Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 34 - Beaver's Graduation - full transcript

Starring...

and...

- Oh, hello, Gilbert.
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

- Can I see Beaver, please?
- Uh-huh. It's upstairs.

Oh, have you seen the class pin?

Beaver got his yesterday.

That insignia there is in Latin.

It means "wisdom
through learning."

My uncle translated it for me.

He's a pharmacist.

Guess you're all pretty excited



about graduation
coming up, Gilbert.

Oh, yeah. Our principal,
Mrs. Rayburn, says,

"We stand now in
the vestibule of life."

- You hear that?
- Yeah.

I think in my day, we stood
on the threshold of tomorrow.

- It's nice to see them
taking graduation seriously.
- Yeah.

What do you mean we should
ditch English class tomorrow?

Come on, Beav. The
teachers and everybody

are too busy worrying
about graduation

to care what we do.

But couldn't we get in trouble?

What kind of trouble?
We've got our class pins,

our pictures are
in the yearbook,

they're printing
up our diplomas,



and they even assigned us our
seats in the auditorium for graduation.

We got it made.

We're as good as sitting
in high school right now.

Yeah, but you
know what they say:

Don't count your chickens
before they're hatched.

Beav, why are you
dragging chickens into this?

All I wanna do is ditch English.

Okay. But it'd be
pretty embarrassing

getting kicked out of school
the day before graduation.

Nah.

Beaver, is that your
homework for tonight?

I don't have any homework?

What do you mean
you don't have any?

You got classes right up
until graduation, don't you?

Yeah, but they just have classes

so you won't be horsing
around and hitting each other.

Gilbert says nobody pays
any attention to school work

these last few days.

You better watch it,
Beaver, or on graduation day,

you're liable to
show up missing.

That can't happen.

What do you mean,
"that can't happen?"

They have to graduate me.

And just why do they
have to graduate you?

Because I already
have my class pin,

and my picture's already with
the graduating class in the annual.

That doesn't mean anything.

Oh, yeah? Well, I've had
good grades all year long,

and Mrs. Rayburn says I get to
present the colors on graduation day.

And anyway, nobody
even said anything

when me and Gilbert ditched
English class yesterday.

- You ditched English?
- Yeah.

We went over to the
park and messed around.

Beaver, you little knucklehead.

You're really asking for it.

We had this guy in our
graduating class, Jeff Dorsey,

and he thought he had
it made just like you do.

He was horsing around the last few
weeks of school, and they flunked him.

Yeah. But did he
have his picture

in the annual with
the graduating class?

Yes, his picture was in there.

What'd they do about it?

Right across his face,
they stamped, "Flunked."

Aw, they did not.

Well, maybe not.

But they might as well have,

'cause everybody
knew he didn't graduate.

His parents were all upset,
and he felt like a real dope.

And you're gonna
feel that same way

if you don't get on the ball.

Aw, you're just saying
that to try and scare me.

Okay. Okay, you
goof off if you want to.

But don't blame me
if on graduation day,

you're out in the
alley somewhere,

watching the ceremony
through field glasses.

- More toast, Wally?
- Oh, no, thanks, Mom.

I've gotta get going. Oh,
just butter me a piece.

I'll eat it in the car.

I didn't realize it was so late.

Come on, Beav. I'll
give you a ride to school.

Oh, you go ahead.
I'm not ready yet.

I wanna finish reading
the sports section.

You better ride with your
brother. You're going to be late.

Oh, it doesn't matter, Mom.

There's nothing much going
on at school these days.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Beaver.

Just because
graduation's coming up,

there's no reason
to take that attitude.

He's acting like
he's got it made.

But the teachers aren't very
strict on account of graduation.

Mr. Thompson showed
slides in his class yesterday,

and they weren't
even about history.

Boy, they were interesting.

Well, Beaver, just because
the teachers are being nice,

don't try to take
advantage of them.

Boy, if I was a teacher, I
wouldn't start easing up

on a class full
of kids like him.

That'd be like Clyde Beatty turning
his back on a cage full of tigers.

Wally, if you don't mind.

Now, look, Beaver, you've
had a pretty good record

so far this year in school.

- Let's not spoil it now.
- But gee, Dad,

I've been waiting eight years
to get some fun out of school.

Well, if you've waited that long, I
think you can wait a little longer.

Now you get on to school.

Yes, Mom.

Oh, like a buttered
piece of toast?

Oh, yeah. Thanks.
I'll eat it in the car.

Gilbert.

I was inside the door when
the bell rang, Mrs. Rayburn.

Yes, Gilbert, I know.

I'd like to have you take this down
to Miss Walker in my office, please.

- Shall I wait for an answer?
- No. You may just
leave it there.

- And, Gilbert?
- Yes, ma'am?

Don't stop for too many
drinks of water on the way back.

Yes, ma'am.

Hey, Beav.

Oh, hi, Gilbert.

What are you doing
out here, Beav?

- I'm heading for class.
- Well, you better get going.

The last bell rang already.

There's no rush. Mrs. Rayburn
doesn't even take roll anymore.

She doesn't have to when
she catches you coming in late.

Yeah. When you've had a perfect attendance
record like I have, it doesn't matter.

Where you going?

I gotta deliver this in here
to Mrs. Rayburn's secretary.

Okay. I'll wait for you.

Oh, Miss Walker, I'm supposed
to give you this from Mrs. Rayburn.

Well, just put it
inside, will you, please?

- I have to step out
for a few minutes.
- Yes, ma'am.

Come on, Beav.

There's no one here.

I've never been in a principal's
office when it was empty before.

It's real spooky.

Yeah. It's kind of like
being in a graveyard at night.

Hey, Beav, these
are our diplomas.

Yeah. Mrs. Rayburn
must've been signing them.

Yeah, that makes it official.

Like in those prison pictures
when the warden paroles you.

Come on, Gilbert. Let's go.

- It feels scary in here.
- I just wanna see something.

- See what?
- Well, a lot of guys are saying

that Butch Crayton
isn't gonna graduate,

and I thought I'd
just check and see.

Well, do you think we should?

What can it hurt?

Nothing if you don't get caught.

It won't matter. This is
messing-around week anyway.

Yeah, but isn't it
kind of sneaky?

Of course not.

Now, you look through
them, and I'll watch the door.

Hey, they're all in
alphabetical order.

"Alger, Anderson,
Annet, Baker"... "Bates"!

Bates. That's me, Beav.

I know.

"Gilbert Grover Bates."

- Grover?
- Don't knock it, Beav.

That Grover in
there is good for $10

from my Uncle Grover
when I graduate.

"Carver, Cowan, Crayton"...

Here it is. Butch
is gonna graduate.

That's good. I'd hate to
see the guy left behind,

even if he is the
stupidest guy in class.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's the matter?

Between "Carver" and "Cowan,"
there should've been a "Cleaver."

- Cleaver?
- Yeah, me.

"Carver, Cowan,
Crayton, Cullen"...

No Cleaver.

Maybe it's under "Theodore."

Yeah, Theodore.

No, it's not under
"Theodore" either.

- It can't be under "Beaver."
- Nah.

They wouldn't graduate a
guy that sounds like an animal.

You know something?

Wally was right.
I'm not graduating.

Yeah, well, gee,
that's tough, Beav,

but I guess that's what you
get for thinking you had it made.

Do you have all the diplomas
signed, Mrs. Rayburn?

Yes, but there seems
to be about four missing.

Oh, I put those
aside in your drawer.

Those are the special
students who'll be on the stage...

The speakers and
the color guards.

Oh, fine. Yes, here they are.

"Catherine Oliver,
"Stanley Smith,

"Allan Barker, Mary Case,"

and "Theodore Cleaver."

Fine. Now, these students

will receive their diplomas
after the ceremony.

I sure feel for you, Beav.

Boy, of all the
things to happen...

Not graduating.

- Beav?
- Yeah?

If it'll make you
feel any better,

I won't tell anybody
about what happened.

Thanks a lot, Gilbert.

I think it'd be a lot
better if you didn't.

Yeah. You're my best friend.

I'm as ashamed about you
not graduating as you are.

Ward, it's just beautiful.

"Theodore Cleaver,
Class Of '63."

- You think he'll like it?
- Oh, I know he will.

Beaver's never had a really
good wristwatch before.

I think he deserves it.
After all, he's brought home

some pretty good report
cards through the years.

Oh, is that you, Beaver?

Yeah, Dad, it's me.

Well, how was school today, son?

School? Oh, it was okay.

Beaver, I have some
good news for you.

I had a call from Uncle Billy,

and he'll be coming
to your graduation,

and so will Aunt Martha.

They're coming to my graduation?

Yes, and I think
it's just wonderful.

Do you know Uncle Billy will be
flying all the way from California?

Well, maybe you better
tell him not to come.

- Why?
- Well, it's such a long trip,

and it seems like Uncle Billy will be
going to a lot of trouble for nothing.

Beaver, don't call
your graduation nothing.

So far, this is the
biggest day in your life.

And we're so proud of you.

We're very proud of you.

Yeah. Well, if you're
through being proud of me,

I think I'm gonna go upstairs.

Well, he didn't seem very
excited about Uncle Billy

and Aunt Martha
coming for his graduation.

Well, it's a pretty
nervous occasion.

I'm sure Marie Antoinette
didn't want her relatives there

when she ascended the platform.

Boy, you know, for a
harmless-looking little creep,

you can sure cause
an awful lot of trouble.

What are you talking about?

Well, on account
of your graduation,

I gotta send this suit
out and have it pressed,

and I gotta break this
date with this new girl, and...

You can quit worrying.

You can still keep your date.

Are you kidding?
I'm stuck to go.

Mom and Dad wouldn't stand
still for me missing your graduation.

Anyway, I don't
wanna sound square,

but I'm kind of looking
forward to going, too.

Yeah? Well, you can
forget looking forward to it.

Hey, Beaver, what
are you talking about?

I'm not gonna graduate.

What?

You were right, Wally.

I goofed myself right
out of graduating.

Oh, come on,
Beaver. You're kidding.

Uh-uh. I was in Mrs.
Rayburn's office today,

and I saw all the diplomas
for the graduating class,

and there was none there for me.

You mean you were
looking at the diplomas?

Yeah. Me and Gilbert
just took a peek.

We looked through every
one, and mine wasn't there.

Wow, Beaver.

A thing likes this makes Eddie
Haskell look like Tinker Bell.

When I was giving you the
business about goofing off,

I never thought it
would end up like this.

Me, either.

Boy, with all the relatives coming,
and Mom and Dad's friends.

Yeah. Everybody's gonna
be at my graduation but me.

It's a mess, isn't it, Wally?

It's a mess to end all messes.

Graduation's a day that parents look
forward to even more than the kids do.

What can I do, Wally?

I gotta graduate.
I've just got to.

Well, look, you're
still going to school.

Maybe if you just started cramming
like crazy for the next few days.

But if it's all set I'm
not gonna graduate,

I don't wanna start
studying for nothing.

Come on. You just
get at those books.

At least this way, Miss
Rayburn will know you're trying.

Okay, I'm trying, but I'm dying.

- How do you do, Mr. Cleaver?
- Oh, hi, Eddie.

Oh, Mr. Cleaver,
it looked like rain,

so I took the liberty of
rolling up your car windows.

Well, thank you, Eddie. That
was very thoughtful of you.

Not at all. Is Wallace upstairs?

Yes. Go right on up.

Thank you, sir.

Ward?

I was looking to see
if it's going to rain.

Oh, weatherman says no
rain in sight for five days.

He probably hasn't
consulted with Eddie Haskell.

So I rang her doorbell,
closed my eyes, and said,

"Kiss me baby."

How did I know her father
would answer the door?

Hey, what's the matter
with Br'er Rabbit here?

Oh, uh, he's studying.

Studying? What for?

School is about
over. It's fun time.

You should be
having your jollies.

Get him out of
here, will you, Wally?

Look, short stuff,
I'm on your side.

Forget the books. You should
be out having yourself a ball.

Look, Eddie, that's the
cause of his whole trouble.

Because he has been
having a ball, he's not gonna...

Well, never mind.

What were you gonna say, Sam?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing. Forget it.

You might as
well tell him, Wally.

He'll find out sooner
or later anyways.

Okay. Beaver's
not gonna graduate.

He's not gonna graduate?

What'd they do, find
out he's a midget?

Nah. He's been horsing around

when he should have been
leveling on his schoolwork.

Look, Eddie, don't
make any cracks.

I feel bad enough already.

Oh, well, kid, I feel for you.

Maybe there's something
I could do to help.

What could you do to help?

Look, I've been in every
kind of trouble there is.

The first thing you should do is
to go into Mrs. Rayburn's office

and throw yourself on her mercy.

Now, look, I know this
sounds corny at your age,

but if you can cry,
that's half the battle.

Me cry?

Yeah. Force yourself.

Tell her your
whole life is ruined,

that your parents are
kicking you out of the house,

you're disgraced forever.

But I couldn't cry.

It's simple. Just before
you go into her office,

punch yourself in the nose.

- Cut it out, Eddie.
- No, I'm not kidding.

I mean it.

How do you think I got
out of grammar school?

Eddie, Beaver couldn't
pull a stunt like that.

He's not as big a
con artist as you are.

Yeah, you're right.

He's not in my league.

Hey, Beaver, what did your
father say when you told him?

Went right through
the ceiling, huh?

He hasn't told him yet.

Well, that was smart.
At least you're thinking.

I don't think I'll ever
be able to tell him.

Yeah. Why risk your teeth when
you just got them straightened?

No. This calls for
Operation Soft Soap.

What do you mean?

Well, instead of going
directly to your father,

filter it through your mother.

Break it to her
nice and easy like.

That way, when
she tells your father,

she's on your side.

Yeah. Maybe that's
what I should do,

because Mom is a
lot easier than Dad.

- All right.
- You gonna tell her now?

I might as well
get it over with.

Hey, Beaver, if you wanna
throw in some tears along with it,

I'll be happy to
punch you in the nose.

No, thanks, Eddie.

Poor kid.

Well, I'll be seeing you,
Wally. I gotta get home

and start working on my
father for my graduation present.

- Oh, yeah?
- Sure.

If I play my cards right,

I'll be riding to college
on a motorcycle.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Beaver.

- What's for dessert?
- Chocolate cake.

Oh, that's good, Mom,

'cause you make the best
chocolate cake around.

Mom, uh,

you know Dad
pretty well, don't you?

Oh, I think you could say that.

He likes jokes, doesn't he?

Your father has a
wonderful sense of humor.

Well, then, if I gave
you a joke to tell him,

well, he'd laugh, wouldn't he?

What kind of joke?

Well, I don't know.

Like if you went up and said,

"Well, hey, guess what?

Beaver's not gonna
graduate this year."

And then you laugh,
and he'd laugh.

You mean you want
me to kid your father?

Yeah.

But, well, if we took
the kidding out of it,

would he still be laughing?

Beaver, are you
really trying to tell me

that you aren't going to
graduate with your class?

Well, yes, Mom.

I'm not gonna
graduate with my class.

- So I figured when you told Dad...
- Ward!

Will you come in here
right away, please?

And then we looked
through all the diplomas,

and mine wasn't there.

Well, Beaver,
in the first place,

you had no business snooping
around the principal's office.

You knew that was
wrong, didn't you?

Yes, sir, I knew it.

But gee, Dad, if I
hadn't had snooped,

I wouldn't have known I
wasn't gonna graduate.

I just can't understand it.

I thought you were doing
pretty well in school this year.

Don't you have any idea
what's behind all this?

I don't know.

I guess they're just
sort of picking on me.

Come on, Beaver.
Tell Dad the truth.

Well, for one thing,

I have sort of been goofing off.

I even ditched a class.

Oh, so that's it.

But, Dad, a lot of the
other kids were doing it.

Oh, Beaver, that's the
oldest excuse in the world...

"the other kids were doing it."

Yes, Beaver, you
can go through life

using other people as
an excuse for your actions,

but when you get in trouble,
you'll find that you're on your own.

Yes, sir.

Well, I guess the
only thing for you to do

is go in and see Mrs. Rayburn
tomorrow and tell her what you found out.

Maybe there's some
explanation for all this.

Yeah. Maybe it wasn't
your goofing around.

Maybe it's just
'cause you're stupid.

Wally.

Gee, Dad, do I
have to talk to her?

Yes, you do. And
when you talk to her,

I'd like you to tell her that I
wanna come in and talk to her, too.

Golly, Dad. Do you think you
can make her let me graduate?

Now, Beaver, that's something
I wouldn't do even if I could.

The first step is for you to
go in and talk to Mrs. Rayburn.

Yeah.

I guess if a guy's
supposed to lose,

everybody's supposed to let him.

- Hey, Beav.
- Oh, hi, Gilbert.

What's the matter, Beav? You've
been moping around school all day.

Well, I gotta talk to Mrs.
Rayburn about not graduating.

She's kind of busy these days. I
wanna catch her in a good mood.

Why don't you
wait till next year?

You'll have plenty of time.

Come in.

Oh, hello, Theodore.

I thought everyone had
gone home for the day.

No, ma'am. Not everybody.

Well, is there
something you want?

I just wanted to tell you that I
was in your office yesterday.

Oh? I don't recall
sending you here.

Oh, well, you didn't. But you
sent Gilbert Bates with a note,

and I sort of came with him.

I see.

And then, when we were going
through the diplomas, I found out that...

You were going
through the diplomas?

Yes, ma'am. While
Gilbert was playing chickie.

Why were you going
through the diplomas?

Well, we wanted to see if Butch
Crayton was gonna graduate.

And did you find out
what you were looking for?

Yes, ma'am.

But I also found out something
that I wasn't looking for.

Oh? What was that?

That I'm not gonna graduate.

Oh.

Oh.

Boy, I sure wish my father
would've laughed when I told him.

Oh, Beaver, do you know why

your diploma wasn't
there with the others?

Because I goofed off
and I ditched a class.

No, Beaver.

Because you and
some of your classmates

are going to be on the stage
during the graduation exercises,

and you're going to receive
your diplomas after the others,

and that's why
we put those aside.

Now do you see why I was amused?

No, ma'am, I don't
now, but I may later.

All right, Beaver.

Wally, is it true when
you go to high school

that you have to change
classrooms for every course?

Well, sure. What do you
think they're gonna do,

bring the teachers
around to you?

No. But I was just thinking,

Mayfield High has four floors,

and if get all your
courses on one floor,

you'd save a lot of
running up and down.

Beaver, you're not
even in high school yet,

and you're already trying
to figure out ways to goof off.

Oh, no, I'm not.

But I was just wondering
what it's gonna be like.

You sound like you're kind of
scared about going to high school.

Well, maybe I am a little.

- Well, how come?
- I don't know.

I just can't picture myself
looking like one of those teenagers

you see in those
crazy magazines.

Well, don't let that
worry you, Beav.

Eddie says those guys
aren't really teenagers.

They're just a bunch of
models the magazines hire

to give us a bad name.

- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.

You know, high school's
gonna be a lot more crowded

that what you're used to.

You've got guys from six
different grammar schools

going to Mayfield High.

Really?

Well, now what are
you worried about?

You mean I'll be going to school

with a bunch of strangers?

Aw, go to sleep, will you?

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA