Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 6, Episode 35 - Wally's Practical Joke - full transcript

Starring...

and...

Okay, Wally, I got my
chariot right over here.

First, we'll go by
Mary Ellen Rogers.

Then we'll go by Julie Foster.
Then we'll hop over to Cathy Parker's.

That way, we give three different
groups the benefit of our charms.

Gee, Eddie, I still think we
ought to phone them first.

Listen, if it was just
me, I'd phone first.

But with you along,
all doors are open.

Even their fathers
will speak to us.

Hey, wait a minute, Wally.
Let me get in on your side.



I don't wanna have
to untie the rope.

Hey, Eddie, what happened
to your backseat covers?

Search me. They
were there last week.

I hope your battery's not dead.

How could it be
dead? I just took it out

of my father's car this morning.

Lumpy, you rat!

- What's so funny?
- Well, nothing.

But you gotta admit it
was a pretty good joke.

I don't think it's so funny.

Aw, forget it. Come
on. We'll go in my car.

You know, Wally, that is
a pretty funny joke at that.

Boy, Dad, you
should've been here.

First Eddie's car blew up,
and then Wally's car blew up.



It sounded like the coming
attractions for The Longest Day.

I was ironing. It
scared me half to death.

Did it damage your car, Wally?

No, not at all. But it blew a
radiator hose off Eddie's car,

'cause he had it stuck on
there with adhesive tape.

Boy, it was neat. I didn't
think Lumpy had enough brains

to think up anything that good.

Well, I guess this is the time
of year for kids to horse around.

I remember when I
was in high school,

one of the fellas had one
of those little Austin cars.

About ten of us got together and carried
it up the school steps and put it right...

Ward.

Oh. I keep forgetting

I'm not supposed to have
had any fun when I was a kid.

Well, I guess if Lumpy
got a charge out of it,

I'm not gonna
hold it against him.

I'll get the door.

I wonder who that can be.

Probably one of
Beaver's friends.

They're the only ones stupid
enough to come around at dinnertime.

Oh, hi, Eddie.

Well, Little Orphan Annie.

Would you tell Daddy
Warbucks I'm here?

- Who is it, Beaver?
- It's the Mad Bomber.

Is it okay if Eddie
comes in, Mom?

Of course. Why not?

Well, you know, we're
having dinner and all.

Come on in, Eddie.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Oh, good evening.

I hope I'm not
interrupting your dinner.

Oh, no, that's okay,
Eddie. We've just finished.

- May I be excused?
- Of course.

Eddie, I understand
you were the victim

of a little practical
joke this afternoon.

Oh, yes, sir. Of course, I consider
pranks like that rather juvenile.

Not what you'd expect of a
man about to enter college.

Well, Eddie has quite
a sensible attitude

about Lumpy's practical joke.

Well, maybe Eddie's
finally growing up.

Wally, I got the greatest
gag to pull on Lumpy.

It'll send him right from
here to the nut farm.

Nah. I don't think we
should pull that on Lumpy.

That sounds kind of dangerous.

Okay, I got an alternative.

We'll get this big
coil spring, see?

And we'll jam it into his locker at
school and force the door closed.

Then when he opens it, boing!

It might even loosen
a couple of teeth.

Cut it out, Eddie.

Okay, so we'll put
a boxing glove on it.

Hey, that's a neat one, but
don't spoil it with a boxing glove.

Lumpy had his fun.

Why don't we
just forget about it?

Hey, I've got a good one.

When Lumpy's in the gym,
why don't you take his clothes

and tie them in knots and
then soak them in water?

He'll never get them untied.

He'll have to go home on the
school bus in his sweat suit.

Now, what kind of a stupid
kid's suggestion is that?

We don't wanna mortify
him, wanna mangle him.

Eddie, I don't mind having
fun, but let's not overdo it, huh?

Okay, look, I just thought of
one that's clever but harmless.

You know how Lump
is always bragging

about the fast pickup
of that heap he drives?

Yeah? What about it?

Well, you father's got that
big toe chain in the garage.

We'll take it over to lumps,

tie it around the rear axle,
tie the other end to a tree.

Here comes fat
stuff out of the house.

He gets in the
car, puts it in low,

lets out the clutch,
it doesn't move.

He just sits there
burning rubber.

Boy, Eddie, that's a neat one.

If you're that smart, how come
you have to go to summer school?

Well, how about it,
Wally? Are you with me?

Yeah. I guess a gag like
that couldn't hurt anything.

Great. Then you get the
chain and meet me outside

of Lumpy's house
tomorrow after school.

Yeah. And then when Lumpy comes
out, we can be hiding in the bushes.

"We"? Where do
you get this "we" stuff?

What do you think we're
running here, group therapy?

Now, look, Wally, Lumpy gets
home from school about 3:30.

We should be
there at least by 3:20

so we can have the...

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Beaver.

Where's Wally? Didn't
he bring you home?

No. I think Wally might be a
little late coming home today.

Late? He doesn't
have practice, does he?

No, but I think he might be doing
something with Eddie Haskell.

Oh. Doing what?

Well... What's so funny?

Oh, nothing, Mom. It's
just a joke I heard at school.

Well, come on. Tell me.

Oh. Well, come to think of
it, it's not very funny at all.

Hey, you about finished?

Yeah.

I got it hooked good.

Take it easy with that
thing. Don't rattle it.

Yeah, I know.

Well, he can't see us
from the house anyway.

Hey, shove the slack
up underneath the car

so it can't be seen.

Now we just wait
for him to come out.

But, Eddie, what if
he doesn't come out?

Listen, every night
before supper,

he goes down to the
malt shop for a sundae.

He's not supporting that
blubber on skim milk, you know.

Gee, that could be
a couple of hours yet.

Now then, the thing to do

is to coax Smokey the
Bear out of hibernation.

You think so?

Yeah, he might double-cross us

and stay inside all
afternoon and study.

How are you going
to coax him out?

Come on.

- Yes?
- Excuse me, ma'am.

We're having a
little car trouble,

and I wondered if I
might use your phone

to call the automobile
club for assistance.

This isn't some trick to
sell me magazines, is it?

Oh, no, we'll be very happy
to pay for the phone call.

Well, you look like
two nice young men.

I guess it's all right.
There's the phone.

Thank you very much.

We'll let ourselves out. We
appreciate your kindness.

Hey, Eddie, what's the big idea?

Our car didn't break down.

Cool it, Sam. Listen to this.

Hello?

Hello, is this you Clarence?

Yeah, this is
Clarence. Who's this?

Well, don't you
recognize my voice?

This is Julie Foster.

Julie?

You're calling me?

Yes, Clarence, I'm
having a little trouble,

and I wondered if
you could help me?

You want me to help you?

Yes, it's geometry,
and you're so good at it.

I'm sitting here trying
to do these problems,

and I wondered,
"Could you come over?"

Uh, sure, Julie.

I'll just put on my
shirt and be right over.

You are calling Clarence
Rutherford, aren't you?

Of course I am.

I just wanted to make sure.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Come on, Wally.
Lover boy is ready.

He's going to come out of there
like he was shot out of a canon.

Oh, no.

Daddy!

Daddy!

Is it a mess, Daddy?

Well, the way you drive,

I'm surprised
something like this

didn't happen a long time ago.

All I did was put
it in a low gear.

It just came apart on me.

Oh, shut up.

Did you wrap this chain
around your rear axel?

Why would I do that?

That just sounds like
something you'd do.

Julie Foster just called me

to come over and help
her with her homework.

I don't know how this happened.

Wait a minute. A girl wants you

to help her with her homework?

Must be some kind of a joke.

Why would you say that?

Never mind.

Look, this chain has
Ward Cleaver's name on it.

Wally and Eddie must
have done this to me.

Now wait a minute.

This chain may belong to Wally.
Why did you mention Eddie?

I don't know.

Is there any reason why they'd
want to play a trick on you?

Oh, no, Daddy.
Everybody likes me.

Where are you going?

In the house. I thought maybe
Mom would give me some ice cream.

You big oaf, get
down there and drag

that piece of junk up
here in the driveway.

Yes, Daddy.

Why are you looking so grim?

I'm reading the comics.

They have more international
disasters than the front page.

When I was a kid, you
looked at Happy Hooligan

and you knew he was funny.

Who is Happy Hooligan?

Don't you remember?
During the holidays,

the kids used to wish each other

a Mary Pickford and
a Happy Hooligan?

Oh, the mad, gay
times you used to have.

Shaker Heights swinger.

Did you notice how nervous
Wally seemed to be at dinner?

Remember that phone call
for Beaver, the way he jumped?

When you're a teenager,

You automatically expect

the world to cave in
on you at any minute.

You mean the whole rear
end pulled out of Lumpy's car?

Yeah, and the rest of the
car went sliding into the street.

What a neat thing.

I'd have given a million
dollars to see Lumpy's face.

What are you talking about?

We just thought he
wouldn't be able to drive off.

We didn't want to wreck his car.

Even Eddie didn't
want to wreck his car.

Is Eddie going
soft or something?

They were just getting even
with him for what he did to you.

Yeah, but it's gonna cost
money to fix Lumpy's car.

We did wreck it.

Yeah, that's right.

If you and Eddie offer to pay
for it, they'll know who did it.

Yeah.

Hey, why don't you mail the
money without your name on it?

You mean anonymously?

Yeah, I saw a crook do
it in a prison picture once.

He wanted to go straight
because his daughter

was going to marry
the chief of police.

The crook was that
Edward G. Robinson guy.

He was real good at going
straight at the end of a picture.

Hello, Fred. Come on in.

- Thank you, Ward.
- June, it's Fred.

Hello, Fred. Come on un here.

Thank you, but my business
is with the lord of the manor.

What have we here?

A rather unpleasant situation.

Recognize this tow chain?

I assume it's yours.
It has your name on it.

Yes, I guess it is.

I found it this afternoon

wrapped around my
Clarence's rear axle.

Your son borrowed it?

I don't think so.

The axle was in the driveway.

The rest of the car
was out in the street.

Oh.

Someone deliberately
sabotaged my lad's car

with your tow chain.

Then when he took
off, the car just fell apart.

We didn't think it
was gonna do that.

It was all Lumpy's fault.

Lumpy's fault?

He started the whole thing

by putting smoke bombs
in Wally and Eddie's car.

But Lumpy didn't
do any real damage.

We didn't mean to, either.

It was just a funny joke.

Sometimes funny jokes
can do a lot of damage.

What do you think
they should do?

I'd like to hear Wally's
ideas on the subject.

I think they should send
the money anonymously

like Edward G. Robinson.

I'm afraid it's a
little too late for that.

Gee, Dad, I was just thinking.

Maybe if Eddie and I can get
hold of the right kind of tools,

we could probably
put the rear end back.

All right. You can try.

But if you're not successful,

you'll have to come up with
some way to pay for the damage.

I'll call Fred and tell
him what you plan to do.

I know this is a big mess,

but I'd have given anything
to be there and see it.

- Hi, Eddie.
- Hiya, Wally.

I got tickets to the
game Saturday.

How about you and I
picking up a couple of chicks

and really having a ball?

Saturday, you and I are
going to be fixing Lumpy's car.

Are you kidding? They
can't connect us with that.

All we got to do is...

Good evening, Mr. Cleaver.

Hello, Eddie.

Oh, Fred, I was just
talking to Wally and Eddie.

They say they'll be delighted

to repair Clarence's
car Saturday.

Isn't that right, Eddie?

Oh, yes.

I was thinking of
suggesting that myself.

It's a splendid idea.

Yes, Fred, they'll be over
first thing Saturday morning.

Yeah, right.

We better get upstairs

and start planning on how
we're going to do the job.

Hey, Wally, who's the
fink that spilled the beans?

If it was that little brother
of yours, I'll clobber him.

Boy, I sure wish I was
helping fix up Lumpy's car.

You don't know
anything about cars.

Yeah, I know.

But messing around
with all that grease and oil,

what a neat excuse
for getting dirty.

Do you think this is
too big a job for Wally?

I don't know. It's a
good way to find out.

Dad, Mr. Rutherford
was pretty mad

when he came
over here, wasn't he?

Yes, he was pretty angry.

If he'd have started something,
would you have beat him up?

Beaver, of course not.

When people get to be my age,
they don't settle things that way.

Does that mean when a guy
gets older, he gets more chicken?

No, it means you
get more sensible.

Ward, I'm afraid fixing this car

is too big a job for Wally.

Don't forget, Eddie
is in on this, too.

And Lumpy will be there to help.

I wish you fellows
would hurry it up.

I have a tuba
lesson this afternoon.

Will you quit your griping
and hand me that wrench?

Hey, Eddie, is the
drain plug tight?

Let me check it.

I think it turns the
other way, Eddie.

No fooling.

Hey, Lumpy,

your whole tailpipe is
wired up with a coat hanger.

Yeah, I did that to pass
the safety inspection.

Boy, I sure hope I have enough
gas to get to my tuba lesson.

We're sure not pushing
you to any gas station.

That's okay. I'll drain some
gas out of my father's car.

What's that, Clarence?

I was just joking
with the fellas, Daddy.

Sometimes, Clarence, I
don't appreciate your humor.

How are you lads coming?

Very well, Mr. Rutherford.

I hoped you learned your
lesson about practical jokes.

It shows a very
juvenile attitude.

Oh, yes, sir. Just as juvenile

as Clarence putting those
cherry bombs in our cars.

What's that? Did you do
something to their cars?

Well, it was just a
harmless, little joke.

If you started this, it's not
fair for them to do all the work.

Put on your old
clothes and help them.

Mr. Rutherford?

Could you do us a favor?

What's that?

Well, Eddie and I are
getting along pretty well here.

Please don't make
Clarence help us.

I see your point.

Go in the house.

What'll I do in there?

I don't know, but don't
practice your stupid Tuba.

Your mother is trying to sleep.

You should have seen
Wally when he stayed home.

I hardly recognized him.

He's still scrubbing up.

They say you can judge
a boy's mechanical ability

by the amount of grease
you can get on him.

Did they get
Clarence's car running?

Oh, yeah... just talked
to Fred... running fine.

Only trouble was Clarence ran out
of gas on the way to his tuba lesson.

Well, that sounds like a
great contribution to music.

I thought he played he clarinet.

He did.

But Fred conducted a
survey of the band up at State.

He found they were
overstocked in the woodwinds,

but they were a little
short in the brass section.

Hey, Beav, do you know if
we have any scouring powder,

steel wool, and some bleach?

Are you that dirty, Wally?

I got all the dirt off me.
Now I gotta get it off the tub.

You know something?

Practical jokes
are for the birds.

If anybody ever tries to talk
you into pulling a stunt like that,

you just tell him to forget it.

Yeah, it's really stupid to
mess around with stuff like that.

Boy, am I beat.

If you want to rest, you
can lay down on my bed.

What? I can lie down on
my own bed if I want to.

The boys around?

Beaver went to the
movies with Gilbert.

What's the attraction?

He wanted to see How
the West Was Won.

Hardly seems necessary.

They've been watching
television for 10 years,

they already know
how the West was won.

Where's Wally?

He's out in the
driveway with Eddie.

Oh, I thought I heard that
cement mixer of Eddie's drive up.

Tachometer, huh?

Yeah, I just installed
the thing this morning.

That's pretty neat, all right.

How does it work?

Not so good.

The engine doesn't
rev up fast enough

for it to register.

Hey, would you
guys give me a hand?

What's the trouble, Lump?

I was on my way
to my tuba lesson.

I put the tuba in
and I put the top up.

Now I can't get the top
down to get the tuba out.

Is that all?

Why don't you get
your music teacher

and let him give your
lesson in the back seat.

Sure, we'll give
you a hand, Lump.

Hey, a funny thing
just happened.

I just stopped by
Julie Foster's house.

How come?

I wanted to tell her I was sorry

for not getting
over the other day

to help with her
homework when she called.

She just started laughing at me

and she said she didn't
know what I was talking about.

Why would she do that?

I don't know, Clarence. I just
wouldn't have any idea at all.

Eddie, was that
you on the phone?

Who else?

Yeah, I guess I should
have gotten suspicious,

any girl calling me.

Give me a hand with the top.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA