Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 4 - Not So Silent Partner - full transcript
8:00 A. M. AND YOU'RE
NOT IN MAKEUP YET?
OKAY, EITHER YOU'RE DEPRESSED
OR THAT TRANSVESTITE BURGLAR'S
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AGAIN.
CAN'T I LET ME PORES BREATHE
WITHOUT RAISING AN EYEBROW?
KHADIJAH, HER FACE
IS THE SAME COLOR
AS THE REST OF HER.
SOMETHING IS AMISS.
REGINE, IF YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO GET UP
AND FIX ME BREAKFAST
AT LEAST GIVE ME TEN
BUCKS TO GO TO THE DENNY'S.
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG? WOO‐WOO?
I'M JUST A LITTLE DOWN, OKAY?
EVER SINCE KEITH AND I BROKE
UP, I HAVEN'T MET ANYBODY DECENT
AND AFTER AMERICA'S
SWEETHEARTS, DUKE AND DENNY
LEFT MY SOAP OPERA, THE
RATINGS HAVE DROPPED SO LOW
THERE'S TALK OF LAYOFFS.
AND DON'T FORGET YOUR
BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING SO LOUD
I CAN HEAR IT OVER AT MY PLACE.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO
OVER THERE AND LISTEN TO IT?!
NOW, WHAT ABOUT THAT CUTE GUY
YOU MET AT THE BANK
THIS WEEK‐‐ BRIAN?
YEAH, IT TURNS OUT HE
WAS CASING THE JOINT.
HE HELD IT UP THE NEXT DAY.
WELL, HE GOT MONEY.
LISTEN, AS FAR AS LOSING
YOUR JOB IS CONCERNED
THOSE ARE JUST SHOW BIZ RUMORS.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
YESTERDAY, THEY
FIRED ALL THE WRITERS
AND TOLD THE ACTORS TO WING IT.
PEOPLE ACTUALLY WRITE THAT CRAP?
MAYBE YOU DO HAVE GOOD
REASON TO FEEL DOWN
BUT WHENEVER I FEEL THAT WAY
I REACH INTO MY BAG FOR
TWO LITTLE ROUND PICK‐ME‐UPS.
SYNCLAIRE, SINCE
WHEN DO WE DO DRUGS?
NO‐‐ WIND CHIME EARRINGS.
TRY THEM ON.
ALL RIGHT... WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I'M DIZZY.
NOW YOU KNOW JUST ONE OF
MY SECRETS TO STAYING HAPPY.
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
♪ HEY ♪
♪ SINGLE ♪
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
♪ MY HOMEGIRL
STANDING TO MY LEFT ♪
♪ AND MY RIGHT ♪
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
Captioning sponsored by FOX
BROADCASTING COMPANY
THINK ABOUT IT.
IF MAJESTIC PUBLISHING
PURCHASED A SMALL
PERCENTAGE OF FLAVOR.
YOU COULD DOUBLE YOUR READERSHIP
PUBLISH TWICE A MONTH.
WE ALSO OFFER AN
EXCELLENT BENEFITS PACKAGE
INCLUDING MENTAL HEALTH
AND, OF COURSE, THERE'S
NEVER, EVER A DRESS CODE
NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK.
THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE
INTERESTED IN FLAVOR.
IS BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE RIP‐OFF
MAGAZINE WENT DOWN THE TOILET.
NOW, SAVOR DID NOT
GO DOWN THE TOILET.
MAJESTIC JUST USED
THE FIRST 10,000 ISSUES
TO KICK OFF OUR NEW
RECYCLING PROGRAM.
YOU CAN KEEP SWEATING
ME. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY "YES."
KHADIJAH, MY FATHER,
JEREMY MILLS III
TAUGHT ME TWO THINGS‐‐
NEVER GIVE UP;
NEVER GIVE UP.
HE HAD A SHORT‐TERM
MEMORY PROBLEM.
AND JUST IN CASE
YOU INHERITED IT
GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK
AND BY THE WAY, GET
OUT AND DON'T COME BACK.
IVAN, IS SOMETHING
WRONG WITH YOUR NECK?
MY SUBWAY TOKEN ROLLED
UNDER THE PHOTOCOPIER.
I TRIED TO LIFT IT AND
SOMETHING POPPED.
IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I USE
MY NECK TO HOLD UP MY HEAD.
SEE THAT, BOSS LADY?
MAJESTIC'S HEALTH PLAN
WOULD FIX IVAN'S NECK.
AND PAY FOR SOME SURGERY
I WANT ONE OF MY
GIRLFRIENDS TO HAVE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN A BIG COMPANY
BUYS PART OF A LITTLE ONE?
YOU GET A HEALTH
PLAN? AND RAISES?
AND GIANT PECAN SANDIES WITH
YOUR NAMES WRITTEN ON THEM.
WAIT A MINUTE.
ALONG WITH ALL THE GOOD STUFF
YOU GET A BUNCH
OF CORPORATE RULES.
YOU CALL FOR A PERSONAL DAY
FROM JAMAICA, YOU GET FIRED.
YOU ASK YOUR BOSS
TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN
YOU GET SUED.
YOU BRING A DAMNED
HAMSTER TO WORK
YOU'RE GETTING SUSPENDED.
BUT... BUT ROBESPIERRE
GETS SO LONELY AT HOME.
KHADIJAH, I GOT A JOB
OFFER FROM ROLLING STONE.
AND I'M TEMPTED TO TAKE IT.
RUSSELL, YOU LISTEN TO
MUSIC AND YOU COMMENT ON IT.
YOU'RE LIKE A
JAMAICAN DICK CLARK.
WHY IS IT WHENEVER
I THINK I GOT YOU
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
LIKE A GOAT HEAD?
'CAUSE I'M SMARTER THAN YOU.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO HIRED HER.
SPEAK, ROBESPIERRE. SPEAK.
OH. I THINK I SEE THE PROBLEM.
YOU'VE BEEN DEPRECIATING
YOUR COPIER FOR FOUR YEARS
WHEN LEGALLY, YOU CAN
ONLY DO IT FOR THREE.
I OWE THE GOVERNMENT ANOTHER
"G" ON TOP OF ALL MY OTHER DEBTS?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO PAY MY STAFF?
I WIELD A PEN, NOT
A MAGIC WAND, BABY.
REGINE, ISN'T IT A
GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE?
IT'S RAINING AND I HAVE GAS.
WELL, RAIN MAKES
THE FLOWERS GROW
AND GAS MEANS PEOPLE LEAVE
YOU ALONE SO YOU CAN REST.
OKAY, MY CHERUBIC CHEERLEADER
HERE'S THE BOX O' HAPPY
THINGS YOU USE TO CHEER ME UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WOULD HAVE DONE
WITHOUT THAT ON
THAT TERRIBLE TUESDAY.
OVERTON, THE BROWNS ARE
NOW THE BALTIMORE RAVENS.
LET IT GO.
TAKE YOUR PICK‐‐
WE GOT ENERGIZING
CRYSTALS AND INCENSE.
OOH! A CANDY APPLE.
STAY AWAY FROM THAT CANDY APPLE.
I USED IT TO KNOCK A COUPLE
DENTS OUT OF THE VAN.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
EACH POST‐IT HAS AN
INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE
YOU CAN STICK WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
"HOT DOG. I'M SPENDING THE
DAY WITH MY BEST FRIEND‐‐ ME."
LET ME WRITE ONE
FOR YOU RIGHT QUICK.
ALL RIGHT.
OH!
WELL, REGINE, WHERE AM I
SUPPOSED TO STICK THIS?
HERE'S YOUR TEA, KHADIJAH.
THIS PUPPY'S
LOOKING A LITTLE WEAK.
THAT'S 'CAUSE WE'RE
OUT OF PETTY CASH.
THAT THERE IS THE
COMPANY TEA BAG.
I KNOW THINGS HAVE BEEN
KIND OF TIGHT AROUND HERE
BUT I PROMISE, IN THE FUTURE
I AM MAKING ALL KINDS
OF IMPROVEMENTS.
I'M PULLING FOR YOU, KHADIJAH.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME
I GOT TO GET THIS TO
THE BOYS IN THE BACK.
WHO TOOK THE LEMON WEDGE?!
AT LEAST THINK ABOUT LETTING
MAJESTIC INVEST IN FLAVOR.
THIS MONTH, WE HAD SO MANY BILLS
WE ALMOST DIDN'T
GET THE ISSUE OUT.
BUT WE DID GET IT OUT
'CAUSE I JUGGLED A
COUPLE OF THOSE BILLS
AND I SOLD A CAPITAL ASSET.
WHAT'S A CAPITAL ASSET?
DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE
THE PHOTOCOPIER WENT?
BOSS LADY, THE DONKEY
DROPPINGS HAVE HIT THE FAN!
THE PRINTER CAN'T
DO THIS MONTH'S ISSUE.
WHY NOT? I PAID THE BILL.
NO, NO. A PIPE BROKE
AND THE PRINT SHOP IS FLOODED.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THE
RECEPTIONIST LOOKS
QUITE PERKY IN A WET T‐SHIRT.
IF WE DON'T GET THE ISSUE OUT
HOW DO WE GET PAID?
I'VE GOT TO GET MY MONEY, MAN.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, MON.
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY.
THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC.
IF KHADIJAH DOESN'T
SOLVE THE CRISIS
I'LL LAND ON MY FEET
AT ROLLING STONE.
AND DON'T WORRY‐‐
ONCE I'M COCK OF THE WALK
I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER
SOME OF YOUR NAMES.
HEY, HEY. LOOK,
LOOK, LOOK, PEOPLE.
NOW, I'VE ALWAYS GOTTEN
US THROUGH TROUBLE BEFORE
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF ANYONE IN THIS ROOM
DOESN'T HAVE FAITH IN ME
FEEL FREE TO PICK UP THE
PHONE AND LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB.
PUT DOWN THE DAMN PHONES!
IF YOU NEED A REFERENCE,
THEY CAN CALL ME, GIRL.
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A JOB.
I'M SELLING MY SOUL.
YES, JEREMY MILLS, PLEASE.
JEREMY, THIS IS KHADIJAH JAMES.
IS YOUR HUGE, FACELESS
COMPANY STILL INTERESTED
IN BUYING A PIECE
OF MY MAGAZINE?
OOH, MAN, I LOVE AMERICA.
I SELL A QUARTER OF MY MAGAZINE
AND I GET NEW
COMPUTERS, NEW FURNITURE.
OH, MAN, I EVEN GOT MY NEW DOOR!
SEE, I CAN GO
IN... I CAN GO OUT.
IN, OUT... I CAN JUST
CHILL IN THE DOORWAY.
I LOVE EVERYTHING
EXCEPT FOR THAT STUPID
CAPPUCCINO MACHINE.
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S NOT GOING
TO BE ANYTHING BUT TROUBLE.
DON'T GET YOUR
KNICKERS IN A KNOT.
HOW CAN A CAPPUCCINO
MACHINE BE TROUBLE?
KHADIJAH, I PROMISE I'LL
GET STARTED ON MY ARTICLE
AS SOON AS I FINISH MY
SECOND CUP OF BAVARIAN MOCHA.
EH, EH, FORGOT MY BISCOTTI.
YOU DRESS HER UP
IN A BRAND‐NEW DESK
AND SHE STILL WON'T WORK.
I BOUGHT THIS INSPIRATIONAL
BOOK FOR REGINE.
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU MOLDY
BREAD, MAKE PENICILLIN.
RUSSELL, I GOT TO THANK YOU
TO HIPPING ME TO BISCOTTI, MAN.
I MEAN, THEY TASTE GREAT AND
YOU CAN'T TELL WHEN THEY STALE.
DON'T THANK ME.
THANK JEREMY, HUH?
THREE CHEERS TO THE NEW
CAPTAIN OF OUR DESTINY.
JEREMY! JEREMY! COME, JEREMY!
JEREMY! COME, JEREMY! JEREMY!
PLEASE, EVERYONE, PLEASE.
THANK YOU, RUSSELL,
BUT, PLEASE...
KHADIJAH IS YOUR LEADER.
I AM MERELY A CORPORATE LIAISON
WHOSE JOB IS TO HELP, NOT HINDER
TO LISTEN, NOT SPEAK.
AS YOUR LEADER, I
PLANNED A SPECIAL...
UH, JUST ONE MORE THING.
NOW, EVERYONE
PLEASE KEEP IN MIND
THAT ALL FINAL DECISIONS
REST WITH KHADIJAH‐‐
EXCEPT FOR ONE DECISION THAT
I'VE ALREADY MADE ON MY OWN.
AS OF TODAY
ALL EMPLOYEES HAVE
FULL MEDICAL BENEFITS.
RESPECT, RESPECT.
HEY, AND I ORDERED
PIZZA PIES FOR EVERYBODY.
WELL, NOW THAT'S
CERTAINLY A GRACIOUS OFFER.
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT I'M JUST GOING TO...
CANCEL THE RESERVATIONS I
MADE FOR EVERYONE AT LE BERNADIN.
JUST GOING TO DO IT.
KHADIJAH, WE CAN
HAVE PIZZA ANYTIME.
WE'RE TALKING LE BERNADIN HERE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
IT IS, BUT IT SOUND FANCY.
BUT I ALREADY ORDERED.
KHADIJAH, KHADIJAH
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
40 BUCKS?
YOU... YOU HAVE GOT TO
START THINKING BIGGER.
FLAVOR HAS A
WHOLE NEW... FLAVOR.
GOOD ONE, FUNNY MAN. GOOD ONE.
COME NOW. EVERYONE IN
THE ELEVATOR. LET'S GO!
LE BERNADIN.
LE BERNADIN! LE
BERNADIN! LE BERNADIN!
YOU... YOU COMING, RIGHT?
I WANT TO SIT NEXT TO YOU.
I GOT WORK TO FINISH UP.
YOU GO AHEAD.
OKAY, 'CAUSE IT'S TUESDAY
AND THAT'S WHEN HENRI
MAKES HIS COQ AU VIN. UH‐HUH.
WOULD YOU STOP THAT!
THOSE ARE TO CHEER REGINE.
WELL, EATING REGINE'S
FOOD CHEERS ME UP.
HEY, SYNCLAIRE, I
FOUND SOMETHING
THAT'S BOUND TO
LIFT REGINE'S SPIRITS.
ALL RIGHT, NOW.
BOB VILA'S FUNNIEST
WORKSHOP MISHAPS?
YEAH, I FAST‐FORWARDED
TO THE PART
WHERE BOB ACCIDENTALLY
SHELLACS HIS BEARD.
COME ON. REGINE WILL PERSEVERE
IF SHE FOLLOWS THE
ADVICE OF VOLTAIRE:
"ALL IS FOR THE BEST
IN THIS BEST OF ALL
POSSIBLE WORLDS."
YOU KNOW, THAT SIMPLE PHILOSOPHY
GOT ME THROUGH A PERIOD SO BLEAK
I ACTUALLY WONDERED IF
LIFE WERE WORTH LIVING.
WHEN IN THE HELL
WERE YOU SO LOW?
YOU RECALL WE DID GO OUT.
REGINE!
MY LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE.
HOW WAS WORK?
I KNOW THAT THEY'RE GOING
TO PULL THE PLUG ON PALO ALTO.
IN NEXT WEEK'S SCRIPT, FIVE
OF THE SIX MAIN CHARACTERS
DIE IN A MYSTERIOUS
CIRCUS TENT EXPLOSION.
WELL, YOU STILL GOT
ONE CHARACTER LEFT.
MM‐HMM. SHE GOING TO
THE CHAIR FOR KILLING THEM.
REGINE, HERE'S A
LITTLE CARD I PICKED UP
IN THE "ENCOURAGING
WORDS" SECTION.
WHEN THE CASHIER READ IT
SHE INVITED ME OVER
TO WATCH BEACHES.
I APPRECIATE WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO
BUT IT'S NOT WORKING, ALL RIGHT?
AND IT'S GETTING ON MY NERVES
SO STOP WASTING MY
TIME AND YOUR MONEY
ON GREETING CARDS,
GONGS, AND GUMMI BEARS.
OH, DON'T WORRY, SWEET PEA.
I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE
ARE JUST INCONSOLABLE.
BUT I'M USUALLY SO
GOOD AT THIS, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, REMEMBER THE
TIME THAT THE INDIANS LOST
YOUR JIGSAW BROKE
AND YOU FORGOT YOUR
MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY?
MAN, I HAD YOU
CHEERED UP IN NO TIME.
YEAH, BUT, UH...
YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH REGINE.
GOOD POINT.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
KHADIJAH.
WITH THE NEW MEDICAL BENEFITS
I FINALLY GOT MY
NECK CHECKED OUT.
AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER
BUT I GOT MY ARM IN A SLING
JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT.
TOMORROW I'M HAVING
MY HIPS REPLACED.
JEREMY, I'VE HAD A
REAL BRAINSTORM.
NOW, HOW ABOUT I FLY TO HAVANA
AND DO AN ARTICLE ON
CUBAN REGGAE, HUH?
COMPELLING CONCEPT, RUSSELL
AND I CERTAINLY DON'T
HAVANA OBJECTION TO THAT.
WHOO, THEY JUST ROLL
OFF YOUR TONGUE, HUH?
SEE EVERYONE IN A WEEK.
UH‐UH‐UH.
WHILE YOU'RE THERE
WHY DON'T YOU STOP A SOLDIER
AND SAY "LUCY, YOU GOT
SOME 'SPLAININ' TO DO"?
BETTER YET, DON'T GO.
BUT LOOK, JEREMY SAID
THE CUBAN CONCEPT
WAS... "COMPELLING."
RUSSELL, SHE IS THE BOSS.
MY HANDS ARE TIED, BUDDY.
WELL, THANKS ANYWAY
FOR SUPPORTING MY DREAMS.
AND THANK YOU FOR DASHING THEM
LIKE A DRIFTWOOD
DINGHY IN A HURRICANE.
AH, KHADIJAH. THERE'S SOMETHING
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
HAVE YOU GOT A SECOND?
SPOKE TO THE BOYS IN
FINANCE DOWN AT MAJESTIC
AND IT SEEMS I WAS
A BIT PREMATURE
ABOUT THAT HEALTH
BENEFITS THING.
HOW PREMATURE?
WE DON'T HAVE THEM.
I HOPE THIS IS ANOTHER
OF YOUR BAD JOKES
BECAUSE YOGI AND BOO‐BOO
JUST RACKED UP A THOUSAND
DOLLARS IN MEDICAL BILLS.
WELL, I AM THE BELOVED
PEOPLE PERSON OF THIS TEAM.
YOU'RE THE HATCHET MAN.
CHOP CHOP.
BUMP THAT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE ME OUT
TO BE THE BAD GUY ON THIS.
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.
JEREMY HAS A VERY
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
YES, INDEED. AHEM...
UH, NOW LISTEN UP, EVERYONE...
NOW, NEXT FRIDAY, HOLD
ON TO YOUR PINEAPPLES.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LUAU.
OH, KHADIJAH, MAYBE
I'LL GET TO SEE YOU
IN A COCONUT BRA.
HEY, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN.
THIS IS THE CARD I GAVE YOU.
YEAH, I IRONED IT
WHEN I REALIZED
THAT GOOD OLD SYNCLAIRE WAS
TURNING INTO
SOMEBODY A LOT LIKE ME‐‐
UNHAPPY, DEPRESSED.
ITCHY SCALP.
ANYWAY, UM...
I FELT BAD ABOUT DOING
THAT TO SOMEBODY
WHO WAS TRYING TO HELP.
I'M SORRY.
OH, GIRL, DON'T FEEL BAD.
I FOUND 78 CENTS
UNDERNEATH THE CUSHIONS.
BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS...
IS THAT YOU'RE ALL
CHEERED UP NOW.
NO, I'M NOT.
SYNCLAIRE, I'VE GOT REAL
PROBLEMS, ALL RIGHT?
AND THEY'RE NOT GOING
TO GO AWAY OVERNIGHT.
MAYBE I JUST WANT TO
BE IN A FUNK FOR A WHILE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, REGINE, YOU KNOW
THREE DAYS AGO WHEN I
STARTED TO CHEER YOU UP
I WISH YOU'D TOLD ME WHAT
A BIG, FAT SOURPUSS YOU ARE.
GET OFF MY GONG.
KHADIJAH.
LET'S INTERFACE.
I FOUND OUT WHAT YOU DID.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
THINKING, GOING OVER MY HEAD?
I AND ONLY I SPEAK
TO THE PRESIDENT OF
MAJESTIC PUBLISHING.
LOOK WHO GREW ANTLERS.
IF YOU EVER TRY TO PULL
A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN
I WILL... WELL, I JUST
DON'T KNOW WHAT.
LOOK, YOU PROMISED US
BENEFITS AND THEN YOU PUNKED OUT
SO I WENT TO THE HEAD PUNK.
AND THREATENED TO QUIT.
VERY SMART.
WELL, IT GOT US BENEFITS.
AND IT ALSO MADE THE 17th
RICHEST MAN IN AMERICA.
VERY UNHAPPY.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAD
GIVEN ME MORE TIME
I COULD HAVE GOT THE BENEFITS
WITHOUT RUFFLING ANY FEATHERS.
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE JUST BUGGIN'
BECAUSE I GOT SOMETHING
DONE THAT YOU COULDN'T.
ACTUALLY, I'M BUGGING BECAUSE
YOU DON'T SHOW ME ANY RESPECT.
WHY SHOULD I?
LOOK, DON'T TAKE
THIS THE WRONG WAY
BUT ARE A USELESS
CORPORATE KISS‐ASS.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
OH, THIS IS JUST THE
USELESS PHOTOCOPIER
THIS USELESS CORPORATE
KISS‐ASS PROMISED YOU.
DON'T TRY TO PASS OFF
GETTING A PHOTOCOPIER
AS BEING REAL WORK.
WHILE YOU ARE SNACKING
ON BRIE AT THE BALLET
WE'RE HERE BUSTING OUR BEHINDS.
OH, I SEE. YOU WANT TO
SEE ME IN THE TRENCHES.
WELL, I'M UP FOR ANY CHORE.
WELL, THE COWS HAVE
ALREADY BEEN MILKED
SO WHY DON'T YOU STAY HERE
UNTIL THE MAGAZINE
IS PUT TO BED TONIGHT?
MY PLEASURE.
ANYONE WANT TO SEE SWAN LAKE?
HERE.
MEZZANINE?
FORGET IT, BUDDY.
IVAN!
YOU FELL ASLEEP.
ARE WE STILL MARRIED?
KHADIJAH, IT IS 4:00 A. M.
IF I DON'T GET SOME
REST I'M GOING TO SLEEP
RIGHT THROUGH MY
RELAXATION CLASS.
WELL, ANY TIME YOU
WANT TO CONCEDE DEFEAT
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, KHADIJAH.
I WILL ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T
HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT
FOR WHAT IT TAKES
TO PUT A MAGAZINE OUT
IF YOU'LL ADMIT
PEOPLE SKILLS ARE AN
IMPORTANT PART OF MANAGEMENT.
OH, SO THAT'S THE
KEY TO YOUR SUCCESS.
THAT AND THE FACT MY
GREAT‐GRANDFATHER
DISCOVERED OIL
UNDERNEATH HIS OUTHOUSE.
AFTER THE INITIAL EMBARRASSMENT,
HE WAS VERY, VERY RICH.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE
IN BUSINESS WITH
A CORPORATE GEEK.
I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D BE IN BUSINESS
WITH AN AROUND‐THE‐WAY GIRL.
YOU BEEN THUMBING THROUGH
THE RAP SECTION
AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU?
LOOK, JEREMY, IF
I GIVE YOU STATIC
IT'S BECAUSE FLAVOR IS
MORE THAN A MAGAZINE.
I CREATED IT.
IT'S MY BABY.
A BABY I HAVE WATCHED
GROW FOR FOUR YEARS
AND MY COMPANY
PUBLISHES CASH COWS LIKE...
LIKE MICROCHIP DIGEST
AND LIQUID SOAP QUARTERLY.
SURE, IT PAYS FOR THE CAPPED
TEETH ON MY POLO PONIES
BUT FLAVOR... FLAVOR HAS A VOICE
THAT THIS COMMUNITY
NEEDS TO HEAR.
HMM.
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD SPEECH.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
HALFWAY THROUGH, I
STARTED BELIEVING IT.
LOOK, JUST REMEMBER
THAT I'M THE BOSS
AND EVERYTHING WILL BE COOL.
I DO HAVE THE RIGHT
TO MAKE SUGGESTIONS.
AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO.
NOW MAY I GO HOME?
NO.
LOOKIE HERE. UM...
HAVE EITHER OF YOU SEEN THE KEY
TO THE SUPPLY CABINET?
I WANT TO GET A CUP OF
COFFEE AND I LOST MY KEY.
CHECK THE CUP.
THANKS A LOT, JEREMY.
OH, SNAP, THIS IS MY HOUSE KEY.
WHOO, I'M TIRED.
SEE?
SEE? NOW YOU'RE CATCHING ON.
GOOD NIGHT.
NOT IN MAKEUP YET?
OKAY, EITHER YOU'RE DEPRESSED
OR THAT TRANSVESTITE BURGLAR'S
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AGAIN.
CAN'T I LET ME PORES BREATHE
WITHOUT RAISING AN EYEBROW?
KHADIJAH, HER FACE
IS THE SAME COLOR
AS THE REST OF HER.
SOMETHING IS AMISS.
REGINE, IF YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO GET UP
AND FIX ME BREAKFAST
AT LEAST GIVE ME TEN
BUCKS TO GO TO THE DENNY'S.
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG? WOO‐WOO?
I'M JUST A LITTLE DOWN, OKAY?
EVER SINCE KEITH AND I BROKE
UP, I HAVEN'T MET ANYBODY DECENT
AND AFTER AMERICA'S
SWEETHEARTS, DUKE AND DENNY
LEFT MY SOAP OPERA, THE
RATINGS HAVE DROPPED SO LOW
THERE'S TALK OF LAYOFFS.
AND DON'T FORGET YOUR
BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING SO LOUD
I CAN HEAR IT OVER AT MY PLACE.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO
OVER THERE AND LISTEN TO IT?!
NOW, WHAT ABOUT THAT CUTE GUY
YOU MET AT THE BANK
THIS WEEK‐‐ BRIAN?
YEAH, IT TURNS OUT HE
WAS CASING THE JOINT.
HE HELD IT UP THE NEXT DAY.
WELL, HE GOT MONEY.
LISTEN, AS FAR AS LOSING
YOUR JOB IS CONCERNED
THOSE ARE JUST SHOW BIZ RUMORS.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
YESTERDAY, THEY
FIRED ALL THE WRITERS
AND TOLD THE ACTORS TO WING IT.
PEOPLE ACTUALLY WRITE THAT CRAP?
MAYBE YOU DO HAVE GOOD
REASON TO FEEL DOWN
BUT WHENEVER I FEEL THAT WAY
I REACH INTO MY BAG FOR
TWO LITTLE ROUND PICK‐ME‐UPS.
SYNCLAIRE, SINCE
WHEN DO WE DO DRUGS?
NO‐‐ WIND CHIME EARRINGS.
TRY THEM ON.
ALL RIGHT... WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I'M DIZZY.
NOW YOU KNOW JUST ONE OF
MY SECRETS TO STAYING HAPPY.
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
♪ HEY ♪
♪ SINGLE ♪
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
♪ MY HOMEGIRL
STANDING TO MY LEFT ♪
♪ AND MY RIGHT ♪
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
Captioning sponsored by FOX
BROADCASTING COMPANY
THINK ABOUT IT.
IF MAJESTIC PUBLISHING
PURCHASED A SMALL
PERCENTAGE OF FLAVOR.
YOU COULD DOUBLE YOUR READERSHIP
PUBLISH TWICE A MONTH.
WE ALSO OFFER AN
EXCELLENT BENEFITS PACKAGE
INCLUDING MENTAL HEALTH
AND, OF COURSE, THERE'S
NEVER, EVER A DRESS CODE
NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK.
THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE
INTERESTED IN FLAVOR.
IS BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE RIP‐OFF
MAGAZINE WENT DOWN THE TOILET.
NOW, SAVOR DID NOT
GO DOWN THE TOILET.
MAJESTIC JUST USED
THE FIRST 10,000 ISSUES
TO KICK OFF OUR NEW
RECYCLING PROGRAM.
YOU CAN KEEP SWEATING
ME. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY "YES."
KHADIJAH, MY FATHER,
JEREMY MILLS III
TAUGHT ME TWO THINGS‐‐
NEVER GIVE UP;
NEVER GIVE UP.
HE HAD A SHORT‐TERM
MEMORY PROBLEM.
AND JUST IN CASE
YOU INHERITED IT
GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK
AND BY THE WAY, GET
OUT AND DON'T COME BACK.
IVAN, IS SOMETHING
WRONG WITH YOUR NECK?
MY SUBWAY TOKEN ROLLED
UNDER THE PHOTOCOPIER.
I TRIED TO LIFT IT AND
SOMETHING POPPED.
IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I USE
MY NECK TO HOLD UP MY HEAD.
SEE THAT, BOSS LADY?
MAJESTIC'S HEALTH PLAN
WOULD FIX IVAN'S NECK.
AND PAY FOR SOME SURGERY
I WANT ONE OF MY
GIRLFRIENDS TO HAVE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN A BIG COMPANY
BUYS PART OF A LITTLE ONE?
YOU GET A HEALTH
PLAN? AND RAISES?
AND GIANT PECAN SANDIES WITH
YOUR NAMES WRITTEN ON THEM.
WAIT A MINUTE.
ALONG WITH ALL THE GOOD STUFF
YOU GET A BUNCH
OF CORPORATE RULES.
YOU CALL FOR A PERSONAL DAY
FROM JAMAICA, YOU GET FIRED.
YOU ASK YOUR BOSS
TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN
YOU GET SUED.
YOU BRING A DAMNED
HAMSTER TO WORK
YOU'RE GETTING SUSPENDED.
BUT... BUT ROBESPIERRE
GETS SO LONELY AT HOME.
KHADIJAH, I GOT A JOB
OFFER FROM ROLLING STONE.
AND I'M TEMPTED TO TAKE IT.
RUSSELL, YOU LISTEN TO
MUSIC AND YOU COMMENT ON IT.
YOU'RE LIKE A
JAMAICAN DICK CLARK.
WHY IS IT WHENEVER
I THINK I GOT YOU
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
LIKE A GOAT HEAD?
'CAUSE I'M SMARTER THAN YOU.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO HIRED HER.
SPEAK, ROBESPIERRE. SPEAK.
OH. I THINK I SEE THE PROBLEM.
YOU'VE BEEN DEPRECIATING
YOUR COPIER FOR FOUR YEARS
WHEN LEGALLY, YOU CAN
ONLY DO IT FOR THREE.
I OWE THE GOVERNMENT ANOTHER
"G" ON TOP OF ALL MY OTHER DEBTS?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO PAY MY STAFF?
I WIELD A PEN, NOT
A MAGIC WAND, BABY.
REGINE, ISN'T IT A
GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE?
IT'S RAINING AND I HAVE GAS.
WELL, RAIN MAKES
THE FLOWERS GROW
AND GAS MEANS PEOPLE LEAVE
YOU ALONE SO YOU CAN REST.
OKAY, MY CHERUBIC CHEERLEADER
HERE'S THE BOX O' HAPPY
THINGS YOU USE TO CHEER ME UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WOULD HAVE DONE
WITHOUT THAT ON
THAT TERRIBLE TUESDAY.
OVERTON, THE BROWNS ARE
NOW THE BALTIMORE RAVENS.
LET IT GO.
TAKE YOUR PICK‐‐
WE GOT ENERGIZING
CRYSTALS AND INCENSE.
OOH! A CANDY APPLE.
STAY AWAY FROM THAT CANDY APPLE.
I USED IT TO KNOCK A COUPLE
DENTS OUT OF THE VAN.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
EACH POST‐IT HAS AN
INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE
YOU CAN STICK WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
"HOT DOG. I'M SPENDING THE
DAY WITH MY BEST FRIEND‐‐ ME."
LET ME WRITE ONE
FOR YOU RIGHT QUICK.
ALL RIGHT.
OH!
WELL, REGINE, WHERE AM I
SUPPOSED TO STICK THIS?
HERE'S YOUR TEA, KHADIJAH.
THIS PUPPY'S
LOOKING A LITTLE WEAK.
THAT'S 'CAUSE WE'RE
OUT OF PETTY CASH.
THAT THERE IS THE
COMPANY TEA BAG.
I KNOW THINGS HAVE BEEN
KIND OF TIGHT AROUND HERE
BUT I PROMISE, IN THE FUTURE
I AM MAKING ALL KINDS
OF IMPROVEMENTS.
I'M PULLING FOR YOU, KHADIJAH.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME
I GOT TO GET THIS TO
THE BOYS IN THE BACK.
WHO TOOK THE LEMON WEDGE?!
AT LEAST THINK ABOUT LETTING
MAJESTIC INVEST IN FLAVOR.
THIS MONTH, WE HAD SO MANY BILLS
WE ALMOST DIDN'T
GET THE ISSUE OUT.
BUT WE DID GET IT OUT
'CAUSE I JUGGLED A
COUPLE OF THOSE BILLS
AND I SOLD A CAPITAL ASSET.
WHAT'S A CAPITAL ASSET?
DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE
THE PHOTOCOPIER WENT?
BOSS LADY, THE DONKEY
DROPPINGS HAVE HIT THE FAN!
THE PRINTER CAN'T
DO THIS MONTH'S ISSUE.
WHY NOT? I PAID THE BILL.
NO, NO. A PIPE BROKE
AND THE PRINT SHOP IS FLOODED.
THE GOOD NEWS IS THE
RECEPTIONIST LOOKS
QUITE PERKY IN A WET T‐SHIRT.
IF WE DON'T GET THE ISSUE OUT
HOW DO WE GET PAID?
I'VE GOT TO GET MY MONEY, MAN.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, MON.
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY.
THERE'S NO REASON TO PANIC.
IF KHADIJAH DOESN'T
SOLVE THE CRISIS
I'LL LAND ON MY FEET
AT ROLLING STONE.
AND DON'T WORRY‐‐
ONCE I'M COCK OF THE WALK
I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER
SOME OF YOUR NAMES.
HEY, HEY. LOOK,
LOOK, LOOK, PEOPLE.
NOW, I'VE ALWAYS GOTTEN
US THROUGH TROUBLE BEFORE
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF ANYONE IN THIS ROOM
DOESN'T HAVE FAITH IN ME
FEEL FREE TO PICK UP THE
PHONE AND LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB.
PUT DOWN THE DAMN PHONES!
IF YOU NEED A REFERENCE,
THEY CAN CALL ME, GIRL.
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A JOB.
I'M SELLING MY SOUL.
YES, JEREMY MILLS, PLEASE.
JEREMY, THIS IS KHADIJAH JAMES.
IS YOUR HUGE, FACELESS
COMPANY STILL INTERESTED
IN BUYING A PIECE
OF MY MAGAZINE?
OOH, MAN, I LOVE AMERICA.
I SELL A QUARTER OF MY MAGAZINE
AND I GET NEW
COMPUTERS, NEW FURNITURE.
OH, MAN, I EVEN GOT MY NEW DOOR!
SEE, I CAN GO
IN... I CAN GO OUT.
IN, OUT... I CAN JUST
CHILL IN THE DOORWAY.
I LOVE EVERYTHING
EXCEPT FOR THAT STUPID
CAPPUCCINO MACHINE.
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S NOT GOING
TO BE ANYTHING BUT TROUBLE.
DON'T GET YOUR
KNICKERS IN A KNOT.
HOW CAN A CAPPUCCINO
MACHINE BE TROUBLE?
KHADIJAH, I PROMISE I'LL
GET STARTED ON MY ARTICLE
AS SOON AS I FINISH MY
SECOND CUP OF BAVARIAN MOCHA.
EH, EH, FORGOT MY BISCOTTI.
YOU DRESS HER UP
IN A BRAND‐NEW DESK
AND SHE STILL WON'T WORK.
I BOUGHT THIS INSPIRATIONAL
BOOK FOR REGINE.
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU MOLDY
BREAD, MAKE PENICILLIN.
RUSSELL, I GOT TO THANK YOU
TO HIPPING ME TO BISCOTTI, MAN.
I MEAN, THEY TASTE GREAT AND
YOU CAN'T TELL WHEN THEY STALE.
DON'T THANK ME.
THANK JEREMY, HUH?
THREE CHEERS TO THE NEW
CAPTAIN OF OUR DESTINY.
JEREMY! JEREMY! COME, JEREMY!
JEREMY! COME, JEREMY! JEREMY!
PLEASE, EVERYONE, PLEASE.
THANK YOU, RUSSELL,
BUT, PLEASE...
KHADIJAH IS YOUR LEADER.
I AM MERELY A CORPORATE LIAISON
WHOSE JOB IS TO HELP, NOT HINDER
TO LISTEN, NOT SPEAK.
AS YOUR LEADER, I
PLANNED A SPECIAL...
UH, JUST ONE MORE THING.
NOW, EVERYONE
PLEASE KEEP IN MIND
THAT ALL FINAL DECISIONS
REST WITH KHADIJAH‐‐
EXCEPT FOR ONE DECISION THAT
I'VE ALREADY MADE ON MY OWN.
AS OF TODAY
ALL EMPLOYEES HAVE
FULL MEDICAL BENEFITS.
RESPECT, RESPECT.
HEY, AND I ORDERED
PIZZA PIES FOR EVERYBODY.
WELL, NOW THAT'S
CERTAINLY A GRACIOUS OFFER.
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT I'M JUST GOING TO...
CANCEL THE RESERVATIONS I
MADE FOR EVERYONE AT LE BERNADIN.
JUST GOING TO DO IT.
KHADIJAH, WE CAN
HAVE PIZZA ANYTIME.
WE'RE TALKING LE BERNADIN HERE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
IT IS, BUT IT SOUND FANCY.
BUT I ALREADY ORDERED.
KHADIJAH, KHADIJAH
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?
40 BUCKS?
YOU... YOU HAVE GOT TO
START THINKING BIGGER.
FLAVOR HAS A
WHOLE NEW... FLAVOR.
GOOD ONE, FUNNY MAN. GOOD ONE.
COME NOW. EVERYONE IN
THE ELEVATOR. LET'S GO!
LE BERNADIN.
LE BERNADIN! LE
BERNADIN! LE BERNADIN!
YOU... YOU COMING, RIGHT?
I WANT TO SIT NEXT TO YOU.
I GOT WORK TO FINISH UP.
YOU GO AHEAD.
OKAY, 'CAUSE IT'S TUESDAY
AND THAT'S WHEN HENRI
MAKES HIS COQ AU VIN. UH‐HUH.
WOULD YOU STOP THAT!
THOSE ARE TO CHEER REGINE.
WELL, EATING REGINE'S
FOOD CHEERS ME UP.
HEY, SYNCLAIRE, I
FOUND SOMETHING
THAT'S BOUND TO
LIFT REGINE'S SPIRITS.
ALL RIGHT, NOW.
BOB VILA'S FUNNIEST
WORKSHOP MISHAPS?
YEAH, I FAST‐FORWARDED
TO THE PART
WHERE BOB ACCIDENTALLY
SHELLACS HIS BEARD.
COME ON. REGINE WILL PERSEVERE
IF SHE FOLLOWS THE
ADVICE OF VOLTAIRE:
"ALL IS FOR THE BEST
IN THIS BEST OF ALL
POSSIBLE WORLDS."
YOU KNOW, THAT SIMPLE PHILOSOPHY
GOT ME THROUGH A PERIOD SO BLEAK
I ACTUALLY WONDERED IF
LIFE WERE WORTH LIVING.
WHEN IN THE HELL
WERE YOU SO LOW?
YOU RECALL WE DID GO OUT.
REGINE!
MY LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE.
HOW WAS WORK?
I KNOW THAT THEY'RE GOING
TO PULL THE PLUG ON PALO ALTO.
IN NEXT WEEK'S SCRIPT, FIVE
OF THE SIX MAIN CHARACTERS
DIE IN A MYSTERIOUS
CIRCUS TENT EXPLOSION.
WELL, YOU STILL GOT
ONE CHARACTER LEFT.
MM‐HMM. SHE GOING TO
THE CHAIR FOR KILLING THEM.
REGINE, HERE'S A
LITTLE CARD I PICKED UP
IN THE "ENCOURAGING
WORDS" SECTION.
WHEN THE CASHIER READ IT
SHE INVITED ME OVER
TO WATCH BEACHES.
I APPRECIATE WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO
BUT IT'S NOT WORKING, ALL RIGHT?
AND IT'S GETTING ON MY NERVES
SO STOP WASTING MY
TIME AND YOUR MONEY
ON GREETING CARDS,
GONGS, AND GUMMI BEARS.
OH, DON'T WORRY, SWEET PEA.
I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE
ARE JUST INCONSOLABLE.
BUT I'M USUALLY SO
GOOD AT THIS, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, REMEMBER THE
TIME THAT THE INDIANS LOST
YOUR JIGSAW BROKE
AND YOU FORGOT YOUR
MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY?
MAN, I HAD YOU
CHEERED UP IN NO TIME.
YEAH, BUT, UH...
YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH REGINE.
GOOD POINT.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
KHADIJAH.
WITH THE NEW MEDICAL BENEFITS
I FINALLY GOT MY
NECK CHECKED OUT.
AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER
BUT I GOT MY ARM IN A SLING
JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT.
TOMORROW I'M HAVING
MY HIPS REPLACED.
JEREMY, I'VE HAD A
REAL BRAINSTORM.
NOW, HOW ABOUT I FLY TO HAVANA
AND DO AN ARTICLE ON
CUBAN REGGAE, HUH?
COMPELLING CONCEPT, RUSSELL
AND I CERTAINLY DON'T
HAVANA OBJECTION TO THAT.
WHOO, THEY JUST ROLL
OFF YOUR TONGUE, HUH?
SEE EVERYONE IN A WEEK.
UH‐UH‐UH.
WHILE YOU'RE THERE
WHY DON'T YOU STOP A SOLDIER
AND SAY "LUCY, YOU GOT
SOME 'SPLAININ' TO DO"?
BETTER YET, DON'T GO.
BUT LOOK, JEREMY SAID
THE CUBAN CONCEPT
WAS... "COMPELLING."
RUSSELL, SHE IS THE BOSS.
MY HANDS ARE TIED, BUDDY.
WELL, THANKS ANYWAY
FOR SUPPORTING MY DREAMS.
AND THANK YOU FOR DASHING THEM
LIKE A DRIFTWOOD
DINGHY IN A HURRICANE.
AH, KHADIJAH. THERE'S SOMETHING
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
HAVE YOU GOT A SECOND?
SPOKE TO THE BOYS IN
FINANCE DOWN AT MAJESTIC
AND IT SEEMS I WAS
A BIT PREMATURE
ABOUT THAT HEALTH
BENEFITS THING.
HOW PREMATURE?
WE DON'T HAVE THEM.
I HOPE THIS IS ANOTHER
OF YOUR BAD JOKES
BECAUSE YOGI AND BOO‐BOO
JUST RACKED UP A THOUSAND
DOLLARS IN MEDICAL BILLS.
WELL, I AM THE BELOVED
PEOPLE PERSON OF THIS TEAM.
YOU'RE THE HATCHET MAN.
CHOP CHOP.
BUMP THAT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE ME OUT
TO BE THE BAD GUY ON THIS.
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.
JEREMY HAS A VERY
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
YES, INDEED. AHEM...
UH, NOW LISTEN UP, EVERYONE...
NOW, NEXT FRIDAY, HOLD
ON TO YOUR PINEAPPLES.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LUAU.
OH, KHADIJAH, MAYBE
I'LL GET TO SEE YOU
IN A COCONUT BRA.
HEY, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?
LONG AS I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN.
THIS IS THE CARD I GAVE YOU.
YEAH, I IRONED IT
WHEN I REALIZED
THAT GOOD OLD SYNCLAIRE WAS
TURNING INTO
SOMEBODY A LOT LIKE ME‐‐
UNHAPPY, DEPRESSED.
ITCHY SCALP.
ANYWAY, UM...
I FELT BAD ABOUT DOING
THAT TO SOMEBODY
WHO WAS TRYING TO HELP.
I'M SORRY.
OH, GIRL, DON'T FEEL BAD.
I FOUND 78 CENTS
UNDERNEATH THE CUSHIONS.
BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS...
IS THAT YOU'RE ALL
CHEERED UP NOW.
NO, I'M NOT.
SYNCLAIRE, I'VE GOT REAL
PROBLEMS, ALL RIGHT?
AND THEY'RE NOT GOING
TO GO AWAY OVERNIGHT.
MAYBE I JUST WANT TO
BE IN A FUNK FOR A WHILE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, REGINE, YOU KNOW
THREE DAYS AGO WHEN I
STARTED TO CHEER YOU UP
I WISH YOU'D TOLD ME WHAT
A BIG, FAT SOURPUSS YOU ARE.
GET OFF MY GONG.
KHADIJAH.
LET'S INTERFACE.
I FOUND OUT WHAT YOU DID.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
THINKING, GOING OVER MY HEAD?
I AND ONLY I SPEAK
TO THE PRESIDENT OF
MAJESTIC PUBLISHING.
LOOK WHO GREW ANTLERS.
IF YOU EVER TRY TO PULL
A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN
I WILL... WELL, I JUST
DON'T KNOW WHAT.
LOOK, YOU PROMISED US
BENEFITS AND THEN YOU PUNKED OUT
SO I WENT TO THE HEAD PUNK.
AND THREATENED TO QUIT.
VERY SMART.
WELL, IT GOT US BENEFITS.
AND IT ALSO MADE THE 17th
RICHEST MAN IN AMERICA.
VERY UNHAPPY.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAD
GIVEN ME MORE TIME
I COULD HAVE GOT THE BENEFITS
WITHOUT RUFFLING ANY FEATHERS.
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE JUST BUGGIN'
BECAUSE I GOT SOMETHING
DONE THAT YOU COULDN'T.
ACTUALLY, I'M BUGGING BECAUSE
YOU DON'T SHOW ME ANY RESPECT.
WHY SHOULD I?
LOOK, DON'T TAKE
THIS THE WRONG WAY
BUT ARE A USELESS
CORPORATE KISS‐ASS.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
OH, THIS IS JUST THE
USELESS PHOTOCOPIER
THIS USELESS CORPORATE
KISS‐ASS PROMISED YOU.
DON'T TRY TO PASS OFF
GETTING A PHOTOCOPIER
AS BEING REAL WORK.
WHILE YOU ARE SNACKING
ON BRIE AT THE BALLET
WE'RE HERE BUSTING OUR BEHINDS.
OH, I SEE. YOU WANT TO
SEE ME IN THE TRENCHES.
WELL, I'M UP FOR ANY CHORE.
WELL, THE COWS HAVE
ALREADY BEEN MILKED
SO WHY DON'T YOU STAY HERE
UNTIL THE MAGAZINE
IS PUT TO BED TONIGHT?
MY PLEASURE.
ANYONE WANT TO SEE SWAN LAKE?
HERE.
MEZZANINE?
FORGET IT, BUDDY.
IVAN!
YOU FELL ASLEEP.
ARE WE STILL MARRIED?
KHADIJAH, IT IS 4:00 A. M.
IF I DON'T GET SOME
REST I'M GOING TO SLEEP
RIGHT THROUGH MY
RELAXATION CLASS.
WELL, ANY TIME YOU
WANT TO CONCEDE DEFEAT
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, KHADIJAH.
I WILL ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T
HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT
FOR WHAT IT TAKES
TO PUT A MAGAZINE OUT
IF YOU'LL ADMIT
PEOPLE SKILLS ARE AN
IMPORTANT PART OF MANAGEMENT.
OH, SO THAT'S THE
KEY TO YOUR SUCCESS.
THAT AND THE FACT MY
GREAT‐GRANDFATHER
DISCOVERED OIL
UNDERNEATH HIS OUTHOUSE.
AFTER THE INITIAL EMBARRASSMENT,
HE WAS VERY, VERY RICH.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE
IN BUSINESS WITH
A CORPORATE GEEK.
I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D BE IN BUSINESS
WITH AN AROUND‐THE‐WAY GIRL.
YOU BEEN THUMBING THROUGH
THE RAP SECTION
AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU?
LOOK, JEREMY, IF
I GIVE YOU STATIC
IT'S BECAUSE FLAVOR IS
MORE THAN A MAGAZINE.
I CREATED IT.
IT'S MY BABY.
A BABY I HAVE WATCHED
GROW FOR FOUR YEARS
AND MY COMPANY
PUBLISHES CASH COWS LIKE...
LIKE MICROCHIP DIGEST
AND LIQUID SOAP QUARTERLY.
SURE, IT PAYS FOR THE CAPPED
TEETH ON MY POLO PONIES
BUT FLAVOR... FLAVOR HAS A VOICE
THAT THIS COMMUNITY
NEEDS TO HEAR.
HMM.
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD SPEECH.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
HALFWAY THROUGH, I
STARTED BELIEVING IT.
LOOK, JUST REMEMBER
THAT I'M THE BOSS
AND EVERYTHING WILL BE COOL.
I DO HAVE THE RIGHT
TO MAKE SUGGESTIONS.
AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO.
NOW MAY I GO HOME?
NO.
LOOKIE HERE. UM...
HAVE EITHER OF YOU SEEN THE KEY
TO THE SUPPLY CABINET?
I WANT TO GET A CUP OF
COFFEE AND I LOST MY KEY.
CHECK THE CUP.
THANKS A LOT, JEREMY.
OH, SNAP, THIS IS MY HOUSE KEY.
WHOO, I'M TIRED.
SEE?
SEE? NOW YOU'RE CATCHING ON.
GOOD NIGHT.