Looney Tunes Cartoons (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 15 - Lepreconned/Flag Won't Stay Straight/Brave New Home - full transcript
Bugs Bunny is looking for Hawaii but finds Ireland and an angry leprechaun instead. Marvin's flag begins to lose its balance when he plants it. Porky Pig's new home has all the modern amenities anyone could hope for, including a computerized assistant - but the voice recognition software could use an update.
[theme music playing]
Aloha!
Here I am!
Sunny skies, sandy beaches,
and all of them colorful drinks
with the tiny umbrellas.
Wait a maka-laka-huki minute.
This don't look like Kauai.
Huh?
"I-re-land"?
Ain't that just my luck?
Well, I'm here. Might as well
make the best of it
and check out the local colors.
Mmm, very nice greens.
Some chartreuse. Teal.
Oh, would you look at that.
[grunting]
Maybe this will change my luck.
Hold on,
ya cottony creature!
Just where do ya think
you're goin' with that now?
Hey, uh,
what's up, O'Doc?
Oh-ho, tryin' to pull
a fast one on me, eh?
I know exactly
why you're here!
You're here to steal
me pot o' gold!
Pot o' gold? Me?
Nah, Doc,
I already got 24 carats.
A potato?
Aye! And there's more
where that came from.
[mimicking gun cocking]
[gunshots]
[gunshots continue]
You can run boy-o!
But I'll get ya!
[machine gunfire]
Oh, say, uh,
what ya makin'
there, rabbit?
Why, shepherd's pie, Doc!
[slurps]
-Want some?
-Mmm-hmm.
Open wide.
[sizzling]
-[alarm ringing]
-[screaming]
Mmm, tastes good, though.
[muffled screaming]
I best get going
before the little pixie
spuds me again.
Oh-ho, fixin' to scatter
with me gold, are ye?
And I'm a leprechaun,
I'll have ya know!
Leprechaun?
There ain't no such thing!
I be as real
as the cotton
on ye face!
-Oh, yeah?
-Aye!
A real leprechaun
could dance an Irish jig!
And I can do just that,
ya bloomin' eejit!
Play on.
[Irish music playing]
[tempo increasing]
[struggling]
Aw. He's trying to hit me
with his little candy cane.
Little kids shouldn't play
with dangerous sticks!
Well, it's been fun.
[thuds]
All right, rabbit,
your luck's run out!
You'll never leave
with me gold!
[thunder rumbling]
[lightning buzzing]
Yikes!
Har, har, har, har, har!
Penny for your thoughts, Bunny!
Faith n' begorrah!
Me pot o'gold!
Step back!
One more move
and I'll give it the ax!
Now, now, rabbit,
let's not do anything
hasty now.
[shouting] I'll do it!
I'll really give it to him!
Ahhh!
You're full blown mad!
Oh, for the love of Pete!
I'm beggin' ya!
He's gonna get it!
I'm givin' it to him!
[yelling] Don't do it!
Here you are, Pot.
Why, thank you.
[gasping] Who? What?
Where? When? Huh?
Hey! What do you know?
I'm at the beach.
Lucky for me
that was just a crazy dream.
Well, now,
I wouldn't say that.
Muah!
[Irish music playing]
I claim this planet
in the name of Mars!
[creaking]
[rumbling]
Oh, dear.
[creaking]
[loud creaking]
Oh!
Oh, well,
might as well
hang in there.
[thuds]
[theme music playing]
[pleasant music playing]
[agent] Welcome
to your new home, Porky.
It's got all the modern
amenities
the current
homebuyer wants.
[chuckles] I should know!
I paid for 'em!
But what you don't know
is that we've installed
our Computerized
Home Assistance
Machine Program,
or CHAMP for short!
Good morning, CHAMP!
[CHAMP] Good morning.
CHAMP, lights off.
Lights off.
-CHAMP, lights on.
-Lights on.
Wait, there's more.
CHAMP, water the plant.
Watering the plant.
[slurping]
[agent] CHAMP, I'd like
to watch some television.
Setting up
mega HD television.
-[grunts]
-So realistic.
[agent]
And my favorite feature...
CHAMP, I'd like
a quick sandwich, please.
Producing a quick sandwich.
[bell dings]
[growling]
[burps loudly]
Oh, excuse me. [giggles]
So remember,
CHAMP will do anything
and everything
you tell it to.
Don't be afraid to ask!
-[cell phone ringing]
-[beeps]
[man over phone]
Carol, where are you?
I got a buyer here!
Time to sell
an overpriced home
to another sucker.
Gotta go, Porky!
Boy, home buying
sure makes me hungry!
Why don't I give
this CHAMP thing a try?
Oh, CHAMP!
Awaiting command, sir.
Sir? I like him already.
CHAMP, I want a quick sand...
[stuttering]
Producing quicksand.
What?
[yowling]
This darned machine!
You have to listen to me
more carefully.
I apologize.
Listening more carefully.
Well, good. Now, listen here.
I want you
to make me a sandwich.
Making you a sandwich.
Thank you.
Hey, CHAMP!
[sneezes]
[whirring]
[crying]
[screams]
Would you like avocado?
Absolutely n...
Absolutely.
That'll be $2 extra.
Charging your credit card.
-[cash register dings]
-$2!
Don't! Stop!
I won't stop.
Now see here.
Stop this
monkey business!
CHAMP, make me
a sandwich
for me to eat!
Making a sandwich for you
to eat.
With no tricks.
Without any tricks.
[whirring]
Thank you, CHAMP.
[boy] Oh,
slow down, boy!
Hey, Champ!
Drop it!
Dropping it.
Champ, pick it up!
[CHAMP] Picking it up.
Gee, boy,
this ball is filthy!
Champ, go wash it
in your bowl.
-[CHAMP]
Washing in bowl.
-Hey, wait!
[gurgling]
-Where'd you find
that mud, boy?
-[panting]
Champ, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
Stop, boy, stop!
-Champ, go away!
-[whimpering]
[sighs] Going away.
[creaking]
[gasps]
Homeownership
sure has me poo...
[stuttering] wiped.
-[creaking]
-[gasps]
What is it now?
[gloomy music playing]
All I wanted
was a sandwich.
Oh, boy,
a fresh sandwich!
[barks]
[cracking]
[shattering]
[theme music playing]
Aloha!
Here I am!
Sunny skies, sandy beaches,
and all of them colorful drinks
with the tiny umbrellas.
Wait a maka-laka-huki minute.
This don't look like Kauai.
Huh?
"I-re-land"?
Ain't that just my luck?
Well, I'm here. Might as well
make the best of it
and check out the local colors.
Mmm, very nice greens.
Some chartreuse. Teal.
Oh, would you look at that.
[grunting]
Maybe this will change my luck.
Hold on,
ya cottony creature!
Just where do ya think
you're goin' with that now?
Hey, uh,
what's up, O'Doc?
Oh-ho, tryin' to pull
a fast one on me, eh?
I know exactly
why you're here!
You're here to steal
me pot o' gold!
Pot o' gold? Me?
Nah, Doc,
I already got 24 carats.
A potato?
Aye! And there's more
where that came from.
[mimicking gun cocking]
[gunshots]
[gunshots continue]
You can run boy-o!
But I'll get ya!
[machine gunfire]
Oh, say, uh,
what ya makin'
there, rabbit?
Why, shepherd's pie, Doc!
[slurps]
-Want some?
-Mmm-hmm.
Open wide.
[sizzling]
-[alarm ringing]
-[screaming]
Mmm, tastes good, though.
[muffled screaming]
I best get going
before the little pixie
spuds me again.
Oh-ho, fixin' to scatter
with me gold, are ye?
And I'm a leprechaun,
I'll have ya know!
Leprechaun?
There ain't no such thing!
I be as real
as the cotton
on ye face!
-Oh, yeah?
-Aye!
A real leprechaun
could dance an Irish jig!
And I can do just that,
ya bloomin' eejit!
Play on.
[Irish music playing]
[tempo increasing]
[struggling]
Aw. He's trying to hit me
with his little candy cane.
Little kids shouldn't play
with dangerous sticks!
Well, it's been fun.
[thuds]
All right, rabbit,
your luck's run out!
You'll never leave
with me gold!
[thunder rumbling]
[lightning buzzing]
Yikes!
Har, har, har, har, har!
Penny for your thoughts, Bunny!
Faith n' begorrah!
Me pot o'gold!
Step back!
One more move
and I'll give it the ax!
Now, now, rabbit,
let's not do anything
hasty now.
[shouting] I'll do it!
I'll really give it to him!
Ahhh!
You're full blown mad!
Oh, for the love of Pete!
I'm beggin' ya!
He's gonna get it!
I'm givin' it to him!
[yelling] Don't do it!
Here you are, Pot.
Why, thank you.
[gasping] Who? What?
Where? When? Huh?
Hey! What do you know?
I'm at the beach.
Lucky for me
that was just a crazy dream.
Well, now,
I wouldn't say that.
Muah!
[Irish music playing]
I claim this planet
in the name of Mars!
[creaking]
[rumbling]
Oh, dear.
[creaking]
[loud creaking]
Oh!
Oh, well,
might as well
hang in there.
[thuds]
[theme music playing]
[pleasant music playing]
[agent] Welcome
to your new home, Porky.
It's got all the modern
amenities
the current
homebuyer wants.
[chuckles] I should know!
I paid for 'em!
But what you don't know
is that we've installed
our Computerized
Home Assistance
Machine Program,
or CHAMP for short!
Good morning, CHAMP!
[CHAMP] Good morning.
CHAMP, lights off.
Lights off.
-CHAMP, lights on.
-Lights on.
Wait, there's more.
CHAMP, water the plant.
Watering the plant.
[slurping]
[agent] CHAMP, I'd like
to watch some television.
Setting up
mega HD television.
-[grunts]
-So realistic.
[agent]
And my favorite feature...
CHAMP, I'd like
a quick sandwich, please.
Producing a quick sandwich.
[bell dings]
[growling]
[burps loudly]
Oh, excuse me. [giggles]
So remember,
CHAMP will do anything
and everything
you tell it to.
Don't be afraid to ask!
-[cell phone ringing]
-[beeps]
[man over phone]
Carol, where are you?
I got a buyer here!
Time to sell
an overpriced home
to another sucker.
Gotta go, Porky!
Boy, home buying
sure makes me hungry!
Why don't I give
this CHAMP thing a try?
Oh, CHAMP!
Awaiting command, sir.
Sir? I like him already.
CHAMP, I want a quick sand...
[stuttering]
Producing quicksand.
What?
[yowling]
This darned machine!
You have to listen to me
more carefully.
I apologize.
Listening more carefully.
Well, good. Now, listen here.
I want you
to make me a sandwich.
Making you a sandwich.
Thank you.
Hey, CHAMP!
[sneezes]
[whirring]
[crying]
[screams]
Would you like avocado?
Absolutely n...
Absolutely.
That'll be $2 extra.
Charging your credit card.
-[cash register dings]
-$2!
Don't! Stop!
I won't stop.
Now see here.
Stop this
monkey business!
CHAMP, make me
a sandwich
for me to eat!
Making a sandwich for you
to eat.
With no tricks.
Without any tricks.
[whirring]
Thank you, CHAMP.
[boy] Oh,
slow down, boy!
Hey, Champ!
Drop it!
Dropping it.
Champ, pick it up!
[CHAMP] Picking it up.
Gee, boy,
this ball is filthy!
Champ, go wash it
in your bowl.
-[CHAMP]
Washing in bowl.
-Hey, wait!
[gurgling]
-Where'd you find
that mud, boy?
-[panting]
Champ, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
Stop, boy, stop!
-Champ, go away!
-[whimpering]
[sighs] Going away.
[creaking]
[gasps]
Homeownership
sure has me poo...
[stuttering] wiped.
-[creaking]
-[gasps]
What is it now?
[gloomy music playing]
All I wanted
was a sandwich.
Oh, boy,
a fresh sandwich!
[barks]
[cracking]
[shattering]
[theme music playing]