Look (2010): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript
(static buzzing)
- [Narrator] Previously on Look.
- We got two hot ones!
- Oh!
- Woop!
- Psyche!
- You're Dan the weatherman?
- Yee-Haw!
- God, I watch you every night!
- (sniffing) Ah!
I am going to file for fucking divorce
you lying cheating sack of shit!
- You're outta your Goddamned mind.
- You and Shane are
perfect for each other.
I'm gonna make it happen.
- He's breaking my fucking instrument,
you fucking nimp!
- What the fuck is the matter with you?
- [Girl] What about the concert?
- [Man] There isn't gonna be a concert,
the instruments are destroyed!
- [Cop] Pretty good aim.
(static buzz)
(piano music)
♪ Every day they take a bite of you ♪
♪ And oh, it hurts ♪
♪ To come back home ♪
♪ Every time they rip the flesh from you ♪
♪ I feel you squirm ♪
♪ But I want you if follow suit ♪
♪ Every time they rip the flesh from you ♪
♪ I feel you squirm ♪
♪ But I want you, you follow suit ♪
(static buzz)
(static techno music)
(crickets chirping)
(pop music)
♪ My life will circle round ♪
- I'm back, had to take a shit.
- Hannah, I'm trying to eat,
you try'na make me sick?
(loud farting)
- Uh!
(laughing)
- What do you mean?
- Hannah, you need major
help, you know that?
- Okay, let's get serious.
Molly, I've given it a lot of thought,
and it's time you get laid.
- This again?
- I'm serious, you're getting
laid before graduation.
No best friend of mine
is gonna graduate high
school a virgin, understand?
- I told you I'd love to, I'm just picky.
- Picky, my ass, you're not
picky, you're just scared.
You've got it built up
over all these years
to this big mysterious
thing, just fuck someone,
get it over with, doesn't matter with who!
- Spoken like a true romantic.
Anyways, it's not gonna be
Shane Dibello, that much I know.
(door knocking)
(Dad talking through door)
- I'm on the phone, go away!
- [Dad] I know, I need to talk to you now.
- The ogre has returned.
- Give your daddy a big kiss from me!
- Oh, now who's the sick one?
See ya men-yana.
- Peace.
(air kiss)
- [Dad] Decent?
- In body, mind and spirit.
- Hannah, these charges have to stop.
You seen this credit card bill?
- What?
You don't want Dan the
weatherman's daughter
to go walking around like
a street urchin, do you?
I'm just trying to uphold your image.
- Don't be a smart-alec.
Just because I'm on TV,
it doesn't make us rich.
You swore to me you'd be more responsible
about your spending.
Instead, you've just continued
to abuse the privilege.
I mean, look at this,
Prada, Gucci, Valentino's.
Who do you think you are?
Paris Hilton?
Kiki's Spa, $140 for cosmetic bleaching.
$140!
You're 17, what the hell
do you have that needs
to be bleached?
- That's none of your beeswax, Dad.
Besides, I bet your tanning
bed bills are twice as high.
- Give me the card.
The credit limit is zero, gimme the card.
- What?
You can't do that.
- You give me the card
or next I take the phone.
- I hate you!
- We know it.
(techno music)
- No no, you're fine, go
ahead, thank you, bye.
(girls chattering)
- Excuse me, handsome, do you
know where the restroom is?
- Uh yeah, it's right
over the fast food, oh!
Okay, no touching.
(giggling)
Past the food court, over to the--
- Where are you from?
- Where am I?
- Yeah, I love his accent.
- Oh, ha-ha, I'm from, uh, Newport Beach.
- No, where are you really from?
- Oh, I'm from Sri Lanka, it's--
- [Girls] Sri Lanka.
- Yes, so.
- Sounds mysterious and exotic stuff.
- Oh.
(laughing)
- He's blushing.
- Hey, look it, look at Vinnay!
He's hitting on some chicks.
(laughing)
- You're so cute.
- I like your walkie-talkie.
- Oh, you know, it's
business, don't touch,
it's for business.
- Oh okay, I'm sorry.
- Oh, it's okay, it's okay.
(laughing)
- You don't touch it, aw.
- All right, okay.
- [Guard] It's fun to let them but-if.
(laughing)
- Which way did you say it was?
- Up past the food court,
okay, no touching, thank you.
(laughing)
- Sorry, it's over there past
the food court, over there.
Right over there.
- All right, thank you baby, ciao bella.
- Ciao, ciao bella.
(laughing)
- Nothin' but them bud-eh.
- Uh, no hitting on the customers, Vinnay.
What's up, Larry, over.
- What?
(electronic whirring)
No no no.
They were flirting with me, man.
It's not my fault.
(security guards laughing)
(radio chatter)
Are you f-ing with me?
(laughing)
Okay, all right.
How 'bout I protrude,
protrude my middle finger at you.
How 'bout that, huh?
That girl wanted to fuck me, man.
(whooshing music)
(hammer string music)
(dogs barking)
- Hey Fig, come on Newton,
let's go outside, kiddos.
Come on, outside!
Outside, come on, come on.
Out, good boy.
- Nice place.
- Thanks, come on in.
- Is there, nobody else is home?
- Nope.
The kids are at school and
Leonard works late every night.
- Every night?
- Every night.
(sniffing)
Ah.
Wah, hurts.
(sniffing)
Gonna have a party!
Woo!
That'll curl your nose hairs.
- Just hope it doesn't curl my penis.
(laughing)
- Yeah!
Oh yeah, fuck yeah!
(man grunting)
Dog farted (laughing).
- That was me.
(sniffing)
(skin slapping)
- Ah!
Yeah baby, come to mama!
Oh yeah!
- Baby, listen, you think
I could borrow a little bit
of money, til next Thursday?
- Fucking Leonard has me
on a fucking allowance now,
can you fucking believe that?
I'm his wife!
He's got this new assistant, this,
handling his finances, I
think he's fucking her.
I mean, he must be fucking
her, because for some reason,
she's got the passwords
to all the bank accounts,
but I don't anymore.
I mean, I am his wife for fuck's sakes.
I'm gonna take him for
everything he's got.
Fuck half!
I'm gonna take him for
every fucking penny he has,
and then he will learn a
lesson that he cannot dangle
some piddly little-ass
allowance in front of my nose
and expect him to be his little
Japanese grateful bee-at-ch.
And then, it'll just be
you and me, right baby?
Heh?
- So, you think I can borrow the money?
- Sure sweetness, how much?
- A couple hundred.
- That is so cute.
Yeah.
- Thanks, mama.
Thank you very much.
(phone ringing)
Fuck.
Fuck, gimme that.
Fucking Leonard, keep goin'.
Hey, honey!
- Stella, I just got a
call from the school.
Where are you, the kids
are waiting outside.
- Where has the time gone, I
dunno where my head's been.
- You know what, Stella?
This has gotta stop, okay?
You know how many times this has happened?
They're gonna kick those
kids outta that place.
- Not with what we pay, they won't!
- Yes they will.
Where are you?
- I'm getting my eyebrows done,
why can't you ever get off
your lazy ass and go pick 'em up for once.
- Lazy?
You listen to me, I work my
ass off so you can afford
to lunch and tan and get
your Goddamned eyebrows
and your tits done.
I was in the middle of a
very very important meeting,
which I should not have been
yanked out of for this shit.
You go pick them up, now!
- Yes, master, whatever you say, master.
I'll just be your little
dutiful fucking Stepford wife!
Keep goin'.
Ah yeah.
(patrons chattering)
- Sorry Dan, no can do.
- Look Andy, with all due
respect, I just don't understand.
Chuck Henry was a weatherman,
even David Letterman
started as a weatherman.
I've been at the station for 25 years.
Ed told me I could anchor.
- Well, I'm not Ed.
Besides, you're Dan the weatherman,
not Dan the news reporter.
- Yeah, but I could be Dan the anchorman.
I paid my dues.
All right, Dan.
I'm gonna be straight with you.
When I first took over from
Ed a couple months ago,
one of the things it was suggested I do
to hip up the news at this
station was replace you
with a hot weather slut,
like all the other channels have done.
You know, some big-titted,
blonde meteorologist,
looks like a porn star?
But I said, no fucking way.
Dan the weatherman doesn't
just report the weather,
he's a brand, it's part of
the identity of this channel.
I said, I'll hip up the news all you want,
I'll put on a laser show
during the stock report.
Let's not throw out the
baby with the bath water.
You're that baby, Dan, hmm?
I mean that.
- I appreciate you goin'
to bat for me, I just.
- Yeah, but let's call a spade a spade.
You didn't do yourself any
favors when you got shot
with those paint-balls.
(popping gun)
- Jesus Christ!
- It's a golden opportunity to prove
you can be a fast-thinking,
fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants,
live television news reporter,
but instead, you choked.
Go to black?
Who the hell yells go to black
when live news is unfolding?
- Look, I didn't expect to
get shot by the paint-balls,
so I wasn't ready.
- You weren't ready?
Abraham Zapruder wasn't ready when Kennedy
got his fucking head
blown off, but guess what?
He kept rolling, and he was
in the news for 25 years.
Ah, hey Ben?
- Zak, actually.
Yeah, what can I do for you?
Everything all right?
- Ah, no everything is not all right,
you smug son-of-a-bitch,
I asked for tartar sauce,
not cocktail sauce, tar-tar.
So, you know, you're either
deaf, or a defiant asshole.
- I'm terribly sorry sir, I'll
get you your tartar sauce,
right away.
- Yeah, you will.
Yeah, you will.
Goddamn it, every time I come in here,
that piece of shit
fucks something else up.
Fuck.
(kitchen chatter)
Oh and uh, we are gonna need
to punch up your look a little bit.
Make you more well into a younger demo.
- My look, what do you mean, my clothes?
- Yeah, your clothes,
your hair, your attitude.
You know, whole makeover.
- Hmm.
- Less game show host, you know,
this Regis Philbin thing ain't cuttin' it.
I dunno, maybe tattoo,
an earring or something.
- Sorry, a tattoo?
I'm a single dad in his
50s, you're kidding right?
- No.
- Your tartar sauce, sir, enjoy.
(crow cawing)
(horn honking)
- Finally.
- Ah look, see?
- Finally.
- [Stella] Come on guys, get in.
- Why are you always so late, just why?
- Come on, hop in guys.
Seat belts.
- [Stella] Hi, sweet pea.
- Here you go.
Um, Mrs. Gerber, we really need to.
(screeching tires)
- Next time, you should just
leave them here by themselves.
- You know what?
It's not their fault that they
have an obnoxious narcissist
for a mother.
- Okay, let's go.
(light techno music)
- So, are you gonna come with me?
- Yeah, I'll come with you.
- What do you think?
- Oh my God, those girls
are about to try on bikinis!
Hey, those girls are
about to try on bikinis.
Let me call the other assholes in.
(whistling)
- Ah.
(security guards jeering)
- Oh hell!
Heck look, Vinnay.
(radio chatter)
- They're about to show some titties, man!
- I'm on my way, I'm on my way.
- I love my job.
- Look at that.
- Wanting to see those tits, mm-mm.
Oh my God, I gotta take a hit.
(whistling)
- Sweet juicy, man.
- Oh my Lord!.
- All right, just leave it alone.
- Them is triple-dees.
- Oh my God.
(Indian style music)
- Maybe the blue one's better though.
(security guards jeering)
- What, what what what?
- Vinnay, look at them,
they're trying on bikinis, man.
- Oh shit, oh shit.
Oh, they're gonna get naked beautiful.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, kay.
(trumpet music)
- Look at that, Vinnay, you don't see that
in your country, man.
(guards jeering)
- I'm getting erection boners.
- Ew, get away!
- That'll look good.
- Yeah?
- Were they really stiff at first?
- No, they haven't leaked, it's not bad.
They shake.
- Mine shake a little bit too.
- Oh, those are so beautiful.
- It' jiggles.
- Big titties.
- Yeah, I don't like it.
Try on the bottoms and
see if they even fit.
- Oh!
(guards jeering)
- Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it!
(guards screaming)
- No!
- Oh!
- Oh my God!
- Oh oh.
- Oh, that was a penis!
- Oh God.
- Oh my eyes.
- That was disturbing.
- This is a crazy mall.
Stupid neighborhood.
- What is wrong with these people, man.
- Stupid neighborhood.
- Don't they know there's security cameras
in the dressing room?
- I got to tuck my ball-sack in.
(siren blaring)
(rock music)
- [Hannah] Finally, let's go.
'Bout time.
- [Man] Get in the car.
- [Shane] Your chariot awaits.
- [Hannah] Shane, you remember
the lovely and talented,
Molly Huffman.
- [Shane] Always a pleasure.
- [Girl] Where are we going?
- [Shane] You guys, we're
going to this fucking concert,
so awesome, I saw 'em on--
- [Hannah] Get the fuck in the car.
- [Shane] Yeah, I saw them on Myspace,
they're fucking awesome.
- Who are they?
- [Shane] It's Willy
super motherfuckin' star,
you guys heard of him?
- [Hannah] Super motherfucking star?
- [Shane] Don't hate, let's go.
- [Hannah] Willy, Willy, Willy.
- [Shane] You guys, we're gonna be late.
(tires screeching)
- You drive like a maniac.
- Where is this gonna be at?
- [Shane] It's at this convenience store.
- [Girls] What?
- We're going to a concert
in a convenience store?
(techno music)
(texting blips)
(Molly laughing)
- [Molly] Ooh, it looks crowded.
- [Girl] It's so crowded.
- [Shane] Let's do it, y'all.
- [Molly] Close the door, close the door.
- Gimme that fucking camera.
- What up, man, what up?
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Heh-heh-heh.
You said we were gonna
arrive fashionably late.
Looks like we're early, bitch.
- [Shane] Dude, I'm filming you.
- I'm filming you.
(murmuring)
- What, do we keep waiting?
- Hold on a second.
Excuse me, thanks for coming.
Excuse me.
Willy, Willy, Willy, the
crowd's getting impatient.
A couple of 'em left
already and they're starting
to take things off the shelves.
- Any record execs here, any media?
- Uh, no not yet.
- Fuck it, let's do it.
- Okay.
- Ladies and gentlemen.
(crowd cheering)
You read about him in the newspaper.
- [Man] Yes we did!
- You saw him on your
local news TV pro-grum.
The zero who became a hero.
Give it up for Willie
Ame's Superfucking Star!
(crowd cheering)
- [Willy] Hey, hey.
- [Crowd] Willy, Willy, Willy, Willy!
(electric guitar music)
♪ Hey baby don't you know that
there's something better ♪
♪ Won't be long on the
tit-ee floor forever ♪
♪ Life is tough, baby, let's get up ♪
♪ Think it's half empty
in your paper cup ♪
♪ But hey baby, don't you know ♪
♪ That it's gonna get better ♪
♪ Hey baby don't you know
that we're going to heaven ♪
♪ But through them glass,
it'll never beam up seven ♪
♪ That's okay 'cause it's just a game ♪
♪ That we're playing in a party ♪
♪ and we're playing with a game ♪
♪ But hey baby don't you know
that we're going to heaven ♪
♪ Change, comes so fast it
makes you feel so strange ♪
♪ Feel like a target in a
ghost town shootin' range ♪
♪ But it's just another wild crazy stage ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ The darkness goes away ♪
♪ I'm so happy to say ♪
♪ I made it through the
sorrow and the pain ♪
♪ And now I got a song,
I sing it all day long ♪
♪ And if you never hear it, that's okay ♪
♪ It's for a reason ♪
♪ Change, it comes so fast it
makes you feel so strange ♪
♪ You feel like a target in
a ghost town shootin' range ♪
♪ But it's just another
wild, crazy stage ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
(crowd cheering)
(accordion chords)
- [Narrator] Previously on Look.
- We got two hot ones!
- Oh!
- Woop!
- Psyche!
- You're Dan the weatherman?
- Yee-Haw!
- God, I watch you every night!
- (sniffing) Ah!
I am going to file for fucking divorce
you lying cheating sack of shit!
- You're outta your Goddamned mind.
- You and Shane are
perfect for each other.
I'm gonna make it happen.
- He's breaking my fucking instrument,
you fucking nimp!
- What the fuck is the matter with you?
- [Girl] What about the concert?
- [Man] There isn't gonna be a concert,
the instruments are destroyed!
- [Cop] Pretty good aim.
(static buzz)
(piano music)
♪ Every day they take a bite of you ♪
♪ And oh, it hurts ♪
♪ To come back home ♪
♪ Every time they rip the flesh from you ♪
♪ I feel you squirm ♪
♪ But I want you if follow suit ♪
♪ Every time they rip the flesh from you ♪
♪ I feel you squirm ♪
♪ But I want you, you follow suit ♪
(static buzz)
(static techno music)
(crickets chirping)
(pop music)
♪ My life will circle round ♪
- I'm back, had to take a shit.
- Hannah, I'm trying to eat,
you try'na make me sick?
(loud farting)
- Uh!
(laughing)
- What do you mean?
- Hannah, you need major
help, you know that?
- Okay, let's get serious.
Molly, I've given it a lot of thought,
and it's time you get laid.
- This again?
- I'm serious, you're getting
laid before graduation.
No best friend of mine
is gonna graduate high
school a virgin, understand?
- I told you I'd love to, I'm just picky.
- Picky, my ass, you're not
picky, you're just scared.
You've got it built up
over all these years
to this big mysterious
thing, just fuck someone,
get it over with, doesn't matter with who!
- Spoken like a true romantic.
Anyways, it's not gonna be
Shane Dibello, that much I know.
(door knocking)
(Dad talking through door)
- I'm on the phone, go away!
- [Dad] I know, I need to talk to you now.
- The ogre has returned.
- Give your daddy a big kiss from me!
- Oh, now who's the sick one?
See ya men-yana.
- Peace.
(air kiss)
- [Dad] Decent?
- In body, mind and spirit.
- Hannah, these charges have to stop.
You seen this credit card bill?
- What?
You don't want Dan the
weatherman's daughter
to go walking around like
a street urchin, do you?
I'm just trying to uphold your image.
- Don't be a smart-alec.
Just because I'm on TV,
it doesn't make us rich.
You swore to me you'd be more responsible
about your spending.
Instead, you've just continued
to abuse the privilege.
I mean, look at this,
Prada, Gucci, Valentino's.
Who do you think you are?
Paris Hilton?
Kiki's Spa, $140 for cosmetic bleaching.
$140!
You're 17, what the hell
do you have that needs
to be bleached?
- That's none of your beeswax, Dad.
Besides, I bet your tanning
bed bills are twice as high.
- Give me the card.
The credit limit is zero, gimme the card.
- What?
You can't do that.
- You give me the card
or next I take the phone.
- I hate you!
- We know it.
(techno music)
- No no, you're fine, go
ahead, thank you, bye.
(girls chattering)
- Excuse me, handsome, do you
know where the restroom is?
- Uh yeah, it's right
over the fast food, oh!
Okay, no touching.
(giggling)
Past the food court, over to the--
- Where are you from?
- Where am I?
- Yeah, I love his accent.
- Oh, ha-ha, I'm from, uh, Newport Beach.
- No, where are you really from?
- Oh, I'm from Sri Lanka, it's--
- [Girls] Sri Lanka.
- Yes, so.
- Sounds mysterious and exotic stuff.
- Oh.
(laughing)
- He's blushing.
- Hey, look it, look at Vinnay!
He's hitting on some chicks.
(laughing)
- You're so cute.
- I like your walkie-talkie.
- Oh, you know, it's
business, don't touch,
it's for business.
- Oh okay, I'm sorry.
- Oh, it's okay, it's okay.
(laughing)
- You don't touch it, aw.
- All right, okay.
- [Guard] It's fun to let them but-if.
(laughing)
- Which way did you say it was?
- Up past the food court,
okay, no touching, thank you.
(laughing)
- Sorry, it's over there past
the food court, over there.
Right over there.
- All right, thank you baby, ciao bella.
- Ciao, ciao bella.
(laughing)
- Nothin' but them bud-eh.
- Uh, no hitting on the customers, Vinnay.
What's up, Larry, over.
- What?
(electronic whirring)
No no no.
They were flirting with me, man.
It's not my fault.
(security guards laughing)
(radio chatter)
Are you f-ing with me?
(laughing)
Okay, all right.
How 'bout I protrude,
protrude my middle finger at you.
How 'bout that, huh?
That girl wanted to fuck me, man.
(whooshing music)
(hammer string music)
(dogs barking)
- Hey Fig, come on Newton,
let's go outside, kiddos.
Come on, outside!
Outside, come on, come on.
Out, good boy.
- Nice place.
- Thanks, come on in.
- Is there, nobody else is home?
- Nope.
The kids are at school and
Leonard works late every night.
- Every night?
- Every night.
(sniffing)
Ah.
Wah, hurts.
(sniffing)
Gonna have a party!
Woo!
That'll curl your nose hairs.
- Just hope it doesn't curl my penis.
(laughing)
- Yeah!
Oh yeah, fuck yeah!
(man grunting)
Dog farted (laughing).
- That was me.
(sniffing)
(skin slapping)
- Ah!
Yeah baby, come to mama!
Oh yeah!
- Baby, listen, you think
I could borrow a little bit
of money, til next Thursday?
- Fucking Leonard has me
on a fucking allowance now,
can you fucking believe that?
I'm his wife!
He's got this new assistant, this,
handling his finances, I
think he's fucking her.
I mean, he must be fucking
her, because for some reason,
she's got the passwords
to all the bank accounts,
but I don't anymore.
I mean, I am his wife for fuck's sakes.
I'm gonna take him for
everything he's got.
Fuck half!
I'm gonna take him for
every fucking penny he has,
and then he will learn a
lesson that he cannot dangle
some piddly little-ass
allowance in front of my nose
and expect him to be his little
Japanese grateful bee-at-ch.
And then, it'll just be
you and me, right baby?
Heh?
- So, you think I can borrow the money?
- Sure sweetness, how much?
- A couple hundred.
- That is so cute.
Yeah.
- Thanks, mama.
Thank you very much.
(phone ringing)
Fuck.
Fuck, gimme that.
Fucking Leonard, keep goin'.
Hey, honey!
- Stella, I just got a
call from the school.
Where are you, the kids
are waiting outside.
- Where has the time gone, I
dunno where my head's been.
- You know what, Stella?
This has gotta stop, okay?
You know how many times this has happened?
They're gonna kick those
kids outta that place.
- Not with what we pay, they won't!
- Yes they will.
Where are you?
- I'm getting my eyebrows done,
why can't you ever get off
your lazy ass and go pick 'em up for once.
- Lazy?
You listen to me, I work my
ass off so you can afford
to lunch and tan and get
your Goddamned eyebrows
and your tits done.
I was in the middle of a
very very important meeting,
which I should not have been
yanked out of for this shit.
You go pick them up, now!
- Yes, master, whatever you say, master.
I'll just be your little
dutiful fucking Stepford wife!
Keep goin'.
Ah yeah.
(patrons chattering)
- Sorry Dan, no can do.
- Look Andy, with all due
respect, I just don't understand.
Chuck Henry was a weatherman,
even David Letterman
started as a weatherman.
I've been at the station for 25 years.
Ed told me I could anchor.
- Well, I'm not Ed.
Besides, you're Dan the weatherman,
not Dan the news reporter.
- Yeah, but I could be Dan the anchorman.
I paid my dues.
All right, Dan.
I'm gonna be straight with you.
When I first took over from
Ed a couple months ago,
one of the things it was suggested I do
to hip up the news at this
station was replace you
with a hot weather slut,
like all the other channels have done.
You know, some big-titted,
blonde meteorologist,
looks like a porn star?
But I said, no fucking way.
Dan the weatherman doesn't
just report the weather,
he's a brand, it's part of
the identity of this channel.
I said, I'll hip up the news all you want,
I'll put on a laser show
during the stock report.
Let's not throw out the
baby with the bath water.
You're that baby, Dan, hmm?
I mean that.
- I appreciate you goin'
to bat for me, I just.
- Yeah, but let's call a spade a spade.
You didn't do yourself any
favors when you got shot
with those paint-balls.
(popping gun)
- Jesus Christ!
- It's a golden opportunity to prove
you can be a fast-thinking,
fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants,
live television news reporter,
but instead, you choked.
Go to black?
Who the hell yells go to black
when live news is unfolding?
- Look, I didn't expect to
get shot by the paint-balls,
so I wasn't ready.
- You weren't ready?
Abraham Zapruder wasn't ready when Kennedy
got his fucking head
blown off, but guess what?
He kept rolling, and he was
in the news for 25 years.
Ah, hey Ben?
- Zak, actually.
Yeah, what can I do for you?
Everything all right?
- Ah, no everything is not all right,
you smug son-of-a-bitch,
I asked for tartar sauce,
not cocktail sauce, tar-tar.
So, you know, you're either
deaf, or a defiant asshole.
- I'm terribly sorry sir, I'll
get you your tartar sauce,
right away.
- Yeah, you will.
Yeah, you will.
Goddamn it, every time I come in here,
that piece of shit
fucks something else up.
Fuck.
(kitchen chatter)
Oh and uh, we are gonna need
to punch up your look a little bit.
Make you more well into a younger demo.
- My look, what do you mean, my clothes?
- Yeah, your clothes,
your hair, your attitude.
You know, whole makeover.
- Hmm.
- Less game show host, you know,
this Regis Philbin thing ain't cuttin' it.
I dunno, maybe tattoo,
an earring or something.
- Sorry, a tattoo?
I'm a single dad in his
50s, you're kidding right?
- No.
- Your tartar sauce, sir, enjoy.
(crow cawing)
(horn honking)
- Finally.
- Ah look, see?
- Finally.
- [Stella] Come on guys, get in.
- Why are you always so late, just why?
- Come on, hop in guys.
Seat belts.
- [Stella] Hi, sweet pea.
- Here you go.
Um, Mrs. Gerber, we really need to.
(screeching tires)
- Next time, you should just
leave them here by themselves.
- You know what?
It's not their fault that they
have an obnoxious narcissist
for a mother.
- Okay, let's go.
(light techno music)
- So, are you gonna come with me?
- Yeah, I'll come with you.
- What do you think?
- Oh my God, those girls
are about to try on bikinis!
Hey, those girls are
about to try on bikinis.
Let me call the other assholes in.
(whistling)
- Ah.
(security guards jeering)
- Oh hell!
Heck look, Vinnay.
(radio chatter)
- They're about to show some titties, man!
- I'm on my way, I'm on my way.
- I love my job.
- Look at that.
- Wanting to see those tits, mm-mm.
Oh my God, I gotta take a hit.
(whistling)
- Sweet juicy, man.
- Oh my Lord!.
- All right, just leave it alone.
- Them is triple-dees.
- Oh my God.
(Indian style music)
- Maybe the blue one's better though.
(security guards jeering)
- What, what what what?
- Vinnay, look at them,
they're trying on bikinis, man.
- Oh shit, oh shit.
Oh, they're gonna get naked beautiful.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, kay.
(trumpet music)
- Look at that, Vinnay, you don't see that
in your country, man.
(guards jeering)
- I'm getting erection boners.
- Ew, get away!
- That'll look good.
- Yeah?
- Were they really stiff at first?
- No, they haven't leaked, it's not bad.
They shake.
- Mine shake a little bit too.
- Oh, those are so beautiful.
- It' jiggles.
- Big titties.
- Yeah, I don't like it.
Try on the bottoms and
see if they even fit.
- Oh!
(guards jeering)
- Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it!
(guards screaming)
- No!
- Oh!
- Oh my God!
- Oh oh.
- Oh, that was a penis!
- Oh God.
- Oh my eyes.
- That was disturbing.
- This is a crazy mall.
Stupid neighborhood.
- What is wrong with these people, man.
- Stupid neighborhood.
- Don't they know there's security cameras
in the dressing room?
- I got to tuck my ball-sack in.
(siren blaring)
(rock music)
- [Hannah] Finally, let's go.
'Bout time.
- [Man] Get in the car.
- [Shane] Your chariot awaits.
- [Hannah] Shane, you remember
the lovely and talented,
Molly Huffman.
- [Shane] Always a pleasure.
- [Girl] Where are we going?
- [Shane] You guys, we're
going to this fucking concert,
so awesome, I saw 'em on--
- [Hannah] Get the fuck in the car.
- [Shane] Yeah, I saw them on Myspace,
they're fucking awesome.
- Who are they?
- [Shane] It's Willy
super motherfuckin' star,
you guys heard of him?
- [Hannah] Super motherfucking star?
- [Shane] Don't hate, let's go.
- [Hannah] Willy, Willy, Willy.
- [Shane] You guys, we're gonna be late.
(tires screeching)
- You drive like a maniac.
- Where is this gonna be at?
- [Shane] It's at this convenience store.
- [Girls] What?
- We're going to a concert
in a convenience store?
(techno music)
(texting blips)
(Molly laughing)
- [Molly] Ooh, it looks crowded.
- [Girl] It's so crowded.
- [Shane] Let's do it, y'all.
- [Molly] Close the door, close the door.
- Gimme that fucking camera.
- What up, man, what up?
- Hello, hello, hello.
- Heh-heh-heh.
You said we were gonna
arrive fashionably late.
Looks like we're early, bitch.
- [Shane] Dude, I'm filming you.
- I'm filming you.
(murmuring)
- What, do we keep waiting?
- Hold on a second.
Excuse me, thanks for coming.
Excuse me.
Willy, Willy, Willy, the
crowd's getting impatient.
A couple of 'em left
already and they're starting
to take things off the shelves.
- Any record execs here, any media?
- Uh, no not yet.
- Fuck it, let's do it.
- Okay.
- Ladies and gentlemen.
(crowd cheering)
You read about him in the newspaper.
- [Man] Yes we did!
- You saw him on your
local news TV pro-grum.
The zero who became a hero.
Give it up for Willie
Ame's Superfucking Star!
(crowd cheering)
- [Willy] Hey, hey.
- [Crowd] Willy, Willy, Willy, Willy!
(electric guitar music)
♪ Hey baby don't you know that
there's something better ♪
♪ Won't be long on the
tit-ee floor forever ♪
♪ Life is tough, baby, let's get up ♪
♪ Think it's half empty
in your paper cup ♪
♪ But hey baby, don't you know ♪
♪ That it's gonna get better ♪
♪ Hey baby don't you know
that we're going to heaven ♪
♪ But through them glass,
it'll never beam up seven ♪
♪ That's okay 'cause it's just a game ♪
♪ That we're playing in a party ♪
♪ and we're playing with a game ♪
♪ But hey baby don't you know
that we're going to heaven ♪
♪ Change, comes so fast it
makes you feel so strange ♪
♪ Feel like a target in a
ghost town shootin' range ♪
♪ But it's just another wild crazy stage ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ The darkness goes away ♪
♪ I'm so happy to say ♪
♪ I made it through the
sorrow and the pain ♪
♪ And now I got a song,
I sing it all day long ♪
♪ And if you never hear it, that's okay ♪
♪ It's for a reason ♪
♪ Change, it comes so fast it
makes you feel so strange ♪
♪ You feel like a target in
a ghost town shootin' range ♪
♪ But it's just another
wild, crazy stage ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ That's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
♪ For everything we're
going through in this life ♪
♪ The sweet Lord's got a reason ♪
(crowd cheering)
(accordion chords)