".
- Hey, Louis?
- Yes?
For anywhere and anyone who's asking
you what you're doing here,
if you'd be kind enough to just say
you're filming a documentary
on brain injuries.
Um, it's important to us that…
These are small towns, it's
important to us that nobody know
that somebody's considering
hastening her death.
What is the legal situation?
Because, there is a line
that you can't cross,
isn't there, but what is the line?
That's assistance.
We cannot assist.
We will be there to instruct,
and to, you know,
help make sure that she understands
how to do it the easiest way.
All we're doing is talking.
And that's all protected
by the first amendment.
We were on our way to Pacific City,
visiting a new client,
65-year-old Debra Koosed.
"Application is accepted
for assignment of guides".
It says, "Key features
regarding decision,
"terminal illness - no.
"Reduced life expectancy - probably.
"Mentally competent - yes.
"Friends, family, support
of members intent -
"client has neither close
family nor close friends".
Right.
- How do you do?
- Hello!
- Nice to meet you, how are you?
- Nice to meet you.
Make yourself comfortable.
Thank you. Should I take my
shoes off, do you think?
It's up to you, it doesn't matter.
- Well, they're pretty clean.
- I'm not fussy.
I, Debra Koosed, am a
mentally-competent adult,
able to make end-of-life decisions.
I request that the Final Exit
Network assign a guide to inform me
of legal ways to end my life.
I understand that all other options
for care and comfort remain
available to me until
the moment I cause my death.
Debra was living with the physical
ailments resulting from a serious
car crash, including
dementia-like symptoms.
It was only the second time Brian
and Lowrey had met her in person.
I have pictures that show you
each step.
I also have actually
all this equipment myself,
- so we can make a hood side-by-side.
- Oh!
What's your best learning style?
I'm a visual-type person.
Show me, and I usually get it.
- Do you have tubing in that bag?
- Yes.
- The tubing is right here.
Perfect, yeah,
we'll pull everything out.
So if we give yourself
a little bit of space here…
The occasion for the visit
was to explain how to assemble
a device that Debra
could use to end her life.
We usually check just
to make sure that it fits
around your neck reasonably snuggly.
I think that's fine.
Debra had bought all the equipment
herself.
This, in addition to free speech
laws,
is another way Brian and Lowrey
protect themselves
from prosecution for assisting
in a suicide.
So, then, take your tubing.
And you want to sort of place it
within a couple of inches
of the edge here.
And then take a little piece
of tape,
and just tack this down right
there like that.
So, like this.
We've been advised not to show
too much technical detail.
Suffice it to say,
it was a little surreal.
The friendliness of the encounter…
Now, the magic.
And, at the same time,
the seriousness
of what was being planned.
Well, you're really good.
You may be the best we've ever had.
That was quite intense.
For me, anyway.
I mean, as an experience,
not something you do every day,
as they say.
How are you feeling after that?
I feel great!
THEY LAUGH
I know that that sounds…horrible.
- It sounds like you!
- Yeah, I know!
- I think it's wonderful!
- Yeah.
We don't know whether you'll
choose to have an exit guide,
assuming you went ahead with this,
but there's no-one else
you would have here, you don't have
a friend you would…?
If my husband were alive, he would
have been my exit guide.
Mm.
We had talked about that.
It's never easy to watch
somebody you love die.
- It's just not.
- No.
What about someone
you don't know very well?
I only tell you about my thing.
I feel…
I feel a loss, and then I feel
very good that I'm able to help,
and it's very rewarding, it's very
gratifying for me. I…
I hate to see a person die,
but I feel so good that they're able
to die on their own terms,
so it's quite…
For me, it's quite gratifying.
I wanted to get a better sense of
what was behind Debra's decision.
I asked Brian and Lowrey
to give us some time alone.
We began by talking
about her husband, David,
who'd died five months earlier.
He had quite the moustache,
didn't he?
Oh, yes!
That was like a signature.
That was David's signature.
Did you know him at this stage,
the one of David Crosby
here in the middle?
That is David in his hippie days.
Did you know him when he was
rocking the hippie look?
No, and had I, I never
would have dated him!
You would have said -
"Cut your hair!"
Yes, I would!
- I quite like that.
- He was such the opposite of me.
He was free-spirited…
It was the Yin and the Yang.
Yes.
So, it's hard to know
where to begin.
When I look at you,
I see a vibrant, attractive,
humorous person who I would assume
has lots to live for.
So, what am I missing?
I'm losing everything that makes
everything worthwhile.
To me, my brain is what
made life everything.
And it's no longer
working like it used to.
I don't have quality of life
physically.
I'm just existing.
And existing today is so difficult,
because David did…
He was my arms and my legs.
I mean, I've been to memory
support facilities,
where there have been residents
with advanced dementia
who have experienced
what you could call loss
of personhood, but it's very hard
to say that they don't
have quality of life in some ways.
Those facilities might
be good facilities.
They're also 5,000-6,000 a month.
And I don't even have
that kind of money.
Timeframe-wise, I would like to exit
in the next 30 days.
Where will you be,
do you think, if and when?
Probably right there,
looking out there.
- Here?
- Yeah.
It's the best view of Haystack Rock.
And if I get it on a day
when the splash-over is happening
on the Cape, that would
just be an added bonus.
You say you're pretty
sure about doing this…
Yes, I still find it amusing
that you're questioning it.
It's sort of my job.
My question to you is -
would you want to live this life?
Who knows?
How could you know unless you were
experiencing it yourself?
And right now, there are people
out there
that are afraid to talk about it.
It scares them.
Death is a scary thing.
I'm not afraid of dying any more.
At a bar down the hill,
I met up with Brian and Lowrey.
It's been said that she has
dementia-like symptoms, probably
related to a brain injury, correct?
And part of brain injuries,
often it involves depression
or emotional volatility, right?
And suicidal thoughts, quite often.
Is it an issue if her urge
to end her life is in part a symptom
of her brain injury?
I think that the accident,
her husband dying, the depression,
whatever, I think those things
have speeded things up.
But in the big context of things,
whether she dies in two months or
two years, it's her choice.
And if you look at the situation
before her, if she runs out of money
and they take her house,
she then goes under government
nursing facilities where she goes
into a room that's 8x10
with another person in it,
and it's a quality-of-life issue
for her.
So, those decisions are partly
conditioned by situations,
factors that are controllable,
right?
Support of loved ones,
social life, material concerns,
how much money you have.
- Symptoms that can be alleviated. So…
- Can they be?
Well… Well, they can be
to an extent, can't they?
How is she going to alleviate
her financial symptoms?
She's got cognitive decline,
she can't find work.
She has no family to give her money.
That's why I was trying to say…
I think I was making
a broader point, erm,
is it the symptom of a society
that's not doing enough
to support its most vulnerable?
Well, that's always the case,
I think.
As I tell a lot of the clients
that we deal with,
you know, in general,
nobody cares if old people die…
…except family.
I left Lowrey and Brian unsure
what to make of their role as tutors
of death.
Respectful of their evident belief
in their principles,
but also a little worried
by their zeal.
I'd arranged to spend some more time
with Gus and his family.
Since I'd last seen him, he'd been
sent his dose of life-ending
medication at a cost of 350.
- Hi! This is my husband.
- Chris.
Chris, nice to meet you.
How do you do?
I arrived to find Gus was still
in bed after a bad morning.
- Hi, Gus.
- Welcome back.
This is my Clinessa, that you never
got to meet.
We didn't meet.
Hi, Clinessa, I'm Louis,
nice to meet you.
Hi.
I'm sorry it's in such
circumstances.
So, this is my kit.
It really consists of, um…
These are two single pills that I
think I'd take an hour before.
Those are the anti-nausea?
Anti-nausea. And a kind of a
tranquilliser of some sort.
Yeah, and then this is the…the
stuff.
It's just a white powder, and you
mix it up with apple juice.
And not much instructions.
Swallow, die, repeat if necessary!
THEY LAUGH
Sure you don't want to do it with
some Dom Perignon or something?!
I would, because it would
really increase the effectiveness,
but I can't keep anything down.
Yeah.
I'd love to take it
with Dom Perignon.
- Oh, well, we can have it on standby.
- Yeah!
Yeah, you'll drink it!
THEY LAUGH
Gus, in some cases, I know,
patients in your situation,
there's pressure from the family.
And so I'm just curious,
how is that…?
Are you all on the same page?
Well, not…
I mean, I would have gone probably
a couple of weeks ago
if I had had my…
But I told Reyanna, you know,
in order to get her support…
Uh, I said I'd go through chemo.
HE SOBS
And so that's what I'm doing.
But I'm afraid I'm going to wait
too long for my AB15.
You know, if you get too sick,
you can't hold anything down.
And one of the tenets
of the whole programme is -
you've got to be able to take
the medicine yourself.
You little scallywag!
You little cutie!
BABY WAILS
Baby!
Come here!
Careful, he'll crawl on you.
I know what he wants,
he wants to take my glasses off.
THEY LAUGH
This is the game we play!
Little blue-eyed thing!
He won't even remember me!
But we have such a rapport.
Such a connection, mm-hm.
Oh, he's going to remember you,
because you're going to be talked
about a lot.
We'll tell him all about you.
See, he remembers you.
Let's get a hug.
In a few short weeks, Gus had made
a marked physical decline.
All indications were
that he was still intent
on using the life-ending medication.
But that still left the question
of when to do it, and how his family
could best support him.
So, how are you doing?
It's hard, because he wants
to be strong for us
and he's the one that's dying!
So, it's like, you know…
He keeps apologising, you know,
"I'm sorry I'm so much trouble,
"I'm sorry you're having
to go through this."
And he's the one that's
really having to go
through it, you know.
Today is the first time he's sat
up since he went to the chemo.
I even have to go into
the room and check to see
if he's still breathing.
And he said in there that if it had
been up to him,
he would have done it
a couple of weeks ago.
- Was that a surprise?
- No.
- You knew that?
- Because I understood…
I mean, I've seen him,
what he's gone through the last
three weeks, you know?
To stay around and do as much
as he can
and give us as much time as we can.
What must make it so hard, in a way,
is that no matter how bad it gets,
there's still little moments…
Yeah. Mm-hm.
- He is fighting.
- Yeah, he is fighting.
I think there's a also
understandable almost knee-jerk
reaction, that you are rooting for
someone,
by rooting for them to continue
living.
Mm-hm. Yes.
And that you don't want to be
defeatist.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
So maybe part of us is
uncomfortable with the idea
of respecting that decision.
Yeah, here's the real thing, yeah.
Seeing Gus with his family,
it struck me how difficult
it must be to offer the right kind
of support
to someone nearing the end.
The issue was even more glaring
when, as with Final Exit Network,
those offering advice to the ill
and vulnerable are near strangers
working in a legal grey area.
In fact, the group has been
prosecuted several times.
Doreen Dunn was 57 years old,
living with chronic pain
for ten years.
She secretly called Final Exit
and died from asphyxiation…
She eventually decided
to take her life with the advice,
encouragement and assistance
of an organisation known
as the Final Exit Network.
In 2015, they received
their only felony conviction,
in Minnesota, after two exit guides
aided the death of Doreen Dunn,
a musician and mother of two,
without informing her husband.
They say they are now more careful
to involve families,
but the case raised questions
about their practices.
- Hello.
- Good morning.
Can we come in? How is it going,
Brian?
Very good, thank you.
In Portland, I was back with Brian.
Would you like some coffee?
I'd love some.
We have some Girl Scout cookies.
Thank you, don't mind if I do.
Please, they're quite good.
Mm, nice.
Have you been seeing anything
of Debra since we last…?
I haven't.
You know, we don't do much with
people once we do the first visit,
it's sort of for them
to get back to us.
I was reading up on what happened
in Minnesota with Doreen Dunn.
Are you not vulnerable
to being prosecuted again?
If other states were to adopt
the Minnesota issue,
we might face places where we would
have to be more careful
and we couldn't provide our
services.
You don't worry about that?
I don't worry about it,
because, again, I don't think
it's wrong to tell people
their options on what they can do
to end their life.
What is the rubric in terms
of reasons they can give for wanting
to end their life?
So, primarily, they have to give us
something that says they have a lot
of pain and suffering, and they can
back it up with medical records.
So, where on the spectrum does
Alzheimer's and dementia fall?
Are those considered
for you reasons to…?
Yes, they are valid, they're within
our policy, yes.
Because that's not pain, is it?
For some people,
it's a psychological pain.
And for people like Debra,
who are really afraid
that they're going to lose
their capacity to take care
of themselves, or to control their
life,
it's becomes a very significant
psychological issue.
It's so difficult, isn't it?
Because people with dementia do have
desires, but at the same token,
how do you decide what is a
consistent expression
of a long-term desire?
So, I had a sister who lived
with dementia for four years
in a memory care facility,
and I visited her.
And… And I watched her life,
I watched…
…her not remember who anything,
who anybody was.
I watched her exist,
living in a little room,
by herself, and I saw that
and I said,
"That's not a life I ever want
to have."
Because I don't believe that anybody
intentionally wants to live
in dementia if they don't have to.
That's a very bold statement,
because it's only a short step
from that to saying,
"I don't believe that someone
"would want to live
in profound disability."
That's very different. The brain is
much more important than the body.
But brain includes disability.
Of course, but I'm just saying,
if you look at Hawkins
and all these people, you know,
they make significant contributions,
they live very difficult,
but very productive lives.
And I'm… I think a lot of people
with disabilities are able
to do that.
People with dementia don't
have the same capacity.
So it's very different, I don't…
I don't think there's even
close proximity in terms
of dementia and disability,
personally.
With the stakes so high, it was
troubling to hear Brian presume
that almost anyone would rather die
than live with serious dementia.
It seemed a slippery slope
from that to devaluing the lives
of all those with mental
disabilities.
I wondered about Debra,
and whether enough thought
had been given to her reasons
for taking the decision.
I decided to pay her another visit.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- There you go.
- There she blows!
- There she blows.
- How are you doing?
- I'm cold, how about you?
It's chilly out there,
I'm telling you.
- Lead on.
- Lead on! Follow me!
Wheel away!
Wheel away!
There's a deer outside the window!
Oh, right in front of us.
There's two, the one on the left
is, if anything, closer.
We planted deer-resistant food,
so what they're eating is the stuff
we want them to eat.
- So they're working.
- Yep.
Very cool.
So, how's it been going?
Since we saw you, what have you been
up to?
Going through files
and paperwork and…things.
Have your thoughts moved on at all?
As far as what?
As far as this big decision
that you were talking about making.
I'm not happy doing what I'm doing.
But the alternative is worse.
The fact that I forgot how to put on
my make-up
and had to go watch videos
to learn again how to do something
that I've done
most of my adult life.
I forgot.
So, little by little, me, who I was,
who I am…
is slowly leaving.
I'm not comfortable with that.
So, things like mementos
of your life with David, and also
photos of you growing up,
things like that,
what will happen to those?
Believe it or not, I've already gone
through and purged a lot of those.
- What, literally thrown them away?
- Mm-hm.
I have no family to give them to.
Who's going to want to see my
pictures, if I don't have a family?
See, if you can still work a TV…
Ah, there I am!
You are! Look at that!
What year is this?
This is 1986…
'86 or '87.
This is my very first time
that they're filming me getting
up and speaking about my career
as they were training me
how to talk.
- Have you seen this already?
- Yes.
You took a look at this…
I took a
look at it. I had to.
I had a chuckle, it was fun.
The main focus of this review is to
build a partnership.
We want to assist you, because if
we make you successful,
we also become successful.
APPLAUSE
Very good!
You always had good phrasing…
- Oh, look there's more.
- There's more! I didn't know that!
I hadn't seen this part!
One-on-one, I want to talk to you
about being gregarious,
and when I see all of you,
I get really scared and I just go
right into content
and I don't do anything.
From what you're saying
about this sense of decline
that you feel, physical and mental,
and then you look back
at that and you think, what,
"That's me when I was…"
- I was at my prime.
- In your prime.
- Mm-hm.
It's very difficult for me to talk
to you about this in some ways,
because there's some
part of me that feels
that just by having
the conversation, I'm kind of,
erm, acquiescing
in a decision that,
um, is so huge.
And clearly it's your decision,
but there's a part of me that wants
to, I guess, discourage
you from doing it.
Human nature.
And then there's another part of me
that wants to give you the respect
of allowing you to make
this decision without me bothering
you with questions about it.
And I know that when people watch
this, they're going to look at me
and say, "There's nothing
wrong with this person."
"Listen to the way she talks!"
"She's got it together!"
Yes. "Look how great she looks!"
Right!
I know that in the position
I soon will be in,
it's not a quality of life,
it's not life.
Mm-hm.
What's happening is happening to me.
It's not happening to anybody else.
This is me, and it's just about me.
If David hadn't died,
would that change the equation?
If David were still alive,
this would not be a consideration.
He was literally my everything.
He was my world.
And I miss him so much.
You know, a bereavement like that,
of course, would be hugely painful.
But it's also something
that you can recover from.
Not totally, but,
you know, gradually,
incrementally, over time.
And so…
You make that sound so simple,
and yet I don't see that ever
happening with me.
I could never get
over the loss of David.
They talk about broken heart
syndrome, and I know that I have it.
I still hold hands
with him at night.
And sometimes I can feel
his pulse on my hand.
And you believe
you will see him again?
Absolutely.
So, from here, I guess we will just
be checking in with you.
You know, it's really weird,
but it would have been nice
if I could reincarnate myself
for just a brief moment to come back
and watch this show!
Well, we'll look into it!
If there was a way
you could send it up!
Beam it up, we'll put it
on the cloud!
There you go! Thank you!
Put it on the cloud,
I'll go visit it.
Thank you so much, really appreciate
it, thank you.
Thank you.
Good luck with this.
I left Debra not knowing
whether I would see her again.
It was strange to note that,
but for other concerns
unrelated to her illness,
like money woes and the loss
of her husband, she might not
be considering such a drastic step.
I could only think how sad it
seemed, and yet how difficult
to deny her her choice.
Hey, Mom!
Yeah? Oh, look at this!
This is the spot.
Oh, it's gorgeous!
I'd been invited back to see
Lori and her family.
I just can't believe
how we've got it to ourselves.
You know, there's
just no-one around.
- It's beautiful.
- It's amazing.
- Mm-hm.
I feel like Sir Francis Drake.
Don't you?
Picnic benches…
I do.
That's mine!
I know how he must have felt when he
arrived and found a picnic bench…
- They were probably… Yeah.
- …that the Native Americans…
- Had built for them?
- …had kindly erected.
It was a different time!
Against the odds, Lori's health
had rebounded after she'd started
a course of chemo.
But it had also caused an alarming
emotional episode.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
It's crazy to me that I cannot only
be here, but walk around.
Ah, I don't know, I don't know
how to even use words to describe
what that feels like,
it's just…
I guess just grateful, you know.
I understand you had some low
moments after Christmas.
Oh, yeah.
You were very down.
I actually got to the point of being
suicidal at one moment, yes.
Are you OK talking about
this in front of Braden?
He knows, he knows all of it.
So, what happened?
So, the chemotherapy that I'm on
obviously caused something
with the serotonin in my brain…
But the thing is,
it's just like any mental illness,
when you're in it, you don't really
have perspective
about where you're at, right?
And Mark came in and did something,
he probably was trying to cheer me
up, but when you're crazy,
it's not funny, right?
And so if I had been my normal self,
I would have been like, "ha-ha",
and appreciated it, but
instead I got angry.
Like, crazy angry.
And we just got
in this raging fight.
He went and he was like,
"I gotta go and get dinner."
So he took off. And Braden got in
the shower and I…
I went off on him.
Were you upset about it, Braden?
Yes and no.
- Yeah. Pretty much.
- Of course you were.
Yeah, it was mean, it was just
incredibly mean and not OK.
And Mark came home, and he's like,
"You cannot talk to him like that."
And in my head, something snapped.
I already am pissed that I'm going
to be the one that causes so much
trauma to my family,
because I'm the mom.
I'm supposed to be the one
that helps them get through trauma,
not the one that causes trauma.
So, in that situation,
you were thinking,
"I'm doing more harm
than good in this family."
So, I should just die.
And in that moment, like right now,
it makes me, you know, cry.
But in that moment,
it seemed like a rational decision.
And I said something to Mark, of
that effect, I don't know exactly
how I said it, but like,
"you're right, it's me, you know,
"I've done the California End
Of Life Options Act thing
"so I can request
the cocktail tomorrow.
"And then we can just end
all of this, I won't torment
"you guys any more."
And he just looked at me…
You said that to Mark?
I did.
And he looked at me
and he was just like,
- "You're fuckin' crazy!"
- SHE LAUGHS
You could see it wasn't Lori
in her rational mind?
It was not even the same person.
I could see a workaround,
which is why we're here.
Right.
And not, you know, somewhere…
Figuring out all the stuff
of after I'm dead, yeah.
Because if I do end
up taking the cocktail,
we're going to have to have
a conversation about that,
like, when is enough enough?
I've been thinking that,
but they haven't necessarily.
And at what point is the point
when you decide that there is no
good coming of this, right?
It's a hard question, it's not easy.
Right.
It was awful to reflect
on what Lori, Mark and Braden
were having to endure.
But I also couldn't help feeling
that, in offering Lori
the reassurance of a measure
of control, the end-of-life option
had also given her a kind of nuclear
button, and the responsibility
of knowing when to push it.
This is ridiculous!
It was going so well,
and now I'm just…
Who shuffled this deck?!
This is, uh…
Cough, cough, Dad!
This is a major malfunction.
Wild, change it to yellow.
No, it's not.
You started this war!
So I'm going to finish it!
THEY LAUGH
With Gus, too, having the
life-ending medication close at hand
meant an ongoing dilemma
of when to use it.
It was now two months
since we'd first met.
After a period of catching
up with friends and spending time
with loved ones, he'd deteriorated,
and there was a question
of whether he might have waited
too long to take his fatal dose.
How's it been?
Um, very up and down.
We've had those wonderful,
good, happy moments
and days, and encouraging…
And then, um, you know, then the
nausea sets in, and that's
when he's the most miserable.
The last clear conversation you had
with Gus about this, what…?
It was yesterday.
What were his thoughts,
what did he express?
Oh, I know, I said…
And he said, "I'm making
my commitment to you."
And I said, "You mean commitment
of the marriage vows,
"in sickness and in health…?"
And he said, "And how much of me do
you want in the sickness part?"
SHE LAUGHS
And so, um…
Today is the first day that he
didn't awaken
and say hi to me and…
And I would like to check
on him right now.
You go check on him.
Do you need oxygen?
Gus was disorientated
from painkillers and his chemo.
I wasn't sure how much
of him I would meet.
Sometimes the medication
is so soothing that I feel
so good, and feel so happy laying
here, that I'm just so pleased
and so happy and so glad to be here.
I think I'll just, uh…
…have a great, sunny day!
And then I realise, but it's not
really…
There's a…
There's a medication.
Do you think it's artificial?
It's artificial.
It's artificial, it's not real, you
know?
Do you feel you've got mental
clarity most of the time?
Well, I think I feel like I have
mental clarity.
But… When I speak, I don't!
THEY LAUGH
Um, having the end-of-life
medications is maybe
a source of comfort that you know
that they are there,
but not something you are actively
planning towards.
True, and yet, it's a burden, too,
because it applies pressure
on your loved ones too.
Do you think so?
They don't want you to go.
Do you feel pressure from us
because we don't want you to go?
And therefore you feel…
I feel like I'm letting you down.
If you decide to take it.
When I decide to take
that option, yeah.
It becomes more and more difficult,
more and more complex for me.
If you permitted yourself to act
completely selfishly,
what do you suppose you would do?
Well, I'd be the hell out of here.
- Would you?
- Yeah, yeah.
I'd be gone.
Although, what love do I have now?
You'd still have it.
I'd still have love for you,
no matter what.
- I know, but I'm letting you down.
- You're not.
No, you're not.
DOORBELL RINGS
I've come to appreciate
those about me so much more.
I'll go and let her in.
Reyanna left the room,
leaving me and Gus alone.
It's nice catching up with you, Gus.
- Are you OK?
- Mm-hm.
He was saying, erm,
when you popped out…
He said…
He said that…
He said, "I want to go
in the next four or five days."
Mm.
If you were behaving
completely selfishly,
and purely without consideration
for…
um…what Gus was going through…
Mm-hm.
What would you want?
Selfishly…
I could say,
"OK, go ahead and do it."
Because then I can
get on with my life.
But… And not have to see you every
day suffer the way
that you're suffering.
But it's also consideration of him
making that decision.
He's thinking about what he wants
for himself, but he's also
thinking about how it will affect
you,
- and you're doing the same.
- Right, yeah.
So there's this sort of second
guessing of each other's intentions
- that can become complicated.
- Right.
But it comes down
to 100% letting him…
And maybe that's not right,
maybe that's putting too much
of a burden on him, to call it,
when he's ready to call it.
Gus and Reyanna seemed to be doing
a kind of dance around each other,
both understandably reluctant
to spell out what they wanted
in a decision-making process
so final and so profound,
it was almost paralysing.
In Portland, Brian and Lowrey called
to say they'd just arrived back
from seeing Debra.
And they had news.
So, um…
So, what's been happening?
Debra called us yesterday and said
she was ready, and so Lowrey
and I drove down this morning and
got there about eight o'clock,
and then she died.
And both of you were
present for that?
She was so ready.
And so grateful, that it was
good to be with her,
I was very glad to be there.
We were her two best friends
over the last month.
But that'll tell you
something about her state.
How much can you say
about her discovery plan?
Well, the discovery plan was,
she sent letters to the police
and she sent a letter to her lawyer,
and she had a friend
that was going to deliver something
to her today, and she had us put
a letter on the door to tell
the person that called not to come
in, the door was locked.
But to call 911 and have them come.
So, that was her plan.
So, uh, the police, when they get
there, will find her, um,
her death kit, and, erm…
I'm just wondering, is there likely
to be an investigation
based on that?
- No.
- Why not?
The bottom line is that there's no
law against killing yourself.
Is the name Final Exit Network,
or your names, anywhere
in the paperwork at the house?
Hopefully not.
But, quite honestly, even if there
were,
and even if they decided
they wanted to do that,
they have almost no indication
that anybody did anything wrong.
She basically said,
"I did this on my own",
there's no proof, there's not even
any proof anybody was there.
So, I'm not worried
about an investigation.
If the District Attorney there sees
all this in six months
or whenever you guys do it,
I'm not concerned.
We advertise what we do,
everybody knows what we do.
So I could imagine people
seeing this and thinking,
there's something ghoulish
about going around helping people
to die, right?
And, even if the arguments
make sense…
Ghoulish is in the eyes
of the beholder.
There must be something
a little off-beam about people
who want to do that.
- Does that sort of make sense?
- Mm-hm.
It's not for everybody.
So your firm feeling is -
you did a good deed today?
Yes.
We provided a service to help
somebody manage their death
on their own terms.
I think there are a lot
of people who are,
especially older people,
who have nothing to live for.
They're suffering,
they're in pain and they live
because our society says you should
not give up and quit.
She's a perfect case
for a person who says,
"You know, if I die tomorrow,
nobody is going to miss me.
"And I'm going to be better
off, because I'm not going
"to be suffering and I can
be back with David."
That's her belief.
Brian's vision of a society
in which people should give up
and accept death was sad
and a little strange to hear,
though I wondered
if it had some truth.
I only worried, with his talk
of loneliness, that someone
might end their life simply
because they felt alone.
The moral issues around end-of-life
seemed easier when the person
involved was still
with friends and family.
Gus has decided it was time.
Having called to inform his doctor,
he had taken
the life-ending cocktail.
All along, it had been his wish
that his manner of death could serve
to show a different
way of leaving life.
And so his family
had invited me back.
Hi, Chris?
How are you doing?
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
Love you, Daddy.
I arrived four hours after
the moment he'd taken the drugs
to find family and friends
in a bedside vigil.
Gus was in a deep sleep.
You're loved, Gus, you're cherished.
And you gave us all
wonderful memories.
Oh, my gosh, we have so
many fun Gus stories.
It's OK if you go now.
And he said he wanted a party going
out, so we're doing our best
to laugh, but it's…
We brought your Champagne and
whisky!
- The Champagne is nice.
- That's right.
And the whisky and the Champagne
are on their way!
Love you, Daddy.
Good little brother,
good little brother.
- He loved you girls.
- Mm.
- And he especially loved Reyanna.
- Yeah.
Fell in love with her
when she was 14.
If you can hear me, Gus, I'd just
like to say thank you
for allowing us to get to know
you over the last couple of months,
and I feel very lucky to have got
to know you a little bit.
HE SNORES
Well, thank you, guys, he wanted
this.
So, you're helping
to fulfil his wish.
He's been a long-time advocate
for the right to die
- on your own terms.
- Mm.
And he wanted to be a part
of this conversation.
He did say that.
Thank you for that, Gus.
We appreciate that.
This morning, he said,
"I'm through suffering,
"I'm tired, I want to go.
"But I need your permission."
He needed your permission
to do this?
Yes, he did.
I thought for sure
that I had it in me to do that.
But I…
But I did for the first time
break down with him.
And he said, "OK, that's good, let's
say how we feel
"about this, let's…"
Break down in what way?
I mean, I broke down and cried and
sobbed.
I hadn't done that with him.
I wonder why you hadn't
done that before.
Just because he wanted me
to be strong, you know.
Because it was a tough thing to make
that choice and decision,
because you're still alive.
But at what level, you know?
Did he say anything
after he'd taken it?
Um, just about how much he didn't
want to disappoint anyone,
that he loved everybody.
And he lived a great life.
Let your soul take flight
and enter the spirit world.
A family friend who happened
to be a doctor was among those
present keeping an eye on Gus.
How is it going in there?
I think it's going as well as one
could expect, except
- it's going very slowly.
- Mm.
This may not be an entirely
adequate dose.
Which means what?
So, it's unclear when he might wake
up, if he were to wake up.
The other option is they might…
Hang on, you think there's a chance
he could come round?
- That's correct.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
- And be…?
Uh, after a few days, be fairly
responsive, yeah.
I understand these
things have happened,
from what little
I've read about them.
Mm.
But, um…
What to expect here, I have no idea.
VIOLIN PLAYS
Gus's wish of a last party with
friends and family,
fuelled with Dom Perignon,
turned out to be not much shy
of the mark.
With music provided
by his daughter Lillian.
I'm so relieved,
I'm sure everybody…
I don't know for sure,
but I think so.
- Do you want to come and listen?
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
- Have you got your stethoscope?
I have my stethoscope.
I'll move out the way
so you can get in here.
Love you, Daddy.
You're the best Daddy ever.
7.5 hours after he'd taken
the lethal dose, Gus died.
THEY SOB
We partied till the end.
We did it the way you wanted it to
be done.
We did it the way you asked.
Thanks for staying around
for us, giving us time.
We love you, Gus.
You're so valuable.
So wonderful.
You're treasured,
you will be remembered,
we will tell Raylin all about you.
He will grow up knowing his
grandfather loved him.
A musician and carer.
A family man and adventurer.
Above all, he'd lived
a life of his choosing
and was now leaving it,
having made his final decision.
It is hard to imagine a decision
freighted with more gravity
than whether to end one's life.
In exploring the choices
being offered in America,
I'd seen reasons to be concerned.
The dangers of an attitude that
devalues society's most vulnerable.
The stresses of having to make such
a huge decision.
But I had also met people facing
death and uncertainty
who found comfort in exercising what
they viewed as the right
to die well.