Living Single (1993–1998): Season 5, Episode 8 - Three Men and a Buckeye - full transcript
Whoo! Nay‐nay.
This is the best seafood
gumbo I've ever had.
Girl, where did you
learn to cook like this?
My mother. She was a lousy cook.
So I either had to
learn or starve to death.
You know, I was
ten before I realized
that gravy doesn't have skin.
Now, you know what
I like with my dinner.
A little dessert.
Boy! Something
smells good up in here.
It's called a
relationship. Get out.
Ooh, now that's just right.
See, I was born on the Bayou.
Yeah, well. Bye, you.
So, uh, next time..
We do this at your place.
You know, it's funny
you should say that.
Regine, how would you
feel, about moving in with me?
Movin' in?
Baby, I don't know, I mean..
You know, trade this cramped
apartment with two roommates
and one bathroom for, a
mansion with the man that I adore
and an army of servants.. Hmm..
You think they could come
and pack my stuff up tonight?
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
90's kinda world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ What ♪
♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girl standin'
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue we tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Single ♪
I've told you before, get
your drunk butt off our stoop.
Baby, it's here at last.
Tickets for tomorrows
O State Michigan game.
Oh, good, football.
Yeah.
My Cousin Damien is
the starting quarterback.
You know Uncle Smoke
Eye's youngest son?
Girl, we gonna be telling
this story to our grand kids
till they pull the plug on us.
Oh, would you look at this?
A fabric softener sample.
I figured we leave tonight
and get there in time
for the predawn tail gate party.
And then we enter the
holiest of holies, Ohio stadium.
The Horseshoe. Yeah.
Think about it, baby.
Us just sittin'
there, drinking beer
and eating hot dogs and
hoping our frozen fingers
don't snap off
like brittle twigs.
Oh, well, I‐I can
picture all that, Obie.
‐ Yeah.. ‐ Except
one thing's missing.
‐ Oh, what's that, girl? ‐ Me.
Obie, I hate football.
Wait a minute. Now,
this just can't be.
Now, wait a minute.
Didn't you go with me
to all those Jets games
when we were datin'?
Yeah, but we were datin'.
Come on, man. Now, get
your drunk butt off the porch.
Oh, Khadijah.
Hey, you want to go with me
to the O State Michigan
game tomorrow?
I mean, you not repulsed by the
world's greatest sport, are you?
‐ 'No, I'm down
with that.' ‐ Cool.
Sure. Drinking
beer, eating hot dogs.
Watching 22 Titans run
up and down the field.
Oh, hold it. I'm sure
you've got one of these.
"You are cordially invited
to a high tea this Saturday
"where Ms. Regine Hunter
will make an announcement
of great social and
political import."
What the hell is this?
Regine, whatever this
drama is, I cant make it.
Oh, but you have to.
It's a critical turning
point in my life.
And I already
did the calligraphy
on your place card.
Oh. Oh, wait now. This is big.
The last time she calligraphized
was when she announced that
she was becoming a vegetarian.
Girl, you started eating
pork‐chops again.
Alright, if you must know
Dexter asked me to
move in and I accepted.
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh! My God!
Hey, look, I‐I'm
happy for you too.
But Overton just invited
me to the Ohio State game.
Now, can't you
have this tea party
in the stadium parking
lot or something?
‐ Ohio State Michigan? ‐ Yeah.
Man that, man that game's
been sold out for months.
Look, please tell me
you've got an extra ticket
for the brother that makes
the blueberry pancakes
you said you'd go to war for.
Well, I might, let's just see
how this little
scenario, uh, works out.
Shall we?
Alright, now, Khadijah, look.
This is not some
frivolous girl party, alright?
I need, I need my
friends, my girls around me
when I tell mom.
She doesn't usually fake a
seizure when there's company.
So once again you're using us.
Just one last time.
‐ Get off of me. ‐ Yes!
Regine, I came over
as soon as I heard
that you were moving out.
Oh, no, I did dance
around a little bit..
Don't hide your pain,
Max, how do you really feel.
Just let it out.
You know, I can't even
believe that you cool
with this living together thing.
I mean, you cried for days when
Oprah let Stedman move in.
So what? You, you think
I'm makin' a mistake?
No, no, absolutely
not. No, come one.
I'll help you pack,
girl, come on. Let's go.
Alright, look.
Dexter and I are headed
to the altar eventually.
You know, I mean
in the meantime..
Hey, why shouldn't
we share every moment
that we can together?
And if that's what you're
going to say to Mother Hunter
you've got your
work cut out for you.
Regine, I heard the news of
your impending co‐habitation
and I'm here to extend
my sincerest good wishes.
Russell, that is so sweet.
And so totally not you.
Oh, I'm full of surprises,
Here's another one.
Marry me.
Okay, Regine, I'mma
go warm up the car.
Russell, I'm, I'm speechless.
Oh, um..
Let's give the
lovebirds some privacy.
Oh, I'm staying. I want
to hear her answer.
Sweetie, it's beautiful.
It really is and..
When the right woman comes along
I know that she will love
it and you very much.
You're an elegant woman, Regine.
Come now, shimmy
for me one last time.
Go ahead, girl.
I'll carry this
memory to my grave.
I may belong to another man
but my shimmy will
always belong to you.
Look, Synclaire..
I don't want to sound ungrateful
but we, we just going to
the game, not catering it.
Yeah.
Gentlemen, when you
are going on a road trip
you can never have enough
gas, food and clean underwear.
Oh, so that explains the
Ziploc bag full of Jockey's.
Overton, if you're
bound for the road
please take me with you.
I need to drive away my pain
on an endless stretch
of blue highway.
Oh, cool, then join the party.
Lord knows we've got enough
food and drawers for everybody.
Right, man.
My customized van
is at your disposal.
It has very few miles on it
and only one previous owner.
One owner, huh?
What did he use this van
for? Voodoo ceremonies?
Man, I don't care if you drag me
behind this buck
in a little red wagon.
I'm going to the O State
Michigan game, eh?
I'll never forget the first time
dad and Uncle Smoke Eye
took me down to Columbia.
Ten below zero, up
in the nosebleed seats.
When Jim Holders ran that
kickoff back for a touchdown
I spit my pacifier
right out my mouth.
Man, the law of American
football is beyond me.
Women's soccer?
Whoo! Now, that's a game.
A very good way to meet
large aggressive women.
Hey, man, how do you cut
the heat down on this thing?
Hotter in here than two
boll weevils in wool socks.
Actually it is off.
What you're feeling
is the heat coming off
our slightly cracked
engine block.
Oh, man!
Now, that's much better.
What is that blasphemous
word written across
your puny little chest?
I'm just a Michigan fan.
Go blue.
You a Wolverine?
Russell, pull the van over.
No, on second thoughts, just
speed up and open up the door.
No, man, I already
got one ticket
for dumping a
foreign object. No.
Is that a mirage with legs?
Has God sent me a beautiful
budding flower to heal my pain?
No, no, we are not
picking up some stranger
man, she could
be a serial‐killer.
‐ Hey, guys. ‐ 'Hey, girl.'
Who you for? O
State or Michigan?
Buckeye to the bone.
‐ Oh, well, get on
the bus! ‐ Yeah!
♪ Fight the team
across the field ♪
♪ Show them Ohio's here ♪
Do you know what a buckeye is?
It's an inedible nut that falls
to the ground and lies there.
Oh, like your players.
And you know what would
happen to a Wolverine's head
if a Buckeye hit it at
a 100 miles an hour?
No, but I know one
thing, I know one thing‐‐.
Quiet! Quiet now, quiet now!
Now, your squabbling will
awaken my sleeping angel.
What she needs is the
soothing sound of reggae music.
'On the local front'
'the manhunt continues
for Camille Harris.'
'Suspected in a spree of
convenience store hold‐ups.'
'She was last seen hitch‐hiking
outside of Pittsburgh.'
Hold up now, uh, uh,
didn't we pick up girlie
right outside Pittsburgh?
'Witnesses describe
her as being about 5'2"'
'with a tattoo of a
penguin on her left wrist.'
‐ Oh? ‐ 'What the..'
Gimme that. This
is not a penguin.
That's a bird wearin' a tuxedo.
We are all going to die.
Just chill out, brave Wolverine.
We'll pull this van over and
we'll come up with a plan.
Look, that woman's a disgrace
to Buckeye fans everywhere.
I say we leave her here
and get our bus to the game.
‐ Yeah that's what I'm
saying. ‐ No, no, no.
Let us not act rationally.
Now this is obviously a
case of mistaken identity.
Whoo! How about that.
Most women can't drive a stick.
Baby girl, I know why I'm here
so stop stalling and
show me the rock!
I bet it's as big
as that door knob.
Mom, um, I, I didn't call you
over to announce my engagement.
‐ Um, ladies. ‐ Oh, yes.
Um, Dexter and I
are movin' in together.
Congratulations. I'm
very happy for you.
Maybe you didn't hear her!
She said that they are moving
in together in the same house
in the same bed.
I heard.
And as long as she's
happy, that's all that matters.
I was expecting fireworks
and this is what I get?
As usual, Regine, you
are a big disappointment.
That was the worst reaction
I could've ever expected.
Anger I could deal
with, but... being polite?
Wishing me well. Not
raining on my parade.
Now, that is just
plain... hateful.
You know, your
mother is... worse than.
Penny's mom on "Good Times."
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, excuse me, officer, uh, we
need to report a stolen vehicle.
It was a highly customized
classic 1967 Volkswagen bus
with... patches of the
original paint still on it.
If you're talkin' about
a dig little hippie bus
with a "Hemp for
health" bumper sticker?
We've got it in impound.
Unfortunately right
after we towed it here
it burst into flames.
There he is,
officer. That's him.
That's the freak that
let me drive away
in their broke down
hooty from hell.
Girl, you got more nerve
than a pick‐pocket in church.
You better butt
out of it, curly.
You're a menace to society.
If I ever get out, I'mma
come back and hunt you down
like the dog you are.
Did you see that
fire, that passion?
I'll wait for you,
my lovely felon.
Russ, have you ever thought
about going after a woman
that you might have a
chance in hell of getting?
Man, all I know is, there's
three minutes before kick‐off
and we stuck out
here in the boonie.
We've got a black
and white out back.
You expect me to watch my
cousin lead the Buckeyes to victory
on a black and white TV?
Oh, relax man, it's
just a game, huh?
A game, you say?
No, no not where I come from.
See? Cleveland
is a simple place.
Blue collar town with
hard‐working people.
See, when I was growing
up, car plants and steel mills
were closing
down left and right.
Jobs were hard to
come by. And hope?
Hope was just the name
of our local librarian.
So the only thing
that kept us alive
was O State football on Saturday
and the Browns on Sunday.
Man, some of my best memories
are with my dad down on
those frozen stadium benches.
And then, Art Modale
cold jacked the Browns
like an armored truck with
the keys left in the ignition.
So now, all we
got left is O State.
So if it's all the
same to you, officer
I'd rather die trying to get
there than to watch my Buckeye
on your black and or white TV.
I meant a black
and white squad car.
If you throw on
the lights and sirens
I can get you
there in three hours.
Oh. Alright, let's bounce.
Come on, man, the
game's almost over
we've got to get to our seats.
Oh, yo, you might want to cover
that up, man. Buckeye country.
Oh, brother,
please. I am strong.
I am proud. I am a Wolverine!
Now, you're strong,
proud and naked.
'Ohio State calls
their final time‐out.'
‐ Oh, hey! ‐ Hey.
Look who finally showed up.
My fast talking New York
nephew. Hey, come here, boy!
Uncle Smoke Eye!
I thought you were dead!
Only reason you'd
miss a big game like this.
I know!
And who's your naked friend?
Hey, hey, I'm, I'm Tripp.
Can I borrow your coat?
Hell, no!
Y'all settle in. We're
five points down.
My boy is driving the
team down the field.
Alright. Oh, excuse me, dawg.
‐ I think you're in my
seat. ‐ Uh, look, bro.
Two hours and fifty bucks
ago, this became my seat.
Wait are you trying to tell
me somebody sold my seat?
Well, like I said, son, I
thought you were dead.
'Well, it all comes
down to this.'
'Just five seconds on the clock'
'this is the last
play of the game.'
'Alright, Damon
Howard takes the snap'
'fades back into the
pocket Can't find a receiver!'
'Scrambles to the
left! Scrambles right!'
'Fights it over, he dives
in, touchdown! Ohio State!'
Yeah, boy. I told
you it was our year.
That's Obie right
there, see him?
I know my man when I see him.
That's him right
there. Look, look.
You know what my mom
is in there doing, don't you?
See, it's that old passive
aggressive routine of hers.
She's just going to
stay in there until I
until I just get worn down.
But you know
what? Not this time.
You know what? I, I, I'm
just going to pack my bags.
‐ And I am going to‐‐ ‐ Move!
Move, to the
Hamptons with my man.
And if I never see her
again, well, smooches to her!
Don't you talk about
your mother that way.
‐ How you gonna smooch
her? ‐ How could you say that?
‐ It's your mother.
‐ Oh, my goodness!
I never speak to
my mother like that.
‐ What're you talking about?
‐ Listen here, Miss Missy.
My mother and I have
a special relationship.
So do Khadijah and her mom.
Yours is a twisted one.
Strangely, it works. Go fix it.
Alright... I will be
the bigger person.
But then, Khadijah,
I'm going to need
the number to your therapist.
Therapist? Man, you see
somebody once or twice
and now you've got a therapist.
‐ What's up with that? ‐ I know.
Okay, um, here I am..
So let me have it.
Do you girls ever clean
out this refrigerator?
I just found my casserole
from the Fourth of July.
Well, I won't have
to worry about that
when I move in with Dexter,
because he's got a live‐in maid.
Hmm.
That was your opening, ma.
This is where you yell
and, and start hollering
about how I'm such
a disappointment
and oh, how I
will be living in sin
and, and how will
you ever break this
to your bowling league.
Get mad!
I'm not mad at you, baby girl.
I'm hurting for you.
Look, now, I didn't
just meet you, Regina.
I've known you all your life.
And I know that, moving in
with Dexter without marrying him
is not what you want.
Okay, alright, so..
So I do want it all.
But what, what am
I supposed to do
tell Dexter and risk losing him?
Ma, he's the one.
If that's the case,
then you should be able
to tell him the truth.
And if he can't hear it, well..
Maybe he's not the one.
Baby, what, what is
all of this fabulousness?
This is the song
that I always dreamed
would be played at my wedding.
I'd like you to be
there to hear it too.
Regine..
Will you marry me?
Are you alright?
Yes.
Yes? Yes?
‐ Yes. ‐ Yes.
Yes! Yes.
Yes!
‐ 'We're getting
married!' ‐ 'Uh‐huh.'
We're getting married!
‐ We, we.. ‐ Whoo!
This is the best seafood
gumbo I've ever had.
Girl, where did you
learn to cook like this?
My mother. She was a lousy cook.
So I either had to
learn or starve to death.
You know, I was
ten before I realized
that gravy doesn't have skin.
Now, you know what
I like with my dinner.
A little dessert.
Boy! Something
smells good up in here.
It's called a
relationship. Get out.
Ooh, now that's just right.
See, I was born on the Bayou.
Yeah, well. Bye, you.
So, uh, next time..
We do this at your place.
You know, it's funny
you should say that.
Regine, how would you
feel, about moving in with me?
Movin' in?
Baby, I don't know, I mean..
You know, trade this cramped
apartment with two roommates
and one bathroom for, a
mansion with the man that I adore
and an army of servants.. Hmm..
You think they could come
and pack my stuff up tonight?
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
90's kinda world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ What ♪
♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girl standin'
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue we tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Single ♪
I've told you before, get
your drunk butt off our stoop.
Baby, it's here at last.
Tickets for tomorrows
O State Michigan game.
Oh, good, football.
Yeah.
My Cousin Damien is
the starting quarterback.
You know Uncle Smoke
Eye's youngest son?
Girl, we gonna be telling
this story to our grand kids
till they pull the plug on us.
Oh, would you look at this?
A fabric softener sample.
I figured we leave tonight
and get there in time
for the predawn tail gate party.
And then we enter the
holiest of holies, Ohio stadium.
The Horseshoe. Yeah.
Think about it, baby.
Us just sittin'
there, drinking beer
and eating hot dogs and
hoping our frozen fingers
don't snap off
like brittle twigs.
Oh, well, I‐I can
picture all that, Obie.
‐ Yeah.. ‐ Except
one thing's missing.
‐ Oh, what's that, girl? ‐ Me.
Obie, I hate football.
Wait a minute. Now,
this just can't be.
Now, wait a minute.
Didn't you go with me
to all those Jets games
when we were datin'?
Yeah, but we were datin'.
Come on, man. Now, get
your drunk butt off the porch.
Oh, Khadijah.
Hey, you want to go with me
to the O State Michigan
game tomorrow?
I mean, you not repulsed by the
world's greatest sport, are you?
‐ 'No, I'm down
with that.' ‐ Cool.
Sure. Drinking
beer, eating hot dogs.
Watching 22 Titans run
up and down the field.
Oh, hold it. I'm sure
you've got one of these.
"You are cordially invited
to a high tea this Saturday
"where Ms. Regine Hunter
will make an announcement
of great social and
political import."
What the hell is this?
Regine, whatever this
drama is, I cant make it.
Oh, but you have to.
It's a critical turning
point in my life.
And I already
did the calligraphy
on your place card.
Oh. Oh, wait now. This is big.
The last time she calligraphized
was when she announced that
she was becoming a vegetarian.
Girl, you started eating
pork‐chops again.
Alright, if you must know
Dexter asked me to
move in and I accepted.
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh! My God!
Hey, look, I‐I'm
happy for you too.
But Overton just invited
me to the Ohio State game.
Now, can't you
have this tea party
in the stadium parking
lot or something?
‐ Ohio State Michigan? ‐ Yeah.
Man that, man that game's
been sold out for months.
Look, please tell me
you've got an extra ticket
for the brother that makes
the blueberry pancakes
you said you'd go to war for.
Well, I might, let's just see
how this little
scenario, uh, works out.
Shall we?
Alright, now, Khadijah, look.
This is not some
frivolous girl party, alright?
I need, I need my
friends, my girls around me
when I tell mom.
She doesn't usually fake a
seizure when there's company.
So once again you're using us.
Just one last time.
‐ Get off of me. ‐ Yes!
Regine, I came over
as soon as I heard
that you were moving out.
Oh, no, I did dance
around a little bit..
Don't hide your pain,
Max, how do you really feel.
Just let it out.
You know, I can't even
believe that you cool
with this living together thing.
I mean, you cried for days when
Oprah let Stedman move in.
So what? You, you think
I'm makin' a mistake?
No, no, absolutely
not. No, come one.
I'll help you pack,
girl, come on. Let's go.
Alright, look.
Dexter and I are headed
to the altar eventually.
You know, I mean
in the meantime..
Hey, why shouldn't
we share every moment
that we can together?
And if that's what you're
going to say to Mother Hunter
you've got your
work cut out for you.
Regine, I heard the news of
your impending co‐habitation
and I'm here to extend
my sincerest good wishes.
Russell, that is so sweet.
And so totally not you.
Oh, I'm full of surprises,
Here's another one.
Marry me.
Okay, Regine, I'mma
go warm up the car.
Russell, I'm, I'm speechless.
Oh, um..
Let's give the
lovebirds some privacy.
Oh, I'm staying. I want
to hear her answer.
Sweetie, it's beautiful.
It really is and..
When the right woman comes along
I know that she will love
it and you very much.
You're an elegant woman, Regine.
Come now, shimmy
for me one last time.
Go ahead, girl.
I'll carry this
memory to my grave.
I may belong to another man
but my shimmy will
always belong to you.
Look, Synclaire..
I don't want to sound ungrateful
but we, we just going to
the game, not catering it.
Yeah.
Gentlemen, when you
are going on a road trip
you can never have enough
gas, food and clean underwear.
Oh, so that explains the
Ziploc bag full of Jockey's.
Overton, if you're
bound for the road
please take me with you.
I need to drive away my pain
on an endless stretch
of blue highway.
Oh, cool, then join the party.
Lord knows we've got enough
food and drawers for everybody.
Right, man.
My customized van
is at your disposal.
It has very few miles on it
and only one previous owner.
One owner, huh?
What did he use this van
for? Voodoo ceremonies?
Man, I don't care if you drag me
behind this buck
in a little red wagon.
I'm going to the O State
Michigan game, eh?
I'll never forget the first time
dad and Uncle Smoke Eye
took me down to Columbia.
Ten below zero, up
in the nosebleed seats.
When Jim Holders ran that
kickoff back for a touchdown
I spit my pacifier
right out my mouth.
Man, the law of American
football is beyond me.
Women's soccer?
Whoo! Now, that's a game.
A very good way to meet
large aggressive women.
Hey, man, how do you cut
the heat down on this thing?
Hotter in here than two
boll weevils in wool socks.
Actually it is off.
What you're feeling
is the heat coming off
our slightly cracked
engine block.
Oh, man!
Now, that's much better.
What is that blasphemous
word written across
your puny little chest?
I'm just a Michigan fan.
Go blue.
You a Wolverine?
Russell, pull the van over.
No, on second thoughts, just
speed up and open up the door.
No, man, I already
got one ticket
for dumping a
foreign object. No.
Is that a mirage with legs?
Has God sent me a beautiful
budding flower to heal my pain?
No, no, we are not
picking up some stranger
man, she could
be a serial‐killer.
‐ Hey, guys. ‐ 'Hey, girl.'
Who you for? O
State or Michigan?
Buckeye to the bone.
‐ Oh, well, get on
the bus! ‐ Yeah!
♪ Fight the team
across the field ♪
♪ Show them Ohio's here ♪
Do you know what a buckeye is?
It's an inedible nut that falls
to the ground and lies there.
Oh, like your players.
And you know what would
happen to a Wolverine's head
if a Buckeye hit it at
a 100 miles an hour?
No, but I know one
thing, I know one thing‐‐.
Quiet! Quiet now, quiet now!
Now, your squabbling will
awaken my sleeping angel.
What she needs is the
soothing sound of reggae music.
'On the local front'
'the manhunt continues
for Camille Harris.'
'Suspected in a spree of
convenience store hold‐ups.'
'She was last seen hitch‐hiking
outside of Pittsburgh.'
Hold up now, uh, uh,
didn't we pick up girlie
right outside Pittsburgh?
'Witnesses describe
her as being about 5'2"'
'with a tattoo of a
penguin on her left wrist.'
‐ Oh? ‐ 'What the..'
Gimme that. This
is not a penguin.
That's a bird wearin' a tuxedo.
We are all going to die.
Just chill out, brave Wolverine.
We'll pull this van over and
we'll come up with a plan.
Look, that woman's a disgrace
to Buckeye fans everywhere.
I say we leave her here
and get our bus to the game.
‐ Yeah that's what I'm
saying. ‐ No, no, no.
Let us not act rationally.
Now this is obviously a
case of mistaken identity.
Whoo! How about that.
Most women can't drive a stick.
Baby girl, I know why I'm here
so stop stalling and
show me the rock!
I bet it's as big
as that door knob.
Mom, um, I, I didn't call you
over to announce my engagement.
‐ Um, ladies. ‐ Oh, yes.
Um, Dexter and I
are movin' in together.
Congratulations. I'm
very happy for you.
Maybe you didn't hear her!
She said that they are moving
in together in the same house
in the same bed.
I heard.
And as long as she's
happy, that's all that matters.
I was expecting fireworks
and this is what I get?
As usual, Regine, you
are a big disappointment.
That was the worst reaction
I could've ever expected.
Anger I could deal
with, but... being polite?
Wishing me well. Not
raining on my parade.
Now, that is just
plain... hateful.
You know, your
mother is... worse than.
Penny's mom on "Good Times."
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, excuse me, officer, uh, we
need to report a stolen vehicle.
It was a highly customized
classic 1967 Volkswagen bus
with... patches of the
original paint still on it.
If you're talkin' about
a dig little hippie bus
with a "Hemp for
health" bumper sticker?
We've got it in impound.
Unfortunately right
after we towed it here
it burst into flames.
There he is,
officer. That's him.
That's the freak that
let me drive away
in their broke down
hooty from hell.
Girl, you got more nerve
than a pick‐pocket in church.
You better butt
out of it, curly.
You're a menace to society.
If I ever get out, I'mma
come back and hunt you down
like the dog you are.
Did you see that
fire, that passion?
I'll wait for you,
my lovely felon.
Russ, have you ever thought
about going after a woman
that you might have a
chance in hell of getting?
Man, all I know is, there's
three minutes before kick‐off
and we stuck out
here in the boonie.
We've got a black
and white out back.
You expect me to watch my
cousin lead the Buckeyes to victory
on a black and white TV?
Oh, relax man, it's
just a game, huh?
A game, you say?
No, no not where I come from.
See? Cleveland
is a simple place.
Blue collar town with
hard‐working people.
See, when I was growing
up, car plants and steel mills
were closing
down left and right.
Jobs were hard to
come by. And hope?
Hope was just the name
of our local librarian.
So the only thing
that kept us alive
was O State football on Saturday
and the Browns on Sunday.
Man, some of my best memories
are with my dad down on
those frozen stadium benches.
And then, Art Modale
cold jacked the Browns
like an armored truck with
the keys left in the ignition.
So now, all we
got left is O State.
So if it's all the
same to you, officer
I'd rather die trying to get
there than to watch my Buckeye
on your black and or white TV.
I meant a black
and white squad car.
If you throw on
the lights and sirens
I can get you
there in three hours.
Oh. Alright, let's bounce.
Come on, man, the
game's almost over
we've got to get to our seats.
Oh, yo, you might want to cover
that up, man. Buckeye country.
Oh, brother,
please. I am strong.
I am proud. I am a Wolverine!
Now, you're strong,
proud and naked.
'Ohio State calls
their final time‐out.'
‐ Oh, hey! ‐ Hey.
Look who finally showed up.
My fast talking New York
nephew. Hey, come here, boy!
Uncle Smoke Eye!
I thought you were dead!
Only reason you'd
miss a big game like this.
I know!
And who's your naked friend?
Hey, hey, I'm, I'm Tripp.
Can I borrow your coat?
Hell, no!
Y'all settle in. We're
five points down.
My boy is driving the
team down the field.
Alright. Oh, excuse me, dawg.
‐ I think you're in my
seat. ‐ Uh, look, bro.
Two hours and fifty bucks
ago, this became my seat.
Wait are you trying to tell
me somebody sold my seat?
Well, like I said, son, I
thought you were dead.
'Well, it all comes
down to this.'
'Just five seconds on the clock'
'this is the last
play of the game.'
'Alright, Damon
Howard takes the snap'
'fades back into the
pocket Can't find a receiver!'
'Scrambles to the
left! Scrambles right!'
'Fights it over, he dives
in, touchdown! Ohio State!'
Yeah, boy. I told
you it was our year.
That's Obie right
there, see him?
I know my man when I see him.
That's him right
there. Look, look.
You know what my mom
is in there doing, don't you?
See, it's that old passive
aggressive routine of hers.
She's just going to
stay in there until I
until I just get worn down.
But you know
what? Not this time.
You know what? I, I, I'm
just going to pack my bags.
‐ And I am going to‐‐ ‐ Move!
Move, to the
Hamptons with my man.
And if I never see her
again, well, smooches to her!
Don't you talk about
your mother that way.
‐ How you gonna smooch
her? ‐ How could you say that?
‐ It's your mother.
‐ Oh, my goodness!
I never speak to
my mother like that.
‐ What're you talking about?
‐ Listen here, Miss Missy.
My mother and I have
a special relationship.
So do Khadijah and her mom.
Yours is a twisted one.
Strangely, it works. Go fix it.
Alright... I will be
the bigger person.
But then, Khadijah,
I'm going to need
the number to your therapist.
Therapist? Man, you see
somebody once or twice
and now you've got a therapist.
‐ What's up with that? ‐ I know.
Okay, um, here I am..
So let me have it.
Do you girls ever clean
out this refrigerator?
I just found my casserole
from the Fourth of July.
Well, I won't have
to worry about that
when I move in with Dexter,
because he's got a live‐in maid.
Hmm.
That was your opening, ma.
This is where you yell
and, and start hollering
about how I'm such
a disappointment
and oh, how I
will be living in sin
and, and how will
you ever break this
to your bowling league.
Get mad!
I'm not mad at you, baby girl.
I'm hurting for you.
Look, now, I didn't
just meet you, Regina.
I've known you all your life.
And I know that, moving in
with Dexter without marrying him
is not what you want.
Okay, alright, so..
So I do want it all.
But what, what am
I supposed to do
tell Dexter and risk losing him?
Ma, he's the one.
If that's the case,
then you should be able
to tell him the truth.
And if he can't hear it, well..
Maybe he's not the one.
Baby, what, what is
all of this fabulousness?
This is the song
that I always dreamed
would be played at my wedding.
I'd like you to be
there to hear it too.
Regine..
Will you marry me?
Are you alright?
Yes.
Yes? Yes?
‐ Yes. ‐ Yes.
Yes! Yes.
Yes!
‐ 'We're getting
married!' ‐ 'Uh‐huh.'
We're getting married!
‐ We, we.. ‐ Whoo!