Lip Sync Battle (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Stephen Merchant vs. Malin Akerman - full transcript
Comic and writer Stephen Merchant goes head-to-head with actress Malin Akerman.
[T. Rex's "20th Century Boy" playing]
♪ Friends say it's fine,
friends say it's good ♪
♪ everybody says it's
just like rock 'n' roll ♪
♪ ohhhhhhh ♪
♪ well, it's plain to see
you were meant for me, yeah ♪
♪ and I'm your boy,
your 20th century toy ♪
[Feedback]
[Cheers and applause]
Teigen: He's got two Grammys
and two fists to knock fools out.
Please welcome our host, LL Cool J.
Welcome to "Lip Sync
Battle." You know what it is.
You've seen it on TV,
you've seen it online,
you've seen it everywhere, so
you know the game is simple.
Two stars lip-sync two songs.
The audience decides who
did it the best, okay?
[Cheers and applause]
The songs the performers picked
are aimed to psych out their opponent.
They picked songs knowing the
audience is looking for a degree
of difficulty, style, lip-sync ability.
We clear?
[Cheers and applause]
Right now, here to help me
out is our color commentator,
my girl Chrissy Teigen.
[Rap music playing]
She'll be throwing down her
totally uncut reactions tonight.
Go, Chrissy.
So, at stake is more than
pride, bragging rights,
and showing you have lip-sync swag.
The winner will take home
the ultimate trophy...
the lip sync championship belt.
Chrissy, can you show them the grand prize?
Look at this thing. Is that not amazing?
Have you ever seen a belt like this before?
[Cheers and applause]
Yeah, get it, yeah. Shine it up.
You guys ready for a battle?
[Cheers and applause]
First up, she's a TV star, a movie star.
She's an amazing actress.
Malin Akerman.
[Cheers and applause]
Let's meet Malin's opponent.
He is the 1998 English
lip-syncing champion,
who has come out of retirement
for this one-time match.
Everybody, look way, way up
in the sky at Stephen Merchant.
[Cheers and applause]
Yeah, right there.
Oh, wow.
[British accent] Good luck,
sweet cheeks. Good luck.
- Good luck, sugar bum.
- Oh, my goodness.
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh, a little gamesmanship.
- Don't call me "sweet cheeks."
- Just chill. Just chill, sweet.
[Laughter] Okay...
I like the fake British accent. It's great.
Thank you.
Now, Stephen demanded that he goes first.
Stephen, have a seat in the lounge.
[Laughter]
The V.I.P. lounge.
Malin, come on over.
[Cheers and applause]
So, Malin.
Yes.
What is the story?
'Cause I heard it's an intense story.
What is the story behind your first pick?
Well, you know, it's funny,
because I was on the plane with
Stephen Merchant years back,
and, you know, we were
sitting beside each other,
and he had a couple drinks
in, and he got a little saucy,
and he started talking [Bleep] to me.
Mm.
And in the middle of our conversation,
he goes, "you know, I want
to pour some sugar on you."
I was like, "you want to what?"
Stephen's a freak?
[Laughter]
To be fair, I was drunk. I was drunk.
[Laughs]
So, what song, exactly, are
you gonna do for the people?
Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me."
[Cheers and applause]
[Intro plays]
♪ Love is like a bomb,
baby, come on, get it on ♪
♪ livin' like a lover
with a radar phone ♪
♪ lookin' like a tramp,
like a video vamp ♪
♪ demolition woman,
can I be your man? ♪
♪ Your man ♪
♪ razzle and dazzle and
flash a little light ♪
♪ television lover,
baby, go all night ♪
♪ sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet ♪
♪ little miss innocent, sugar me ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ come on! ♪
♪ Take a bottle ♪
♪ take a bottle ♪
♪ shake it up ♪
♪ shake it up ♪
♪ break the bubble ♪
♪ break it up ♪
♪ break it up ♪
♪ pour some sugar on me ♪
♪ ooh, in the name of love ♪
♪ pour some sugar on me ♪
♪ come on, fire me up ♪
♪ pour your sugar on me ♪
♪ I can't get enough ♪
♪ I'm hot, sticky, sweet ♪
♪ from my head to my feet, yeah ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Thank you.
This is not fair.
It's really not fair at all.
But I was... I didn't realize
we were allowed to use our sex appeal.
[Laughter]
You still got your chance.
You still have your chance,
Stephen. You can do it now.
Some of that, frankly,
young lady, was pornographic.
Yeah.
Your mother's backstage, woman!
I saw her.
She taught me everything I know.
- She...
- Oh, yes.
Did you want to pour sugar on her?
Actually, I have... I have everything.
[Crowd cheering]
Well, I like it dirty.
My dream came true!
- Don't slip and fall on your sugar,
now. Stephen, Stephen, Stephen,
Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
We're gonna get arrested.
Yeah, we... no, you're gonna get arrested.
Good luck, Stephen.
You was throwing a lot of
sugar around there, big boy.
I thought this was a classy show, ll.
I was under that impression, too.
I didn't realize we were
dealing with vulgarians.
Stephen...
I could have brought a one-piece catsuit.
Excuse me.
[Chuckles] Your pride is
on the line, all right?
A little freaky, a little kinky.
Yeah. What's your first song?
Well, as Malin's already hinted,
when people look at me,
they think of sex symbol.
Yes.
And they think of my
deep, rich, olive skin.
Yes.
So what better choice than
Enrique Iglesias' "Hero"?
[Cheers and applause]
[Intro plays]
Let me be your hero.
♪ Would you dance if
I asked you to dance? ♪
♪ Would you run and never look back? ♪
[Laughs]
♪ Would you cry if you saw me crying? ♪
♪ Would you save my soul tonight? ♪
♪ I can be your hero, baby ♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪ I can kiss away the pain ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
♪ I will stand by you forever ♪
♪ you can take my breath away ♪
♪ quiero ser tu héroe ♪
♪ si pudiera ser tu dios ♪
♪ porque salvarte a ti mil veces ♪
♪ puede ser mi salvación ♪
♪ you can take my breath away ♪
♪ I can be your hero ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Teigen: Good.
Good.
Good. Look at him now.
The lights were in my eyes.
I was singing to a woman, right?
[Laughter]
No, actually, it was this dude over here
with the lumberjack shirt.
[Laughter]
I mean, you really are a Latin lover.
Thank you very much.
Why do you know that?
Uh, well, you know...
Have you been reading my journal again?
Absolutely, I've been all in your journal.
[Laughter]
Malin, was that not amazing?
Yeah, it was not amazing, yeah.
[Crowd booing]
I'm just joking.
[Laughs]
Stephen and Malin are
both off to a great start,
but that's just how I saw it.
Miss Chrissy Teigen, what'd you think?
I mean, on one end, we have the
stripper song of the century.
Malin, that was fantastic.
Oh, with the sugar?
Somebody in here has
heard that at a strip club.
That's not just me.
[Laughter] I didn't even know...
one of my biggest weaknesses
is a Brit speaking Spanish.
Ooh.
And I thought it was pretty good.
All right. See you later, mate.
[Laughter]
[Cheers and applause]
Come on. Okay.
LL Cool J: Okay, so, it's game on
between Malin Akerman and Stephen Merchant.
Stay tuned for more.
"Lip Sync Battle" will be right back.
♪ Pour some sugar on me ♪
That was fast.
♪ In the name of love ♪
♪ pour some sugar on me ♪
[cheers and applause]
Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."
It's time for round two,
where these fearsome opponents
get to pull out crazy moves,
backup dancers, and literally
anything they can dream up.
Malin's up first,
so let's check out how
she got ready for action.
_
Because Stephen Merchant in
real life is a [Bleep] asshole.
He's always talking about all
his, like, "Flashdance" moves
that he's got.
And I was like, "you know what, Merchant?"
We're gonna bring it,
and everyone's gonna
see what a dick you are
"and how your 'Flashdance' moves
are not so flashy after all."
Those fake British people. [Chuckles]
_
- _
- _
_
_
Oh, god. Oh, god.
Hey, Stephen, you fake [Bleep] Brit,
I'm gonna [Bleep] bring you down
like a mother[Bleep] brick house, boy.
Oh, my god, it's starting, it's starting!
Teigen: LL Cool J.
[Cheers and applause]
[Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty" plays]
Aah! [Laughs]
Ha, get jazzy on it.
♪ I'm that flight that you get on ♪
♪ international ♪
♪ first-class seat on my lap, girl ♪
♪ ridin' comfortable ♪
♪ ha, 'cause I know what
the girl, them need ♪
♪ New York to Haiti ♪
♪ I got lipstick
stamps on my passport ♪
♪ you make it hard to leave ♪
♪ been around the world,
don't speak the language ♪
♪ but your booty don't need explainin' ♪
♪ all I really need to understand is ♪
♪ when you talk dirty to me ♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪ Talk dirty to me ♪
♪ talk dirty to me ♪
♪ talk dirty to me ♪
♪ get jazzy on it ♪
♪ you know the words to my songs ♪
♪ no habla inglés ♪
♪ our conversations ain't long ♪
♪ but you know what is ♪
♪ I know what the girl, them want ♪
♪ London to Taiwan ♪
♪ I got lipstick
stamps on my passport ♪
♪ I think I need a new one ♪
♪ talk dirty to me ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Oh, man.
Damn, I like your style.
[Laughs] Thanks.
Dang, you look like you jumped
in my closet or something.
[Laughter]
Stephen, what did you think
of Malin's performance?
Listen, LL.
You know that I am
one of the most fierce
lip-sync competitors.
I know. And a veteran of the game.
But fair is fair.
I felt Malin there gave you a
run for your own hip-hop flow.
[Cheers and applause]
That's why I'm the host.
[Laughs] When it's over, it's over.
[Laughter]
Chrissy, what did you think?
She's, like, the most adorable
gangster I've ever seen.
She looks like if American Girl dolls
made, like, a thug Samantha.
[Laughter]
I love it.
Well, Malin, you go
over there with Stephen.
Tell him where he can
buy some illegal guns at.
[Cheers and applause]
That was dirty, dirty good.
Stay tuned for more Stephen
Merchant and Malin Akerman
on "Lip Sync Battle."
♪ Talk dirty to me ♪
Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."
The world is about to
find out who gets to win
the most coveted championship
belt in the universe.
Stephen is about to break out
the performance of his life.
Let's see how he plans to
one-up his lovely opponent.
Right now, I'm at intensity level 4.
But when I hit that
stage, I'm gonna be 4 1/2.
I would be lying if I
said I wasn't nervous.
But I'm gonna use that nervousness
as an energy that I can feed off,
like a giant tyrannosaurus rex
devouring the rotting corpse of... anxiety.
Does that metaphor work? I
feel like it got complicated.
Merchant, you've got this.
Don't think about her.
Just think about yourself.
Don't think about all the kids
that laughed and pointed
at you at school and said,
"oh, look, here's the giant, lanky freak."
Don't think about what your mother said...
"oh, Steve, you'll never
amount to anything."
Focus, enjoy, 'cause it's your time.
Malin, watch out, because
I dance like a butterfly
and I sting like a butterfly.
[Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty" plays]
♪ If you ain't dirty,
you ain't here to party! ♪
♪ Ladies, move, gentlemen, move ♪
♪ somebody ring the
alarm, a fire in the room ♪
♪ ooh, I'm overdue ♪
♪ gimme some room, comin' through ♪
♪ paid my dues, I'm in the mood ♪
♪ me and my girls come
to shake the room ♪
♪ deejay spinnin', show your hands ♪
♪ let's get dirty, that's my jam ♪
♪ I need that uhh to get me off ♪
♪ sweatin' till my clothes come off ♪
♪ it's explosive,
speakers are thumpin' ♪
♪ still jumpin' 6:00 in the morning ♪
♪ table dancin', glasses are crashin' ♪
♪ no question, time for some action ♪
♪ temperature's up ♪
♪ 'bout to erupt ♪
♪ gonna get my girls, get your boys ♪
♪ gonna make some noise ♪
♪ gonna get rowdy ♪
♪ gonna get a little unruly ♪
♪ get it fired up in a hurry ♪
♪ wanna get dirty ♪
♪ oh, oh ♪
♪ here it comes ♪
♪ it's the one you been waitin' on ♪
♪ get up, get it rough,
yup, that's what's up ♪
♪ givin' just what you
love to the maximum ♪
♪ uh-oh ♪
♪ here we go, here we go ♪
♪ what to do when the
music starts to drop ♪
♪ that's when we take
it to the parkin' lot ♪
♪ and I bet you somebody's
gonna call the cops ♪
♪ uh-oh ♪
♪ here we go, here we go ♪
♪ who-o-o-h, yeah ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Teigen: [Laughs]
Oh, my god.
That was amazing.
[Cheering continues]
LL...
If you want to... if you
want to stay in this game,
give the people what they want.
[Cheers and applause]
You under-promised and over-delivered.
Yo.
Malin, talk to me.
Talk dirty to me.
I mean, Stephen... [laughs]
I... I...
What do you think of the leather chaps?
I like what's happening in
between the leather chaps,
first of all.
Is it a sock?
Teigen: [Laughs]
[Crowd cheers]
[Laughter]
Yo, I...
[cheers and applause]
Do you like that?
I thought it'd be worse.
[Laughter]
Now, that... that is...
You know you're on TV, right?
- I know. I'm so sorry.
- What did you think?
I don't know.
I had all of these notes written down,
and then it just all went to [Bleep]
honestly, just... just awesome.
You did great.
Malin, fantastic.
I love that song.
But what just happened?
I mean, that was amazing.
[Laughs]
There's a time before you saw this
and a time after, and
you can never go back.
[Laughter]
Oh, Steve, have... just have a seat.
Just sit down, and... no,
no, not that seat, though,
'cause I sit there, and
it's gonna be all moist.
Sit on that seat. Oh.
Stay tuned to see who wins
the lip sync championship belt.
We'll find out in a moment.
[Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty" plays]
♪ Talk dirty to me ♪
Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."
You've seen both sugary sweet
and really nasty performances.
And now the moment has come.
Chrissy, the belt, please.
And now... who takes it home
is up to you guys, all right?
Ready for the big moment?
[Cheers and applause]
Is the winner... Malin Akerman?
[Cheers and applause]
Or is the winner Stephen Merchant?
[Cheers and applause]
And the winner is... Stephen Merchant!
[Cheers and applause]
Give him a round of applause, y'all.
Well, Stephen and Malin,
thank you very much for
a great night of fun.
I truly appreciate both of you.
And make sure you check out
our next "Lip Sync Battle."
I'm LL Cool J, and for
me, Chrissy, and everyone
in the lip sync crew, good night.
And remember, knock 'em out the box, L.
Knock 'em out, L.
♪ It's explosive,
speakers are thumpin' ♪
♪ still jumpin' 6:00 in the morning ♪
♪ table dancin', glasses are crashin' ♪
♪ no question, time for some action ♪
♪ temperature's up ♪
♪ 'bout to erupt ♪
♪ gonna get my girls, get your boys ♪
♪ gonna make some noise ♪
♪ gonna get rowdy ♪
♪ gonna get a little unruly ♪
♪ get it fired up in a hurry ♪
♪ wanna get dirty ♪
♪ it's about time that I
came to start the party ♪
♪ sweat drippin' over my ♪
♪ Friends say it's fine,
friends say it's good ♪
♪ everybody says it's
just like rock 'n' roll ♪
♪ ohhhhhhh ♪
♪ well, it's plain to see
you were meant for me, yeah ♪
♪ and I'm your boy,
your 20th century toy ♪
[Feedback]
[Cheers and applause]
Teigen: He's got two Grammys
and two fists to knock fools out.
Please welcome our host, LL Cool J.
Welcome to "Lip Sync
Battle." You know what it is.
You've seen it on TV,
you've seen it online,
you've seen it everywhere, so
you know the game is simple.
Two stars lip-sync two songs.
The audience decides who
did it the best, okay?
[Cheers and applause]
The songs the performers picked
are aimed to psych out their opponent.
They picked songs knowing the
audience is looking for a degree
of difficulty, style, lip-sync ability.
We clear?
[Cheers and applause]
Right now, here to help me
out is our color commentator,
my girl Chrissy Teigen.
[Rap music playing]
She'll be throwing down her
totally uncut reactions tonight.
Go, Chrissy.
So, at stake is more than
pride, bragging rights,
and showing you have lip-sync swag.
The winner will take home
the ultimate trophy...
the lip sync championship belt.
Chrissy, can you show them the grand prize?
Look at this thing. Is that not amazing?
Have you ever seen a belt like this before?
[Cheers and applause]
Yeah, get it, yeah. Shine it up.
You guys ready for a battle?
[Cheers and applause]
First up, she's a TV star, a movie star.
She's an amazing actress.
Malin Akerman.
[Cheers and applause]
Let's meet Malin's opponent.
He is the 1998 English
lip-syncing champion,
who has come out of retirement
for this one-time match.
Everybody, look way, way up
in the sky at Stephen Merchant.
[Cheers and applause]
Yeah, right there.
Oh, wow.
[British accent] Good luck,
sweet cheeks. Good luck.
- Good luck, sugar bum.
- Oh, my goodness.
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh, a little gamesmanship.
- Don't call me "sweet cheeks."
- Just chill. Just chill, sweet.
[Laughter] Okay...
I like the fake British accent. It's great.
Thank you.
Now, Stephen demanded that he goes first.
Stephen, have a seat in the lounge.
[Laughter]
The V.I.P. lounge.
Malin, come on over.
[Cheers and applause]
So, Malin.
Yes.
What is the story?
'Cause I heard it's an intense story.
What is the story behind your first pick?
Well, you know, it's funny,
because I was on the plane with
Stephen Merchant years back,
and, you know, we were
sitting beside each other,
and he had a couple drinks
in, and he got a little saucy,
and he started talking [Bleep] to me.
Mm.
And in the middle of our conversation,
he goes, "you know, I want
to pour some sugar on you."
I was like, "you want to what?"
Stephen's a freak?
[Laughter]
To be fair, I was drunk. I was drunk.
[Laughs]
So, what song, exactly, are
you gonna do for the people?
Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me."
[Cheers and applause]
[Intro plays]
♪ Love is like a bomb,
baby, come on, get it on ♪
♪ livin' like a lover
with a radar phone ♪
♪ lookin' like a tramp,
like a video vamp ♪
♪ demolition woman,
can I be your man? ♪
♪ Your man ♪
♪ razzle and dazzle and
flash a little light ♪
♪ television lover,
baby, go all night ♪
♪ sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet ♪
♪ little miss innocent, sugar me ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ come on! ♪
♪ Take a bottle ♪
♪ take a bottle ♪
♪ shake it up ♪
♪ shake it up ♪
♪ break the bubble ♪
♪ break it up ♪
♪ break it up ♪
♪ pour some sugar on me ♪
♪ ooh, in the name of love ♪
♪ pour some sugar on me ♪
♪ come on, fire me up ♪
♪ pour your sugar on me ♪
♪ I can't get enough ♪
♪ I'm hot, sticky, sweet ♪
♪ from my head to my feet, yeah ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Thank you.
This is not fair.
It's really not fair at all.
But I was... I didn't realize
we were allowed to use our sex appeal.
[Laughter]
You still got your chance.
You still have your chance,
Stephen. You can do it now.
Some of that, frankly,
young lady, was pornographic.
Yeah.
Your mother's backstage, woman!
I saw her.
She taught me everything I know.
- She...
- Oh, yes.
Did you want to pour sugar on her?
Actually, I have... I have everything.
[Crowd cheering]
Well, I like it dirty.
My dream came true!
- Don't slip and fall on your sugar,
now. Stephen, Stephen, Stephen,
Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.
We're gonna get arrested.
Yeah, we... no, you're gonna get arrested.
Good luck, Stephen.
You was throwing a lot of
sugar around there, big boy.
I thought this was a classy show, ll.
I was under that impression, too.
I didn't realize we were
dealing with vulgarians.
Stephen...
I could have brought a one-piece catsuit.
Excuse me.
[Chuckles] Your pride is
on the line, all right?
A little freaky, a little kinky.
Yeah. What's your first song?
Well, as Malin's already hinted,
when people look at me,
they think of sex symbol.
Yes.
And they think of my
deep, rich, olive skin.
Yes.
So what better choice than
Enrique Iglesias' "Hero"?
[Cheers and applause]
[Intro plays]
Let me be your hero.
♪ Would you dance if
I asked you to dance? ♪
♪ Would you run and never look back? ♪
[Laughs]
♪ Would you cry if you saw me crying? ♪
♪ Would you save my soul tonight? ♪
♪ I can be your hero, baby ♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪ I can kiss away the pain ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
♪ I will stand by you forever ♪
♪ you can take my breath away ♪
♪ quiero ser tu héroe ♪
♪ si pudiera ser tu dios ♪
♪ porque salvarte a ti mil veces ♪
♪ puede ser mi salvación ♪
♪ you can take my breath away ♪
♪ I can be your hero ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Teigen: Good.
Good.
Good. Look at him now.
The lights were in my eyes.
I was singing to a woman, right?
[Laughter]
No, actually, it was this dude over here
with the lumberjack shirt.
[Laughter]
I mean, you really are a Latin lover.
Thank you very much.
Why do you know that?
Uh, well, you know...
Have you been reading my journal again?
Absolutely, I've been all in your journal.
[Laughter]
Malin, was that not amazing?
Yeah, it was not amazing, yeah.
[Crowd booing]
I'm just joking.
[Laughs]
Stephen and Malin are
both off to a great start,
but that's just how I saw it.
Miss Chrissy Teigen, what'd you think?
I mean, on one end, we have the
stripper song of the century.
Malin, that was fantastic.
Oh, with the sugar?
Somebody in here has
heard that at a strip club.
That's not just me.
[Laughter] I didn't even know...
one of my biggest weaknesses
is a Brit speaking Spanish.
Ooh.
And I thought it was pretty good.
All right. See you later, mate.
[Laughter]
[Cheers and applause]
Come on. Okay.
LL Cool J: Okay, so, it's game on
between Malin Akerman and Stephen Merchant.
Stay tuned for more.
"Lip Sync Battle" will be right back.
♪ Pour some sugar on me ♪
That was fast.
♪ In the name of love ♪
♪ pour some sugar on me ♪
[cheers and applause]
Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."
It's time for round two,
where these fearsome opponents
get to pull out crazy moves,
backup dancers, and literally
anything they can dream up.
Malin's up first,
so let's check out how
she got ready for action.
_
Because Stephen Merchant in
real life is a [Bleep] asshole.
He's always talking about all
his, like, "Flashdance" moves
that he's got.
And I was like, "you know what, Merchant?"
We're gonna bring it,
and everyone's gonna
see what a dick you are
"and how your 'Flashdance' moves
are not so flashy after all."
Those fake British people. [Chuckles]
_
- _
- _
_
_
Oh, god. Oh, god.
Hey, Stephen, you fake [Bleep] Brit,
I'm gonna [Bleep] bring you down
like a mother[Bleep] brick house, boy.
Oh, my god, it's starting, it's starting!
Teigen: LL Cool J.
[Cheers and applause]
[Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty" plays]
Aah! [Laughs]
Ha, get jazzy on it.
♪ I'm that flight that you get on ♪
♪ international ♪
♪ first-class seat on my lap, girl ♪
♪ ridin' comfortable ♪
♪ ha, 'cause I know what
the girl, them need ♪
♪ New York to Haiti ♪
♪ I got lipstick
stamps on my passport ♪
♪ you make it hard to leave ♪
♪ been around the world,
don't speak the language ♪
♪ but your booty don't need explainin' ♪
♪ all I really need to understand is ♪
♪ when you talk dirty to me ♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪ Talk dirty to me ♪
♪ talk dirty to me ♪
♪ talk dirty to me ♪
♪ get jazzy on it ♪
♪ you know the words to my songs ♪
♪ no habla inglés ♪
♪ our conversations ain't long ♪
♪ but you know what is ♪
♪ I know what the girl, them want ♪
♪ London to Taiwan ♪
♪ I got lipstick
stamps on my passport ♪
♪ I think I need a new one ♪
♪ talk dirty to me ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Oh, man.
Damn, I like your style.
[Laughs] Thanks.
Dang, you look like you jumped
in my closet or something.
[Laughter]
Stephen, what did you think
of Malin's performance?
Listen, LL.
You know that I am
one of the most fierce
lip-sync competitors.
I know. And a veteran of the game.
But fair is fair.
I felt Malin there gave you a
run for your own hip-hop flow.
[Cheers and applause]
That's why I'm the host.
[Laughs] When it's over, it's over.
[Laughter]
Chrissy, what did you think?
She's, like, the most adorable
gangster I've ever seen.
She looks like if American Girl dolls
made, like, a thug Samantha.
[Laughter]
I love it.
Well, Malin, you go
over there with Stephen.
Tell him where he can
buy some illegal guns at.
[Cheers and applause]
That was dirty, dirty good.
Stay tuned for more Stephen
Merchant and Malin Akerman
on "Lip Sync Battle."
♪ Talk dirty to me ♪
Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."
The world is about to
find out who gets to win
the most coveted championship
belt in the universe.
Stephen is about to break out
the performance of his life.
Let's see how he plans to
one-up his lovely opponent.
Right now, I'm at intensity level 4.
But when I hit that
stage, I'm gonna be 4 1/2.
I would be lying if I
said I wasn't nervous.
But I'm gonna use that nervousness
as an energy that I can feed off,
like a giant tyrannosaurus rex
devouring the rotting corpse of... anxiety.
Does that metaphor work? I
feel like it got complicated.
Merchant, you've got this.
Don't think about her.
Just think about yourself.
Don't think about all the kids
that laughed and pointed
at you at school and said,
"oh, look, here's the giant, lanky freak."
Don't think about what your mother said...
"oh, Steve, you'll never
amount to anything."
Focus, enjoy, 'cause it's your time.
Malin, watch out, because
I dance like a butterfly
and I sting like a butterfly.
[Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty" plays]
♪ If you ain't dirty,
you ain't here to party! ♪
♪ Ladies, move, gentlemen, move ♪
♪ somebody ring the
alarm, a fire in the room ♪
♪ ooh, I'm overdue ♪
♪ gimme some room, comin' through ♪
♪ paid my dues, I'm in the mood ♪
♪ me and my girls come
to shake the room ♪
♪ deejay spinnin', show your hands ♪
♪ let's get dirty, that's my jam ♪
♪ I need that uhh to get me off ♪
♪ sweatin' till my clothes come off ♪
♪ it's explosive,
speakers are thumpin' ♪
♪ still jumpin' 6:00 in the morning ♪
♪ table dancin', glasses are crashin' ♪
♪ no question, time for some action ♪
♪ temperature's up ♪
♪ 'bout to erupt ♪
♪ gonna get my girls, get your boys ♪
♪ gonna make some noise ♪
♪ gonna get rowdy ♪
♪ gonna get a little unruly ♪
♪ get it fired up in a hurry ♪
♪ wanna get dirty ♪
♪ oh, oh ♪
♪ here it comes ♪
♪ it's the one you been waitin' on ♪
♪ get up, get it rough,
yup, that's what's up ♪
♪ givin' just what you
love to the maximum ♪
♪ uh-oh ♪
♪ here we go, here we go ♪
♪ what to do when the
music starts to drop ♪
♪ that's when we take
it to the parkin' lot ♪
♪ and I bet you somebody's
gonna call the cops ♪
♪ uh-oh ♪
♪ here we go, here we go ♪
♪ who-o-o-h, yeah ♪
[Cheers and applause]
Teigen: [Laughs]
Oh, my god.
That was amazing.
[Cheering continues]
LL...
If you want to... if you
want to stay in this game,
give the people what they want.
[Cheers and applause]
You under-promised and over-delivered.
Yo.
Malin, talk to me.
Talk dirty to me.
I mean, Stephen... [laughs]
I... I...
What do you think of the leather chaps?
I like what's happening in
between the leather chaps,
first of all.
Is it a sock?
Teigen: [Laughs]
[Crowd cheers]
[Laughter]
Yo, I...
[cheers and applause]
Do you like that?
I thought it'd be worse.
[Laughter]
Now, that... that is...
You know you're on TV, right?
- I know. I'm so sorry.
- What did you think?
I don't know.
I had all of these notes written down,
and then it just all went to [Bleep]
honestly, just... just awesome.
You did great.
Malin, fantastic.
I love that song.
But what just happened?
I mean, that was amazing.
[Laughs]
There's a time before you saw this
and a time after, and
you can never go back.
[Laughter]
Oh, Steve, have... just have a seat.
Just sit down, and... no,
no, not that seat, though,
'cause I sit there, and
it's gonna be all moist.
Sit on that seat. Oh.
Stay tuned to see who wins
the lip sync championship belt.
We'll find out in a moment.
[Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty" plays]
♪ Talk dirty to me ♪
Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."
You've seen both sugary sweet
and really nasty performances.
And now the moment has come.
Chrissy, the belt, please.
And now... who takes it home
is up to you guys, all right?
Ready for the big moment?
[Cheers and applause]
Is the winner... Malin Akerman?
[Cheers and applause]
Or is the winner Stephen Merchant?
[Cheers and applause]
And the winner is... Stephen Merchant!
[Cheers and applause]
Give him a round of applause, y'all.
Well, Stephen and Malin,
thank you very much for
a great night of fun.
I truly appreciate both of you.
And make sure you check out
our next "Lip Sync Battle."
I'm LL Cool J, and for
me, Chrissy, and everyone
in the lip sync crew, good night.
And remember, knock 'em out the box, L.
Knock 'em out, L.
♪ It's explosive,
speakers are thumpin' ♪
♪ still jumpin' 6:00 in the morning ♪
♪ table dancin', glasses are crashin' ♪
♪ no question, time for some action ♪
♪ temperature's up ♪
♪ 'bout to erupt ♪
♪ gonna get my girls, get your boys ♪
♪ gonna make some noise ♪
♪ gonna get rowdy ♪
♪ gonna get a little unruly ♪
♪ get it fired up in a hurry ♪
♪ wanna get dirty ♪
♪ it's about time that I
came to start the party ♪
♪ sweat drippin' over my ♪