Letterkenny (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 3 - Hard Right Jay - full transcript
An out-of-towner causes a ruckus in Letterkenny.
We?were?discussing?headlines
from?the?city?newspaper ??the?other?day...
Damn?shame ??????about?MoDeans burning?down.
Do?you?know?what? It's?really?something
how?we?keep?losing those?locations to?drink?at.
The?Ukrainian?Center
is?a?healthy consolation,?though.
Well,?everybody?knows the?cheapest?beers?are
at?the?Ukrainian?Center.
With?the?Legion?being a?close?second.
When's?Gail?getting?back
from?her?South?American singles?resort?
When?she's had?her?fill,?I?suppose.
Delicious?pun.
Thank?you,?Wayne.
Thank?you,?Bonnie.
Now,?was?that your?tummy?grumbling? Or?was?that?you?proper?
That'd ???be?me?proper.
A?little?grumble in?the?jungle?over?there.
Little?grumble in?the?Bronx.
A?little royal?grumble.
It?was ?a?grumble?proper.
Now,?I'm?a?devout?pupil
of?Social?Justice?Warriors, Professor?Tricia.
The?devoutest.
But?dare?I?say?things
in?the?city?is?getting wee?bit?out?of?hands.
What's?the?frequency, Kenneth?
Well,?the?story?I?just?read
here?is?quite?the?incredible chain?of?events.
You?know,?there's so?many?causes?now.
They're?just?tripping right?over?each?other.
Well,?it's?better?than driving?into?each?other.
That?was a?bit?dark,?Dary.
What's?the?scoop,?Dan?
Here's?the?scoop.
Bunch?of?gals?said?that they?were?gonna?stop tweetings?for?a?day
out?of?protest for?sexual?abuses ?towards?womens.
And?they?encouraged?mens to?stops?tweetings
in?supports?of?the?womens.
So,?what's ??the?problem?
Oh,?I?wasn't?finished.
Well,?what happened?next?
I'll?tells?you what?happens?next.
Some?black?gals?joined?in on?the?protest,
but?they?got?mad at?the?white?girls protesting,
because?womens?of?colors didn't?receive?the?same
supports?on?similar?issues.
I?think?I?see?where you're?going?with?this.
Well,?did?something happen?even?after?that?
Something did?happen?after?that.
One?of?the?white?gals asking?for?supports
got?supports?from?one?guy,
but?she?told?him he?could?fuck?right?off
because?apparently?he?used
to?call?gals?"broads" back?in?high?schools.
But?they?are?tweeting about?not?tweeting. Do?I?have?that?right?
I?got?a?feeling?something even?happened?after?that.
Yeah,?me?too,?Dary. ????Me?too.
I?got?that ????same?feeling.
Well,?here's?what?happened even?after?that.
The?President?of?lceland sends?out
a?happy?birthday?tweet to?his?daughter,?Alfheiour.
And?now?all?the?gals saying?that?you shouldn't?be?tweetings
turns?hims?into public?enemy?number?one.
And?it's?on?Twitter they're?doing?that?
And?to?the?President
of?lceland, they're?doing?that?
Icelanders?are?the?most
lovable?fucking?people on?planet?Earth.
One?more?thing even?happens, so?help?me?God.
So?help?me?God. Something?else did?happen?after?that,
because?it?turns?out
the?President?of?lceland's daughter,?Alfheiour,
has?got?herself?a?case of?the?Down?syndromes.
So?here?comes?the?Special Olympics?advocates,
and?they're in?a?real?bad?way.
As?they?should?be.
If?you?wanna?go?at?lceland,
you?better?have?your?fucking ????facts?right.
Well,?here's?the?kicker, turns?out?the?President?of
Iceland's?daughter,?Alfheiour,
is?also?a?refugee from?war-torn?Somalia ?what?he's?adopted.
So?that?increases the?tension?between
the?womens?of?colors not?tweeting
and?the?white?gals not?tweeting.
To?top?it?all?off, here?comes?World?Vision,
and?they're coming?in?a'swinging.
Fuck?every?duck. What?next?
Oh,?here's?what happened?after?that.
Remember?that?first?guy that?they?told to?fucks?right?off
'cause?he?used?to call?gals?"broads" back?in?high?school?
Turns?out?he's?paralyzed from?the?waist?down.
So?here?comes?the?war?amps saying ,
"You?better?back the?fuck?off?our?guy."
Enough's?enough.
I?can't?handle?anymore.
Well,?there's?no?way there's?more. There's?no?goddamn?way.
Wait. ?There?is?more.
Turns?out?the?President of?lcelands
is?paralyzed?from the?necks?down,
so?now?everybody's?back on?lceland's?sides?again.
Oh,?right?where they?should've?been
the?whole?fucking?time.
Now,?it's?from?the?neck?down that?he's?paralyzed,?you?say?
So,?how?does?he even?make?a?tweet?
And?they're?all doing?this?on?Twitter?
Where?else?but?Twitter would?this?be?happenings?
On?the?day?they're?not exposed?to?be?tweeting?
On?the?very?same?day they're?not?exposed to?be?tweeting.
Jesus!
Look?what's?happening in?local?news!
What?
Stay?tuned?to?find?out.
Well,?the?Letterkenny?Chiefs is?changing?their?names and?logos.
That?sounds ????about?right. Probably?for?the?best.
They?had?a?good?run.
The?only?constant?in?life is?change,?as?they?say.
"The?only?constant in?life?is?change"?
It's?a?wee?bit?to?wrap your?head?around?there.
Well,?the?only?constant
around?here?is?everything stays?the?sames.
Any-who...
According?to?the?writers of?the?Letterkenny?Banner,
the?whole?world's?going?to hells?in?a?hand?baskets.
Sounds about?right.
Probably ?????for?the?best. We?had?a?good?run.
As?long?as?we're going?in?a?hand?basket.
As?opposed?to what?kind?of?basket?
Well,?there's?a?bazillion different?kinds?of?baskets.
Hand?and?waste?paper. What?else?
Okay,?so?maybe there's?not?a?bazillion
different?kinds,?but...
Yeah,?it's ???definitely?not?a?bazillion different?kinds...
Yeah,?that's?what I?just?said,
"There's?not?a?bazillion different?kinds?of?baskets."
Well,?don't?come?in?here
saying?"bazillion"?unless you?mean?a?bazillion...
Okay. ?I?was?just?for emphasis. ?I?was?saying,
"Bazillion?different kinds?of?baskets."
Go?ahead?and?name five?kinds?of?baskets
besides?hands and?waste?paper.
Okay. ?Floor?basket,
hanging?basket, wall?basket,
bike?basket, basketball?basket.
All?right.
I?withdraw.
Bamboo?bakset, ???????britan?bakset, liquor?bakset.
Bakset?
Yes,?that's?one?of two?words?that?Dary can't?say?right.
What's?the?other one,?Dary? Brefekst.
Yeah,?Dary?can't?say the?word?"breakfast"?either.
You?wanna try,?bud? Brefekst. ?Bakset.
Attaboy.
So,?what?are?they changing?the?name?to?
According?to?this,?they're
letting?the?publics?decides with?an?onlines?polls.
Ooh,?boy.
Not?a ?good?idea. Is?there?a?worse?idea?
Currently,?the?Letterkenny Rough?Riders?is?leading by?a?hair.
Is?that?your?tummy?grumbling? Or?is?that?you?proper?
No,?that'd?be?me?proper.
What's?the?rumpus, grumpus?
Don't?you?think?that?there's
already?too?many?Rough?Riders in?the?area?as?it?is?
You?got ???????the?Redford?Rough?Riders. And?a?one.
You?got the?Welno?Rough?Riders. And?a?two.
And?don't?forget the?Greater?Maddawascow Rough?Riders.
And?a?three. ?And?that's
just?off?the?tippy?tops ?????of?our?heads.
Does?get?a?bit?confusing during?playoffs.
People?like?to?root?for a?Rough?Rider.
Yeah,?but?if?we're?all
going?to?be?Rough?Riders, why?even?have?teams?
Why?not?just?be a?big?bunch?of ?????Rough?Riders?
Why?don't?you?just
name?the?whole?league the?Rough?Riders?
Why?even?stop?there?
Why?don't?we?just?go?ahead
and?name?the?whole human?race?Rough?Riders?
Like,?you?see what?I'm?saying.
Yeah. ?Today, we're?all?Rough?Riders.
What?exactly is?a?Rough?Rider?
I?don't?know. ?All's?I'm?saying
is?that?there's?too?many of?them. ?Don't?you?see?
So,?what?else is?in?the?running?
Ah,?second?place is?the?Letterkenny ???Muff?Riders.
Yeah,?I?can?get behind?Muff?Riders.
Hmm. ?What?else?
Third?place?goes?to the?Letterkenny Foot?Fuckers.
Shouldn't?that?be in?first?place,
on?account?that?it has?foot?in?the?title,
and?it's?a?soccer?team?
What?else?
Well,?fourth?place?is?a?tie
between?the?Big?Nickelbacks and?the?69ers.
Both?good?choices.
I?don't?know who?to?root?for.
People?likes to?root?for?a?69er.
I?don't?have?a?problem.
I?don't?have... I?don't?have?a?problem.
I?don't?have?a?problem.
Where?is?it? ????????lt's?right?here.
First,?the?meth.
I?think you?do?have?a?problem.
I?don't?have?a?problem!
You've?never?acted like?this?before?the...
This?is?all?because?of?the...
I've?never?seen?it get?its?claws?in?so?deep.
Give?me?the?dark?web.
Stewart! I?need?the?dark?web.
You're?killing?him!
It?is?killing?you!
Give?me?the?dark?web.
Take?the?dark?web.
The?dark?web?is?yours.
Okay,?so?you?keep the?meth?over?there,?right?
We?do. ?Let?me?show?you.
I'm?in.
Letterkenny,?the?hard?right is?inside?of?you.
Fuck!
These?stooges?again.
I?don't?see?a?video?request from?them.
How?am?I?hearing?their?voice?
Must?be?some?high-tech dark?web?shit.
Stu??Stu!
Appreciate?the Stooges?reference.
Everyone?knows?Curly?was the?original?skinhead.
Plus?Ron?Asheton?from ?lggy?and?the?Stooges?had?a?real
Third?Reich?obsession.
Good?Christ!?lt?smells?like
somebody's?been?smoking ?????gate?waves?in?here.
The?Chiefs?are?changing their?name.
Who?
Your?beloved?junior?soccer?team.
Who?
Ah!?Nobody?cares?about anything?anymore.
What?about?the?history? The?tradition?
What's?a?junior?soccer?team?
Some?people ?????still?care,?all?right? You?best?believe.
And?we?are?recruiting.
So,?gentlemen,?are?you?ready to?join?the?hard?right?
Politics?
We're?anarchists.
Yeah. ?Who?cares?if?the soccer?team?changes?its?name?
The?hard?right,?that's?who.
Chiefs?is?a?strong?name.
I?remember?a?time?when
being?called?a?chief was?a?good?thing.
People?like?to?root?for?a?chief.
This?used?to?be?the?heartland.
Now,?it?is?just?the other?heartland
of?far-left?liberal?cucks.
Did?somebody?get?their feelings?hurt?
Did?somebody?sign?a?petition?
Uh,?news?flash, you're?all?caving?to?PC?culture.
You're?just?a?bunch?of
far-left?liberal?fucking ????pinko?snowflakes.
Oh,?we've?been?called?worse.
But?might?as?well?just?change the?name?to?Letterkenny?Cucks.
Regional?champs of?Cuckistan! Okay.
This?is?what?the?failed patriarchy?looks?like.
I'm?so?sick?of?you beta?male?SJWs.
We're?not?SJWs.
I?actually?identify as?a?wood?nymph.
Super?weird. Be?gone.
Oh,?we'll?be?gone.
Just?as?soon?as?you?betas show?us?where?the?alphas?are.
I'll?see?myself?out.
I?assume?all?of?you are?following?suit.
He?talks?more?than?I?do.
That?was?weird.
Ah,?yes!?Now?we're?talking. The?alphas. ?Real?men.
No?matriarchy?in?sight.
Who?the?fuck?are?you?
I'm?Hard?Right?Jay, and?I?represent?the?Hard?Right,
a?group?with far-right?ideologies
that?rejects?mainstream ???conservatism?and?endeavors?to
promote?white?nationalism.
Oh,?white?nationalism?
Good?thing?Gail, ????the?owner?of?the?old?bars ain't?here.
Oh,?small?town?bar?owner, what?is?she ,
like?a?good sixth-generation?Scottish?woman?
No.
What?are?you's?getting?on about?over?there?
Did?you?dinks bring?these?dudes?here?
What's?the?first meal?of?the?day, Daryl?
Your?mom. Attaboy.
Breakfast!
Ah,?that's?it,?right. ?Jesus?Christ. Yeah,?yeah.
Run?away?like?true?socialistas.
At?least?your?actions ????????are?consistent?with
your?failed?ideologies.
You?edgelords ??????are?a?walking?horde
of?participation?trophies.
Go?back?to?giving?out hand?jobs?for?free.
We're?not?socialistas. I'm?still?with?her.
We're?anarchists. And?our?hand?jobs?aren't?free.
So...
Forg...
Forgive...
Forgive?them. ?They?don't see?the?big?picture. ?Yet.
What's?the?big?picture?
You?wanna?see?how?deep this?rabbit?hole?really?goes?
Or?are?you?guys?globalists?
What's?that? Ah!
I'll?admit,?I?was?anticipating
the?low?energy,?country?cuck road?show,?but?you're?curious.
Color?me?glad.
It's?time?to?wake?up.
It's?time?for?you?to?spit?out all?of?the?toxic?sludge
you've?been?spoon?fed by?the?lan?Hanomansings
and?the?Gloria?Macarenkos of?the?world.
We?are?a?movement.
Bowel?movement by?the?looks?of?it.
Ah,?hachi-machi, I?like?your?fire.
We?could?use?more?women in?the?movement.
We?have?next?to?none, for?reasons?we?can't ??????quite?decode.
Pitter?patter. Yes,?pitter?patter.
All?lives?matter.
News?flash, the?out?of?control?PC?police
are?forcing?your?beloved
Letterkenny?Chiefs to?change?their?name.
Yeah,?we?caught?that.
Yeah,?well,?we're?here to?protest?that.
Our?legions?of?brothers will?be?joining?me
at?John?Letterkenny?Field later.
And?we?want?you, the?salt?of?the?earth?alphas,
the?stewards?of?traditional morals,
traditional?values, the?silent?majority,?to?join?us.
The?fight?against?poor, uneducated?libtards
requires?nothing?short of?a?massacre.
Now?you're?a?bit fucking?dramatic,?eh?
Why?is?keeping?the?name of?the?Chiefs?important?to?you?
It?isn't. Oh,?oh,?it's?not. ?lt?isn't?
Well,?not?really, ??????in?the?long?run.
Nor?the?short?run,?really.
Yeah,?no?need?to?get?your jimmies?all?out?of?joint.
Well,?but?you... ?You?understand
why?it's?important to?fight?the?left??Yes?
I?didn't?know?it?was?necessary, much?less?important.
The?point?is ??????the?government is?trying?to?keep?you
and?your?humble?agricultural livelihoods?thoroughly?cucked.
It's?time?to?wake?up and?smell?the?chem?trails.
It's?time?to?stand?up for?your?God?given?right
to?have?kick-ass?names for?all?your?favorite?teams,
and?fuck?anybody?whose?feelings get?hurt?along?the?way.
Oh,?is?that?what?time?it?is?
Oh,?you?think?I?don't?have feelings?
You?think?my?feelings don't?get?hurt?
My?grandfather?has a?pacemaker,?right?
Every?time?I?watch ?????the?lndiana?Pacers play?basketball,
it?makes?me?think?of?Papi.
And?his?irregular?heartbeat. And?it?fucks?me?up,?big?time.
You?see?me?complaining
to?the?lndiana?Pacers or?anyone?in?the?NBA?
Mmm,?suck?it?up,?buttercup.
So? So?what?
So?join?us.
Tell?you?what. ?I'll?fight?you?for?it. You?and?me.
Sorry,?what? What?I'm?saying?is,
I'll?fight?you.
And?if?you?win?I'll?come to?the?field?with?you.
But?if?you?lose, we're?not?asking?for
anything?in?return.
Ah,?you?SJWs?are?a?lost?cause.
I'm?going?to?troll!
Letterkenny?Chiefs! Letterkenny?Chiefs!
We?can?do?this,?buddy.
We?can?establish?order, buddy. ?I?know?we?can.
Of?course?you?can.
Ah.
Hockey,?eh?
Fastest?sport?on?Earth.
And?the?whitest?too,?arguably, so?bonus?points?there.
Okay,?the?Catholic?school?games are?on?the?other?rink.
Uh,?we?just,?uh, thought?you?strapping?alphas
might?want?to?know that?the?globalists
are?trying?to?turn?your small?town?into?a?hive
of?post-castrati?extremism.
What?the?fuck's?castrati?
Uh,?it's?a?pasta,?bro.
Uh,?it's?pronounced "pah-sta,"?bro. ??ls?it?
Today,?it's?the?Letterkenny ???Chiefs.
Tomorrow,?it'll?be ???your?beloved?Shamrocks.
Well,?you?know,?the?Chiefs is?kinda?not?PC?though,?buddy.
We?try?to?keep?it,?like, kind?of?in?touch?there.
What?if?they?decide?to?get
butt?hurt?over?the?Letterkenny Shamrocks?name?next
and?force?you?to?change?it
just?because?they?don't?know ??how?to?control?their...
Their ???fragile?beta?male?emotions?
What?then,?huh?
You?don't?see?a?bunch
of?lrish?people?protesting ???here,?do?you?
No,?you?don't.
They're?not, ?"Argh, please?change?your?name!"
None?of?that's?happening. You?wanna?know?why?
Because?lrish?people?don't
fucking?complain?about anything,?all?right?
Irish?people?know?how?to take?it?like?a?champ,?okay?
You?take?their?potatoes?away, they?don't?say?a?fucking?thing.
It's?pronounced "po-tah-to. " ??????ls?it?
It's?called?"manning?up," ??gentlemen.
You?might?want ??to?look?into?it.
What?do?you?think,?buddy?
I?think?this?guy's a?goof,?buddy.
Cool,?buddy. Yeah,?but...
On?that?note,?I'm?not?really a?fan?of?the?Shamrocks?name.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Me?too,?buddy. ?I?mean,
if?we're?talking?about ?some?kind?of?negative
stereotype?attached to?that?name,?you?know?
Right??lt's?like, ????????just?because
my?name?is?Reilly,
that?doesn't?necessarily?mean that?I'm?a?drunken?leprechaun.
Maybe?we?should?change the?name,?buddy.
What's?this?about?a?name?change?
If?anybody?should ???????change?their?names, it?should?be?us.
What?the?hell's?a
Shamrockette?anyway? A?leaf?with?tits?
Oh,?this?isn't?your matriarch,?is?it?
You?can't?just?add?"ette"?to ????the?end?of?the?men's?team
and?expect?women?to?like?it.
We?should?change?our?names
to?something?fierce?and?feminine and?powerful.
Like?the?Screaming?Banshees.
That's?good,?Mary-Anne. lmpressive?creativity.
Couple?of?hens?clucking?away.
Especially?for?a?girl?who
had?to?start?kindergarten two?years?late
because?she?couldn't grasp?coloring.
I've?plenty?of?good?ideas, Betty-Anne.
Like?convincing?your?dad to?get?a?vasectomy
so?I?wouldn't?have?to?worry ???about?another?you?coming?into
the?world?while?I?fucked?him.
We?were?just?starting to?get?them?under?control.
You're?screwing?it?up,?bro.
You're?getting?them?all fired?up?again.
Bringing?family?into?it?now,
Mary-Anne??I?would?never stoop?so?low,
especially?with?the recent?passing?of?your?mother,
who?told?me?before?she?died that?my?dad?is?your?dad?too.
You're?fucking?up ??our?progress,
man. Just?get?out?of?here.
It's?only?gonna?get?worse?too. Thanks?a?lot.
Ah,?these?Tumblrinas have?lost?the?plot?anyway.
Letterkenny?Chiefs! Letterkenny?Chiefs!
Where?the?fuck?is?everybody? This?is?supposed?to?be a?protest.
We?need?people?to?protest and?piss?off?and?agitate.
Ay,?ay,?ay. ?Whose?idea?was?this stupid?name?change?anyway?
Ours.
S'up,?Nazis?
Nazi??Hilarious.
Ain't?nothing?funny about?this,?honky.
No,?but?Nazi,?really??Nazi?
Would?a?Nazi?ride a?Yamaha?scooter?
A?pansy?Nazi??Sure.
Would?a?Nazi?have a?Jew?for?a?lawyer?
Could?you?refer?me,?asshole?
'Cause?I'm?gonna?need?one ????in?a?minute.
Would?a?Nazi?own?a?game-worn Tim?Duncan?jersey?
You?sniff?that?shit?before bed?at?night,?cupcake?
Would?a?Nazi's?favorite?snacks include?ramen,?pad?thai,?or?pho?
It's?pronounced?"pho-e," "Pho-e,"?dummy.
Oh.
All?right,?would?a?Nazi ?????get?turned?on?by
interracial?gang?bang?porn?
Who?fucking?doesn't?
All?right,?I?think?we?all need?to?chill?out?here.
We're?getting ahead?of?ourselves.
We?are?an?inclusive?movement.
I?think?you?should?join?us.
Is?that?what?we?should?do?
Yes.
Think?about?it,?Sacagawea.
We?share?a?lot. We?have?a?lot?in?common.
We?both?pride?ourselves
on?traditional?values, traditional?morals.
We?share?a?very anti-immigration?stance.
You?know,?if?you?think?about?it,
we?actually?share?a?lot of?common?ground.
Historically, ?sharing?ground?hasn't been?your?strong?suit.
If?you?guys?are?here, ?????then?who's?jerking?off
in?your?mom's?basement?
Somewhere?there's?a ??men's?rights?meeting
missing?their?door?greeters.
Yeah,?look. ?I?get?it. You're?frustrated.
It?must?be?really?exhausting
never?paying?taxes ????your?whole?lives.
All?right. Enough?chin-wagging.
Another?hen?cluck, cluck,?clucking?away.
Hey,?no?one?had?a?problem with?this.
No?one?had?a?problem until?you's?came?to?town.
That's?it. ?The?Hard?Right, coming?to?a?town?near?you.
Yeah,?we?didn't?come?here to?counter-protest.
Ain't?nothing?peaceful gonna?happen?today.
Hey,?we?don't practice?violence.
We?do. We?don't?practice?violence.
But?we?are?prepared?for?it.
All?right. ?Let's?go?then. Let's?do?this.
You?and?what?army?
That?one.
Golden?pastures?from?here.
It's?all?I?see.
Nary?a?chem?trail?in?the?sky.
Possibility?of a?gentle?Nor'Wester.
Oh,?three?to?five?clicks by?the?look?of?her.
Well,?times?to?check?in on?the?Letterkenny?Banner.
What's?the?latest?
Was?that?your?tummy?grumbling or?was?that?you?proper?
That?was?my?tummy. Good?enough.
Well,?it?looks?like?they ???canceled?the?online?polls
to?pick?the?new?team?name.
Oh,?is?that?what?they?did?
Yeah,?it?seems?like?the
Muff?Riders?was runnings?away?with?it.
Foot?Fuckers?made more?sense?by?far. ?I'm?disappointed.
What?are?they going?with?instead?
Rough?Riders. Of?course?they?are.
Playoffs?start?next?week.
Who?they?playing? Runforough?Rough?Riders.
That's?gonna?be a?really?good?game.
Must?be?hard?kicking the?ball?in?the?snow.
My?money's?on?the?Rough?Riders.
You're?crazy. ?I?got?the Rough?Riders?by?a?mile.
Care?to?make?it?interesting?
I'll?put?ten?bucks on?the?Rough?Riders.
Make?it?twenty. I'll?take?that.
I'm?in?too.
See,?Wayne,?people?love to?cheer?for?a?rough?rider.
The?world's?going?to?hell in?a?hand?basket,?big?brother.
In?a?what,?Dary?
Brefekst?bakset. Attaboy.
from?the?city?newspaper ??the?other?day...
Damn?shame ??????about?MoDeans burning?down.
Do?you?know?what? It's?really?something
how?we?keep?losing those?locations to?drink?at.
The?Ukrainian?Center
is?a?healthy consolation,?though.
Well,?everybody?knows the?cheapest?beers?are
at?the?Ukrainian?Center.
With?the?Legion?being a?close?second.
When's?Gail?getting?back
from?her?South?American singles?resort?
When?she's had?her?fill,?I?suppose.
Delicious?pun.
Thank?you,?Wayne.
Thank?you,?Bonnie.
Now,?was?that your?tummy?grumbling? Or?was?that?you?proper?
That'd ???be?me?proper.
A?little?grumble in?the?jungle?over?there.
Little?grumble in?the?Bronx.
A?little royal?grumble.
It?was ?a?grumble?proper.
Now,?I'm?a?devout?pupil
of?Social?Justice?Warriors, Professor?Tricia.
The?devoutest.
But?dare?I?say?things
in?the?city?is?getting wee?bit?out?of?hands.
What's?the?frequency, Kenneth?
Well,?the?story?I?just?read
here?is?quite?the?incredible chain?of?events.
You?know,?there's so?many?causes?now.
They're?just?tripping right?over?each?other.
Well,?it's?better?than driving?into?each?other.
That?was a?bit?dark,?Dary.
What's?the?scoop,?Dan?
Here's?the?scoop.
Bunch?of?gals?said?that they?were?gonna?stop tweetings?for?a?day
out?of?protest for?sexual?abuses ?towards?womens.
And?they?encouraged?mens to?stops?tweetings
in?supports?of?the?womens.
So,?what's ??the?problem?
Oh,?I?wasn't?finished.
Well,?what happened?next?
I'll?tells?you what?happens?next.
Some?black?gals?joined?in on?the?protest,
but?they?got?mad at?the?white?girls protesting,
because?womens?of?colors didn't?receive?the?same
supports?on?similar?issues.
I?think?I?see?where you're?going?with?this.
Well,?did?something happen?even?after?that?
Something did?happen?after?that.
One?of?the?white?gals asking?for?supports
got?supports?from?one?guy,
but?she?told?him he?could?fuck?right?off
because?apparently?he?used
to?call?gals?"broads" back?in?high?schools.
But?they?are?tweeting about?not?tweeting. Do?I?have?that?right?
I?got?a?feeling?something even?happened?after?that.
Yeah,?me?too,?Dary. ????Me?too.
I?got?that ????same?feeling.
Well,?here's?what?happened even?after?that.
The?President?of?lceland sends?out
a?happy?birthday?tweet to?his?daughter,?Alfheiour.
And?now?all?the?gals saying?that?you shouldn't?be?tweetings
turns?hims?into public?enemy?number?one.
And?it's?on?Twitter they're?doing?that?
And?to?the?President
of?lceland, they're?doing?that?
Icelanders?are?the?most
lovable?fucking?people on?planet?Earth.
One?more?thing even?happens, so?help?me?God.
So?help?me?God. Something?else did?happen?after?that,
because?it?turns?out
the?President?of?lceland's daughter,?Alfheiour,
has?got?herself?a?case of?the?Down?syndromes.
So?here?comes?the?Special Olympics?advocates,
and?they're in?a?real?bad?way.
As?they?should?be.
If?you?wanna?go?at?lceland,
you?better?have?your?fucking ????facts?right.
Well,?here's?the?kicker, turns?out?the?President?of
Iceland's?daughter,?Alfheiour,
is?also?a?refugee from?war-torn?Somalia ?what?he's?adopted.
So?that?increases the?tension?between
the?womens?of?colors not?tweeting
and?the?white?gals not?tweeting.
To?top?it?all?off, here?comes?World?Vision,
and?they're coming?in?a'swinging.
Fuck?every?duck. What?next?
Oh,?here's?what happened?after?that.
Remember?that?first?guy that?they?told to?fucks?right?off
'cause?he?used?to call?gals?"broads" back?in?high?school?
Turns?out?he's?paralyzed from?the?waist?down.
So?here?comes?the?war?amps saying ,
"You?better?back the?fuck?off?our?guy."
Enough's?enough.
I?can't?handle?anymore.
Well,?there's?no?way there's?more. There's?no?goddamn?way.
Wait. ?There?is?more.
Turns?out?the?President of?lcelands
is?paralyzed?from the?necks?down,
so?now?everybody's?back on?lceland's?sides?again.
Oh,?right?where they?should've?been
the?whole?fucking?time.
Now,?it's?from?the?neck?down that?he's?paralyzed,?you?say?
So,?how?does?he even?make?a?tweet?
And?they're?all doing?this?on?Twitter?
Where?else?but?Twitter would?this?be?happenings?
On?the?day?they're?not exposed?to?be?tweeting?
On?the?very?same?day they're?not?exposed to?be?tweeting.
Jesus!
Look?what's?happening in?local?news!
What?
Stay?tuned?to?find?out.
Well,?the?Letterkenny?Chiefs is?changing?their?names and?logos.
That?sounds ????about?right. Probably?for?the?best.
They?had?a?good?run.
The?only?constant?in?life is?change,?as?they?say.
"The?only?constant in?life?is?change"?
It's?a?wee?bit?to?wrap your?head?around?there.
Well,?the?only?constant
around?here?is?everything stays?the?sames.
Any-who...
According?to?the?writers of?the?Letterkenny?Banner,
the?whole?world's?going?to hells?in?a?hand?baskets.
Sounds about?right.
Probably ?????for?the?best. We?had?a?good?run.
As?long?as?we're going?in?a?hand?basket.
As?opposed?to what?kind?of?basket?
Well,?there's?a?bazillion different?kinds?of?baskets.
Hand?and?waste?paper. What?else?
Okay,?so?maybe there's?not?a?bazillion
different?kinds,?but...
Yeah,?it's ???definitely?not?a?bazillion different?kinds...
Yeah,?that's?what I?just?said,
"There's?not?a?bazillion different?kinds?of?baskets."
Well,?don't?come?in?here
saying?"bazillion"?unless you?mean?a?bazillion...
Okay. ?I?was?just?for emphasis. ?I?was?saying,
"Bazillion?different kinds?of?baskets."
Go?ahead?and?name five?kinds?of?baskets
besides?hands and?waste?paper.
Okay. ?Floor?basket,
hanging?basket, wall?basket,
bike?basket, basketball?basket.
All?right.
I?withdraw.
Bamboo?bakset, ???????britan?bakset, liquor?bakset.
Bakset?
Yes,?that's?one?of two?words?that?Dary can't?say?right.
What's?the?other one,?Dary? Brefekst.
Yeah,?Dary?can't?say the?word?"breakfast"?either.
You?wanna try,?bud? Brefekst. ?Bakset.
Attaboy.
So,?what?are?they changing?the?name?to?
According?to?this,?they're
letting?the?publics?decides with?an?onlines?polls.
Ooh,?boy.
Not?a ?good?idea. Is?there?a?worse?idea?
Currently,?the?Letterkenny Rough?Riders?is?leading by?a?hair.
Is?that?your?tummy?grumbling? Or?is?that?you?proper?
No,?that'd?be?me?proper.
What's?the?rumpus, grumpus?
Don't?you?think?that?there's
already?too?many?Rough?Riders in?the?area?as?it?is?
You?got ???????the?Redford?Rough?Riders. And?a?one.
You?got the?Welno?Rough?Riders. And?a?two.
And?don't?forget the?Greater?Maddawascow Rough?Riders.
And?a?three. ?And?that's
just?off?the?tippy?tops ?????of?our?heads.
Does?get?a?bit?confusing during?playoffs.
People?like?to?root?for a?Rough?Rider.
Yeah,?but?if?we're?all
going?to?be?Rough?Riders, why?even?have?teams?
Why?not?just?be a?big?bunch?of ?????Rough?Riders?
Why?don't?you?just
name?the?whole?league the?Rough?Riders?
Why?even?stop?there?
Why?don't?we?just?go?ahead
and?name?the?whole human?race?Rough?Riders?
Like,?you?see what?I'm?saying.
Yeah. ?Today, we're?all?Rough?Riders.
What?exactly is?a?Rough?Rider?
I?don't?know. ?All's?I'm?saying
is?that?there's?too?many of?them. ?Don't?you?see?
So,?what?else is?in?the?running?
Ah,?second?place is?the?Letterkenny ???Muff?Riders.
Yeah,?I?can?get behind?Muff?Riders.
Hmm. ?What?else?
Third?place?goes?to the?Letterkenny Foot?Fuckers.
Shouldn't?that?be in?first?place,
on?account?that?it has?foot?in?the?title,
and?it's?a?soccer?team?
What?else?
Well,?fourth?place?is?a?tie
between?the?Big?Nickelbacks and?the?69ers.
Both?good?choices.
I?don't?know who?to?root?for.
People?likes to?root?for?a?69er.
I?don't?have?a?problem.
I?don't?have... I?don't?have?a?problem.
I?don't?have?a?problem.
Where?is?it? ????????lt's?right?here.
First,?the?meth.
I?think you?do?have?a?problem.
I?don't?have?a?problem!
You've?never?acted like?this?before?the...
This?is?all?because?of?the...
I've?never?seen?it get?its?claws?in?so?deep.
Give?me?the?dark?web.
Stewart! I?need?the?dark?web.
You're?killing?him!
It?is?killing?you!
Give?me?the?dark?web.
Take?the?dark?web.
The?dark?web?is?yours.
Okay,?so?you?keep the?meth?over?there,?right?
We?do. ?Let?me?show?you.
I'm?in.
Letterkenny,?the?hard?right is?inside?of?you.
Fuck!
These?stooges?again.
I?don't?see?a?video?request from?them.
How?am?I?hearing?their?voice?
Must?be?some?high-tech dark?web?shit.
Stu??Stu!
Appreciate?the Stooges?reference.
Everyone?knows?Curly?was the?original?skinhead.
Plus?Ron?Asheton?from ?lggy?and?the?Stooges?had?a?real
Third?Reich?obsession.
Good?Christ!?lt?smells?like
somebody's?been?smoking ?????gate?waves?in?here.
The?Chiefs?are?changing their?name.
Who?
Your?beloved?junior?soccer?team.
Who?
Ah!?Nobody?cares?about anything?anymore.
What?about?the?history? The?tradition?
What's?a?junior?soccer?team?
Some?people ?????still?care,?all?right? You?best?believe.
And?we?are?recruiting.
So,?gentlemen,?are?you?ready to?join?the?hard?right?
Politics?
We're?anarchists.
Yeah. ?Who?cares?if?the soccer?team?changes?its?name?
The?hard?right,?that's?who.
Chiefs?is?a?strong?name.
I?remember?a?time?when
being?called?a?chief was?a?good?thing.
People?like?to?root?for?a?chief.
This?used?to?be?the?heartland.
Now,?it?is?just?the other?heartland
of?far-left?liberal?cucks.
Did?somebody?get?their feelings?hurt?
Did?somebody?sign?a?petition?
Uh,?news?flash, you're?all?caving?to?PC?culture.
You're?just?a?bunch?of
far-left?liberal?fucking ????pinko?snowflakes.
Oh,?we've?been?called?worse.
But?might?as?well?just?change the?name?to?Letterkenny?Cucks.
Regional?champs of?Cuckistan! Okay.
This?is?what?the?failed patriarchy?looks?like.
I'm?so?sick?of?you beta?male?SJWs.
We're?not?SJWs.
I?actually?identify as?a?wood?nymph.
Super?weird. Be?gone.
Oh,?we'll?be?gone.
Just?as?soon?as?you?betas show?us?where?the?alphas?are.
I'll?see?myself?out.
I?assume?all?of?you are?following?suit.
He?talks?more?than?I?do.
That?was?weird.
Ah,?yes!?Now?we're?talking. The?alphas. ?Real?men.
No?matriarchy?in?sight.
Who?the?fuck?are?you?
I'm?Hard?Right?Jay, and?I?represent?the?Hard?Right,
a?group?with far-right?ideologies
that?rejects?mainstream ???conservatism?and?endeavors?to
promote?white?nationalism.
Oh,?white?nationalism?
Good?thing?Gail, ????the?owner?of?the?old?bars ain't?here.
Oh,?small?town?bar?owner, what?is?she ,
like?a?good sixth-generation?Scottish?woman?
No.
What?are?you's?getting?on about?over?there?
Did?you?dinks bring?these?dudes?here?
What's?the?first meal?of?the?day, Daryl?
Your?mom. Attaboy.
Breakfast!
Ah,?that's?it,?right. ?Jesus?Christ. Yeah,?yeah.
Run?away?like?true?socialistas.
At?least?your?actions ????????are?consistent?with
your?failed?ideologies.
You?edgelords ??????are?a?walking?horde
of?participation?trophies.
Go?back?to?giving?out hand?jobs?for?free.
We're?not?socialistas. I'm?still?with?her.
We're?anarchists. And?our?hand?jobs?aren't?free.
So...
Forg...
Forgive...
Forgive?them. ?They?don't see?the?big?picture. ?Yet.
What's?the?big?picture?
You?wanna?see?how?deep this?rabbit?hole?really?goes?
Or?are?you?guys?globalists?
What's?that? Ah!
I'll?admit,?I?was?anticipating
the?low?energy,?country?cuck road?show,?but?you're?curious.
Color?me?glad.
It's?time?to?wake?up.
It's?time?for?you?to?spit?out all?of?the?toxic?sludge
you've?been?spoon?fed by?the?lan?Hanomansings
and?the?Gloria?Macarenkos of?the?world.
We?are?a?movement.
Bowel?movement by?the?looks?of?it.
Ah,?hachi-machi, I?like?your?fire.
We?could?use?more?women in?the?movement.
We?have?next?to?none, for?reasons?we?can't ??????quite?decode.
Pitter?patter. Yes,?pitter?patter.
All?lives?matter.
News?flash, the?out?of?control?PC?police
are?forcing?your?beloved
Letterkenny?Chiefs to?change?their?name.
Yeah,?we?caught?that.
Yeah,?well,?we're?here to?protest?that.
Our?legions?of?brothers will?be?joining?me
at?John?Letterkenny?Field later.
And?we?want?you, the?salt?of?the?earth?alphas,
the?stewards?of?traditional morals,
traditional?values, the?silent?majority,?to?join?us.
The?fight?against?poor, uneducated?libtards
requires?nothing?short of?a?massacre.
Now?you're?a?bit fucking?dramatic,?eh?
Why?is?keeping?the?name of?the?Chiefs?important?to?you?
It?isn't. Oh,?oh,?it's?not. ?lt?isn't?
Well,?not?really, ??????in?the?long?run.
Nor?the?short?run,?really.
Yeah,?no?need?to?get?your jimmies?all?out?of?joint.
Well,?but?you... ?You?understand
why?it's?important to?fight?the?left??Yes?
I?didn't?know?it?was?necessary, much?less?important.
The?point?is ??????the?government is?trying?to?keep?you
and?your?humble?agricultural livelihoods?thoroughly?cucked.
It's?time?to?wake?up and?smell?the?chem?trails.
It's?time?to?stand?up for?your?God?given?right
to?have?kick-ass?names for?all?your?favorite?teams,
and?fuck?anybody?whose?feelings get?hurt?along?the?way.
Oh,?is?that?what?time?it?is?
Oh,?you?think?I?don't?have feelings?
You?think?my?feelings don't?get?hurt?
My?grandfather?has a?pacemaker,?right?
Every?time?I?watch ?????the?lndiana?Pacers play?basketball,
it?makes?me?think?of?Papi.
And?his?irregular?heartbeat. And?it?fucks?me?up,?big?time.
You?see?me?complaining
to?the?lndiana?Pacers or?anyone?in?the?NBA?
Mmm,?suck?it?up,?buttercup.
So? So?what?
So?join?us.
Tell?you?what. ?I'll?fight?you?for?it. You?and?me.
Sorry,?what? What?I'm?saying?is,
I'll?fight?you.
And?if?you?win?I'll?come to?the?field?with?you.
But?if?you?lose, we're?not?asking?for
anything?in?return.
Ah,?you?SJWs?are?a?lost?cause.
I'm?going?to?troll!
Letterkenny?Chiefs! Letterkenny?Chiefs!
We?can?do?this,?buddy.
We?can?establish?order, buddy. ?I?know?we?can.
Of?course?you?can.
Ah.
Hockey,?eh?
Fastest?sport?on?Earth.
And?the?whitest?too,?arguably, so?bonus?points?there.
Okay,?the?Catholic?school?games are?on?the?other?rink.
Uh,?we?just,?uh, thought?you?strapping?alphas
might?want?to?know that?the?globalists
are?trying?to?turn?your small?town?into?a?hive
of?post-castrati?extremism.
What?the?fuck's?castrati?
Uh,?it's?a?pasta,?bro.
Uh,?it's?pronounced "pah-sta,"?bro. ??ls?it?
Today,?it's?the?Letterkenny ???Chiefs.
Tomorrow,?it'll?be ???your?beloved?Shamrocks.
Well,?you?know,?the?Chiefs is?kinda?not?PC?though,?buddy.
We?try?to?keep?it,?like, kind?of?in?touch?there.
What?if?they?decide?to?get
butt?hurt?over?the?Letterkenny Shamrocks?name?next
and?force?you?to?change?it
just?because?they?don't?know ??how?to?control?their...
Their ???fragile?beta?male?emotions?
What?then,?huh?
You?don't?see?a?bunch
of?lrish?people?protesting ???here,?do?you?
No,?you?don't.
They're?not, ?"Argh, please?change?your?name!"
None?of?that's?happening. You?wanna?know?why?
Because?lrish?people?don't
fucking?complain?about anything,?all?right?
Irish?people?know?how?to take?it?like?a?champ,?okay?
You?take?their?potatoes?away, they?don't?say?a?fucking?thing.
It's?pronounced "po-tah-to. " ??????ls?it?
It's?called?"manning?up," ??gentlemen.
You?might?want ??to?look?into?it.
What?do?you?think,?buddy?
I?think?this?guy's a?goof,?buddy.
Cool,?buddy. Yeah,?but...
On?that?note,?I'm?not?really a?fan?of?the?Shamrocks?name.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Me?too,?buddy. ?I?mean,
if?we're?talking?about ?some?kind?of?negative
stereotype?attached to?that?name,?you?know?
Right??lt's?like, ????????just?because
my?name?is?Reilly,
that?doesn't?necessarily?mean that?I'm?a?drunken?leprechaun.
Maybe?we?should?change the?name,?buddy.
What's?this?about?a?name?change?
If?anybody?should ???????change?their?names, it?should?be?us.
What?the?hell's?a
Shamrockette?anyway? A?leaf?with?tits?
Oh,?this?isn't?your matriarch,?is?it?
You?can't?just?add?"ette"?to ????the?end?of?the?men's?team
and?expect?women?to?like?it.
We?should?change?our?names
to?something?fierce?and?feminine and?powerful.
Like?the?Screaming?Banshees.
That's?good,?Mary-Anne. lmpressive?creativity.
Couple?of?hens?clucking?away.
Especially?for?a?girl?who
had?to?start?kindergarten two?years?late
because?she?couldn't grasp?coloring.
I've?plenty?of?good?ideas, Betty-Anne.
Like?convincing?your?dad to?get?a?vasectomy
so?I?wouldn't?have?to?worry ???about?another?you?coming?into
the?world?while?I?fucked?him.
We?were?just?starting to?get?them?under?control.
You're?screwing?it?up,?bro.
You're?getting?them?all fired?up?again.
Bringing?family?into?it?now,
Mary-Anne??I?would?never stoop?so?low,
especially?with?the recent?passing?of?your?mother,
who?told?me?before?she?died that?my?dad?is?your?dad?too.
You're?fucking?up ??our?progress,
man. Just?get?out?of?here.
It's?only?gonna?get?worse?too. Thanks?a?lot.
Ah,?these?Tumblrinas have?lost?the?plot?anyway.
Letterkenny?Chiefs! Letterkenny?Chiefs!
Where?the?fuck?is?everybody? This?is?supposed?to?be a?protest.
We?need?people?to?protest and?piss?off?and?agitate.
Ay,?ay,?ay. ?Whose?idea?was?this stupid?name?change?anyway?
Ours.
S'up,?Nazis?
Nazi??Hilarious.
Ain't?nothing?funny about?this,?honky.
No,?but?Nazi,?really??Nazi?
Would?a?Nazi?ride a?Yamaha?scooter?
A?pansy?Nazi??Sure.
Would?a?Nazi?have a?Jew?for?a?lawyer?
Could?you?refer?me,?asshole?
'Cause?I'm?gonna?need?one ????in?a?minute.
Would?a?Nazi?own?a?game-worn Tim?Duncan?jersey?
You?sniff?that?shit?before bed?at?night,?cupcake?
Would?a?Nazi's?favorite?snacks include?ramen,?pad?thai,?or?pho?
It's?pronounced?"pho-e," "Pho-e,"?dummy.
Oh.
All?right,?would?a?Nazi ?????get?turned?on?by
interracial?gang?bang?porn?
Who?fucking?doesn't?
All?right,?I?think?we?all need?to?chill?out?here.
We're?getting ahead?of?ourselves.
We?are?an?inclusive?movement.
I?think?you?should?join?us.
Is?that?what?we?should?do?
Yes.
Think?about?it,?Sacagawea.
We?share?a?lot. We?have?a?lot?in?common.
We?both?pride?ourselves
on?traditional?values, traditional?morals.
We?share?a?very anti-immigration?stance.
You?know,?if?you?think?about?it,
we?actually?share?a?lot of?common?ground.
Historically, ?sharing?ground?hasn't been?your?strong?suit.
If?you?guys?are?here, ?????then?who's?jerking?off
in?your?mom's?basement?
Somewhere?there's?a ??men's?rights?meeting
missing?their?door?greeters.
Yeah,?look. ?I?get?it. You're?frustrated.
It?must?be?really?exhausting
never?paying?taxes ????your?whole?lives.
All?right. Enough?chin-wagging.
Another?hen?cluck, cluck,?clucking?away.
Hey,?no?one?had?a?problem with?this.
No?one?had?a?problem until?you's?came?to?town.
That's?it. ?The?Hard?Right, coming?to?a?town?near?you.
Yeah,?we?didn't?come?here to?counter-protest.
Ain't?nothing?peaceful gonna?happen?today.
Hey,?we?don't practice?violence.
We?do. We?don't?practice?violence.
But?we?are?prepared?for?it.
All?right. ?Let's?go?then. Let's?do?this.
You?and?what?army?
That?one.
Golden?pastures?from?here.
It's?all?I?see.
Nary?a?chem?trail?in?the?sky.
Possibility?of a?gentle?Nor'Wester.
Oh,?three?to?five?clicks by?the?look?of?her.
Well,?times?to?check?in on?the?Letterkenny?Banner.
What's?the?latest?
Was?that?your?tummy?grumbling or?was?that?you?proper?
That?was?my?tummy. Good?enough.
Well,?it?looks?like?they ???canceled?the?online?polls
to?pick?the?new?team?name.
Oh,?is?that?what?they?did?
Yeah,?it?seems?like?the
Muff?Riders?was runnings?away?with?it.
Foot?Fuckers?made more?sense?by?far. ?I'm?disappointed.
What?are?they going?with?instead?
Rough?Riders. Of?course?they?are.
Playoffs?start?next?week.
Who?they?playing? Runforough?Rough?Riders.
That's?gonna?be a?really?good?game.
Must?be?hard?kicking the?ball?in?the?snow.
My?money's?on?the?Rough?Riders.
You're?crazy. ?I?got?the Rough?Riders?by?a?mile.
Care?to?make?it?interesting?
I'll?put?ten?bucks on?the?Rough?Riders.
Make?it?twenty. I'll?take?that.
I'm?in?too.
See,?Wayne,?people?love to?cheer?for?a?rough?rider.
The?world's?going?to?hell in?a?hand?basket,?big?brother.
In?a?what,?Dary?
Brefekst?bakset. Attaboy.