Living Single (1993–1998): Season 5, Episode 7 - He's the One - full transcript
Uh, Regine, it, uh, appears
one of our wedding
gifts is, uh, missing.
Obviously, you should've
been watching the gift table
instead of Desmond
Howard's MVP behind.
Excuse you!
But I have never ever
misplaced a wedding gift.
Even after that little
melee at Darrell's wedding
when his trampy bride
swapped spit with the best man.
Oh, Obie, how're we
ever gonna break it to Max
that we lost her gift?
What, Max?
Oh, girl, please, now you know
that cow is too
cheap to buy a gift.
Yeah, don't you
remember that Christmas
she wrapped up our
toaster and gave it to you.
That's right. And there
was still a Pop Tart in it, girl.
I'm still gonna have
a little chat with girly.
Many times as she
rolled up on the buffet
she should've gave
us three or four gifts.
I mean, Khadijah, the
girl took home a ham.
Now, hold up, Obie.
Now, y.. You can't
go at Max head‐on.
You‐you'll get nothing.
You've got to
handle this delicately.
Max, I can't believe
you're too damn cheap
to buy them a wedding gift.
Excuse you.
I would never forget
my dear friends.
I just forgot to
give it to them.
I'll go get it now.
Back off the toaster, Shaw!
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey‐y‐y ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh in a 90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue ♪
♪ It's tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want ♪
♪ No free position ♪
♪ Ha‐aa ♪
Ooh, man.
I mean, this is amazing what
you have done with this place.
Now can you undo it so our
place don't look like such a dump?
Fabulous news, kids.
My new business
cards have arrived.
So, if you meet
anyone rich or famous
you can help me get into
their hearts and their wallets.
And I'll be sure to tell them
about that, uh, couscous
you made for our wedding.
Mm‐hmm. Tasted like
some boujee grits to me.
"Formal event
planning by Regine.
"Specializing in
corporate parties, birthdays
and bar mitzvahs."
What?
Oh, please, after
the religious part
it's just a kids' party with
a rabbi instead of a clown.
Oh, and anyway, I got a
great lead on this fundraiser
being thrown by Dexter Knight.
Oh, Dexter Knight.
That's the brother that invented
the first black video game.
‐ "Pacman in the hood." ‐ Mmm.
You know, he's big.
He's big alright.
About 300 pounds.
You guys see him on
the cover of "Fortune?"
Front and back.
Come on, now.
Cut the man some slack.
'Cause, you know, he
invented my favorite video game.
"Kricsa, Female Warrior."
See, she travels
through all space and time
decapitatin' evil doers
and buryin' their heads
in her space garden.
Well, uh..
I'm gonna go and
prepare a sales pitch
that'll make his
double chins drop.
Millionaires love throwing
money at these shindigs
and I just love
being the target.
Hey, Shawshank!
One wedding gift, signed,
sealed... and delivered.
‐ Oh. ‐ Well, Max,
you shouldn't have.
Oh, yeah, she should have.
"Congratulations.."
"on passing the bar?"
Passing the bar, jump
the broom, what's the diff?
Oh, look at this.
There's a check here for..
W‐well, Max,
y‐you failed to fill out
the amount on this check.
Well, I just thought I'd
leave that up to you two kids.
Mmm. Okay.
How cheap am I now, Khadijah?
And you have exactly seven
minutes to pitch your proposal
to Mr. Knight which by
the looks of your resume
should leave six
minutes for small talk.
Good looks and a sense of humor.
Aren't you a find?
Okay, listen, God.
Um, I‐I really need
a miracle here, okay?
So, please get me this job.
Please get me this job.
‐ Miss Hunter? ‐ Uh!
I'm Dexter Knight.
You're Dexter K‐Knight?
Oh, wait a minute,
wait, I‐I saw you
on the cover of, of
"Fortune" and you were..
Uh, were... husky.
Please, I made the nutty
professor look skinny.
But thanks to Oprah's chef
and a few million
miles on a treadmill
I've managed to
shed a few pounds.
Um, looks like you
held on to the right ones.
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to say that.
No, I mean, I meant to say it.
I just didn't mean for
it to come out that..
Can we start over?
Hey, I'm flattered.
Before I lost the weight,
the closest I ever got
to a compliment was.
"Damn, man, you can
really put away that fudge."
So, um... shall we
discuss the party?
The party.
The party, yes.
The party. Ahem.
You are hosting a
fundraiser for CHUMA.
"Children of Harlem's
Underfed Minds Association."
Well, you've done your homework.
Well, you don't hear
a word like CHUMA
without trying to figure
out what the hell it means.
It's my pet charity.
We fund education and resources
like the Schomburg Centre.
I love the Schomburg.
I was just there last
week for a poetry reading.
"In secret we met,
in silence I grieve.
"That thy heart could
forget, thy spirit deceive.
And if I should meet
thee after long years.."
"How should I greet thee?
In silence and tears."
That's my favorite poem.
Mine too.
You know, one day..
When I was in the fourth grade
I actually shared
it with my class.
I got an A in English.
And I got my butt kicked
all over the playground.
You know, nobody
understood me either.
So, I created imaginary worlds
like Barbie's
dream villa in Italy.
Of course, the gutters of
East Orange had to double
for the canals of Venice.
I love Venice.
You, you've been to Italy?
No. But, uh, I have a closet
full of Ferragamo pumps.
Yoo‐hoo, Mr. Knight.
Linda Davis is here.
She coordinated
the Jackie O auction.
I heard the chicken wings
were scrawny and cold.
Mabel..
Have Linda wait.
Of course.
Half the people
bidding on this event
don't give a damn
about the charity.
They're just in it
for a big payday.
Uh, leeches.
I am committed to CHUMA.
In fact, I would take
15% off of the lowest bid
so that more money
can go to those kids.
Miss Hunter, I like
your enthusiasm.
Not to mention your style.
You have got the job.
Really?
Just make sure
those chicken wings
aren't scrawny and cold.
Thank you.
Thank you very much,
Mr. Right. K‐Knight!
Please, call me Dexter.
‐ Dexter. ‐ Yeah.
And you may call me Regine.
Thank you.
Hey, you can call me
Nay‐Nay if you want.
‐ "Nay‐Nay." ‐ Mm‐hmm.
Charming name.
It is now.
Ooh!
‐ Blank check from Max. ‐ Mmm.
Girl, I feel like we just
won a Kentucky derby.
Giddy up, mama.
And what did we say
we'd do if we won?
‐ Go to Africa! ‐ Go to Africa!
Aha! Aha!
I've always dreamed of
driving across the Serengeti.
Zumbale‐baboole.
Hah! Shirt open
from the hell‐like heat.
Perspiration just
glistening, glistening.
Hoombalu. Hoombalu.
Ooh.
Star, I've got the
travel agent's number
on speed dial. Let's go.
Oh, slow your roll, King Tut.
Now, if we take advantage of Max
she'll never give
us another gift.
Look here, mama.
This right here is
the mountaintop.
Kilimanjaro.
I say, we get while
the gettin's good.
Okay, fine.
You write down a number.
I write down a number.
We get the average,
put it on the check, okay?
Go. Go.
Oh, Obie, look at this,
we wrote the same number
except mine doesn't
have all those zeros after it.
You guys.
Do you believe in
love at first sight?
Is this about that fat guy
Khadijah was telling me about?
Dexter happens to
have lost a 150 pounds
and is fine as he wanna be.
I'm telling you,
man, it was like..
It was like Romeo and Juliet.
Like, like Maria and
Tony in "Westside Story."
Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman."
‐ Y‐yes! ‐ Yes!
She was a hooker.
Okay, so, she has a
real career and you don't.
Did I mention that
I also got the job?
If I ace this party, you guys..
I‐I c.. I could be planning
a wedding of my own.
Would you be my maid of honor?
Uh‐uh.
Ain't wearing none
of those fugly dresses.
Oh, right.
The budget for
the party came in.
Yours truly sealed the
deal by promising to beat
the lowest bid by 15%.
Wait a minute, this..
This can't, this can't be.
This, this budget isn't
enough to host 50 people
let alone a hundred.
Two words.
Trail mix.
Shut up!
You guys, thanks
to this little screw up
Dexter, Dexter might
lose all respect for me.
Now, how is he gonna
love me after that?
Love? Regine, you're trippin'.
You know the rats in the alley
better than you know this man.
You know what? Now, looks
like I may never know him.
You know, maybe Regine Hunter
is just meant to
die an old maid.
Why should she be any
different from the rest of us?
Regine, cut the drama.
I mean, there's gotta be a
way you can do this party.
Yeah, I could do a great
party for a 100 people.
It's just that 80 of them
won't be able to eat or drink.
Oh, man, if I tell Dexter
that I can't make the budget
he'll think I'm an amateur.
Or worse, a scheming diva.
Regine, you are a scheming diva.
You know..
You know that all my life
I've done whatever it
takes to get the man.
Mm‐hmm.
But with Dexter, I
was completely honest.
He'd ask me if I'd
ever been to Italy.
Now, you know, I
have a dozen patented
responses to that question.
Some of which have me
descended from Venetian royalty.
But what did I tell him? "No."
And get this!
I said he could call me Nay‐Nay.
Damn, girl.
You are sprung.
What am I gonna do?
Okay, Regine, I would never
give anybody this advice.
Ever.
Lie, girl! Lie!
Y‐you dig deep into
that diva bag of tricks
pull out the biggest, baddest
trick and go get that man.
‐ I can't use that bag
on him. ‐ Come on.
‐ Just one more time. ‐ Mm‐mmm.
Look, if it works, you'll have
the rest of your life
to make it up to him.
Of course, there
is always Russell.
I guess I could come up
with a little some‐something.
Sure you could.
Yeah. I could, I could make
the hors d'oeuvres myself.
Now, you're talking.
‐ I can get you to help
serve. ‐ Now, you trippin'.
Hold the trays high and
walk as fast as you can.
If anybody catches
you they're only allowed
one shrimp per person.
So remember their faces. Go.
Uh, you guys, thank you
so much for helping out.
It's nice to know that
I've got two friends
who care enough to just pitch in
out of the goodness
of their hearts.
In your dreams.
I'm here to meet Spike Lee.
Yeah. My baby's got a
great idea for his next film.
Mo' Better Synclaire.
Yeah, and I'm
gonna audition for him
and serve him this
flaky salmon I found.
Here, knock yourself out..
This salmon is the
only one that I have
and it is for Dexter.
Anybody touches it,
they draw back notes.
Regine, the party is a big hit.
Oh, yes. She's a dynamic woman.
And a wonderful boss.
Yeah. Anyway, look here.
I got a idea for a
new video game, right.
Take a cyber hammer
and you hit a cyber nail.
Sometimes you hit it.
Sometimes you miss.
Think about it.
Uh, Dexter, how about
a little nibble, huh?
Specially prepared by moi.
Hm, all low fat and
low cholesterol, huh?
Really looking after
my heart, aren't you?
Caught me.
Knight..
‐ Senator Mason
has arrived. ‐ Oh.
Thank you, Mabel.
Senator Mason is one of
CHUMA's primary supporters.
And the harder you
laugh at all his lame jokes
the bigger his donation.
Hey. Hey.
You cannot crash this party.
Two invites.
Courtesy of the
public defender's office.
And guess what?
I haven't eaten a thing all day.
Hey, waiter, put the
brakes on that shrimp tray.
Come here.
Oh! Khadijah,
she's gonna ruin me.
I bought enough food
for a party, not a country.
Just relax. Relax.
I'm here to control her.
Oh, liar.
You're here to meet men.
Oh, that too. And
it is time to shop.
That old man is shopping too.
Wrong store, homie.
Right, here's Max.
Let's tell her we finally agreed
to an amount for her check.
Hey, people.
Now, when you decide
on an amount for that check
you let me know. Alright?
Because whatever
is left in the account
is going to the little
CHUMA children.
Mm‐hmm. God bless
those little rugrats.
Alright, see you all later.
Hello, foxy lady.
You wanna cha‐cha‐cha?
I just got my new hip.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Um, I'm still on
the list for mine.
Senator Mason
I would like you to
meet Regine Hunter.
The extraordinary
woman behind this event.
A pleasure, Miss Hunter.
You know, Dexter, I'm a
little sad at your weight loss.
He used to be so big I could
count on him for two votes.
No! Stop!
So, Miss Hunter tells me you
were the personal bartender
for the Kennedy
family for 15 years.
‐ She told you that? ‐ Mm‐hmm.
Um, well, that's, uh, highly
confidential information.
Now, I've got to go kill her.
Okay. Look, look, look,
now. What's up with you guys?
You all have been
catcalling me all night.
And don't think I didn't feel
that little pinch on my ass.
We didn't mean any harm.
I mean, you know, you remind
me of a real young Pearl Bailey.
‐ Me? ‐ 'Yes.'
I remind you of Pearly Mae?
‐ Pearly Mae. ‐ Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, she was a babe.
You know, you know
seeing you takes us back
to the day when we had game.
Game.
Listen, would you sing
"Hello, Dolly," for us?
Oh, oh, come on. I couldn't.
I mean..
Please, I mean..
I just, I couldn't..
♪ Hello Dolly well hello Dolly ♪
♪ It's so nice to be back
home where I belong ♪
♪ You're lookin' swell.. ♪
Uh, I‐I have no idea
who that floozy is
but she is out of here.
No‐no‐no, no, no, no!
Those old men are rich.
She shows a little leg and
we can send the CHUMA kids
to camp in the south of France.
Did I mention that that
songbird is my roommate?
Bring it on home, honey!
♪ Dolly'll never go away ♪
♪ Dolly'll never go away ♪
♪ Dolly'll never go
away again yeah ♪
Keyshawn Johnson.
Damn, you a mad cutie.
You a Pearl Bailey fan?
I could be if I can
get a date with you.
Well..
In that case we
can get out of here
go get something to eat.
Let's go.
Excuse me. I'd like
your attention, please.
I would like to thank
everybody for coming.
There is good grub, good drink
and good reason to
open up those wallets.
So, let's get to it!
Give me that!
No!
You okay?
Ah! Yeah, I'm fine.
I‐I'm fine, everybody.
Thanks.
You sacrificed
that dress for me.
Uh, it's okay. It was 20% off.
Damn! I'm getting so honest.
Even with that stain you
are a beautiful woman.
I gotta tell you something.
Um, I‐I had to
cut a lot of corners
to pull this thing off.
Um, cheap champagne,
bulk produce.
One lonely little salmon filet.
You knew?
My first clue was the
fine crystal that said.
"Made in Tijuana."
Okay, well, then, I guess, uh
me and my stain will
just be up out of here.
No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous.
You pulled off this
incredible event
for the children.
Oh, well, I‐I didn't do
it just for the children.
I wanted to impress you.
Mission accomplished.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Mr. Knight. Whoa!
This woman is a fraud.
Look, she disguised
this cheap swill..
With an expensive label.
Too late, Evilina. He knows.
Well, in that case..
Welcome to our lives.
Now, where were we, Nay‐Nay?
Right here.
Woo‐hoo.
one of our wedding
gifts is, uh, missing.
Obviously, you should've
been watching the gift table
instead of Desmond
Howard's MVP behind.
Excuse you!
But I have never ever
misplaced a wedding gift.
Even after that little
melee at Darrell's wedding
when his trampy bride
swapped spit with the best man.
Oh, Obie, how're we
ever gonna break it to Max
that we lost her gift?
What, Max?
Oh, girl, please, now you know
that cow is too
cheap to buy a gift.
Yeah, don't you
remember that Christmas
she wrapped up our
toaster and gave it to you.
That's right. And there
was still a Pop Tart in it, girl.
I'm still gonna have
a little chat with girly.
Many times as she
rolled up on the buffet
she should've gave
us three or four gifts.
I mean, Khadijah, the
girl took home a ham.
Now, hold up, Obie.
Now, y.. You can't
go at Max head‐on.
You‐you'll get nothing.
You've got to
handle this delicately.
Max, I can't believe
you're too damn cheap
to buy them a wedding gift.
Excuse you.
I would never forget
my dear friends.
I just forgot to
give it to them.
I'll go get it now.
Back off the toaster, Shaw!
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey‐y‐y ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh in a 90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue ♪
♪ It's tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want ♪
♪ No free position ♪
♪ Ha‐aa ♪
Ooh, man.
I mean, this is amazing what
you have done with this place.
Now can you undo it so our
place don't look like such a dump?
Fabulous news, kids.
My new business
cards have arrived.
So, if you meet
anyone rich or famous
you can help me get into
their hearts and their wallets.
And I'll be sure to tell them
about that, uh, couscous
you made for our wedding.
Mm‐hmm. Tasted like
some boujee grits to me.
"Formal event
planning by Regine.
"Specializing in
corporate parties, birthdays
and bar mitzvahs."
What?
Oh, please, after
the religious part
it's just a kids' party with
a rabbi instead of a clown.
Oh, and anyway, I got a
great lead on this fundraiser
being thrown by Dexter Knight.
Oh, Dexter Knight.
That's the brother that invented
the first black video game.
‐ "Pacman in the hood." ‐ Mmm.
You know, he's big.
He's big alright.
About 300 pounds.
You guys see him on
the cover of "Fortune?"
Front and back.
Come on, now.
Cut the man some slack.
'Cause, you know, he
invented my favorite video game.
"Kricsa, Female Warrior."
See, she travels
through all space and time
decapitatin' evil doers
and buryin' their heads
in her space garden.
Well, uh..
I'm gonna go and
prepare a sales pitch
that'll make his
double chins drop.
Millionaires love throwing
money at these shindigs
and I just love
being the target.
Hey, Shawshank!
One wedding gift, signed,
sealed... and delivered.
‐ Oh. ‐ Well, Max,
you shouldn't have.
Oh, yeah, she should have.
"Congratulations.."
"on passing the bar?"
Passing the bar, jump
the broom, what's the diff?
Oh, look at this.
There's a check here for..
W‐well, Max,
y‐you failed to fill out
the amount on this check.
Well, I just thought I'd
leave that up to you two kids.
Mmm. Okay.
How cheap am I now, Khadijah?
And you have exactly seven
minutes to pitch your proposal
to Mr. Knight which by
the looks of your resume
should leave six
minutes for small talk.
Good looks and a sense of humor.
Aren't you a find?
Okay, listen, God.
Um, I‐I really need
a miracle here, okay?
So, please get me this job.
Please get me this job.
‐ Miss Hunter? ‐ Uh!
I'm Dexter Knight.
You're Dexter K‐Knight?
Oh, wait a minute,
wait, I‐I saw you
on the cover of, of
"Fortune" and you were..
Uh, were... husky.
Please, I made the nutty
professor look skinny.
But thanks to Oprah's chef
and a few million
miles on a treadmill
I've managed to
shed a few pounds.
Um, looks like you
held on to the right ones.
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to say that.
No, I mean, I meant to say it.
I just didn't mean for
it to come out that..
Can we start over?
Hey, I'm flattered.
Before I lost the weight,
the closest I ever got
to a compliment was.
"Damn, man, you can
really put away that fudge."
So, um... shall we
discuss the party?
The party.
The party, yes.
The party. Ahem.
You are hosting a
fundraiser for CHUMA.
"Children of Harlem's
Underfed Minds Association."
Well, you've done your homework.
Well, you don't hear
a word like CHUMA
without trying to figure
out what the hell it means.
It's my pet charity.
We fund education and resources
like the Schomburg Centre.
I love the Schomburg.
I was just there last
week for a poetry reading.
"In secret we met,
in silence I grieve.
"That thy heart could
forget, thy spirit deceive.
And if I should meet
thee after long years.."
"How should I greet thee?
In silence and tears."
That's my favorite poem.
Mine too.
You know, one day..
When I was in the fourth grade
I actually shared
it with my class.
I got an A in English.
And I got my butt kicked
all over the playground.
You know, nobody
understood me either.
So, I created imaginary worlds
like Barbie's
dream villa in Italy.
Of course, the gutters of
East Orange had to double
for the canals of Venice.
I love Venice.
You, you've been to Italy?
No. But, uh, I have a closet
full of Ferragamo pumps.
Yoo‐hoo, Mr. Knight.
Linda Davis is here.
She coordinated
the Jackie O auction.
I heard the chicken wings
were scrawny and cold.
Mabel..
Have Linda wait.
Of course.
Half the people
bidding on this event
don't give a damn
about the charity.
They're just in it
for a big payday.
Uh, leeches.
I am committed to CHUMA.
In fact, I would take
15% off of the lowest bid
so that more money
can go to those kids.
Miss Hunter, I like
your enthusiasm.
Not to mention your style.
You have got the job.
Really?
Just make sure
those chicken wings
aren't scrawny and cold.
Thank you.
Thank you very much,
Mr. Right. K‐Knight!
Please, call me Dexter.
‐ Dexter. ‐ Yeah.
And you may call me Regine.
Thank you.
Hey, you can call me
Nay‐Nay if you want.
‐ "Nay‐Nay." ‐ Mm‐hmm.
Charming name.
It is now.
Ooh!
‐ Blank check from Max. ‐ Mmm.
Girl, I feel like we just
won a Kentucky derby.
Giddy up, mama.
And what did we say
we'd do if we won?
‐ Go to Africa! ‐ Go to Africa!
Aha! Aha!
I've always dreamed of
driving across the Serengeti.
Zumbale‐baboole.
Hah! Shirt open
from the hell‐like heat.
Perspiration just
glistening, glistening.
Hoombalu. Hoombalu.
Ooh.
Star, I've got the
travel agent's number
on speed dial. Let's go.
Oh, slow your roll, King Tut.
Now, if we take advantage of Max
she'll never give
us another gift.
Look here, mama.
This right here is
the mountaintop.
Kilimanjaro.
I say, we get while
the gettin's good.
Okay, fine.
You write down a number.
I write down a number.
We get the average,
put it on the check, okay?
Go. Go.
Oh, Obie, look at this,
we wrote the same number
except mine doesn't
have all those zeros after it.
You guys.
Do you believe in
love at first sight?
Is this about that fat guy
Khadijah was telling me about?
Dexter happens to
have lost a 150 pounds
and is fine as he wanna be.
I'm telling you,
man, it was like..
It was like Romeo and Juliet.
Like, like Maria and
Tony in "Westside Story."
Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman."
‐ Y‐yes! ‐ Yes!
She was a hooker.
Okay, so, she has a
real career and you don't.
Did I mention that
I also got the job?
If I ace this party, you guys..
I‐I c.. I could be planning
a wedding of my own.
Would you be my maid of honor?
Uh‐uh.
Ain't wearing none
of those fugly dresses.
Oh, right.
The budget for
the party came in.
Yours truly sealed the
deal by promising to beat
the lowest bid by 15%.
Wait a minute, this..
This can't, this can't be.
This, this budget isn't
enough to host 50 people
let alone a hundred.
Two words.
Trail mix.
Shut up!
You guys, thanks
to this little screw up
Dexter, Dexter might
lose all respect for me.
Now, how is he gonna
love me after that?
Love? Regine, you're trippin'.
You know the rats in the alley
better than you know this man.
You know what? Now, looks
like I may never know him.
You know, maybe Regine Hunter
is just meant to
die an old maid.
Why should she be any
different from the rest of us?
Regine, cut the drama.
I mean, there's gotta be a
way you can do this party.
Yeah, I could do a great
party for a 100 people.
It's just that 80 of them
won't be able to eat or drink.
Oh, man, if I tell Dexter
that I can't make the budget
he'll think I'm an amateur.
Or worse, a scheming diva.
Regine, you are a scheming diva.
You know..
You know that all my life
I've done whatever it
takes to get the man.
Mm‐hmm.
But with Dexter, I
was completely honest.
He'd ask me if I'd
ever been to Italy.
Now, you know, I
have a dozen patented
responses to that question.
Some of which have me
descended from Venetian royalty.
But what did I tell him? "No."
And get this!
I said he could call me Nay‐Nay.
Damn, girl.
You are sprung.
What am I gonna do?
Okay, Regine, I would never
give anybody this advice.
Ever.
Lie, girl! Lie!
Y‐you dig deep into
that diva bag of tricks
pull out the biggest, baddest
trick and go get that man.
‐ I can't use that bag
on him. ‐ Come on.
‐ Just one more time. ‐ Mm‐mmm.
Look, if it works, you'll have
the rest of your life
to make it up to him.
Of course, there
is always Russell.
I guess I could come up
with a little some‐something.
Sure you could.
Yeah. I could, I could make
the hors d'oeuvres myself.
Now, you're talking.
‐ I can get you to help
serve. ‐ Now, you trippin'.
Hold the trays high and
walk as fast as you can.
If anybody catches
you they're only allowed
one shrimp per person.
So remember their faces. Go.
Uh, you guys, thank you
so much for helping out.
It's nice to know that
I've got two friends
who care enough to just pitch in
out of the goodness
of their hearts.
In your dreams.
I'm here to meet Spike Lee.
Yeah. My baby's got a
great idea for his next film.
Mo' Better Synclaire.
Yeah, and I'm
gonna audition for him
and serve him this
flaky salmon I found.
Here, knock yourself out..
This salmon is the
only one that I have
and it is for Dexter.
Anybody touches it,
they draw back notes.
Regine, the party is a big hit.
Oh, yes. She's a dynamic woman.
And a wonderful boss.
Yeah. Anyway, look here.
I got a idea for a
new video game, right.
Take a cyber hammer
and you hit a cyber nail.
Sometimes you hit it.
Sometimes you miss.
Think about it.
Uh, Dexter, how about
a little nibble, huh?
Specially prepared by moi.
Hm, all low fat and
low cholesterol, huh?
Really looking after
my heart, aren't you?
Caught me.
Knight..
‐ Senator Mason
has arrived. ‐ Oh.
Thank you, Mabel.
Senator Mason is one of
CHUMA's primary supporters.
And the harder you
laugh at all his lame jokes
the bigger his donation.
Hey. Hey.
You cannot crash this party.
Two invites.
Courtesy of the
public defender's office.
And guess what?
I haven't eaten a thing all day.
Hey, waiter, put the
brakes on that shrimp tray.
Come here.
Oh! Khadijah,
she's gonna ruin me.
I bought enough food
for a party, not a country.
Just relax. Relax.
I'm here to control her.
Oh, liar.
You're here to meet men.
Oh, that too. And
it is time to shop.
That old man is shopping too.
Wrong store, homie.
Right, here's Max.
Let's tell her we finally agreed
to an amount for her check.
Hey, people.
Now, when you decide
on an amount for that check
you let me know. Alright?
Because whatever
is left in the account
is going to the little
CHUMA children.
Mm‐hmm. God bless
those little rugrats.
Alright, see you all later.
Hello, foxy lady.
You wanna cha‐cha‐cha?
I just got my new hip.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Um, I'm still on
the list for mine.
Senator Mason
I would like you to
meet Regine Hunter.
The extraordinary
woman behind this event.
A pleasure, Miss Hunter.
You know, Dexter, I'm a
little sad at your weight loss.
He used to be so big I could
count on him for two votes.
No! Stop!
So, Miss Hunter tells me you
were the personal bartender
for the Kennedy
family for 15 years.
‐ She told you that? ‐ Mm‐hmm.
Um, well, that's, uh, highly
confidential information.
Now, I've got to go kill her.
Okay. Look, look, look,
now. What's up with you guys?
You all have been
catcalling me all night.
And don't think I didn't feel
that little pinch on my ass.
We didn't mean any harm.
I mean, you know, you remind
me of a real young Pearl Bailey.
‐ Me? ‐ 'Yes.'
I remind you of Pearly Mae?
‐ Pearly Mae. ‐ Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, she was a babe.
You know, you know
seeing you takes us back
to the day when we had game.
Game.
Listen, would you sing
"Hello, Dolly," for us?
Oh, oh, come on. I couldn't.
I mean..
Please, I mean..
I just, I couldn't..
♪ Hello Dolly well hello Dolly ♪
♪ It's so nice to be back
home where I belong ♪
♪ You're lookin' swell.. ♪
Uh, I‐I have no idea
who that floozy is
but she is out of here.
No‐no‐no, no, no, no!
Those old men are rich.
She shows a little leg and
we can send the CHUMA kids
to camp in the south of France.
Did I mention that that
songbird is my roommate?
Bring it on home, honey!
♪ Dolly'll never go away ♪
♪ Dolly'll never go away ♪
♪ Dolly'll never go
away again yeah ♪
Keyshawn Johnson.
Damn, you a mad cutie.
You a Pearl Bailey fan?
I could be if I can
get a date with you.
Well..
In that case we
can get out of here
go get something to eat.
Let's go.
Excuse me. I'd like
your attention, please.
I would like to thank
everybody for coming.
There is good grub, good drink
and good reason to
open up those wallets.
So, let's get to it!
Give me that!
No!
You okay?
Ah! Yeah, I'm fine.
I‐I'm fine, everybody.
Thanks.
You sacrificed
that dress for me.
Uh, it's okay. It was 20% off.
Damn! I'm getting so honest.
Even with that stain you
are a beautiful woman.
I gotta tell you something.
Um, I‐I had to
cut a lot of corners
to pull this thing off.
Um, cheap champagne,
bulk produce.
One lonely little salmon filet.
You knew?
My first clue was the
fine crystal that said.
"Made in Tijuana."
Okay, well, then, I guess, uh
me and my stain will
just be up out of here.
No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous.
You pulled off this
incredible event
for the children.
Oh, well, I‐I didn't do
it just for the children.
I wanted to impress you.
Mission accomplished.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Mr. Knight. Whoa!
This woman is a fraud.
Look, she disguised
this cheap swill..
With an expensive label.
Too late, Evilina. He knows.
Well, in that case..
Welcome to our lives.
Now, where were we, Nay‐Nay?
Right here.
Woo‐hoo.