Living Single (1993–1998): Season 4, Episode 3 - Not Quite Mr. Right - full transcript
Come on, Regine, we
gettin' old down here, girl.
Come on, now, you
don't wanna be late
for your boyfriend's
first big art show.
Oh, yes, I do.
My entrance must be grand.
Tonight, Keith and I
are making our debut
in the art world as a couple.
I am his muse and
I shan't disappoint.
I don't know how a
muse is supposed to look
but nothing's droopin',
fallin' out, or spillin' over.
You look good to
me, girlie, let roll.
Regine, tell Keith I'm
sorry, I can't make it
but I gotta read five freelance
articles by tomorrow mornin'.
Khadijah, you read
those last night.
Alright, here's the real reason.
I just don't wanna go to
no corny‐ass art show.
Well, forget you
then you're not invited.
‐ Oop. ‐ That's
all you have to do?
Lookie here, I‐I‐I really
don't wanna go either.
We'll stop for ice‐cream
on the way back.
Ooh.
Hey, um, about the,
the ice‐cream, I was‐‐
Too late.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
♪ Keep you head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ What you want
no free position ♪
♪ Haaaa ♪
Khadijah.
I have done it yet again.
You matched your socks
with your drawers in the dark.
See if you can stay
with me, alright?
The installation of that fire
hydrant in front of the building
has made it almost
impossible to park.
However, by using
my expert driving skills
I managed to bumper‐butt a Miata
and secure the last
parking space on the block.
Thank you.
Excited about a parking space.
You ain't got none
in a while, have you?
You stole my parking space!
Move your car!
Maxine Shaw
the only thing I am
going to move for you
is a finger.
Fine and dandy.
Why am I filled with such dread?
Ooh‐hoo.
Maybe 'cause it's a
couple hundred pigeons
roosting on your car.
My hand‐buffed
iridescent finish! Max!
Two bags of birdseed and
some ground‐up Ex‐Lax
and you've got yourself a party.
Okay, now, let's see.
When the door opens
which leg should I extend
for maximum impact?
The left one. The right
one has a big ol' run in it.
Oh, Regine! That
dress is fantastic.
Oh. Yes.
And it would really set off
that painting in the
corner over there.
Why don't you stand
next to it and see
if you can attract some buyers?
‐ Mmm. ‐ 'Hmm..'
What do you think
of this one, Obie?
Friends don't let
friends paint drunk.
Ohh.
Uh.. Excuse me..
But, your breath is
frizzin' up my hair.
Well, I just wanted
a close‐up of the
loveliest piece
of art in the room.
Ooh, and it talks too.
Yes, but I don't
think you want to hear
what it has to say.
I am drawn to you
like a moth to a flame.
Burn me, baby.
‐ Tsss. ‐ Oh.
Baby, that, that man over there
just put his hands on me.
That's Carvin Edmonds
from the "Soho Sentinel."
Did he happened to say
anything about my paintings?
It's more important to
you to get a good review
than to defend my honor?
Well, wouldn't you be
honored if I got a good review?
Not with a ten‐foot
pole, a wetsuit
and a case of disinfectant.
You heard the lady.
Leave before you're tastin'
a mouthful of Jamaican fist.
Do you know who
you're talking to?
Yes. Carvin Edmonds.
A man who has made a
career out of the phrase
"I don't get it."
And lookin' at you, I
can see why you don't.
Move it!
Russell, thank you.
Wow, who woulda thought
my knight in shining armor
would be wearing a knit cap
and a Peter Tosh pinky ring?
No problem.
Yaka‐mouths like him make
gentlemen like myself look bad.
May I say you're
lookin' wonderful tonight.
Piqued, pouty, and protruding.
Khadijah, is Overton back yet?
I've worn out my chamois
getting bird‐droppings
off my car
and I'm out of guano‐be‐gone‐o.
Well, hey, how was the art show?
Oh, I think Keith's paintings
really say something.
Yeah, judging by those prices
it was sayin', "Hello, sucker."
Well, I built my very
own ice‐cream buffet
and now I'm sick and happy.
I'm just happy.
Yeah, well, I'm glad somebody's
evening wasn't ruined.
Ooh‐ooh!
Look at that big ol' run.
Mm! That's what you get when
you put pantyhose on a cactus.
There I was, wearing
my fabulous dress
wearing my formal hair
and do you think
Keith noticed me?
I'm galled. Why would
Keith go to all the trouble
of painting for months
printing up invitations
inviting all those
people not to spend
the whole evening
focused on you?
I'm sayin'.
Come on, Regine.
You got to let the brother
handle his business.
You think Noah's wife
was bothering him by sayin'
"Forget that ark, what
about my needs?"
No, Obie, it's not just that.
Keith didn't even
come to my rescue
when some brother
was pushin' up on me.
Well, Regine, I saw
Keith whispering
something intimate in your ear.
He was asking me to change
the bulb in the bathroom.
Do you have any
idea how hard it is
to stand on a
toilet, in high heels
with one arm up in the air?
Try it on an airplane. Whoo.
This isn't the first time
I felt like me and Keith
just weren't on the same page.
I mean, have any of you
noticed that he can be..
‐ I don't know. ‐ Aloof?
‐ Distant? ‐ Blase.
‐ Zombie‐like? ‐
Dull as a box of rocks?
Oh, that was fun!
Let's do it again. Go!
‐ Aloof. ‐ Distant.
‐ Blase. ‐ Zombie‐like.
Dull as a box of rocks.
For real, though, Regine
I mean, maybe
Keith doesn't realize
he's comin' off like a stiff.
‐ Talk to him.
‐ Alright, I will.
But I'm going over there
now. I can't wait till tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Alternate‐side‐of‐the‐street
parking in effect.
Move your car or get a
ticket. Tough luck, loser!
Now, don't you wanna beat
her to the parking space?
No, I got some time.
It'll take at least half an hour
to put the air
back in her tires.
I don't know, bro. Baby
drivin' on the rims, man.
Oh, no! What?
Baby, here's to you
for all your help tonight.
Oh, good looking out
on that light bulb situation.
You now, Keith, to be honest
um, I had a
terrible time tonight.
Baby, you hardly paid
any attention to me
until Enrico went home
sick and then you needed me
to help out with valet parking.
I'm sorry.
From now on if you don't wanna
come to the openings, it's cool.
So, what, it's okay with you
if I don't share some of
some of the most
important events of your life?
I just don't wanna ask
you to do something
that you don't
wanna do, that's all.
I mean, that would
just work your nerves.
Well, work my nerves!
Damn, just work somethin' that
let's me know you have a pulse!
Baby, the only time you
ever showed any passion
is when you're painting or,
or when we're having sex.
Oh, you wanna have sex.
Come on, baby.
I don't want to have sex.
I want a relationship.
Ah.. Wha..
You know, this is, this
is not workin' for me.
Wow.
I thought we were cool.
Sure a little sex won't help?
I don't wanna have
sex, you rock head!
Baby, do you
realize that I'm ready
to just walk out on you?
Well..
I gue.. If you can't hang
with me the way I am
I guess you gotta
do what you gotta do.
Oh, that's it?
You.. You're not even
gonna fight for me?
Well, either you wanna
be with me or you don't.
It's on you.
I'm on the elevator.
Regine.
I guess there's nothing
left to say except
I hope we can be friends.
We can, Keith..
But not with each other.
Regine, sorry to see you
lookin' so down in the mouth
though I'm glad you're
still big in the blouse.
Russell, not now, alright?
Keith and I just broke up.
Ah.
Well, as they say on my island.
"Sometimes the queen
bee has to fly past
"the manicured gardens
into the deep wild woods
to find the sweetest nectar."
That's beautiful.
They must be very
wise in Jamaica?
Yes, and they also
have a lot of bees.
Look, Regine, I'm gonna
have to cancel lunch.
The printer accidentally swapped
our cover with "Black
Brides" magazine.
Our readers don't wanna
see Dennis Rodman
wearin' his mother's
wedding dress.
Oh, this is just great.
My, my heart gets broken
my roommate dumps me.
Only thing to do,
head to the city
and shop till they
name a sale after me.
I'm city‐bound.
I'll give you a ride.
No, thank you, I make it a point
never to ride in
Day‐Glo Volkswagens.
Suit yourself
but you'll never get a
cab during lunchtime.
And I'm sure you don't want
to face the midday pungence
of the late summer subway.
Alright, I'll ride with you
but only if you promise to
get me there un‐fondled.
You have my word of honor.
I'll keep my hands to myself.
Of course, on sharp corners.
God knows where
my head will end up.
‐ Russell, wha.. ‐ No, no.
Russell, you promised
me that you would take me
straight to the boutique.
No, I promised I
wouldn't fondle you.
When those potholes
made you bounce
ooh, that was no small order.
Come, let's enjoy our lunch
at this nice Jamaican
family restaurant.
Russell, I don't
want.. I'm not‐‐
‐ Come sit, now, wait.. ‐ Ah!
I see you brought a feisty one
this time, nephew.
Nephew?
Oh, well, that explains
why your five wedding pictures
are taped to the refrigerator.
‐ I'm out. ‐ Oh, no, you're not.
You're gonna stay right
here until I cheer you up.
Now, you always brighten
my day with your sweet face
cranky disposition,
and well, you know.
So let's stay for lunch.
Russell, I am very, very
particular about what I eat.
Ooh, spinach patties.
Could I please have
some hot sauce?
Ah.
Manners.
She a lot nicer than the
one you brought for breakfast.
She must have me confused
with another nephew.
Whoo! Ah!
The was the best rice
and peas I ever tasted.
Oh!
I really appreciate
you bringing me here.
Just trying to be a good friend.
Well, a good friend and
a good meal was just
what I needed
to lift my spirits.
Perhaps it's time to burn off
some of those calories, eh?
‐ Don't go there,
Russell. ‐ What?
There's a stair‐climber
in the next room.
Oh, okay, I'm..
‐ I'm sorry, I
misunderstood. ‐ That's okay.
Now let's strip down and
do some high‐steppin'.
Forget it, Russell.
You are hardly my Mr. Right.
But I am Mr. Right
Here and Right Now.
Come. Let's dance.
You're not leavin' here until
you shimmy with happiness.
‐ Music selector. ‐ Oh!
♪ Sometimes the
greatest changes ♪
Ah, boy, come!
Come, nephew!
‐ 'Come on, Auntie
Liz. ‐ What the hell.
‐ Come, come, come.
‐ Oh, yeah, yeah, now!
Oh, yeah, bro!
Come on, now! Whoo!
Hey, Auntie Liz! Auntie Liz,
put a little more hip in it, baby.
Oh, Yeah! Whoo!
Yeah! Oh, oh, yeah!
Russell, keep your
eyes on your own work.
‐ Whoo! ‐ Yeah, man.
Alright.
Ohh!
Maxine, move your
bumper. I was here first.
Well, I'm here now.
There's plenty of
parking in Connecticut!
Then I suggest that you go there
because this space is mine.
Why can't you just
get out of my way?
You are the most inflexible
jerk I have ever known.
Oh, I‐I‐I'm inflexible.
Miss Exactly‐
14‐Minutes‐Of‐Foreplay?
Don't go there. Don't
go below the belt.
You were never very good there.
Oh.. Hm.
Okay.
This, this is ridiculous.
So, why don't we
both just drive on
and let someone else
have the space, huh?
Finally, a rational thought.
Are you moving?
Oh, you damn right I am.
'You loony!'
It's Max and Kyle.
They locked bumpers.
Hey, Max, get on the
bumper and jump up and down!
The bumper, Max, not Kyle!
Hmm. Hey, how's
the heartbreak kid?
Much better.
You know, these relationship
books are really helping.
"Wham Bam Keep That Man."
"Is He A Soulmate Or A Sell Me?"
See, these books
help you prioritize
the qualities that
you want in a mate.
Well, I did that. I mean,
take Keith for example.
He was talented,
fine, successful.
Brother was fine.
And yet, more fine.
But that wasn't enough.
I want somebody who's into me
and who looks at
life as an adventure.
And he's gotta be grounded
in a deep spirituality.
And it wouldn't hurt if
he kisses like Russell.
I know what you mean, girl.
There ain't nothing
like a pair of big, juicy..
Russell?
That's why he came back
for lunch doin' the Macarena.
Please. Russell
kissed me weeks ago.
I don't even know
why I brought it up
except to remember
to put it on my list.
Here. What you think?
Girl, you ain't never gonna
find a man who's got all that.
You gonna have to build one.
Hey, if I have to.
Khadijah, I have decided,
girl, the last thing I wanna do
is to come home every
night to an empty bed
with nothin' to keep me
warm but a big stack of work.
How fulfillin' is that?
I'mma just go upstairs and weep.
Okay.
Oh. Uh‐huh.
♪ Go Russell ♪
♪ Go Russell ♪
♪ Go.. ♪
What the hell am I doin'?
Don't go away.
We'll be right back.
'Kyle!'
There are shelters for
people in your situation.
Yes, and there are bell towers
for people in yours, Quasi.
Now, get out of my space.
Overton will be finished
fixing my bumper any minute.
Yeah, well, mine's in the shop
and it won't be
out till tomorrow.
So, I guess you won this battle.
But don't think
the war is over yet.
Yo, Kyle, I need a
special tool to fix your car.
I'm sorry. It won't be
ready till tomorrow.
Very well.
I'll leave my car in
the parking garage.
Shew. One more
night at those rates
and the attendant can
afford some mouthwash.
Overton, could you tell Khadijah
to bring me her old sleeping bag
a pillow, a thermos of
tea, the leftover chicken
and the bag of chips she
stashes behind the fridge?
Why can't you get 'em yourself?
Oh, you don't think I'mma
leave my space here alone
all night unprotected?
I'm campin' out.
Oh, no, no.
If you're not leavin',
I'm not leavin'.
Overton, make that
two sleeping bags
and a bottle of my best
brandy from my private stock
you know, in the wall behind
my plaque of the
Nubian fertility God.
It ain't gonna happen.
I'm gonna bring
you your cellphone.
You two can get somebody else
to be your special delivery boy
'cause this right
here is your sickness.
And I swore
that I would never
sleep with you again.
We're just sharin' a gutter.
Ooh.
Is that rain?
Oh, is that silk?
Nice try.
Ah‐ha!
Woo‐hoo!
gettin' old down here, girl.
Come on, now, you
don't wanna be late
for your boyfriend's
first big art show.
Oh, yes, I do.
My entrance must be grand.
Tonight, Keith and I
are making our debut
in the art world as a couple.
I am his muse and
I shan't disappoint.
I don't know how a
muse is supposed to look
but nothing's droopin',
fallin' out, or spillin' over.
You look good to
me, girlie, let roll.
Regine, tell Keith I'm
sorry, I can't make it
but I gotta read five freelance
articles by tomorrow mornin'.
Khadijah, you read
those last night.
Alright, here's the real reason.
I just don't wanna go to
no corny‐ass art show.
Well, forget you
then you're not invited.
‐ Oop. ‐ That's
all you have to do?
Lookie here, I‐I‐I really
don't wanna go either.
We'll stop for ice‐cream
on the way back.
Ooh.
Hey, um, about the,
the ice‐cream, I was‐‐
Too late.
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up what?
♪ Keep you head
up that's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ What you want
no free position ♪
♪ Haaaa ♪
Khadijah.
I have done it yet again.
You matched your socks
with your drawers in the dark.
See if you can stay
with me, alright?
The installation of that fire
hydrant in front of the building
has made it almost
impossible to park.
However, by using
my expert driving skills
I managed to bumper‐butt a Miata
and secure the last
parking space on the block.
Thank you.
Excited about a parking space.
You ain't got none
in a while, have you?
You stole my parking space!
Move your car!
Maxine Shaw
the only thing I am
going to move for you
is a finger.
Fine and dandy.
Why am I filled with such dread?
Ooh‐hoo.
Maybe 'cause it's a
couple hundred pigeons
roosting on your car.
My hand‐buffed
iridescent finish! Max!
Two bags of birdseed and
some ground‐up Ex‐Lax
and you've got yourself a party.
Okay, now, let's see.
When the door opens
which leg should I extend
for maximum impact?
The left one. The right
one has a big ol' run in it.
Oh, Regine! That
dress is fantastic.
Oh. Yes.
And it would really set off
that painting in the
corner over there.
Why don't you stand
next to it and see
if you can attract some buyers?
‐ Mmm. ‐ 'Hmm..'
What do you think
of this one, Obie?
Friends don't let
friends paint drunk.
Ohh.
Uh.. Excuse me..
But, your breath is
frizzin' up my hair.
Well, I just wanted
a close‐up of the
loveliest piece
of art in the room.
Ooh, and it talks too.
Yes, but I don't
think you want to hear
what it has to say.
I am drawn to you
like a moth to a flame.
Burn me, baby.
‐ Tsss. ‐ Oh.
Baby, that, that man over there
just put his hands on me.
That's Carvin Edmonds
from the "Soho Sentinel."
Did he happened to say
anything about my paintings?
It's more important to
you to get a good review
than to defend my honor?
Well, wouldn't you be
honored if I got a good review?
Not with a ten‐foot
pole, a wetsuit
and a case of disinfectant.
You heard the lady.
Leave before you're tastin'
a mouthful of Jamaican fist.
Do you know who
you're talking to?
Yes. Carvin Edmonds.
A man who has made a
career out of the phrase
"I don't get it."
And lookin' at you, I
can see why you don't.
Move it!
Russell, thank you.
Wow, who woulda thought
my knight in shining armor
would be wearing a knit cap
and a Peter Tosh pinky ring?
No problem.
Yaka‐mouths like him make
gentlemen like myself look bad.
May I say you're
lookin' wonderful tonight.
Piqued, pouty, and protruding.
Khadijah, is Overton back yet?
I've worn out my chamois
getting bird‐droppings
off my car
and I'm out of guano‐be‐gone‐o.
Well, hey, how was the art show?
Oh, I think Keith's paintings
really say something.
Yeah, judging by those prices
it was sayin', "Hello, sucker."
Well, I built my very
own ice‐cream buffet
and now I'm sick and happy.
I'm just happy.
Yeah, well, I'm glad somebody's
evening wasn't ruined.
Ooh‐ooh!
Look at that big ol' run.
Mm! That's what you get when
you put pantyhose on a cactus.
There I was, wearing
my fabulous dress
wearing my formal hair
and do you think
Keith noticed me?
I'm galled. Why would
Keith go to all the trouble
of painting for months
printing up invitations
inviting all those
people not to spend
the whole evening
focused on you?
I'm sayin'.
Come on, Regine.
You got to let the brother
handle his business.
You think Noah's wife
was bothering him by sayin'
"Forget that ark, what
about my needs?"
No, Obie, it's not just that.
Keith didn't even
come to my rescue
when some brother
was pushin' up on me.
Well, Regine, I saw
Keith whispering
something intimate in your ear.
He was asking me to change
the bulb in the bathroom.
Do you have any
idea how hard it is
to stand on a
toilet, in high heels
with one arm up in the air?
Try it on an airplane. Whoo.
This isn't the first time
I felt like me and Keith
just weren't on the same page.
I mean, have any of you
noticed that he can be..
‐ I don't know. ‐ Aloof?
‐ Distant? ‐ Blase.
‐ Zombie‐like? ‐
Dull as a box of rocks?
Oh, that was fun!
Let's do it again. Go!
‐ Aloof. ‐ Distant.
‐ Blase. ‐ Zombie‐like.
Dull as a box of rocks.
For real, though, Regine
I mean, maybe
Keith doesn't realize
he's comin' off like a stiff.
‐ Talk to him.
‐ Alright, I will.
But I'm going over there
now. I can't wait till tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
Alternate‐side‐of‐the‐street
parking in effect.
Move your car or get a
ticket. Tough luck, loser!
Now, don't you wanna beat
her to the parking space?
No, I got some time.
It'll take at least half an hour
to put the air
back in her tires.
I don't know, bro. Baby
drivin' on the rims, man.
Oh, no! What?
Baby, here's to you
for all your help tonight.
Oh, good looking out
on that light bulb situation.
You now, Keith, to be honest
um, I had a
terrible time tonight.
Baby, you hardly paid
any attention to me
until Enrico went home
sick and then you needed me
to help out with valet parking.
I'm sorry.
From now on if you don't wanna
come to the openings, it's cool.
So, what, it's okay with you
if I don't share some of
some of the most
important events of your life?
I just don't wanna ask
you to do something
that you don't
wanna do, that's all.
I mean, that would
just work your nerves.
Well, work my nerves!
Damn, just work somethin' that
let's me know you have a pulse!
Baby, the only time you
ever showed any passion
is when you're painting or,
or when we're having sex.
Oh, you wanna have sex.
Come on, baby.
I don't want to have sex.
I want a relationship.
Ah.. Wha..
You know, this is, this
is not workin' for me.
Wow.
I thought we were cool.
Sure a little sex won't help?
I don't wanna have
sex, you rock head!
Baby, do you
realize that I'm ready
to just walk out on you?
Well..
I gue.. If you can't hang
with me the way I am
I guess you gotta
do what you gotta do.
Oh, that's it?
You.. You're not even
gonna fight for me?
Well, either you wanna
be with me or you don't.
It's on you.
I'm on the elevator.
Regine.
I guess there's nothing
left to say except
I hope we can be friends.
We can, Keith..
But not with each other.
Regine, sorry to see you
lookin' so down in the mouth
though I'm glad you're
still big in the blouse.
Russell, not now, alright?
Keith and I just broke up.
Ah.
Well, as they say on my island.
"Sometimes the queen
bee has to fly past
"the manicured gardens
into the deep wild woods
to find the sweetest nectar."
That's beautiful.
They must be very
wise in Jamaica?
Yes, and they also
have a lot of bees.
Look, Regine, I'm gonna
have to cancel lunch.
The printer accidentally swapped
our cover with "Black
Brides" magazine.
Our readers don't wanna
see Dennis Rodman
wearin' his mother's
wedding dress.
Oh, this is just great.
My, my heart gets broken
my roommate dumps me.
Only thing to do,
head to the city
and shop till they
name a sale after me.
I'm city‐bound.
I'll give you a ride.
No, thank you, I make it a point
never to ride in
Day‐Glo Volkswagens.
Suit yourself
but you'll never get a
cab during lunchtime.
And I'm sure you don't want
to face the midday pungence
of the late summer subway.
Alright, I'll ride with you
but only if you promise to
get me there un‐fondled.
You have my word of honor.
I'll keep my hands to myself.
Of course, on sharp corners.
God knows where
my head will end up.
‐ Russell, wha.. ‐ No, no.
Russell, you promised
me that you would take me
straight to the boutique.
No, I promised I
wouldn't fondle you.
When those potholes
made you bounce
ooh, that was no small order.
Come, let's enjoy our lunch
at this nice Jamaican
family restaurant.
Russell, I don't
want.. I'm not‐‐
‐ Come sit, now, wait.. ‐ Ah!
I see you brought a feisty one
this time, nephew.
Nephew?
Oh, well, that explains
why your five wedding pictures
are taped to the refrigerator.
‐ I'm out. ‐ Oh, no, you're not.
You're gonna stay right
here until I cheer you up.
Now, you always brighten
my day with your sweet face
cranky disposition,
and well, you know.
So let's stay for lunch.
Russell, I am very, very
particular about what I eat.
Ooh, spinach patties.
Could I please have
some hot sauce?
Ah.
Manners.
She a lot nicer than the
one you brought for breakfast.
She must have me confused
with another nephew.
Whoo! Ah!
The was the best rice
and peas I ever tasted.
Oh!
I really appreciate
you bringing me here.
Just trying to be a good friend.
Well, a good friend and
a good meal was just
what I needed
to lift my spirits.
Perhaps it's time to burn off
some of those calories, eh?
‐ Don't go there,
Russell. ‐ What?
There's a stair‐climber
in the next room.
Oh, okay, I'm..
‐ I'm sorry, I
misunderstood. ‐ That's okay.
Now let's strip down and
do some high‐steppin'.
Forget it, Russell.
You are hardly my Mr. Right.
But I am Mr. Right
Here and Right Now.
Come. Let's dance.
You're not leavin' here until
you shimmy with happiness.
‐ Music selector. ‐ Oh!
♪ Sometimes the
greatest changes ♪
Ah, boy, come!
Come, nephew!
‐ 'Come on, Auntie
Liz. ‐ What the hell.
‐ Come, come, come.
‐ Oh, yeah, yeah, now!
Oh, yeah, bro!
Come on, now! Whoo!
Hey, Auntie Liz! Auntie Liz,
put a little more hip in it, baby.
Oh, Yeah! Whoo!
Yeah! Oh, oh, yeah!
Russell, keep your
eyes on your own work.
‐ Whoo! ‐ Yeah, man.
Alright.
Ohh!
Maxine, move your
bumper. I was here first.
Well, I'm here now.
There's plenty of
parking in Connecticut!
Then I suggest that you go there
because this space is mine.
Why can't you just
get out of my way?
You are the most inflexible
jerk I have ever known.
Oh, I‐I‐I'm inflexible.
Miss Exactly‐
14‐Minutes‐Of‐Foreplay?
Don't go there. Don't
go below the belt.
You were never very good there.
Oh.. Hm.
Okay.
This, this is ridiculous.
So, why don't we
both just drive on
and let someone else
have the space, huh?
Finally, a rational thought.
Are you moving?
Oh, you damn right I am.
'You loony!'
It's Max and Kyle.
They locked bumpers.
Hey, Max, get on the
bumper and jump up and down!
The bumper, Max, not Kyle!
Hmm. Hey, how's
the heartbreak kid?
Much better.
You know, these relationship
books are really helping.
"Wham Bam Keep That Man."
"Is He A Soulmate Or A Sell Me?"
See, these books
help you prioritize
the qualities that
you want in a mate.
Well, I did that. I mean,
take Keith for example.
He was talented,
fine, successful.
Brother was fine.
And yet, more fine.
But that wasn't enough.
I want somebody who's into me
and who looks at
life as an adventure.
And he's gotta be grounded
in a deep spirituality.
And it wouldn't hurt if
he kisses like Russell.
I know what you mean, girl.
There ain't nothing
like a pair of big, juicy..
Russell?
That's why he came back
for lunch doin' the Macarena.
Please. Russell
kissed me weeks ago.
I don't even know
why I brought it up
except to remember
to put it on my list.
Here. What you think?
Girl, you ain't never gonna
find a man who's got all that.
You gonna have to build one.
Hey, if I have to.
Khadijah, I have decided,
girl, the last thing I wanna do
is to come home every
night to an empty bed
with nothin' to keep me
warm but a big stack of work.
How fulfillin' is that?
I'mma just go upstairs and weep.
Okay.
Oh. Uh‐huh.
♪ Go Russell ♪
♪ Go Russell ♪
♪ Go.. ♪
What the hell am I doin'?
Don't go away.
We'll be right back.
'Kyle!'
There are shelters for
people in your situation.
Yes, and there are bell towers
for people in yours, Quasi.
Now, get out of my space.
Overton will be finished
fixing my bumper any minute.
Yeah, well, mine's in the shop
and it won't be
out till tomorrow.
So, I guess you won this battle.
But don't think
the war is over yet.
Yo, Kyle, I need a
special tool to fix your car.
I'm sorry. It won't be
ready till tomorrow.
Very well.
I'll leave my car in
the parking garage.
Shew. One more
night at those rates
and the attendant can
afford some mouthwash.
Overton, could you tell Khadijah
to bring me her old sleeping bag
a pillow, a thermos of
tea, the leftover chicken
and the bag of chips she
stashes behind the fridge?
Why can't you get 'em yourself?
Oh, you don't think I'mma
leave my space here alone
all night unprotected?
I'm campin' out.
Oh, no, no.
If you're not leavin',
I'm not leavin'.
Overton, make that
two sleeping bags
and a bottle of my best
brandy from my private stock
you know, in the wall behind
my plaque of the
Nubian fertility God.
It ain't gonna happen.
I'm gonna bring
you your cellphone.
You two can get somebody else
to be your special delivery boy
'cause this right
here is your sickness.
And I swore
that I would never
sleep with you again.
We're just sharin' a gutter.
Ooh.
Is that rain?
Oh, is that silk?
Nice try.
Ah‐ha!
Woo‐hoo!