Loudermilk (2017–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - You're Only as Sick as Your Secrets - full transcript
I need help.
And a place to stay.
I can offer you help.
That ain't happening.
You should
let her crash here.
What?
a good guy, Show that you can be
you'll win some points
with Allison.
I got a copy of your book.
Would you at least
sign it for me?
You stay clean for 36 hours,
the sofa's yours.
Deal.
Yeah.
I got to use the bathroom.
Just a second.
Look what I found
behind the toilet.
I'm sorry, Sam.
You were supposed to watch her!
Sorry doesn't cut it, man!
You ever hear of a vision quest?
Don't leave me out of here,
you son of a bitch!
Aah!
Fuck you both!
I'm leaving!
So when'd you have
your last drink?
36 hours?
You made it.
Uh, who are you again?
I'm Carl.
Allison's boyfriend.
Yeah.
Enjoy your frittata.
Hey, maybe you guys can...
Can you settle a bet for me?
Sure.
I got a buddy who says
Gettysburg was more deadly
than Appomattox, okay.
And I tried to tell him
that despite its prevalence
in the cultural mindscape,
Gettysburg's actually
the less deadly of the two.
Am I right?
How would we know?
Well, 'cause you're
Civil War re-enactors, right?
I mean, there's no reason...
have beards like that
in this day and age.
there's no reason to
Civil War re-enactors.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We're not
I saw the itchy, flannel shirts,
and I...
Are you...
Are you lumberjacks?
No.
Time travelers?
You're time travelers.
We're musicians, asshole.
Well, I hope the band is called
The Time Traveling Lumberjacks
of the Confederacy.
Fuck you!
band name, though.
That is a pretty good
You're welcome.
I-I was just thinking.
Have you ever said a word
over and over,
and then it starts
to sound weird?
like that.
There are a lot of words
Towel.
Towel.
Towel?
I dry off with a towel?
Sponge. Sponge.
Squeegee. Squeegee.
bathroom products, huh?
Hmm. It's all
Cunt fart's another one.
Cunt fart... cunt fart...
cunt fart.
After a while,
it just starts to
lose its meaning.
a stickler here,
Actually, not to be
but "cunt fart" is two words.
It has a dash.
Cunt-dash-fart.
Yep.
Found the Harvard man.
Actually,
the word I was thinking
was, um, "daughter."
Daughter.
Daughter, daughter.
See what I mean?
Okay, so, why are thinking
of the word "daughter"?
I don't know.
It just pops into my head
this time of year.
my daughter's birthday.
And maybe 'cause next week's
Yeah, that...
that might have
something to do with it.
I didn't know
you had a daughter?
What is a cunt fart anyway?
It can't be gas, right?
No, it's air.
Like, this one time
I was having sex with Wyatt
when he was on some kind of,
like, herbal Viagra.
Let's just say he was pushing
a lot of air up there.
Kate Middleton.
Okay, thank you,
I think we ought to focus
on Mugsy's thing.
No, I want to hear
more about her thing.
Mugsy, what, uh...
are you gonna see your daughter
for her birthday?
no, no, no.
No. No, no, no, no,
I... I haven't seen her
How come?
in years.
Well, back when my old lady
and me got divorced,
my daughter...
there it is,
"dau-daughter, daughter"...
Anyway, my daughter Latte,
spending time with me
on the weekends.
uh, she didn't like
And then, one time,
she and her friends,
they wanted to go
to a Hannah Montana concert.
that was more important
She told me
than being with her dad.
Uh, little star-fucker, huh?
No. That's gross.
So, anyway, I said,
"No, it's my day,
and you can see Hannah Montana
anytime you want."
So, she got pissed,
and she said
I was ruining her life,
and that, uh, she didn't
want to see me anymore.
So, that was it.
That was it?
Yeah, that was it.
Loudermilk:
Pretty strong words,
wouldn't you say?
No. Teenagers
say shit like that.
Listen,
I-I-I would have accepted it
from a teenager.
if it came
She was only 10.
You haven't seen her
No.
since she was 10?
She made her choice,
and I'm just
honoring her wishes.
like a good father does.
You know,
Jesus Christ, Mugsy,
kids say dumb shit
like that, okay?
You got to... You got to
reach out to her.
No. As far as I'm concerned,
ball's in her court.
I'm here if she needs me.
She definitely needs you!
Well, whatever.
It's too late now.
She's 18. All grown up.
No, you're supposed to be
the grown up, you dumb fuck!
Now, come on!
You're somebody's father!
You start acting like one!
You know, Hannah Montana
doesn't even exist anymore.
She's turned into
some kind of sex gremlin.
Everybody changes.
Isn't it a shame?
Bruce Jenner's a chick.
Cute, little Chastity Bono
turned into that singer
from Smash Mouth.
Hey, where do you get
that herbal Viagra anyway?
Any gas station.
Goes by the name of
"Nature's Rod."
you're in the right group?
Hey, Eddie, you sure
What day is it?
Shouldn't be too hard
to find a 17-year-old girl
named "Latte."
By the way, what kind of maniac
names his daughter "Latte"?
a Starbucks or something?
What? Does he manage
From what I know about Mugsy,
she's lucky her name's
not "Quaalude" or "Hash Oil."
"Hash Oil," though,
that'd be a pretty cute name,
like Popeye and Olive Oyl
had a stoner daughter
named "Hash Oil"
and smokes all Popeye's spinach
or something like that.
Oh! Here she is.
That's her Faux Friends page.
to do that?
How were you just able
Mm-hmm.
How are you not?
I can't believe
how ignorant you are
when it comes to the Internet.
Well, it's like, I don't...
a fan of the thing
you know, I'm not
that destroyed
the music industry.
I feel like I'm
sleeping with the enemy now.
Well, as long as you're
sleeping with somebody.
You remember that movie?
Hello?
Hey, you.
No.
Well, no. I-I don't know
that I could right now.
Huh.
Look at her. She's adorable.
I got to go.
Hey, you know,
Mugsy's a fucking idiot.
We're in the middle
of something.
Bye.
Okay, talk to you soon.
Okay.
how somebody goes eight years
Yeah, I don't know
without talking
to their own kid.
See if you can figure out
where she lives
or how I can
get in touch with her.
Okay.
any more cranberry juice?
And, uh, do we have
Stop drinking cranberry juice.
You love cranberry juice.
No. No. I love vodka.
But I drink the cranberry juice
so I can pretend I taste vodka.
Allison! Hi!
Hi. I made meatballs.
But Carl surprised me
for the weekend,
with a trip to Gaza
so, you guys want them?
Aw, that's very sweet.
Absolutely. Thanks.
I don't have to share them
with fuck face, do I?
Uh, it might be nice.
but I'm in charge of them.
Okay,
- Okay.
- Come on in.
- Am I interrupting, or...?
- Nah. No, no, no.
I was just helping Loudermilk
find a girl online.
Well, how's that going?
Oh?
Terrific. We found her.
She's a little... young, no?
Yep. She's 17.
But she's got
a birthday coming up.
Hey, you think she still
likes Miley Cyrus?
Loudermilk:
It might loosen her up
if I brought her an album
or s...
Hey!
What are...
What are you doing here?
I, um... I just dropped by
some meatballs,
I got to go.
so, yeah, I'm... I got to...
Oh. Well, thanks.
That's... That's, uh...
Huh.
She brought meatballs.
Yeah, but I'm in charge of them.
That was nice of her, right?
She comes over,
drops off meatballs, and leaves.
She's, like,
the perfect woman.
Hello?
the wrong number.
Who? No, you got
Oh, it's perfectly fine.
Okay, you, too. Bye.
You two would make
an adorable couple.
And I know
you're both single.
Shut your mouth, Loudermilk.
Mrs. Wilkes stopped by
to see if you've been
making any progress
with her daughter, Claire.
Actually, yeah.
She, uh, she opened up
at the last meeting.
Oh? What did she say?
Did she give you any indication
of school?
of why she dropped out
Yeah, I don't...
what's said in the room.
I don't talk about
But she did open up?
I just told you she opened up.
The other day she called me
a B-I-T-C-H.
Well, don't take it personally.
She's just lashing out.
No, that was a good thing.
She used to call me the "C" word
and the "F" word.
A couple of times,
she even called me
the "N" word.
Uh, so she's getting better?
I don't know.
Alphabetically-speaking.
I'd love to know
what triggered this.
I know it was more
than her father dying.
Well,
why don't you fuckin' ask her?
Loudermilk!
What?
Why does every conversation
with you
have to turn ugly?
You asked me
to help your daughter,
not hump your leg.
called accountability,
There's a thing
and you need to open up
an account.
You don't know me,
and you don't know
what I've been through.
All right.
I'll look into it.
What a cocksucker.
Yeah.
All right, so, last week,
we touched on
some very heavy stuff
about fathers and daughters,
which I'm sure hit home
for a lot of us, right?
Come on! Really?
I took you down
road last time,
a very emotional
and now, you're all
sitting here on your hands
with you mouths shut.
Except Roger.
What does that tell me?
You, uh, suck at this?
doing the work in here but me!
It tells me that nobody's
What are you talking about?
We're all working
very hard in here.
Yeah?
H-How hard'd you work?
to your daughter?
Did you reach out
There's no point.
She doesn't want to see me.
And even if she did
want to see me, there'd...
there-there'd be no way
for me to find her.
Yeah, bullshit.
on the Internet!
I found her in two minutes
She lives 20 minutes from here
and goes to school
right down the street.
She's a cutie.
Yeah.
She volunteers
at a homeless shelter?
Oh, so maybe she's not
just a star-fucker.
That's good. Good.
Gonna be there on Saturday,
in fact.
I think
it's a perfect opportunity
to reintroduce yourself.
for you
What... What do you...
You mean just show up there?
And do what?
Talk to her.
Tell her you're her dad.
Tell her you're sorry.
Tell her you miss her.
Tell her you were wrong.
I-I wasn't wrong.
That was my day.
That was not
Hannah Montana's day.
Yeah, but you let that
ruin the relationship,
and that was wrong.
No. I can't.
Why not?
Because he's a pussy.
Do you know how wrong it is
to have a daughter
and simply choose
not to speak to her
for eight years?
and it hurts every day.
I lost my dad,
Don't you know
how important it is
for a girl to have her dad...
even a piece-of-shit dad
like you?
any of this to happen?
Hey, you think I wanted
Then fix it, dickhead!
Grow some balls
and go down there
and see your little girl.
Yeah, and... and say what?
Well, now, maybe Claire
could help you with that.
Because I'm sure
she probably understands
a little bit about
how your daughter feels.
Yeah?
Fuck it.
I'll go with you.
Mugsy?
Okay.
And you say I suck at this!
W-Well, you know.
- Come on.
- Jesus.
This is kind of a shitty place
for my daughter
Be proud of her.
to be hanging out.
who want to make a difference.
She's a young woman
And you gots
to have a good woman.
Sound strategy.
Thank you.
This... This is fucked up.
These guys all seem
so lost and broken.
Except for that guy.
That guy's not, like,
mentally-ill homeless,
he's like
bass player-homeless.
You know what these guys are,
is quitters.
That's a little harsh.
fucking quitters.
No, they're lousy
Life gives them
a nut-punch, sure,
but, uh, instead of digging in
and fighting back,
they just roll over
and let it define
for the rest of their lives.
who they're gonna be
Didn't you quit
being a music journalist?
There she is.
Where?
All right, now, come on.
Hey, hey, come on.
Come on. Come on.
Latte?
Sam Loudermilk.
And I think you know
who this guy is.
Hey.
I'm your father.
You want to... tell her
why you're here?
Why?
'Cause you're homeless?
Homeless? No.
Jesus.
Do I look like I'm homeless?
A little.
No.
Listen, I was thinking,
if you'd like, I-I-I'd like
to see you again.
it's been a long time.
I know
But I was thinking,
if, you know,
we could just get to know
each other a little bit,
if that's something
you're comfortable with?
This is weird.
where you were.
Mom would never tell me
So, I kind of thought
maybe you were dead.
Well, you know, in a way, I was.
Mm. Mm.
Yes, but, uh, he's not dead,
all right?
you're lucky in that, Latte.
I-I mean,
A lot of people,
they lose their father,
and...
and he never comes back.
Your dad was gone,
but he-here he is.
He's back from the dead.
He's like... He's like...
He's like E.T. in the cooler,
right?
I don't know what that is.
E.T.?
You don't?
Phone home.
The, uh, phone home.
Oh, man.
I-I've been a horrible dad.
Listen, I'm sorry.
I know you got a lot of anger,
but I was thinking
maybe we could, uh,
start with an ice cream cone
and put all of this behind us.
Yeah,
'cause that would make
everything all better.
Okay, look,
I accept your apology,
change the fact but it doesn't
that you walked out
on your nine kids.
What?!
You had nine kids?
Seven.
The twins weren't born yet.
Jesus Christ!
If it's any consolation, Latte:
the pain you caused me
made me want to help
other people in pain.
So, I'm a better person today
because you left us.
Man...
and all this time,
I did the wrong thing.
I was thinking
Let's get out of here.
Hey.
Affinity, communication,
and an empathy
for human condition
is what binds us,
and keeps a soul in wonder.
don't touch me, Two things...
and I think
you pissed your jammies.
I like you!
Ah, good...
I like that guy.
He fucking ditches out
on nine kids?!
Well, seven,
because the twins weren't...
Jesus Christ.
My dad was a great guy,
gets to live.
and this piece of shit
Yeah, well, hey,
you don't know
what was going on in his life,
all right?
He's an addict.
That's the answer, right there.
Fuckin' Latte!
She gets
the shit end of the stick
and she turns it
into a candy cane.
And look at me.
I get every break in the world,
some homeless junkie
and now I'm just
that sleeps on
some asshole's couch.
You know,
Ben's doing the best he can.
I don't...
all right, let's, uh...
all right?
let's go for a walk,
No. This way. Come on.
You know,
I bet if your dad was here,
you'd probably tell him
what was bothering you.
Of course, I'd be shitting
my pants in horror,
for six months.
'cause he's been dead
But he's not here.
I am.
What's eating at you?
Nothing's eating at me.
And if there was,
I wouldn't tell you.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Little help?
Uh, yeah, sure.
What are you doing?
What?
Go throw with the guy.
What? Why?
What do you mean "why"?
Look at him.
He doesn't have anybody
to play with.
Come on. Come on.
You'll get along great together.
It's not my fault
he doesn't have any friends.
Maybe he's a dick.
He's not a dick. That guy...
Look at him. Look at him.
He doesn't even
know how to be a dick.
Get out there. Come on.
Okay, fine.
Oh!
Charlie, that's high enough.
Ah, quit your bitchin'.
Oh, God.
It's like I'm at
the Cirque Du Soleil.
stale gummy fish,
Hey, I got some
if anybody wants?
Crazy stale.
Kind of like eating
birthday candles.
Thank you. I got to go.
I hope to see you around.
All right, yeah.
Bye, Claire.
Bye.
Nice to see you.
What do you know,
you're dating again!
we're out of bologna.
B.T. dubs,
Well, FYI,
we would have some
if you didn't E-A-T it all.
But look how much time
we're saving
by verbally texting.
LMFAO.
that Allison brought over.
I got some meatballs
Do they taste like
unrequited love?
Ha-ha-ha.
I think I got you
finally figured out, Claire.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
like you've lost somebody.
It feels to me
And that's what's got you down.
And I don't just mean your dad.
I know that's a big piece of it.
what's-his-name...
I certainly don't mean
uh, Pigpen.
Wyatt.
Yeah.
No, I'm thinking
it's somebody else.
Like somebody
you had feelings for.
Yeah? Am I right?
Somebody at school?
Another student maybe?
No.
Was it a teacher?
Oh, man.
Yeah, and then, that went south.
you quit school.
And that's why
I don't know
what I was thinking.
Professor Crane and I,
we just...
we bonded over books.
Hmm.
And then it was lunch.
And then it was dinner.
And then it was... more.
Um, and then it was over.
It was just...
It was the first time
in a long time
that I had felt... seen.
And heard.
And... connected.
and communication...
It's affinity
...and an empathy
for the human condition...
...that binds us all
and keeps a soul in wonder.
What's that from?
Well, fuck if I know.
why'd it end?
So, why, uh...
Because, um...
it had ran its course...
...for her.
Oh.
Oh, all right.
How did you know?
I just... I... had a hunch.
Uh, I... you know,
You know, had a gut feeling,
took a stab at it.
Got to give you credit.
You're good at what you do,
Loudermilk.
Mm.
if this is Allison, Oh, hey,
can you tell her
that the girl on the computer
is Mugsy's daughter?
Mm-hmm.
Think she bought it?
What the fuck
are you doing here?
You owe me money.
I gave you 20 bucks yesterday.
Yeah, but I gave it to Claire
for cigarettes.
$20 for cigarettes?
Yeah. Plus she showed me
her tits.
Charlie.
Uh, that's your problem,
I didn't tell you to do that.
Besides, she probably would have
Nunh-unh. I asked.
showed 'em to you for free.
You didn't even tell me
the professor was a woman!
I don't see gender.
By the way,
Claire is a horrible fisherman.
What are you talking about?
She had a hook
stuck in her tits, man!
here's 20 bucks, all right?
All right, all right,
Just go, okay?
Charlie, the bill is good.
Come on. Get out of here!
Meatballs are ready!
Hey, can you tell Charlie
that we don't have his Frisbee?
Yeah. No.
Y-You had it when
you were leaving,
remember and...
You're a real piece of shit.
You set me up!
You paid this little asshole
to talk to me!
No.
Yes, you did!
Well, you had to talk
to somebody.
You tricked me again!
Mm. If it ain't broke...
Look, the important thing is
that the truth is out, okay?
It's like Van Morrison said,
"the Healing Game"...
it's all part of
You know what?
Fuck you and your stupid,
old-man rock lyrics.
Fuck!
You like meatballs?
I have Down's Syndrome.
Of course
I love fuckin' meatballs!
All right, come on.
Hey, you think Allison, uh,
heard Claire yelling at me
last night?
I think they probably
heard that in Spokane.
Hello?
God damn it.
What're you doing?
No, no, no. No, no.
I've had it with that.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?!
Every time you answer the phone,
you do this stupid,
fake-ass laugh
No, I don't.
That's... What?
as you pick it up.
Yeah. No. Here's you.
Here's you on the phone.
Ah-ha-ha-ha... hello?
No, I don't do that.
You do! You absolutely do!
You do it every time.
It drives me fuckin' crazy!
exaggerating a little bit, Sam.
Okay. I think you're
Oh, you... Let's call.
Let's call.
I want to hear your
answering machine message.
Come on.
No, I want to hear it.
Let's listen.
"Schindler's List"
you could be watching
Because you could be...
at a funeral, all right?
and if the phone goes off,
you turn into the fucking
Pillsbury Doughboy!
Here we go.
Hello?
This is Ben.
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you, okay?
Okay, so let's talk about
how that went down.
at a comedy club, right?
You're obviously
Billy Burr's in town,
he's fuckin' killing it,
you're laughing your ass off.
Then you say,
"I'm gonna record
my outgoing message!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
No. No.
No, I don't think so.
Yeah?
No? No?
No.
That's not how it happens?
Well, what the fuck
is it then, okay?
Is it you just want
the whole world to think
in the middle of a laugh-riot
that you're living
or something?
'Cause that's bullshit!
I live with you.
I know that's bullshit.
Okay, I'm an addict!
Heaven forbid people
on the phone!
hear me laugh once or twice
I mean, is it so bad for people
that I'm a happy guy?
to think
What people?
What people
are you trying to fool?
somebody out there?
Are you trying to fool
Or are you trying
to fool yourself?
So I have a laugh on the phone.
Whatever. Big deal.
It's not just me, okay?
are talking about this.
A lot of people
"a lot of people are
talking about it"?
What do you mean
If people are talking about it,
how come I've never heard it?
Well, maybe only a true friend
would, uh, point it out to you.
Oh, well,
hopefully this is a real friend
calling right now!
Hello?
I have a problem.
about him ♪
♪ Well, I told my friend
♪ They all were on my side ♪
through the haze ♪
♪ When I could see
♪ He looked so crazy ♪
♪ I put my head right down ♪
♪ And I cried ♪
♪ For my poor lover ♪
for my poor lover ♪
♪ Cried like a mother
about it ♪
♪ Well, I felt so sad
.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected
by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVII
And a place to stay.
I can offer you help.
That ain't happening.
You should
let her crash here.
What?
a good guy, Show that you can be
you'll win some points
with Allison.
I got a copy of your book.
Would you at least
sign it for me?
You stay clean for 36 hours,
the sofa's yours.
Deal.
Yeah.
I got to use the bathroom.
Just a second.
Look what I found
behind the toilet.
I'm sorry, Sam.
You were supposed to watch her!
Sorry doesn't cut it, man!
You ever hear of a vision quest?
Don't leave me out of here,
you son of a bitch!
Aah!
Fuck you both!
I'm leaving!
So when'd you have
your last drink?
36 hours?
You made it.
Uh, who are you again?
I'm Carl.
Allison's boyfriend.
Yeah.
Enjoy your frittata.
Hey, maybe you guys can...
Can you settle a bet for me?
Sure.
I got a buddy who says
Gettysburg was more deadly
than Appomattox, okay.
And I tried to tell him
that despite its prevalence
in the cultural mindscape,
Gettysburg's actually
the less deadly of the two.
Am I right?
How would we know?
Well, 'cause you're
Civil War re-enactors, right?
I mean, there's no reason...
have beards like that
in this day and age.
there's no reason to
Civil War re-enactors.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We're not
I saw the itchy, flannel shirts,
and I...
Are you...
Are you lumberjacks?
No.
Time travelers?
You're time travelers.
We're musicians, asshole.
Well, I hope the band is called
The Time Traveling Lumberjacks
of the Confederacy.
Fuck you!
band name, though.
That is a pretty good
You're welcome.
I-I was just thinking.
Have you ever said a word
over and over,
and then it starts
to sound weird?
like that.
There are a lot of words
Towel.
Towel.
Towel?
I dry off with a towel?
Sponge. Sponge.
Squeegee. Squeegee.
bathroom products, huh?
Hmm. It's all
Cunt fart's another one.
Cunt fart... cunt fart...
cunt fart.
After a while,
it just starts to
lose its meaning.
a stickler here,
Actually, not to be
but "cunt fart" is two words.
It has a dash.
Cunt-dash-fart.
Yep.
Found the Harvard man.
Actually,
the word I was thinking
was, um, "daughter."
Daughter.
Daughter, daughter.
See what I mean?
Okay, so, why are thinking
of the word "daughter"?
I don't know.
It just pops into my head
this time of year.
my daughter's birthday.
And maybe 'cause next week's
Yeah, that...
that might have
something to do with it.
I didn't know
you had a daughter?
What is a cunt fart anyway?
It can't be gas, right?
No, it's air.
Like, this one time
I was having sex with Wyatt
when he was on some kind of,
like, herbal Viagra.
Let's just say he was pushing
a lot of air up there.
Kate Middleton.
Okay, thank you,
I think we ought to focus
on Mugsy's thing.
No, I want to hear
more about her thing.
Mugsy, what, uh...
are you gonna see your daughter
for her birthday?
no, no, no.
No. No, no, no, no,
I... I haven't seen her
How come?
in years.
Well, back when my old lady
and me got divorced,
my daughter...
there it is,
"dau-daughter, daughter"...
Anyway, my daughter Latte,
spending time with me
on the weekends.
uh, she didn't like
And then, one time,
she and her friends,
they wanted to go
to a Hannah Montana concert.
that was more important
She told me
than being with her dad.
Uh, little star-fucker, huh?
No. That's gross.
So, anyway, I said,
"No, it's my day,
and you can see Hannah Montana
anytime you want."
So, she got pissed,
and she said
I was ruining her life,
and that, uh, she didn't
want to see me anymore.
So, that was it.
That was it?
Yeah, that was it.
Loudermilk:
Pretty strong words,
wouldn't you say?
No. Teenagers
say shit like that.
Listen,
I-I-I would have accepted it
from a teenager.
if it came
She was only 10.
You haven't seen her
No.
since she was 10?
She made her choice,
and I'm just
honoring her wishes.
like a good father does.
You know,
Jesus Christ, Mugsy,
kids say dumb shit
like that, okay?
You got to... You got to
reach out to her.
No. As far as I'm concerned,
ball's in her court.
I'm here if she needs me.
She definitely needs you!
Well, whatever.
It's too late now.
She's 18. All grown up.
No, you're supposed to be
the grown up, you dumb fuck!
Now, come on!
You're somebody's father!
You start acting like one!
You know, Hannah Montana
doesn't even exist anymore.
She's turned into
some kind of sex gremlin.
Everybody changes.
Isn't it a shame?
Bruce Jenner's a chick.
Cute, little Chastity Bono
turned into that singer
from Smash Mouth.
Hey, where do you get
that herbal Viagra anyway?
Any gas station.
Goes by the name of
"Nature's Rod."
you're in the right group?
Hey, Eddie, you sure
What day is it?
Shouldn't be too hard
to find a 17-year-old girl
named "Latte."
By the way, what kind of maniac
names his daughter "Latte"?
a Starbucks or something?
What? Does he manage
From what I know about Mugsy,
she's lucky her name's
not "Quaalude" or "Hash Oil."
"Hash Oil," though,
that'd be a pretty cute name,
like Popeye and Olive Oyl
had a stoner daughter
named "Hash Oil"
and smokes all Popeye's spinach
or something like that.
Oh! Here she is.
That's her Faux Friends page.
to do that?
How were you just able
Mm-hmm.
How are you not?
I can't believe
how ignorant you are
when it comes to the Internet.
Well, it's like, I don't...
a fan of the thing
you know, I'm not
that destroyed
the music industry.
I feel like I'm
sleeping with the enemy now.
Well, as long as you're
sleeping with somebody.
You remember that movie?
Hello?
Hey, you.
No.
Well, no. I-I don't know
that I could right now.
Huh.
Look at her. She's adorable.
I got to go.
Hey, you know,
Mugsy's a fucking idiot.
We're in the middle
of something.
Bye.
Okay, talk to you soon.
Okay.
how somebody goes eight years
Yeah, I don't know
without talking
to their own kid.
See if you can figure out
where she lives
or how I can
get in touch with her.
Okay.
any more cranberry juice?
And, uh, do we have
Stop drinking cranberry juice.
You love cranberry juice.
No. No. I love vodka.
But I drink the cranberry juice
so I can pretend I taste vodka.
Allison! Hi!
Hi. I made meatballs.
But Carl surprised me
for the weekend,
with a trip to Gaza
so, you guys want them?
Aw, that's very sweet.
Absolutely. Thanks.
I don't have to share them
with fuck face, do I?
Uh, it might be nice.
but I'm in charge of them.
Okay,
- Okay.
- Come on in.
- Am I interrupting, or...?
- Nah. No, no, no.
I was just helping Loudermilk
find a girl online.
Well, how's that going?
Oh?
Terrific. We found her.
She's a little... young, no?
Yep. She's 17.
But she's got
a birthday coming up.
Hey, you think she still
likes Miley Cyrus?
Loudermilk:
It might loosen her up
if I brought her an album
or s...
Hey!
What are...
What are you doing here?
I, um... I just dropped by
some meatballs,
I got to go.
so, yeah, I'm... I got to...
Oh. Well, thanks.
That's... That's, uh...
Huh.
She brought meatballs.
Yeah, but I'm in charge of them.
That was nice of her, right?
She comes over,
drops off meatballs, and leaves.
She's, like,
the perfect woman.
Hello?
the wrong number.
Who? No, you got
Oh, it's perfectly fine.
Okay, you, too. Bye.
You two would make
an adorable couple.
And I know
you're both single.
Shut your mouth, Loudermilk.
Mrs. Wilkes stopped by
to see if you've been
making any progress
with her daughter, Claire.
Actually, yeah.
She, uh, she opened up
at the last meeting.
Oh? What did she say?
Did she give you any indication
of school?
of why she dropped out
Yeah, I don't...
what's said in the room.
I don't talk about
But she did open up?
I just told you she opened up.
The other day she called me
a B-I-T-C-H.
Well, don't take it personally.
She's just lashing out.
No, that was a good thing.
She used to call me the "C" word
and the "F" word.
A couple of times,
she even called me
the "N" word.
Uh, so she's getting better?
I don't know.
Alphabetically-speaking.
I'd love to know
what triggered this.
I know it was more
than her father dying.
Well,
why don't you fuckin' ask her?
Loudermilk!
What?
Why does every conversation
with you
have to turn ugly?
You asked me
to help your daughter,
not hump your leg.
called accountability,
There's a thing
and you need to open up
an account.
You don't know me,
and you don't know
what I've been through.
All right.
I'll look into it.
What a cocksucker.
Yeah.
All right, so, last week,
we touched on
some very heavy stuff
about fathers and daughters,
which I'm sure hit home
for a lot of us, right?
Come on! Really?
I took you down
road last time,
a very emotional
and now, you're all
sitting here on your hands
with you mouths shut.
Except Roger.
What does that tell me?
You, uh, suck at this?
doing the work in here but me!
It tells me that nobody's
What are you talking about?
We're all working
very hard in here.
Yeah?
H-How hard'd you work?
to your daughter?
Did you reach out
There's no point.
She doesn't want to see me.
And even if she did
want to see me, there'd...
there-there'd be no way
for me to find her.
Yeah, bullshit.
on the Internet!
I found her in two minutes
She lives 20 minutes from here
and goes to school
right down the street.
She's a cutie.
Yeah.
She volunteers
at a homeless shelter?
Oh, so maybe she's not
just a star-fucker.
That's good. Good.
Gonna be there on Saturday,
in fact.
I think
it's a perfect opportunity
to reintroduce yourself.
for you
What... What do you...
You mean just show up there?
And do what?
Talk to her.
Tell her you're her dad.
Tell her you're sorry.
Tell her you miss her.
Tell her you were wrong.
I-I wasn't wrong.
That was my day.
That was not
Hannah Montana's day.
Yeah, but you let that
ruin the relationship,
and that was wrong.
No. I can't.
Why not?
Because he's a pussy.
Do you know how wrong it is
to have a daughter
and simply choose
not to speak to her
for eight years?
and it hurts every day.
I lost my dad,
Don't you know
how important it is
for a girl to have her dad...
even a piece-of-shit dad
like you?
any of this to happen?
Hey, you think I wanted
Then fix it, dickhead!
Grow some balls
and go down there
and see your little girl.
Yeah, and... and say what?
Well, now, maybe Claire
could help you with that.
Because I'm sure
she probably understands
a little bit about
how your daughter feels.
Yeah?
Fuck it.
I'll go with you.
Mugsy?
Okay.
And you say I suck at this!
W-Well, you know.
- Come on.
- Jesus.
This is kind of a shitty place
for my daughter
Be proud of her.
to be hanging out.
who want to make a difference.
She's a young woman
And you gots
to have a good woman.
Sound strategy.
Thank you.
This... This is fucked up.
These guys all seem
so lost and broken.
Except for that guy.
That guy's not, like,
mentally-ill homeless,
he's like
bass player-homeless.
You know what these guys are,
is quitters.
That's a little harsh.
fucking quitters.
No, they're lousy
Life gives them
a nut-punch, sure,
but, uh, instead of digging in
and fighting back,
they just roll over
and let it define
for the rest of their lives.
who they're gonna be
Didn't you quit
being a music journalist?
There she is.
Where?
All right, now, come on.
Hey, hey, come on.
Come on. Come on.
Latte?
Sam Loudermilk.
And I think you know
who this guy is.
Hey.
I'm your father.
You want to... tell her
why you're here?
Why?
'Cause you're homeless?
Homeless? No.
Jesus.
Do I look like I'm homeless?
A little.
No.
Listen, I was thinking,
if you'd like, I-I-I'd like
to see you again.
it's been a long time.
I know
But I was thinking,
if, you know,
we could just get to know
each other a little bit,
if that's something
you're comfortable with?
This is weird.
where you were.
Mom would never tell me
So, I kind of thought
maybe you were dead.
Well, you know, in a way, I was.
Mm. Mm.
Yes, but, uh, he's not dead,
all right?
you're lucky in that, Latte.
I-I mean,
A lot of people,
they lose their father,
and...
and he never comes back.
Your dad was gone,
but he-here he is.
He's back from the dead.
He's like... He's like...
He's like E.T. in the cooler,
right?
I don't know what that is.
E.T.?
You don't?
Phone home.
The, uh, phone home.
Oh, man.
I-I've been a horrible dad.
Listen, I'm sorry.
I know you got a lot of anger,
but I was thinking
maybe we could, uh,
start with an ice cream cone
and put all of this behind us.
Yeah,
'cause that would make
everything all better.
Okay, look,
I accept your apology,
change the fact but it doesn't
that you walked out
on your nine kids.
What?!
You had nine kids?
Seven.
The twins weren't born yet.
Jesus Christ!
If it's any consolation, Latte:
the pain you caused me
made me want to help
other people in pain.
So, I'm a better person today
because you left us.
Man...
and all this time,
I did the wrong thing.
I was thinking
Let's get out of here.
Hey.
Affinity, communication,
and an empathy
for human condition
is what binds us,
and keeps a soul in wonder.
don't touch me, Two things...
and I think
you pissed your jammies.
I like you!
Ah, good...
I like that guy.
He fucking ditches out
on nine kids?!
Well, seven,
because the twins weren't...
Jesus Christ.
My dad was a great guy,
gets to live.
and this piece of shit
Yeah, well, hey,
you don't know
what was going on in his life,
all right?
He's an addict.
That's the answer, right there.
Fuckin' Latte!
She gets
the shit end of the stick
and she turns it
into a candy cane.
And look at me.
I get every break in the world,
some homeless junkie
and now I'm just
that sleeps on
some asshole's couch.
You know,
Ben's doing the best he can.
I don't...
all right, let's, uh...
all right?
let's go for a walk,
No. This way. Come on.
You know,
I bet if your dad was here,
you'd probably tell him
what was bothering you.
Of course, I'd be shitting
my pants in horror,
for six months.
'cause he's been dead
But he's not here.
I am.
What's eating at you?
Nothing's eating at me.
And if there was,
I wouldn't tell you.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Little help?
Uh, yeah, sure.
What are you doing?
What?
Go throw with the guy.
What? Why?
What do you mean "why"?
Look at him.
He doesn't have anybody
to play with.
Come on. Come on.
You'll get along great together.
It's not my fault
he doesn't have any friends.
Maybe he's a dick.
He's not a dick. That guy...
Look at him. Look at him.
He doesn't even
know how to be a dick.
Get out there. Come on.
Okay, fine.
Oh!
Charlie, that's high enough.
Ah, quit your bitchin'.
Oh, God.
It's like I'm at
the Cirque Du Soleil.
stale gummy fish,
Hey, I got some
if anybody wants?
Crazy stale.
Kind of like eating
birthday candles.
Thank you. I got to go.
I hope to see you around.
All right, yeah.
Bye, Claire.
Bye.
Nice to see you.
What do you know,
you're dating again!
we're out of bologna.
B.T. dubs,
Well, FYI,
we would have some
if you didn't E-A-T it all.
But look how much time
we're saving
by verbally texting.
LMFAO.
that Allison brought over.
I got some meatballs
Do they taste like
unrequited love?
Ha-ha-ha.
I think I got you
finally figured out, Claire.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
like you've lost somebody.
It feels to me
And that's what's got you down.
And I don't just mean your dad.
I know that's a big piece of it.
what's-his-name...
I certainly don't mean
uh, Pigpen.
Wyatt.
Yeah.
No, I'm thinking
it's somebody else.
Like somebody
you had feelings for.
Yeah? Am I right?
Somebody at school?
Another student maybe?
No.
Was it a teacher?
Oh, man.
Yeah, and then, that went south.
you quit school.
And that's why
I don't know
what I was thinking.
Professor Crane and I,
we just...
we bonded over books.
Hmm.
And then it was lunch.
And then it was dinner.
And then it was... more.
Um, and then it was over.
It was just...
It was the first time
in a long time
that I had felt... seen.
And heard.
And... connected.
and communication...
It's affinity
...and an empathy
for the human condition...
...that binds us all
and keeps a soul in wonder.
What's that from?
Well, fuck if I know.
why'd it end?
So, why, uh...
Because, um...
it had ran its course...
...for her.
Oh.
Oh, all right.
How did you know?
I just... I... had a hunch.
Uh, I... you know,
You know, had a gut feeling,
took a stab at it.
Got to give you credit.
You're good at what you do,
Loudermilk.
Mm.
if this is Allison, Oh, hey,
can you tell her
that the girl on the computer
is Mugsy's daughter?
Mm-hmm.
Think she bought it?
What the fuck
are you doing here?
You owe me money.
I gave you 20 bucks yesterday.
Yeah, but I gave it to Claire
for cigarettes.
$20 for cigarettes?
Yeah. Plus she showed me
her tits.
Charlie.
Uh, that's your problem,
I didn't tell you to do that.
Besides, she probably would have
Nunh-unh. I asked.
showed 'em to you for free.
You didn't even tell me
the professor was a woman!
I don't see gender.
By the way,
Claire is a horrible fisherman.
What are you talking about?
She had a hook
stuck in her tits, man!
here's 20 bucks, all right?
All right, all right,
Just go, okay?
Charlie, the bill is good.
Come on. Get out of here!
Meatballs are ready!
Hey, can you tell Charlie
that we don't have his Frisbee?
Yeah. No.
Y-You had it when
you were leaving,
remember and...
You're a real piece of shit.
You set me up!
You paid this little asshole
to talk to me!
No.
Yes, you did!
Well, you had to talk
to somebody.
You tricked me again!
Mm. If it ain't broke...
Look, the important thing is
that the truth is out, okay?
It's like Van Morrison said,
"the Healing Game"...
it's all part of
You know what?
Fuck you and your stupid,
old-man rock lyrics.
Fuck!
You like meatballs?
I have Down's Syndrome.
Of course
I love fuckin' meatballs!
All right, come on.
Hey, you think Allison, uh,
heard Claire yelling at me
last night?
I think they probably
heard that in Spokane.
Hello?
God damn it.
What're you doing?
No, no, no. No, no.
I've had it with that.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?!
Every time you answer the phone,
you do this stupid,
fake-ass laugh
No, I don't.
That's... What?
as you pick it up.
Yeah. No. Here's you.
Here's you on the phone.
Ah-ha-ha-ha... hello?
No, I don't do that.
You do! You absolutely do!
You do it every time.
It drives me fuckin' crazy!
exaggerating a little bit, Sam.
Okay. I think you're
Oh, you... Let's call.
Let's call.
I want to hear your
answering machine message.
Come on.
No, I want to hear it.
Let's listen.
"Schindler's List"
you could be watching
Because you could be...
at a funeral, all right?
and if the phone goes off,
you turn into the fucking
Pillsbury Doughboy!
Here we go.
Hello?
This is Ben.
Leave a message
and I'll get back to you, okay?
Okay, so let's talk about
how that went down.
at a comedy club, right?
You're obviously
Billy Burr's in town,
he's fuckin' killing it,
you're laughing your ass off.
Then you say,
"I'm gonna record
my outgoing message!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
No. No.
No, I don't think so.
Yeah?
No? No?
No.
That's not how it happens?
Well, what the fuck
is it then, okay?
Is it you just want
the whole world to think
in the middle of a laugh-riot
that you're living
or something?
'Cause that's bullshit!
I live with you.
I know that's bullshit.
Okay, I'm an addict!
Heaven forbid people
on the phone!
hear me laugh once or twice
I mean, is it so bad for people
that I'm a happy guy?
to think
What people?
What people
are you trying to fool?
somebody out there?
Are you trying to fool
Or are you trying
to fool yourself?
So I have a laugh on the phone.
Whatever. Big deal.
It's not just me, okay?
are talking about this.
A lot of people
"a lot of people are
talking about it"?
What do you mean
If people are talking about it,
how come I've never heard it?
Well, maybe only a true friend
would, uh, point it out to you.
Oh, well,
hopefully this is a real friend
calling right now!
Hello?
I have a problem.
about him ♪
♪ Well, I told my friend
♪ They all were on my side ♪
through the haze ♪
♪ When I could see
♪ He looked so crazy ♪
♪ I put my head right down ♪
♪ And I cried ♪
♪ For my poor lover ♪
for my poor lover ♪
♪ Cried like a mother
about it ♪
♪ Well, I felt so sad
.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected
by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVII