Lehiyot Ita (2013–2021): Season 1, Episode 4 - Noa's Fan: Part 2 - full transcript

What the fuck are
you looking at?

Shoot.

Excuse me, sir?

Yes?

Can I use your phone, please?

Are you buying falafel?

No, I just need to...
So go away.

Cheap jerk...

Wait! Wait!

Wait a minute.

Hebrew?



Rahamim Tzarum,
originally from Rosh Ha'ayin.

Come on, sit down.

Have a seat.

"The Baker and the Beauty."

"Noa's Fan."

Look what you've done!
You idiot!

I'm sorry, I apologize,
I'm trying to follow my sister,

also my brother's ex is here,
and it's all just now,

and it's a bit
shocking... I'm sorry.

You're the only lesbian here who
looks like they do in pornos.

So here's the picture, okay?

Our film is about
an American spy,

whose secret weapon is being able
to read people's minds, okay?

Now, you are going to play
the evil Romanian's daughter.



So you need to seduce him,
but very carefully,

because he can read your thoughts,
and the only way you can seduce him,

is to actually fall
in love with him.

Which isn't too hard, when it's
Robert Downey Jr., right?

Exactly. Now, it's a small role,
but it's got great presence.

It's gonna be a huge film.
You know, I'm co-producer, so...

Your son is 16, and you're
already letting him produce?

When he was 8, he brought me
a comic book and said:

"Dad, make this into a movie".

That was Iron Man, which
made me 354 million Dollars.

Thank God parents
can't say "no" to their kids!

Harry, I have never done
anything like this,

so, why me?
You see, we saw your audition,

and we loved your approach.
I mean, you didn't give a fuck.

And if my son likes you
and you're in my movie,

then him and all of his friends
are going to go,

and if they go,
all their friends' friends go,

and their girlfriends.
And their girlfriends' dads.

Sorry.

"Tzvika: Everything okay?
Do you need to be rescued?"

Hey, could you sing
Lady Gaga, or something?

I'm kind of sick of that shit.

"Noa: Everything's great!
How is Amos?"

"Tzvika: Out on the town."

Listen...

You again? Take a hike,
or I'll cut it off,

I have a nail file, watch it.

I meant it as a
compliment, really.

The lesbians I see in porn films
are hot, not like these here.

Okay, I don't want to
listen to this any longer.

Where's my nail file?
Okay, I'm leaving, alright?

- Then leave.
- I'm leaving.

You know what?

If you want to cut it off,
then go for it,

but I want you to know,
you're the hottest girl here,

and deep inside, I am praying  To
God that you're not a lesbian,

because I'm dying
to ask you out on a date.

- Really?
- Really.

So I think...

What do you think?

I think someone's
honking for you.

Don't move.

- What's up?
- What's up?

I've been waiting for half an hour.
Have you forgotten about me?

Of course not, gorgeous, you're
the reason I came out here.

- Who's she?
- Who?

Her? Did you see us arguing?
She's just some lesbian.

Don't ask, she's the reason Meirav
came here, they had a fight

and I need to sort
it out for them.

Anyway, it's better that you go.
We'll talk tomorrow, alright?

Are you sure? I can wait
a little longer.

It's late, I'll call you
first thing in the morning.

Okay.

- Alright.
- Give me a kiss.

I had a great time. Really.

You're as sweet as your sister.

Thank you.

So... we'll talk tomorrow?

Okay, say "hi" to Meirav for me..
Cool.

So what, you have
a Lebanese partner?

A terrorist partner? God forbid.

So what's with all
the Arab flags in here?

This area belongs
to "our cousins",

so if need be, I'm an Arab,
even though I'm a Jew.

But the bottom line is, I'm British.
Really?

How did a guy
like you get a citizenship?

That's a nice story. Romantic.

In 2004, I went through
a messy divorce.

Remember this, the prettier the
woman, the uglier the divorce.

And then, I felt I had nothing
left for me in Israel,

so I decided to go to L.A. Where
all the "who's and who's" are.

At that time, Ben Haruzi had carts there.
Today he's in prison in Texas.

In short, I landed here
for a connection flight,

and met her at a Starbucks.

A 57-year old lawyer named Jennifer.
Single, Jewish, English, rich, loaded

and religious.
We talked over a coffee,

and she had me so hypnotized
that I missed my connection.

And? -We got married,
and I've been here ever since.

Good for you, you nailed it.
I Nailed it?! She nailed it!

They love Yemenites here.

They fight over them,
think we're Lionel Richie.

So what do you say, Rahamim?
How will you help me?

Listen, your girlfriend's cunning
father has two hotels here,

and only one of them
is next to Big Ben.

Noa Hollander! Here we come!

Guess what?

You booked the job!

You got a meeting set up
with the director for Thursday!

You're going to sit down with
him, you'll go over the script,

and I'm sure he's going to love you,
and if he doesn't, don't worry,

because I'm going to
tell him he loves you!

Harry, thank you so much
for this opportunity,

I don't know how to thank you.

Well... Maybe you could
take my boy out, you know...

I'm sure he'd love
to paint the town red with you.

Yeah, you know. The coolest
party in town is about to start.

So, come on.

You know what? I'm tired, and
I have an early flight, so...

But take your dad,
he's cool enough.

Good night, Noa.

Bye, good night.
Thank you so much.

Alright, come on, son. Let's go
video chat with your mother.

Prove to her you're
in one piece.

The British Tower of Babylon.

I got the key, Rahamim.

Great.

You saved my life, thank you.

Be careful!
I had bypass surgery last year.

No, I mean it,
I owe you big time.

Next time you are in Israel,
we'll have a black coffee.

The blackest of coffee!

- Alright.
- Okay, so...

What do you say? Is Noa around?

Either she's here, or she's
at some big after-party.

I see.

Can you see if she's in her room?
Don't I deserve a photo with her?

You'll do it for me?

Rahamim, I wish I could help you
out, but it's late and I'm tired.

Okay, you're right.

You're right.

Okay, when we're
back in Isreal...

- Black coffee.
- Black coffee.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- What's up, Vanessa?
- Hey!

I'm on to you. You've been
leading Amos on for nine years,

and in the end? It
turns out you're a...

And you're trying
to bring my sister over, too!

First of all, I'm a single,
curious, heterosexual woman,

who can do whatever she wants.

Second of all, Meirav called me
in tears, because of you,

and asked me to
come here with her.

We all hate you,
why would she call you?

She's very comfortable with me.
She told me she's gay a year ago.

She told you before she told me?

I'm like the sister
she never had.

Alright, so she actually
sent Amos a text about it,

and I went through his phone
and found out on my own, but...

I want you to know that now
that Amos and I are on a break,

she misses me very much.

Tell that to your brother.

She also told Amos?

How did he take it?

Just like I did.

He gave her a hug and told her
everything's alright.

That's not how I took it.

So here, God loves you.
She gave you a second chance.

Not now.

The animal returns...

Amos, honey, where've you been
and what've you been doing?

I almost slept on the street,
because of you.

You are unbelievable,
simply unbelievable.

You're brought into the heart
of the world's social elite,

and you, like a
true Black Panther,

still manage to find a reason
to feel oppressed.

Didn't you notice the sign?

Or don't you have those
at your cheap motels in Eilat?

Alright, Tzvika...
No, no. I don't feel well.

Come back in two hours,
I need to be alone for a while.

Hello.

I just need my phone.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Leaving so soon?

What are you doing here?

Me? Nothing,
I just came to... you know...

You're looking for
Noa, aren't you?

Who are you talking to?

Who's that?

Why are you leaving, guys?

Okay, I admit it,
I was looking for her.

When will I ever get
to meet her face to face? Never!

But there is a chance now, so I
admit it, I want to meet her.

Go home to your wife. What wife?

Your wife, the lawyer,
from the picture in your wallet.

Oh, her?
I divorced her two years ago,

she has a restraining order
on me.

To cut a long story short,
she called me a son of a bitch,

so I set her car on fire.

Okay, let's just go upstairs, knock
on the door and take a picture.

I know she's here,
she's in room 501.

How do you know that?

I gave the doorman 50 GBPs.
I know what I'm doing,

I did a week in Israel
for stalking Miri Buhadana.

I followed her around
for four hours on foot,

while she was riding her bike.

Rahamim, you're starting
to freak me out.

Miri Buhadana was
freaked out, too.

I'm telling you, Israeli celebrities
are very sensitive, not like here.

For example, if I chase Madonna
around from 5 AM to 6 PM,

she won't care.

Here it's customary to
obsessively idolize celebrities.

Okay, that's enough.

I'll meet you half way
and leave. You're right.

Good night.

But when we're back in Isreal...

- Black coffee.
- Black coffee.

Alright, see you.

Ian.

You said you were too tired
to go out, so...

Listen, though, I was just about
to go to sleep, so...

I don't think
you're allowed to drink.

I'm allowed to do
whatever I want.

You want some?
No. No, thank you. Okay.

Listen, lan, if the director
takes me for the role,

we'll have plenty of time
together on set, okay?

But now I'm...

Ian, please. Put your shirt on.

I'll put my shirt back on,
if you take yours off.

Okay, here's the deal.
You want to do the movie,

I want to do you.

I gave you that role, I could just
as easily take it away from you.

Ian, please, okay? Go now,
or I'll call my manager...

Call him. If he has any sense, he'll
tell you to go with it anyway.

Come on, who do you
think you are?

The road to the Oscars
is through this zipper, baby.

The only reason you got
that audition in the first place

is beause, you know,
you were someone's girlfriend,

and the only reason
you passed that audition

is because I've got the hots for
you, so don't start coming in...

Should I kick him out
violently or gently?

Who the fuck are you?

Gently, he's the producer's son.

She wants you to leave.
Are you leaving?

Look, I don't know who you are,
but I know who I am.

So if I was you,
I'd get the fuck out of here.

Hey! Man, you can't just...

Okay, okay!

You don't deserve my help.

Let's settle with "likes to look
at girls", I can live with that,

but I don't allow touching.

Let's settle on
"you have zero IQ".

Hey, hold it right there! Show
some respect to your big brother!

Are you showing me respect?

My first memory, from 8 years old,
is of falling down the stairs,

because you tied
my shoelaces together.

I remember that, you landed
right on your crooked teeth.

You know what, Assaf?
Just go home.

I don't give a damn about you.

There's only one brother that
I love, and that's Amos.

I just don't give
a damn about you, alright?

Just go home.

It's Mom. You're toast.

Hello?

I just went into Meirav's room, and
what did I find under the covers?

Not Meirav, just a
food processor.

Where are you?
We have to find the girl.

The girl is found, and you
don't want to know where.

Where? Where are you?

Did you get arrested? What
mess have you gotten her into?

Assaf, can you hear me?

What's that noise?

We're at...

At the studio.

I wanted to play for her
my Mediterranean cover

of Ilana Avital's song, "My
Return to the Mediterranean Sea".

Now, with Meirav?
But you can't stand her!

That's an understatement!

But she's also my sister,
and I love her.

- Okay, keep her safe. Bye.
- Bye.

I swear that I told
him to find you.

Alright, I heard you.

I'll stay until your poodle
finishes in our room,

and then I'll go to sleep.

Amos, this time
it's not my fault, honestly.

Okay, listen. You were only
lost for like an hour.

Okay? In the last minute,

I lost a part
in a huge Hollywood film.

Come on, you couldn't
care less about that movie.

That's right, until
I got the part,

and then I really
cared about it.

And then he said that I only got it
because I was someone's girlfriend,

And you know?
I think that's awesome!

I think that's awesome
since all I ever hear in Israel

is that I get what I want just
because I'm my father's daughter.

No, thank you.

Alright. It's a shame, though.
We could have had fun.

We could have had
a slumber party.

We could have made
some prank calls.

We could have played
"Truth or Dare".

You think you can do anything because
you have a pretty face, huh?

That's exactly what
my therapist says. That's funny.

She also says that if that's
the case, then I'm in trouble,

because we grow uglier
with each passing day.

Anyways, if you're trying to
punish me, forget it.

Time will do it on its own.

You drink too much.

Does your mother cook
huge Shabbat dinners?

You have no idea how much
food she cooks, it's insane.

I'd do anything for that!

For what?

You know, for dinner,
a Shabbat dinner like that.

What, at my mother's?

We start off with beef soup,
extra spicy,

followed by my mother's
Mujaddara, that's to die for,

and she makes these delicious
meat patties, with gravy...

I wish I could eat that now.

Amos? Is everything alright?

It's not Amos, it's Noa.

Noa? Our Noa?

Yes, I'm sorry for
calling so late,

but I wanted to ask if it would be
alright if I came to Shabbat dinner.

To Shabbat dinner? At our place?

Of course. -That's great.
I like Mujaddara...

I'll make an entire pot,
just for you, sweetie.

Avi, see if we have any lentils.

And tell her I also like
meat patties with red gravy!

Noa, you have no idea
how crazy Amos is about you,

he's just trying
to play it cool,

but he's trembling all over
whenever he's near you.

It's me, Mom. I'm sorry for calling
so late, we're a little tipsy.

They're tipsy together!

Listen, she won't be coming
to any Shabbat dinners.

Of course she will,
she just told me that.

She's drunk, she doesn't
know what she's saying.

Amos, please, don't take this
away from me, I'm begging you.

Look, Mom, I told her
I live in Tel Aviv.

If I bring her home,
she'll know I'm lying.

Why did you tell her
you live in Tel Aviv?

Why? Never mind,
we'll talk tomorrow.

Amos, wait a minute! Amos!

Amos!

Thank you so much.

Someone sent us ice cream.
We were just talking about food!

What are you doing here?
What is it now?

Who are you talking to?

Are you talking to me,
mister guest?

He's from the hotel staff, why are
you talking to him in Hebrew?

Do you realize how drunk we are?
One moment...

Ice cream, I'm so happy!

Did you see the way she touched
you? If I was your age,

she'd be sleeping in my bed
and eating from my plate by now.

Are you out of your mind?
What's wrong?

Did you murder someone
from the staff for his uniform?

God forbid, don't exaggerate!

I gave him 100 Pounds
and he hooked me up.

It's all good.
It's not insanity, it's resolve.

Alright, Rahamim. Let's go.
What?

Hold on, what about my picture?
You won't be taking any pictures.

But it's now or never! What is?

The name of the ice cream, "Now
or Never", ice cream for love.

Thank you.
Beautiful woman, beautiful tip.

Just a minute. Say "Shalom".
Shalom.

Give me kiss. Kiss, kiss!
Okay...

- What? What is it?
- Thank you.

Have you lost your mind?
What's the matter with you?

Trust me, she's into you. If
and when you guys get married,

remember not to sign a pre-nup.
Alright, Rahamim.

That's what killed me,
the pre-nup. Remember that.

Good night.

Have you ever kissed a girl?

And a guy?

You have? Who, that creep
I saw you with at school?

He's been in love with me since
ninth grade, it doesn't count,

I just wanted to get
him off my back.

But how do you know you want a girl
if you've never even kissed one?

I don't know how.
I just want it.

Look, Assaf, Meirav!
I am "lesbianing"!

Where's Amos?

Home. Sleeping.

I'm tired, too. Take me home.

I'll take you
wherever you want me to.

You can date my teacher.

No way. Just like I wouldn't go
out with someone Amos likes,

I won't go out with someone
you like. It's basic.

Besides, I already
have a new girlfriend.

If You love me, she has
forgiven me for the beer thing.

It's your lucky day.
It's leather, it doesn't stain.

But if You really love me,
she's not really gay.

I'm here with my sister
and her girlfriend.

You're chaperoning, huh?
Something like that.

I'm also here with my sister.
I'm gay friendly.

This is my sister, Slick.
Sapir and Moriah.

Can I take you on a date?

Can  You ask for my name first?
Nice.

Don't move.

Hi, Mom.

Assaf, you'll never believe
who's coming to Shabbat dinner.

Who?

Noa Hollander!

Don't make any plans
for Friday night.

We're having Shabbat dinner
with a major VIP guest.

Have you heard of Noa Hollander?

What did you say your name was?

"Okay, here's the deal,
you want to do the movie,

"and I want to do you.
You understand?".

Should I kick him out gently,
or should I kick his ass?

Kick his ass.

I'll tear you apart,
you asshole.

Stop with the Hebrew, Yemen Boy.

"Yemen Boy"?

Oh, no!
The producer's son is dead!

There goes my Hollywood dream!

"Yemen Boy", huh?

No, don't! Stop it!

Stop it!

It's already 4 AM.

Right.

I'd better get going. I bet Gucci
and Friends are done by now.

You don't have to leave. You can
sleep over, if you want to.

Really?

No.

But seriously,
we have to get up in like...

You really can sleep over,
if you want to.

Are you serious?

No.

Why did you bring me here?

Why did you drag me
all the way to London?

Because you've
never been abroad.

Do you always invite people you've only
known for two days to fly with you?

You're no stranger. I know
a lot of things about you.

- A lot?
- Yes.

I know that you recently
broke up with someone.

I know  That you bake
pita bread. Impressive, no?

I know that you're
crazy about me.

You sneak...

We need to talk about
your artistic talent.

You can make a lot of money from
it, you saw for yourself today.

Yeah. That won't
happen in my case.

Too bad. You could have been the
next Alfred Amsterdam. -Shut up.

It's time to rest.
Now we're having fun.

Are you having fun with me?

Most of the time. It's not
as fun when you disappear.

Are you having fun with me?

You don't want to elaborate?

Now we're playing
the silent game?

I'm a little drunk.

I'm sorry.

You're not mad, are you?
I'm furious.

Just don't accuse me
of rape tomorrow morning.

- Morning.
- Good morning, Noa.

What time is it?

8 AM. We have an hour
to get to the airport.

I just got off the phone
with Harry Gordon.

Why did he have to update me on what
happened with his son last night?

Why didn't you call me?

I told you they're jerks.

For your information,
the jerk has apologized,

he said he's very happy someone
finally put his son in his place,

and he's offered,
if you're interested, of course,

to fly you to LA, to meet
the movie director.

You don't say.

That's great, Tzvika. Good job.
In the end, you were right.

Thank you. Noa?

What's that?

If your answer
might give me a stroke,

paralysis or an epileptic
seizure, I kindly ask you to lie,

and you know that I can always
tell when you're lying.

What's this?

Amos! Get up, we have
to leave for the airport.

What is he doing in your bed?

Amos, get up.
Hollander, I'm talking to you!

Five more minutes, Mom.

Listen very carefully, if I find
out that you laid even half a hand

on my little girl, I'll sue
you for sexual harassment

and send you straight to prison.

You'll be sharing a bunk
with Moshe Katzav, got it?

Noa, darling?

Shabbat Shalom!
Amos, I'll kill you!

I want Noa to fall in love with our
warm, traditional, Yemenite home.

Shabbat Shalom everyone.
Our cousin. She's religious.

What are all these lies, Mom?
For what?

Why do we have to lie that you
live in a two room apartment

on "Ben Yehuda"?
- "Bar Kokhba"!

If she falls in love with us...

Please take a picture with this...
"Shimshon's Garage, My garage!"

She'll fall in love with...

Amos? You're a little
nuts, aren't you?

"Vanessa: Shosh told my mom that
you're dating Noa Hollander? WTF?"