Living Single (1993–1998): Season 3, Episode 20 - Dear John - full transcript

Oh, no. Boardwalk with a hotel,
two thousand big ones, baby.

You win, Obie, you win.

Yes.

Now, you just want
me for my fake money.

‐ Hey, people. ‐ Hey.

This is Kimberly.

Kimberly, that's Overton
and that's Synclaire.

‐ How do you do? ‐ Hi.

Synclaire, can I talk
to you for a minute.

Absolutely, come on.

I'll be right back.



So who's winning?

Ah, well, I don't
wanna brag, but me.

Kim and I have planned this
really romantic evening, right

but the wine store was
out of my favorite Bordeaux.

Now, isn't there a bottle
down here somewhere, huh?

You mean, the one you
gave Khadijah for her birthday

even though you know
she hates red wine?

That's the one.

I have it right here.

I like your shaved head.

It makes you look like
the Pharaoh Ramses.

Well, I did just get
a new head balm

that brings out the
luster in my scalp.

It looks so smooth.



Nice.

Yeah, well, I'm
guessing you get the idea.

‐ Show yourself out.
‐ You ready, Kimberly?

Oh, it was nice
meeting you, Synclaire.

‐ 'Okay.' ‐ Overton.

‐ Uh, Overton. ‐ Mm.

If you finish your game
before I finish mine, play again.

‐ Alright. ‐ Alright.

‐ Bow‐wow. ‐ Watch dog.

Uh, baby, does a‐a,
a‐a woman caressing

a strange man's
scalp count as flirting?

Did Kimberly feel your dome?

Yeah‐huh.

Yes, that head balm I
bought you really works.

Says right on the package.

"For the skull, they
will love to touch."

♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kinda world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough ♪

♪ You gotta fight with ♪

♪ My homegirls
standing to my left ♪

♪ And my right ♪
♪ True blue ♪

♪ It's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪

♪ What you want
no free position girl ♪

♪ Ha ♪

Damn. Damn, where is Regine?

She had the nerve to
leave a broken umbrella

where I could steal it.

She's out with John.

Oh, the jellyfish from
the cosmetics company.

No, I mean I liked
it, but I don't know

why everyone's
saying it's the most

original foreign
film of the year.

Well, I'm saying, you
take it out at the woods

lose that castle, add
some black people

and it was "Boyz n the Hood."

Hey, you guys, you
all remember John?

‐ Hi. ‐ Hi.

‐ Whatever. ‐
'How are you doing?'

I‐I'm gonna put your cappuccino

in your favorite mug for you.

You are so nice.

No, you are so nice.

I am so sick.

You know what, you guys

I have the best time
when I'm with John.

I mean, he is cute, he is funny,
and we both enjoy mini series.

Sounds like the total package.

Backbone not included.

Well, who do we have here?

Madam jealousy and her
green eyed sidekick envy?

‐ Here you go,
Regine. ‐ Oh, thank you.

‐ Mmm. ‐ Wh‐what's wrong?

I‐isn't that hot enough?
Oh, I'll be right back.

Damn, I wonder if they
have a support group

for weak brothers like that.

‐ Don't. ‐ Yeah.

Once a month they
plan on getting together

then their women
tell 'em they can't go.

Well, look at this, little Dijah
joking about relationships.

To think, girl, you can
remember that far back?

Woo‐ooo, oh, let's
roll upstairs, Synclaire.

I think a tornado is coming

and this living
room is a trailer park.

Let's go.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Oh, oh, God!

Good job, John.

Regine, does he kick his
foot when you rub his belly?

Shut up.

Good one, Regine.

You must've been
on the debate team

when you were in high school.

Not unless they
needed a towel girl.

Go away.

Touche again, Regine.

You should have
your own talk show.

This week on "Regine," Regine.

‐ Oh, my gosh! ‐ Oh, my God.

Hey, hey, John, John, John.

See that laundry mat over there

that's where doormats of the
'90s do their girlfriends wash.

Well, I wish Regine was here.

She would have a zing off you.

Oh, my good Lord.

Ah, wooh, when is Regine
gonna get tired of that man

catering to her every whim?

Please, when he dies,
she's gonna be at his funeral

yelling at him, telling him.

"How can you lie down like that

when I don't have
a place to sit?"

Oh, God, he must go.

He's just gotta find somebody
nicer and cuter than Regine.

Oh, give me a phonebook
and some darts.

Hey, you know what?

You know we could always
send him a Dear John letter

and sign Regine's name to it.

Here it is, "Dear John, I
cannot go on with this charade."

"I am not ready for a
committed relationship

"and I must end
things now before

I fall deeply in
love with you. I.."

"I‐I, I beg of you to
forget all about me.."

"and stay the hell away
from my apartment."

"And don't call me!"

"And if I call you, be
strong and tell me it's over."

"And release me like
a thousand doves!"

What the devil?

Ah, I have a poetic
side. I always do.

Hi, ladies.

Regine said we have
to get her a cooler.

She wants to chill some
champagne in her room.

Oh.

Y'all can keep the ice.
Regine prefers the round cubes.

Oh, uh, hey, Kimberly, um..

Kyle won't be back
for another hour or so

but, uh, you know,
I'll be happy to tell him

that you were here, alright?

Now, bye.

I'll wait.

‐ What are you doing?
‐ Enjoying the view.

Oh!

Uh, look here, well,
uh, I'm really flattered

but you know I got a girlfriend.

Girlfriend, boyfriend,
they're just labels.

Um, well, I find
labels quite handy.

You know, like, uh..

Do not iron, uh,
do not remove, uh..

Do not stab
roommate in the back.

Well, if you change
your mind, I'll be around.

Hi, Kimberly. Hi, Obie.

‐ Hi. ‐ Hey.

Well, Overton, tell
Kyle I stopped by.

Hey, shnicky‐yukums.

That girl just
made a pass at me.

‐ What? ‐ Yeah!

She was standing
behind me telling me

she was enjoying the
view, and I wasn't wearing

my picturesque Grand
Canyon two belt, so..

Okay, I bet a little slap
boxing will stop her sightseeing.

‐ Hey, now. Come here.
‐ How could.. Unh‐unh..

Come on, come on. Violence
is not gonna solve anything, girl.

Oh, I see.

Some heifer comes in
here looking at your butt..

And suddenly you're Gandhi.

Just, just calm down.
Look, I'll tell Kyle.

He will kick it to the curve

we'll never see
her again, alright?

Alright, Obie,
we'll do it your way.

But that little heifer don't
know who's she messing with.

I'm from Minnesota, yo.

Man, where is John? The
party started 15 minutes ago.

Hey, John.

Yeah, I thought you
were gonna pick me up..

What?

‐ Hello. ‐ 'Um?'

Hello.

What happened?

He said he can't see me anymore.

Oh, no!

I mean, that was
so weird, you know

he‐he said something
about releasing me

like a thousand doves.

I, I cannot believe that
John just broke up with me.

'Oh, girl.'

Well, maybe he's not himself.

I mean, that whole release
me like a thousand doves thing..

That is just crazy!

I'm in shock here.

It's just, see with John,
it wasn't just dating.

Y‐you know, I mean, we,
we had a real friendship.

Is it me?

Could I be high maintenance?

Oh, my God, I‐I‐I gotta go,
and, and curl up in my ruffler

and comforter and slip
on my satin eyeshades.

Max, what the hell did you do?

I, okay, I'm not sure.
Alright, okay, listen.

I‐I just wanted to see
what the "Dear John" letter

would like on paper, alright?

And then I wanted to
see what they would like

over a forgery of
writing signature

and then I guess I wanted
to see what it looked like

going to a mailbox, and
it's not as if, it's not as if.

Khadija didn't have
anything to do with this.

‐ Don't you put this
on me. ‐ Oh, no, no, no.

You're the one that said

John should tell her
it's over if she called.

That's what made it sing.

That was pretty good.

Oh, I can't believe you two.

I mean, sure, some
relationship should end

like when someone you
knows boyfriend's being hit on

by his roommate's
girlfriend, sure!

But Regine and John
really liked each other.

Look, Max, if you
don't tell Regine, I will.

Oh, come on.
Regine's upset enough.

She'll be devastated
if she found out

that we are... responsible.

Now, just listen, at least
tell John it was a joke.

Maybe he will forgive you
and get back with Regine.

Synclaire, we maliciously
destroyed a relationship

that meant everything to him.

He would have to be
a pretty pathetic slug

to forgive us for that.

‐ Let's do this.
‐ Alright, let's go.

What's up, brother?

Hey, Kyle, uh, can I
talk to you for a minute?

‐ It's kinda important. ‐ What?

Uh, your girl, Kimberly,
made a pass at me

and I wanted to let you know

so you can give her the
ol' heave‐ho, so to speak.

Come on, man,
clearly you must've

misunderstood
something she said.

Na, no mistake knowing
a girl looked at me.

She looked at me like I
was a big glass of water

and let me tell you she was
thirsty for a cool sip of Obie.

Um... no offense, Obie, but
when you have fillet mignon

on your plate, you
do not reach over

and grab a chicken
wing off the next table.

Yeah, but if the fillet
is a little overdone..

And, uh, pretty fired with
all kind of fancy sauces

ah, them chicken wings
start looking mighty tasty

now, don't they?

You know, Overton,
you are absolutely right.

I mean, clearly, Kimberly
could not help herself.

Look at you. You are
a walking aphrodisiac.

I am surprised you are
not covered with bruises

from all the women who
have thrown themselves at you.

Now, if you will excuse
me, I must go upstairs

and strap down all
the furniture before

the Earth shifts on its axis
from all the hordes of females

rushing to this hemisphere
just to be nearer to you.

Alright, laugh it up.

Let me see how clever you are

when you catch your
woman admiring my ass.

Khadija, Max. Friends
of Regine, come on in.

Can I get you anything?

I, I've got a pot
roast in the freezer

I can thaw it out in
a couple of hours.

No, we'll never
be here that long.

What.. Slow down
there, Khadijah, I mean..

We're talking about
someone's emotions here.

Do you do those little
oven roasted potatoes?

What, uh, what
brings you guys here?

Did Regine change her mind?

No, Regine doesn't
even know we are here.

She also doesn't know
about that letter you got.

W‐what do you mean?

‐ Well, we‐‐ ‐ You.

One of us‐s‐s... wrote
that letter as a joke

and signed Regine's name to it.

"Our future will
be world's apart..

"We must go our separate ways..

Release me like a 1000 doves."

Poetry by Maxine Angelou.
Thank you very much.

You‐you couldn't
have written that letter.

Only Regine's words
could kill me so softly.

Okay, I guess I
gotta tell you the truth.

Max broke you two up

because she wanted
you for herself.

Please.

Look, look, alright, I did
write that letter, alright, I did.

I wrote that letter.
You wanna know why?

Because I was tired of
watching Regine step all over you.

Come on, man, stand
up for yourself. Be a man.

Grow up that ball. Get
up in there. Go for yours.

Come on.

Well, I‐I‐I guess you're right.

You know, I‐I've always had a
hard time standing up for myself

e‐e‐especially for women.

Look, John, I know
it may seem like.

Regine wants you to
be her Mr. Belvedere

but she would be much
better off with a man

who could just stand
his ground, you know.

Well, I‐I‐I can stand my ground.

I mean, if that's
what she wants.

But y‐y‐y‐you are asking me
to change my entire personality

and that's gonna take at
least an hour and a half?

I love this time of year.

Winter is over,
but there is still

that refreshing snap in the air.

You're right, I'm freezing.

Me too.

You know, in some
cultures, sharing a blanket

constitutes marriage.

Oh.

Oh, hey, it's raining, let's go.

Oh, look.

Well, if it isn't Kyle
and everybody's friend.

Am I missing something?

For some inane reason, Overton
thinks you made a pass at him.

I was simply
letting Overton know

that I think he is a
very... very sexy man.

Give my blanket.

Look, Overton is my roommate.

What the hell were you thinking?

I am not the kind of person
who holds back her feelings.

I think people should just
do what makes them happy.

Okay, and you
are absolutely right

and nothing would make
me happier right now

then watching you walk right
down those stairs. Goodbye.

Kyle, I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings.

And I want you to know I
think you're a very special man.

‐ You too. ‐ Oh, no, you didn't.

O‐o‐out! Get out! Time to go.

Hey, where is Regine? John
is gonna be here any minute.

You know how Regine
cheers herself up.

She probably rented
a horse drawn carriage

and is riding
around Central Park

pretending she is royalty.

Hey, you two, uh, this is Keith.

‐ Keith, that's Khadija.
‐ 'How you doin'?'

‐ And this is Max. ‐
Hi, nice to meet you.

Hi.

Who the hell is this?

‐ Have a seat. ‐ Thanks.

Well, girls, I went
down to the studio

to take my mind
off things, you know

and, uh, Keith was there.

See, he has been
painting a mural in the lobby

for the last three weeks.

Yeah, but I was
captivated by Regine's smile

'and I was very
impressed by the fact'

that she realized
that the black splatters

on my mural represented death.

Well, they were
too big to be crows.

‐ Excuse us. ‐ Excuse me.

‐ Pardon me. ‐ Sure.

Yeah.. Excuse me,
excuse me. Here, oh, look.

Hey, take this,
young feller. Ha ha ha.

Look, um, you know, lean forward
because the batteries are weak.

Alright, Regine, what's up?

Isn't Keith something? I
mean, he is handsome.

He is cool, he's, he
is kind, he is strong

and his painting sell
for quite a bit of money

and he ain't even dead yet.

Well, forget Keith.

We talked to John, and he
realizes he made a mistake.

You guys did that for me?

‐ Yeah. ‐ Yes.

Well, that is really sweet

but I don't think that
John is good for me.

You know, I mean, he already
does everything that I ask.

So there is really no room
for the relationship to grow

now is there?

See... had we just
let well enough alone

we'd be home free right now.

Hey, we got to stop
John before he gets here.

Please, Khadija,
it's no big deal.

Alright, girl, give
me a call, alright.

Don't even try. Come on.

I‐I'll get it, I'll get it.

I got it. I got it.

‐ Hey, can I talk.. ‐
Alright, brother, we need to..

Step aside, ladies. Step aside.

John, um, this‐‐.

Regine, I'm just going to
come right out and say it.

It's time for me to move on

and, uh, I'm sure you'll
find someone eventually.

Gee, John, I hope you're right.

Um, Regine, if we are
gonna make this movie

we should get going.

Uh, okay.

Oh, I see. It's like that.

La Viva, enjoy your little
movie. I don't need you.

I'm gonna be alright.

You come with some
baggage, don't you?

Well, you have really
showed me something today.

There is more than
one way to be disturbed.

I‐I finally stood up for myself

and‐and it wasn't
as hard as I thought.

Matter of fact, it
gave me a little buzz.

Come on, Max, let's go.

Hey, what the
hell are you doing?

Don't worry, it's okay.

I just want you to know I
feel the same about you

as you do about me.

Then the thought of me
touching you is making

you wanna throw up, get the..

Now see, the old John would
have taken that as objection

but you have given me strength,
and you will reap the reward.

I don't want to reap.

Okay, okay, you need time,
take all the time you like.

I'll pick you up at 8
o'clock tomorrow night.

I won't be here.

Well, then I'll come
back when you are

because our love is
stronger than the both of us.

So, um, when you and your
man having us over for pot roast?

We will be right back.

'Ooh, let's see, we
got, uh, pot roast'

little oven roasted
potatoes, broccoli, and a..

Zesty cheese sauce.

Garlic bread, of
course with toss salad

'and an assortment of olives.'

This is quite a feast. Mmm.

Well, cooking makes me happy

and I believe people should
do what makes them happy.

Oh, I couldn't agree more

but, uh, what are we gonna
do with all this extra food?

Oh, I did cook
a little too much.

Is your roommate
gonna be home soon?

Woo‐hoo!