Look (2010): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
(static)
- [Narrator] Previously on Look.
- When I married Leonard,
I married him because I
thought he was stable.
- Hey, I really love that song.
Did you write that?
- I write all my own songs.
- We'll hold the rock
and roll show right here.
- You should be with Shane Develow.
- I don't want your sloppy seconds.
- I'll give you $100 for a quick suck.
- No more free handouts.
No!
(gun shots)
- Jesus Christ, I've been shot!
Paint balls!
- Do you wanna get killed?
- No, no, no!
- Do you wanna get killed?
(static)
(eerie music)
(groaning)
- What are we gonna do after this?
- I don't know, food maybe?
- Yeah, I'm starving.
Do you like this?
- Oh God damn, look at those girls!
Look at those girls!
- What?
Fuck this magazine.
- Henry, Vinnie, get your
stupid asses in here right now,
we got two hot ones walking.
Right there!
Oh, look at them bitches.
(yelling in excitement)
- God look at those titties.
- Oh my God.
- And I thought black guys
were supposed to have big dicks too.
- Shut up, it was small?
- The myth is not true.
It's like the size of a
bite size Snickers bar.
- Oh my God, the poor guy.
(laughing)
- Yeah, worst night of my life.
Are you fucking kidding me?
How am I supposed to deal with that shit,
I'm like are you inside me yet?
(laughing)
- Shit.
(laughing)
- Big titties man.
(cheering)
- What are you doing?
(laughing)
let's go.
- Oh, these are on sale.
- This is fucking amazing.
- Shut up!
Let's go that way.
I want that one for sure.
(laughing)
- He's eating your butt hole,
he's eating your butt hole.
- This is the best thing ever.
(camera shuttering)
- I don't know, I actually
think he's kinda hot.
- Ew, you did not just say that.
- What, he is.
- He's my dad, all right?
- Dad's can be hot.
Brad Pitt is a dad, Johnny Depp is a dad.
- Well, not my dad.
He's a nonsexual create, he's
like a freaking Ken doll.
He's just smooth down there.
(laughs)
(eerie music)
- I have a very important appointment,
I can't cancel it Leonard okay?
I have a life too ya know?
The minutia of my life
is killing me Leonard,
you're killing me.
I am bored out of my ...
Look, fine I'll pick him up!
Love you too.
- Excuse me?
I hate to bother you,
but you're Dan the weatherman, aren't you?
- Guilty as charged.
- Oh my God, I watch you every night!
Honey, honey hurry come here.
Oh my God!
You just got to meet my
husband, he loves you.
We love you, I mean you're just so funny.
- Dan, how are you?
- Remember the time
you wore the green suit
on St. Patrick's Day and you looked
just like a floating head?
- Rain rain go away, don't
ya know it's St. Patty's Day.
Looks like the south land is in
for some more of the
wet stuff this holiday,
and I'm not talkin' about
the green beer folks.
Hey, where did I go?
My producer didn't think it
was all that funny though.
- Oh well we thought it was hysterical.
And hey, are you okay?
Because I mean we watched you get shot
with those paint balls.
- Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine, I'm fine.
I thought it was actually
a very creative criminal.
He turned me into a walking
Jackson Pollock painting.
(laughing)
- He's just the funniest guy ever.
- I actually thought
about selling the suit
to the Museum of Modern Art.
(laughing)
- Listen, would you mind
just taking one picture with us, please?
- For cryin' out loud I
thought you'd never ask.
(laughing)
- Would you please?
Hurry up.
- All right, everybody say partly cloudy.
(laughing)
One more for safety, all
right everybody say breezy.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you, nice to meet you both.
All the best, thank you, thank you.
Keep watching, all right?
(calm music)
(children playing)
- She should be here any minute.
- No way another 45-minutes or
maybe even 50, I don't know.
Maybe an hour, I don't know.
I just can't wait to
get home and watch TV,
and stuff like that.
- Oh, you have to get those shoes.
Did you see that chick,
she is so fucking weird.
Are you kidding me?
- So fat.
- Some people need to stop fucking eating.
- Okay, what should we eat?
Pizza, Chinese, oh
Weinerschnitzel, chili dogs?
- Oh wait, we can't.
Shane's here with his posse.
- So what?
- Molly, never let a
guy you're attracted to
see you eating chili.
Chili is synonymous with farts.
Do you want a hot guy to
associate you with farting?
- I think that's a bit
of a stretch, Hannah.
- It's subliminal.
Let's get Cinnabuns.
Then they'll associate with
sweet, yummy, deliciousness.
- Whatever.
- Yay.
- That has lots of nuts on it,
you'd like that one because you love nuts.
- I think you're the one who likes nuts.
- Big titties man.
(cheering)
- Hi, how are you?
- What's up?
- What are you doing?
You're just gonna sit
there and not hug me, jerk.
- Such a bitch.
- Ya big jerk.
I called you a bitch too.
Hi!
Not a big deal.
- I got a nice new hot
Cinnabun by the way.
It's hot.
- What's up bitches?
What ya doing shopping,
getting your nails did, what?
Oh hey, I'm gonna have a bite.
(honking)
- Finally!
- Yeah, stand back, stand back.
Let her, okay.
Why are you late again?
- Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
What, no hug Mr. Pouty Pants?
Whatever, hi baby.
Help Orphie get strapped in.
Thanks for waiting with them.
- Mrs. Gerber, I've been waiting with them
out here for an hour.
Last time it was 45-minutes.
- Get in, come on!
- Every other parent has come and gone.
- Yeah, well you know
traffic was just a nightmare.
And let me tell ya something,
if their father wasn't such a workaholic,
maybe he could come
pick them up sometimes,
but I'm not gonna bore
you with those details.
All right, thanks hun.
- Can we just please talk?
Jesus!
- Move aside, please.
(tires squealing)
- Bye, nice seeing you.
- Good seeing you.
- Bye bitch.
- Okay, see you bitch.
- Bye, guys.
- Jesus, oh God.
- You guys that Hannah is fucking smoking.
Stay clear though, she gave
Wilmer's older brother herpes.
(laughing)
- I think he likes you,
you got to go for it.
- He asked for a bite of your cinnabun,
he obviously still wants you.
I totally think you guys
would make an adorable couple.
- Will you shut up?
You and Shane are perfect for each other.
I'm gonna make it happen.
- Don't do any favors.
What do you mean make it happen?
- I'll just let some details slip
like that you think he's cute,
and you want his number, and you swallow.
(laughs)
- You better not!
- Let's go, I'm over it.
Push in your chair, loser.
- Oh excuse me, excuse me.
- What?
- I don't know if you see the signs,
but you know you have to
clean up after yourself.
- Bite me Kajabi.
(laughs)
- I'm not Kajabi, so I don't
know who you're talking to.
It's not me, because I'm not Kajabi.
Stupids, stupids.
Very stupid, stupid.
Hey keep it down!
- Oh don't you know my name
is Apu, clean up your shit.
- Don't you think you guys
should bus your own tables?
I'm from India.
(vomiting noises)
(calm music)
- Yee-haw, howdy pepper.
The LA County Fair is still going on,
but only two more days to go.
So, head on over to
the Pomona Fair Grounds
if you wanna see the world's largest cow.
And no, I'm not talking
about my ex-mother-in-law.
Hey-ho!
Of course with the world's largest cow,
comes the world's largest cow pies.
Them's good eating, I'm gonna
have my ala mode please.
Oh, get out of here.
Somebody take that.
(crashing)
Get that cat outta here!
That of course being a
reference to the classic
Steve Martin comedy,
The Man With Two Brains.
Remember that scene with the
cat in the operating room?
It was crazy!
Where were we?
Right, the weather report.
That's why they pay me the
big bucks, let's take a look
at our Acuweather
satellite photo shall we?
As you can see we have
a high pressure ridge
coming down from the northwest.
It's gonna mean clearing skies,
and beautiful temperatures.
70s out at the beaches, 80s in the valley,
mid 90s in the inland empire.
Head on out to that LA County Fair,
grab one of those funnel cakes,
they're really good for ya.
(phone ringing)
- Hi honey.
- When the fuck are you coming home?
- Oh, not for at least I don't
know two hours or so Stella.
I told ya I had to work late.
- You are such a cliche,
you are a walking cliche.
Working late at the office.
You know, maybe brain
dead bimbo housewives
fell for that excuse in
the Leave it to Beaver era,
but guess what we've come a long way baby.
- You're drunk you know that?
You should just go to bed.
- I am not drunk.
Is Courtney there with you?
- Oh, Stella, please stop it, okay?
No, Courtney's not here
with me, she left hours ago.
I'm here all alone, all by myself.
I'm trying to get these
briefs done by morning.
- Trying to get your briefs done,
or is Courtney trying to help
you get your briefs down?
- Oh, that's very funny Stella.
Very, very funny.
You know, the quicker
I can get back to work,
the quicker I can get home.
- All right, if you're alone,
then I want you to scream the word nigger
as loud as you can.
- Excuse me?
- The only way that I'm gonna
believe that you're alone
is if you scream the word
nigger at the top of your lungs.
Otherwise, I'm gonna
know you're full of shit.
- I am gonna do absolutely
nothing of the kind.
You're out of your God damn mind!
- Scream it Leonard!
- Absolutely not!
- Scream it!
- No, I'm gonna hang up right now, okay?
- Scream it or I swear to God
I'm gonna file for fucking divorce
first thing in the fucking morning,
you lying cheating sack of shit.
- Nigger!
There, you satisfied, huh?
23 years of pro bono work for the NAACP
down the fucking toilet
because of you and your fucking paranoia.
I am here alone, okay?
I'm here alone, all right.
Fuck you, fuck you all!
Fuck everybody, if there's
anybody else here fuck you too!
Nigger!
- Calm down Leonard, Jesus Christ.
I'll see ya in a couple hours.
Hey buddy.
- Fuck!
Fucking shit!
God!
♪ We gonna show you how
we like it in the club ♪
♪ Cash bill turn the
key to the west coast ♪
♪ It's down south to the
mother fucking west coast ♪
♪ Cash bills turn the
key to the west coast ♪
♪ Let's go nigga, let's go nigga ♪
♪ I got a private dance
from this girl in the club ♪
♪ Had me in a trance rocked
my world, body was tough ♪
♪ I paid my money ♪
♪ Climbed up on it so hard ♪
♪ hurt her leg when she grinds up on it ♪
♪ Other guys talk, I'll really suit ya ♪
♪ Show you thinks from the Kama Sutra ♪
♪ Body so tight nothing
wrong with the rear ♪
♪ Ass hole make the
whole thong disappear ♪
♪ Like it long when she
get close and drop steady ♪
♪ Chest jiggling because
she's so top heavy ♪
♪ I like them like that,
double D's to double H's ♪
♪ With no fakeness, my
God goodness gracious ♪
♪ I'm ecstatic how you
flip it with them tactics ♪
♪ Workin' magic with them
hit it from the back ♪
♪ Low and wide, take it slow and guide ♪
♪ Me to another place where
you can blow my mind ♪
- Oh for Christ sake.
- What?
- Nothing, nothing, keep going.
♪ If you wanna play streetball ♪
♪ It's off the hizzy,
like what you see babe ♪
♪ Give me more chicks ♪
♪ Yo get in there right ♪
♪ This isn't free ball,
you know how we ball ♪
♪ Pay top dollar if you
want to play street ball ♪
♪ It's off the hizzy,
like what you see babe ♪
♪ Give me more tips
you'll get into replay ♪
♪ Mother fucking cum
sucking bitches ain't shit ♪
♪ You better jump on the
chance you wanna roll ♪
- What happened, it's sad.
- It'll be fine, just stand
up and dance for a minute.
♪ If you're fucking you can roll ♪
♪ If not you can't grab ♪
♪ Big time, we shine these
ladies they love it ♪
(squeaking)
(heavy breathing)
- There's one, there's one.
- Perfect.
Hey wake up!
Get a job mother fucker, fuck you!
(gun shots)
(laughing)
Fucking bum!
(upbeat music)
- Uh-oh the barf man cometh.
- Not this mother fucker again man.
Get out!
Mother fucker, what I tell you man?
Out of here.
Carl, Carl, get him the fuck out of here.
- Why me?
- Because you're my assistant,
and you're gonna do
something I tell ya for once.
- What if he pukes again?
All right, get out of here!
- Go!
- Fuck it, fire me.
- Look man, I'm calling the cops this time
if you don't leave.
- Oh, he's pissing his pants.
This ain't a fucking toilet man,
it's a mini-mart, get
the fuck out of here!
Are you gonna fuck ...
Look, I'm gonna get you a
hot dog, one more hot dog.
You gotta go man.
Here, take this, the fuck?
Shit, shit!
Carl man, what the fuck man?
All right, okay, we need to get
get the fuck away from me!
Carl, man, he's like a fucking zombie
in the Night of the Living Dead!
The fuck!
Calling the fucking cops
man you fucking nut!
Get in here man!
Get those fucking things
closed man, what you doing?
Pull it, pull it, pull it!
This guy's crazy!
The owner's gonna fucking kill me man.
- What's going on?
- We're locked in here,
that crazy homeless guy pissed his pants
and tried to attack us.
Stay right there, don't
get involved in this.
You mother fucker, yes I'm in a mini mart
by the train station in Stratford.
I got a fucking wild bum in here,
he's going fucking ape shit,
he attacked me and my assistant.
Get somebody over here.
Oh my God, he's smashing fucking shit.
He's going fucking nuts.
What the fuck is he doing?
Oh my God, no!
He's smashing my fucking instrument.
He's smashing my fucking
instrument, you fucking nut!
You fucking nut!
Get somebody over here,
he just smashed my fucking $1,000 amp.
Oh my God, you mother fucker!
You fucking nut, oh my God!
He's throwing stuff.
He's getting fucking naked,
he's fucking going nuts.
Get somebody, oh my God.
- Cut it out man!
- He smashed all my fucking shit.
This is so fucked up man.
This is so fucked up.
You fucking cock sucker!
Don't touch that fucking thing man.
Oh my God!
(police sirens)
- Over here, over here!
- I got it, I got it.
What's going on here, ma'am?
- There's a guy and he
took off all his clothes,
and he's throwing things,
and he's breaking things, and he's crazy.
- What are these guys doing?
- They're locked in here
because he was throwing stuff.
- Hey!
- No fucking idea.
- How long's he been in there?
- Like five to ten minutes.
- All right, just stay here.
- He's fucking naked man.
(crashing)
- Hey how are ya tonight sir?
- What about the concert?
- There isn't gonna be a concert,
the instruments are destroyed.
- Well I've been sending
out hundreds of invites
on Facebook and Myspace, and--
- There's fucking record execs
comin', there's media comin'.
If I gotta rent new equipment by Friday,
that mother fucker is goin' down.
It's fucking happening.
- What the fuck is the matter with you?
Get down on the ground.
Go that way.
Go right there, go that way.
Wow, wow, hey, hey!
Get on the ground right now.
- Hey sir, we're gonna take you in.
- Sir, get down on the ground right now.
Go that way, wow!
All right, grab him, grab him.
Stop it, stop it!
Do it, give him one.
Sir one more time,
and you're gonna get pepper sprayed again.
Okay, all right, all right.
Come on, sir.
- Grab that.
- Yeah, yeah, you all right?
- Fuck man!
You fucking cock sucker.
- There we go.
- Oh my God!
What the fuck, man?
- Oh my God!
- It's all fucking destroyed.
- Is it insured?
- Oh my God, that mother
fucker broke it all man.
Jesus, Christ!
- Oh, shit!
- Oh my God!
- It was horrible, we could see his penis.
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Previously on Look.
- When I married Leonard,
I married him because I
thought he was stable.
- Hey, I really love that song.
Did you write that?
- I write all my own songs.
- We'll hold the rock
and roll show right here.
- You should be with Shane Develow.
- I don't want your sloppy seconds.
- I'll give you $100 for a quick suck.
- No more free handouts.
No!
(gun shots)
- Jesus Christ, I've been shot!
Paint balls!
- Do you wanna get killed?
- No, no, no!
- Do you wanna get killed?
(static)
(eerie music)
(groaning)
- What are we gonna do after this?
- I don't know, food maybe?
- Yeah, I'm starving.
Do you like this?
- Oh God damn, look at those girls!
Look at those girls!
- What?
Fuck this magazine.
- Henry, Vinnie, get your
stupid asses in here right now,
we got two hot ones walking.
Right there!
Oh, look at them bitches.
(yelling in excitement)
- God look at those titties.
- Oh my God.
- And I thought black guys
were supposed to have big dicks too.
- Shut up, it was small?
- The myth is not true.
It's like the size of a
bite size Snickers bar.
- Oh my God, the poor guy.
(laughing)
- Yeah, worst night of my life.
Are you fucking kidding me?
How am I supposed to deal with that shit,
I'm like are you inside me yet?
(laughing)
- Shit.
(laughing)
- Big titties man.
(cheering)
- What are you doing?
(laughing)
let's go.
- Oh, these are on sale.
- This is fucking amazing.
- Shut up!
Let's go that way.
I want that one for sure.
(laughing)
- He's eating your butt hole,
he's eating your butt hole.
- This is the best thing ever.
(camera shuttering)
- I don't know, I actually
think he's kinda hot.
- Ew, you did not just say that.
- What, he is.
- He's my dad, all right?
- Dad's can be hot.
Brad Pitt is a dad, Johnny Depp is a dad.
- Well, not my dad.
He's a nonsexual create, he's
like a freaking Ken doll.
He's just smooth down there.
(laughs)
(eerie music)
- I have a very important appointment,
I can't cancel it Leonard okay?
I have a life too ya know?
The minutia of my life
is killing me Leonard,
you're killing me.
I am bored out of my ...
Look, fine I'll pick him up!
Love you too.
- Excuse me?
I hate to bother you,
but you're Dan the weatherman, aren't you?
- Guilty as charged.
- Oh my God, I watch you every night!
Honey, honey hurry come here.
Oh my God!
You just got to meet my
husband, he loves you.
We love you, I mean you're just so funny.
- Dan, how are you?
- Remember the time
you wore the green suit
on St. Patrick's Day and you looked
just like a floating head?
- Rain rain go away, don't
ya know it's St. Patty's Day.
Looks like the south land is in
for some more of the
wet stuff this holiday,
and I'm not talkin' about
the green beer folks.
Hey, where did I go?
My producer didn't think it
was all that funny though.
- Oh well we thought it was hysterical.
And hey, are you okay?
Because I mean we watched you get shot
with those paint balls.
- Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine, I'm fine.
I thought it was actually
a very creative criminal.
He turned me into a walking
Jackson Pollock painting.
(laughing)
- He's just the funniest guy ever.
- I actually thought
about selling the suit
to the Museum of Modern Art.
(laughing)
- Listen, would you mind
just taking one picture with us, please?
- For cryin' out loud I
thought you'd never ask.
(laughing)
- Would you please?
Hurry up.
- All right, everybody say partly cloudy.
(laughing)
One more for safety, all
right everybody say breezy.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you, nice to meet you both.
All the best, thank you, thank you.
Keep watching, all right?
(calm music)
(children playing)
- She should be here any minute.
- No way another 45-minutes or
maybe even 50, I don't know.
Maybe an hour, I don't know.
I just can't wait to
get home and watch TV,
and stuff like that.
- Oh, you have to get those shoes.
Did you see that chick,
she is so fucking weird.
Are you kidding me?
- So fat.
- Some people need to stop fucking eating.
- Okay, what should we eat?
Pizza, Chinese, oh
Weinerschnitzel, chili dogs?
- Oh wait, we can't.
Shane's here with his posse.
- So what?
- Molly, never let a
guy you're attracted to
see you eating chili.
Chili is synonymous with farts.
Do you want a hot guy to
associate you with farting?
- I think that's a bit
of a stretch, Hannah.
- It's subliminal.
Let's get Cinnabuns.
Then they'll associate with
sweet, yummy, deliciousness.
- Whatever.
- Yay.
- That has lots of nuts on it,
you'd like that one because you love nuts.
- I think you're the one who likes nuts.
- Big titties man.
(cheering)
- Hi, how are you?
- What's up?
- What are you doing?
You're just gonna sit
there and not hug me, jerk.
- Such a bitch.
- Ya big jerk.
I called you a bitch too.
Hi!
Not a big deal.
- I got a nice new hot
Cinnabun by the way.
It's hot.
- What's up bitches?
What ya doing shopping,
getting your nails did, what?
Oh hey, I'm gonna have a bite.
(honking)
- Finally!
- Yeah, stand back, stand back.
Let her, okay.
Why are you late again?
- Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
What, no hug Mr. Pouty Pants?
Whatever, hi baby.
Help Orphie get strapped in.
Thanks for waiting with them.
- Mrs. Gerber, I've been waiting with them
out here for an hour.
Last time it was 45-minutes.
- Get in, come on!
- Every other parent has come and gone.
- Yeah, well you know
traffic was just a nightmare.
And let me tell ya something,
if their father wasn't such a workaholic,
maybe he could come
pick them up sometimes,
but I'm not gonna bore
you with those details.
All right, thanks hun.
- Can we just please talk?
Jesus!
- Move aside, please.
(tires squealing)
- Bye, nice seeing you.
- Good seeing you.
- Bye bitch.
- Okay, see you bitch.
- Bye, guys.
- Jesus, oh God.
- You guys that Hannah is fucking smoking.
Stay clear though, she gave
Wilmer's older brother herpes.
(laughing)
- I think he likes you,
you got to go for it.
- He asked for a bite of your cinnabun,
he obviously still wants you.
I totally think you guys
would make an adorable couple.
- Will you shut up?
You and Shane are perfect for each other.
I'm gonna make it happen.
- Don't do any favors.
What do you mean make it happen?
- I'll just let some details slip
like that you think he's cute,
and you want his number, and you swallow.
(laughs)
- You better not!
- Let's go, I'm over it.
Push in your chair, loser.
- Oh excuse me, excuse me.
- What?
- I don't know if you see the signs,
but you know you have to
clean up after yourself.
- Bite me Kajabi.
(laughs)
- I'm not Kajabi, so I don't
know who you're talking to.
It's not me, because I'm not Kajabi.
Stupids, stupids.
Very stupid, stupid.
Hey keep it down!
- Oh don't you know my name
is Apu, clean up your shit.
- Don't you think you guys
should bus your own tables?
I'm from India.
(vomiting noises)
(calm music)
- Yee-haw, howdy pepper.
The LA County Fair is still going on,
but only two more days to go.
So, head on over to
the Pomona Fair Grounds
if you wanna see the world's largest cow.
And no, I'm not talking
about my ex-mother-in-law.
Hey-ho!
Of course with the world's largest cow,
comes the world's largest cow pies.
Them's good eating, I'm gonna
have my ala mode please.
Oh, get out of here.
Somebody take that.
(crashing)
Get that cat outta here!
That of course being a
reference to the classic
Steve Martin comedy,
The Man With Two Brains.
Remember that scene with the
cat in the operating room?
It was crazy!
Where were we?
Right, the weather report.
That's why they pay me the
big bucks, let's take a look
at our Acuweather
satellite photo shall we?
As you can see we have
a high pressure ridge
coming down from the northwest.
It's gonna mean clearing skies,
and beautiful temperatures.
70s out at the beaches, 80s in the valley,
mid 90s in the inland empire.
Head on out to that LA County Fair,
grab one of those funnel cakes,
they're really good for ya.
(phone ringing)
- Hi honey.
- When the fuck are you coming home?
- Oh, not for at least I don't
know two hours or so Stella.
I told ya I had to work late.
- You are such a cliche,
you are a walking cliche.
Working late at the office.
You know, maybe brain
dead bimbo housewives
fell for that excuse in
the Leave it to Beaver era,
but guess what we've come a long way baby.
- You're drunk you know that?
You should just go to bed.
- I am not drunk.
Is Courtney there with you?
- Oh, Stella, please stop it, okay?
No, Courtney's not here
with me, she left hours ago.
I'm here all alone, all by myself.
I'm trying to get these
briefs done by morning.
- Trying to get your briefs done,
or is Courtney trying to help
you get your briefs down?
- Oh, that's very funny Stella.
Very, very funny.
You know, the quicker
I can get back to work,
the quicker I can get home.
- All right, if you're alone,
then I want you to scream the word nigger
as loud as you can.
- Excuse me?
- The only way that I'm gonna
believe that you're alone
is if you scream the word
nigger at the top of your lungs.
Otherwise, I'm gonna
know you're full of shit.
- I am gonna do absolutely
nothing of the kind.
You're out of your God damn mind!
- Scream it Leonard!
- Absolutely not!
- Scream it!
- No, I'm gonna hang up right now, okay?
- Scream it or I swear to God
I'm gonna file for fucking divorce
first thing in the fucking morning,
you lying cheating sack of shit.
- Nigger!
There, you satisfied, huh?
23 years of pro bono work for the NAACP
down the fucking toilet
because of you and your fucking paranoia.
I am here alone, okay?
I'm here alone, all right.
Fuck you, fuck you all!
Fuck everybody, if there's
anybody else here fuck you too!
Nigger!
- Calm down Leonard, Jesus Christ.
I'll see ya in a couple hours.
Hey buddy.
- Fuck!
Fucking shit!
God!
♪ We gonna show you how
we like it in the club ♪
♪ Cash bill turn the
key to the west coast ♪
♪ It's down south to the
mother fucking west coast ♪
♪ Cash bills turn the
key to the west coast ♪
♪ Let's go nigga, let's go nigga ♪
♪ I got a private dance
from this girl in the club ♪
♪ Had me in a trance rocked
my world, body was tough ♪
♪ I paid my money ♪
♪ Climbed up on it so hard ♪
♪ hurt her leg when she grinds up on it ♪
♪ Other guys talk, I'll really suit ya ♪
♪ Show you thinks from the Kama Sutra ♪
♪ Body so tight nothing
wrong with the rear ♪
♪ Ass hole make the
whole thong disappear ♪
♪ Like it long when she
get close and drop steady ♪
♪ Chest jiggling because
she's so top heavy ♪
♪ I like them like that,
double D's to double H's ♪
♪ With no fakeness, my
God goodness gracious ♪
♪ I'm ecstatic how you
flip it with them tactics ♪
♪ Workin' magic with them
hit it from the back ♪
♪ Low and wide, take it slow and guide ♪
♪ Me to another place where
you can blow my mind ♪
- Oh for Christ sake.
- What?
- Nothing, nothing, keep going.
♪ If you wanna play streetball ♪
♪ It's off the hizzy,
like what you see babe ♪
♪ Give me more chicks ♪
♪ Yo get in there right ♪
♪ This isn't free ball,
you know how we ball ♪
♪ Pay top dollar if you
want to play street ball ♪
♪ It's off the hizzy,
like what you see babe ♪
♪ Give me more tips
you'll get into replay ♪
♪ Mother fucking cum
sucking bitches ain't shit ♪
♪ You better jump on the
chance you wanna roll ♪
- What happened, it's sad.
- It'll be fine, just stand
up and dance for a minute.
♪ If you're fucking you can roll ♪
♪ If not you can't grab ♪
♪ Big time, we shine these
ladies they love it ♪
(squeaking)
(heavy breathing)
- There's one, there's one.
- Perfect.
Hey wake up!
Get a job mother fucker, fuck you!
(gun shots)
(laughing)
Fucking bum!
(upbeat music)
- Uh-oh the barf man cometh.
- Not this mother fucker again man.
Get out!
Mother fucker, what I tell you man?
Out of here.
Carl, Carl, get him the fuck out of here.
- Why me?
- Because you're my assistant,
and you're gonna do
something I tell ya for once.
- What if he pukes again?
All right, get out of here!
- Go!
- Fuck it, fire me.
- Look man, I'm calling the cops this time
if you don't leave.
- Oh, he's pissing his pants.
This ain't a fucking toilet man,
it's a mini-mart, get
the fuck out of here!
Are you gonna fuck ...
Look, I'm gonna get you a
hot dog, one more hot dog.
You gotta go man.
Here, take this, the fuck?
Shit, shit!
Carl man, what the fuck man?
All right, okay, we need to get
get the fuck away from me!
Carl, man, he's like a fucking zombie
in the Night of the Living Dead!
The fuck!
Calling the fucking cops
man you fucking nut!
Get in here man!
Get those fucking things
closed man, what you doing?
Pull it, pull it, pull it!
This guy's crazy!
The owner's gonna fucking kill me man.
- What's going on?
- We're locked in here,
that crazy homeless guy pissed his pants
and tried to attack us.
Stay right there, don't
get involved in this.
You mother fucker, yes I'm in a mini mart
by the train station in Stratford.
I got a fucking wild bum in here,
he's going fucking ape shit,
he attacked me and my assistant.
Get somebody over here.
Oh my God, he's smashing fucking shit.
He's going fucking nuts.
What the fuck is he doing?
Oh my God, no!
He's smashing my fucking instrument.
He's smashing my fucking
instrument, you fucking nut!
You fucking nut!
Get somebody over here,
he just smashed my fucking $1,000 amp.
Oh my God, you mother fucker!
You fucking nut, oh my God!
He's throwing stuff.
He's getting fucking naked,
he's fucking going nuts.
Get somebody, oh my God.
- Cut it out man!
- He smashed all my fucking shit.
This is so fucked up man.
This is so fucked up.
You fucking cock sucker!
Don't touch that fucking thing man.
Oh my God!
(police sirens)
- Over here, over here!
- I got it, I got it.
What's going on here, ma'am?
- There's a guy and he
took off all his clothes,
and he's throwing things,
and he's breaking things, and he's crazy.
- What are these guys doing?
- They're locked in here
because he was throwing stuff.
- Hey!
- No fucking idea.
- How long's he been in there?
- Like five to ten minutes.
- All right, just stay here.
- He's fucking naked man.
(crashing)
- Hey how are ya tonight sir?
- What about the concert?
- There isn't gonna be a concert,
the instruments are destroyed.
- Well I've been sending
out hundreds of invites
on Facebook and Myspace, and--
- There's fucking record execs
comin', there's media comin'.
If I gotta rent new equipment by Friday,
that mother fucker is goin' down.
It's fucking happening.
- What the fuck is the matter with you?
Get down on the ground.
Go that way.
Go right there, go that way.
Wow, wow, hey, hey!
Get on the ground right now.
- Hey sir, we're gonna take you in.
- Sir, get down on the ground right now.
Go that way, wow!
All right, grab him, grab him.
Stop it, stop it!
Do it, give him one.
Sir one more time,
and you're gonna get pepper sprayed again.
Okay, all right, all right.
Come on, sir.
- Grab that.
- Yeah, yeah, you all right?
- Fuck man!
You fucking cock sucker.
- There we go.
- Oh my God!
What the fuck, man?
- Oh my God!
- It's all fucking destroyed.
- Is it insured?
- Oh my God, that mother
fucker broke it all man.
Jesus, Christ!
- Oh, shit!
- Oh my God!
- It was horrible, we could see his penis.
(upbeat music)