Loudermilk (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - All Apologies - full transcript
Is that how
it's gonna be now?
You're gonna drink
in the apartment
in front of me?
All right.
I'm sorry. You're right.
No more drinking...
In the apartment.
Go throw with the guy.
What? Why?
Look at him.
He doesn't have anybody
to play with.
Bye, Claire.
Bye.
Hello, Memphis.
Ben's the kind of guy
who would steal
his best friend's wife.
I was your ex-wife
when I met him.
You're the suckiest roommate
I've ever had.
Worse than the guy
that married your wife?
♪♪
Hey, Sam.
♪♪
Dr. Benson to admitting.
Dr. Benson to admitting.
Hell of a night, huh?
Mmm.
Bet you'll never guess
what happened to me.
Yeah, I went
and mistook my thumb
for a tenderloin again.
You'd be surprised
how often that happens.
I used to say
I was all thumbs.
At this rate, I'll end up
being no thumbs, right?
Hey, nice bracelet.
What are you,
a fugitive or something?
Dr. Richard Kimble,
like, grunge edition,
rock 'n' roll guy?
Excuse me.
Miss?
Nurse?
H-How's my wife doing?
I'm sorry.
The doctor will be out
to speak to you when
he's, uh...
When he's what?
What's going on?
Just... Just be patient.
Everybody's doing
the best they can.
I guess that's why
they call us...patients.
They should call us
inpatients.
That way, it would be...
Dude, shut the fuck up.
Dr. Alexander to oncology.
Dr. Alexander to oncology.
Hey.
Look, I don't know you,
and you don't know me,
but I think I might
be able to help.
Hey, uh,
I run a support group
for people with drug
and alcohol issues.
I'm not... I'm not saying
that you have one, all right?
I don't know you.
That boozy vapor
might just be your...
Your Jack Daniel's cologne
or...
Listen. Um...
Listen, man, if you ever
want to talk,
just... Just talk, get some
stuff off your chest...
Look me up, okay?
Nice to see you again, Ben.
Yeah.
Hey, uh, whatever
happened tonight,
doesn't mean
your life is over.
Could be
just the beginning.
♪♪
Get out.
Well, I-I am out.
No, outside.
Now.
Okay.
I told you he was gonna
be like this.
What... Wait,
you're in cahoots
with this?
No. Loudermilk,
he's got nowhere to go.
I don't understand.
Why can't he go
home to my wife?
Uh, ex-wife.
And if it's any consolation,
she's...
She's my ex-wife now,
too.
That's zero consolation
because I don't give a shit.
Go sleep in your car
for all I care.
I would if you hadn't
have lit it on fire.
I wouldn't have lit it on fire
if you hadn't
fuckin' married my wife.
Oh, my God.
Dude, ex-wife.
Well, it's true,
Loudermilk.
You weren't even married
to her anymore.
How are you on his side?
I'm... I'm not
on anyone's side, okay?
You're the one
who's always preaching
about accountability.
Well, he's here
to be accountable.
I don't hear
any accountability.
Okay. All right.
Let's talk about it.
Let's be accountable.
You want me...
Okay, I'll go first.
I'm very sorry
that I married
your ex-wife.
My turn?
Please.
Fuck you.
Get out of here.
- No, you know what?
- I'm not leaving.
You owe me.
I owe you?
Yeah.
Oh, that's perfect.
That's fuckin' perfect.
I owe you?
You owe me, man!
I was there for you
when you hit rock bottom!
You had nowhere to go,
and you called me,
a stranger,
a total stranger,
and I kept you clean, man,
all these years!
You weren't even clean!
Exactly!
I-I was like...
Jesus, you know,
just absorbing
all of your sins
by drinkingeth
ofeth your wine.
I-I-I'm confused.
Is that before
or after the passage
where Jesus fucketh
everyone's wife?
Okay.
Look.
Sam, come on.
I...
I made a huge mistake,
all right?
I-I was drinking.
I wasn't clear-headed.
You were my sponsor, Ben.
You're supposed
to give me guidance
and support and friendship.
Okay, look.
I'm here admitting
that I messed up.
Okay, Sam?
Come on, I'm...
You're the...
I'm asking you
for forgiveness.
Grovel somewhere else,
fatty.
Loudermilk!
Wow.
That's beneath you, dude,
but that's fine. Okay.
I've always been
just a little husky,
but for you
to bring that up,
especially while
I'm going through a divorce,
that's just beyond the pale.
Uh, okay.
What... Don't you
want to know
what happened
with him and Memphis?
I already know
what happened.
They got drunk,
and then they got drunk again,
and then they kept
getting drunk,
and then the whole thing
fell apart.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
So, I got a call
from Cutter's sponsor.
Uh, he hasn't seen him
in seven or eight weeks,
and nobody seems
to know where he is.
So if any of you have had
any kind of contact
or come across him
or see him,
you know, give me...
Give me a call, please.
Let me know.
On a lighter note,
I brought a couple
of Sharpies with me.
Uh, for those of you
who want to sign my cast,
we can please do it
after the meeting.
You could line up
in an orderly fashion,
and just keep your writing
as small as possible.
I want to squeeze
a lot of them in. Thanks.
Sorry I'm late,
but this is my busy season.
Ah.
Tax preparations?Tax preparation?
I don't pay taxes.
I'm a bookie.
The NBA and NHL playoffs
just started,
which is my second-busiest
time of year.
Hey,
who do you like tonight?
Celtics. Laying eight
and a half against Toronto.
Eight and a half's a lot,
and Ibaka's on fire lately.
Doesn't matter.
The Garden's gonna be
rockin' tonight,
and Kyle Lowry's
got a bad hammy.
Lowry's injured?
I didn't read that.
I got sources.
Well, then can you
put down a bet for me?
$200 on Boston.
No, no, no.
I'm not doing
business in here.
This is my happy place.
Uh, ca... Can I catch you
in the parking lot later?
Absolutely.
Who you thinkin'
of going with?
Oh, Celts.
I never liked Raptors.
Jesus. Did you fuck
one of those, too?
Okay, guys,
we're barely functioning
as a substance-abuse
group here.
We're not turning this place
into a sports book.
Gambling can be just
as addictive as booze
or drugs
or poultry fucking.
Listen, I-I'm gonna bet
on the game, anyway.
I might as well
place the wager
with somebody I trust.
Do we actually trust Tony?
I mean, use your heads.
He's a bookie.
That's like the third
least-trustworthy profession,
only behind politician
and car salesman.
Lawyers.
Cops.
And prostitutes.
Total phoneys.
They're like,
"Oh, I'm so classy,"
and then you wake up,
and your dick smells
like a sea lion
pooped on it.
Oh, our people don't trust
real-estate agents.
Well, that checks out.
But we do like to gamble.
Hey, put me down
a hundy for Boston.
Yeah, me too.
Make it a nickel.
Uh, Boston on
the money line... $200.
Guys,
think twice about this.
Loudermilk, we get it.
Gambling's bad.
But this isn't gambling.
This game is a stone-cold
lock. Right, Tony?
Mmm.
See?
Put me down for $20.
Okay, I'm gonna do $40.
On who?
The winning team?
All right, the Celts.
Jesus Christ.
All right.
So we're all on the Celtics...
Mugsy, $250,
uh, Stevie, $200,
Claire $40,
- and, uh...
- Psst! Psst!
Uh, four boxes of Tagalongs.
There's three Thin Mints,
two Do-si-dos.
My niece is gonna win that
trip to Disneyland this year.
I hope
you're not using our hall
for gambling activities.
You know, the first people
Jesus threw out of the temple
were the moneylenders
and the Pharisees,
so angry was He
to find His house of prayer
turned into a den
of thieves.
Three boxes of Thin Mints
on Boston.
You sure
we can afford this?For sure.
Pulling in those fat stacks
from Sounds and Grounds.
Just don't go crazy,
though.
♪ We don't take in
We project...
Good evening, everyone.
Oh, Jesus.
What? I'm just
buying the guy a meal.
He's broke.
You couldn't have told me?
I'm paying.
Remember, this is my night?
More importantly,
you promised
you wouldn't
do anything to ruin it.
♪ It's a whole lot of nothing With everything in between ♪
You couldn't leave
Waffles back at the mansion
for two hours?
Are you afraid he's gonna call
his buddies for a poker game?
Oh, I love those paintings,
though, right?
You know, with the...
You know,
bulldog smoking a cigar?
I mean, that's ridiculous,
isn't it?
For your information,
she's a certified therapy dog,
and she's more well-behaved
than some of the patrons
in here this evening.
E-Exactly what type of therapy
is she providing right now?
Emotional support.
Well, Waffles,
a grateful nation thanks you
for your service.
It's good to see
you haven't changed much.
Still jousting with strangers
over absolutely nothing...
...only you've added dogs
to your hit list,
so that's good.
First off, I've been
giving dogs shit for years,
and, second,
she's the one who brought
the God damn thing.
I'm just working him
into the act.
♪ Or is it like
when we're asleep
Have you folks decided?
♪ Seven, six... ♪
Could we get
the check, please?Right away.
Slow down, Sam.
Can I at least
get a coffee first?
I mean, ever since I quit
the booze, it's my only buzz.
Fine.
I'll wait outside.
Oh, come on,
Loudermilk.
You're acting like a baby.
Every day, you preach about
owning up to your mistakes
and asking for forgiveness,
but when it comes to you,
you can't forgive?
♪ I'm caught up in the middle
Okay.
♪ All I need is
a little ol'...
Ben...
I accept your apology,
and I forgive you.
♪ I could be happy ♪
Wow.
That's...
That's awesome.
Thanks, man.
So I'm back in?
Fuck no.
I forgive you of it.
Doesn't mean I have
to live with you.
I didn't even want
to have dinner with you.
I-I have a lot of friends
who never screwed me over.
I'd rather spend
my time with them.
Name one.
Huh?
Name one friend
who hasn't screwed you over.
I, uh... There's, uh,
Felix from the record store.
What are you talking about?
Felix banned you
from the record store
for an entire summer once.
That's right. Damn it.
I never screwed you over.
Yeah, you did.
You ratted me out
to your mother
when I was giving you
that tough-love thing
when I first met you.
Oh, what?
That doesn't...You see?
She screwed you over.
She still lives
in your apartment.
People screw each other
over all the time.
Families hate each other,
but they still live together
in harmony.
No.
You're not moving back in.
♪♪
121-93!
What a blowout!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Papa's gettin'
a brand-new hat!
I'm getting new
shag carpet for my van!
Ooh!
I'm getting a massage.
Happy ending?
Not for her.
Ohh!
You guys seem
pretty happy to see me.
Yeah.
Come on.
All right.
Roger, $500.
Stevie, $200.
Mugsy, a deuce and a half.
Ed, $69.
New Guy, $200.
Claire, I owe you $40.
Cloud, $100.
Cisco, $20.
This is like
free money.
I don't understand why
everyone doesn't do this.
Yeah.
Whoo!
Yes, gambling
is a nonstop frenzy
of fun and riches.
Nothing can go wrong
when you start gambling.
Can we, uh,
get on with the meeting?Uh, da, da, da, da, da, da.
Hey, Tony, who's your
smart money on tonight?
Listen to you.
"Smart money."
I'm so proud.
All right, look, I have some
inside medical knowledge
that Phoenix's big man
has a hinky knee,
and he's keeping it
a secret because of
a contract extension.
Laying four and a hook
with their big man down,
I'm heavy
on the road dog.
I'll go again,
and double me up.
Yeah, yeah, me too!
Me too!
Yeah, I'm in.
Me too.
All right.
You're all in, double.
Oh, hey, Father.
I have, uh, a little something
for the children of Seattle.
Bless you, young man.
You want in for tonight?
Uh, no.
What do I look like,
an addict?
Bye-bye.
Lakers working it back inside, and they're coming up...
I can't believe
you're actually watching
the game tonight.
It's a good feeling
to bet.
You know, it's not
that different from drugs,
but it's a safer high.
There's another one there.
Oh, really?
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
The final score
from Phoenix...
Suns, 98,
Los Angeles Lakers, 84.
No!
What the fuck?
Tony said it was
a stone-cold lock.I know.
What's the world coming to
when you can't trust
an alcoholic
degenerate gambler?
Fuck!
♪♪
All right.
Perk up.
It's like I'm sitting
in a roomful of zombies.
No Tony?
We're going without him.
Oh.
Speak of the devil.
Uh, put that bastard
on speakerphone, please.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Tony.
You're on speaker.
Hey.
Hey, "Mr. Hinky Knee."
Look, everyone,
I'm really sorry.
Usually, the intel I get
is pretty reliable.
If it makes you
feel any better,
I lost more money
than all of you combined.
That does
make me feel better.
Anyway, I need
the money today.
This guy's up my ass.
Today?
Like, you mean real soon?
No, today-today.
Well, listen, I had like
30 bucks this morning,
but I needed gas
and doughnuts.
Yeah, yeah, I just
paid the rent, man,
so I'm tapped out.
You guys aren't hearing me.
We owe a crazy man
a lot of dough now, today.
Well,
how is that even possible?
We just lost the bet
yesterday.
I-Isn't there some sort
of gambler's grace period?
Normally, yeah, but,
well, I've been kind of
on a bad run,
and I owe him
for a whole month.
Yeah, well, maybe you
should've mentioned that
when you brought us
all in on this, huh?
I'm pretty sure I did.
Anyway, this guy,
Hanky Klocko,
he doesn't fuck around.
That's why I'm not
at the meeting.
I can't even go back
to my house.
I've been living in
a storage locker
for a week now.
Who the hell's
Hanky Klocko?
I'll tell you who he is.
Hanky Klocko is a big player
in the Seattle mob.
Charlie?
What are you doing here?
Wait a minute.
There's a Seattle mob?
You bet your ass.
And my boss, Hanky Klocko,
he's tight
with all the families.
H-How the hell did you end up
working with a mobster?
I started in the mailroom
and worked my way up, asshole.
Seriously, Charlie,
how'd you get mixed up
with bad guys?
Hanky Klocko
is a good man.
He gives everyone
in the neighborhood
turkeys at Christmas.
Okay,
so he gives out turkeys.
Other than that,
how is he a good man?
Every Christmas, he has
his guys pull up in a truck,
and they pass out
free turkeys.
Yeah, I got that.
The... The mob
kills people, okay?
He's part of the mob.
How d... How...
How is he a good man?
I'm gonna say this slow
for you...
Turkeys at Christmas!
Listen, we all work
for Hanky Klocko,
whether you know it
or not.
Me?
I do collections.
You?
You pay the bills.
And I also send messages,
and here's one...
Hanky's not happy.
He wants four boxes of ziti
plus the vig.
How tough can they be
if Charlie's their bag man?
You think this is funny,
Fish Hooks?
I promise you,
you mess with Hanky,
he messes back.
Hanky's gonna give you
whiny douchebags
until tomorrow,
but then he's personally
coming to collect.
♪♪
Tony.
Jesus, Loudermilk!
You scared the bejesus
out of me.
You sure
no one followed you?
How the fuck do I know?
Am I Jason Bourne?
How's it coming
with the money?
You get it?
Not exactly,
but I told you,
I got a foolproof plan
to get the dough.
Uh-huh.
What's that?
I got a milk carton
full of albums in here.
Check 'em out.
Steven Seagal recorded
an album?
Nine, but I could
only get three
plus a couple
of Japanese imports.
That's got to be
worth something, right?
Including the milk crate,
um...
30 bucks?
I'm fucked!
No, Tony, the whole group
is fucked, okay?
What happens
if this Klocko guy
comes by the meeting room
to collect?
Well,
that's why I'm in here.
Yeah,
but what about them?
Who?
The group!
Well, I don't have
enough room in here,
if that's what you're asking.
What the hell
is he doing here?
I live here.
You live here?
Oh. Yeah,
you must not have heard.
I got kicked out
of my apartment.
You didn't get kicked out.
You moved out
to marry my fuckin' wife.
Oh, my God.
Ex-wife!
Okay. O...
So, how did the two of you
get hooked up?
Grindr.
No.
Claire.
She called me and said
Ben needed a place,
and I needed help
with the rent.
Yep.
Win-win.
Did you tell
your roommate
that there's a madman
who's trying to kill you?
Yes. That's why
he doesn't pay utilities.
Pretty good
school district, too.
And he didn't require
first and last so...
Do you guys even have
a bathroom?
Not regulation.
We got a coffee can
with some Lysol in it.
Think you'd be better off
getting shot in the head.
All right.
I'm gonna take a shit.
Little privacy, please.
It's not ideal.
♪♪
My name is Hanky,
and I'm an alcoholic,
but that's not
why I'm here.
Hey, Hanky.
I'm looking for
a deadbeat bookie named Tony
and you welching
motherfuckers.
Uhp!
Get the fuck back here,
fuckbag.
Oh.
There's my seat.
Where's my money?
Where's my fuckin' money?
Um...
W-with all due respect,
Godfather,
uh, this is a conversation
for a different time
and place.
We're... We're a group
of people here
trying to work through
our problems.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
You guys are
trying to get real,
trying to make yourself whole.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to do that, too.
But if you don't pay me
within 24 hours,
it is gonna be really hard
to make yourself whole again
after I chop
your fuckin' faces off.
W... I-Is he...
Is he threatening us?
Claire, pipe...
Pipe down, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought he was
threatening us.
No, Claire...
Claire's right.
You... You can't come in here
threatening people's lives
over, what is it,
$1,100, $1,200?
What have you been drinking?
I'm owed 72 large.
You got a beef.
Charlie said we owed you
12 boxes of ziti.
We figured
that was 1,200 bucks.
He's a kook.
What can I say?
It's still 72 grand.
Well, most of the debt
is Tony's, r-right, sir?
You just worry
about yourself,
duckturd.
You want to sing and dance,
you got to pay the band.
This is your final warning.
I'll be back tomorrow
for my money.
Oh.
Don't even think about running
because it's just like booze
for you guys...
Once you start,
you can never stop.
♪♪
Yeah, can you connect me
to the blood bank?
Can you please
get me there stat?
Whatever term you use,
could you please
get me there right away?
Oh, it's the same place?
Okay, cool.
Okay, I-I'll...
The fuck is duckturd
doing here?
He followed me home.
He's scared.
Is that my shirt?
Yeah.
Your boxers, too.
He sweated through
everything he was wearing,
and he was shivering.
He's okay now.
He took a bath.
We have a bath?
Oh, hi. H-How much do you pay
for a pint of blood?
Oh, that's fair.
Um, what's the most
I could give?
I can't do two?
Oh, I don't mind.
I could use the sleep.
Okay, that'll do.
Um...
Oh, hey, can you connect me
to the sperm lady, please?
New Guy, take my shirt off.
What?
I'm trying to move some jizz.
Seattle police are investigating...Yes, I'll hold.
...an abandoned, bloody car belonging to alleged mob boss Hanky Klocko.
Hey, guys, check it out.
We're switching live
to Janine Ray on location.
The investigators
are reporting
that a local businessman
with suspected underworld
ties,
Henry V. Klocko,
is missing and presumed dead.
I'll call you back,
Sperm Lady.
Mr. Klocko is well-known
to authorities...That's our guy, right?
In a Prius?
That seems odd.
Mobster in a Prius?
Now, Mr. Klocko's
blood-splattered vehicle
right behind me here
was found
in the Sand Point
neighborhood of Seattle.
Anyone with information
is being asked
to contact Seattle PD.
All right. New Guy,
I guess you can go home now.
Well, didn't they say
presumed dead?
Get the fuck out.
And you can keep my boxers.
But I want mine back.
Yeah, they're...
They're soaking
in your kitchen sink.
♪♪
A-Anyway, I feel really shitty
that I put you all
in harm's way.
But the good news is
Hanky Klocko's dead,
and our debt
will be buried
with him forever.
That's good news,
that someone died?
Well, yeah, that's the best
bad news I've ever heard.
So, uh...
Did you do it, Tony?
What?
Kill the guy.
What? No!
I faint at the sight of blood.
Oh, really?
You seemed pretty comfortable
when Mugsy had
that dart in his skull.
That's because
I was sitting down.
Guys,
Tony didn't kill anybody.
Did you, Tony?
Look, I was
with Ben all night.
You can ask him.
It was Taquito Tuesday.
Besides, you all
owed him money, too.
Hey,
Mugsy had the most to gain.
You owed him 500 bucks.
Hey, fuck you,
you little worm.
Where were you last night?
I have an airtight
alibi.
I was taking a bath
at Loudermilk's.
Unfortunately,
that checks out.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
Why was a grown-ass man
taking a bath
in your apartment?
He shit himself.
Uh...
S-sorry, New Guy.
He shit himself, and you
let him use our bathtub?
You didn't even know
we had a bathtub.
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, wait a second.
What about Roger?
You bet more than me.
Me? Ha!
I'm British.
Cloud,
why are you so quiet?
Well, I'm...
I'm always pretty quiet.
Why are you staring
at the ground like that, then?
Just embarrassed
'cause New Guy
shit his pants.
Besides, if anybody's got
the shifty eyes of a killer,
it's Ed.
I do not!
Maybe it was
blabbermouth Claire!What?
I was helping you
with your shit pants,
you idiot.
Why not Cisco?
He looks like a punk.
Me? I'm not the one with
the Silence of the Lambs
van, Mugsy.
Hey, you leave my van
out of this.
And how come nobody's
talking about Stevie?
Please, man! I ain't the one
with an untraceable harpoon.
For God's sake.
Yes, that's right.
First of all...
You know what?
The fact...
This whole thing started...
You were... You were...
You're a fuckin' loser, dude!
I did it.
You're a loser.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa!
Quiet!
Huh?
It was me.
What was you?
♪♪
You know.
Killed him.
No.
W... I don't... Why?
You didn't owe him any money.
He threatened our group,
my sober family.
Who is this guy?
I don't know.
He's only been coming here
a couple of years.
So you killed him?
I thought it through
from every angle.
It was our only option.
Or we could have
paid him.
None of you had the money.
And he was a bad man,
just like my dad.
♪♪
I did it for you guys.
Needless to say,
I'm hoping this can stay
in the room.
Oh. Totally.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, my lips are...Yeah.
See you guys.
See ya, pal!
Thanks again.
We're calling the cops, right?
- Absolutely.
- Why?
So we all get busted
for illegal gambling?
Uh, 'cause he killed a guy.
Well, to protect us.
No!
Not to protect me.
I was fine.
W-Well,
we were all involved.
We... We all
owed him money.
Fuck Hanky Klocko!
I say we let
sleeping mobsters lie.
I don't want anything
to do with this shit.
It's too late.
We're all guilty
if we don't say anything.
Yeah.
W-What if we kill
the killer kid
to cover our tracks,
like a hit-and-run
with that bicycle of his?
I mean, that'd be
a justified kill, right?
Oh, I'm not
listening to this.
I don't want
any part of this!
O-Okay, Dexter.
Take it down a notch.
We're not killing anybody.
Jesus.
I'm not just saying,
loose ends...
How can we turn him in
anyway?
Aren't our group conversations
protected
by that doctor-patient,
white-male-privilege program?
Loudermilk's not
a doctor.
No.
Not even close.
But it is supposed to be
anonymous, this group.
- Uh, we can't be snitches.
- You know what?
He's bullshitting,
trying to get some
street cred.
You know, people do that
all the time,
brag about killing people.
Who does that?
Everybody!
Well,
what if we turn him in?
Do we have to pay back
our debt?
Oh, stop it.
Wh... Are you all
so blinded by gambling
that you don't understand
a man was killed
by a member of our group?
I'm calling the cops,
and if you don't
fuckin' like it,
then that's on you.
Yes, I'd like
to report a murder.
Yes, I'll hold.
I guess it just goes
to show you y-you never
really know anybody.
Yeah, we had a murderer
sitting in our midst
for all this time.
We had absolutely no clue.
That's because
he never spoke.
Maybe we should have made
a better effort
to get him to open up.
Or maybe it's better
we didn't.
Yeah, but when he did open up,
that was one hell of a share.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Ah, hey.
Wow. You...
You're not in jail.
I mean, we... We all heard
that you'd been arrested.
Yep.
Uh, so...
H-how are you here?
They had to let me go.
No body.
It's really hard to prove
a murder case without a body.
And I hid it really well.
Um, uh, does anyone know
if there's a bathtub
in this church?
♪ Love, love
♪ Love is gonna come
as a photographer
♪ Yes, a photographer
Yeah, yeah
♪ I need love
♪ So someone better bring me
a photographer
♪ Yes, a photographer, yeah
♪ A flash
♪ A glimpse of perfect abs
♪ In flimsy floral dress
♪ Shows off her slender frame
♪ Enjoys a private stroll
♪ Love, love
♪ Love is gonna come
as a photographer
♪ Yes, a photographer
Yeah, yeah
♪♪
it's gonna be now?
You're gonna drink
in the apartment
in front of me?
All right.
I'm sorry. You're right.
No more drinking...
In the apartment.
Go throw with the guy.
What? Why?
Look at him.
He doesn't have anybody
to play with.
Bye, Claire.
Bye.
Hello, Memphis.
Ben's the kind of guy
who would steal
his best friend's wife.
I was your ex-wife
when I met him.
You're the suckiest roommate
I've ever had.
Worse than the guy
that married your wife?
♪♪
Hey, Sam.
♪♪
Dr. Benson to admitting.
Dr. Benson to admitting.
Hell of a night, huh?
Mmm.
Bet you'll never guess
what happened to me.
Yeah, I went
and mistook my thumb
for a tenderloin again.
You'd be surprised
how often that happens.
I used to say
I was all thumbs.
At this rate, I'll end up
being no thumbs, right?
Hey, nice bracelet.
What are you,
a fugitive or something?
Dr. Richard Kimble,
like, grunge edition,
rock 'n' roll guy?
Excuse me.
Miss?
Nurse?
H-How's my wife doing?
I'm sorry.
The doctor will be out
to speak to you when
he's, uh...
When he's what?
What's going on?
Just... Just be patient.
Everybody's doing
the best they can.
I guess that's why
they call us...patients.
They should call us
inpatients.
That way, it would be...
Dude, shut the fuck up.
Dr. Alexander to oncology.
Dr. Alexander to oncology.
Hey.
Look, I don't know you,
and you don't know me,
but I think I might
be able to help.
Hey, uh,
I run a support group
for people with drug
and alcohol issues.
I'm not... I'm not saying
that you have one, all right?
I don't know you.
That boozy vapor
might just be your...
Your Jack Daniel's cologne
or...
Listen. Um...
Listen, man, if you ever
want to talk,
just... Just talk, get some
stuff off your chest...
Look me up, okay?
Nice to see you again, Ben.
Yeah.
Hey, uh, whatever
happened tonight,
doesn't mean
your life is over.
Could be
just the beginning.
♪♪
Get out.
Well, I-I am out.
No, outside.
Now.
Okay.
I told you he was gonna
be like this.
What... Wait,
you're in cahoots
with this?
No. Loudermilk,
he's got nowhere to go.
I don't understand.
Why can't he go
home to my wife?
Uh, ex-wife.
And if it's any consolation,
she's...
She's my ex-wife now,
too.
That's zero consolation
because I don't give a shit.
Go sleep in your car
for all I care.
I would if you hadn't
have lit it on fire.
I wouldn't have lit it on fire
if you hadn't
fuckin' married my wife.
Oh, my God.
Dude, ex-wife.
Well, it's true,
Loudermilk.
You weren't even married
to her anymore.
How are you on his side?
I'm... I'm not
on anyone's side, okay?
You're the one
who's always preaching
about accountability.
Well, he's here
to be accountable.
I don't hear
any accountability.
Okay. All right.
Let's talk about it.
Let's be accountable.
You want me...
Okay, I'll go first.
I'm very sorry
that I married
your ex-wife.
My turn?
Please.
Fuck you.
Get out of here.
- No, you know what?
- I'm not leaving.
You owe me.
I owe you?
Yeah.
Oh, that's perfect.
That's fuckin' perfect.
I owe you?
You owe me, man!
I was there for you
when you hit rock bottom!
You had nowhere to go,
and you called me,
a stranger,
a total stranger,
and I kept you clean, man,
all these years!
You weren't even clean!
Exactly!
I-I was like...
Jesus, you know,
just absorbing
all of your sins
by drinkingeth
ofeth your wine.
I-I-I'm confused.
Is that before
or after the passage
where Jesus fucketh
everyone's wife?
Okay.
Look.
Sam, come on.
I...
I made a huge mistake,
all right?
I-I was drinking.
I wasn't clear-headed.
You were my sponsor, Ben.
You're supposed
to give me guidance
and support and friendship.
Okay, look.
I'm here admitting
that I messed up.
Okay, Sam?
Come on, I'm...
You're the...
I'm asking you
for forgiveness.
Grovel somewhere else,
fatty.
Loudermilk!
Wow.
That's beneath you, dude,
but that's fine. Okay.
I've always been
just a little husky,
but for you
to bring that up,
especially while
I'm going through a divorce,
that's just beyond the pale.
Uh, okay.
What... Don't you
want to know
what happened
with him and Memphis?
I already know
what happened.
They got drunk,
and then they got drunk again,
and then they kept
getting drunk,
and then the whole thing
fell apart.
Yeah.
Pretty much.
So, I got a call
from Cutter's sponsor.
Uh, he hasn't seen him
in seven or eight weeks,
and nobody seems
to know where he is.
So if any of you have had
any kind of contact
or come across him
or see him,
you know, give me...
Give me a call, please.
Let me know.
On a lighter note,
I brought a couple
of Sharpies with me.
Uh, for those of you
who want to sign my cast,
we can please do it
after the meeting.
You could line up
in an orderly fashion,
and just keep your writing
as small as possible.
I want to squeeze
a lot of them in. Thanks.
Sorry I'm late,
but this is my busy season.
Ah.
Tax preparations?Tax preparation?
I don't pay taxes.
I'm a bookie.
The NBA and NHL playoffs
just started,
which is my second-busiest
time of year.
Hey,
who do you like tonight?
Celtics. Laying eight
and a half against Toronto.
Eight and a half's a lot,
and Ibaka's on fire lately.
Doesn't matter.
The Garden's gonna be
rockin' tonight,
and Kyle Lowry's
got a bad hammy.
Lowry's injured?
I didn't read that.
I got sources.
Well, then can you
put down a bet for me?
$200 on Boston.
No, no, no.
I'm not doing
business in here.
This is my happy place.
Uh, ca... Can I catch you
in the parking lot later?
Absolutely.
Who you thinkin'
of going with?
Oh, Celts.
I never liked Raptors.
Jesus. Did you fuck
one of those, too?
Okay, guys,
we're barely functioning
as a substance-abuse
group here.
We're not turning this place
into a sports book.
Gambling can be just
as addictive as booze
or drugs
or poultry fucking.
Listen, I-I'm gonna bet
on the game, anyway.
I might as well
place the wager
with somebody I trust.
Do we actually trust Tony?
I mean, use your heads.
He's a bookie.
That's like the third
least-trustworthy profession,
only behind politician
and car salesman.
Lawyers.
Cops.
And prostitutes.
Total phoneys.
They're like,
"Oh, I'm so classy,"
and then you wake up,
and your dick smells
like a sea lion
pooped on it.
Oh, our people don't trust
real-estate agents.
Well, that checks out.
But we do like to gamble.
Hey, put me down
a hundy for Boston.
Yeah, me too.
Make it a nickel.
Uh, Boston on
the money line... $200.
Guys,
think twice about this.
Loudermilk, we get it.
Gambling's bad.
But this isn't gambling.
This game is a stone-cold
lock. Right, Tony?
Mmm.
See?
Put me down for $20.
Okay, I'm gonna do $40.
On who?
The winning team?
All right, the Celts.
Jesus Christ.
All right.
So we're all on the Celtics...
Mugsy, $250,
uh, Stevie, $200,
Claire $40,
- and, uh...
- Psst! Psst!
Uh, four boxes of Tagalongs.
There's three Thin Mints,
two Do-si-dos.
My niece is gonna win that
trip to Disneyland this year.
I hope
you're not using our hall
for gambling activities.
You know, the first people
Jesus threw out of the temple
were the moneylenders
and the Pharisees,
so angry was He
to find His house of prayer
turned into a den
of thieves.
Three boxes of Thin Mints
on Boston.
You sure
we can afford this?For sure.
Pulling in those fat stacks
from Sounds and Grounds.
Just don't go crazy,
though.
♪ We don't take in
We project...
Good evening, everyone.
Oh, Jesus.
What? I'm just
buying the guy a meal.
He's broke.
You couldn't have told me?
I'm paying.
Remember, this is my night?
More importantly,
you promised
you wouldn't
do anything to ruin it.
♪ It's a whole lot of nothing With everything in between ♪
You couldn't leave
Waffles back at the mansion
for two hours?
Are you afraid he's gonna call
his buddies for a poker game?
Oh, I love those paintings,
though, right?
You know, with the...
You know,
bulldog smoking a cigar?
I mean, that's ridiculous,
isn't it?
For your information,
she's a certified therapy dog,
and she's more well-behaved
than some of the patrons
in here this evening.
E-Exactly what type of therapy
is she providing right now?
Emotional support.
Well, Waffles,
a grateful nation thanks you
for your service.
It's good to see
you haven't changed much.
Still jousting with strangers
over absolutely nothing...
...only you've added dogs
to your hit list,
so that's good.
First off, I've been
giving dogs shit for years,
and, second,
she's the one who brought
the God damn thing.
I'm just working him
into the act.
♪ Or is it like
when we're asleep
Have you folks decided?
♪ Seven, six... ♪
Could we get
the check, please?Right away.
Slow down, Sam.
Can I at least
get a coffee first?
I mean, ever since I quit
the booze, it's my only buzz.
Fine.
I'll wait outside.
Oh, come on,
Loudermilk.
You're acting like a baby.
Every day, you preach about
owning up to your mistakes
and asking for forgiveness,
but when it comes to you,
you can't forgive?
♪ I'm caught up in the middle
Okay.
♪ All I need is
a little ol'...
Ben...
I accept your apology,
and I forgive you.
♪ I could be happy ♪
Wow.
That's...
That's awesome.
Thanks, man.
So I'm back in?
Fuck no.
I forgive you of it.
Doesn't mean I have
to live with you.
I didn't even want
to have dinner with you.
I-I have a lot of friends
who never screwed me over.
I'd rather spend
my time with them.
Name one.
Huh?
Name one friend
who hasn't screwed you over.
I, uh... There's, uh,
Felix from the record store.
What are you talking about?
Felix banned you
from the record store
for an entire summer once.
That's right. Damn it.
I never screwed you over.
Yeah, you did.
You ratted me out
to your mother
when I was giving you
that tough-love thing
when I first met you.
Oh, what?
That doesn't...You see?
She screwed you over.
She still lives
in your apartment.
People screw each other
over all the time.
Families hate each other,
but they still live together
in harmony.
No.
You're not moving back in.
♪♪
121-93!
What a blowout!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Papa's gettin'
a brand-new hat!
I'm getting new
shag carpet for my van!
Ooh!
I'm getting a massage.
Happy ending?
Not for her.
Ohh!
You guys seem
pretty happy to see me.
Yeah.
Come on.
All right.
Roger, $500.
Stevie, $200.
Mugsy, a deuce and a half.
Ed, $69.
New Guy, $200.
Claire, I owe you $40.
Cloud, $100.
Cisco, $20.
This is like
free money.
I don't understand why
everyone doesn't do this.
Yeah.
Whoo!
Yes, gambling
is a nonstop frenzy
of fun and riches.
Nothing can go wrong
when you start gambling.
Can we, uh,
get on with the meeting?Uh, da, da, da, da, da, da.
Hey, Tony, who's your
smart money on tonight?
Listen to you.
"Smart money."
I'm so proud.
All right, look, I have some
inside medical knowledge
that Phoenix's big man
has a hinky knee,
and he's keeping it
a secret because of
a contract extension.
Laying four and a hook
with their big man down,
I'm heavy
on the road dog.
I'll go again,
and double me up.
Yeah, yeah, me too!
Me too!
Yeah, I'm in.
Me too.
All right.
You're all in, double.
Oh, hey, Father.
I have, uh, a little something
for the children of Seattle.
Bless you, young man.
You want in for tonight?
Uh, no.
What do I look like,
an addict?
Bye-bye.
Lakers working it back inside, and they're coming up...
I can't believe
you're actually watching
the game tonight.
It's a good feeling
to bet.
You know, it's not
that different from drugs,
but it's a safer high.
There's another one there.
Oh, really?
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
The final score
from Phoenix...
Suns, 98,
Los Angeles Lakers, 84.
No!
What the fuck?
Tony said it was
a stone-cold lock.I know.
What's the world coming to
when you can't trust
an alcoholic
degenerate gambler?
Fuck!
♪♪
All right.
Perk up.
It's like I'm sitting
in a roomful of zombies.
No Tony?
We're going without him.
Oh.
Speak of the devil.
Uh, put that bastard
on speakerphone, please.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Tony.
You're on speaker.
Hey.
Hey, "Mr. Hinky Knee."
Look, everyone,
I'm really sorry.
Usually, the intel I get
is pretty reliable.
If it makes you
feel any better,
I lost more money
than all of you combined.
That does
make me feel better.
Anyway, I need
the money today.
This guy's up my ass.
Today?
Like, you mean real soon?
No, today-today.
Well, listen, I had like
30 bucks this morning,
but I needed gas
and doughnuts.
Yeah, yeah, I just
paid the rent, man,
so I'm tapped out.
You guys aren't hearing me.
We owe a crazy man
a lot of dough now, today.
Well,
how is that even possible?
We just lost the bet
yesterday.
I-Isn't there some sort
of gambler's grace period?
Normally, yeah, but,
well, I've been kind of
on a bad run,
and I owe him
for a whole month.
Yeah, well, maybe you
should've mentioned that
when you brought us
all in on this, huh?
I'm pretty sure I did.
Anyway, this guy,
Hanky Klocko,
he doesn't fuck around.
That's why I'm not
at the meeting.
I can't even go back
to my house.
I've been living in
a storage locker
for a week now.
Who the hell's
Hanky Klocko?
I'll tell you who he is.
Hanky Klocko is a big player
in the Seattle mob.
Charlie?
What are you doing here?
Wait a minute.
There's a Seattle mob?
You bet your ass.
And my boss, Hanky Klocko,
he's tight
with all the families.
H-How the hell did you end up
working with a mobster?
I started in the mailroom
and worked my way up, asshole.
Seriously, Charlie,
how'd you get mixed up
with bad guys?
Hanky Klocko
is a good man.
He gives everyone
in the neighborhood
turkeys at Christmas.
Okay,
so he gives out turkeys.
Other than that,
how is he a good man?
Every Christmas, he has
his guys pull up in a truck,
and they pass out
free turkeys.
Yeah, I got that.
The... The mob
kills people, okay?
He's part of the mob.
How d... How...
How is he a good man?
I'm gonna say this slow
for you...
Turkeys at Christmas!
Listen, we all work
for Hanky Klocko,
whether you know it
or not.
Me?
I do collections.
You?
You pay the bills.
And I also send messages,
and here's one...
Hanky's not happy.
He wants four boxes of ziti
plus the vig.
How tough can they be
if Charlie's their bag man?
You think this is funny,
Fish Hooks?
I promise you,
you mess with Hanky,
he messes back.
Hanky's gonna give you
whiny douchebags
until tomorrow,
but then he's personally
coming to collect.
♪♪
Tony.
Jesus, Loudermilk!
You scared the bejesus
out of me.
You sure
no one followed you?
How the fuck do I know?
Am I Jason Bourne?
How's it coming
with the money?
You get it?
Not exactly,
but I told you,
I got a foolproof plan
to get the dough.
Uh-huh.
What's that?
I got a milk carton
full of albums in here.
Check 'em out.
Steven Seagal recorded
an album?
Nine, but I could
only get three
plus a couple
of Japanese imports.
That's got to be
worth something, right?
Including the milk crate,
um...
30 bucks?
I'm fucked!
No, Tony, the whole group
is fucked, okay?
What happens
if this Klocko guy
comes by the meeting room
to collect?
Well,
that's why I'm in here.
Yeah,
but what about them?
Who?
The group!
Well, I don't have
enough room in here,
if that's what you're asking.
What the hell
is he doing here?
I live here.
You live here?
Oh. Yeah,
you must not have heard.
I got kicked out
of my apartment.
You didn't get kicked out.
You moved out
to marry my fuckin' wife.
Oh, my God.
Ex-wife!
Okay. O...
So, how did the two of you
get hooked up?
Grindr.
No.
Claire.
She called me and said
Ben needed a place,
and I needed help
with the rent.
Yep.
Win-win.
Did you tell
your roommate
that there's a madman
who's trying to kill you?
Yes. That's why
he doesn't pay utilities.
Pretty good
school district, too.
And he didn't require
first and last so...
Do you guys even have
a bathroom?
Not regulation.
We got a coffee can
with some Lysol in it.
Think you'd be better off
getting shot in the head.
All right.
I'm gonna take a shit.
Little privacy, please.
It's not ideal.
♪♪
My name is Hanky,
and I'm an alcoholic,
but that's not
why I'm here.
Hey, Hanky.
I'm looking for
a deadbeat bookie named Tony
and you welching
motherfuckers.
Uhp!
Get the fuck back here,
fuckbag.
Oh.
There's my seat.
Where's my money?
Where's my fuckin' money?
Um...
W-with all due respect,
Godfather,
uh, this is a conversation
for a different time
and place.
We're... We're a group
of people here
trying to work through
our problems.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
You guys are
trying to get real,
trying to make yourself whole.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to do that, too.
But if you don't pay me
within 24 hours,
it is gonna be really hard
to make yourself whole again
after I chop
your fuckin' faces off.
W... I-Is he...
Is he threatening us?
Claire, pipe...
Pipe down, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought he was
threatening us.
No, Claire...
Claire's right.
You... You can't come in here
threatening people's lives
over, what is it,
$1,100, $1,200?
What have you been drinking?
I'm owed 72 large.
You got a beef.
Charlie said we owed you
12 boxes of ziti.
We figured
that was 1,200 bucks.
He's a kook.
What can I say?
It's still 72 grand.
Well, most of the debt
is Tony's, r-right, sir?
You just worry
about yourself,
duckturd.
You want to sing and dance,
you got to pay the band.
This is your final warning.
I'll be back tomorrow
for my money.
Oh.
Don't even think about running
because it's just like booze
for you guys...
Once you start,
you can never stop.
♪♪
Yeah, can you connect me
to the blood bank?
Can you please
get me there stat?
Whatever term you use,
could you please
get me there right away?
Oh, it's the same place?
Okay, cool.
Okay, I-I'll...
The fuck is duckturd
doing here?
He followed me home.
He's scared.
Is that my shirt?
Yeah.
Your boxers, too.
He sweated through
everything he was wearing,
and he was shivering.
He's okay now.
He took a bath.
We have a bath?
Oh, hi. H-How much do you pay
for a pint of blood?
Oh, that's fair.
Um, what's the most
I could give?
I can't do two?
Oh, I don't mind.
I could use the sleep.
Okay, that'll do.
Um...
Oh, hey, can you connect me
to the sperm lady, please?
New Guy, take my shirt off.
What?
I'm trying to move some jizz.
Seattle police are investigating...Yes, I'll hold.
...an abandoned, bloody car belonging to alleged mob boss Hanky Klocko.
Hey, guys, check it out.
We're switching live
to Janine Ray on location.
The investigators
are reporting
that a local businessman
with suspected underworld
ties,
Henry V. Klocko,
is missing and presumed dead.
I'll call you back,
Sperm Lady.
Mr. Klocko is well-known
to authorities...That's our guy, right?
In a Prius?
That seems odd.
Mobster in a Prius?
Now, Mr. Klocko's
blood-splattered vehicle
right behind me here
was found
in the Sand Point
neighborhood of Seattle.
Anyone with information
is being asked
to contact Seattle PD.
All right. New Guy,
I guess you can go home now.
Well, didn't they say
presumed dead?
Get the fuck out.
And you can keep my boxers.
But I want mine back.
Yeah, they're...
They're soaking
in your kitchen sink.
♪♪
A-Anyway, I feel really shitty
that I put you all
in harm's way.
But the good news is
Hanky Klocko's dead,
and our debt
will be buried
with him forever.
That's good news,
that someone died?
Well, yeah, that's the best
bad news I've ever heard.
So, uh...
Did you do it, Tony?
What?
Kill the guy.
What? No!
I faint at the sight of blood.
Oh, really?
You seemed pretty comfortable
when Mugsy had
that dart in his skull.
That's because
I was sitting down.
Guys,
Tony didn't kill anybody.
Did you, Tony?
Look, I was
with Ben all night.
You can ask him.
It was Taquito Tuesday.
Besides, you all
owed him money, too.
Hey,
Mugsy had the most to gain.
You owed him 500 bucks.
Hey, fuck you,
you little worm.
Where were you last night?
I have an airtight
alibi.
I was taking a bath
at Loudermilk's.
Unfortunately,
that checks out.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
Why was a grown-ass man
taking a bath
in your apartment?
He shit himself.
Uh...
S-sorry, New Guy.
He shit himself, and you
let him use our bathtub?
You didn't even know
we had a bathtub.
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, wait a second.
What about Roger?
You bet more than me.
Me? Ha!
I'm British.
Cloud,
why are you so quiet?
Well, I'm...
I'm always pretty quiet.
Why are you staring
at the ground like that, then?
Just embarrassed
'cause New Guy
shit his pants.
Besides, if anybody's got
the shifty eyes of a killer,
it's Ed.
I do not!
Maybe it was
blabbermouth Claire!What?
I was helping you
with your shit pants,
you idiot.
Why not Cisco?
He looks like a punk.
Me? I'm not the one with
the Silence of the Lambs
van, Mugsy.
Hey, you leave my van
out of this.
And how come nobody's
talking about Stevie?
Please, man! I ain't the one
with an untraceable harpoon.
For God's sake.
Yes, that's right.
First of all...
You know what?
The fact...
This whole thing started...
You were... You were...
You're a fuckin' loser, dude!
I did it.
You're a loser.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa!
Quiet!
Huh?
It was me.
What was you?
♪♪
You know.
Killed him.
No.
W... I don't... Why?
You didn't owe him any money.
He threatened our group,
my sober family.
Who is this guy?
I don't know.
He's only been coming here
a couple of years.
So you killed him?
I thought it through
from every angle.
It was our only option.
Or we could have
paid him.
None of you had the money.
And he was a bad man,
just like my dad.
♪♪
I did it for you guys.
Needless to say,
I'm hoping this can stay
in the room.
Oh. Totally.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, my lips are...Yeah.
See you guys.
See ya, pal!
Thanks again.
We're calling the cops, right?
- Absolutely.
- Why?
So we all get busted
for illegal gambling?
Uh, 'cause he killed a guy.
Well, to protect us.
No!
Not to protect me.
I was fine.
W-Well,
we were all involved.
We... We all
owed him money.
Fuck Hanky Klocko!
I say we let
sleeping mobsters lie.
I don't want anything
to do with this shit.
It's too late.
We're all guilty
if we don't say anything.
Yeah.
W-What if we kill
the killer kid
to cover our tracks,
like a hit-and-run
with that bicycle of his?
I mean, that'd be
a justified kill, right?
Oh, I'm not
listening to this.
I don't want
any part of this!
O-Okay, Dexter.
Take it down a notch.
We're not killing anybody.
Jesus.
I'm not just saying,
loose ends...
How can we turn him in
anyway?
Aren't our group conversations
protected
by that doctor-patient,
white-male-privilege program?
Loudermilk's not
a doctor.
No.
Not even close.
But it is supposed to be
anonymous, this group.
- Uh, we can't be snitches.
- You know what?
He's bullshitting,
trying to get some
street cred.
You know, people do that
all the time,
brag about killing people.
Who does that?
Everybody!
Well,
what if we turn him in?
Do we have to pay back
our debt?
Oh, stop it.
Wh... Are you all
so blinded by gambling
that you don't understand
a man was killed
by a member of our group?
I'm calling the cops,
and if you don't
fuckin' like it,
then that's on you.
Yes, I'd like
to report a murder.
Yes, I'll hold.
I guess it just goes
to show you y-you never
really know anybody.
Yeah, we had a murderer
sitting in our midst
for all this time.
We had absolutely no clue.
That's because
he never spoke.
Maybe we should have made
a better effort
to get him to open up.
Or maybe it's better
we didn't.
Yeah, but when he did open up,
that was one hell of a share.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Ah, hey.
Wow. You...
You're not in jail.
I mean, we... We all heard
that you'd been arrested.
Yep.
Uh, so...
H-how are you here?
They had to let me go.
No body.
It's really hard to prove
a murder case without a body.
And I hid it really well.
Um, uh, does anyone know
if there's a bathtub
in this church?
♪ Love, love
♪ Love is gonna come
as a photographer
♪ Yes, a photographer
Yeah, yeah
♪ I need love
♪ So someone better bring me
a photographer
♪ Yes, a photographer, yeah
♪ A flash
♪ A glimpse of perfect abs
♪ In flimsy floral dress
♪ Shows off her slender frame
♪ Enjoys a private stroll
♪ Love, love
♪ Love is gonna come
as a photographer
♪ Yes, a photographer
Yeah, yeah
♪♪